to kill a castro

>>34189965
poison beard shampoo

>>34189965

"Misplace" a warhead. Drop one on him while he sleeps. Plausible deniability.

>>34189965
>Wanting him replaced with someone who actually knows what they are doing

No thanks.

>>34189965
Naval training exercise, off the shores of Cuba. Have a mock firing range, miss 500 rounds of the Iowa's 16 inch guns

>>34189965
I would shoot him with a gun.

>>34189965
Give his favorite prostitute AIDS covertly, through the use of the tool they used to administer LSD back then

Do the first mission of black ops 1, but with good intel

>>34189965
Instead of retarded exploding cigars, poison cigars.

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>>34190155
AIDS cigars
>>34190035
Loaded with AIDs shells
>>34190047
An AIDs gun

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Anything else is just frivolous

I realize that my cover is too deep in this era patrol and if I go any farther in this I will cease to exist as my grandparents will have no reason to leave Cuba. I call in to my superiors on an emergency extraction, effective immediately with the full suite of cover work to make it almost impossible to detect that I didn't die in an unfortunate bow-hunting accident involving five does and way too much lubricant. They go ahead with plan #2 and history goes as it should.

>>34189965
play baseball with him and use a baseball with c4 inside it, remotely detonate it when he catches it

>>34189965
drive a sub off the coast, put an artillery piece on top and shell everywhere he might be into oblivion.

make that several artillery pieces, and maybe a missile system or two like grad.

a sub launched missile might be perceived as a nuclear attack, but who knows

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>>34189965
Too fucking easy
>find Cuban national refugee who still has family in Castro's Cuba and is willing to sacrifice themselve's for their safety.
>promise to use CIA spook powers to save family if they assassinate Castro on a suicide mission.
>give Cuban national a gun, a cyanide pill, and a bunch of anticommunist Spanish literature.
>use CIA spook powers to insert Cuban national near Castro
>give the secret hand signal
>Cuban national Cubano Akbars Castro.
>Either gets gunned down, shoots himself, or bites cyanide pill
>use CIA spook powers to get Cuban national's family out of Cuba (optional)
>Sit back and watch the fireworks as the following social upheaval and power struggle tear the Cuban communist party to shreds.
It looks like a lone wolf politically motivated assassination. The US has plausible deniabilty and once castro is dead they can immediately begin ramping up for Bay of Pigs 2: electric Boogaloo (give the partisans actual fucking maps edition)

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>>34189965
Pay 20 (payment to their families) separate anti-Castro locals to make simultaneous assassination attempts, provide small arms that comply to common usage in Cuba.

Put staphylococcus in Margaret Trudeau's pussy.

>>34190441

>cuban is wounded or seized before he does either
>cubans use their still present family as leverage on the origin of the attempt
>two weeks later you get mowed down in a murky part of miami

>>34190767
>Cuban is somehow captured
>use CIA spook powers to evacuate family before Cubans can find out who he's related to
>leverage is now gone
>Jack Ruby his ass before he can talk
Alternatively
>Make Cuban swallow a slow dissolving suicide pill before mission, assuring he will die even if captured
You have to think like a spook, man.

I do not.

>>34189965
you can't

>>34190012
you mean replaced with someone who actually could defeat a US backed invasion?

...oh wait

>bay of pigs

>>34190441
>>(optional)

if the CIA couldn't do it at the time with all their resources, how am I, a mere schmuck with an SKS going to accomplish it?

>>34190049
>AIDS
>1962

>make a hole 9' deep and 4' wide so castro's chubby cubano ass will fit in
>put jesus christ-level cigars in hole, in plain sight
>hide in bushes next to hole
>wait for castro to see hole, and because of his love of scuba diving and cigars, he will jump into the water hole.
> at precisely the moment he jumps in, a come out from the bushes with a harpoon gun
>harpoon castro straight in the rectum
>pull the fish son of a bitch from the hole
>snatch the cigar out of the fucker's hands
>light it, and fuck both of his eyeballs out with a broken beer bottle.
>after beer bottle eye rape, i put out the cigar on his forehead like what my dad did to me when i was little
>by the time this is all done, his vascular rectum would have bled at least one third of his blood out.
cuba would then become non-communist after a quick uprising by the anti-communist forces supported by the US, and the US government would have easy plausible deniability for castro's death.

>Fidel and his inner are walking down a hallway in his private villa, talking about matters of the state.
>Suddenly they turn a corner and there I stand, wearing black leather shoes, black pants, a black tee shirt, a black leather trench-coat, black sunglasses and a black fedora.
>I draw my katana, a relic from the Sengoku Jidai made from glorious nipponese steel that has been folded over ten thousand times; a weapon responsible for taking over ten thousand souls of Samurai and gajjin warriors alike according to the man from the anime convention.
>Someone yells "Guardias!"
>Two soldiers appear out of nowhere. They point their Kalashnikovs at me.
>One of them shouts "Rendición, perro de la CIA."
>I smirk.
>They underestimate my power.
>They try to shoot me, but I'm too fast.
>I slice one of the guards in half with one swing of my blade.
>The lower half of his body turns into a fountain of blood.
>Move towards second guard
>Cut through his coward gajjin weapon with my katana. The blade goes straight down through the action and into the banana clip. The bullets themselves are cut up. Gunpowder and brass falls to the ground, along with one of the guards hands.
>I decapitate the guard. He falls down like a sack of potatoes.
>Castro runs while I cut apart his friends like grass in a Zelda game.
>Castro goes to a room and locks the door behind him.
>He thinks he's safe.
>"Pssshhh... Nada personal, chico"
>My blade pierces through his back and emerges from his chest.
>:3
>I wipe the blood off of my blade and sheath it.
>I turn around and see one of Castro's lovers was in the room the whole time.
>She tells me in heavily strained English that she made a mistake falling for an asshole like Castro and how she wishes she could have a nice guy like me.
>We make love
And that's how I would assassinate Castro.

>>34189965
glass cuba

But for real
>Wait till after 1991
>Come up with some bullshit reason to invade
>Invade
>Say hello to the 51st state.

You literally can't. He was invincible and even after he died he's building the only Marxist Leninist state that isn't shit tier Statist garbage from the grave. Cubans actually making worker cooperatives from formerly State Owned property instead of going "MUH free market" and "MUH shock therapy" gets my moist nugget hard

>>34193241
fuck off pinko scum

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>>34189965
With a nuke

>>34193268
Le Cold War face

>>34190441
This, but an exploding video camera, the way Al Qaeda did Shah Massoud.

>>34190441
Wouldn't work, I'd be the CIA already tried it. You'd just get a body double at best.

>>34191663
Yep.

>>34193289
This seems like about the only viable option. But maybe the entirety of Cuba are body doubles? Can we be sure Fidel doesn't still rule from moonbase built by the space communists?

>>34189965
Over 50 years of unquestioned embargoes that slowly whittle down his will to live.

>>34189965
I seduce him and give him AIDS.

I'll just put up a distraction attack because he'll probably come take a look. Then i'll just take my crossbow and shoot him in the head with it.

>>34195828
You'd be a very happy man wouldn't you.

wait until 2016

>>34191155
More like

>Replaced by someone who might not keep the country perpetually stuck in the 50s and impoverished

You're right. Good thing he stayed.

>>34195888
but their cars look cool from not having modernized

>>34189965
10k tactical warhead.

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>>34189965
ask him to shake my hand, pull my hand back when he stands his and kill him from the shame

>>34189965
>Jews having one of their tools assassinated
This is too much optimism even for a fantasy.

>>34189965
nuke the entire country flat, to be absolutely sure.

>>34193102
10/10 you've won the thread

>CIA
I take him onboard my plane. Then I open the plane door and put my gun to his head and tell him to speak.

>>34196044
Why would a man shoot another man before throwing him out of a plane?

>>34195895
>but their cars look cool from not having modernized
They probably last longer too.

>>34196052
He's a small big for the guy (You)

>>34189965
Right wing death squads. Afterwards I kill any and every American spy and CIA agent so as to not make the same mistake as Columbia or Guatamala.

>>34190732
This

>>34189965
Castro was fascinated with dairy cows. Seriously. So, I'd base some ruse off of that and use it to get into contact, then give him a double-barrelled udder or something.

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>>34191702
I can almost guarantee you that there was knowledge of the disease at that point. It hadn't started any outbreaks, but do you honestly believe that during the 60's, when the spookiest of shit was happening, especially to our own citizens, that scientists, using advances acquired through even more questionable means, see WWII Jap and Nazi scientists, had no knowledge of something that could be used to guarantee the elimination of someone without raising that many questions? I don't believe the government created AIDs, that's just silly, but like crack, they had a hand in it, that should be without question

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>>34191702
One of the earliest documented HIV-1 infections was discovered in a preserved blood sample taken in 1959 from a man from Léopoldville in the Belgian Congo.[49] However, it is unknown whether this anonymous person ever developed AIDS and died of its complications.[49]

>2017
>being retarded

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There's only one man for the job.

>>34189993
Hi CIA

>>34193102

Kek!

Okay, here is what I do: first I kidnap some of his soldiers, take them on a private jet, and start interrogating them in the air...

>>34199732
Wouldn't he then pontificate on the reasoning behind shooting a man and then ejecting him midflight?

Operation Northwoods, but in reverse i.e. get members of the Cuban communist party to hijack Cuban planes and fly them into Cuban government buildings.

Or just put a 6.5 Carcano bullet through his face.

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>be me
>CIA agent in 1962
>read about bullshit cat eaves-dropping program
>think outside the box
>pay some cuban working inside the Casto Residence to abduct his cat/dog/companion
>"ey ese where dog go holmes"
>meanwhile i'm replacing the one of the cat's kidneys with 400g of explosives
>hope mr whiskers can walk with extra luggage
>"Muy muy, Mr Casto we find cat!!!"
>watch Fidel hug his feline companion very tightly as he was worried for it's well being
>smile wide
>"nothing personnel kiddo"
>hit switch
>one of the cat's ribs gets stuck in castro's throat
>castro's last words
>"gul gul gul grugrglu mr whiskers"
>go home after a job well done

>>34198077
>Not pouring napalm in the udder
>Cow is sick
>Sppok baits Castro
>Commandante la vaca es enferma
>Castro got baited, his autism makes him want to touch brests, or even succ them
>Fortunateson.ini
>Enjoy riding UFOs for my good work

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>>34193102
Why did i read all of this?

have the CIA release all sorts of pests into the cuban farms. especially the sugar cane fields.

collapse the cuban economy and cause local food shortages.

>>34200866
Pretty sure only Mexicans say ese, but a laughed a bit regardless

>>34201267
That would kill most of the population of Cuba, but probably not Castro, you failed the mission agent anon

>>34201467
economic and food collapse will drive Castro out. Maybe in a violent upheaval. either way is out of power and the CIA can put in a new US friendly government.

>>34201467
At that point, the country would be so desperate that you could start a revolt. If nothing else, an assassination would probably be much easier.

>>34189965
Carpet Nuke Cuba.

A bolt action, 2 months worth of supplies, and patience.

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>>34192111
>I put out the cigar on his forehead like what my dad did to me when i was little
Anon, tell me more about your father...

Shoot all the cows on the island with a dart that makes them have milk filled with a chemical that makes castro like anime.
He will get so distraught that anime isn't real and he can never be with his waifu that he tries to kidnap some jap men to make his wife real.
I have replaced the most qualified jap men with american men that just look like jap men.
The will be captured and brought before castro to make his dreams come true.
The men will then be offered a cigar by castro if all goes to plan.
Unknown to castro is that all of his cigars were replaced with single shot 45 weapons for maximum stopping power. The cigars can still be smoked though so that our operatives can look really cool after they do the dead and to insure that castro has no idea that we replaced his cigars.
We kill castro and everyone goes home. we stopped communism.

>>34203570
I know you're just memeing, but while anime did exist in 1962, there wasn't much, and as far as I know there was no wafiu type stuff yet

>>34203615
Back to the drawing board.
we make anime then do everything else

>>34203615

>there was no wafiu type stuff yet
>Gigantor & Astroboy not waifu material

anon pls...

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>>34203633
>>34203651
I'd say Trixie from Speed Racer is genuine waifu material, so either we need to alter time so speed racer starts to air in 1962 instead of 1967, or we just wait till 67 to kill Castro

>>34189965
>Anchor the USS Random City off the coast of Cuba
>blow up USS Random City
>show evidence of Russian made missiles in Cuba or blame Cuban Air force
>blame Cuba
>America supports a declaration of war
>surround Cuba with Naval blockade
>artillery barrage and sorties all day erry day until Castro is dead


if false flags are not allowed

>release doctored tapes of Fidel saying he thinks baseball is boring and he likes football better
>wait about 3 days for coup/assassination

>>34190155
Since he could always offer the cigars to his quests and friends it has to be a slow acting but still lethal poison.

>>34198129
Back then they called it Grids

>>34204604
Mercury in his cigars maybe?

>>34204504
Maine 2.0 would be pretty boring.

>>34189965
Put poison spikes in Margaret Sinclair's vagina.

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>>34190155
>poison
>cigars
But anon tobaccy is wacky

I either use my pregnant wife to sneak past security at a baseball game he is attending in New York and shoot him with a poison dart or I will swim to Cuba with a wrench between my teeth, pose as a beautiful female plumber and when a toilet clogs in the presidential palace, I'll...I'll...I'll...aaaw, I just wanted to kill Castro.

>>34200866
>ey ese where dog go holmes
Are you sure you're not in Los Angeles?

>>34193241
>isn't shit tier Statist garbage
Anon, how many levels of delusion are you on?

>>34195906
>>34201705
>>34193106
You cause WW3 and a quarter of the US gets nuked in return. Congratulations.

>>34197823
Here's something you might not have known: Cuba almost had fascism in the 1930's from the Spanish Falange.

>>34190006
That's how you get nukes by accident

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>>34189965
You need to do some Terminator time travel stuff to end his present reign of Canada.

>>34189965
I take a pen and write November 25th 2016 Havana Cuba onto a sheet of paper before folding it in half and handing it off to someone important before disappearing.

>>34206799
The stated objective was to kill Castro, not prevent WWIII. I believe my solution would likely accomplish that.

>>34189965
Throw him in the oil?

Airforce night dive bombing drill goes a few miles off course.