fucking geese

>Bird seed + Round up
You're welcome.

>>34109689
>they've even been harassing my cat
File for an exotic animal license
Get a Puma
With frickin' lasers

>>34109709
This option sounds better, also why the fuck would you want to live in the suburbs?

>>34109699
>Not antifreeze.
>not using a snap trap.

>>34109699
Kills all the birds though and can result in a fine.

>>34109728
Then find something only geese eat then round up that.

>>34109689
Capture one
Force feed it prunes
NoooOOOooo you're not going for the liver (Foie gras)
You're going to weaponize the goose grenades (their turds)
Hold the goose like a fucking backpipe
Squeeze that goose like you're a fuckin' Scotsman
Welcome to rapid fire goose grenades
The horrific honking, and you running around laughing like a drunken clown will either scare all the geese away, or will get a statewide law passed to ban geese.
You're gonna be famous, Goose God

>>34109736
If you can find something one pest (geese) eats that other animals don't (birds, squirrels, etc) then you let me know.

>>34109741
People?

>>34109699
I would but there are a lot of pleasant birds in the area and I don't want to harm them.

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chop their necks with a machete or soemthing

>>34109764
I never knew they had teeth on their tongues...

>>34109689
in usa the canadian honking shit machines are protected. we hunted them nearly to extinction. because they are tasty.

get the protection lifted since they are no longer endangered and their population has swelled to the point that they're nuisance animals.

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>>34109744
Fucking this.
Also doggos.
Morherfuck Geese.

>>34109689
You have a bow and an air rifle. If your air rifle is garbage get a better one and follow the steps below. If the geese get close on your property hit them with an arrow right in the chest.

1. Pump the air rifle up all the way
2. load with pellets
3. Git gud
4. BOOM headshot!
5. ???????
6. Profit!!!!!

People very effectively hunt geese with air rifles in countries where that's legal. Aim for the neck.

>>34109780
What a bitch.

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>>34109807

>>34109777
expect nothing less from the national bird of hell

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Get a long thin metal rod and swing it as hard as you can to break their necks. It's quiet and effective, and then you can eat the fuckers.

>>34109764
What do you think an animal like a goose thinks as you're strangling it? This is a bird that moments ago attacked you without provocation and is now moments away from dying. What does a primitive brain even do?

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>>34109864
HONK!!! Is all that runs through their evil brains.

>>34109855
good idea, do you have any recipes?

>>34109872
Sometimes the truth is as plain as the nose on our face

I'm feeling this overwhelming surge of hatred. I might go to the river mouth sometime this week and see if I can't .22 one so it can't fly then beat it with bamboo for the next month.
Would anyone reply to an update thread if I did that?

>>34109864
probably thinking "HONK HONK MOTHAFUCKA"
>>34109872
beat me to it

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>>34109919
I will if i see it.

>>34109689

Buy a slingshot. Or torment them with a laser pointer.

shoot them in their stupid necks with a broadhead and chop their head clean off

>>34109919
Holy shit yes for the love of god, I would exalt you for all eternity.

same boat as you op, I have a decently powered air rifle(gamo cfx) but noise is a issue since neighbors are close by. Maybe pop bottle silencer?

>>34109954
good idea, do you have a link for how to make one?

>>34109943
>Or torment them with a laser pointer.
Get a high powered laser and blind/burn them

>>34109919
Please yes.

>>34109975
>>34109950
>>34109926
Does anyone know how to keep a goose from bleeding out?

>>34109689
So, lemme see if I understand.

Problem:
OP is thoroughly disturbed by bird poop.
OP is worried about some birdseed that isn't even his.
OP has a fag-tier cat that is being bullied.
OP's weaponry is limited to a Red Ryder BB gun and a kiddie bow.
OP comes to 4 chan and puffs his chest out using terms and phrases like "nigger" and "terrorizing" and "obnoxious shit heads" and "I don't mind if they suffer" and "righteous fury."
OP unironically adds some swagger by dissing soccer moms who he's admittedly afraid might confront him.

Assessment:
OP really is a fag.

Solution:
OP should hide in mommy's basement with his kitty before one of the geese or a soccer mom beat him up and ass-rape him.
While in said basement, OP is permitted to continue macho smack-talk as it may be therapeutic and get him through the long summer of 7th grade.

>>34109992
Headshots or remove the head as soon as the kill is dispatched

>>34110017
No I'm trying to get an alive goose so I can torture it for a month, I don't think I'll be able to catch one.

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>>34109881
>recipe
>for a metal rod

>>34110040
recipes for goose...

>>34110040
Are you retarded?

>>34110052
Fried goose breast. Or crock pot. They're real gamey and the meat goes tough like rabbit if you don't cook it quickly or over a very fucking long time.

>>34110068
Not very many people know this but Zed and Callum are actually the same person.

>>34110001
Anon it's time to stop posting

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>>34109992
pic related and a compression bandage should do the trick.

http://www.allvetsupply.com/blood-stop-powder.html?cmp=googleproducts&kw=blood-stop-powder&gclid=CMe9_d3EmNQCFYmFswodITYOXQ

>>34110032
Oh, uhh... use a snare I guess... animal veterinary practice is not my forté

>>34110109
Any tips for operating on a goose in the field? Also should I get like a cage or something to keep it in? Fuck also where am I going to keep it? Will I have to build Avery? Or should I just cut off its wings and keep it with the chickens?

>>34110125
I'd rather not have to travel to the river mouth a second time, rather just get one while I'm there.

>>34109716
That's joke, right? Why would you want to live anywhere else in America?

>>34110156
So you can shoot things from your deck. And I don't need human interaction anyways I get that from here.

>>34110135
I'm a pre-vet student so I really shouldn't be giving advice on how to operate in the field so you can save a bird for torture. Basically if it gets to that point you're going to lose the bird anyways. Try for a clean shot through the meat of the wing while it's flying/gliding. Least chance of death. A body shot is a kill shot. If you break a wing bone with the shot it will bleed out and die.

To keep it from flying just cut a few of the REALLY big feathers on the wings to within a few inches of the skin. Don't pull them out, cutting with scissors is fine.

A large dog crate would work well or any pen with 3-4ft high fence after you clip the wing feathers.

I broke a gooses leg the other day by giving it a hard kick. Fucker wouldn't get out of the path and was going to bite me. Felt bad for it afterwords and got the sledge out of the barn and gonked it on the head. Dinner was good though.

>>34110178
What's your secret to such readily available geese? The nearest geese (not from the town park) is around a 20 minute drive from my house. Also do I just have to shoot enough geese with a .22 till I get one that doesn't fly away or doesn't die? Seems pretty mean to kill 20 geese when I only need one.

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>>34109992
Stick your dick in the bullet hole, if the wound is too small cram as much of your foreskin in as possible.

>>34110204
>not using your 22 as a precision artillery battery
20 minute drive is a few miles away, so if you arc your rifle enough and with proper calculations, you could probably hit the fuckers at their spawn location

>>34109689

Pickup + finding them in the street.

Run the fuckers over.

>>34110168
Nm, thought you were shilling for city life. Never again.

>>34110204
I live on a 30 acre farm in Northern Virginia with three ponds. The fuckers just show up, decide they like the place because we have guard llamas for the sheep which keep predators away and then never leave. I'm not going out of my way to hurt/kill them but if they attack or annoy me I bring the (sledge)hammer down. Though I could just as easily pick them off from a window in the house with a .22 or something.

>>34110081
Does that mean he's also behind the Tommy tripfagging?

>>34110204
Oh I forgot to add, you shoot them while they are in flight so that you can hit the wing. Its hard but its one of the only ways you can shoot the wing and not the body at the same time.

>>34110001
This

>>34110287
All trip fans are actually Callum, irl he has an iq of 400 but his brain is split into so many tripfags that the average tripfag iq is around 6, which also explains why Callum is such a retard.

>>34110289
With a .22? I don't think I have that kind of ability. I have a 12g but that won't help things.

>>34109780
b-but that doggo could kill that fucker with a single bite and shake

>>34109864
>>34109872
>>34109923

>Implying its not the exact same thing that runs through a dindu's mind when he tries to rob you and you pull your ccw

>>34110001
>Being ass-raped by a soccer mom

Hot

>>34110032

You're in New Zealand, you don't have Canada Devilgeese.

>>34110579
Yea we have Canada geese, they are considered a pest here.

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>>34109779
>in usa the canadian honking shit machines are protected

Sez who?

>>34110601
didn't the kiwi gov allow unlimited, year round hunting of those fuckers in 1996?

>>34110630
Something like that, they are counted as small game which pretty much means you have to use a shotgun or rim fire but apart from that there are no rules.

>>34110653
12 gauge dragonsbreath with flechettes

>>34109689
Bird bombs or firecrackers. They're not that hard to just scare away.

>>34109689
Airsoft.
Get one of the battery powered smgs and spray them whenever they may appear. worked just fine for us.
Geese are tough. just aim for the body.
Use environmentally friendly pellets.

>>34110733
LOL
>slaughter fucking animals
>don't pollute
i'm a machete or lawn mower kind of gooser JSYK

>>34110753
Deer, geese, and other prey animals that have had their predators drastically reduced due to human involvement are actually an environmental problem because they breed out of control and with nothing eating them, consume food sources faster than they're replenished.

>>34110834
thank you for that encyclopedia 4chanica
i actually knew that
at least it is factual

>>34109709
>license
SHALL

>>34110052
>>34110068
I thought it was pretty clear this was a joke
Maybe you're both actually Zed playing this up to be funny

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>>34109872
>>34109923
>>34109885
>>34110344
>Honk is all that runs through their evil minds
>MFW

>>34109689
>fuck honk
>remove honk

At least I have a pair of swans on my lake/pond that fuck the shit out of honk at every opportunity.

Think Canadian Geese are big? They are puny compared to swans.

When they're nesting, all night long I hear flap flap flap honk honk honk skraw skraw flap flap honk skraw

>>34110001
Nailed it.

>>34110601
Did somebody introduce them in NZ? If so, why?

>>34110001
>off by one
this

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Every time I see a pack of these maple niggers I just imagine calling in a fucking fire mission on them.

>tfw can't rain down HE on local wildlife

>>34109689
22 LR is your friend.

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>>34109738

Is it legal to shoot a goose with a handgun if they charge you?
what ammo is best for fucking geese up in self defense?

>>34112880

40x46mm HEDP grenades.

Are these geese nesting? If so moth balls or just violence on the nest/ eggs they moved on. when I killed the nest the devil birds fucked right off.

>>34109881
For the love of god do not let anyone see you taking these bastards out of season or you will be fucked by the long dick of the game warden... but I do hate to see good meat go to waste, whether it a dickhead neighbor goose just moved or picked off a pond with a .22 for looking too tasty

Now, these creatures are foul.. Hah! Get it? Fowl? Moving on. So basically everything on a wild goose is tough and gamey, with the breast being a little less tough.

Just cut the breast off and leave the rest for the coyotes, unless you're desperate. Slice breast meat thinly on a bias, across the grain. Bread in 3 stage, seasoned flour/wash/crumb. Flour seasoned with pepper, lawrey's, pinch of cajun. Wash is buttermilk. Crumb is panko with a little more of the cajun seasoning.

Dredge, wash, press in crumb, fry, serve with multitude of mustards/sauces, and craft beer. Bonus points if morrells and/or crappie are in season. Nothing better than fryin' up a bunch of shit you shot/caught/picked in the morning then feasting on your land/lake/sky bounty after you worked up a buzz

>>34109864

>HAIL SATAN

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>>34114102
My bad, wrong one. Here ya go.

>>34109689
Some other anon back in another remove honk thread suggested using stiff wire to hang a piece of bread over the jaws of heavy gardening shears.

Entice honk.
Remove honk.
Repeat.

I think you guys will like this as much as I did, if not more.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5QeusXXfR0

>>34110311
It's probably panicking because it's leashed to the wall.
If the pups had been free, he might have attacked knowing he could run if shot went south.

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>>34114520

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>>34109689
I suggest you stop being a childish faggot and getting mad about every little bullshit thing you see. That's definitely too much to ask though, so as an alternative solution just shoot yourself.

>>34109689
Get pellet gun, shoot goose in the base of neck. Wait, geese pair off and the flock will return. Shoot another goose. Repeat.

>>34113335
Depressingly underrated

>>34111562
Some aussie cunt was just angry I fucked his misses. I killed him but little did I know the plague he had set in motion to spite me.

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>>34109689

>>34109689
get an airsoft gun and shoot them on site, the lake niggers will learn to fuck off

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There has to be a way to scare these birds without killing them and being a cunt. This may not be a protected species, but please have a bit of empathy here.

>>34116383
>Empathy
>For HONKS!!
That's like saying commies are people too.

P U N T G U N
U
N
T
G
U
N

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HONK

>>34116400
That comparison is preposterous. Geese have never killed anyone or any culture.

>>34110156
>Why would you want to live anywhere else in America?

I grew up in a very nice, quite old Northeastern suburb and GTFO because you have no rights, no room, high overhead, and too many fucking neighbors. Fuck that. I moved South to a land of cool gun laws, no private motor vehicle inspections (waste of time, fuel and money unless you fucked up and live inna Rust Belt where cars last five minutes before turning into a ball of iron oxide), low taxes, low utility bills, and general comfort.

The house I grew up in had ~$10,000/year property tax rate in 2000. That much would pay a mortgage in SC today.

>>34116737
they killed the culture of going to the lake in the months of april, may, august and september

these fucking Lake niggers take them over

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>>34116737
SAY THAT TO MY FUCKING FACE MATE!!!

>>34116383
All wildlife dies and if you kill them that's likely to be much more merciful than them sickening etc in the wild. That's why ethical domestic bird owners cull suffering birds.

All birds die. The only question is timing.