(you) VS 2 academi mercs

>>33717659
Shoot through the door while they're trying to break through it incredibly slowly

considering they're combat vets that know what they're doing, you die

I would ready my bridge and rope which is their greatest weakness

>>33717659
shoot them.

>>33717659
Leave the door open.
They'll get confused and leave

>>33717744
Kekd and checkd

Fill the oven and microwave with cans of bug spray, camp in the attic with a 12ga

>>33717659
Get naked, coat myself in butter and probably feces as war paint. Grab Fiskars hatchet (I have guns, but that isn't a great way to get to valhalla), kill the lights and just go absolutely ape shit the second they walk come in

Yeah. What >>33717692 said. Why is it taking them so long to get in?

>>33717659
>don't really have much to live for
>pour gasoline all over apartment
>duct tape all windows and door
>cut stove gas line
>set up broken light switch to spark when flicked
>wait in the dark
>they kick the door in
>immediately detonate apartment
>end up in hell for killing the family next door in the blast

Ehhh, at least I would technically win.

>>33717659
ied the doors, wait inside with semi-auto shotgun and/or rifle

>>33717659
>hide in the forest surrounding my home
>shoot them in the back when they get on the porch

Parking lot ambush. I hit them with a Buick.

>>33717659

In the basement with my Remington 1100 loaded with buckshot. Winchester 1300 loaded with slugs at the ready.


>>33718068

Pray tell, is it a roadmaster?

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Option 1:

>be me living in apartment
>run to the living room
>creak open door
>fill a bucket with nitric acid
>place bucket on door so it's sturdily in place and will fall on the intruders
>squirt an entire bottle of astroglide all over the tile floor in front of the booby trapped door
>get clear fishing string and tie it to the leg of a chair at the dining table so when I pull it, they hear the chair move and think i'm hiding there
>load shotgun with PDX Defender ammo
>smash bathroom wall
>duct tape tiles, my bulletproof clipboard, and my Scientifica book together
>duct tape makeshift armor to my chest
>tactiqueer wannabe navy seals show up and throw a flashbang through creaked front door
>the force of the explosion knocks bucket of acid down
>they cautiously enter
>they avoid the puddle of acid, but not the puddle of lube
>they slip and one of them falls face first in the acid and realizes its acid
>AUUUURGHHHHHH
>yank invisible fishing string attached to chair 30 feet away
>clunk
>the guy who wasn't incapacitated by the acid does a tactical corner lean with his ar15 towards the dining table
>two-face feebly follows along
>pick up mossberg 930
>blast mr. Automatic Rifle in the back of the head with the slug
>he dies instantly
>the acid burned guy is too slow to react to his buddy dying, but he fires a few rounds before I blast him too
>kill guy number 2

>rest for a bit
>a bit means 40 minutes
>police inevitably enter the living room due to 50 people hearing gunfire and screaming
>one of the police slips on acid/blood/lube mixture and get maimed
>go to prison
>mfw

10 mins? I will run away man.

>>33718249
>"you can't leave the house"
can't you read the OP?

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>>33717955
>>33718068
you two
>>33718254
read this

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>>33718377
Honk honk, motherfucker.

Set up some home alone tier traps, Shotgun tripwire at the front door, ping pong smoke bombs that I will trigger when they breach.

Take cover in the basement, have another shotgun tripwire.

Hide down there and pick them off on the narrow staircase with an AR15

How autistic is my plan?

>EDD mounted
>let them come

ten minutes?
remove all items from my fridge and hide in there with my Mossberg and hope they go away

>>33717659
kill them first.

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I call them a bunch of newfags

old pic from some "post the most american things you own" or something thread and I can't be bothered to get things out and arrange them for a new one

>get shotgun
>lock bedroom door from outside
>hide in closet in living room
>wait for them to kick in bedroom door
>shoot them
Alternatively
>turn all gas burners on high but don't light them
>they break in after 10 minutes and leave immediately because the place is about to explode

>>33717659
run cut off extension cords over all entry points plugged into wall outlets, hanging with exposed terminals.

pour ghost pepper extract and water into sink, soak towels and nail them to ceiling in 1m intervals throughout living room (1bed rm apartment, with a door for bath, and a door for bedroom so pretty open but a few areas to conceal and several angles to clear.

In those 10 minutes I can almost guarantee a kill on first man through an entry, maybe both if my fuse doesn't blow and his buddy is going to be half blind from pepper fumes. Meanwhile I'm facewrapped and goggled so unless the nigger comes in wearing a gas mask he's going to be blind and choking on hell pepper fumes while I unload a 12 gauge in his general direction.

>>33717659

Is it night or day?

Butter the completely tile downstairs of my house except for 6 feet circle around front & back door.

Leave long YouTube video of a Twitch Stream on quietly in guest bathroom so they're not looking up.

Go into attic and cut a small viewing hole into corner of living room ceiling.

Put thick sheet of steel down and lay on it with only my head sticking out to see through viewing hole
Assuming they made a two man stack, I punch through the ceiling and open fire with AR once they slip on buttery tile.

Crash through ceiling and fall 14 feet, shattering my pelvis.

>>33718930

> Jim and Roger walk into house

>entire contents of a fridge sitting on a dinner table.

"What the fuck"

>>33718930

> they zip tie the fridge closed and tip it forward
> anon dies of hypothermia after a week

>>33718377
The forest is his home.

>leave my bedroom door cracked and camp down the hall behind a closed door with my highest capacity weapon
>lay on back for maximum cover
>leave a can full of coins in front of the bedroom door to be knocked down when they open it slightly
>hear coins rattle
>magdump through door
>roll away to avoid return fire if they haven't dieded
Then the plan goes to shit and it's improv from then on.

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>Cover entire floor in bubble wrap
>set up giant rolls of it as pillars
>strip naked except for aerosol can and lighter
>don a suit of bubble wrap, stand motionless in center of bubble forest
>detonate improvised flashbangs as the enter
>scream I AM BUBBLE MAN, BEGONE FROM MY UNDERWATER DOMAIN, light both of them on fire
>when they try to drop and roll, roll themselves up in bubble wrap
>turn themselves into burning balls of plastic that sound like Rice Krispies
>their screams are muffled by the bubbles as they slowly asphyxiate
>fire extinguisher, then use remaining bubble wrap to roll corpses up
>place in parceled boxes
>ship bodies back to families

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkobbNbBrd0

>>33717659

Takes them 10 mins to kick down a door? That's pretty sad, like c'mon, a edgy teenage can do it in half the time.

>>33718868
nice

>>33722678
yeah. That's what makes this thread stupid.
Surprise and violence of action is the key for door to door raid.
Target inside the house are not suppose to know that the assault team is coming.

Would be more fun, if there is only ten second to react to the door breach.

open my patio door, go to my backyard, hide in the bushes
clear line of sight through the house to the front door
can probably pick off 1 of them with my rifle

then I guess wait for the other guy to come around or whatever, I'm pretty invisible back here

Put on my body Armour. Its a full vest plus dick, bum, neck, and shoulder protectors. Don helmet.

I am become mostly impervious to subguns and handguns.

Hope they don't have rifles.

Shoot them.