/k/ designs a SWAT trap

You need a warning system, enough material in the doors and walls to give you time and force them to make noise, and you need an escape system. Go. Extra credit given for references to past workable or unworkable solutions to this problem.

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You need a large amount land between the road (government owned land) and your house. Preferably your home will be on a hill.

Woods may backfire as it gives any force the ability to maneuver on your home without you seeing it. Those same woods may give you cover for your escape. Personal preference.

>>34423932
Can I just load the entire house with fertilizer and ammonium nitrate then hide across the street while I cook bacon in 0.1 seconds?

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What if I build my house on a sinkhole?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MblfN34OdlY

>>34423932
ooh, SWAT traps you say?
>not that kind of trap
nvm this thread sucks

>>34423932
buy little house. Dig deep and make it 90% under ground.
Build a hall of mirrors maze out of really polished steel so it cant break easily, put strobe lights everywhere so give them seizures. cover the floors with lube so they cant walk properly. maybe have a couple of greased pigs.

occasionally have drop traps that go to pits full of dragon dildos, the only way to get out is climbing a ladder of horse dildos, every time you touch them they ejaculate everywhere.

when they get to the centre of the maze they find you living area, but you arent there, and the room gets flooded with activated vibrators.

in the center of the room is another ejaculating dildo ladder, which they will have to climb to escape since the doors have sealed shut behind them.

the ladder leads to the roof, where they find you wearing a thong and pointing a glock 40 at them, because they violated your NAP and they deserve to die.

instead you are surprised as they fall on the ground laughing. One of them manages to get to his feet and staggers to you, hunched over in hysteria. He pulls out his USP and gives it to you, pats you on the head, and falls back down laughing

>>34423932
Sleeping gas and rope. Lots and lots of rope. Some ballgags would be nice. However, might need to trap them underground before gassing them. Might use a mirror maze to confuse them.
1:Trap and Gas
2:Tie and Strip
3:???
4:Profit

>>34423932
Easy. I simply sit there with my erect penis out. Astonished at its size because Asians, they agree to leave me alone on the condition that they receive superior white cock.

>>34424186

Jokes aside, this might work. Marching is prohibited on bridges because the vibrations can make it collapse. The Romans learned this the hard way IIRC. In any case, there's plenty of examples where marching armies over bridges caused havoc. If those Chinese ladies come marching to your house and you live over a sinkhole, they will go bai bai.

>>34424186
1. Webbed bridge structure is placed over sinkhole. to support a small home.
2. Home is placed in center
3. Wire webbing is placed over hole. Wire webbing will give way to anything over 150 lbs (so anyone with kit)
4. Fake grass/astroturf is placed on wire webbing
5. Pathway to home is only known by you. You walk to home using this path over this fake grass, and it simply looks like you are walking across your yard to your home.

>>34425010
marching is not prohibited on bridges...in america.
what country are you in?

>put Tsar Bomba in basement
>rig up tripwires and dead man's switch

Done

>>34425249

https://www.livescience.com/34608-break-stride-frequency-of-vibration.html

>>34423932
If I surrender, do you think they'd let a couple of those girls walk all over me in those tall, sexy boots? Asking for a friend.

>>34423932
I invite a bunch of dirty old Japanese farts. If my hentais are any indication, it'll turn into an impregnation fest where they become our slaves.

>>34423932
>Is your home currently "good enough"? Or do you require some "improvements"?
Keeping that list of hard entries updated on a holiday weekend? I see the FBI is even more dedicated under President Trump.

>>34424356
>1:Trap and Gas
>2:Tie and Strip
>3:???
>4:Profit
Sup oldfag.

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>>34423932
>telling alphabet soup agencies your floorplan ideas on a cookie grilling tip website
>OPSEC

ISHYGDDT

>>34424279
Small kek