Hey /k/. This is the IT2 Navyfag who shared the "blood mushrooms"

2/???

>Be on USS Pickney in radio
>CMC of San Diego comes on comms and starts a radio check
>We all start rogering up
>CMC interrupts and says he just wants CVN and piers to respond.
> Some fucking cruiser doesn't listen and rogers up again
>CMC gets mad, repeats that he wants the carrier and piers to respond only
>USS Sampson, our fucking nemesis responds
>Newer DDG, they all have nicer racks and they think their shit dont stink, so naturally we all hate them
>CMC warns everyone in port one more time that if a fucking retard radios he will go high and right and fuck them up
>I'm up at bridge with shitbag O-3 who likes to drink and fight just to rile people up
>He calls our radio shop, whispers into the shitty sound phone something and then winks at me.
>CMC begins radio check again
>Low and behold I hear my LPO's voice from our own radio shop pick up and go "USS SAMPSON, REPORTING!"
>We can see the Sampson's bridge from our pier, the CDO starts running around and panicking, you can tell he's yelling something like WHY WHAT THE FUCK?
>10 minutes later see the CMC charge up the gangway to their ship to roast their asses.

FUCK you SAMPSON.

>>33838567
Why do you so many stories have bio-chemical processes straight out of a Lovecraft short story?

>>33838567
>blood mushrooms
post it again

good to see you haven't died from an unknown disease yet

>>33839054
Navy has best Motrin and Water a Corpsman can steal

>>33838961
I don't know. I know all the stereotypes for each branch our kind of true, but their is some serious autism going on in the Navy. Not like cool smart card counting shit, more like not maintaining proper hygiene... You also helped me realize just now that most of the stories I was going to post are actually pretty boring/autistic.

>>33839064
post them anyway

>>33839049
I actually didn't save it... Funny story I'm on shore duty and I've been stealing wifi for the last year and a half I've been stationed here. I work at a Naval Hospital and during the first month I helped some old dude log into the Comcast Business Wifi and I remembered his password.

Family housing is close enough to the business Wifi that I've been using his credentials for free internet this entire time to save money. Bad news is sometimes I get notified I've been banned, but I don't think he browses 4chan. Weird stuff.

>>33839089
I'll be back. Gonna search the archive.

>>33839101
>>33839089
https://desuarchive.org/k/thread/33773803/#33774894

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>>33839123
forgot pic

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HT. I don't care what any of you say. Navy Hull Technician is the worst. Story time.

>Be IT3 onboard small boy
>Have some good friends in radio, my chain is hyper competitive
>Chief says we can do a pullup contest
>If I win, 96 liberty
>If he wins, he'll "choose my fate"
>Laugh it off and agree, end up loosing like a tard
>He assigns me to follow around this HT2 for a week.
>Not so bad at first, just checking gauges and going through the 'ol maintenance cards.
>Have any of you guys ever been in a berthing? Howabout a female birthing? Howabout a female shower?
>It's gross. The smells and stuff are just not natural. Not even human almost.
>Anyways, we get called because shower is flooded. Or more accurately, the drains are clogged.
>As soon as we enter it smells like iron and ass sweat. Like a bloody butthole.
>Remove drain grate and this HT2 gets elbow deep and starts pulling "it" out.
>Not gonna lie, I thought someone had a stillbirth.
>HT2 pulls out a hulking mass of red flesh, with what looked like brown veins hanging from it.
>"got ourselves a blood cork!" He exclaims with a dead lack of emotion I hope I'll never know.
>Turns out the pile was wadded up tampons stomped down the drain.
>Soaking wet
>Rust colord
>Clottted tampons
>Sitting in the pipes for weeks or months.
>Afterwards he had me pour down all sorts of shit to "kill the blood mushrooms" in the pipes.

Fuck that.

3/??

>This is my favorite, a buddy EM2 shared it with me
>Be early 2010's on a Wasp Amphib
>Pull into Hong Kong and EM2 gets trashed
>Liberty buddies drag him back to berthing
>Ship pulls out of Hong Kong
>About a month later EMC is doing rounds or just wondering around looking for shit to fuck up
>Suddenly EMC smells something
>Something bad (obviously)
>Starts to investigate, figures it's hidden food gone bad
>Follows the stench like a khaki bloodhound ready to crucify his crows
>Keeps following smell through the backwoods of engineering
>Gets to a false bulkhead that was put in front of space to store shit waiting to get dermo'd
>Smell is plain fucked at this point
>Chief peeks around bulkhead...
>Laying on a mattress (pile of coveralls) is tiny petite lil' ching chong girl.
>Next to girl are two buckets with haphazard tarp over them
>Ching chong looks to chief and says "You nex?"
>Buckets were full of piss and shit
>Turns on someone from engineering smuggled a fucking Hong Kong whore onto the ship with his sea bag
>Whore tells the chief during the immediate amateur interrogation that a sailor promised her %50 of the profits made while whoring her out underway
>Same sailor was going to smuggle her off and the next port visit in Australia
>Chief holds emergency meeting with a few trusted khakis, they lock her up and smuggle her off the ship at the next port visit to avoid getting hung up for the most ridiculous crime they'd ever seen
>My buddy still doesn't know if he was involved due to being black out drunk...

>>33839196
I want to believe

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>>33839049
>>33839089
>>33839101

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>>33839196
>>Turns on someone from engineering smuggled a fucking Hong Kong whore onto the ship with his sea bag

>>33839239
I know. The part of my brain that is responsible for critical thinking says it's bullshit, but the part of me that had witnessed Naval Operational Intelligence says it's probably happened before.

>>33839196
With some of the dumb shit that went on in the Army barracks, I'm not going to call you a liar.

Not a gross story/??

>Stationed at Naval Hospital
>I am the EKMS manager
>In charge of hi-tech crypto gear
>For a fucking hospital
>Our shit hasn't been used for as long as anyone can remember
>still have to document and conduct spot checks all the fucking time, pretending like what I do is important
>Be around December 2016
>See on the local news that USAF flew a couple B-52's near North Korea to show off our big dicks
>Log on to SIPRnet like I do everyday, check message traffic that is ALWAYS empty
>But today is different...
>Today I have a actual message
>I open it up to read it
>It doesn't make sense
>It's all phonetic codes
>Literally just TANGE WHISKEY LIMA NINER FIVE ECHO SIERRA etc...
>I glance at the message precedence (for those of you not familiar with message traffic, there are 4 levels of importance: Routine, Priority, Immediate, and Flash)
>This one is none of those, it's just "Y"
>I laugh and call chief over "hey chief lol these retards made up their own precedence!
>Chief comes over, and his black skin turns white
>He sits down next to me and picks up our STE phone with a shaking hand
>I start to get nervous, ask what's up
>turns out "y" is YANKEE WHITE
>basically a special code for the NCA, nuclear war type shit
>Chief calls NCTAMS as we prepare for the nuclear holocaust
>Some NCTAMS dweeb talks to us and when we respond to the message he laughs and says "oh lol just ignore that "they" sent it to you by accident!"

To this say we assume is was some sort of drill for strategic bombers but pants were shat.

>>33839434
WHAT

>>33839434
delete this post right now

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>>33839246

>>33839196
Jesus wept

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>>33839196
>mfw this whole fucking story

4/??

>At hospital again
>Besides EKMS shit, also just run regular message traffic for command
>We are near a major base, so we regularly get "requests for medical advice" from subs/ships underway
>some good ones:

1. Sailor is bleeding from urethra due to "ball point pen stimulation via penile insertion"
2. Sailor has multiple lacerations from "paper cut fetish"
3. Female sailor has pustules growing on labia, recently admitted to using JP-5 as sexual intercourse lubricant.

Now that last one includes JP-5 for lube, which is literally jet fuel.

>>33839434
Sorry I'm a bit buzzed, I'll try and write more coherently

>>33838567
>300 billion dollar defense budget

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>>33839548
>3. Female sailor has pustules growing on labia, recently admitted to using JP-5 as sexual intercourse lubricant.
Your kidding right?

>>33839548
why is the navy so fucked?

>>33839085
This

>>33839600
they consistently have the best stories

>>33839591
No

>>33839548
>JP-5 for lube, which is literally jet fuel
wtf is wrong with people

>>33838567
Yo Salinas fag here, is it that school for the navy?

>>33838567
>Hey /k/. This is the IT2 Navyfag who shared the "blood mushrooms" story with you guys a week or two ago.
I remember that shit, it made me retch.

>>33838676
kek, that was damn good

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IT2 still here will continue to post but now from my phone and im drunk not buzzed and wife tookover laptop to watch Idubbbz with me.

5/??
>mustering up while on destroyer
>Duty section forms up in ranks
>Girl next to me elbows me and nods towards guy infront of me.
>looks like dogshit smeared to the back of his head
>I figure he got drunk and slept in actual shit
>Tap his shoulder and he turns around
>Dude, you got some stuff in your hair
>He reaches up and touches it then turns back to me and smiles
>oh yeah anon, i slept on a candy bar last night
>he then turns around like everything is normal
>i still dont know wtf happened. No explanation is normal.

>>33839689
how stupid do you have to be to put literal jet fuel onto and into your vagina? Her cervix and uterus were rekt i bet. These stories have single-handedly evaporated my confidence in the Navy.

>>33839196
Jesus Fucking Christ

>>33839720
All 5 branches and alphabet agencies. Its an army base technically though

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>>33839820
>>oh yeah anon, i slept on a candy bar last night
>>he then turns around like everything is normal
>mfw i actually kek'd

>>33839834
Now imagine most if not all other navies being even less experienced.

>>33839434
This vaguely reminds of this one guy here who lives in a small town next to a nuclear power plant and went fucking nuts here after they sounded the sirens for radiological contamination.

>>33839310
This. If I had a nickel for every time I heard about someone sneaking an underage girl into the barracks I'd have a dollar.

>>33838567
The hardness wasn't from your urine, it's from the water constantly running then drying in the urinal. It called water hardness, and in cases like that, requires a large water softener.

>Pull in to Rota, Spain
>First port visit, CO sets curfew
>Two of our firsts get trashed and dont get back in time
>They get to the ship and decide to shimmy up our lines to sneak onboard
>First one makes it on, second gets caught in rat trap
>Starts shouting for help
>some thirdclass with an M16 runs over and sees random man yelling in rat trap
>Immediately assumes osama bin laden is trying to climb aboard, opens fire
>By open fire i mean he starts pulling the trigger with the safety on and no charging the handle
>Our incompetent first had his life spared by virtue of an even more incompetent watchstander

>>33839952
Huh, thanks!

>>33839920
Quite a big difference between sneaking a thot in/out the barracks on a drunk saturday night and literaly human trafficking and prostitution on a US Navy ship.

>>33839548
>Now that last one includes JP-5 for lube, which is literally jet fuel.
I can respect her dedication. Most definitely not her intelligence

>>33839979
Obviously.

>>33839991

It reminds me of the army female AR buffer story but a lot more desperate and sad

>>33839979
Only if you get caught

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>>33839962
>Immediately assumes osama bin laden is trying to climb aboard, opens fire

>>33840036
Well don't just sit there. Green text it.

>>33839196
This one's going to be shared with the rest of /k/ for a very long time. Awaiting screencap.

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>>33839962
Alright that was the last one for me. Tha.ks for reading, see you guys on the AR general and carrier ramp bully threads. IT2 out

>>33840067
that story's been around forever. I'm pretty sure it originated in the Marine Corps though.
>female recruit at basic
>platoon is shooting at the range
>her rifle isn't working
>they open it up
>buffer is missing
>they find it under her pillow
something something she also had lacerations in her vagoo from it or something like that. nasty bitch, female marines in a nutshell basically.

>>33838567
>working on fucked up MRAP turret in afghanistan
>trip
>instinctivley grab crew-system antenna to stop from falling
>hand gets really hot really fast
>wtf? Those are supposed to be shut off inside the wire?
>look in cab
>crew system cotractor had climbed in and began doing diagnostics to the system without saying anything
>hey asshole! You just RF burned the shit outta me!
>over the next week skin peels off hand, then heals
>for about 3 weeks I have a funny feeling inside my hand
>dunno how to describe it except that my bones were "itchy"

So yeah. Probably gonna get some wierd bone cancer now. Atleast its on my medical records at the VA.

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>>33839246
How are women so fucking disgusting?

>>33840194

You should have tried beating it with that hand, maybe you'd have gained super dick powers

Kinda funny one from my days as a grunt
>hook up with asian chick
>smash that shit so hard my dick hurts
>i mean... WOW, it REALLY hurts
>turn on lights, quarter sized blood blister on my dick
>I fucked this chick so hard I popped a blood vessel in my dick
>go to sick call on monday
>corpsman I had been on a few deployments with comes in
>"hey man, wassup?"
>well doc (story follows)
>he starts laughing
>laughter over he goes "okay, but whats really wrong?"
>without saying a word I drop trousers
>"oh shit, I thought you were JOKING man"
>everything is fine, body just had to reabsorb the blood.
>word got around that I had too much fucky sucky and hurt my dick
>somehow transforms into nickname "larry the plumber" (get it, cuz plumbers lay pipe)
>then just larry so people can use it as my radio callsign on missions

So thats the story how I fucked a korean bitch in LA so hard my "badass" grunt callsign became larry.

>>33839962
rat trap?

>>33839129
Actually gagged

>>33840194
RF burns are nasty, deep and take forever to heal. But you already know that now.

t. has worked in a lab with an open-air microwave

>>33839591
Former corpsman, one of the doctors I worked for told us that he had to explain to a female recruit to not peel the banana before using it as a masturbatory aid.

>>33839952
Sometimes it's calcified ammonia from urine. One the Marine barracks I was in you had to wear gas masks when cleaning the bathrooms. Even if you flushed the urinals ten times (we even tried, didn't help) they would give off chlorine gas if even a drop of bleach touch them.

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>>33838676
i love shenanigans time!

>>33838676
Some Marine Radio fuckery
>crusty gunny is telling the raunchy sort of sex stories only marines trapped inside an MRAP by an IED field for 3 days with no AC while waiting for EOD to show up can tell.
>he's telling it over the vehicles internal com headsets
>realizes hes been leaning on the transmit switch
>OH FUCK! what frequency was that over?
>battalion commanders voice comes over the net
>"well..... now ya gotta finish the story"
>turns out gunny was broadcasting his story to the entire battalion

Our battalion commander knew we were stuck in a literal mine field full of 80 pound IEDs and cut us some slack, nobody got in trouble.

>>33839064
post anyways you fucking squid

t. army

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>>33838567
As an ex-nuke, I believe every word of that story.

>>33838676
top kek

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>>33838567
>In RT
>My turn for watch
>Company douche (Faust) decides to wake me up via shaving cream smack
>Shaving cream on my sheets
>Shaving cream on my uniform
>Shaving cream in my eyes
>Wake up half of the birthing yelling "Fuck you, Faust"
>Company Commander even heard me
>Tfw Faust catches more shit than I do

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>>33839196
Way better than my Hong Kong hooker story.

>>33839196
Please put me in screen cap.
Matsi

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>>33840457
gunny fw

>>33838676
the absolute madman

>>33840564
My appache story is a lot better. We had all hell breaking loose at us from a treeline, then a 107mm recoiless rifle came into play.

Shits lookin fucked, get british apache on coms. Literally says "cheerio m8, get that handled in a jiffy" In the most posh accent I've ever heard.

Turns out the pilot who bailed us out of the shit with his gun run was the UK royal family member prince Harry.

>>33840614
Shit, that sounds insensitive as shit. I didnt mean better, so much as happier.

>>33840614

That's what I want all of my air support to sound like.

>>33840310
Traps rats. Rats run up the ropes used to tie a ship to the pier. Not so much a trap as a shield. Think in terms of a metal cone used to keep squirrels out of the bird feeder.

>>33840709
>fucking officer stuck in a cone of shame
my entire sides

>>33840614
god that's fuckin cool, anon

>>33840709
>sailor gets stuck in an idiot cone full of rat shit

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To be fair, I'd'a hit it.

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>>33840564
>mfw i have no words

These are great, keep em' coming Anons please.

>>33840457
AHAHAHAHAH!!!!

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>>33840892
Laughed my balls off when that one went down. Last old story, then I'm off to bed. Terrible 2s SUCK.

>>33840867
jesus fucking christ, how much does forcing his sailors to do that shit violate?

>>33840479
How would he even know what radioactive tastes like?

>>33839129
I...I'm never gonna have sex.
Ever.
There is not enough mental denatured alcohol for this post.

>>33840239
Kek

>>33839129
Why the actual fuck are women allowed in the military again?

>>33840505
Holy shit, the Pentagon almost killed minimum 500 people because they didn't want to get a river dredged.

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>>33840925
Didn't violate any rules, was just insanely fucking unprofessional. Reactor couldn't do any more work than they were already doing, but he just required them to spend more time aboard; mostly working on quals or skating off. Big problem was that he torpedoed morale for absolutely no legitimate fucking reason, and accomplished nothing in so doing. That guy was a fucking psychotic piece of shit.

Also, the ship's Psych at that time, who was in charge of making sure people didn't crack up, knew damned well why Reactor was cutting wrists and swallowing pills at the time. When there's a crisis of leadership at that level, the other Captains onboard (O-6 in the Navy) are supposed to act. It just happened to turn out that that Psych was one of the authors on the Bush administration's official medical justification for why waterboarding was not torture, and is on record as publicly stating that anything that doesn't cause permanent injury can't be torture. And he's a fucking pshrink. Also a total fucking asshole. So, Captain Bryce Lefever didn't give a shit that Joe Creed was destroying Reactor. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=103787285

>mfw I discovered the person responsible for our mental health was a SERE school torturer

>>33840953
Ever had one of those scans where they give you an I.V. of the stuff that makes you feel warm? And you taste "pennies" in your mouth.

The stuff they put is mildly radioactive, its the reason they can actually see what they're scanning for. Don't quote me though, do research for the facts if you want them.

>>33840867
Christmas story
>be in iraq last year on post, 2 am christmas morning
>media keeps saying we dont got boots on the ground and that trump isnt gonna win
>and yet there we were just outside ramadi
>mortars had been dropping rounds on ISIS danger close earlier that day
>theyd actually dropped so much shake and bake that the baseplates on their mortars were starting to crack
>shittiest christmas ever
>somebody starts climbing our post's ladder
>its our brigadier general
>knew he was on base but why the fuck is he here on post?
>asks us how shit is
>tell him it would be nice to quit holding a perimeter and just go shoot some losers
>he agrees but the state department says we arent there, so we cant do stuff like that.
>gives us each a log of dip and a few packs of smokes
>merry christmas gentlemen
>merry christmas sir
>goes down to the next post in line

Was pretty cool, there werent any smokes or dip on base and the gift was much welcome, plus it was cool to see that even our general was stuck in the same forgotten ass-end of nowhere place we were too.

>>33840999
muh equality

>>33840953
Tastes like iron ore.

>>33840811
she definitely sounds like a fun time

I've got one.
>Cherry Point.
>CO is flying.
>I'm pulling duty in the ready room with a O-3.
>CO callsign Satan.
>CO is talking, then cuts off.
>And then NOTHING.
>O-3 radios tower.
>Nope, not getting IFF. Nothing on Radar.
>PANIC MODE.
>Call SAR, Call MAG CO, Call Base General.
>I'm running to each shop saying the CO gone down.
>Everybody is freaking the fuck out.
>Then Tower calls in.
>We've got a visual on a AV8B.
>We go outside.
>AC01.
>The CO lands.
>Back to ready room.
>CO lost ALL power, A.C. power, DC power Emergency batts.
>CO brings back her back on no HUD and no instruments.
That day was fukkin scary.

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>>33841021
fucking christ, man.

>>33841039
that honestly sounds like a great guy to serve under
>fucking mortars breaking from amount of fire
>mfw

>>33841012
Nah, ChEng knew what was up and took precautions. He made sure the whole steam system was filled to max in all the condensers and steam generators, so that when shit DID hit the fan, there was sufficient cooling capacity on board to keep everything cooled until Norfuck. Engineering had worse hours than Reactor, but had higher morale. He was the reason for it (in comparison to Creed >>33841021
, who outranked him).

>>33841068
Is it bad wanting to join to have experiences like this. Not so much as serving the country as doing a job with loads of camaraderie mild shooting shit. For the memories and people I'll meet basically.

>>33841035
CT contrast.
Got one after having multiple hernias.

>>33841021
those are the sort of people who don't realize that America is such a great country specifically because we hold ourselves to a higher standard, not because of any innate greatness.

>>33840999
Hint, it starts with a D and ends with the death of America. Also check em.

>>33839548
>"What's jp-5?"
>Google
>Jp-5 is jet fuel
Who in the name of Jesus titty-fucking Christ on a bike with an Asian hooker would use jet fuel as lube

>>33841035
>The stuff they put is mildly radioactive, its the reason they can actually see what they're scanning for. Don't quote me though, do research for the facts if you want them.
Nah, that's an MRI. There are radioactive isotopes of barium that are used in nuclear medicine procedures, but that's not what most people routinely end up swallowing. The radioactive stuff is used in a PET/CT for cancer screenings and cardiac tests.

>>33841143
well
>doesn't just explode in liquid form
>specifically designed to help lubricate the engines
>probably figured nobody would miss a couple oz
>nice oily compound
of course, the problem is
>it's a fucking solvent

>>33841112
Thank fuck for engineering. I actually have a cousin who works in the shipyard administration for some navy affiliate (I'm not sure which one) so it's entirely feasible that one of my relatives could have died because of government dumbfuckery.

>shudders

Anyway thanks ChEng for saving everyone's ass.

>>33841165
>>33840953

>"Contrast materials can have a chemical structure that includes iodine, a naturally occurring chemical element. These contrast materials can be injected into veins or arteries, within the disks or the fluid spaces of the spine, and into other body cavities."

https://www.radiologyinfo.org/en/info.cfm?pg=safety-contrast

I stand corrected.

>>33841060
I'm both comforted and disturbed by this revelation. Comforted in that I have never tasted it and disturbed by the fact you have tasted both radioactive shit and iron ore.

>>33841090
We killed an awful lot of ISIS sappers crawling through the wire. It was an abandoned base meant for waaaay more people than were on it and trying to secure it was a nightmare. There were about 20 inhabited buildings and about 350 abandoned ones. ISIS suicide bombers would crawl in under the wire 2 or 3 times a week so aside from the really tight perimeter around the inhabited area the rest of the base wasnt REALLY inside the wire.

We had to go on hunting patrols through the abandoned buildings nobody had been in for a decade, sometimes at night. Was a really really wierd post-apocalyptic vibe.
Hunting suicidal death-cultists through ruined buildings at night inside our own wire. Was a fuckin wierd deployment.

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>>33838676
Moral fuckery is best fuckery

>>33841223
This is the kind of thing I mean, I'd do anything to live and experience things like this. But I realize good cannot go alone its always accompanied by bad. It would be worth it.

>>33841218
Yeah, I figured it was probably some halogen variant rather than something radioactive. Oh well, live and learn.

>>33841223
dude, fuck that entire situation
I'd imagine you had some times where you wanted to bug everyone out, set up scarecrows, wait for the tusken raiders to show up, and broken arrow that motherfucker.

>>33841068
what aircraft?

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>>33841113
>Is it bad
Yeah, kinda. It's bad because the reason everyone remembers these stories is b/c they were the rare bright spots amidst years of absolute shit.

>update on screencap:
>Chief deserted to Canada, and asked for asylum
>reason he gave is that he became aware that F/A-18s off the carrier were flying low and slow over civilian areas
>they did so to draw fire; anyone who fired at the jet "was an insurgent"
>ground pounders would then go in and get them
>never mind the fact that in a country at war, where all households are allowed AKs for HD, everyone's fucking armed
>"jet flying low at night" = "my whole family's about to die", according to Chief
>he believed this constituted a war crime under the Geneva Conventions (deliberately inflicting terror on civilians), and requested transfer to a ship not involved in Iraqi Freedom
>they cut him orders to the GW, which he then discovered was immediately going right back to the Gulf, and he deserted
>asylum claim rejected
>currently living as Canadian illegal

>>33841277
>AV8B
>Harrier II

>>33841249
The bad is that we were on half rations the entire time living in literally falling down buildings without power or water. Our drinking water supplies was contaminated too, but we didnt find out until halfway through the deployment.

I got back to the US after living like a starving 3rd world refugee for 8 months and it was like seeing the garden of fucking eden. Pretty white women, electricity, so much clean water people literally shit in it. People eating more on one plate than we had available in a 24 hour period.

>>33841223
Fucking STALKER wet dream right there.

>>33841220
kek

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>>33839196
Smuggling tiny asian women into military property is a fine enlisted military tradition

>>33841220
He's making shit up, though. I've done shots of reactor coolant underway; it doesn't taste like anything. Also, not overly radioactive, either.

>>33841294
tell the hammer story, faggot
please tell me he rolled with the nickname thor

>>33841304
Sounds like living. Am 20 year old neet who has done nothing of the sort for said 20 years besides a diploma and is half way through a science degree. I may sound foolish but I want to live and experience the good and bad.

>>33841301
shieeeet

>>33841166
Yeah I guess, but my line of thinking is generally "is this good for bots, if so don't put in up your ass"

>>33841327
What was the point of this post? Radioactive doesn't taste like anything, but you've never tasted it?

Sorry you confused the brainlet.

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>>33841143
Fucking retards that's who
>First day of jet engine mechanic school the first lesson was to no drink or use jet fuel on your body
> First thought who would do that?
> 7 years and a career change later I no longer question the stupidity of the average enlisted man or woman

>>33841261
More stories of that base
>on routine sapper hunting patrol
>its kinda like a jack in the box except if you dont shoot it fast enough it explodes, and its 4 am and pitch black
>find wierd door in hillside
>go in with squad
>super sneaky tacticool with night vision and shit clearing a bunker
>bunker goes down like 6 fuckin levels, and its HUUUGE
>at the bottom is holding cells, a pile of old (like 30+years) clothes in the corner
>steel chair bolted to floor in the middle of the room
>where the FUCK are we?
>well it IS an abandoned saddam era base
>go back to surface
>gunfire in distance, yelling, muffled thud
>alternate team cornered sapper, chased him to an abandoned building, then threw thermite grenades at him through the window until he blew himself up

Intel guy we debriefed with said that we were in one of uday Hussein's torture-chambers.

>>33841333
No such luck. Nickname was Chuck, tho, so that kinda works. Also, no real story to the hammer incident. He was in the office, got a phone call that involved a politically motivated chewing of his ass, and took ass chewing with dignity and composure. Hung up, let out a war cry, picked up the nearest large heavy object (3 lb hammer), and hurled it at a bulkhead. One of the other guys dug it out, had the HTs inscribe "Mjolnir" on it, and put it on a plaque over the hole.

>>33841402
>threw thermite grenades until he blew up

Elaborate on this and kek

>>33841402
>ts kinda like a jack in the box except if you dont shoot it fast enough it explodes, and its 4 am and pitch black
that one got me in the sides

>then threw thermite grenades at him through the window until he blew himself up
and this one made me fucking snort like a goddamn pig

>>33841394
It needs to be really radioactive to taste like iron ore. The survivors of the Caesium 137 radiological contamination incident, in Goiania - Brasil - circa 1987, have all claimed that high doses of radiation leave you with a lingering taste of iron in your mouth.

>>33841394
Reactor coolant is one of the most radioactive things you'll get access to that's somehow ingestible. However, even that's not very radioactive. Rickover chugged a tall glass on the floor of the Senate once. There are filters in the coolant system to remove particulates, and that takes care of the vast majority of the available radioactivity. Given that what he licked off the deck had previously been reactor coolant, and then had sat for a few days until it had gone through 5 half lives, it was significantly less active than a shot done off a coolant sample.

>>33841463
>There are filters in the coolant system to remove particulates
I don't know why, but I didn't exactly expect reactors to produce literal fallout

>>33841424
They tossed 3 or 4 thermite grenades into a small concrete room containing nothing but 3 furiousky burning small suns and a terrified haji wearing a suicide vest.

It was a choice of either cook to death or hit the switch.

>>33841454
Good point. You'll hear the same thing from people who've had radiation treatments for cancers around the mouth.

>>33841463
Thanks for explaining that. Basically what your saying is it doesn't taste like anything in non lethal doses amd what lethal doses taste like is moot?

>>33841454
When I went to summer camp as a wee young lad all the water tasted like iron.

>SHEIT.jpg

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>>33841479

>>33841496
Good old Camp Chernobyly

>>33841496
Look on the bright side>: SUPAHPOWAHS

>>33841476
They really don't, but every time any mechanical anything actuates (a pump spins another rotation, a valve opens or closes, etc), a small amount of metal is worn away; mere particles, but still. That metal, having been subjected to years (if not decades) of neutron bombardment, may be radioactive. The "filters" in question are essentially hugeass water softeners, and the resin in them gets to be hot as FUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKK.

>>33841503
If I could taste my sides, they would be quite ferric right now.

>>33841481
Sorta. See these ones >>33841480
>>33841454. The taste comes long after, due to cell death.

>>33841508
With any luck I'll get something cool like flight or cancer and not end up a faggot like green lantern.

man, these levels of retardation even make the most retarded civilians (which I happen to work with) look like fucking geniuses

>>33841535
Thanks. Gotcha. That cell death I assume causes the release of the iron contained in hemoglobin from dead red blood cells which causes the taste.

Dear faggots, this was a good thread. I love you all, peace out.

>>33841502
I mean we coulda used frags, but when Marines get bored......

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>>33841542
Ayup. The military gets most of its recruits from the dregs of society (people who either want to get out of the hood or the holler), plus an unhealthy smattering of autists. Patriots are also common, and often are stymied by lazy fat fucks who just joined to get away from their lazy fat wives/meathead families, and who are threatened by the work ethic of the people who actually give a fuck. Then that whole mess of people go on deployment together.
>t. autistic patriot

>>33841583
Bigger question, were you issued thermite or did you make it?

>>33841583
In the best sense of the word. Nothing less was deserved.

>>33841223
Dude, this sounds like a book John Dingo did. The Last Centurion.

All these sea stories make me a bit sad I wont ever go on a ship before I switch to the army.

>>33841223
did you ever yell "Gooks in the wire!"?

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>>33841607
Also, it turned out one of the commenters in that cap was right. It was hemorrhoids, not a prolapsing colon. So be sure to stay hydrated (especially when drinking), take a fiber supplement, and don't browse /k/ on the shitter; sitting on toilets for long periods dramatically increases hemorrhoid risk.

Hemorrhoids are shockingly common among vets, but rarely discussed. If it feels like a balloon pops out your ass whenever you shit, and you bleed like a stuck pig when you wipe, discuss the possibility with your primary care doctor. Treatment includes picrelated, or shoving a tube of Preparation H up your ass and giving it a firm squeeze (use KY on the applicator tip that Prep H includes in every tube just for that occasion!).

>This has been a Public Service Announcement from 4chan.org/k

>>33841618
>>33841618
No, it was issued. Burned so hot that it turned the rooms of those concrete prefabs into ovens.
Im suprised nobody has asked "why didnt they run or surrender"

The answer to that question is "beause we always propped the doors shut with a halligan bar"
>>33841693
I read the book, believe me, I was making the comparison inside my head at the time. We even hired locals to do cleanup and cooking work. (Sadly not as a cover to have a harem of female servants like in the book though, they were all males).

>>33841294

So are the chief and e5 not together anymore?

>>33841767
Would have been fukkin cool.
>Hillery gets elected.
>H1N1 rekts world.
>Dems do stupid shit.
>Dems get eternally BTFO.

>>33841622
Good story for ya, most far out thing I ever saw
>capture ISIS fighter
>we only get a c-130 every 2 weeks or so, we arent equipped for prisoners, nor are the supply runs
>local elder says they'll handle it
>hang guy upside down from powerline pole
>work him over with a 2x4
>then just leave....
>I mean he's busted up good but that seems pretty tame for dealing with a guy who had been raping your children a week prior
>the villagers stop about 400 meters away, pop a squat and begin watching intently
>(during this time were watching through binos btw, good distance off)
>what are they waiting for? Maybe we gotta go cut him down and figure out what to do
>hes hanging upside down, yelling and bleeding
>then the jackals begin to emerge.......

I am sure it would be funnier if I was the primary source, or had been in the Navy. But hearing more or less the same thing from various enlisted personnel I have come in contact with.

>Scraping paint
>can't scrape paint if tools go overboard
>I wonder what happens if tools go overboard, surely they will float
>they don't float
>well, tools failed float test but now we have no tools to scrape paint
>the end

>>33841218
My friend was injected with Technetium 99 when he had some heart valve thing done. I waved him over with my Geiger counter to see if it ticked.

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>>33841767
>we always propped the doors shut with a halligan bar"
so the cunt couldn't even commit suicide via Marine. Fucking glorious.

>>33841737
>that image
>please jesus no
fucking lord man, what in the navy isn't a shitshow?
>>33841767
isn't military thermite way fucking more retardedly hot and destructive than your normal (immense airquotes on that shit) thermite?
>"beause we always propped the doors shut with a halligan bar"
fucking christ, man.
must've been real interesting to be on an MG out there.

>>33841736
Yeah, it was actually our brevity code for such issues.
>>33841803
I was fine with not having to sack istanbul to go home, thankyou very much.

>>33841823
You aren't helping the urges of quitting my degree and going 8404 Anon. But I love these types of stories thanks.

(Going anyway after degree but trying to hold out and get it first)

>>33841778
No clue.

>>33841463
>Rickover drank a tall glass of reactor coolant on the floor of the Senate
dude what

>>33839920
You would also have 100g of cupronickel,which you could melt down and cast it as shit

>>33841832
Short half life, soft emissions. Often won't even twitch a good meter. I-131, though, is a whole different can of worms. Fuck that mess. Rich assholes get it to treat their cats hyperthyroidism, ignore vet's orders to set the used cat litter aside for 10 half lives (about 3 months), and put it in the trash. Trash trash comes by, takes it to the transfer station, sets off a radiation alarm, and then I have to drive down their to dumpster dive with a geiger counter. Usually cat litter; sometimes adult diapers, feminine products, or dip spit bottles.

>>33841959
why would spit bottles give off radiation?

>>33841959
do you work in a fucking transfer station? almost took a dozer job at one. how fucking awful is that shit?

>>33841858
>Not wanting to retake Constantinople.
Dude this retired Marine would cut his feet off to get cyborg limbs to do that shit.

>>33841977
Tobacco is radioactive.

>>33841977
Because the person who was dipping had had a nuclear medicine procedure done that involved radioloactive Iodine-131, and every fluid coming out of their body contains it.

>>33841987
No, work for a state agency. We just get the call when something radioloactive shows up somewhere it shouldn't be. That being said, a lot of dirty jobs pay startlingly well, and Waste Management is considered an excellent employer.

Seriously, I've got to get the fuck to bed. My toddler's gonna wake up pissed in an hour or two because <insert psychotic nonsense here>.

'Night.

>>33841510
have you ever done a resin bead refill

>>33842045
Only very mildly above background,and only because the plant preferentially absorbs the decay products of naturally occurring radon gas.

>>33842007
I spent a cumulative 2 years in combat. I had enough fun. I miss it a lot but I've had enough close calls and shit that I decided I'd had my glory and it was time to settle down.
Im marrying a hot rich german chick in 3 weeks, gonna start my own buisiness and live the life. I had fun but I started gaining rank and finding myself surrounded by career obsessed assholes instead of my comerades at arms that actually made it enjoyable. I was looking at picking up staff but decided reenlisting to try to capture the glory and comeraderie from my earlier career was a hollow gesture.

I was 26, still young enough to reaclimate to civvy life and move on, so I did.

I'm going to modify your statement:
I'd cut off my legs to go back in time and do that shit with the people I was with when I started my career.

Errbody musta hopped offline at one time.
Bump for good thread life support.

bump 2

AED *bump*

That should keep you for a bit.

>>33841136
Democrats?

>>33842562
Dongs

>be arty in Afghanistan
>Early morning, enjoying Starbucks coffee I lifted off some Nasty Girls and watching the sun rise from the gun pit
>Some guy comes sprinting down the battery
>Close behind is a female captain in nothing but a sports bra and pt shorts and two other guys
>"You! Stop him!"
>Pick up a nearby fuse setter and lob it
>Used to be a shotput champ back in high school
>Hit him in the back of the leg, he goes down
>The Captain catches up, rolls the guy face up and pulls a pair of panties from one of his pockets
>Checks the others and pulls out more panties. One had the 173rd Airborne emblem silk-screened on the crotch.
>Ask what is going on while the two guys, apparently MPs or something, collect the runner
>The Captain was apparently in the shower after finishing her morning PT routine, came out to find the guy she had been chasing in the shower block, collecting worn panties from the bundles of clothing

>>33841402
>suicide bomber
>runs away from his enemies
What did he mean by this?

>>33841021
So, whatever happened to Mr. Creed?

>>33842853
This guy would be me.

Best thread in a long time

>>33842982
This and the one with all the videos of cops utilizing their weapons. Many discussions on ballistics and calibers were had. As well as some bone chilling videos that scared me and a few other anons.

Hope it happens again.

>>33841767
>>33841693
Heh. I was thinking exactly the same thing.

Too bad you couldn't let them overrun the base and then blow everything, like in the book.

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>>33839246

So this thread made me not want to enlist.
Blood mushrooms and piss rocks have put me back on the path to higher education.

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>>33839196
That's bullshit but I believe it.

>>33842900
Their goal is to get inside our main perimeter and cause as much damage as possible to expensive equipment or tightly packed chowhalls and bivy sites.

They dont want to just get gunned down in an abandoned shed from 300 yards away. Their goal isnt JUST to die, its to cause as many casualties or as damage as much expensive stuff as possible in doing so.

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>>33843191
How the fuck does this make you want to not enlist? If my grandfather hadnt so generously spent a fuckton of his money on my education I'd sign up right now.

I envy you guys, wish I wasn't a faggot that has obligations to keep to his family so they don't think he's a complete disappointment.

>>33841327
but have you licked an rcp

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Have any of you guys ever reached the point where all you can do is just laugh?

>be innadesert
>enlisted to late for the big pushes and too early for the Second Korean War
>standing post at the Kuwait/Iraq border, told that we might push into Iraq at a moments notice all the time
>almost a month, it becomes evident that this is not the case
>stand an 8 hour post, wave at the real Marines going into Iraq
>see something coming from the distance, realize its a wall of fucking sand about to fill every crevice of my body with sand
>shift isn't over for another 2 hours, watch it as it slowly creeps to my shitty little FOB
>throw on my balaclava and goggles, e-tape my gloves to my CVCs,
>storm hits and spend the next hour and a half standing guard in the storm
>can only see maybe 10 feet in front of me, ponder at the absurdity of standing watch with only 10 feet visibility
>replacement is 10 minutes late, its getting dark and the storm is still going strong
>count ammo as best as we can in the storm, had to do it with flash lights because it was already dark at this point
>start to amble back in the storm, realize that its taking longer than I remember to get back to my hooch
>storm finally dies down, realize that I walk to the complete other side of the FOB
>Turn around and start to walk back half awake, its cold, I've got sand on my gooch and in my asscrack and my feet hurt
>look up to see the stars but realize I can't see the stars, funny I could usually see a star filled sky at night
>feel a drop land on my face, a slight drizzle turns into moderate rainfall
>feel the rain turn the sand on my body into a layer of slimy mud as I walk to my hooch
>starts to REALLY pour, feel the slimy mud slide down my ass crack and onto my ball sack
>stop dead in my tracks and just bask in the shittiness of it all
>realize that because I'll never see combat, this moment is the epitome of my entire enlistment
>start to laugh, because thats all I can do

The ME sure is a strange place

>>33843403
I have no desire to see combat outside of a world war and spending time doing meaningless paper work, constant repair, or cleaning up nasty shit seems like a waste of time.
I'd rather take my chances and go back to college then take a wack at bloody tampons stomped down drains.

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God I love military shenanigans. Makes me miss my days in the Navy.

>Be CT(T) on a small-boy
>Have supplemental duty of setting and monitoring EMCON condition for the ship
(EMCON is short for EMission CONtrol, basically fucking around and shutting off anything that gives out radio signals)
>Wake up one morning in a pissy mood
>Oh wait, I'm stuck at sea
>BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE
>Chief is also in a pissy mood today
>Makes me take the watch at fucking 0610
>I've been awake since 0605
>No one who isn't on watch isn't awake yet
>Decide to be a dick to literally everyone on the ship
>"SET EMCON CONDITION (bravo, iirc), ALL STATIONS MAKE EMCON REPORTS TO CIC."
>Now no one has interbutt access
>Promptly forget I did this
>Two weeks later, be going over log reports with my LPO
>"CTT2, why have we been in EMCON 2 the past two weeks? Is that why the internet has been down?"
>"Uhh..."
>"SECURE FROM EMCON. RESUME NORMAL RADIO OPERATIONS."

And that's how I learned you can get away with anything as long as it's done before everyone has had their coffee. Sometimes it was the small things that brought joy to my black little heart.

Also, fuck ever being an HT. Once walked into a head to take a leak and saw two of them standing in about four inches of brown shit-water holding plungers.

>>33843501
The weather in kuwait is more spastic and unpredictable than a PMSing meth-whore. I was only there for 3 weeks but I remember it being 130 degrees at noon, a sandstorm at 2:00, then it raining enough to flood the bivy-tents 8 inches deep in 2 hours followed by fog like out of silent hill and capped off the next day with 120 degree heat with 100% humidity.

Also its the most boring country to look at ever. Its literally nothing but flat empty sand.

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>>33843570
Ive never been on ship but fellow Marines who have tell horror stories about how horrid life at sea is.

Seems odd to most when I say this but despite literally not doing anything but back to back combat pumps like every grunt supposedky dreams of I always regretted not being able to do a MEU.

>>33843582

As horrid as it was, I fucking miss it.

God I need to either find a way back in, or talk to a therapist.

>>33843571
I was there during the winter and I could never get over how fucking cold it got at night, I remember having to sleep under the stars when we were doing cross training with the grunts and waking to find that it was so goddamned cold I couldn't feel my fucking feet

All I could think is how much I would've hated doing this AND being worried I might get shot at

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>was never intimidated by the main aspects of the military
>physical activity
>getting yelled at
>getting to know equipment/weapons
>etc...
>only thing that ever made me nervous was all the acronyms and ranks to learn
>have dreams where I forget symbols or some definitions in front of higher-ups
>anxietyattack.png

Pic related, this whole thread

>>33842937
happens ridiculously often

>on okinawa around 2005
>weekly reports of panty thief has females guarding their laundry
>things calm down after a few weeks as the thief goes into hiding
>panties STILL going missing occasionally though
>overhear rumors of health and comfort
>barracks manager is up at about 2200 putting shit in his car
>shits going down
>about 4 hours later the banging on the doors start
>were "briefed" about the health and comfort inspection and we all have to stay in the hallway
>bring blanket and pillow for extra sleep
>woke to screaming "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!"
>panty thief found.jpg
>was a female marine the whole god damn time
>gets charged for theft and demoted
>weird boner

>>33843635
Eh, you kinda just get used to it honestly. You develop an anti-social cavalier attitude towards life and just choose to not give a fuck about anything.

>>33843752

jeez yeah. i'm a cushy AF officer and even i just keep thinking about my civilian friends "who gives a fuck about that." like it's important, but perspective: WE'RE AT FUCKING WAR. AND HAVE BEEN FOR 16 GODDAMN YEARS. (30 if you count since GW1 or Panama or Grenada)

>>33843656
Oh my god. I've been in 37 gunfights, ive had 2 trucks blown out from under me by IEDs, and one by an RPG strike to the engine-block.

You know what I STILL have nightmares about 3 years post EAS? Not getting shot at, not getting blown up, or seeing dead bodies every day.

I have nightmares about showing up to formation late and in the wrong uniform.

>>33843764
dude wheres your rifle?

>>33843761
>be sleeping in MRAP at temporary patrol base cuz shade
>get woke up by a mortar round impacting 12 feet outside the shitty mud wall of the compound wed taken over
>look around, doc pokes head in and asks if im hurt
>nope
>go back to sleep
>sleep through our mortar teams 6 gun 81mm counter battery 10 feet away

Nobody is dying, somebody else is standing watch, ive been awake 72 hours fuck it, nap time continues.

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>>33843769
Jesus FUCK dont do that!!!!
Im not even exaggerating, my heart skipped a beat.

>>33843795
sometimes when i'm bored or i'm on duty i'll send my buddy a random text that he's got to take a PFT or CFT tomorrow morning just to remind him he's back in the sane world. he got out about 3 years ago

>>33843764
Top lol. At first I thought you were going to go the "hardass" route when you started talking about getting blown up, but I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks about the "mixup" moments.

I typically have dreams about being in basic training and getting separated from my group.
>in formation
>realize I'm the one guy who doesn't line up with anyone because there isn't a spot for me
>oh shit

>be on range for first time
>look around and it's not my same unit
>try to blend in and borrow another persons rifle or something
>get found out by instructors
>"what in the FUCK are you doing here pvt anon?!"
>"it's your second day, you shouldn't even have a rifle!"

Those are the most prominent ones. Other times I dream that I just get lost in some maze of an unfamiliar base and can't recognize anyone.

this shit is why I cannot join the military

>>33843848
yeah this shit... right

>>33843819
My buddy still does that, its a running joke between us to maybe avery few months wake the other up with a phonecall or text at 3am along the lines of
>"DUDE. you gotta get up RIGHT NOW, The OOD wants you in the duty hut in alphas NOW!"
>formation, 15 minutes, dress blues inspection
>or the age old classic "dude where are you? 1stsgt has been looking all over for you, and he lookS PISSED!"

He lives in chicago and I live in Montana and we STILL give eachother shit like that.

>>33843834
God yeah, or those dreams where youre late for something and trying to get ready but you just cant find that last uniform item. The rest of it is debating whether its worse to show up even more late but in uniform, or less late missing a rank pin.

List of good ones:
>wake up still in the service somehow, but still in current fucked up civvy status, desperatley trying to unfuck self before anyone notices
>failing a PFT or CFT (I never even came CLOSE to getting less than 1st class but apparently my brain stashed it permanantly into the ol' anxietey folder)
>Oh Fuck wheres my rifle
> "oh fuck where did the rest of my unit go? If theyre all somewhere I should be too. Im so fucked!"
>waking up back at bootcamp

>>33839434
STE? I thought you would've upgraded to taclane by now

>>33841886
These stories are only had by 5% of the military. And those are either SUPER lucky grunts or SOF dudes.

I have dreams that I've reenlisted. I'm back in the barracks, seein some of the ole buds, the PX, gettin excited. Then realize- oh fuck! Four more years? WTF did I do????

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>>33841402
>then threw thermite grenades at him through the window until he blew himself up

Cool the thread is still alive.

Was guy saying I'd be the panty theft type.

>>33839196
>>33839310
TMW everyone who has been stationed in Area 1 ROK remembers the one guy in his unit that would have at least one (usully more than 1) runaway drinky girl living in his barracks room

>>33841223
I feel like this would make for a great scene in a book or a movie.

>>33843866

Got out when Clinton was in office

>Had dream a month or so ago that MP's showed up on my front porch with a set of orders.

Distinctly remember thinking "Well, guess I need to Hit clothing and Sales because I'm two uniform's out of date." and then "WTF? Are you assholes serious? I'm 40, broken, and fat" in my dream.

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>>33838676

>>33839089
He doesn't.
Its because your computer/router uses something called dynamic IP,meaning it doesn't hold onto one address but changes when certain time passes.
Some of those IP addresses are banned by default on 4ch or other anons abused them.

>>33841959
Related story

>Be aboard an aircraft carrier with a shitty chain of command and morale problems
>In the shipyard, fixing brokedick boat again
>Overkill safety regs require weekly searches for radioactive contamination outside the propulsion plants
>Bored radiological controls tech is surveying the bathroom owned by the reactor department's radiological controls/chemistry division.
>Walks in the door and the Geiger counter starts chirping fast
>Starts searching for source
>Narrows it down to one urinal that's hot as balls, and the splashback on the floor around it
>Guy walked through the splashback and trailed it out the door
>Tech wtfs hard and calls away a spill
>They clean up the floor, take wipes, and have them analyzed
>Isotope comes from a nuclear medicine treatment
>Locate only guy in division who'd been to the naval hospital, turns out he had a procedure done
>He gave paperwork to his chain of command that said he's not to work on a nuclear vessel until he cools down, because he's giving off exposure
>Douchebag Chief called him in anyway, made him put on his radiation monitor (TLD) and go to work in the plant
>TLD comes back hot as balls from being on that dude's belt, and they have to calculate out an estimate of his true dose from working in the plant, since his TLD was full of non-occupational exposure.
>Urinal cleaned by radiation cleanup crew
>Once the guy cools down, they make him reenact everything he's done in the plants lately, so they can calculate/estimate his true dose.
>Chief that ordered him to come in, against higher order from Medical, suffers no repercussions

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>be on board a CG
>at sea
>officers have their own self serve laundry
>enlisted self service laundry is like 4 machine split between the whole crew
>can only use self service laundry on your department's day
>officers been raiding enlisted self serve laundry as they please
>all male ship except 5 female officers
>i'm doing laundry
>my buddy is doing laundry
>buddy goes to take someone else's shit out of the dryer so he can put his shit in there
>he is pulling clothes out
>handling female undergarments
>suddenly a female officer appears
>buddy says to her with a straight face
>ma'am, i swear i wasn't sniffing your panties
>shockhorrorleltopkek.png
>mfw i witnessed this

>>33843570
how come every sailor on /k/ is
>a nuke
>or comms to some fashion
is there nobody else aboard? are you it?

>>33845956
See >>33841607. Nukes and comms are where the autists end up, and autists are disproportionately represented on /k/.

For example, you'll NEVER see an ABF (guys in charge of aircraft fuel systems) on 4chan. That's b/c they're a bunch of illiterate knuckle draggers who either have multiple drug convictions or joined the Navy to keep from getting arrested while they were being investigated for drug crimes. ABF berthings are pretty much South Central.

>>33845956
I'm in API right now (flight school), but I'm a butterbar and don't know anything. My only military experiences are being pranked by my LTs and Capt while I was stashed for 7 months, or getting into shenanigans with campus PD

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Gonna leave this gem here.

Wonder if koko is still around here lurking in a thread or two

>>33840740
Not an officer, a PO1

>>33841223
This honestly makes me miss being in
>tfw in my 30s with "real job" now

>>33846019
>ABF are more or less shitskins
and I'm assuming redshirts are about the same, universally speaking?
>uncle was redshirt on a nimitz
>motherfuckers crazy

>>33846149
If you are a butterbar and havent had shenannigans thats a good thing. Butterbars with shennanigans under their belt end uo picking up secret nicknames from the enlisted like lance-captain or faggot.
Story:
>have badass platoon commander
>gets promoted to captain, sent to other battalion
>bootenant shows up
>first day on the job he refers to a TOW missile system as a spotlight, gets mad that our machinegunners dont know how to use an 81mm mortar, falls off the top of a humvee. TWICE.
>couple weeks later loses his helmet, blames the enlisted for "stealing it"
>company gunny believes him, we get fuck-fuck games for all 6 days in the field for it
>get back to garrison, oh hey! Turns out he'd just left it in his car before we left!
>the list of his stupidity goes on and on

The enlisted underground name for him was windowlicker-actual. So yeah, as an officer not having charades is a good thing.

>>33846527
>falls off the top of a humvee. TWICE.
how the fuck? standing on a truck is not a hard concept
jesus christ how has the military not self-destructed yet
>still relatively better than the cpl that ruined dads motorpool

>>33846149

you're aviation. you'll have shennanigans when you get to your fleet squadron. that's your job as the FNG, have shennanigans. a good set of leadership expects that and will shield you from serious repercussions as long as they are cheeky and fun.

>>33846493
Redshirts are all good ol' boys. So, yeah, pretty much. They're uneducated, start fights randomly, have criminal records (or escaped charges), have deep experience with recreational narcotics, and their personal hygiene is spotty at best. Only difference is that their music about how their SO cheated on them so they killed her lover is sang with a country twang, instead of being rapped. Also, they hate the ABFs for racist reasons, and vice versa.

>>33846600
fmf corpsman get to have any fun? I assume so since I've heard a few times before they just basically baby sit the muhreenz

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>>33846627
>realize my barber has made comments relating to being a redshirt
>he uses a straight razor to clean up the shitty hairs the clippers don't get on my neck
>mfw i trust this man with my carotid artery

>>33839434
>goes on /k/
>posts shit that was on a classified military network

How fucking stupid are you?

>>33846644
I'd bet that what he wrote wasn't the actual message, anon

>>33842064
Mind revealing what agency?
How does one get a job like that?

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>>33846527
>The enlisted underground name for him was windowlicker-actual

>>33846658

and i'm also sure that was encoded using a one-time pad.

>>33846762
>Mind revealing what agency?
Yeah, because we're tiny, and there's not many of us. It's a state "radiation control program."
>How does one get a job like that?
They're usually run out of state Environmental or Health departments. They're all short-staffed, so here's what you need:
-A 4 year degree in a science field
-Preferably some background in a radiation related field
-A pulse

You'll be paid about 50-70% of what you could make in the private sector, even adjusting for the cost of health insurance. However, you have incredible job security; particularly so long as the public is unecessarily paranoid about "Radiation!!!"

>>33842072
Not the guy you're talking to but I've seen one done at a commercial plant

>be me
>interning at an outage
>plant shuts down to refuel so they bring in a shit ton of contractors to clean and do maintenance
>was helping with some paperwork in trailers that are each contracting companies offices
>rad tech comes into trailer and tells us we are going to have to get out in about an hour
>moving resin bead filter from spent fuel pool to temp storage
>temp storage is a fuck huge concrete box with 2 foot thick walls
>basically gonna use a crane to move it
>time comes to move it
>get out of trailer and ask rad tech what the safe distance is
>60 feet
>Jesus.fuck
>crane is moving it
>as crane is moving it rad tech sees two women walking into the danger area
>screams at them to back the fuck up
>they don't hear him or ignore him
>rad tech is not in suit so cannot go into area
>squatch is dressed out
>squatch is 6'9" rad tech
>rad tech radios squatch
>squatch sees women and basically sprints, lowers his upper body, and picks both women up at the waist caveman style
>women are screaming
>after filter is put up women have to be checked for contamination
>apparently they ignored a guard and proceeded directly into an area that has all kinds of RCA signs all over it
>ingnoring RCA sign is a felony
>women basically get suspended without pay
>squatch gets a club made from scrap wood
>it was a good day

do military people wear ear protection in combat to keep their hearing from being damaged? how loud are like the .50 machine guns and tanks?

>>33846900
do you have any more of based squatch because he sounds like a great time

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>>33840892
>Right off the side of the damn boat

Jesus christ my sides

>>33846904
>do military people wear hearing protection in combat

No

>how loud are .50s and tanks

Wtf do you think?

>>33847010
i think theyre probably pretty loud but i was wondering how bad it would fuck u up if they went off near you without hearing proteciton

>>33847135
literally deafening if you're completely unprotected.

>>33846949
>in reactor building
>doing work on the pressurizer
>basically imagine a big ass propane gas tank in a concrete box
>there is no fucking room in there on a good day
>I was a QC inspector intern so I was getting paid a buttload of money to watch people work
>work is taking longer than it was supposed to
>in normal constuction this isn't a problem
>when you're working on a radioactive system this can be a problem
>increased exposure time can make cumulative doses go up
>HPs and rad techs get bonuses based on how low they keep doses
>were working on one of the more radioactive components of nuclear plants
>our current rad tech is nearing his Time/Dose limit for his shift
>only one with low levels at the moment is squatch
>squatch (for obvious reasons) does not like confined spaces
>bodily lifts our rad tech out of the hatch and manages to squeeze his bulk into the pressurizer cube
>work continues
>squatch is contorted among all kinds of pipes and wires
>all of a sudden he says uh-oh
>what dude?
>leg cramp
>ohshit.mfw
>somehow twists his body into an even stranger position to free his right leg
>suddenly he has a spasm
>kicks the team foreman right in the face
>like fucking mule kick
>team foremans head snaps backward and hits a pipe just below the line of his hard hat
>loud pinging sound
>starts bleeding everywhere
>MERT-team.mp3
>turns out foreman is ok, only very light concussion
>boot shaped bruise on the side of his face for the rest of the outage
>other inspectors and I cannot contain our sides while writing incident reports
>the guys under that foreman apparently sent squatch a card that they all signed

Apparently squatch framed that card and the incident report and hung them up in his office and makes threatening remarks to managers about having a leg cramp when they displease him.

>>33846904
Highly depends on te unit. Most grunts don't, but pretty much all of SOCOM uses electronic EarPro.

>>33847384
Can you civvies survey a PWR reactor space during an outage and release it from contamination controls, or did Mr. Concussion turn into a potentially contaminated injured worker?

>>33841829
Here's mine. Really happened.

>be in chain locker, doing DCPO stuff
>deckie chipping paint on fo'c'sle, like 5 decks above me, hears my snoring echoing up the hawsepipe
>deckie drops a chipping hammer down the hawsepipe
>snoring stops
>?????
>profit

Scared the piss out of me. Sounded like a freight train was coming down that pipe.

>>33841402
>>at the bottom is holding cells, a pile of old (like 30+years) clothes in the corner
>>steel chair bolted to floor in the middle of the room
Spoopy, guess you founded a a torture room/blacksite

>>33846425
He's around, you just can't see him

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>>33843403
I have really bad asthma so I can't enlist.

Any Navy fags here from mayport? Because I know the true origins of the feud/prank war a couple years ago between the Lassen? and Roosevelt?. Hint: some chick from the Farragut was the one who kicked it off by pissing in yalls water

>>33847135
WHAT? SPEAK UP! I CANT HEAR YOU!

>>33847643
I specified layer, it was an abandoned iraqi base from saddam era. Was one of uday hussein's play-rooms.

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>>33838676
Apex jej

>>33841823
jesus man, thats some backyard justice

>>33843010
which thread?

>>33841223
I would have been begging to demo/claymore every uninhabited structure on that base. Holy fuck

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>>33847384
>makes threatening remarks to managers about having a leg cramp when they displease him.

>>33847546
why the fuck are ELTs so shady

what do yall even do in nucleonics

>>33849184
Whatever you say you want done. In record time. Or however long you want it to take.

>>33849184
ELTs don't actually do anything, but the paperwork all looks legit.

>>33840302
>living like larry

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>>33846425
better version

>>33842853
Several questions... Nasty girls? And about latter half of that situation.

>>33850207
Theyre both unreadable on my screen.

>>33850663
nasty girls is slang for national guard

>>33850663
Nasty Girls = National Guard.

>>33850700
open it in a new tab you fucking fuck

>>33850700
you must be retarded or something then

>>33845956
Former STG here, Sonar control was comfy in the heat and shit in the cold.

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>>33840632
either that or like rednecks.

>>33841304
>Our drinking water supplies was contaminated too

Contaminated with?

Gonna assume shit unless it something else... I mean there's a fuckton of things water can be contaminated with.

>>33845823
for some reason I was under the impression that the military used "sir" for officers regardless of gender.

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>>33845956

CT2 Navyfag here, the answer, for me at least, is simple.

The recruiter lied to me. They told me I'd have a Top Secret clearance, and I'd get to work with cool-sounding gadgets and gizmos and I'd basically be an enlisted James Bond.

I was 18, whaddya expect? I ate that shit up, signed the contract, and joined the Fleet only to realize I was just a quota.

My whole world revolved around a black screen with green lines, learning more than I'd care to about radar, and being stuck with half a dozen autists in my division.

At least our workspace had its own self-contained AC unit, so it was comfy as fuck when we were sailing around the Equator.

>>33850700
Open the URL, delete the "m" from the end of the filename.

>>33851242
Some sorta bactieria that made you shit yer guts out.

>>33851339
CT_2? T brancher? R brancher? I work with a lot of both of those faggots

>>33851429
Probably coliform, which means shit contamination.,

>>33851445

T branch. Fuck those R faggots.

>>33853084
You guys are just as gay/weird, I hope you know that. I don't know what it is about corey that does it to you

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>>33838676
is this why other countries feel its fine to kidnap our sailors for ransom? because they know you have the maturity level of frat bros playing pranks on each other?

OP here, happy to see all the stories people posted. One last one.

>Wife has wife friend married to shitbag airman
>They live on base together, he controls her life.
> he uses their only car and debit cards
>i always tell my wife to tell her to nut up and stop the bullshit but this chick has tigerstriped Stockholm syndrome.
>One day chick calls my wife, says husband hasnt come home for a few days
>I tell her to immediately alert the command.
>Few days go by and she finally tells us what happened...
>She went to the command and they got confused when she said hubby was missing
>Hubby wasnt missing
>I shit you not hubby PCS'd to a new command and left his wife like a fucking junkyard dog
>I still kek at his audacity to this day

Oh and he got strung up good for that shit but the gal is still with him lol.

>>33853691
Thats fucking gold

>>33853691
One of my fucking lances did some shit like that back in 1999
>Get in faggot, we're going to East Timor
>WOO HOO!
So off we go and somehow he's managed to give his family, his Lt's phone number in case they ever needed to find him. But along the way, he's just on the boat and there for two months in and just omitted to tell anyone in his family that's he's gone overseas. In a panic, they've tried to call me- but that's no good because my phone isn't working.
Work their way up command and down again to me, where the fuck is Cpl Blogs?
>Has he been lost?
>Is he dead?
>Is he hurt?
Nope he's just here, having fun, in (mostly) working order and perfectly fine.

Some many years later, another Lance is getting married. The team got the poor bastard utterly annihilated at his bucks party.
>Smuggled him on a commercial airliner
>Half his clothes
>No money
>No phone
>One way ticket from Sydney to Perth
>He's getting married that day

So somehow this spastic has managed to forget everything, probably even his name or what planet he's on by the time they wake him up 4000km later... except my fucking phone number!

>>33853691
Made me kek. Lances have the WORST marraiges!
>be new corporal
>be given a position as squad leader
>boot lance-criminal of mine gets married
>he always speaks glowingly of his wife
>never met her before or seen her
>one day at commissary parking lot
>me and buddy see him come out of the store with this fucking...... CREATURE
>its shrieking at him, flailing its jiggly appendages, rolls of fat quivering in indignation
>holy shit.... THATS his wife?
>shes mad about something obviously
>takes off a flip-flop as big as a canoe paddle and begins beating him with it
>they drive off having not seen us
>next day after formation
>LCPL schmuckatelli, a word in private
>yes corporal?
>wtf are you DOING married to a rabid walrus?
>...... aye corporal! (Actually did that boot thing where he says aye to an open question)
>cut the aye corporal crap, wtf did you do, get drunk and knock her up?
>no corporal
>then WHY THE FUCK DID YOU MARRY IT?
>I love her corporal?
>DO YOU? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
>..... shes.... my wife corporal
>you are a good looking young man with a paying job and you marry an abusive fuckin cave troll like THAT? And shes not even pregnant?
>yes corporal
>jesus fuckin christ kid, get outta here
>aye corporal!

Its so fuckin hard to tell with boots if theyre legitimatley autistic or just dumb boots. To this day I have no fuckin reason why he married that thing. Her freakout wasnt isolated either, literally any time anyone saw the fat bitch she was behaving like that.
He wasnt an uggo or anything, he coulda had literally any skanky stripper in 29 palms that he wanted in a heartbeat and atleast had something mildly attractive to treat him like shit all the time.