Self/Home Defense Stories

>>33425618
It takes you three minutes to piss?

>>33425684

He was masturbating

>>33425618
tl;dr anon was takin a "piss break" while eyeing his sister

>>33425694
It takes longer than three minutes to choke the chicken even with visual and audio aids.

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>>33425732
If you can't tactically beat your meat in less than 30 seconds to give yourself the mental edge in high stress situations, you've already lost.

>>33425684
>>33425694
>>33425724
>>33426157
I post a story about me defending my family and all ya'll seem to talk about is me jacking off

>>33426564

>A magical place

>>33426611
truly a magical place

>>33426564
So you admit you were masturbating instead of watching your little sister like you were supposed to?

>>33425618
I was selling my xbox on craigslist while i was underage, so i didnt have a gun on me. But i always carried a pocket knife. Long story short the nignog i was selling to tried to snatch and run with my shit. I managed to punch him in the face and he dropped the xbox on the ground (fucking it up) and i started wailing on him. Well his friend pops out from behind me and his friend decks me im the back of the head. I was pretty fucking woozy after that, but i got some distance and turned around, and flicked out my kershaw shallot. I wasnt gonna let them have the xbox, i yelled GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE OR I WILL STAB YOU. The dude who hit me in the back of the head started to back off and told the other to jet, but he was like "you wont stab me" and started to go for the xbox. Then i started to swipe at him with it and he took off. I dont regret not stabbing him, but i do wish him a terrible life and early death

>>33425618

Sister almost gets abducted outside in the front yard and your parents spend a mint fortifying the house?

>>33426993

Regard logic, what do you expect?

>>33426736
to be fair, that's better than the alternative

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>>33428010
>implying you can't do both at the same time

>>33428103
thats the dreaded alternative

>>33425618
>Wake up to banging sounds
>Finally.jpg
>Jump of bed, grab mak
>Slice the pie to front door
>See the mailman, he just knocked really hard
>Apologize a bit
>He tells me he doesn't care and just asks what gun it was
>Talk for a minute then he leaves
>Realize as I open my package that I'm wearing nothing but underwear
Closest I've got

>>33426157
C O M B A T J A C K
O
M
B
A
T

J
A
C
K

100% tactical relief

>>33428394
>mfw my brother's name is jack

>>33426938
LOL he is black of course he will have a short terrible life.

>>33428394
upvoted

>>33426736
>Not watching your little sister while masturbating

>>33428670
>Not masturbating with your little sister

>>33426564
Kek

Speaking of guns
>newfag here
what is good starter shotgun, im moving out of my house and into an apartment with a friend if a few months and i need a shotgun thats reliable and somewhat cheap

and praise dubs

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>>33428766
nice script

>>33428351
What was in the box?

>>33429086
Dragon dildo and cum lube ofc

>>33428755
just go get a heap shotgun, any cheap shotgun will work if you plan to use it for home or self defense. you don't need a $500 shotgun for that, big5 or similar you can pick up a decent shotty for $200.
my $300 dickinson shotgun works just as good as my 870

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>Morning
>Dad in bed with his Ipad
>Me in my bed chillin
>Here a noise from down stairs
>Dad asked me i heard that and if it was me.
>say no
>Dad says to get my "haji" (code word for my Glock 19)
>Dad gets his Hi-Power
>Both go down to sweep the house.
>found nothing.
>was fun.

>>33426564

These fatasses like to think they're hot shit because "hurr durr internet operator." You learn that these losers are almost /b/ tier.

Good story, BTW.

>>33425694
Frank and Beans

>Living in apartment with 3 friends
>Waking up for 3rd shift job
>Hear some loud voices in living room
>Some shitbags with a revolver pointing at 2 roomates
>Something about a girl
>back to room quietly open closet
>I took stance with AR-15 at his head from down the hall
>Shitbag friend notices but they only got 1 gun
>He tells guy with gun to slowly back out and leave
>Guy with revolver sees and pretty sure he shit himself
>They leave... quickly
>Roomates didnt even know I had a rifle
>Good times
>They got their IL foid card in 3 months after and bought their own gear

>>33426564
I'm screencaping this.

>>33429596
>Dad says to get my "haji" (code word for my Glock 19)
>Dad gets his Hi-Power
>Both go down to sweep the house.
>found nothing.
>was fun.

Is this a common American Past time?

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>>33430988
Yes.

Also, chek'd

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Suppose I'll tell you folks about the time I popped a guys eyeball out.

>It's around 7pm and I'm walking home after a long day of hauling sheets of metal off trucks

>Ripped as fuck, dehydrated as fuck

>Have backpack, nice watch, general shit

>Realize that I'm being followed by two urban youth (looked around 18 / 20 y/o)

>Where you fru'm cuh?

>Speak up nigga, you ain't welcome here nigga

I told them to fuck off, they took offense to that. Got into a fight, smashed one so hard his front teeth fell out. His friend pulled a knife and went to rush me.

I grabbed his arm, wrenched it forcing the knife to drop.

>Without thinking, I grabbed him by the head and full-on slammed it into a brick wall, then stomped him in the face with a steel toe'd boot

>Fuck he's probably dead

GGGUAGH

>Oh he's alive

Walk away, realize I have a deep ass cut in my arm. Walk back, punch the first guy in the back as hard as I could, search pockets and take what ended up being 190$.

Shitty day, overall.

>>33430993
Gold.

>>33431007

Left out the best part, fuck, was angry just typing this.

When I stomped him with my boot, his eye literally came out. I mean, it was still attached but damn, that was disgusting.

Karma.

>>33431011
>>33431007
Sounds like they played a stupid game and won stupid prizes.

>>33431023

That's about it.

I don't understand why they did it though. Desperation, maybe?

Neither of them were really big compared to me and not to brag, but I was around 215 lbs of Not-giving-a-fuck at the time. I worked 10 to 12 hour shifts five days a week, constantly moving heavy shit.

I almost felt bad, but once that knife got pulled it was game over for sure. Took forever to heal and left a bitchin' scar.

>>33431030
More thinking they outnumbered you. People do really dumb things in groups of 2 or more. They dont consider a proper margin of danger.

One thing police do well is gauge this correctly, Even if 1 on 1 they will call backup because they feel it has too high of a chance of danger depending on the situation.

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>>33430983
>screencaping

>>33425618
post pics of sister

>>33425732
>Pepper back of his truck with a few rounds of birdshot before he peels out of driveway

I came.

>>33426736
>instead of
Why not both?

>>33428755
Maverick 88 mossberg 500 Remington 870 mossberg 590

>>33426938
good shit show em' there is in fact risk haha

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http://talesof4chan.tumblr.com/post/158853642126/k-defends-his-family
Y'all made it on tumblr

>>33428755
Maverick 88. Cheapo version of Mossberg 500 but the internals work the same. Can be had for ~$200 new from any Big 5, Walmart, Cabela's, or Sportsman's Warehouse.

If you don't mind used, you can find a police trade-in Remington 870 or a Mossberg 500/590 for under $200 if they're old enough, but you might have to do some shopping. Main advantages of these over the 88 come down to peripheral parts durability, anti-rust coatings, or personal ergonomics preference.

What in the fuck has this thread turned into?

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>>33432882

I do not know.

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>Few years back, just getting into guns at 21.
>Only have a M&P shield.
>Still in the fascinated fingerfuck stage, so it's always in my hands.
>Sitting in living room watching chinese girl cartoons with room-mate while playing with shield.
>See movement out window.
>Peek out
>4 guys with covered faces standing outside door.
>Oh fuck
>2 of them ram the door.
>Back up, frightened out of my mind.
>They hit again, and this time the door bulges inward.
>Scream like a girl and pop 3 rounds through the door while trying not to piss myself.
>Screaming outside now.
>Hear shoes on pavement moving away.
>Peek outside again.
>Guys are gone, but there is a blood stain on the ground.
>Come down from the adrenaline and realize I was dangerously close to actually peeing myself.
>Cops never showed up, and had no interest in opening that can of worms.
>We move out the next day and live with my parents for 2 weeks as we find a new, not-ghetto place.
>Roommate buys a Mak and my semi-fudd dad gave me one of his mossbergs and a box of 00 buck.
>That shield is never not on me anymore and the mossburg only leaves it's spot by my nightstand for skeet and hunting.

Fucking hell. No one told me that home invasions are THAT scary. Or maybe I'm a pussy? Either way, come in my house uninvited and you're getting blasted even if I cry while doing it.

>>33433488
OP here, I was freaked out but mostly for my sister's safety so you're judgement and composure pretty much goes out the window. Imagine being some pedo seeing an overweight 16 year old flying out the door screeching like an autist while waving a 12 gauge.

>>33433936
that visual
my sides

>>33431007
sounds fake as fuck
it's pretty much impossible to defend oneself from a knife

>>33431007
That's fucking metal

>>33434303

Am guy who posted that.

He got me really fucking good, when I got his arm he pushed the knife forward. It left a four-ish inch, deep fucking wound in my forearm.

I've had knives pulled on me before, never used though. Surprised I was able to disarm him that quickly.

>>33434440
He was a google, they're all either malnourished or obese. You were attacked by two skinnies it seems.

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>>33434473

If they had both been my size, I probably would have been murdered.

But yeah, they were both average if not a bit on the skinny side.

Either way, they started shit and I ended shit.

>>33434550
It sounds like you're a viking, so yeah, if you encountered two black Thors you probably wouldn't have been well off.
However, I've never actually seen a ripped black person outside of a prison (no joke intended), they just seem to not be able to portion food properly. I had one situation in which three darkies tried to jump me and a friend - we're both 5 ft 8, but we're also typical slavs - built like a brick, small and stout. They started running after the first punches were thrown, but if they were built like us, we could've been in a really bad situation.

I never actually had a good story until about a week ago.
>sitting on the couch, halfway asleep
>girl I know is in my bathroom showering
>hear somebody hammering on the door and yelling
>this guy sounds pissed, grab my gun before I get up
>answer the door, gun just out of view
>before I can even ask what he wants I get sucker punched and drop my gun
>on the ground getting my head smashed in
>fumble around for gun and can't find it
>manage to get him off me and try to find it
>arm wraps around my neck from behind
>can't even understand what he's yelling but he's obviously mad about something
>can't breathe right at this point
>so this is how it ends
>hear screaming and he lets go
>can finally breathe again
>girl got out of the shower and is pointing my gun at him
>she holds him until police show up
>I take the week off work because by that evening I can barely talk and my head is swollen up in a bunch of weird ways
Turns out she was engaged and never told me. I'm sorry it sounds like it never happened but this is the only time my gun has really seen use. Usually it's stuff like "I heard what sounded like someone tearing shit up in my living room so I grabbed my gun and it turns out my cat flipped a tit because he got stuck in the carpet"

>>33431007
Great job, robbing them was a nice touch.

>>33434666
He kind of deserved that 200 bucks though, nothing's free, even an asskicking.

>>33434599

I've been jumping from labor job to labor job since I was 15, got pretty jacked doing all sorts of shit. Always made sure to eat a fuck ton, ended up turning into a human brick wall after awhile. Never really got fucked with.

Glad you made it out of that without any serious injuries, being outnumbered fucking sucks. I rarely, rarely see them fight fair.

>>33434666

Oh hey, Satan. I figured I should get something out of a shitty situation, so why not? I've only been in a few decent fights and at the end, I'll usually make sure the dude isn't totally fucked / upright at least.

All the rules / morals went out the window when that knife came out, they're lucky that's all that happened. I could have had a gun, I could have had a knife, etc.

>>33434785
Yeah, the only thing hurt was our trust in people. These guys were most probably "peaceful migrants", as pretty much all of these are located in and around Warsaw, which is where the whole fight happened. It's really sad that in such a monoethnic country (99% white), the only time that someone tried to rob, it was a black person. Really reinforces the stereotype.

>>33434698

think of it as a nigger-tax refund

>>33434624

>a girl I kow

>turns out the was engaged and never told me

Soopier than any skinwalker story. At least the skinwalkers don't cheat.

>>33434898
I'd love to get such a refund, but there ain't too much negroes in Poland.

>>33434922
Yeah, this kind of thing is why I have trouble trusting women. If you're willing to cheat with me then chances are you're willing to cheat on me.

>>33434624
>>girl got out of the shower and is pointing my gun at him

was she naked and still wet? that would've been hot as fuck

>>33435276
Yeah, dripping all over my floor and everything. I can't complain too much because I do the same thing anyway.

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>>33434985

>mfw life after being divorced

>>33431030
>i don't understand why niggers behaved niggerishly
2+2=4

>>33435433
I don't think I ever want to get married. I hear that your stuff basically gets thrown out in favor of her stuff. I like my stuff.

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>last year
>be playing on my pc with headphones on while my brother is sleeping in the same room
>lights are off and the room is dark as fuck
>hear really loud crashing noise behind me
>FUUUUUCK
>start screaming "what the hell is that"
>I jump off my chair and grab .357
>my brother is in a fetal position in his bed screaming (he has this thing where if you wake him up in an abrupt way he will lose his shit and start screeching like an autist)
>aim at the window behind me and try to see an intruder
>it's just the mosquito net that fell off
>return to pc

>>33426938
Of course you don't regret not stabbing him
>Stabs nigger trying to attack you
>Public outrage
>"He dindu nuffin"
>Imprisoned and executed for murder and hate crimes

>>33435483
>black people always act like greedy monkeys
You may wanna move out of leftyville and see what non-hood rats act like.

>>33435765
>my brother is in a fetal position in his bed screaming (he has this thing where if you wake him up in an abrupt way he will lose his shit and start screeching like an autist)
sounds like your brother is an actual autist anon

>>33426611

A magical realm, yes

>>33425618
I wanted to call this bullshit but when i was like 5\7 something similar happened to me.

>Old guy opens gate to back yard.

>He asks me to go over towards the gate

>I started to then kind of paused because i had no idea who he was. I kind of thought my dad was over there and they needed me to do something

>I yelled dad cause i didn't know what the fuck was going on

>Yea, literally in his bedroom, the window and door to that room not more than ten feet away. He's inside

>someones here i tell him

>old perv guy, stop, come here, acting like im doing something wrong.

>Ugh dad this guys trying to get me to follow him

> dad "OK"

>old perv God damnit just come here.

> I start screaming in panick, dad this old guys yelling at me to get in the van.

>Dad, what the fuck "here him from the window walking towards it. Old perv heres it says sorry and takes off

>Be me, just standing there not sure which way to go. Old guy runs away and i just stand there for a few minutes trying to figure out which way is safer.

>dad sticks head out the door, "where'd he go" goes back in

>he ran away. I think that guy got arrested for murdering a little girl. Fenton michigan 90s

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>>33425618
Happened about 4-5 months ago
>Live in big apartment complex
>line of 2 story apartments forming a circle around a communal park
>Live in bottom floor apartment
>sitting in living room watching GATE with roommate (fuck off)
>local colored contingent decide to start nigging
>screaming, fighting, breaking glass, cops eventually show up 30-40 minutes later
>before they show up, some culturally enriched fellows start banging on my door, demanding I let them in
>grab mosin from display stand and point it at the door until the cops show up
It was all rather exciting

>>33425618
I don't think window bars will help you when you are already outside.

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>>33435765
This fucking post

I pointed my Mauser at my brother's shitty drug dealer friend after he tried to fuck him up over a half bowl pack of weed. If you're reading this Fletcher(I know you browse), know that I really regret not shooting your ass. Would've saved many people a good deal of trouble. White nigger, that's what you are.

Saw the first couple posts on here about masturbating on Ifunny, I think it was featured. Nice.

>Philippines, New years 2010
>17 years old
>outside, kids were playing with firecrackers
>see kid throw firecracker across the street

>a couple minutes later
>very skinny, shaggy looking man with long hair throws a bottle into the street, shards cause one little girls legs to bleed slightly
>see a machete in his hand
>he's pacing back and forth yelling angrily
>carried my dad's chinese copy colt .357 no holster in 6 o'clock position
>decide to take action
>draw at him
>man seems unfazed, and starts yelling more angrily

>uncle comes out of nowhere and grabs the man behind the neck with one hand
>man drops machete and turtles up
>takes him away across the street

>I go find my mom who is behind the fence this all happened in front of
>asks why the hell I have a gun, and how stupid it was of me
>tells me how I wouldn't be able to go home if I had shot the man
>realize how stupid it was and apologize

>5 minutes later, uncle comes back with the shaggy guy, this time the man is holding a sweep and dustpan
>watch him sweep up the glass

>still wonder what the fuck he did to the guy

That same night I traded two bottles of tequila in exchange for going to the beach which was close to our home and shooting that same uncle's 1911, which was missing its rear sights

>>33431007
So you niggered the niggers?

>>33434624
>answering the door at all with a clearly angered individual behind it
>not telling him to fuck off and that you're armed
>not taking cover and shooting him if he breaks in
>sticking your dick in crazy

Overall retard

>>33438689
Say that shit to my face pussy, get the fuck in my face and not behind a gun and see if you dont get your shit smacked up nigga

>>33425732
>It takes longer than three minutes to choke the chicken even with visual and audio aids.

Not if his sister was really hot.

>>33439311
kek you aren't Fletcher. Nice larp though, sounds just like the try hard bullshit you used to pull

>>33428766
well done bitch
>>33428776
is dat sum sour grapes trips fail?
>>33429086
>What was in the box?
Don't go changing /k/

>>33435765
>he has this thing where if you wake him up in an abrupt way he will lose his shit and start screeching like an autist
it sounds like your brother is autistic

>>33437982
You have the worst grammar. Please stop.

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>>33430988
>Is this a common American Past time?
Why yes...yes it is hitler. You jelly? People say America has no culture of it;s own, I say we are a blood culture and fucking good and proud of it.

>>33431030
Post scar or you're full of bull

>>33426157
Underrated

>>33431649
Post pics of your red ford truck with bird shot all other it

>>33428755
>speaking of guns
>/k/
what did he mean by this?

>>33440081
Agree

>Be me
>just come home from work
>yell that I'm home to my roommate
>Hear no response from her
>oh fuck
>pull out cc
>start clearing house
>Finally get to her room (in hindsight i should have checked there first)
>slowly open door just enough so I can see through the slit
>blood stain on the carpet
>oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck
>kick open door
>see her on the ground
>see the window open
>look out, there is no one
>get down and hold her head as i notice that's what was bleeding
>She opens her eyes
>ask if she's okay
>she says yeah, but asks what happened
>he came into the window, you were struck down, it was your doom
>Annie are you okay
>Are you okay
>ARE YOU OKAY ANNIE?

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>>33426564

>>33439392
should of ended his ass

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>be 23
>living with girlfriend
>in Australia so no guns
>hear window smash downstairs
>grab leatherman
>best weapon i have bit of a normie
>run downstairs
>see youths on my veranda
>chuck leatherman at them
>their ground harnesses break
>watch as they sail into the sun

>>33429596
You share a bed with your dad?

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>>33426157
my fucking sides

>>33440436
ya piece of shit

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>>33440436

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>>33440436
You got everyone but no one is responding because they would rather walk their dinosaurs than admit they instantly recognized the lyrics.
10/10.

>>33440436
Saw it comming at bloodstain on the carpet

>>33425618
When your sister was playing outisde i doubt bars in windows will help.

>>33425618
Germanfag here
live in refugee ghetto
how can i build one ?
can someone help ?

>be at home at computer
>see nigger in my backyard
>grab shotgun and run out
>get on the fucking ground
>he does
>call police
>they arrive
>take nigger and leave

>many moons ago
>in a mid atlantic city
>sleeping in bed with fiance
>her aweful lhasa apso starts sperging out
>dog freaks out over everything
>ignore it
>hear the doot being fucked with
>grab colt police positive that live in my drawer
>grab flashlight.
>go to door
>yell can i help you
>recieve no reply
>sound of door fuckery increases
>yell that i have a gun
>sounds stop hear footsteps
>open door to get a look at them
>young dindus
>they look back and see a fat white man in his boxers waving an old revolver.

>>33426564
never change /k/

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>>33440436
This thread haha well done 10/10

>>33434440
pics of it didn't happen. you would have a scar from a knife slice

>>33437982
The fuck, are you now 8/9 years old?
learn to grammar or even write a couple sentences that can be comprehended.

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Not my story but a story my girlfriend's parents told me about something that happened when she was a toddler

>early 90's in southern california
>GF is playing in back yard, yard has a fence that separates it from the road/sidewalk
>GF's dad is sitting on back porch reading newpaper and suddenly hears some rustling around the fence
>See's middle aged mexican man with a baby stroller looking through fence trying to beckon GF over
>Dad freaks out and starts screaming at the mexican asking what the fuck he was doing
>Mexican sees dad and imminently runs away leaving his baby stroller
>Dad runs out to chase him
>checks the stroller and notices it was empty the whole time


They have no idea what the hell was going on, most likely though the spic was trying to kidnap his daughter or was just some drugged up/crazy person who happened to be walking around with an empty baby stroller.

>>33431007
>reddit spacing
Your edge space is thataway

>>33440978
I chuckled

>>33439997
2nding this, not that I think you're bull, but because I wanna see the neighborhood watch symbol

>>33444526
>build one

Just spread your cheeks and accept your fate Hans.

>>33433936
>>33434207
Titties floppin n Shit

>>33425732
What the heck, it only takes me like 20 to 30 seconds, is this normal?

>>33445085
Kidnap her most likely, beaners and kikes have sick fetish for cute white children. Wanted to kidnap her, rape her and then force her to act like his daughter.

>>33429596
>mfw your dad calls it haji because it explodes.

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>>33445344
Holy shit.

>>33445085
Stroller is to make her trust him. Pretending to be a family man and all that

>>33425618
>Ten years since my Master Yokohama died at the hands of Kurokamikazi
>I had just gotten out of my Japanese high school classes and was doing my kamas in the dojo
>Suddenly the sun turns black in the sky and an evil chill is in the air
>1000 black spirit katanas are slicing at the dojo walls and I hear a voice
>"Come out here boy....I have your girlfriend Mitsuki...she was weak....I didn't have to use even 1% of my power heh.."
>Draw my dual wakazashi while explaining that she is just my friend and Samerai have no time for such things
>it begins.....

Nothing was ever the same again....

>>33430988
>Be midnight
>hear someone messing with storage door
>Tell dad, mom, brother, and sister.
>We fucking load up
>Dad has shotgun, mom has styler 9mm, I have my 1911, brother has M1 carbine, and sister has my .223 rifle.
>Sister waits behind our bar we have
>me and brother take the garden/backyard, parents take the front yard.
>see a guy trying to hide in the bushes
>Me and bro yell at him
>he sprints
>runs right infront of my parents
>he pisses himself

He was some drug addict trying to steal our tools, the look on his face was priceless with 4 guns trained on him. 10/10 would oper8 with family again.

>>33437982
No clue what the fuck you're trying to say.

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>>33445541
Thank you anon, that made me smile.

>>33435304
Did ya beat it when ya could?

>>33445321
For a taticool operator yes

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>>33430988
I was gonna say no, but then I remembered that we used to sit around practicing with our guns while watching football games, and drilled about who goes for which guns if someone tries to break in (Dad goes for 20-gauge, little brother goes for AR, I go for the Jericho).

So yeah, I guess it is a pretty American thing.

>>33428755

A Rem 870 or a Mossberg 500 are both foolproof shotguns for a decent price

>>33440436
Smooth..

>>33440436
I don't get it.

>>33446315
You've been hit by

>>33446342
I get it now.

Still don't know any of the words other than that line tho.

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>>33446381
Liar, you're hearing the song over and over in your head right now.

>>33447763
Not him, but it took me a good 2 minutes to figure it out, too.

>>33438993
>>tells me how I wouldn't be able to go home if I had shot the man
>>realize how stupid it was and apologize
I'm confused.
What was the stupid part in pulling out a gun against a screaming madman with a machete?

>>33448064
The part where he was in the Philippines

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>>33438993
>still wonder what the fuck he did to the guy
I think you know exactly what that guy went through

>>33440978
Goddammit anon. Kek

>10pm on saturday night in oregon
>wife on tablet while I game GTA5
>car pulls into driveway, turns lights off, keeps engine running
>spot car before it stops but didnt see when it came in
>look, dont recognize car or expect visitors
>tell wife, she goes straight for gunlocker while I make sure front door is locked
>wife gets her g22 i already had my 96F on me
>we close blinds, turn off lights and sweep house, locking all doors and windows as we pass them
>set wife in garage and have her keep pointed at the car from soft cover
>holster sidearm with maglight to see whats going on
>some twitchy older lady with washington plates
>immediately starts babbling about picking up her nephew at a nearby park but there are cops and her nephew doesnt like cops
>ask lady to kindly gtfo my driveway, cops have already been called
>lady puts car in reverse and some tweaker jumps out from behind my trashcans and gets into her car
>scream HOLD FIRE as I can see wife ready to blast mother fuckers
>back up look around to see if any more tweakers nearby
>lady turns on headlights lights and sees wife aiming directly at her then peels out down the street
>call cops and tell them some tweakers were in my driveway, give license plate and description, hear nothing about it ever

looking back I shouldn't have left the house, I could have easily been shot if the tweaker was packing. He wasn't close enough to get to me, trashcans were on opposite side of garage, about 50 feet from where I was. My wife had a clear shot on both of them, but I would have still been fucked.

>>33445541
how long did you keep him as a rape toy, hillbilly?

>>33430948
Ya dun good

>>33431007
Brutal

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not really a self defense story, so much of scaring the fuck out of some homeless nigger that doesn't know what personal space is.
>be me, 2014
>19 at this point
>have a summer ceremony of going down the road to the store pick up some ice cream with my mother
>i live in the cucked state of maryland
>anylengthpocketknife?SHiieet.jpg
>we are walking down road to druggie ridden convenience store
sit on curb enjoying cone
>old ass nigga asks for money if he raps to us
>"no thanks"
>he looks like we shot his dog
>ok thanks anyway
>walkin home
>hey yall you know wha-
>someone grabs my shoulder
>twirl around kick him in ditch and pull Talwar out
>do video related
>nigs out
>mom still upset i did it.

sometimes i find it hard to believe she carried a .357

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxveart-shs

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>>33437982
Are you posting from another dimension?

>>33430948
Are you my ex boyfriend?

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>>33445344

I'll preface this by saying that no contact ever occurred

sis got a domestic violence protection order against ex husband, he vaguely threatened to kill her, she moved in with our grandma. ex thought she was at my place for the weekend, so I expected him to show up here armed. stood up all night Thursday standing watch with my AR, skipped school Friday, did it again then. By the time Sunday morning rolled around I called it off. I was giving my senpai armed escorts outside so the dogs could shit, which was pretty funny looking back on it.

It's just a very weird / stressful feeling to expect a break-in at any time. we all prepare and accept the fact it can happen, but to just simply expect one to occur at any second is really weird.

>>33452736
replace senpai with family. I guess that's a thing now.

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>>33440436

>>33445085

beans here, con confirm was gonna kidnap, I hate living around these fucks

>>33450715
You finally shaving your asshole too or you still cavewomanning it?

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Ohhh Shiiiiittttt!!!

This thread is for moi!!

Keep her safe and alive as I drag out a camera cable and settle in for storytime.

Get ur cocao ready!

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>>33453239

Perhaps the tamest of of stories but very recent...

>Walking the after hour bar life blocks away from my home
>I really just can't sleep and I like to ensure no one catches a charge or is too seriously injured
>Girl I've assisted several times runs up to me inebriated and wraps her arms around my waist
>Oh my God! 'Guardian Angel' I love you!! Thank you!!
>No worries sweetie, you safe and on the way home?
>Suddenly a duff w/ Mossy Oak approaches knowing his cock could be effectively blocked
>The fuck you doing?
>I lost my cool and told him off and laughed like a fool
>A wild black girlfriend appears
>2 minutes of trying to cool and assess sit
>Black girl chimps out suddenly about her "friend" who is wrapped around my waist and thanking me again and again
>Tell her to go talk to fudd so I can calm her friend
>Black and moreover girl just goes violent
>Women
>Laughing and protecting my genitalia
>She got a nice jab on my nose followed by a wild blow to my trachea and I was.. unhappy
>I go to pull her to the ground knowing I'll face Fudd & Co. in moments thereafter
>Her fucking weave is loose!!!
>I yank it off and say: This is mine now
>Walk away with it high in the left and middle finger right raised

Modern day scalping. Still has perfume on it.

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>>33434303
>it's pretty much impossible to defend oneself from a knife.
Not if you know the basics of weapon disarms.

>>33448558
>I think you know exactly what that guy went through
Being told that he was an idiot and nearly got shot by a scared kid?
And that he should clean up the broken glass because kids are playing there and some girl cut her leg and does he really want her parents/brothers coming to beat the shit out of him for it?

>>33450288
>implying he's not still in their basment.

Remember anon, a lot of hillbillies know how to raise animals.

>>33434303
>it's pretty much impossible to defend oneself from a knife

From a competent attacker, sure, but we're talking about nigs here, with a bit of luck and/or training you can probably disarm one easily

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>>33434303

You are a retard.

Seems plausible. Adrenaline goes and he stomped em... plus the checking of pockets adds to plsuibiltity...


I hope I get a shot at showing you how "pretty much impossible to defend oneself from a knife" it is.

I'll only cut one of your testicles off but I bet the other one won't work after my alley surgery nor do I think it'd be anything the world needs if it does.

>>33431007
nice larp loser

>>33453135
God I forgot about that guy, why would you remind me?

>>33453570
>Not if you know the basics of weapon disarms.
This anon gets it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U90dnUbZMmM