Stories

>be me
>be inna the air force
>never do anything of note

10/10 would re-enlist

My dad got drafted into the Army back in '58. Armored cav and later intelligence. He said that in the mess hall, they sometimes under cooked the chicken so badly that it was semi-raw and he couldn't eat chicken for many years after.

>>33511920
I killed a man in Baghdad.

>>33514546
i got over 50 kills. what prestige are you bro

>>33511920
>be army stupid
>do Gulf War 2
>get sent outta wire
>see hajis doing haji shit
>eat ration packs
>get stuck between shits and constipation
>do nothing but get driven around in a humvee

>>33514523
shit like this and stories of flies in the mess halls are why I don't want to join.

>>33514706
It's just mess bruh
It's messy as fuck
That's why it's "mess"
Just do it

>>33514868
at least 2/3 of the army stories on this board involve shit or lack thereof, I just cant do it

I grew up in a small village in Chad. At the age of 10 I was conscripted into the tribal militia.

I'm in the army right now. I jerk off and drink a lot. Some days I consider reenlisting just so I could blow my brains out at the ceremony in front of the commander and make everyone go through don't kill yo self training.

> be innaIDF
> have an absolute shit NCO
> buddy splooges off into his camelback

>>33517395
This is the most accurate description of the army I have ever read.

>>33514523
Why was there a draft in 1958?

>>33518192
So jews could have more whites die.

>be inna strip club in Nashville in the 90s.
>Wearing a woodland camo shirt, no insignia no badges just a fucking shirt.
>go to bathroom
>young marine follows me in
>Him...Muh stolen valor! normies no wear camo!
>me *pulls knife* "Do something about it"
>him "muh mistake" *exits bathroom*

>>33511920

I was one of 22 participants in the construction of Camp Redleg in UAE, which was a huge Army project

Don't have any cool stories

>Be me
>wanna be infantry
>Join oorah corps
>at boot find out my recruiter pulled some fuckery and I'm a linguist now
>lol wtf is this bullshit
>year and a half school to learn a hadji language
>more training for some TS shit i never use
>halfway through a five year enlistment before I even hit the fleet
>Job turns out to be fucking awesome, sit in the AC and help find jihads to kill/arrest
>grunt buddy always miserable in the field
>collect extra 300-ish dollars a month
>free associates degree from language school
>Only problem is MOS only promotes like 2 people a month, cutting score is fucking stupid high
>won't hit Cpl til almost 4 years in

All in all 10/10 would thank recruiter for going behind my back

>>33517395
Are you me ?

>>33511920
I circlejerked inna desert with my buds, never killed anyone though

>>33519155

I bet you love having to stand parade rest for some bitch ass 3 year sergeant with only three ribbons because "muh rank" and low ass cutting scores.

>chilling in the barracks
>some grunt company moved in on 4th deck
>learn that my buddy was up there
>chill with grunts on fourth deck getting hammered
>one guy was leaning on the railing with his glass beer bottle over it
>slips out of his hand when a couple of guys ran past our group
>"ah shit there goes my beer"
>2 seconds there was a shattering of glass on something hard
>There's only grass down there what the fuck
>Shrill shrieking comes from below
>We peer over and there was a wook on the ground crying with her hands on her head
>Uh-oh
>Duty pulls out of the hut and comforts her and immediately calls the OOD and fucking PMO because he's a bitch ass two ribbon boot corporal
>"We should probably duece out of here"
>Duty came up one side of the barracks so we went down the other side
>We get to the cars
>"HEY STOP RIGHT THERE"
>"MAKE US YOU BOOT FUCK"
>What we didn't know was that was the OOD that just pulled up
>Grunt company was evicted from the barracks two days later

We ended up chilling with the rest of 2/2 that night.

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>>33519273
>"HEY STOP RIGHT THERE"
>"MAKE US YOU BOOT FUCK"
>What we didn't know was that was the OOD that just pulled up

[Hearty Chuckles]

>Be MP
>On duty, pc on, full belt, etc
>SSgt tells me to take my pc off indoors and to stop being "a fucking oxygen stealing moron"
>Get half way turned around in line before he ducks away behind the shoppette

All I wanted was my mandarin lime rip it, MP dindu nuffin

>>33514546
Yo Saddam! I thought they hung you, you old son of a bitch?
Anyways bro, these yanks got all pissy because Abdul and Ameen decided to land a couple of planes in New York, so I been chillin in this cave n shit, wanna come hang (some infidels)?

T. Bin Laden.

>>33511998
>be maintainer
>love jets and get to fuck around with them all day every day
>no pressure really, safety first
>pilots are actually bros
>never do anything of note

It's pretty great.

>>33519738
>>33511998
Question for the AF people: how is the Air National Guard? I've been seriously considering joining to get dem tuition monies and I've been asking a few people I know who were/are active duty. Is it worth it? Do you get screwed over?

>>33518233

Nashville resident here... Was is deja vu? haha

>>33511920
the japs blew my shins off, but I killd fiddy men

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>Be busted grunt shoveled another shitty corp
>now non busted POG admin
>hate life for a year missing all the grunt shit
>all my old grunt friends tell me they hate their lives on the regular and are trying to transfer to diff corps
>realise i get 2 hours a day at work to go to the gym, i sit in aircon, im surrounded by gril soldiers, plenty of time after 1600 to live my own life since i live off base with my normie gf
>mfw im progressing nicely in my martial arts after work and will be getting babbies first stripe on le belt soon
>mfw i wear the uniform but work essentially a white collar job w/ the extra excitement of overseas trips and national exercises
>hell i have so much time on my hands to work out im actually the fittest ive ever been in my career, might even throw an app to the CO to be sent off for selection next year.

>>33518208
*so whites could have more Jews die

>>33518233
this totally happened guys

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>deploy to AFG for 4 months
>get a room to myself after my roommate redeploys
>12hr days, one day off a week
>showers too hot
>AC too cold
>acft I worked with dropped ~450 munitions while I was there
War is hell.

>>33511998
>>33519738
Joining AF and want to shoot for Avionics on bomber or fighters. Is it a difficult position to get in?

>>33522922
>12hr days, one day off a week
Absolutly abhorrent anon

>>33522975
Not at all. Avionics guy here. To give you an idea, my re-enlistment bonus would be about ~$30k. I'm getting the fuck out, though.

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>>33522975
Not hard to get, just have good asvab score and request open electrical. I was bomber avionics, don't do it unless you want the shittiest base selection possible. Go fighters or heavies (tankers/cargo).

>>33523071
Damn shits changed in a couple years, they paid me $20k to get out

>>33522975
In reality though, you won't have a choice of airframe

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>>33523074
Bitch, you have no idea. Look at where I can go.

>>33522922
>AC too cold
Impossible

>>33523147
We didn't have control over the thermostat. I swear my room would get down to like 40 in the summer. I don't even know how. Felt fucking great after work or wandering around the boardwalk all day, though.
I think it was because the building used to belong to Canadians. They're a cold-loving people.

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>join army
>gay as fuck
>most higher rank people are dicks
>get treated like children
>gender awareness briefings
>sexual harassment briefings
>basically a big pissing contest of douchebags
>underfunded as fuck
>become alcoholic
>fuck

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>join USMC in late 2009 to catch the back-end of Afghan war
>Graduate bootcamp in 2010
>Go to SOI and get told that no matter what I'm going to Afghan, so prepare your anus
>Graduate SOI
>Get assigned to unit
>Get told we're going to Afghan
>Do work up for Afghan
>Oh...nevermind. MEU.
>Go on MEU
>Show slight intelligence
>1stSgt wants you to be his clerk
>"no"
>muh needs of the Marine Corps
>become Company fuckboi
>Next deployment is UDP to Okinawa
>spend entire time contemplating life and asking myself where I went wrong
>get DD214
>Go back to company to say goodbye to my current CO, the only guy I respected
>"Oh, I didn't know you were EASing today. In fact, nobody did."
>Show him DD214
>"Oh, well enjoy 1st Civ Div"
>Walk out of there and never look back

>>33523071
interesting. I wanted to use the GI bill to earn an electric engineer degree. May try to go officer when that happens.
>>33523074
89
thanks for the suggestion, fighters are bitchin'
>>33523114
will find out soon, I go back to MEPS for medical processing in about 2 weeks

Story isn't mine, but my dad's from his time in AF

>Be fresh from AF basic
>Get stationed at Nellis AFB
>Meet anons mom, get marry
>Get 'deployed' to go to some shit hole AFB during Desert Storm
>Get in transport plane and say bye to Anons Mom
>Muhhero.jpg
>In wild turn of events plane ends up fucked and has to land in England
>Plane won't make it to Iraq
>They stay there for two weeks
>Dad ends up essentially drinking and partying with britbongs for 2 weeks
>Calls mom anon several times, often fairly drunk
>Desert Storm ends and he gets sent home
>Many keks are still had today

War is hell guys

>>33523284
i know this feel

>>33519155
>Oorah Corps

Fucking dumbshit boot, you're right you never did do anything, only a boot would say that. Also, your recruiter can't just magically change your MOS against your will unless you joined open contract. In the future just say "I'm a pussy" and save us all time.

>>33518233
Sure kiddo.

>>33523893
He wasn't passed about missing Desert Storm?

>>33523621
They won't tell you your exact job at meps, if anything you'll go open electrical, then at basic you'll pic five jobs, and you won't learn which of those you get until just before you leave basic. Unless your asvab was over 93, then they could guarantee a job

>>33523621
Since you wanna work on bombers, I'll share the only interesting story worthy thing I saw. B1 comes in for landing with bombs on board, springs a hydraulic leak, gets on brakes and catches fire. Not my vid but you see the bombs cook off.

https://youtu.be/Dy4m0GhuWus

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>>33511920
I hate telling people on the internet my stories. I end up seeing them in other places as their own...

>>33525546
Oooh. I bet your MEU stories are FUCKING EPIC BRO.

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>>33525593
mostly just barracks shenanigans

>>33511920
>be inna sand pit, onna patrol
>driving through Brown Village #3
>see sneaky haji pop out from behind his hajimobile
>company fuckup opens up with the mk19
>every round misses somehow
>one skips up off the ground and embeds itself in durka's chest
>none of the rounds reached arming distance, EOD scours street for a week trying to find UXOS
>give up after finding 4 of the 5 missing grenades
>forced to button up whenever we go down that street for the rest of our tour, local kids start throwing rocks at us because it significantly cuts down on candy and MRE distribution

>>33525767
They already got Trump up? It was 2010 and we still had Bush Jr. As president.

Also different guy who deployed, did he just civvie insult you like his shit matters? Kek.

>father flew planes during WW2
>killed a bunch of french civvies doing missions over france because they could have been germans
>didnt really care either way
whenever somebody posts the strafingatiger.gif of the plane shooting a horse drawn carriage, it makes me laugh since that's what he described it as, just mindlessly gunning down obvious farmers walking down the road

fucking kikes man

>>33526575
> reeee no candies
Fucking sandpeople man

>be ammo specialist
>in AIT
>Redstone Arsenal, which is this REALLY FUCKING WEIRD base kinda-sorta near Huntsville AL
>spend most of my days fucking with the WOFT candidates
>it's a joint base with NASA's rocket program, they have their own compound
>run past it every day for PT
>tower guards tracking this formation with M2's, like a bunch of dudes in PT's is gonna assault the double-layer chain link fence topped with concertina wire when there's a fucking guard tower literally every 100 feet with M2's and mk19's
>get rained on every afternoon cuz summer
Honestly, was super chill. Def. 10/10 would recommend

Also:
>"company" of 31 recruits
>ONE black guy
>naturally he's the one to flip the forklift while carrying an MLRS rocket pack at max extension

>>33511920
>be me
>decide to enlist because fuck working retail
>had gone to college, but not enough money to keep going to school and needed to find work
>score 95 on asvab
>fuckyeah.jpg
>sign contract to go into the navy to be an IC
>about 2 weeks into bootcamp have this weird fucking kid get dropped into our division
>his name was Garcia. complete fucking retard
>really fucking weird, he just pops saliva bubbles at the Petty Officers all day and looks like wacky waving inflatable tube man while at attention
>yeah, really
>2 or 3 weeks we deal with this dumb cunt, he is super gay and makes everyone really uncomfortable
>suddenly Garcia gets called out and shoved into the office where he gets yelled at for a solid like 2 hours
>turns out he grabbed some dude's dick as he was about to take a piss in front of a urinal and tried to hit on him afterwards
>this dude has no idea how to react but this is witnessed by the our security guy
>turns out he got dropped from his previous division for something similar
>gets kicked out of boot camp, is on sex offender registry now
>this is not even a month and a half into bootcamp

I'me still in and have stories that are much better, but I will remember this particular one because that was my first weird military story.

>>33526889
> navy
> gay
Isn'tt that the norm?

>>33517395
next sexual harassment brief, stand up during the first awkward pause and state in the most confused and horrified voice you can muster,
>B-but sergeant, I thought her-ass was two words!
post results.

>>33526914
Contrary to popular belief, no.
Half of my personnel in my shop are girls that get around when deployment starts.

>>33526976
Could've fooled me, twink. I bet you suck cock for breakfast.

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>be me
>sent to Area Guard
>shit detail, walking around base with a rifle pretending you're doing something
>find out Pizza Hut delivers on base at like 2 in the morning
>fuck yes
>our shift orders three large stuffed crust pizzas
>half an hour later pizza gets here
>buddy yells "HEY PIZZA'S HERE"
>I yell "YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL LIKE THAT FUCKER"
>start yelling back and forth, staving off sleep deprivation
>three or four others join in
>dude points his gat at another guy
>everyone starts pointing their gats
>Pizza Hut lady runs out without payment
>immediately burst out laughing
>call the next day to get another pizza
>"sorry sir, we don't deliver pizza to that address anymore"
>mfw I got Pizza Hut banned from our shitty unit

>>33523074
Diego Garcia?

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>>33526630
we could not wait to tear down former President Obama. Hell SCDEF Mattis was apparently up in minutes