How you holding out in the war of Elven aggression /k/?

>>33619923
Race mixing

The church has stated that intercourse with elves is masturbation. The old bestiality rule has been overturned.

grind them down with superior numbers, unless they have high-capacity manslaying weapons

>>33620080
This. They don't have the numbers or will to sustain more than a couple generations.

>>33619923
I'd smash.

>>33619923
Anyone who runs is an Elf. Anyone who stands is a well-disciplined Elf.

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You guys should treat your elf slaves better, maybe show her that you care about her a little every now and them. Remember that not all elves wanted a war with humans.

>>33621992
>treat your elf slaves better
I'm working diligently to strengthen their bloodlines. What more do they want?

I miss when /tg/ was good.

>>33622004
Maybe a set of clothes that aren't rags, an actual bed rather than a pile of straw and for your frigid bitch of a wife to stop treating them like a dog.

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>>33621992
Who the fuck taught their elf slave how to use a computer when the hippies can't even figure out a gun?

>>33622025
You must be mistaking me for some other owner. I keep mine in the house for easy access and comfort. Can't do much about the wife.

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The elf cannot hide if you vaporize their forests.

>>33622268
To do his shitposting while he's asleep

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>>33622268
A person who desperately wants somebody to play with in all the old multiplayer games from their childhood that had their online communities die out.

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Just finished dealing with those sympathizers responsible for the slave market raids last month.

>>33622348
>"Master, please may I stop playing are-tee-esses now? My hands are starting to hurt."
"No, we keep playing until you git gud!"
>"But, master, I'm thirsty."
"Not my fault you're allergic to Mountain Dew."

Poor thing.

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You know, it's a real pain in the ass when a refugee column gets caught.

One day I'm turning a lively profit and overnight the market's fucking saturated with docile little elven bitches who will do *ANYTHING* to avoid conflict or angry humans.

Look at the shit I have to deal with sometimes.

Elf trap here

Holding pretty gud

Ditched the bow for an SKS

Got captured once but all that happened was plenty of free sex

>>33621992
I smashed my dark elf slaves. Was 10/10.

>>33619923
Fuck the beautiful dead men, breed my new elve warbride harem of course.

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Who cares about the Elves? They're just a bunch of fragile arrogant tree loving hippies incapable of technological advancements.
It's the monstergirls you have to worry about.

>>33622534
Elves are for slaughtering.

Monstergirls are for cuddling.

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>>33622569
No. Dark elves are for breeding and turning into mothers.

I'll be honest, I don't see what this has to do with weapons, but oh well.

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>>33619923
>Be me
>Patrolling some "sacred" elf swamp with squad
>Shits fucking miserable, spent the past four hours alternating between wadding through knee high water to chest high water
>Arms feel like fucking jelly constantly holding the M60 above my head for so long
>Pretty much everyone in the squad in a similar state
>Suddenly we get into this really dark patch, absolutely massive trees blocking out the entire sun
>Everyone goes on edge, listening for the slightest rustle in the leaves
>Suddenly something starts to catch my ears
>An all to familiar creaking
>Panic, scream "hippies in the trees!" and start spraying into the sky
>Everyone else follows suit, hundreds of 5.56 rounds start zipping straight up
>Eventually my M60 finally runs dry
>Quickly open her up and try to get another belt in her
>Get belt in, slam her shut
>Suddenly notice no one else is doing anything but staring at me with shit eating grins and giggles
>Some are pointing at my feet
>Notice I'm standing on a giant root, shift my weight a bit to check something
>Sure enough, hear the same distinct creek when I do
>Return to the camp
>Whole squad is spreading the entire story, only adding a few extra bits about how I literally shit my pants
>Never live it down, everyone starts making creeking noises around me on patrols

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Guys, help. What's the official advice for what to do when you assault an elven position, knock one of them unconscious and take her prisoner, but when she regains consciousness she's really clingy, keeps calling you her "beloved" and insists that you're now betrothed to her? Please respond, she keeps rubbing herself on me and my squad are teasing me about it.

This isn't what I signed up for.

>>33622733
Agreed 100%

>>33622733
Damn, girl, look at them titties.

>>33622872
Walk her out into the forest with a .45 and leave her face down in a clearing, make sure you walk her out very very far and completely alone so you don't bother any of your buddies with the gunshot.

I'd also recommend not taking your rifle as it's pretty heavy and could tire you out.

>>33622894
That's Sansei Muramasa. I've been informed that she's not technically an elf, but if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it's a duck as far as I'm concerned.

>>33622944
Shit, I didn't actually mean to post that picture.

What's the stance on invasive medical experimentation using live elves?

Asking for a friend.

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>>33622473

>>33619923
I never thought i'd see an elf slave wat do thread on /k/

but i'm glad i did

>>33622872
Just chain her to a bunk and charge everyone for a go at her.

>>33622990
Depends on if you can put them back together again afterwards.

What's the general consensus on getting a dark elf and ordinarily elf and throwing them into an arena together to fight for your amusement, sort of like cockfighting?I know both races hate one another, but I'm worried they may set aside their differences and work together to escape.

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Got a slap on the wrist the other day for opening fire on a bunch of knife ear civies after someone shot an arrow and hit carl in the knee. Such is life as a Clearwater pmc.

Threads like this make me sad because this is a blue board and I'm not allowed to share my multiple gigs worth of elf porn with you guys.

Any game where I can play as elves and slay humans? Besides total war?

>>33623232
start a thread on /aco/? there never enough /tg/ kinda shit there

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>>33619923
>Elven aggression
Right, you round eared prickle faced faggots come into our sacred groves and start chopping everything down so you can make chairs to support your fat fuck population, leaving your greasy factory made food wrappers and chemical waste everywhere, then shoot and piss on the remaining trees for fun without even bothering to pick up your fucking casing, and somehow we're the bad guys for telling you to fuck off.

Get fucked you weak eared, short lived, grease shitting city niggers.

>>33623310
kek

Tree niggers playing tough always gets me

>>33623310
OH SHIT WE'VE GOT A LIVE ONE!
>Be me
>Skinny elf cuck
>Shoot bows because guns hurt my faggot knife ears
>Bitch about humans industrialization
>fap to the sound of elf grills getting culturally enriched by superior human cock
>whine about my "culture" being destroyed
>Post on central asian glassblowing BBS about it because I'm a tough guy on the internet

>>33622872
Depends, if she's a dark elf I'd say enjoy it. Otherwise yeah take her out back and put her down old yeller style

>>33623232
You.
Do this >>33623287 and link the thread here

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>>33622894
Don't embarrass the poor girl.

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Alright motherfuckers, test time. Pretty simple Shoot/Don't Shoot drill, I think even you mouthbreathers can figure this out.

Target 1.
Is it a valid target?

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>>33623310

>>33623479
>Not dark elf, possible hippy.
Exterminatus Extremeis or however the latin bullshit goes

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>>33623479
If her hair ain't white, shoot on sight. If her eyes are gold, let love unfold.

Only spare the darkies.

The ARX-76 plasma rifles are useless in jungles since the electronics crap out in high humidity. The motion radars are also similarly fucked due to the abundance of wildlife in some areas.

I am glad that old fashioned bullet weapons are making a comeback. I can leave my carbine sitting in a tree for a week and it would still function just as well as when I left it there.

Don't have to worry about the knife-ears stealing it either since they view modern machined metal as an affront to nature or some bullshit like that

>>33623479
Ears are hidden, she may not be an elf. Can't verify target, don't shoot.

>>33623620
Notice the light armor, the bow, and the hippy-ass one-with-nature posing. That's a goddamn Keebler for sure.

>>33622016
It still is
It just needs time to recover
Which it is

>>33623656
Also notice the armor and sword aren't decked out in ornamental symbology shit

Probably a huntswoman or something

>>33622733
Top quality taste

>>33622872

She's trying to catch you off guard, and attempt an escape. You really think she's fallen in love with some human? Nah mate.

If your Captain (or you) is some fucking hippie sympathizer, slap on the wrist and don't feed her for day or two so she gets the message

If you want to send a message to everyone else, .45 to the back of the skull should do it nicely. Plus, it's one less mouth for the taxpayers to feed

>>33623656
That shield doesn't look elven, she could just be some adventure that trades with elves and likes their style of dress. She should be apprehended for questioning.

>>33623656
>Goddamn Keebler
I lost so hard at this, god damnit.

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>>33623725
Her sister's not bad either.

>>33623568
>Suffering any elf to live
Gotta kill ALL the knife ears muh boi, you see pointy ears, you great them with your M16

>>33623730
That didn't help at all! I slapped her across the face and told her to stop behaving like a bitch in heat, but all she did was shiver then smile at me and ask me to do it again. Now she keeps begging me to put a half-elf baby in her and run away from the war with her so we can start a family together.

Either that rifle butt to the head has really messed her up, or else this is some advanced psy-op tactic to erode our morale. For some reason, still don't want to shoot her.

>>33623656
>goddamned Keebler
Oh my fuck I'm dying

>>33623310
You're the reason I breed your women when i get R&R. You guys need a serious genetics boost.

>>33623856
Definitely psy-ops
Don't fall for it /k/omrade! Put her in the hole for a week and see if that changes her mind.

>>33623656
10/10

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>>33623310
Ohhh fuck right off
You tree faggots are the ones who decided to deep fuck a hole through two dimensions and pop up here are started pegging people with arrows
You just didn't expect us to not be a bunch of push overs like the humans where you fuck trucks are from
Your women aren't even good for a fuck

On that note, Uncle Sam reminds you that any species mixers found will be either shot on sight or beaten to death with the full might of the fucking law you dirty sacks of shit. Remember in the first days of the attack we lost 50 million people in the United States alone,
elfs are to be killed with extreme prejudice whenever seen, civilians, soldiers what the fuck ever, grease em when you see 'em

>>33623776
Breed all the dark elves

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What the fuck is up with the Dwarves mang? I swear to god these fuckers are gonna get us all killed
>Be innaforest
>About to conduct a raid on a Keebler village
>Bush way to thick to get the vehicles in, but our squads handled worse
>At least, it used to before command wanted to start letting Dwarves into the military
>Low and behold we got one of the stout fucks in our squad now
>Oh well, one shouldn't be an issue
>Flair goes up, it's show time
>All of us charge into the village, few arrows go around us but the keeblers sensitive eyes are getting fucked by all the flairs
>We're making short work of the elves, duck into cover, few bursts, advance
>In almost no time with no casualties on our side we advanced to their elder tree
>Their chief or whatever is standing there with his hands up, most the women and children cowering behind him
>We're about to start taking the chief and elders prisoner until we hear something
>"Eat shite ye foockin' knife eared niggers!"
>Dwarf charges towards the elder tree with a fucking flame thrower
>Before we can do anything he begins spraying the entire tree and all the villages
>Everyone knows this whole place is gonna turn into hell real fast, everyone begins to retreat
>Entire forest is on fire in a matter of minutes, most our guys managed to get to the lake in time but a few guys got caught in the blaze
>Dwarf of course is still alive, drinking some booze he stole and going on about how great "we" were back there
>Entire squad now under warcrime investigation because of this pube faced midget

>>33623856
Now she's offering to show me some secret elf hand to hand combat techniques. Apparently it involves lots of groundwork, grappling and leg locking. She says I'd enjoy it, and I suppose it couldn't hurt to practice.

Will report back soon.

Guys, I need your help. My youngest Elf's been acting very strangely lately and it isn't like her at all. A little background on her. Her name's Moon, she's a Dark Elf, and I bought her from a local breeder of very high regard and impeccable reputation when she was five years old. Her mother was a feral, captured from the wild when she was quite young and who, in her younger years, won best in show no less than six times at the Blackbridge Livestock and Produce Fair. Her father was a breeding stud of excellent quality with marvellous genetics and an even temperament that could trace his pedigree lineage back for over a dozen generations. Though her mother was born wild, Moon herself was born in captivity and has been around Humans and other domesticated Elves her whole life. Up until now she's always been a good girl, very well behaved and good around children. Loud noises don't spook her and she socialises well. Or at least she used to.

Recently, she's taken to playing with her ears in public, peeing in the house and yowling like a cat in heat in her indecipherable Elder Speak about her "N'Shai" or whatever it is she's saying. What does that even mean? When I first bought her I was delighted with how well she got on with my children, and even my icy bitch of a wife grew attached to her. Moon has always been great with kids, always playing gently and never scratching or biting, even when my youngest daughter pulled her hair. She was especially fond of my eldest son, and the two used to be inseparable playmates. Yes, I know it's generally not the done thing to let your Elves mix with Humans in quite so easygoing and informal a manner at such a young age, but Moon always showed submissiveness and respect, so I never thought any harm of it.

>>33624071
When she was still young, I sent her to work in the kitchens to assist the cooks and learn to serve, then when she got a little older, I used her as a bedwarmer and companion during the cold winter nights. She was so cute, the way she'd sleep in her little basket at the foot of our bed and greet me with an excitable lick on the face when I returned home, before climbing up onto the master bed and awaiting me to join her. She was an energetic little scamp too and used to love going for walks all over the estate. She'd stare out of the windows for hours on end and then come running, holding her leash and own personal collar that I bought for her when she was younger for good behaviour. It's an ordinary enough thing, but she seems fond of it with its little ribbons and jingly bells.

I really can't make sense of her recent doings. She's taken to running up and down the long gallery like a thing possessed, before pointing to the portrait of my eldest son and whining, "N'Shai, uth'we mai N'Shai?" I'm assuming she means it as a question, judging by the tone of her voice, and I've tried explaining that my son's been sent to serve in the court of our liege now that he's of age. Frustrated, she then often darts off to hide in the kitchens or else urinate on the rose bushes. Any of you that have smelled She-Elf piss will know that it takes weeks for the scent to fade and should understand how frustrating it is.

>>33624083
Now I know what you're thinking. You're wondering why I don't simply ask her what's wrong. The more insightful readers among you may have garnered by now that Moon doesn't speak more than a smattering of the civilized tongue, preferring instead to vocalise in that vulgar native babble that her mother must have taught her. She's neither touched in the head nor one of simple mind. Certainly at least no more than is to be expected with her kind, but she's always been slow to learn our more enlightened language and methods of elocution.

In addition to moon, I own a few dozen other elves. Most are gelded males who help work the estate's farmland, yet a handful of young females serve as scullery and laundry maids, while several others perform the duties of parlour, nursery and chamber maids. A particularly well endowed and trustworthy She-Elf serves as wet nurse to my infant son. For as long as I can remember, the strict Mrs. Branwen has served my family as housekeeper. She's a Dark Elf of some three-hundred years of age and experience. She's a terror to cross and I was frightfully scared of her when I was a lad. She's in charge of all the female staff in my employ and will not tolerate disobedience from those beneath her. Despite her experience, even she can't decipher what Moon is saying. Apparently she's speaking in some uncommon dialect that Mrs. Branwen is unfamiliar with.

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Wherever I go I must also rape.

>>33624093
Please, if you know what the problem is then help me. My wife says I should just beat Moon into being better behaved and my housekeeper says I should consider having her spayed. I'd rather not do either as I've grown fond of her and was thinking about breeding her when she was mature with a particularly fine stud that I've had my eye on for some time.


TL;DR Will pay good coin to any who can offer advice regarding a misbehaving Elf. (No Halflings or Slavs)

>>33624007
godspeed anon, learn how those faggoty knife ears fight so we can use it against them

>>33624001
Same happened to me
Got a medal actually

>>33624007
It's called sex you fucking mong

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Remove Keebler.

Also, man seed is for mankind only.

>>33622348
Fukken seriously though. Nobody wants to play Command and Conquer anymore.

>>33624001
>Warcrime investigation
>against elf
What country are you from? Sweden? Germany?

>>33624104
High pressure water hose

>also takes care of any messes

>>33624104
Googling "N'Shai, uth'we mai N'Shai" brings up something about antibiotic peptides for HIV-1

Might want to get that checked

>>33624230
It wasn't the elves that was the problem, it was the "deforestation"

>>33624007
I have discovered that elf had to hand combat is very different from our own. It contains very little striking and focuses more on pinning your opponent to any available surface until they submit. I was worried at one point during our mock sparring, as the elf managed to get on top of me and pin me on my back. I guess she was going easy on me though, because instead of attempting to dislocate my arms or choke me or something, she instead simply began bouncing lightly up and down on my pelvis and occasionally rocking her hips in a circular motion.

Needless to say, this made gaining leverage over her easy and I wax quickly able to flip her onto her back and pin her arms by to the ground with myself between her thighs. I told her that she should submit seeing as I'd clearly won, but she just smirked and wrapped her legs around my waist. She then told me that it was in fact she who had won, as she had me right where she wanted me.

I am confused.

>>33624295
Have you tried adding restraints to the mix? That might give you an advantage

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>>33622753

>>33624295
You need to do it naked

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>All these dumbass keeping elves as pets
Enjoy getting your houses burnt down in the middle of the night.
.45 acp is the only proper response to an elf

>>33624357
This

>>33624357
> pets
Hey man, I like having aesthetic slaves working under me.
You should see the tits on some of the bedroom slaves

This raises an interesting question. Are elves at all useful as plantation slaves? I've got some land in South Carolina and was looking to set up shop, and I figured I might as well become a Southern planter.

>>33624390
Man, I was there at the battle of Bluemoon Mire, after you've lost all the hair on your body to fire spells the only time you care about keebler tits is when your M16's sights line up with them.

>>33624436
No, their frail physiques leave them I'll suited for hard manual labor

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You can trust us Dark Elves, humans, we're your friends. We wish to see our high and mighty "brethren" suffer for what they did to us just as you do.

We are your allies.

>>33624436
Yea, but castrate the males to be safe.

>>33624490
Friendly reminder that elves are worse than niggers, and dark elves are the niggers of elves.

Every time you see one and allow it to live, you lose a small battle.

>>33624507
Good point, I didn't think of that. I reckon I'll figure out which one is dumbest or weakest and execute them right off the bat just to make it clear that discipline will be enforced. Any suggestions as to affordable but sustaining diet and discipline?

>ITT fools

You're dealing with a race that outlives you and have a natural talent for magic ie the shit that fucks with normal laws of the universe. Even the most lowest of elf can call on an army of creatures from the forest if they feel threaten. Most likely any elf slave you have is there because she wants to be and mating with the things? What are you mad?

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>>33624531

Why are we not supposed to fuck them again?

>>33624531
This
This wars not over till the last enemy is destroyed

>>33624543
>You're dealing with a race that outlives you

Not anymore they don't.

>>33624563
fucking them is fine, just be sure to penetrate their skull with FMJ after.

>>33624543
This again
The freaks enjoy being a slave
No seriously, its like some reverse cave man dating or something

>>33624543
knoife ear pls

>>33624563
No
Does fuck the elf
It's what they want

>>33624616
Don't you dare call me that, I'm a halfling and proud

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>>33624543
If they're so powerful how come we can BTFO entire towns by dropping napalm on them?

>>33624630
Whuts that? A scrawny dwarf?

>>33624542
Can't go wrong with gruel, bread, potatoes etc. give each family a small plot of land with which to grow their own food and reward hard work with extra rations. When an elf breaks a rule, cut rations for the whole family to discourage further disobedience.

Should you find yourself the owner of a pregnant she-elf, and you're sure the father isn't a human, keep her well fed and cared for as the child will be worth more than one born feral.

>>33624649
The race that gangbanged your mother

>>33624630
>halfling
Get over here so we can publicly castrate you.

Hybrids do not breed.

>>33624660
If that's supposed to be an insult, I've heard better from half elf children you mutant midget

>>33624662
Don't let the name confuse your simple human mind, we're pure and racemixing is a halfling crime.

>>33624673
Not an insult, just stating faces

>>33624702
Yes most people have faces

>>33623310
r/elfmasculinity

>>33624713
facts*, these human keyboards are shitty. I should have gotten one from the dwarves

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>Constantly go on about being an ancient hyper intelligent race that are so much better than humans
>Can't even figure out how to make a fucking gun
>Damage control with "b-but muh magic is so much more powerful than your simple minded weapons" yet get absolutely stomped in almost every fight where they don't severely outnumber the human force
Even fucking Dwarves managed to make their own guns.

>>33624295
Rape her to how who's the boss.

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>>33624768

>>33624768
Dwarves are based
>Industrial and economic minded
>Generally isolationist policy but willing to trade
>pragmatic and aesthetic architecture
>can hold their liquor
>hates knife-ears

>>33622753
>Be patroling mountain where drow raids coming from.
>Wait till night.
>Set up ambush.
>Drow raiders coming down the pass.
>About 15 or so male Drow, led by 3 Drowess.
>We light them up.
>They have no idea what the fuck is going on.
>No spacing, just stand there stunned.
>10 seconds later it's over.
>Go down, be doing dead checks.
>Jab muzzle into Drow.
>Nope, nope, next hear a grunt.
>Drowess is still alive, just a grazed head.
>Call out, others show up. Zip tie her.
>Search her for weapons, heh that's easy.
>She wakes up, starts getting loopy.
>Smack her across the face.
>She shuts the fuck up.
Pro tip for dealing with Drowess, smack the bitch she'll become your sex slave. Drowess's are Matriarchial society, so they love being dom'ed and cuckqueaned.

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>The amount of CTF shills ITT
I hope they are giving you knife-eared loving faggots 2 silver pieces per post

>>33624847
That's what she wants to happen.

>>33624946
Holy fuck this

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>>33624878
>Dwarves are based
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjHclWPVij0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qC-ZanQjHXM

Dwarves a best

>>33624878
>Loyal to their friends.
>Would die by your side rather than leave a bro alone no matter the odds.
>Offer a wide range of beard care products.

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Using elves to hunt elves: yay or nay?

>>33625016
Nay, conflict of interest

We can certainly get information from them, but we gotta be the ones pulling the trigger

>>33625035
This

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>>33624001
Reminds me of my dwarf squaddie
>Operating in elflands
>Major firefight
>Think the area is clear enough
>set up base
>Dwarf is acting fine
>Get to know him
>Elves killed some family member of his
>Someone was setting up uv lights to illuminate forest in case of attack
>Medic notices dwarf was wounded
He applies bandages and a large amount of painkiller, keep in mind this was before multi species testing took place
> Sergent notices foxhole in the ground, UV lights turn on.
> turns out the painkiller induces vivid memories of the past in dwarfs
>UV lights only amplify them
>He freaks out
>Shouts about long held grudges
>Picks up trench tool and axe
>Rushes into foxhole
>We loose him

3 days later

> we find him in another part of the woods
> No idea what happened to the body armor or webbing
> He has a necklace of elf ears
> No signs of living elves in the area
>Knew him best, so I have to calm him down
>Pic somewhat related

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The only good elf is a Finnish elf who appreciates Spurdo memes.

>>33625016
Possibly. The only thing dark elves hate more than humans are other non-dark elves. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

>>33624946
>2 silver pieces
I didn't even get two shinies per week deployed in elf territory. Still, you wouldn't believe the money you can make by selling shit booze to thirsty dwarves.

70-30 mixture of gasoline and raisins and they chugged it like it was a fine scotch.

>>33624921
Can confirm, Drow mating logic is all about domination and displays of strength.

>get captured, dragged off to large war camp
>escape because they can't tell I'm faking sleep due to not understanding human biology that well
>get my gear back, proceed to wreck shit across their encampment
>get into armory where they keep magical artifacts
>somehow release a minor demon that proceeds to wreck other half of camp and allow escape.
>weeks later I find out their general posted a bounty on my head alive cause she wants me as her mate
>tfw a she-drow has the hots for you cause you destroyed most of her encampment

>>33625098
Wrong, the enemy of your enemy is your ally

>>33625122
More like
>get captured, dragged off to large war camp
>get beaten and assraped by male drow slaves
>escape because they can't tell I'm faking sleep due to not understanding human biology that well
>make it 20 feet before I'm poisoned by a drider I didn't see hanging in the utter darkness of their underground dwellings that was hanging from the ceiling
>pass out
>get eaten alive

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Elf is 4 cuddle

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>>33625016

Elves look down on humans as dirty monkeys, but they HATE each other. Elves hold grudges longer than crazy, trailer trash chicks with daddy issues.

>>33625098
Wrong fucker
The enemy of my enemy is still my fucking enemy

The mods on this board seem more lenient than I remember. This is a fun thread.

>Be me
>Be elf twink
>Like wearing girls clothes

>Elves make fun of me even though I'm more operator than some of them

>Humans either want to kill me on sight or keep me as a rapeslave

;_;

>>33625257
Wrong. My enemy fucks my fucking enemy's enemy fucking enemies.

>>33625260
I know right? It's almost like pre 2012 levels of fun.
I hope this is a sign of positive change

>>33625273
Who said you could talk? Either get back to the kitchen ore else bend that pretty, perfumed ass of yours over my desk and prepare for an incursion into enemy lines.

I just got a sweet little wood elf a few months ago, I found it surprising that she felt at home the moment she got here. Always happy to see me; eager to please, and eager to learn. Always excelling at her daily household duties. Charmingly submissive, tries her best to obey my wishes and commands; and sincerely apologetic whenever she fails, never making the same mistake twice. She's perfect in bed, tight, active, and bratty. Sensually grinding her hips back at me; and the bed and air always smells deliciously like vanilla, orchids, and chocolate afterwards as she lies asleep cuddled atop my chest, while I caress her soft flawless skin.

Convince me why I shouldn't wife her. She's like a perfect maid, girlfriend, daughter, and pet all in one.

Also, why are elves like this?

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>>33625273
>crossdressing elf twink
I know just what to do with you...

>>33619923
They keep sending patrols by my family's farm.
Take two of them out from a concealed position and the rest will always either run or surrender.
I've got three each flavor now.

>>33625390
>Convince me why I shouldn't wife her.
Your family and friends will think you're a fucking weirdo.

>>33625401
Link's a hylian, which is literally a human with pointy ears. No elf blood at all.

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>>33625426
>Your family and friends will think you're a fucking weirdo.
That has never deterred me before.

>>33625390
Half-elves, though long lived and immune to most human and elf diseases, suffer from a heightened risk of cancer and, like mules, are infertile. Have fun letting your bloodline die out.

>>33625440
autism doesn't change what I'm going to do the the elf twink.

>>33625426
Aww, she even took the time to read my mom's old dusty cookbooks stored in the attic. Now my house smells like delicious childhood memories whenever I get back from work. I don't know how she did it, her cooking now tastes just like my mom's.

I think I'm in love.

>>33625390

Your social life? Your career?

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>>33625390
They're like that because they've been hunted to near extinction in the wild and now live as second class citizens in the inner cities for the most part. It makes sense that she'd be loyal and submissive to you if you showed her genuine kindness and affection when previously she's probably been treated like crap, little better than a stray dog.

>>33625488
I could always get a high-quality human egg and use her as a surrogate via in-vitro fertilization.

How would a pure-blooded human fetus fare in a wood elf uterus? Their gestation periods are significantly longer, but we're biologically similar internally.

>>33625542
She's problem fucking Chad on the side.

>>33624847
I'd do it.

>>33625595
I meant "probably"

I hate you, autocorrect.

>>33625620
Well she might have a problem fucking Chad on the side.

>>33625591

Research shows promising results, though you need to keep giving her anti immune reaction meds, and those are expensive and not covered by insurance.

>>33625553
As far as they're concerned, she's just my elven pet slave.

It's just I'm no longer interested in human female for companionship anymore.

>>33625591
>Their gestation periods are significantly longer, but we're biologically similar internally.
Go read up on some biology, kiddo. You're not getting an improved human that way.

>>33625641

Ah I thought you were going to marry her publicly. Thats illegal, by the way.

>>33625098
>The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
The enemy of your enemy is probably a much larger and scarier enemy.

>>33625382
>>33625401

D-do I at least get to have a pretty collar?

>>33625595
No, she never leaves the house, I secretly put a tracking chip in a necklace I gave her.

I love going out shopping for her, I never feel bored looking for things that will make her look pretty.

Compare that to my previous human girlfriend, shopping with her was a pain in the ass.

>>33625643
I guess the baby will come out in the normal 8 months then. I hope her elven uterus can withstand the unnatural stresses of bearing a fast-growing human baby.

Besides Drwarf's Drow are 10/10 allies.
>Males come from feminist wet dream society. They HATE feminist bitches and WILL attack them.
>Males are bisexual.
>Drow hate Elves, particularly "High" Elves.
>Drow HATE niggers, despising them for their skin color.
>Drow LOVE guns, thinking them the best things ever.
>Drowess are 15/10 the sack, be dominant, and she'll do ANYTHING.
>She'll pump out your babies, and If you think Asians have high expectations, wait till you see a Drowess mom.
>ALL of your kids will be either Olympic athletes, Nobel prize winning scientists, or high score setting school shooters.

>>33625707
That would depended on if you find a leather chocker with a silver nameplate engraved with the word "fuckboi" on it pretty or not.

>>33625736
Probably like passing Mexican food.

I'm just going to post this here

>Be me
>On patrol
>Alone
>Not technically but other squadmates are spread out over a small area
>Anyway
>Patrolling woods
>Feels kinda like nam
>Inb4 Charlie in the trees
>Hear noise
>ohfuckherewego.jpg
>Is elf but with dark skin
>FuckwhatdoIdo
>Tackle her and stab her in the knees
>Itstimeforatedtalk.jpg
>Go for about half an hour
>Use basic first aid experience and treat wounds
>Take back to base.
>Kind of want to see what happens when she's left alone in the middle of the base but also don't.
>Fuck it I'll keep it myself
>Keep as slave taking it home.
>Dispite the fact she's been stabbed, had a tedtalk(yes ted cruz joke) and is being kept as a slave she's submissive af.
>It feels kind of wrong. But it also feels very right.
>How the fuck does that bullshit work.
>End

>>33625708

Wait, wait. Did you not get her chipped subdermally? Thats a misdemeanor, and a felony if she does something bad.

>>33625749
>She'll pump out your babies, and If you think Asians have high expectations, wait till you see a Drowess mom.
>ALL of your kids will be either Olympic athletes, Nobel prize winning scientists, or high score setting school shooters.

>"Why not all three? I didn't give birth to a failure."
"Don't you think you're being a bit hard on the lad?"
>"No, if he cannot excel in all he does then he should perish so that we can try again."
"Sweetie, he's only ten."

>>33625799
She wears the necklace all time for me, it's as good as chipping her subdermally.

But I'm going to chip her subdermally tomorrow anyway, don't know how I'll explain it to her though.

>>33625766
C-section is always an option.

I'm just worried that a fast-growing human fetus might injure her uterus.

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I was recently captured and they made me betray my race...She's going to have my child and im going to be a cucked manservant. Should I an hero?

>>33625987
Any time that you feel the need to ask if you should an hero, the answer is always yes.

>>33625987

No man left behind, son. Wait for extraction and/or napalm bombing.

>>33625987
Don't be a nigger. If the child is yours then you should help raise it. Do it right and it could grow up to be the greatest war chief in history.

>>33625987
How was the elf pussy? Did she fuck you real good? Tell us every single moist detail.

>>33619923
Id mix her guts with my nut using my dick as a stir stick if you catch my drift.

>>33622367
>Napoleonic era cavalrymen executing Napoleonic era "female cavalryman"
>elves

>>33626110
I don't understand. Please could you explain further?

>>33623310
>without even bothering to pick up your fucking casing
Elves confirmed for being brass Jews.

>>33626072

orc, actually. it was amazing. tighter than you could believe and her skin was soft as can be. I'd have enjoyed it more if I hadn't have had a liter of mead in me. They thought it would be a funny joke for the "new guy" to have a drinking contest with a warchief.


After I was drunk off my ass she took me to some dingy room where we had a "mating ritual" I was too drunk to really do anything so she just kind of rode on top of me till I came inside her. She kept banging on about how I was "her cute little Hew-man now"


should have joined engy regiment.

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>>33626187
Well ya see son when a daddy and a mommy love each other very much and they want to make a baby without having a baby daddy goes down to the fun-time dungon and visits Krista the half wood elf cleaning woman that daddy brough back as a spoil of war. Wood elves know their way around wood son and so does mommy but she's getting fat and had a headache.

Just got enlisted with a squad today, went out and got my 11.5" M4A1 and got a sweet new set of equipment from the armorer. Seems like the military experience I got before the war broke out is something some aged squads want, considering this is like the newest gold rush.

I kind of want an elf fucktoy and/or slave, what's the best race and age? Seen some in the street, make my dick diamonds every time.

Pay isn't that bad too. Maybe an inter-species war is a good thing.

Also, how do I make more money off this once I get said submissive elf girl?

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>>33622348

>almost 3 years since BF2 and BF2142 servers were cut by EA

I'm still upset

>>33626359
To answer your question, dark elf and any age to where they actually have developed tits is great.

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>>33624104
Try taking her to a village elder. Ive heard they go through some sort of puberty or menopause stage depending on the age. Or take her to one of the PMCs. They offer training services for elves, usually for translator but they may work something out. I know Clearwater does it, so does Blackbear but theyre a slav company. Theres a new human-dwarf company called Stonehenge. They might help too. Best of luck buddy

>>33626509
BF2142 is still played

Source: play it daily since a couple months ago.

>>33625016
Well, If converting enemy combatants worked pretty well in the Rhodesian bush war and the South African border war, I can't imagine it wouldn't work here with enemy elf qt 3.14's

What does your elf smell like /k/?

Mine smells like vanilla, what kind of perfume should I give her to make her more fun to fuck?

>>33626509
>>33626832
I was pissed they made BF1 instead of BF2145.
>Titan mode.
>Mecha that were cool instead of weeb.
>Actuall justification for black Germans.
>PAC did nothing wrong.

>>33627313
Mine smells like gunpowder

It's goddamn sexy

>>33627418
How'd you manage that?
I thought they can't use guns

>>33627460

Anyone with 3 fingers can use a gun mate. Just get them gloves for the cold iron.

>>33627460
they may be shit with guns, but they can reload pretty well.

>>33627460
Well, I make a lot of black powder for shooting, and one day she fell in a barrel of it.

There was a flash of that FUCKING magic and she started smoking. A good chunk of the barrel was gone. She's smelled like the business end of my cannon ever since

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>>33627473
>mfw polymer framed guns are a conspiracy by supernatural creatures to produce guns that are easier for them to use

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>>33619923
Pretty well, captured one last week that manage to operate some sort of Kalashnikov rifle. She hasn't stopped saying "Päästä minut sinä kusipää, minä vittu tapan sinut" and has been saying something about "funco", whatever the fuck that is. I'll probably plow after intel learns about where she got the Kalashnikov. She's also been acting like she's in heat ever since the firefight.

Pic related, her.

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Hey guys, fresh from basic and on my first deployment...mind telling me about the elves? I can't wrap my head around the whole thing.

Also, anywhere to hide my liquor? Dwarfs keep on taking mine.

>>33627474
Huh. I'd almost considering using that as a business gimmick if I had more trust that they wouldn't slip explosives into the cartridge too.

Maybe if I ever get the opportunity I'll get a qt elf slave to reload my brass for me.

PMC guy here, was out on patrol with my buddies on some old ruins to smoke out any pointy-faced guerillas and, long story short, I'm stuck with a bunch of weird looking elf kids(?) that don't really do anything but want to fuck

I mean, they're kind of red and they got weird pointy bits like horns and their ears are shorter than regular knife ears

there's also one with dark skin and her horns are more pronounced but she's got even shorter ears

what the fuck are they? some sort of secret elf?

>>33627602
They are quick and nimble, but dislike and are very sensitive to loud noises. My unit was issued 40mm Flashbangs to stun the bastards so we can drag them in for questioning. Problem is they hear you the shot, and then use their stupid agility to scramble, and just kinda stumble away at a disturbing speed with hearing damage, without taking the blinding light.

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>>33627568
>I'll probably plow
That won't be your choice anon.

>>33627602
You fucked up by joining the regfor and not being PMC/Ranger and getting more out of the conflict rather than just pay, a medal and a ribbon.

As for the elves, nimble and fucking annoying guerilla fighters. Good news is they don't work well with guns, so expect bows n shit. Kind of like the Vietcong but they operate in trees n shit instead of tunnels.

Just stick with your squaddies and don't commit any war crimes. Once you get out, if the elves are still fighting us, you can probably hit up a PMC or make your own group and do whatever the fuck you want. Just don't get caught.

Especially if you're jewing the elves in trade

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>>33627632
That explains this fucking hand cannon then, double flare gun, inspired by some vietnam type shit. Do elves set up traps for patrols?
>>33627698
I join to help with college back at home, I don't have a hatred towards eleven. Tho, will that change over time?

>>33627744
Joined for college? I guess that counts.
As for hating elves, that comes down to what you'll experience during your service. The question becomes whether or not you're a hippy sympathizer.

If elves fuck enough of your guys up (or fuck them) you'll probably start to hate them. For me, I'm in it because there are shekels to be made and honor to be had, and some qt elf slaves to boot, eventually. Might get some other cool shit out of it, I don't know. Working as a mechanic while all this was going down didn't help any desire to stay grounded in normal life, and seeing more elves in society made me think that a minor pay cut would be worth it in exchange for the opportunities.

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>>33626509

Wait, it's been 3 years?

I could swear they only shut them off a year ago

fuck

>>33627744
Some set up traps, some just ambush and run, some try using both. The important part is to keep your head on a swivel and see where the arrow came from.

>>33627628
???????
Take it up with the faggots up at command, like those fucktrucks who play 40k, have promises of Mountain Dew and those nacho chip things, ever since kommando and Zerg enterprises jump through the portal and shipped up country snack foods and energy drinks have become more valuable than gold, good for a trade for information, and if anybody's got info on the various perverts and magical freaks out here, it would be those guys.
Also pro tip: this ain't a sex vacation, keep your dick in your pants. People have been going missing when ever they catch the eye of one of these things, only to reappear as snipers after going native. The bows are a pain in the ass enough, don't need to be fighting traitors with semi auto rifles.

My elf won't stop masturbating.

Recommend me a good cock-ring so I can give her a brutal endless 30 minutes of pussyfucking so she can stop.

>>33627836
Got it, Sargent. Guess I'll just have to survive the Forrest then.
>>33627934
Any words about P.O.W's in elves possession? What's it like to be captured?

>>33628022
Machines do it better. As much fun as that 30 minutes would be for you, you can just put her on a sybian or fuckmachine and go out for a few (or 8) hours. Should have a more substantial impact.

>>33628027
I hear the men just cut your cock off, then make you watch as they fuck one of their women. I've met one guy who was captured and came back alive, and he refused to talk about what happened to him or anyone else. Meanest 1,000 yard stare I ever saw.

>>33628066
Poor fuckers, how the hell do ya get captured by an enemy that won't even face ya? Shooting every elf that gets near me in the Forest.

why are elf boys so much better than elf girls

maybe it's just me but making an elf boy your slave is just so much more satisfying

>>33628017
I dunno, our squad's doc keeps telling me they're succubusses or some shit

they ain't even all girls is the weird thing

they just keep following me around wherever I go and I can't go innawoods and remove legolas and co because these weird satan elves keep trying to get me to fuck them

everyone gave me shit for fucking an elf kid or two but now everyone's giving me even more shit for having some devil harem following me around

>>33628066
That whole cutting your cock of thing is bs circulation by the brass to whip up hate and fear

No, what the elves do, at least the brand we are fighting, do some serious brain washing, makes you go native, at first we thought that it was just people(shit happens to both men and women) got some good pussy or dick and jumped sides, it's not like the k&z recruits professional soldiers, we just pick up people who wanna play army but couldn't cut it or who need extra cash and throwem in the meat grinder with sovit conscription level training, surprisingly it's working, but different story for different day,
Where was I?
Oh yea, going native
Anyway after having to deal with what we thought was elfs with guns, which would change the game not in our favor, we collected a few of the bodies, and to our supreme surprise, we knew the fuckers, the had their pictures plastered all over their m.i.a wall. I had to do some serious, serious goddamned paperwork and cover up to save our skins from Uncle Sam
Part of the cover up was faking theses guys and galls deaths as a ammo dump explosion, so I let the morge monkeys do their thing and headed to bed.
Next morning around 2 am I woke up to a pounding on my door, it was one of the morticians, was talking about how these fellas brains had something growing in em, changing them, making them not quite human, not quite elfin, just not quite right.
Before I could get down to see this shit for my self, these two government issued dickoffs walked into my office and handed me a file with the story about genitalia chopping, and walked out. Few minutes later whole fucking compound go's on red alert, knife ear raid, but in all the fighting, the fucking morge disappeared in a fucking bomb blast, so most of the evidence was lost.
that's just the tip of the shit that's been going on innna country. I got some more if ya wanna here em

>>33628215
>fucking an elf kid
You fucked up m8
Hope you like a shit rep with the merchants and co.
Despite how everyone hates elves, you can't be a kid diddler regardless of species
>>33628195
>elf boys
the moans from girls are beyond holy
you just gotta be dominant with them and they'll clean your dick 25/8

>>33628215
You need to drop whatever's you are doing and head back to whiskey point, that big bridge turned base camp, we gotta a couple of preachers that can help sort that shit out

>>33622367
>you will never force a young female soldier to her knees watching her cry at the sight of her dead friends, feel her shoulders quiver through the barrel of the gun pushed against the base of her neck, or listen to her whimpering,begging for mercy, breaking into sobs before you fire a single shot through the side of her neck, gashing her throat open, listening to her cries of agony turn to gurgles as she thrashed on her side, her life-syrup flowing away, before she eventually stops moving as she surrenders utterly to the indomitable will of death.

You guys are fucking lucky. You get to play with elves. I get to play with 155mm artillery 17km away. It sounds fun but it gets old real fucking quickly. Every day, every fucking day we load the gun and shoot. I haven't seen a single elf in months.

Also some LT ordered WP to burn away the forests, so that one day you didn't get any elves alive, yeah, that's his fault.

Please send skittles. Or elf twinks. Or pictures of elf twinks. Hell, I'd accept pictures of skittles at this point.

>>33628284
Have any issues with undead

>>33628306
Does it have a hole to fuck?

>>33628284
>falling for the army meme
Glad I got my experience before the war began, no way in hell I'd want to get caught manning some gov't outpost or patrolling some shit while there's this much to do.

I'll get our radioman to send some morse binary for you to plug into a PC to get some pics in exchange for shekels

>>33628331
>morse binary

You know thats like 200,000 taps for a decent pic, right?

>>33628350
I'm well aware of that
It's probably more to be honest.
Keeps our guy busy though, some hunting days are shit or we're just moving goods around and nothing interesting is happening

Haven't been bombed by good ol Uncle Sam yet though, so he's been kinda bummed. Hasn't been able to yell at anyone in a few weeks since we moved some of our operation theatres.
He got mad at some Russians a few days ago, hell that was hilarious. Nearly got our shit pushed in but he had a grand old time.

He's kind of autistic like that

>>33628275
hey fuck you those fucking kids are like 100 years old
it ain't my fault they look like they age a year after every 10 or so years that go by

>>33628276
man I don't wanna fuck off to some camp hundreds of miles away when there's nothing but knife ears sneaking about between us and civilization

I just wanna shoot some elves man

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>>33628326
No
I'm asking if you guys are have to deal with the undead that far out
Like these floating fucks

Also
We can fly up a couple of hookers with a extra large bag of skittles
Anything else ya need?

>>33628022
Just a part of their biology m8. Apparently the males have very sporadic fertility so females evolved to be in heat all the goddamn time. Put a few half breeds in her and it'll go away. Plus after that she can serve as a surrogate for an embryo transplant so you can have human kids to carry on the family line.

>>33628248
>MKULTRA 2 Elf fungus boogaloo
Fuckin alphabet agencies doin it again.

>be squad designated marksman
>been embedded with these asshole for a few weeks since my old unit got torn apart over a sex slavery ring
>never took part, just looked the other way
>have a hard time seeing the elves as anything short of childish animals
>no sympathy for them
>just line up the crosshairs and feel the recoil most of the time
>yesterday, though...

We came across a village in our quadrant - one that was supposed to be pacified. The elves were supposed to be docile and prone to hiding according to our LT, but I couldn't help but feel that it was a ploy. Guess my time in the shit has gotten me pretty good at predicting this sort of shit.

LT caught a broadhead to the throat. Gunner was the next to eat it after he tried to lay down some suppressive fire. Medic took one to the knee as he was trying to drag the poor fucker behind cover.

We were pinned for a while until my spotter figured out the pattern of fire. I got into a flanking position and took aim.

It was a fucking kid. Maybe as old as me, but you know how they look. She looked like my kid sister back home.

Christ, I hate command for the contraband rules. I need a fifth of whiskey before our next patrol.

>>33628410
We'll send a chopper
Also
Stop fiddling kids, that's what attracted those fuckers
It also attracts the firm hand of captain pineapple and his court martial squad

Anyone know any companies with openings for a freelance Mi-8 driver? I've got the Mi-8(God Bless salvage laws), and a snow elf girl chained up in the copilot seat. All I need is work and some people to do maintenance.

>>33628433
Yea that about sums my take on it up
Really weird thing was that most of the fighting was around the morge
Wounder if those sharp eared ass clowns got sentimental or something

>>33625056
I had a dwarf squad mate too.
Two of them actually (though the second one never did anything interesting)
But the first one, let's call him middledigit, he was a nutty ass motherfucker.

Your elf ear necklace?
He did have one of those. He kept a running count of sets of molars in one of his (stolen) spare mag pouches. This fucker got our LMG and belts and looked like a pile of FN MAG belts walking around laying waste to shit.

One time he went awol during a mission just to piss on an elven historical figures grave. Nearly got him discharged except the judge couldn't stop laughing, and then proceeded to give the fucker a medal in exchange for a molar.
I miss that sonovabitch.
>>33625206
Those ain't elves.
The only time we saw those things was when some serious shit was happening.
Still are lead just the same though.
>>33627460
Take it from me: they can use guns, and quite well.
They simply avoid it because "MUH NACHUUUURE!!!"
Fucking hippy dickheads.
We actually had a dude in our squad that was half elf. The fucker was a damned amazing shot, but he would always somehow "lose" his gun and mysteriously acquire a crossbow.
He got caught hiding/destroying his gun one time too many and got sent to a penal battalion.
That said, the few that manage to get over it are excellent comrades if you have them.
>>33627602
>dwarves keep taking my liquor
Take theirs. It's quite good and they're normally willing to share if you're not a stingy prick.
>>33627628
No.
Run the fuck away, ditch them, drown them, shoot them, whatever the fuck you do do NOT fuck them, do NOT sign any contracts.
Again, squad mate lost a hit more than his life to that.
Had a cousin with the same problem.
>>33628248
Holy shit that some spooky shit man.
I wondered what went down at that depot.

>>33628475
Hell, I used to be a mechanic. Maybe with the right amount of buttfuckery I'll be able to keep it running. No idea what it can be used for considering our operations though.
>>33628452
>I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow to the knee

I feel like diversifying more and getting better shit than the stuff I have, really make a name for my co. Gonna need to decide on whether to keep using tiger stripe or move to something like tropical Multicam. Hell, maybe even CADPAT. Gotta get me a new AR too.

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>>33619923

>>33619923
>Be on patrol; Karaz-a-Karak
>Dwarfbro guide
>Dwarfbro guide has single-shot rifle, dwarf made semi auto(?) for sidearm
>sees silhouette activity 500m out
>drops in shot with irons
>Huge smokecloud, His 'single shot' was a goddamn wheellock
>goddamn wheellock was a 500 year old honor weapon maintained by royal dwarven armorers
>pulled some Carlos Hathchock whitefeather shit with a BP gun older than my country
>Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

>>33628418
>I'm asking if you guys are have to deal with the undead that far out

I've only seen one undead, our LT popped it in the head with his rifle. Shame, it looked like it had giant tits when it was still alive.

Never seen those flying things in person though. I don't know if they just don't exist or I'm just too far back to run into one that hasn't already been killed.

>Anything else ya need?

Yeah, an honorable discharge.

Anyways thanks bro. The skittles will help a lot. I caught one of our Privates licking antifreeze yesterday.

Those knife eared tree niggers cant hide if they don't have trees. Come on boys lets ask our fly boys to drop some liquid diplomacy

>>33628524

I swear to god, they kneecap people in response to the faggots spouting that meme. It's fucking awful, too, because there's basically no recovery. Broadhead gets you in the knee and you're fucked. Never walking right again.

That said, camo is fucking pointless. When I got conscripted, I tried to work on a Ghillie suit, but it was pointless. The fuckers will hear your breathing long before they see you.

I just took to making my uniform as plain and non-descript as possible. The elves go after officers and SAW gunners first. Then it's the marksman. They recognize our DMRs at this point and know that we're dangerous enough to prioritize.

Just try to look as much like a grunt as possible.

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>>33619923
Alternatively, why not befriend them? Ally with them?

>>33628562
Please don't let the privates like the anti freeze
As for the honorable discharge, no can do, how ever, see if you can convince K&Z to buy your contract from the army, we'll get you down here on whiskey point, and i bet you my last smoke we'll get you out of here alive(ish)

>>33628580
Shemags and knee guards helped me a little.

Didn't do too much, but at least my knees were to the point where I had a urgent and they (mostly) function right.
I was a SAW gunner though, so they were fucker either way.

>>33628580
That's a good fucking point.

Ever tried applying white noise generators? I'm curious if they detect those frequencies.

>>33628600
Oh fuck right off knife ear
Remember boys and girls
This ain't a secure line
And these cunts can listen in
So if it's important keep it on secure lines

>>33628600
We did with the reeeeaaaalllly far northern ones.
Turned out quite nice for use both.
The southern ones were just a bit too pissy for our likings though.
Didn't want any tech.
Didn't want houses, science, and over everything else, an ally to fend off the orcs with.

No sirreee bob, they decided they preferred kneecapping public figures and other civilians for shits and giggles.

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>>33628600

>>33623310

>tfw no fantasy where the humans are the hippie faggots living like Germanic barbarians with sacred groves decorated with the corpses of innumerable massacred elven legionaries

>>33628524

Yeah..used to do CAS in the far north with fuckloads of rockets, but S-8s don't penetrate treetop cover. And everyone's fighting mostly the tree huggers now.

Guess its back to cargo jobs damn it.

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Friendly reminder to not eat forest confections. Enemy baked "cookies" may be magically laced. Field testers have reported symptoms ranging from drowsiness, to hypnosis and weight gain. If you come across any, bag and mail it back to HQ for processing.

>>33628618

I heard rumors of a recon team testing white noise during an HVT mission, but I can't get confirmation. You'd think something like that would work, bit I'm hesitant to try it. I know one dipshit that tries using an app on his phone to attempt it and it just made it easier for him to get ambushed and killed. I assume a better quality, multi-directional generator would work, but I'm just speculating based off what I've understood from the analysts back at HQ.

What I do know is that using a vented muzzle brake can really fuck up their day. I've got a Mk17 with one and it absolutely defend the fuckers.

At a medium distance engagement, they were disoriented enough to not be able to pin my location. In close quarters, though?

Jesus, dude, I discharged my rifle out of reflex upon entering a Drow cavern and I may as well have detonated a few bricks of C4. They were all on the ground screaming.

>>33628691
Flash bangs are your best friend my dude

It took me way too long to realize I wasnt on /tg/

>>33628780

Trust me, I know it. It just sucks because my kit doesn't include them. I leave for patrol four days a week with just my DNR, sidearm, some spare mags, and a spotting scope. Only the grunts get 'bangs and they don't appreciate them.

Guess it's not as nerve racking to enter a cave when you have 120 rounds to spare and a weapon that isn't as big as a fifth grader.

I love my rifle, but I hate bringing a long barrel into close quarters.

>>33628829

Christ.

The alarms just went off all around the FOB. Bet the fucking Keeblers are testing the defenses again. It's been like this every few days since we captured one of their fucking witches.

So much for shitposting before sleep. I'll be lucky to get four hours before my next patrol.

At least I'll be able to afford a good down payment on a ranch after this deployment. I just want to get away from this shit. Two more years and I can cash out my contract.

>>33628868
>elf witches
AWWWWWW SHIIIIIIIIT, WE GOT ELF WITCHES!
Now, with that out of the way, how do you know she's a which?
Did she turn you into a newt?
You know that newtposting is illegal.

>be tech monkey POG in FOB with line of sight back through the rift to Louisiana
>all the grunts are hip deep in elf poon and I'm here getting similarly well acquainted with this useless goddamn comms rack that was outdated the first time we invaded Iraq
>some drunken fucking dwarf smashed the crate with our backup keyboards because he saw KB and thought Keebler
>Fobbit LT starts yelling at me about wasting supplies, being sensitive to our allies culture (at least it's not goatfucking hajjis this time), etc.
>he keeps yelling at me until after dark because the datalink back Earthside dropped out while he was yelling at me for the other thing and mostly because he's a fobbit butterbar who hates life
>finally get back to work and get the datalink up again which is how I'm posting this, still seeing red
>someone walks up behind me and touches my shoulder
>I spin around, wrench in hand, screaming about needing five goddamn minutes of peace
>spinning wrench delivers knockout blow to drow girl who was standing behind me
>next thing I know I'm standing in front of the Captain and a snooty looking drow with huge tits while she says something in spiderfucker and he just smirks at me
I think I just got married. Any advice?

>>33628892
Enjoy.
And be more careful with your wrench next one; the last thin we need is space elf mormons.

>>33628868
You need to put that witch in a fucking medically induced coma
She's calling for back up
You also need to get the person who grabbed her the hell outta dodge
She will probably want to take him home

>>33628497
I tried shooting the little bastards the first time I saw them but my brand-spankin new gun failed to fire 4 times in a row

what are they, some sort of devilwizards?

>>33628901
Mormons? But I'm Cath-

Oh. OH. God Almighty, I see what you mean, but one's about all I can handle.

>>33628892
>snooty looking drow with huge tits while she says something in spiderfucker and he just smirks at me
>I think I just got married. Any advice?
She's gonna try to put a collar on you every day until you put one on her, and even then she'll test you if you don't keep her in her place.

I suggest goat leather whips, they won't mark her up a bad as a cow leather whip.

>>33628936
Huh. Never thought knowing so many sex weirdos in the tech field would be useful. I'll keep that in mind.

>>33628933
Then stab them.
And then drown the corpses in holy water.

Motherfucker, don't ask, just do it.
>>33628934
The only acceptable outcome is for your son to be Space JMB.
All hail John Moses Drowning and the legendary Cult M3011.

>>33628822
/k/ - a magical realm

>>33628688
me and my buddies stumbled upon an elven village deep innawoods, completely abandoned

it was littered with booby traps but there was some weird fucker sitting in the middle of the place just eating cookies

figured the guy was just a nut and moved on but apparently he was the commander of some secret special ed forces guys working for some letters agency that went MIA a week ago so we had to drag him back to base and get him lifted out

big Jim ate one of the cookies and started tripping the fuck out, found him wrapped around one of our generators because "the alligators needed it and were working with the germans" so he had to protect it

we kept the cookies though

>>33628970
I dunno they don't seem like bad non-humies, it seems a waste to kill them

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>>33628600
>>33628621
>>33628632
>>33628642

>>33628603
>Please don't let the privates like the anti freeze

I once witnessed a guy from another battalion get a super ass chewing because he mixed raisins with brake fluid and let it ferment. According to their dwarf liaison it was "Little too sweet but still pretty good."

Desperate fucking times, man.

>>33629029
At least they haven't figured out how to reseal MREs yet.
And on a side note, actual elf cooking is quite tasty (when they're willing to cook meat and their baked good are great too)

Kinda reminds me of Mexican, but less greasy, and with more emphasis on Rice in fucking everything.

>>33629040
Dwarves can process some serious shit though.
I once witnessed one drink a quart of motor oil because his liquor stash was confiscated (read: redistributed amongst those of higher rank)
He downed that shit and went on his way a short though nothing had happened.

>>33628970
>putting enough kids in a drow to give her a son
>on enlisted pay
I can actually feel my wallet shrivelling up in agony. You know anyone back Earthside that's looking for an IT guy or arcanotech dev (one's got about as much black magic as the other) someplace with cheap land? I suddenly have no desire to reup next year.

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>>33629016

>>33629082
You'll be fine man.
The women tend to be a huge help in Elven culture, being a matriarchy and all.

>>33628621
>>33628632
Did some R&D work for pharma corps under the aegis of cultural exchange/ recruiting tree fuckers to fight the tree fuckers we were having problems with. You know those insane antibiotic shot regimens you have to go through now? Yea that was my group, sorry for the literal butthurt.

Anyway, elves are hilariously clannish and never forgive slights but the reverse is true too. We brought some of quality of life improvements over and got along really well, controlled fire on demand is a hell of an icebreaker. They showed us a bunch of shit that would have taken us decades to test and discover. Their magic users/priestesses(fuckin elf language man) weren't too flashy, but they worked wonders with the material science boys; they can hand sculpt glassware like pottery and it shits on scientific grade glassware. Its too bad the main knife eared faggots got wind and decided to murder everything in that tribe/clan, including us. Far too many casualties for us but our friendly tribe was pretty much wiped out. Brought the few remaining priestesses back with us as they were already within our facilities thanks to the studies being done. Ended up starting a new company for specialty parts and got a "war trophy" out of the whole thing. I say "war trophy" because wife is illegal. Half-keeblers are unfairly adorable.

>>33628688
Those are usually as magic as the magic mushrooms our own hippies have been using. Thats a pharma directive bro.

>>33628868
Oh shit, is that human for elf magical slut witch or elven witch WITCH? Cause elf WITCH is some serious bad blood magic demonic bullshit coming your way.

>>33629036
Well I sure am glad to be in the national guard then. And not fighting and dying in some foreign lands. But those 20th Standard guys do have it lucky.

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>>33619923
Why can't we humans and elves just be friends and ally ourselves with them?

Share our tech, science and modernized knowledge of many things with them. And in turn they would share their mastery of magic and nature with us.

And we'd both form a formidable powerhouse to smash our enemies to pieces.

>>33629305
See >>33628632 and >>33629198
We did.

The problem is they got the shit kicked out of them for not being anti human.

>>33629316
Whoever creates gene therapy to make half elves fertile will be a trillionaire.

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The "Education" camps are getting rowdy again, hyped AF to catch me some little elf running from the gas.
>pic related

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>>33629322
>Half-Elves are infertile

Well I know this is something best left for /tg/ to discuss as opposed to gun people in here who may or may not be actual military personnel.

But basically, the whole half-elves are infertile depends on the setting.

Also I guess even /k/ would also say Half-Elves are cute and even best of both humans and elves.

>>33629305
Holy crap, that pic. Again this is something best left for /tg/ but I'mma just say that is some warhamm shit right there.

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>>33619923

>>33629344
Stop ruining our fun and go back to whatever hole you crawled out of.

>>33629344
>Half-Elves are infertile

Its a hybrid vigour thing. Mule, Liger, etc. Elf "DNA" is pretty crazy in how it forces base pair bonds. You look at a wood elf and a drow and think its just a melanin difference? Nope! They are about as related as you are to a house cat. BUT they can still interbreed. Elf DNA creates a kind of scaffold to force reproduction, this is probably also why they live so long and don't develop cancers.

[spoiler]/k/ has better rp than /tg/, cross board pollination is good. [/spoiler]

>>33628418

Wait a minute, what the fuck? Did the knife ears weaponize the undead phenomena while I wasn't looking? What the hell can those thigns do to a man?

Christ, lads, I volunteered to defend the country and smash some elven pussy, not fight flying devil-zombies.

>>33629395
>/k/ has better rp than /tg/, cross board pollination is good.

Especially with 40K right? Because I've seen a surprising amount of 40K threads here in /k/.

Also, does /k/ really likes and or approves of Warhammer 40K threads here because of the artwork and aesthetic involving imperium and xeno weapons and tech right?

Hell even for RP'ing sakes and to go autism about how you can live the life of some infantry in 40K?

>>33629443
Every board usually does another boards discussion topics better. You will find better /a/ threads on /tg/, while you will find better /tg/ threads on /k/. Its due to the autisms.

But to answer your question, you need to start the thread correctly, generate interest, and luck out. Star Wars usually gets some decent RP and discussions going. 40K has too many 40kiddies and thus is generally shit, but that doesnt mean there isn't interest. Usually 40K threads are stupid and the construction of the guns leaves too much open for ridicule, amongst other things.

Don't get me wrong, Bolter Bitches are fuckin rad.

>>33629406
Knife ears have nothing to do with them things
Before I got the job as K/Z promotion shitposter I was out in the shit when we ran into one of them things, for some reason some newly brought on bell end( guy was from so cal) decided to pick a fight with it, now mind you there was one of them and like 2 bakers dozen of us, so like 26 to 28 well armed loons,


It walked through us,
the 223 was having no effect, not like it went through it or any thing or bounced off, you could see the rotten flesh tear and jump were ever it caught lead, but it just wasn't punching deep enough, only reason any of us survived is that we had two Toyotas jerry-rigged with a browning 50 cal each and some crazy beautiful negro with a honest to god rocket launcher
And with all the shit being laid on thick
it still killed the majority of us and destroyed a technical
All I know is the 5 of us that were left made sure to never sign up for anything other than base patrol
Everyone else on that patrol could be scraped off the ground into a coffee tin

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>>33628497
You should have given your half elf a repeating crossbow that shoots Depleted Uranium bows .At least that's how i solved my half elf recruit from Constellis Holdings(Ahem Blackwater) .BTW you should considere joining us . I am the
vice-commander for operations so i could get you started quite easy

>>33629198

Fuck.

It was too late for me to see it. I didn't even know Blood Magic was a thing. They never briefed us on this shit. They never told us what they were capable of.

Someone fucking knew, though. Someone knew and made a fucked up choice.

That fucking bitch had half the FOB converted under our noses. They let the fucking Keeblers in and it was a slaughter. Took everything we had to stop the siege.

Christ, I had to put down so many of my guys...

They're going to cover this up. I'm being hauled in with everyone else, but I'm hoping this message gets out. Don't let the goddamn bloodletters live.

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>>33619923
Training them to be integrated in human armies with the power of short-shorts and FALs

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>>33630846
Otherwise, there is always the firing line

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>>33622733
100% with you there.

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SS here just got done removing keebler town. Plenty of slave material left over, but Rottenführer says we have to get rid of them. Will I be able to get a QT elven slave in the future or am I fucked.

>>33628688
Cannot stress enough. Found some shit while on patrol and took a bite thinking it was some chocolate chip shit, next day I spent all fucking day in the portashitters.

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>>33630930
If it's black, you're on the right track. If it's white, get the pike.

>>33629322
Doubtful (for now)

It's mostly ex mil and PMC guys who consider them sexy and only because of a decent amount of exposure to them.

Outside of their little inner city enclaves that barely leave their village complexes only to get mare seeds and shit periodically there really aren't many of them that aren't murdering the fuck out of us.
It is kinda sad though, 'cause most guys who go elf don't own back.

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>>33619923
A-10 pilot here OP, we're raining down hell on the forest of the Elvens. Napalm is out, I repeat napalm is out.

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Uh, guys, they're learning!.

>>33631051
Rape them?

>>33631051
It's fine. Look at those ears, she's clearly a half-blood and therefore has full citizen rights and protection of law.

>>33631070
>2017 still trusts half-bloods elves.
>Totally not a spy for the elves.

>>33631051
You wanna know how I know that's fake?

The only female elves that are willing to do anything involving violence are drowesses.
And even they avoid firearms, even suppressed ones (still a bit too loud for them)

The only exception I've met was a friend that custom loaded a shitload of .45 and had a seriously high end suppressor for a pistol.
And even she still used a crossbow for her main weapon.
>>33631046
So 20mm ain't good enough?

And on a more /k/ related note, I didn't know we could drop napalm from A-10s.
Anyone care to elaborate?

>>33631070

Wait what? Fuck. Does the FBI investigate stuff that happened outside the states?

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Found this escaped slave hiding underneath my car. Does she belong to any of you? She doesn't seem to have any brand, tattoo or microchip and she's not talking. Tell me if she's yours, or else she legally becomes mine after 72 hours.

>>33631084
>And on a more /k/ related note, I didn't know we could drop napalm from A-10s.
Anyone care to elaborate?

Not really sure if you can, I mean... I'm pretty sure you kinda could. I'm not an aero-dymanics engineer but I think you could balance the weight out with one napalm on each wing.

>>33631097
She belonged to me for the four hours I paid for.

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>>33631084
>>33631105
AN f80 is carrying it, so I assume an a10 can too.

>>33631077
So long as you teach a halfie to take pride in their human parentage and culture, and instil in them a sense of racial and national loyalty, I see no reason not to trust them.

>>33624868
This would be funnier if not for the horrid Engrish.

>>33631141
We should put all elves and half-elves into camps. You're a fucking left wing liberal, taking in half-elves into our country. They're bringing spies.

>>33631097
Eww, a vanilla one. Definitely not mine

>>33631147
>expecting elves to be able to perfectly recreate the human tongue

Come on man, the fact that they can talk at all is impressive for the little shits.

>>33631152
>not practicing genetic imperialism

What are you, gay?