lying at meps

>>33307056

Yeah, but it was a long term thing.

Dude lied about smoking weed having a surgery that put pins in his leg. Eleven years into active duty he get slotted to go for OSI. He decided to have "integrity" and tell the truth about his marijuana use prior to joining. The osi agent doing his package notices the discrepancy and asks if he made a mistake. Dude says no he just wants to tell the truth. His package is put on hold and he gets slotted for my deployment team as the flight chief, he is an e6 during all of this.

We get deployed together and during training he fucks his leg up, gets sent home. Medical notices pins and he admits lying to meps.

By this time OSI is pulling his medical record for his cross train and see the annotation in the medical records.


This dude had eleven years in, considered high speed and was going to be a legit federal agent and they butt fucked him HARD.

I don't remember the articles but he got charged duty breach of contract, lying on official statements, and got admin discharged. All of this for not keeping his lie about weed straight.


Moral of the story, don't lie about medical shit they can prove you had wrong prior. If you lie about drug use you stick with what you said until you seperate.

I was worried about lying at MEPS about having an inhaler as a kid and breaking a few bones until I finished boot camp

Shit even the guy in >>33308804 was in for 11 years before they found out

>>33307056
Lied about my suicidal depression. About a year and a half in I sought help from a platoon mate and I got counseling and I'm fine, I didn't get kicked out.

>>33307056
I told the doc I had a 9 inch penis, didnt realize they stuck a finger in your butt.. awkward.

I lied about smoking and then got put with an intel job. Didn't go well

>>33310438
>I lied about smoking and then got put with an intel job. Didn't go well
wha happen

>>33307056
>some dude in basic
>supposed to be on serious psych meds.
>lied and got in.
>recruiter allegedly helped.
>lasted three or four days.
>hit a drill sergeant.
>left on a stretcher.

allegedly they chaptered him out for failure to adapt, but reamed the recruiters ass to the point where he could pass a pineapple whole without any discomfort at all. at least according to some of the drill sergeants several weeks later.

>>33310468
When I got to BMT I found out I had gotten stuck with an intel AFSC for some reason, and also found out that you get a polygraph when you get to tech school. Decided to purposefully fail my PT test rather than risk drug fraud. Was incredibly embarassing and really threw my life off track, my advice would be to not lie in the first place. I'm planning on trying for a waiver and reenlistment, and definitely gonna tell the truth this time around

>>33307056
in my AF basic flight a trainee got booted because his recruiter lied about him smoking weed. He had told his recruiter that he had smoked weed but the recruiter lied for him with out his knowledge and when he did his Top Secret interviews he said he had smoked weed and out he went. It was all very sudden and a surprise since he was one of the more respectable trainees and was an element leader. he was also Haitian with a thick accent which was neat.

>talking to army recruiter at 18
>figure i should be honest on questionnaire, don't know how much effort they'd go through to check my shit at MEPs
>later realize i could have told them anything short of being a woman and gotten away with it
>admit to a suicide attempt when i was 13, had to spend two weeks and a birthday in a psych place
>immediately disqualified, but recruiter says he can work with me if i get a letter from my counselor that makes it sound more vauge and easy to half-truth
>counselor refuses

i've thought about trying the air force but i don't know if that shit is on record across branches somehow or not. being dumb sucks you guys

>>33310608
So I'm okay with lying about this kind of thing as long as I don't enlist into a position that needs a sec clearance?

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I'm in a situation that I'll have to have 2 waivers probably one for having surgery in my left ear to get rid of a non benign tumor (cholestiotoma) and the other for scoliosis but it is very mild and chiropractor suggest I don't tell them
am I going to make it . I really want to be 11x

>>33308804
>>33310438
>>33310667

Why do people lie about this? I smoked a few times in college, got a drug waiver, and it never came up again. As long as you aren't smoking while on active duty I really don't think anyone cares.

>>33307056

Never officially got called out on it, but I know I could.

Entering MEPs I said I never did any drugs, ever. This was a big lie, but I knew it would be stupid to admit to something they couldn't prove I'd done. It would only open up more lines of questioning and could possibly disqualify me. I had done just about every drug under the sun prior to my enlistment, so I knew it WOULD disqualify me, so why even mention casual marijuana use? I remember listening to some guy ahead of me telling the doctor he'd smoked weed like 5 times, tried cocaine twice, ate shrooms once, I rolled my eyes at this.

Anyway, fast forward 5 years and I'm at SFAS (SF assessment and selection), and they basically keep you up late as fuck and you're tired, THEN they have you take the IQ test and then answer questions about yourself. At this point your discretion and inhibitions are lowered, your judgment isn't quite as sound, and I admitted to minor drug usage (though I really downplayed the extent of my usage). I ended up rolling my ankle on the land nav and got disqualified before the psych test could ever come into question, and I never went back.

So now I'm in local law enforcement, and it's occurred to me that if I were ever in the position to try to go federal, or move up into a position that required a Top Secret clearance, that this quite probably could be discovered, and then what? I could say I was tired and thought it would be funny to write that down, after all there's nothing on there about signing and swearing to my answers, and no official application I've ever turned in have I ever mentioned drug usage, but this would probably be enough to prevent me from getting my clearance.

My internet browsing history would probably be the obvious red flag for disqualification, anyway. Think they give TS clearances to people who visit 4chan?

>>33310752
I lied because I was told that drug use was a disqualifying factor, and my stupid ass believed it. I didn't feel bad about it at the time, cause it was almost a year before my enlistment and I had completely stopped, but boy do I regret it now. Feel free to call me retarded now

>>33310707
I wouldn't recommend it familam, I didn't think I would get intel when I went in

>>33310830
And yet all the posts so far ITT seem to have a common theme of "you won't get caught if you lie, unless you cuck yourself"

>>33310608
You blew it. I know guys who have done WAY worse that obtained/kept TS clearances. There was literally no reason for you do that. Even if they had caught you on the poly (and that's a big if given that the test itself isn't focused on trivial nonsense like weed smoking) it really would not have mattered. In all likelyhood they wouldn't have given a shit. At WORST they could deny you your clearance (and I've never heard of anyone getting denied for something so insignificant), but that's about it. Given the extreme inherent unreliability of polygraph exams, the idea that you could in any type of real legal trouble based on the results of one is absurd. I hate to defer to Reddit, but the posters in this Reddit thread seem to have a clearer sense of how these things actually work.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Military/comments/1r86u8/dont_lie_on_your_enlistment_paperwork/#bottom-comments

>>33310608

You fucked up. The polygraph isn't that hard to beat. Read up on how it works, squeeze your butthole for the right questions, stick to your lies no matter how much they try to get you to admit the truth, and you're good to go.

>>33310844
>>33310856
I'm kinda realizing this now, but oh well, it's too late. I was in basic with no access to this information, and I was young and very nervous, so I took what I percieved as the safest option. I regret it, but I'm living a good life in the civilian world, so I don't really mind it

>>33310874
Holy shit no, don't try to do this. This is literally the worst thing you could do.

>>33310874
>squeeze your butthole for the right questions

YOu mean squeeze your ass when you're lieing?

>>33310844

Pretty much. You won't get caught for this particular lie, unless you cuck yourself. The could-have-been-intel guy cucked himself, and he'll cuck himself again when he tells the truth the second time around and they catch his first lie and STILL don't let him in.

Lie about your drug usage. If you have to take a polygraph, read up on how it works and defeat it which is incredibly easy if you're semi-intelligent and you polygraph examiner is an amateur (most are). Just know which questions are supposed to give a physiological response and fake it for those (i.e. are you a good person? you're supposed to be "flustered" by shit like that, and they expect you to "lie" and say yes, this means the test is working), lie your ass off on questions about drug usage with confidence knowing that the test is only detecting if you're flustered or not, and even if you are you can still lie and continue to lie and deny deny deny, because nobody can make you admit the truth and there's a reasonable expectation that you might be nervous about a false positive, so you can tell the examiner that you're worried the machine will throw you under the bus for no reason and you'll lose out on this job. The point of a polygraph is to weed people out by getting them to admit to shit.

>>33307056
When I was in AIT one of the guys who was in training with me told me he was hiding the fact he had a heart attack prior to joining. He showed me the meds he was getting from a civilian doctor.

He told me this because I shared with him how my own father had a heart attack in his 30s and it really limited his active lifestyle. The meds were indeed a number of the same meds my father was on.

What a fucking retard.

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>>33310947
>tfw forever cucked

>always wanted to serve in the military
>have moderate medical problems that I can't do anything about but are pretty much invisible just looking at me
>family member arranges a meeting with a recruiter anyway because raisins
>kinda iffy about it but meet 'em anyway
>chill dude, but seems kinda sketchy
>recruiter tells me to lie about pretty much everything during the whole process and I'll get in for sure
>real uncomfortable with it, but go along with it anyways because SERVICE GUARANTEES CITIZENSHIP
>everything goes fine
>fit in pretty much perfectly with all the other recruits
>do amazing on the ASVAB and can pick pretty much and MOS I want
>hyped, but still kinda iffy about lying to get in
>get to MEPS
>uncomfortableness gets to me hard
>really starting to feel guilty
>honestly think about someone getting killed because of me and my lie
>conscience_intensifies.jpg
>come clean about medical shit while at MEPS
>pulled out and aside by personnel
>get questioned by a doctor
>he's is completely aghast that someone like me could even get half as far as did
>get chewed out by everyone there for lying and generally being a POS
>only real options in terms of confession are to say either I lied of my own accord or that my recruiter told me to lie
>either option feels pretty shitty
>apparently my recruiter was a pretty respected guy
>rat him out anyway because it was the truth [spoiler]and I wanted to cover my own ass[/spoiler]
>get barred from service in the branch I was going to go into anyway
>even after appealing my case I was still denied service
feels batman
A friend of mine just got out of basic a few months ago too. I'll admit I was a little more jealous that I should have been. It stung pretty hard.

>>33310909

You're absolutely retarded, no it's not.

>>33310910

The polygraph test isn't very complicated, it only measures your physiological response to questions and if supposed to tell the examiner when you're nervous. This means YOU need to believe that it works and can detect a lie. So when you start the test, they give you some big spiel, tell you about how infallible the contraption is, and then set you up like this:

They sit you down, strap you in, then tell you they need to calibrate the machine. They ask you to be honest about a few questions: your name, where you were born, etc. Then they ask you to tell a lie about something, like "are you superman?" Then they tell you it's working.

Holy shit, now the guy can tell when you're lying, right? Now supposedly you believe in it. If you really want to draw the interviewer in, you can be like "oh wow, that's so cool. haha, that's crazy how amazing that machine is" and make them think you really believe in it.

Then they move on to some questions which are actually meant to test if you have a physiological response to "tough" questions. "Are you a good person?" "Have you ever hurt anyone?" "Have you ever told a lie?" Obviously if you're mentally healthy then you should think you're a good person, but you might have doubt and give a little "flutter", which reads on the machine. This is when you squeeze your taint, to really give the interviewer a strong reading. They'll be like "holy shit, when this guy lies it's so obvious."

Then they ask the real questions, "have you ever done drugs?" You say no with confidence, knowing the machine is bullshit. Maybe you're nervous though, but you don't give off as big a response as when you squeezed your butthole earlier, so it doesn't look like much. Maybe the interviewer gets curious and asks additional questions though, but you stick to your lies.

>>33310804
Oppenheimer prolly has a clearance.

>>33311027
What medical problems do you have?

>>33311063

So don't squeeze your butthole when you're lying. Squeeze it during the "control" questions (are you a good person, have you ever hurt anyone, etc).

>>33311011
did the drills never toss your bunks? how did he hide heart meds for 8-20 weeks?

>>33311108
Bad eyes. Nearsightedness, blindspots, etc. Even had a retinal detachment in one eye; it's fixed now, but I still got the buckle in there to prove it happened [spoiler](this in particular happened long after the MEPS shit however)[/spoiler].
Anyway, all this shit combined really affects my ability to aim a rifle since my central vision is warped at the best of times. Plus I had a lot of my peripheral vision gone in one eye at the time. [spoiler]Now I'm lucky enough to have some of it gone in BOTH eyes. Lucky me.[/spoiler]

>>33310608
Wow, what an idiot!. As long as you don't admit to anything the worst they can do to you for failing a polygraph is slot you into a different MOS that doesn't require a security clearance. half the people I knew in bootcamp failed their polygraph. The worst that happened to any of them was one of them was thrown into a food service MOS.

>>33311224
[spoiler]Are spoilers disabled on /k/? It's been a long while since I posted here.[/spoiler]

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it is very hard to get kicked out once they have spent the money to train you. That being said. When Former President Obama needed to gut the military. Any excuse was used you went to medical once for like anything. They would kick you out. Do not lie. They check 1 in like 10,000 applicants. Your recruiter is probably full of shit. he will just be like he did not tell me and you will be shit out of luck.

>>33311236
It gets even more dangerous with no depth perception. Shit's like a Red Ryder: It'll put your eye out.

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>>33311247
that being said they probably are going to just slap you on the wrist. Still potential employers will see it. There is a waiver for anything

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>>33311247
>>33311258
So should I or shouldn't I lie?

>>33310804
>So now I'm in local law enforcement
How was the polygraph for that? I've been worried that some of my more questionable porn habits and
>My internet browsing history
will come up.

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>>33311281
thats up to you killer... My advice is not to lie

>>33311281

About drug usage? Lie. Major surgery and you still have pins and needles and other pieces of metal in you? Don't lie. This isn't difficult. Can they dig up the paper trail? Don't lie. Are they going to dig up the paper trail? if not, then lie. If you're getting a top secret clearance you can expect them to hit up every hospital where you've ever lived to see if you've been a patient there or maybe gotten an ambulance ride. If your hospital shreds your records after so many years then you should be good to go. If that ambulance ride is on your credit report you're fucked, though.

Just things to consider. Think like an investigator and what might be investigated (if you get a job that requires a TOP SECRET clearance). Secret isn't hard to get and just involves a normal background check and maybe calling your previous employers and family members to see if you're a shithead.

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>>33311329
looking on 4chan to see whether or not to lie

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>>33311329
i had a Marine fail his security check. He as from Cuba living in L.A. Kid had no family, Friends or anything. They denied him and sent him to be Motor Transport instead

>>33311329
>Drug usage?
>Are they going to dig up the paper trail?
hmmm

I know a lad who enlisted in the Navy as helo mech and he had an arrest for possession. So I guess still just lie about it, or what?

>>33311375

Yeah, they're not gonna give a security clearance to someone who has nothing to investigate and is literally a "who?" They need some background, schooling, grades, police records, references, etc. It sucks if he was a good guy, but all they really knew about him was that he came from a communist shithole.

>>33311329
>Can they dig up the paper trail?
>Are they going to dig up the paper trail?
>If you're getting a top secret clearance you can expect them to hit up every hospital where you've ever lived to see if you've been a patient there or maybe gotten an ambulance ride.

You're medical records literally are protected not just under doctor patient confidentiality, but also under the privacy act,. The only way they can look up your med records is if you sign a med records release form which you do not do in he enlistment papers. and even then they would have to find the hospital/s you may have been admitted to because there is no national medical records database.

>>33311385

That would pop up on an NICS background check, which they do at a minimum. Don't lie about shit you've actually been caught by the police for. If you just went to the hospital for a marijuana overdose, then they won't dig that up for a regular enlistment. If you're getting a clearance, and a police report was opened up for you marijuana overdose which has your name on it, you may never have been arrested for this incident or charged or convicted, so this wouldn't pop up on an NICS background check for a regular enlistment, but the person conducting the background check will undoubtedly do a police report record check and dig up this incident, and then check the hospital records and find the blood results for your marijuana usage.

See what I mean? What are YOU going to be doing for the military matters. Your history matters. If you have dirt that can be dug up via a paper trail somewhere, you've already limited yourself, so get used to grunt work. If you're the only person that knows about the time you stole that watch, or smoked that spliff, then lying might be right for you.

>>33311247
that looks too much like a 29 stumps armory

>>33311441
Ok but what if I want to be a helo mech too?

Do I need to "not lie" about that/need a clearance as well?

the point of MEPs is to prevent undesirables from entering the military. If you feel like you have to lie. Do us all a favor and stay home. I am sorry

>>33311404

They make you sign a form saying they can dig up your medical records. If you don't sign it, you don't get the clearance. You haven't done anything wrong, per se, but you can't get that sweet MOS or job you want. Once you sign the paper, they just check the major hospitals where you lived, or ones that have popped up on your credit report, or the ambulance services to see if they've ever given you a ride and to where.

It's time consuming and costly, but TS clearances are an investment.

>>33311443
hello fellow sufferer

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>>33311443
ding ding ding visiting unit though.

>>33311462
>They make you sign a form saying they can dig up your medical records.
No, they do not. Whoever told you this lied.

>>33311454

What would you be lying about? The mechanics only have a secret clearance, which really isn't shit. It depends on what you need to lie about, and whether it would disqualify you. Minor marijuana usage? Probably not, but expect to be asked to elaborate about your marijuana usage, how many times, any other drugs present, last time you used it, other crimes you may have committed. Any hallucinogens will disqualify, most hard drugs will disqualify.

This is why I say it's mostly best to lie about drug usage. Most young people who are trying to join the military have probably recently quit smoking, with not enough time elapsed to be considered "over it" in the military's eyes (I don't know how long that would be, probably longer than a year or two). Just lie about drug usage if you've never been arrested or caught or had a police report opened in your name.

And never change your fucking story, ever.

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>>33307056

Me and the two other guys I went with lied. One had a fucking metal rod in his arm he didn't tell them about it and I know he made it to MCT. I lied about being diagnosed with autism and the other guy was a drug thing I think.

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>>33311489
not that guy. but I enlisted in October 2011 at the time I signed a form saying pretty much that. Recruiter said it was a scare tactic though. Turns out it is only ever done in "random" samples

>>33311489

Yes, they fucking do. It's a "catch all" form similar to a power of attorney which grants them permission to access any of your records at any institution ever, and lists financial institutions, hospitals and doctor offices, schools, law enforcement, employers, etc. The list goes on.

>>33311508
So if I have been arrested for possession, I could still theoretically get a position as a helo mech as long as I don't lie?

>>33310910
No, squeeze the person asking the question's ass when you're lying.

>>33311512
Enlisted in 2012 at an age older than the normal enlistee. Literally read every single paper I ever signed word for word twice. No such form was ever presented to me. The closest thing was a form confirming that I understood that I would be subject to possible legal repercussion if I had lied about anything on my medical history.

>>33311527

Yeah, don't lie. Worst they can tell you is no, but lying will definitely be a no.

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>>33311554
What kind of "grunt work" can I expect to do if I get told no but still want to enlist

>>33311522
>Yes, they fucking do.
NO! They DON'T. What they make you sign is a form that acknowledges that you understand that they "could" access your records via the Patriot Act but if they are invoking that then you are currently the target of a very serious investigation. They are not going to get permission to look up your med records via the patriot act just to see if you are lying.

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>>33311535
do people not read them? Well that is cool man I am just telling you. That when I signed mine they gave me the DOD permission to get into your medical records with that form. To get around the confidentiality of HIPPA and other things. They gave it to me almost as an after thought after the initial packet.

>>33311580

They won't for 99% of assholes enlisting. People getting a TS clearance sign an entirely different piece of paper, and they probably will dig into your background. At a minimum they will dig up your credit report, school records, past employer records, medical records they find out about, local law enforcement records, and interview immediate family, friends and roommates. There's more but I forgot. They probably check ISP records, too.

>>33307056
>>>/meg/

>>33310804
Two questions:
1. They still do an IQ test for SF?
2. Does your internet browsing history actually come up during a background for TS, and if so, do they subpoena your ISP for info?

>>33310804
>Think they give TS clearances to people who visit 4chan?
Yes.

On phone so no green text but I looked into joining the army reserves a few years ago. I might have had exercise induced asthma or it was just poor air quality at home as a kid. Anyway, I suggested it to the recruiter. He sends me to meps at a naval Base because he knows the doctor there is going to approve just about anyone. Rather than actually test and focus on my potential disqualifier, I just go through the most basic of medical screening.
Anyway I got approved but didn't end up joining. I think anyone involved in the military is lying about something based on this experience and things said on here.

>>33310874
>>33311063
>MUH BUTTHOLE SQUEEZING
Did you take the test back in the 70's or some shit? Every single modern poly examiner is going to have you sit on a pressure pad designed specifically to thwart this outdated bullshit. Furthermore, since this is literally the oldest polygraph related trick in the book (next to a thumbtack in your shoe) every examiner is going to be trained to spot it with ease.
http://lafayettepolygraph.com/products/seat-activity-sensor
>>33311109
Don't do it at all. Avoid attempting physical countermeasures. Unless you know that you can execute them properly (and how would you, given that you'll likely never have a chance to practice them on an actual machine before you take the test?) all that will happen is that you'll fuck up the whole test and make yourself look far more suspicious than you need to. Just stay calm/loose and lie regularly. If pressed, stick to your lie. Or alternatively, you can just admit to smoking weed a handful of times back in high school because it's really not that serious and they care far less than you think. They're trying to catch people with major psych/medical/criminal issues and potential traitors, not high school weed smokers.

>>33311994

They won't catch anyone with anti social personality disorder or borderline personality disorder because lying calmly and confidently is their natural state of existence.

Or maybe that's who they want...

>>33311027
good on you for ratting out the recruiter

shitbirds like that are no-one's friend

>>33311375
>He as from Cuba living in L.A. Kid had no family, Friends or anything
You mean he was sent by Cuba to be a sleeper agent and infiltrate the military?

Ties to the community are an important part of background checks.

>>33311385
>in the Navy as helo mech and he had an arrest for possession
There's no real reason why he couldn't get a waiver for that. Lying about an arrest is stupid though.

Lying about smoking weed behind the shelter shed is fine.

>>33307056
I had childhood asthma, I have bad eyes, and I had wisdom teeth removal surgery. My recruiter told me not to even bother mentioning the childhood asthma, I got a prescription for my bad eyes to bring to MEPS, and I don't think I'm going to mention my wisdom teeth removal because it isn't disqualifying. I'm interested in eventually working for the CIA which will require top secret security clearance. I'm conflicted about not mentioning the childhood asthma to MEPS. Should I list it and risk being DQed? I don't want to seem like I'm lying because I was told by my recruiter not to mention it because it doesn't matter. I also don't want the CIA to do their background investigation and discover that I served in the military with a disqualifying medical record and that I didn't tell MEPS about my childhood asthma and then they find some way to absolutely ruin my life or deny me entry because of it. I don't actually know how to handle this situation.

>be me 18 out riding relation's new quad
>cop shows and stars asking questions
>we are arrested for unothorized use of a motor vehicle
>in front of judge and owner is like "it was that one dun did it" points to relation
>you're free to go anon
>be 19 and talking with recruiter
>hand over police records
>recruiter "it's no problem anon"
>enlist and finish HS
>at meps day before I fly to boot
>recruiter "everything good to go anon"
>at boot 9 of 9 on the weaponeer
>1st LT "that's some good shooting pvt anon"
>"you've done some soothing before"
>me "ty sir, yes sir"
>LT "wait... pvt anon... seems I have some paperwork on my desk, you forgot to put something on your application" turns walks off
>WTF?!?
>that night after making camp find DS
>"DS permission to speak" "ya talk anon"
>"DS what was LT talking about"
>"well anon... looks like they were processing your security clearance and found an arrest on your record" ... "that's all I'm going to say get back to the platoon"
>FFW a week sitting in the jag office "sorry anon you signed the papers and that is falsifying enlistment"
>back home pissed goto recruiting station, recruiter no longer lives there

>got to do basic and go home, one of the best times of my life

>>33312330
How was your discharge handled? was it less than honorable, general, or what? Were you fined?

>>33311297
they ask you about sites you go to and that's it
i left 4chan off my interview and no one gave a shit

>>33312346
unit level, uncharaterized

found out later I could have re-enlisted

>>33311673
>People getting a TS clearance sign an entirely different piece of paper,

Ah! Well this admittedly falls outside the purview of my experience.

>>33312017
in this one department a guy got through the whole shebang, polygraph, 7 year background check, references, all that shit. guy had a nervous breakdown after like a month
lolwhoops

>>33311281
Lie

>>33310807
I lied about using drugs. Been in almost 5 years and still don't give a fuck. Might even reup for a few more years.

>>33311630
>do people not read them?
You honestly expect children straight out of high school to read a hundred some odd pages of enlistment papers? I was in my Mid twenties when I enlisted. I was older than most of my drill instructors. Two things that my recruiters saw that impressed them. One they had not, in their time as recruiters, seen someone actually take the time to read each and every paper before signing. And Two they had never, in their time as recruiters, seen an enlistee my age pass the background check with zero criminal record.

>>33311935
>I think anyone involved in the military is lying about something based on this experience and things said on here.

There are only two types of people at meps. Those that lie at meps and those that lie about not lieing. I had a heart murmur as an infant. Get to meps, " have you ever been diagnosed with a heart murmur? Nope!" big shit eating grin.

I honestly do not know how I got approved though. I have a 3 inch scar on my abdomen from an intestinal blockage surgery when I was an infant, they never asked for medical records. Not that there would have been any some 2 and a half decades later. But the big thing was I had a strawberry sized tumor growing on my ribs. Doc asks how long it's been there, it's ben there for 10 years, pretty sure it's a lipoma. Doc signs off on it and 5 months later im standing on yellow footprints. My First visit to medical at bootcamp they see the tumor and WTF.JPEG pops up on the docs eyes. Apparently I was suppose to have a waiver for it but the docs at meps dropped the ball and didn't report it properly. I owe my enlistment to a MEPS doc that screwed up and Didn't report a disqualifier.

>>>33311630
>>do people not read them?
>You honestly expect children straight out of high school to read a hundred some odd pages of enlistment papers?

that is what got me, that shirt looked like war and peace to me. Not to mention they were like let's hurry up and get this done.

>>33307056
Yup, judge said military can't find sealed records, turns out they can, pretty gay.

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>>33307056
>the they go through my internet history
>tfw I have to explain Futanari

"I play soccer at national level"

Kid can't run, can't lift, can't coordinate , no useful skills.

"What team did you play with?"
"Xbox."

>>33312453
>they were like let's hurry up and get this done.
The MEPS people were very much like that. They were annoyed to say the least when I kept telling them "I'm still reading". I don't blame them though, the amount of people they have to process any given day must be exhausting, compounded further by the fact that most of them are retarded ass teenagers.

My Recruiters however were very understanding that I wanted to read every single page before I signed anything.

>>33312471
>>tfw I have to explain Futanari

As if that's the worst thing in your internet history

>>33312509
>>33312471
How far back does that whole internet history thing go because I've jerked off to some pretty weird shit and browsed some very weird websites in the past.

>>33312539
I've often said I'd rather be caught jerking off than be caught watching what I was jerking off to.

>have shit childhood
>been depressed for years
>only thing that kept me going was knowing id join the military
>loved every aspect of military "culture and history"
>started worked non shit job out of hs
>finally for the first time in my life im happy for any significant amount of time
>get laid off
>decide nows the time to enlist
>go to recruiters
>start talking to them
>no one cares or gives a shit
>push through
>reserve a spot in a intelligence mos
>fuck yes
>mom wanted me to be a ammunition specialist or water treatment specialist
>had a bunch of surgery on my foot and really bad pneumonia when i was kid
>recruiters keep fucking literally everything up
>have to fill out paper work 3 or 4 times
>day for MEPS finally comes
>head recruiter pulls me into his office
>i need you to go over your medical records and confirm them
>ok
its not my record, it has my name but nothing in my handwriting including my signature thats forged
>this inst my medical record sir
>yeah it is
>NO ITS NOT
>hey do want to join or what?
>y-yes
>no one cares about this its fine
>but i dont want to lie, they'll know i had surgery from the scars on my foot
dont really remember the conversation word for word but i was nervous and he managed to convince me to lie

more to come

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So, if there was a draft during a war, would the military suddenly refuse to take people that were depressed or smoked pot? I think there would suddenly be a boatload of newly-confessed suicidal addicts in our society.

>>33312568
they'd get shuttled off to be things like forklift drivers, dfac cooks, and laundry specialists where they wouldn't be able to fuck things up too much or shoot themselves. let the guys who can pull a trigger, even as fodder, go forward

>>33312568
No they would relax or suspend a lot of disqualifiers.

IF a war ever came down to requiring a draft again then at that point it's a game of attrition and you're just throwing bodies at the problem until you gain the upper hand.

>>33307056
They do it all the time.

Lying about prior drug use is a big one. Also people lie about prior joint injuries, tough it out through basic, and then claim its an entirely new injury.

>>33312556
Post more my man I'm interested.

>>33312556
>after a hour and a half of waiting everyone gets here and we get into one of the recruiters cars
>get given a bus voucher to my states capital
>drive for 6 or 7 hours to MEPS
>i have no clue where im going
>only find out from the gps on my phone
>MEPS ends up being like 2 states over from mine
>ends up being late afternoon when we get there
>nervous as fuck
>take my ASVAB
>still no one knows whats going on or what we can and cant do
>get treated like shit all afternoon
>whatever its the military
>over all the first day went fine
>get to the hotel after me and 3 other guys take another mystery bus ride to the hotel
>everyone's cool as shit, we all play xbox and shoot the shit till curfew
>feels good man
>dont sleep all night cause im paranoid about lying and if i scored high enough on the ASVAB

I got rejected for a sealed record, the part that pisses me of isn't that I got rejected which I understand, but the point they made me hang around and show up for weekly PT for 5 fucking months before they said no waiver for me. Made me miss out on going to college immediately, fucking Muhreens.

>>33312654
How'd it all go?

>>33312687
>I got rejected for a sealed record
You didn't get rejected for a sealed record. You got rejected for what was in said sealed record. They made you hang around for 5 months because getting a record unsealed for military enlistment purposes takes a long fucking time. And you either lied about what was in said record or they couldn't get a waiver for what was in said record and they couldn't start the waiver process until after they received the unsealed record.

>>33312654
>day 2 comes and we finally get some insight into the days plans and rules
>talk to a career consular that wanted nothing to do with me or anything really
>tells me a have a 0 percent chance of passing the DLAB (needed for my mos) and not to cry in his office when i find out, he also wont tell me my ASVAB score
>o-ok
>do medical stuff
>no big deal
>come to the part when we go over our records all together in a classroom
>a half hour of
if you lie we'll find out
if your recruiter told you to lie and you do you're the one that will get in trouble
if you lie and we dont find out it here it will be at basic and you'll get in legal trouble and be interrogated by drill Sargent's till they find out the truth
11 percent of people get kicked out of basic for lying
if we some how you make it past basic we will get jail time
>freaking out
>i still go along with the lie cause ive gone to far to back out now and i really didnt have a option

>>33312711
No, bullshit, I went to the town clerk and got the record within a week of having them request it, complete with everything in it. They proceeded to ask me for various bullshit in relation every few weeks (character references, therapist records ect.) over the course of 5 months constantly dangling the waiver carrot in front of my face until finally some fucking psychiatrist who never so much as spoke to me decided I was unfit for duty based on records from years before hand when I was 16.

I don't mind the fact they denied me, I mind the fact they wasted 5 months of my time on stupid bullshit and had me run around retrieving all this garbage just so some fuck in an office who never met me can decide whats best.

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>>33312738
what you do thought

>>33312750
Fight with parents, DV charge, it got dismissed but the arrest record was still there to find somewhere.

>>33312719
what ended up happening?

>>33312773
hold on

>>33312719
>physical part comes
>i lost 20ish pounds over 4 weeks to make weight
>take tape test
>guy doesn't say anything
>assume i passed
>everyone else goes to the next step
>i get told to go to the main desk
>they give me a sheet of paper and say to read both sides thoroughly
>basically said im too fat to join right now
>i keep moving along with medical stuff even thought they told me i couldn't join
>after going from one small room to another, and saying i didn't lie i finally get sent back to the career consular
>different guy, whos actually the nicest one ive talked to yet
>tells me i can join today but i failed the DLAB and was medically disqualified for all of my back up MOS's due to eye sight

i forgot say my recruiter also had me lie about wearing glasses too


more to come

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>>33312862
i dont know how to end this cause i cant really convey how big of a deal it was to be

long story short i signed for MOS i didnt want but it was the only option, after i left MEPS i realized how stupid that was. i told my recruiters i was leaving DEP a few weeks later cause i didnt like lying on my forms. they got all pissed off at me (obviously) and said that they where going to "report me"

the whole thing was a cluster fuck, i didn't even have a actual recruiter, they all just pawned me off from one guy to another and when ever i asked them questions they said they didn't know or just told me to look it up online

i was treated like shit by almost everyone through out the process and i decided that wasn't the path i wanted to go with my life anymore

it really fucked me up cause i have no clue what i want to do with my life now

before all this i was really into collecting mill surp and now i just feel like a imposter when ever i look at it, i plan on getting rid of all it

>yeah i know im a idiot and should kms

>>33311848

Yes, and no need for a subpoena if you allow them the access by signing a little for saying they have permission to go through your life.

>>33310620
never served, never dealt with government bureaucracy, never attempted enlistment with waivers, etc.

I had a retinal detachment like ten years ago and the silicon buckle still on my eye. Will this prevent me from enlisting period, or just some positions?

Recruiters won't give me a straight answer and I don't know anyone enlisted who has any idea/experience.

>>33312539
>>33312471
Does anyone know how far back this goes? I don't want to become some meme in some tech circle somewhere

>>33313282

Depends on the ISP, and they vary greatly. I think AT&T retains data for a year, where's Comcast retains it for 3 months. Something like that.

>>33313322
Oh sweet I'm in the clear then

>>33313249

Recruiters probably don't know what will disqualify and have to start the enlistment process until you get to medical screening and find out for yourself. My guess is it would disqualify you for at least certain positions like aviation, but it might totally disqualify you. Try enlisting and find out.

i lied about drug use at meps, going for ts. the ci poly doesn't mention drugs, HOWEVER, if you have a bad physiological reaction to some sections or questions, they ask a secondary set of questions about your character that is MUCH harder to "beat." also, anyone saying the "flex your ass" trick works, has either never taken a poly and is regurgitating shit that they've heard on here, or took one many many years ago. there are very sensitive pressure plates under your feet and ass that sense the slightest movement just for this reason.

anyway, as someone that lied at meps and taken a poly and gotten his clearance, ask me anything.

>>33313340

I'm the squeeze your assHOLE/taint guy. I recently beat a poly. You're not supposed to flex your cheeks, just your asshole. If you can't isolate that single muscle which is far above the cheek/plate level, then you fucking suck. The muscle at the base of the shaft of your dick is the safest bet. This is really only safe advice for low-level, basic birch polygraphs. People receiving polys to work for the NSA or CIA will probably be a little more scrutinzed. Their candidates will do their due diligence if they're planning to defeat a poly anyway.

>>33313366
good luck to everyone taking this guy's advice

>>33313249

For anything that requires you to be in an aircraft or any infantry mos, this is prob a dq. Pog jobs? Probably fine

Had a buddy who didn't tell them that he had been in a car accident and had a prior back injury. he served his four, got out and they never found out

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I get severe migraine headaches. Is this a disqualifier for the military? There is a med paperwork trail and I don't give too much of a shit about lying but I seriously doubt that it's that big an issue. I just have a pill that I pop whenever they come on and it's usually ok.

Either way I don't think I'll bullshit it cause if I get brought down by one in BCT there's no way I can just fake it until it passes.

Thoughts on this lads?

>>33310667
Was that dudes name Day?

>>33311404
Unless you're a military brat, then they have full access to your records in alfta. That's how they popped me.

>>33314573
yep, migranes are a total disqualification.

Broke both arms as child
>Never broke a bone
>Been in 10 years, no problems so far

If i have 20/20 vision with glasses will I get disqualified from 18x?
It says not but I feel they'd drop me on purpose during sfas.
Could i get lasic and tell them I dont wear glasses and get away with it?

If I gt diagnosed with depression/anxiety and ADD in high school can I go into the military 5 years later no longer suffering? Can I get proof or something I am no longer in that condition?

>>33312862
>i forgot say my recruiter also had me lie about wearing glasses too

good lord, thats not something you can fake

>>33316482
yeah that was hard to act surprised when they told me i should be wearing them

>>33309539
I got kicked from boot for this. I was like 13 or something when I had "depression". Not suicidal.

>>33312346
They don't bother fining you for fraudulent enlistment. You get an ELS and go home. That's literally it. Don't buy the crap they give you about re-enlistment after two years though. I know 5 or 6 guys who tried and they were all kindly showed the door of their respective recruiters.

>>33313108
>Yes, and no need for a subpoena if you allow them the access by signing a little for saying they have permission to go through your life.

Fuck, that's a scary thought. I wonder how long your ISP keeps your internet history.

>>33316040
If you're going to get eye surgery, get PRK instead of LASIK. LASIK involves a flap that will always be a liability, it'll never completely heal and should you suffer trauma to the eye or head, that flap may open resulting in you being fucked. PRK has a longer recovery time but involves none of that flap nonsense, once you're healed you'll be set.

>>33312765

Sounds like bull shit. If you're a minor when it happened, didn't matter now

>>33312953

Dude gimme ur milsurp

Mokmeet at aol

>>33313282
>>33313322
No they can't access your internet history wtf guys

>>33318187
What'd you do?

>>33317458
This and also PRK generally severs fewer tear nerves when compared to Lasik, which lowers your risk of having to deal with chronic dry eye.

>>33313108
I heard that back in the 80s that SF requried a minimum IQ of 120 to join. Is that still true today?

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>>33308804
>The osi agent doing his package notices the discrepancy and asks if he made a mistake

then the kid dun goofed. He was too stupid to know when being offered an official wink.

My FIL was an Asst. US Atty. in NYC, and every time he and everyone else in the office had to sign something saying they hadn't partook in teh drugs, the boss would outright tell everyone to just say "no".

One dipshit marked down "yes" on the drug question, bossman pulled him aside, tore up the paper in front of him, saying: "we lost your paperwork, you'll need to fill this out again".

Dumbass finally got it, but was basically sidelined with shit jobs because he was too dumb to take a hint.

Finally wound up working the US Marshall's office - a nest of depravity and illiterate morons who use fingerpaint/feces to fill out paperwork.

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>smoke weed every weekend
>occasionally acid/molly/x
>join army
>get TS clearance

"Have you ever smoked marijuana or abused illegal substances?"
>"No"
>"Ok, sounds good"
>do my 4 years, never get called out on it

If you guys weren't such goddamn pussies, you'd have been fine. You aren't being vetted by the senate for the fucking supreme court or some shit. No one can (or even gives enough of a shit) to see where and what you did every minute prior to enlisting even if you do need a TS for your job, which I did...

sometimes I forgot just how lame the people who post on this board actually are

>>33310707
I had a secret clearance and admitted to smoking pot. I should have just lied and said I never did it.

I had to wait two years while getting "interim" clearances signed off by my commander. Finally some osi agent pulled me off post one day and did an in person interview. I finally got it but would have been booted if I couldn't get one after that interview.

Just lie. The polygraph is just scare tactics. That guy who failed his pt test is an idiot.

>>33311848
Bro that got is either misinformed or outright lying. People have Yankee whites with prp I know that come here me included and your internet history isn't gonna be searched through. Fb maybe but not your browser history.

>>33321099
I remember a few years ago our whole unit was sitting in our HTC auditorium/meetinghall/PT deck/ETC having a class about Ethics when our company gunny kicks off the class with the question of "So who here lied at MEPS? My unit being a gagglefuck of salty belligerent ass SOBs that long ago lost their last lowly fuck to give, out of over 100 of us there were MAYBE 5 Marines that didn't raise their hand, Even our company 1st Sgt raised his hand with a giant shit eating grin on his face. Company Gunny just responded with "Pretend I never ever asked that question and let's never bring it up again."

>>33310807
elaborate please?

>>33310804
Can I ask, how many times were you drug tested after MEPS? Ever?

>>33311385
>be me last summer
>go to enlist in marine corps
>have a weed possession charge from when I was 18 (21 now)
>Lie like a retard (cop told me it wouldn't be on my record)
>an hour before I leave for meps recruiter pulls me aside
>"is there anything I should know?"
>Act like I don't know what he's talking about
>"nothing in September 2014?"
>FUCK
>Come clean
>"alright no big deal you just gotta fill out some paperwork"
>Gunnery Sergeant asks "how many times have you smoked between 1 and 49
>"47 sir"
>Go to meps but don't swear in
>get back and have to get 3 character references
>takes me 3 months, they get sent back to me twice.
>meanwhile I'm doing pt in the DEP
>get a text from the recruiter
>"yeah you're paperwork is denied tough luck kid"

Gonna try again though, another kid basically had the same story just tried again a month later and got in. If not I'll try the army.

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I can't smell worth a damn. I once saw a roadkill skunk before I smelled him.

If I just don't mention the limitation, but they eventually notice, can I just say that using ammonia ruined it?

I have three charges when I was a minor. 1 possession and two alcohol related charges. Is there any possibility of being able to enlist?

>>33324500

There's always a shot if you can get letters of recommendation from a judge or other community leaders, especially if it's been several years.

Might be better off waiting for the war with China, though.

Do pilots have to take a poly? I've smoked pot before. Don't want to get my wings, then sometime down the line have to take a poly and ruin my career

>>33310608
I went to basic and to goodfellow with a guy that lied about drug use. He used to do coke and came clean about it in tech school. They gave him a waiver.

>>33311509
>One had a fucking metal rod in his arm he didn't tell them about it
With so many shiteating retards in the service it's a wonder we don't lose every war we fight

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If I was diagnosed with depression should I lie and hope ts clearance doesn't care, go for the waiver, or try to get cleared by a doctor?

>>33324422
Might disqualify you from any bomb-sniffing MOS

>>33324693
Don't worry, chances are you'll never be a pilot anyway.

Unless you've been getting straight As since 9th grade, have perfect health, are extremely physically and mentally fit, and have attended Annapolis or the AF academy.

>>33325089
What makes you say that?

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>>33310804
I mean I have it and I am here soooo

>>33325089
I start API in 5 days.

And none of what you said is necessary. Mediocrity can get you decently far in life. I meet none of those requirements you just listed.

>>33307056
So I don't feel morally correct lying at MEPS. I ended up getting sent home from MEPS because they want some document. I don't want to continue my enlistment but I know my recruiters will be mad at me. what do? Can I cancel my enlistment now?

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I guess this is the thead to ask it in. Would the Army find out if I got a tattoo without telling anybody? I go to BCT in 7 months, and all I get during drill is "HURR wait til after," but I don't wanna wait 3/4 of a year just to get 2 inches of ink on my body.

>>33325574
If your morals are preventing you from lying, then you wouldn't have survived the military anyways.

I'm headed to the Police Academy (the location, not the movie) in a couple months.

I've smoked weed before in my Fraternity, but only when I was extremely drunk. Should I admit to it or lie about it?

Other than that, i'm a boy scout. Made it to eagle.

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So it shouldn't be impossible to get a waiver for a 5-year-old misdemeanor arrest for possession?

I just want to enlist as a Navy mechanic

>>33326110
source

>>33326154
You're sister

>>33326110
shes so cute

>>33326110
isn't that mycherrycrush or that kawaiigirl on pornhub?

>>33326200
>>33326154

>>33326200
Affirmative

>>33326159
Fuck I wish

>>33326200
Definitely not Cherry Crush.

>>33326110
>>33326154
lana rain

>>33324296
I had the same charge and have been in 11 years, most of it guard. The correct answer is 3. No more, no less than 3. Lucky my recruiter was on my side during the process. (2006 was a desperate time for them)

>>33326327
Why wouldnt you just say once?

>>33307056
I lied about my penis size. Said I was a 7 when really I'm a 6.5. On penis inspection day they ripped my rank off on the spot.

You fags ever just consider telling the truth and letting things fall where they will? You'll be happier in the long run without that weight on your shoulders.

>>33326379
Most people who join the military (18-23 year olds) are too retarded to make any smart decisions.

>>33326355
Because once isn't a acceptable answer considering you have a charge on your record or something along the lines of you have to admit you smoked more than once but no more than 3 times.

Can you reenlist after getting an ELS? Is it possible.

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>>33326379
You must be 18+ to post here

>>33322757
Got tested two weeks into basic. My little brother went through army basic during exodus and got tested when they came back. I got tested randomly throughout my career, everyone does.

>Any hallucinogens will disqualify
Disqualify for what?
If I want to get a high level of clearance do I just lie about previous hallucinogen use (1 time acid, few times mushrooms, 1 time K), then maintain the lie through the poly and hope for the best?
No criminal record. Got picked up buying weed when 13, mom came and got me, not sure if on record.

>Don't do it at all. Avoid attempting physical countermeasures. Unless you know that you can execute them properly (and how would you, given that you'll likely never have a chance to practice them on an actual machine before you take the test?) all that will happen is that you'll fuck up the whole test and make yourself look far more suspicious than you need to. Just stay calm/loose and lie regularly. If pressed, stick to your lie. Or alternatively, you can just admit to smoking weed a handful of times back in high school because it's really not that serious and they care far less than you think. They're trying to catch people with major psych/medical/criminal issues and potential traitors, not high school weed smokers.

So just lie, and stick to it?

>>33312953
At least you gave us a good read.

>>33313340
What stuff did you lie about?
I have a decent history of casual marijuana use, some hallucinogen use, no criminal convictions. I'm seeking a tech officer job in the airforce or air reserves with clearance.

Advice pls.

>>33321099
You got a TS clearance? Did you take a poly and get asked point blank about your drug usage?

>>33321374
HAHAHA

>>33326379
Many of us wouldn't be able to get into the service if we just told the truth.

So can anyone answer my question or should I just not bother enlisting?

>>33326110
>>33326110
>>33326110

So if you're going for an mos with a TS clearance, and you've done some drugs here or there, should you just come completely clean and go for a waiver, or lie to the teeth all the way? Are you fucked either way of you've done a little shit here or there, i.e. weed?

>>33326795
never post a picture more intesting then the question

probably, if you have a high ASVAB score or college experience

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>>33326901
>mfw I chose that pic because I thought it would make my post more visible
>it did, but not how I wanted

What if I get a high score (mid-80's/low 90's) but I want a Navy job that requires a lower score; can I still try and push for that waiver & get in?

>>33326923
idk about navy, you might have a hard now cause they're dqing people at MEPS for everything and anything now

talk to a recruiter, did you get finger printed?

I know a guy who had a back or hip problem that he didn't know about until after he got through basic and got a medical discharge for it. My grandpa also had something wrong with his back that he didn't know about until after he had been shipped off to Germany, and then he had to get surgery to fix it, but he completed his tour.

>>33326966
>talk to a recruiter, did you get finger printed?
Yes I have an arrest record and everything. I "wasnt charged" for anything since I was on Deferred Probation, but I keep hearing/reading mixed things about recruiters in general (either they're super helpful, they just don't give a shit and are just existing so they can die, or they'll lie and tell you to lie then throw you under the bus if it turns out bad) so I'm hesitant about even talking to a recruiter

>>33327009
talk to one but THEY WILL LIE, if they say no TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE vets them selves preferably

if they say dont tell MEPS DO NOT BELEVE THEM, if you have been figure printed they will 100 percent know everything

How bad does your vision need to be before you're just DQ'd from everything? I have pretty strong nearsightedness, could probably fix it with LASIK/PRK but don't have the money right now. Was interested in an intelligence job or something equally high-WIS low-STR.

>>33327080
I'm the phaggot who posted >>33311385 ; The lad in question was/is pretty much in the same position as me (arrest record for pot; was fingerprinted and given probation). I haven't talked to him in years so I have no clue about the specific details of how his enlistment process was like, but I do know he was accepted into the Navy as a helo mech and he's already gone through boot.

>tl;dr: if Anon was able to enlist with an arrest record on file for pot, I would at least have a shot too, right?

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>>33327130
hey may of had experience in the field already or a college degree

i just went to meps a month ago and they're extremely picky now

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>>33327252
>experience in the field
negative
>college degree
negative

>>33327260
ask a recruiter or /meg/

although they're picky now its a case by case

you have a higher chance of getting through sense its not Intel or medical

Spent 8 years hiding my powerlevel as gay in the army and before my reenlistment somebody outs me. He gets busted for child porn and sent to Leavenworth. They give me the option to leave on honorable terms.

My advice is commit to the lie, don't lie about serious medical shit, and people will fuck you to save their own ass.

T. 31B with an airborne tab.

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>>33327499
How the fuck are you getting discharged for being a gaymosexual? Ive never served, but I thought the Obama administration put rules in place that pretty much made it "ok to be gay" in the service?

>>33327525
Some of us were born before 1980...

>>33327499
So in other words

lie about smoking some DUDE WEED and snorting some coke as long as you weren't arrested for it, but don't lie about any serious medical shit like broken bones or mental problems

>>33327544
>Some of us were born before 1980...
Yeah that's not an answer

>>33327554
Pretty much. The military knows everyone has tried Marijuana, but they're testing if you can keep your mouth shut about it. But shit like broken bones, major surgeries, epilepsy, etc. can put you or others at risk depending on what you're signing up for.

Same reason the navy screens for claustrophobia or histories of seizures in you family back when I served.

>>33321193
Why would they go through your facebook?

>>33324541
I'm pretty chummy with some local figures of some importance and my professors love me. Would that help? Honestly this is just out of curiosity's sake. I don't really see myself enlisting unless we have a major war soon.

>>33327667
To see whether or not you're a retard who posts an update every single time he does anything?

>>33310671
stay the fuck out.

yes its a connected system, you are barred from enlistment from every branch.

>>33310715
you wont be 11x

trust me, you just wont.

>>33327499
well thats why you dont keep child porn , dumbass

>>33316657
Did you tell them? As far as I know if you were 18 or above when you went to meps they shouldn't have had access to your medical records from when you were a minor.

>>33327839
he didn't keep it, his friend did. You probably got a waiver for your asvab.

>>33326379
>shooting yourself in the foot for no good reason
lmao

>>33327791
Apart from that, of course. I'm more afraid that they'd find out that I'm a /k/ommando and a /pol/ack.

>>33326500
Also interested in this. APFT failure if it matters.

>>33327839
I didnt have child porn, he did. He outed me and several others to try and strike a deal and stop him from going to prison. I was just gay.


What he should have done is not store shit on government secured computers.

>>33325574
Cancel. You are too stupid for war. War is not about lofty gay ethics, it's about war.

Your autism would be horribly annoying for your co-workers.

Anyone reading this who isn't fucking chill, calm and effective please do not pollute the military with your presence. If you want to "support the troops" then the best thing you can do is avoid inflicting yourself on them!

Motards suck.
Maggots suck.
Compulsive people suck. Compulsive honesty proves you lack self-mastery, it's not a virtue. Understanding WHEN to be truthful and HOW to convey truth (or obfuscate it) is useful to war and to you and to your brothers in arms.

>>33325844
Ink is not important. If ink is actually important to you, you are too stupid for words.

If you cannot defer gratification for a mere few months, KYS you dumb bastard. It'll save your command from having to give you perpetual "don't be a dumbass" lectures when you fuck up your life.

>>33326379
>You fags ever just consider telling the truth and letting things fall where they will? You'll be happier in the long run without that weight on your shoulders.

No you fucking won't. Ignore this imbecile. If everyone who did drugs told the military about it we wouldn't fucking have a military.

There's no weight if you learn to be fine with keeping your fucking mouth shut. If you compulsively snitch on yourself what good are you to anyone else?

>>33307056
I just didn't mention I had a previous shoulder injury and than it was reaggrevated in basic. I was discharged for the injury as it was limiting my movement but they didn't get me in any trouble. No article 15 or anything like that. It was a basic entry level separation.

>>33327667
Do the smart thing and delete all your social media accounts, then put up one or two new ones.

You don't need them. Mick Mulvaney deleted his Facebook when Trump hired him. Good idea since he was soft on immigration and a RINO in Tea Party drag.

Delete, delete, delete then selectively replace.

>>33310671
You should have shut the fuck up. My history was similar and I served a full career.

If you are a stressy girl you can take Dramamine before the poly to calm you down. Not an illegal drug.

Good thing enlistees knew to shut the fuck up during the Cold War or the five people left would have had a rough time of it....

>>33312017
>They won't catch anyone with anti social personality disorder or borderline personality disorder because lying calmly and confidently is their natural state of existence.
>Or maybe that's who they want...

It's a fine attribute! Remember your job is to make widows and orphans, visiting death and despoilation on whoever you are ordered to fuck up.

I'd rather work with an anti-social than some mewling Bible thumping bitchass mamma's boy.

>>33312544
>I've often said I'd rather be caught jerking off than be caught watching what I was jerking off to.

/thread!

>>33312596
Google "Project 100,000"!

Lee Ermey voice, since he'd remember it:

>Holy Jesus!

What if I got arrested for pos weed, but it got dismissed and sealed? Is TS out of the question?

>>33328532
Just tell them you got arrested for weed. They'll definitely find that out. "Sealed" means nothing. TS might be out of the question right now.

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>>33326754

Got TS (administered by a FBI consultant iirc outside a Starbucks next to my recruiters office)

Getting a TS is so easy.... they ask you if you've done anything illegal (i.e drugs, crime, raped the family poodle, etc)

You say no...and then late they call/interview the references you provided.... who if you aren't a completely friendless autismo are people who will be
1. expecting the call and 2. willing to vouch for you.


I don't know what decade you guys think you're living in, but polygraph tests are considered meme-tier by intelligence agencies now. Even if they did give you one (which in my 4 years 2012-2016), no one else who had a TS had ever gotten) all you have to do is stick with your lie....

>"No I haven't done that"
>"Are you sure about that?"
>"Yes"
>"Ok, sounds good"

However given the demographics of this board most of the people here are such autistic neets they've never even been offered drugs or even known how to get any....

So if I'm understanding this thread correctly, it doesn't matter that I have done acid/shrooms/MDMA and whatever else I could get my hands on as long as I don't cuck myself? Can you give anyone as references to vouch for you or does it have to be like a long time friend? All of my very close friends are heavy smokers, I don't know if they would be willing to lie to an FBI agent.

>>33328902
Sounds like you have shit friends.

So I've been arrested twice for petit larceny. Both times the charges were dismissed. It doesn't show up on a background check or police computer. Would the military be able to see it? My lawyer at the time told me to basically act like it never happened. Would I just be fucking myself over then if I told the truth?

I've also had surgery on my left knee when I was 18. There's no pins or anything and it's fully functional.

I'm not very concerned about secret clearance or whatever but I wouldn't want to be rejected for minor bullshit like this.

If it's a medical issue lie. If it's a criminal issue tell the truth.

>>33326379
Sounds like a good idea for people who get confidential info, just fucking blab it out.

>>33328802
Thank you for the advice.
I have no convictions, and only a very small group of individuals are privy to my past drug usage.

I intend to simply keep the story straight, simple, and fallacious. I have never used any illegal drugs of any kind.

I honestly like this polygraph approach. Just lie, stick to the lie, and don't bother trying to pucker your asshole or any nonsense like that. If you're actually qualified it won't matter if they see a nervous spike on "have you used any illegal drugs" or "have you taken acid before".

>>33307056
Recently got exezma and I'm already talking to a recruiter for the airforce the doctors said it was minor and I only had to take meds for a week and that's my only time ever being in a hospital for something other then a check up should I be fine?

>>33332201
you should me fine

>>33307056
My recruiter was too lazy to put in my paperwork about my wisdom teeth extraction.
They asked where my wisdom teeth were at MEPS, even checked my mouth. I just played dumb.
If they don't have documentation, they don't know. So long as there's no hardware left in your body, they won't see it.
Been in for 3 years and just dropped my SF packet, no problems.

So do they go through text messages/whatsapp and would a drug screening that i did for a retail job and failed 4 years ago come up?? I am ready to enlist, just nervous about that

>>33337593
>do they go through texts
Absolutely not. Wtf.
>failed drug test at some shit job you didn't get 4 years ago
Chances are any all paperwork related to your non employment at that place has been long trashed
Stop worrying and sign up. There's people with ts's who lied about drugs and still do drugs.

>>33307056
I know of a recruiter that got thrown out for lying about a recruit. His mom went and took his GED test. Somehow the recruiter got shitcanned and they let the guy finish his enlistment. He was a dumb mother too. Like the type of idiot who's mom would need to take a GED test.

>>33329074
Mums the word homey. If the cops can't pull it up the ridiculous system the military uses definitely won't.

I was an mp and we used NCIC that civilian cops use. There's not some secret or special system. Just make sure that shit actually doesn't show up.

I got popped for underage drinking while I was on fucking DEP. It was reduced to an infraction because I told the bailiff I was joining and she told the judge. But I got asked about it a million times at meps and it hindered me grim getting a secret clearance right away. I eventually got it but for the first two or three years of my career I could only get "interim clearances" from my commander.

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First off, I am bong.

Secondly, I have poor eyesight.

Will I be able to join the army?

>>33327525
That shit is pretty recent. I was in 05-14 and up until 2013 or some shit recent you couldn't be gay.

You could be a massive flaming homo and everyone knows but as long as you didn't get caught buttfucking or admitting to it no one cared.

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>>33339458
Don't matter. Finally managed to find the damn thing.

MP's took a guy away in BCT who lied to his recruiter about getting arrested. He came back a couple of days later to get his personal belongings because he was being sent home.

Seemed odd to me because I got cursed out by my recruiter before I even left. When they did the criminal background check I guess they didn't check my SSN because there was a kid in the next town over with the same name and his arrest record came back as mine. The recruiter was pissed, called me a fucking asshole and a piece of shit right in front of my mother. That didn't go over too well. I knew about the other kid because I'd received his mail before so told him to double check the social security number and sure enough.....recruiter proved himself an asshole.

I also knew a soldier who tried to get chaptered by claiming he lied about being a gang member (he was in the Latin Kings). Too late, he'd already completed his training so was told too fucking bad, he wasn't going anywhere and every formation the 1SG mocked him for being some sort of "bad ass gang banger" and loaded him up with extra duty.

>>33341142
You should have gone to another recruiter.

>>33309539
Also lied about mine. I had been depressed for a good 4 years, and told MEPS it was nothing and downplayed it to temporary family trouble.

Did my 4 years and got out.

>>33322757
stationed in Germany. tested six times a year, every year.

>>33312138
the blue falcon was too strong with this tard

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>>33311482
>>33311471
>>33311443

Left that place not too long ago and it feels so good.

>>33341297
What branch & MOS?

>>33311011
>>33311137
still waiting on an answer for this one...

>>33322757
Like 20 times in the first year, maybe once in the second and third year, and like another 10 times in my last year.

Piss test story:

>be in the restroom with the cockwatch
>old (I mean really, really old ) SSgt watching me piss in a cup
>i let him see the tip and pee
>"no, I need to see the entire thing"
>lolwhat
>let him seem my cock and balls, and piss in a cup
>he stares at my cock the entire time, never breaking eye contact
>feel kinda violated but whatever

>two weeks later
>get called in for another piss test
>it's some dude that I'm kind of acquaintances with as the cockwatch
>he's the same rank as me
>we go into the restroom
>this time i'm ready,
>pull my cammies and underwear completely down
>take off my skivvy shirt
>I am standing naked (except for my boots) in the restroom
>dude is just saying wtf and laughing
>start ripping ass
>slap my ass a few times, asking cockwatch if he wanted some
>my bud outside (who I told the plan to beforehand, he was also piss tested) laughing when he hears me ripping ass
>civilian dude walks in the restroom, takes a look at me, laughs and leaves
>cockwatch dude still saying wtf and laughing
>meatspin for a few seconds
>I fill up my piss cup and hand it back to him
>cockwatch dude
>cockwatcher brings the cup back to the SSgt and tells him what happened
>I confirm his story
>we all have a good laugh
>leave with no problems

and that was the last time I got piss tested. One week before EAS.

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What's the physical like specifically at sac how do they find out is you have scoliosis I'm the same fag >33310715
I got special X-ray's that say I have a normal spine but don't want to tell recruiter

>all these people having to lie about smoking weed
just don't do drugs like a degenerate

>>33332166
BELIEVE THE LIE

>>33328802

>You say no...and then late they call/interview the references you provided.... who if you aren't a completely friendless autismo are people who will be
1. expecting the call and 2. willing to vouch for you.

This is the most important thing. They probably won't even call your references for Secret.

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>Misdiagnosed with ADHD around age 10
>Take Adderal because apparently I'm a fucking retard who needs drugs to operate normally as a human being
>Do this until I am 12
>Quit Adderal because of its psychological detriment to my social life
>Actually learn how to function as a human being
>Fast forward to MEPS medical screening
>"Have you ever taken drugs for a mental disorder?"
>"No."
>Six years later I'm still here so I guess lying doesn't fucking matter when it comes to medical shit

Lied about not taking drugs to get in, still in and no regrets about it

>>33307056
Is there a different expectation for DEO vs. non-com enlistment?

>>33344461
what MOS? if it had requires a security clearance they'd find out

>>33307056
Nice try CID.