What was /k/'s military nickname? >Ol' Man Taylor

Mark the mint man

It wasn't a nickname so much as it was a joke that they beat to death. I enlisted shortly after that episode of South Park with all the gingers, so for four years I heard "you have no soul", and various versions there of. It got a real fucking old, real fucking fast.

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Dave

>tfw beaner
>tfw had a weird basque last name no one could pronounce

Could've been worse

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>>33232758
Snail.
It had nothing to do with my speed either.

>>33233345
is that a fish in ur pocket m8

>>33232758
lurch

6'10

nothing ever fit right

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>>33232758
Crowbar, an awful low-effort variation on my surname.

>>33232758
Becky.
Could have been worse.

>>33233501
what the fuck is wrong with this dog's face, a tumor?

>>33233608
post a picture of your vagina real quick

>>33233624
B-but I'm a guy.
Its just a shorter version of my last name.

>>33233624
Pupper vs. Bees

>>33233642
DAWWWW BABBY PUPPER NEEDS HUGS TO MAKE IT BETTER DAWWWW

>>33232758
Everybody called me "faggot" when I was in

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>>33232758
>chinkyploo
Eh. Appropriate.

>>33233624
>what the fuck is wrong with this dog's face, a tumor?
Tried to eat a bee.

>>33233721
why the fuck are you asian.
Cut it out.

>>33233774
You're right. Ill stop

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>>33232758
Fernando or Fernie.

Rico Suave by people trying to piss me off or express casual racism.

98.

>>33232758
I don't know yet. I leave for BMT on tuesday,

I'm 6'10" like this anon >>33233417

So it will probably be
Lurch
Hightower
Stilts
Jolly Green Giant
Daddy Longlegs
Tower
Tree

Those are the nicknames i got in HS almost 10 years ago.

>>33232758
tranny fucker

>>33232758

Friedrich the destroyer

It was because I trashed three trucks during my service

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"Lazy" as a terrible riff on my name.

>>33232758
Doc

>>33234200
You and everyone else in the Navy has that name.

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>>33234294
A million Smiths walk around but they are still each individually a Smith.

>>33232758
there was ths Serb named Manolojvic byt all the NCOs just called him manlove

Everyone called me "Blue Falcon" while I was in, but they never told me why.

Dumb fuckers.

I made sure to rat them out whenever possible.

>>33234315
Ok what's your fuckin point? Everyone in the Navy is Doc.

>>33234334
Jesus you sure are fucking stupid.

>>33234334
>Everyone in the Navy is Doc.

That's not true. Only medical staff and Corpsmen.

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faggot

Boipussy...
Dont ask

>>33234344
Take it easy mang, I didn't get my daily dose of crayola today.

>>33234353
No, you're being ignorant. All of them are Doc.

>>33234376
Were you in the Navy?

>>33234376
oh we're gonna ask

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>>33234382

>>33234382
Oh, you're joking about the Marines calling every sailor they see "Doc". Yeah, I experienced that shit. But once a Marine does one MEU, they realize they were being fucking stupid.

>>33234376
Show us you filthy whore body wrapped in cammies you fucking slag.

>>33234051
>>33233700
same

>>33234421
You pick up one asian man woman at a bar and all of a sudden you're a degenerate.

>>33232758
Oh they got real original for mine: Doc.
Never bitched about it but c'mon man, can't do any better than that?

>>33234403
Stop being a dick doc

>>33232758
Dad

>>33234439
It was a trap so it totally wasn't gay, it's okay man

>>33232758

Bulldog and frosty. I apparently used to yell at people a lot (like a bulldog) and didn't get upset when I was getting yelled at (frosty). I thought both were kind of dumb but fighting nicknames makes them worse.

>>33234468
Fucking Christ what a gigantic faggot you are.

I can feel the salami oil running out of your arm pores onto your hands to type that shit of a made-up fairy tale you push off as a legitimate claim.

>>33232758
"Wha?"

tinnitus sucks,

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>>33232758
>Be swiss
>Doing my mandatory service
>I'm a driver in ther infantry
>Already had my truck driving license prior to the military
>Everytime we have a shooting exercise, we need someone to get the ammo, with the truck (MOWAG Duro)
>That someone is me, of course
>Because of that, everybody including officers called me "Munition man"
>I liked it

Eaglefucker

I was top of my class in Jump School

>>33234440
Hey look, another Doc.

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>>33234353
True story:

>needed wisdom toof yanked
>new town, new dentist
>3 shots novocaine in
>ask about his training
>Navy
...
...
>nope
360 out of chair, paid bill before he could remove my appendix, give me a Motrin, Benedryl and clean socks.

>>33234503

Whatever projection you want to do man. My other nickname was Donkey because I made a comment one time about how huge an actual Donkey dick is. Which is how I learned not to fight nicknames.

Dodger, I served up in the canadian front around '67.

>>33232758
Late

>>33234387
Yes i was
>>33234394
Senpai pls
>>33234416
Buy me dinner first

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Dr. Krieger

I kind of look like Hitler and i do science experiments during the downtime.

>>33234627
Not fair. Even the bitches at the bar show skin before i buy them drinks you goddamn ronky two step skank.

>>33234665
I aint some bar bitch tho
Im classy i like romantic dinners before my sodomy

>>33232758
Songbird

I have a lovely singing voice

desu if there weren't females in my unit I would've been scared that some guys would've tried to fuck me

>>33232758
Bambi on the account i run like a new born deer.

>>33234675
Ur a goddamn cum deposit and you know it. Don't pretend you aren't because its downright evasive.

>>33234715
What are you gay?

>>33232758
Killer

>>33234762
Not me but this fucker pretending he isn't is.

>>33234802
I just enjoy dicks anon cmon now

Jersey

>>33234440
Same here.

I am not the type to argue with it.

>>33232758
Ruger.

Because that is my last name.

>my squad leader's name was Winchester

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>>33234823

>>33234844
Id use it

>>33232944
fpbp

>>33232758
Radio
>I was an intelligence analyst though
>I just liked saying "I'm radio" like a retard over the net

Was originally Redwood.
>6"8 tall redhead and build like a brick wall.

After I passed out from heat stroke and rode the silver rocket, it was forever more Timber.

>>33234990
So you were Radio the whole time!

>>33232758
Jack Skellington
I was a skinny fuck and tall to boot.

They called me Mallard because I almost ran over a formation of privates that tried to run across the road without posting road guards.
So I stopped my giant fucking HEMTT and the rest of the convoy I was on, opened up the drivers door and started yelling at them and calling them ducks because they moved in a shitty gaggle.
Turns out I was hot miked so the whole convoy could hear me making duck noises to these scared privates so they gave me shit for it afterwards. And I also got yelled at for stopping the convoy, lol.

Man, fuck Ft. Leonard Wood...

Hooch, because no one could pronounce my name.

I like it though, so I can't complain.

first unit I was "Big A" , some sgt in my platoon just randomly started calling me that and it stuck, even the CO and 1SG called me that
PCSed and at my next unit I became "Bad Andy" then this just became "Andy"
My first unit we had two guys nick named Beaner and Taco. Both were hispanic, duh. Even the CO and 1SG called them by those names. Gotta love the Infantry.
Our company supply clerk on my 2nd tour inna Iraq was nick named "Warrior Chang". Korean, spoke with a god awful accent. Guy survived 5-6 IED strikes on log pac runs between our FOB and the BSA FOB

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Weeb.
Which makes no fucking sense since everyone else liked anime and manga too... I was just the only one who admitted that I had a waifu and who she was.

In OSUT I was called Cartman.

>>33232758
Nothing, because that would imply I served the state which would be a cowards occupation.

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>>33237662
Christ man, you didn't even try.

I didn't have one, but there were two funny ones in my unit: Bobble, a guy whos head was twice the size of a normal humans and our commander Lt.Chew, never saw him without some chewing tobacco in his mouth. The first and last person I have ever met who uses chewing tobacco regularly.

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>big red
>the ginger
>red headed bitch
>fire crotch
>powder
>hot nuts
>used tampon (in Spanish)
>several African words for albino
And my favorite
>fucking ginger

Roy or Quigley, first week I was in my unit we had rifle quals and I shot a 39 out of 40, (to be fair they had just received a batch of brand fucking new M4's for our then upcoming deployment. This was reserves, they had only had beater M16A2's up until then). I got in good with a bucnh of guys for it, one of whom was an FFL with class III licensing... I got to play with a LOT of shit.

>>33233700
This

>>33232758
Ted

At unit no one could remember my surname and thought i looked like a serial killer, so they called me "Ted" Bundy sometimes TB

>>33238250
Also the women called me Teddy Bear, so i wasn't complaining.

>>33235836
KEK. Hotmic'd stories best stories.

>>33236122
Jesus Christ how do people like you pass requirement tests?

>>33232758
Doc Corpse
Fuckers thought they were real clever
"Oh wow you are a corporal and a medic wooooooooooow I know what to call you"

>>33233608
Becker?

>>33232758
Wasnt in the military but my nickname in 5th grade was fat fuck

Dirty D. Guess why.

>>33232758
>Smokestack
That was before I switched from Fort Drum to Bragg. Then it was
>Patch

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>>33232758
> I served

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>>33232758
I had several. Xerxes, pharaoh, god king, and the pants-less thunder goose are a couple

It wasn't really a nickname per se but everyone told me "Sorry son you didn't pass MEPS go home."
Good times.

>>33232758
Pig

>>33232758
They just called me Pete, or Chucky. My name is not Charles however.

>>33232758
Papa, Doc Spud, daddy.

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>>33233501
I know your feel.

Panther. Also a variation on my surname.

>>33234551
Same. Except i fucked our base commander.

Or ahould i say, she blacked mailed me into fucking her.

Thus the name, Eagle fucker. She was a full bird AND a full woman. Damn what i wouldnt give for that woman again.

>>33239061
Because you were in Delta Company?

>>33239391
No, because he liked sucking tranny dick

>>33232758
Tommy Guns.
>last name hard to pronounce and started with Tom-
>hobbyist boxer
>white as shit
>lifted a lot so had huge arms
>PSG was huge Rocky fan

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>>33235836
>Im starting basic at ft Leonard wood in August

>>33239372
Oh almost forgot.

Also had Rocket, as I'm 5'8" and the other welder I always hung out with (Groot) was like 6'7" or taller.

>>33239454
Welcome to the second shittiest post in the Army.
>an MP on literally every corner because that's where they do AIT
>literally nothing but woods and hillbillies around it
>super shitty weather year-round

>>33239408
Oh, also:
>gave the platoon fuckup a vagina-shaped scar over his right eye in Iraq during a company-sponsored boxing event, despite actual boxing gloves and an actual ring
>1-hit KO'd the company commander who thought he could box
>got my ass thoroughly stomped by the motor NCOIC who nobody knew was a semipro boxer despite being in his 50's

I was called the somali, because I'm 6'2 for 75 kgs.
The only nickname that stuck, out of dozen during the years. Strange how some people get one instantly.

My CO called me "whiney neddle dick", supposedly because I looked like some cartoon character that had that name.
According to buddies that reenlisted, he still yells at people that mess up that "that shit would never had happened with corporal whiney neddle dick", so I guess it's how he expressed his affection.

>>33233417
>>33234041
That sucks. I bumped constantly into doorframes when I wore a helmet, and gear was often too small.

>>33239476
I am an MP to be, so I hope there's still some free corners, what's the first shittiest post?

>>33239527
Drum.
>black sheep of 18th ABN
>shitty weather
>New York
>base infrastructure tied to Watertown's infrastructure as a means of welfare to keep Watertown from becoming a ghost town
>Watertown's whole business model is predatory lending to stupid soldiers

And you won't be safe from other MP's, enjoy getting a ticket for going 1 under.

>>33239560
Forgot part of that.
>this tying the base infrastructure to watertown means weekly if not daily boil orders, brownouts, and other long-term failures of basic services
Expect to freeze to death in the winter because the base has no electricity for days on end and to live off bottled water because none of the tap water is safe to drink.

>>33239061
You were the recruit that got caught fucking another recruit in the whiskey locker by the drill instructor in delta company?

I've been called a drink and an asshole, but never had a nickname while I was in.

>>33232758
Ed

Mickey. The 40 ounce, not mouse.

>>33234325
>>33234653
>>33236122

Keked

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>tfw black manlet with very common name
Black Davis or Little Davis, or a combo of the two.

Big Dick Dave

Guess why ;^)

>>33234331

Underrated

Scarface

Long story short, first good leave we got (peacetime is a bitch) a bunch of us went overseas and bust every dollar we made in Europe.
I bought a shitload of what I thought was coke, no idea what it was, but it was not coke.
Ran around with it streaming out of my nose for like three days.
They DNAd us on return, I'm the only one that passed, presumably because what I had they don't have tests for.

>>33239775
all the brother's call ya "big lips davis" because...

son of bitch had a spot under his lower lip where it was so big that it curled back, rubbed till it caused a callus to form.
you can't make shit like this up.

Screech.

bumpsky

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Bitch tits Mcfaglord

Threads like these make me want to join the military just to get a few great stories

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>>33232944
dubs confirms, fpbp

The Stealer

Joker, but not for FMJ or some stupid shit. My squad and I carried a playing card each for luck.
Autismo, but we were 18 back then.

Chainsaw.


Apparently I snore pretty loud.

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>>33232758
Sparky

>Work in electrical at hardware store
>second day
>big display of ceiling fans
>Changing lightbulbs
>one fixture has glass bowl covering lightbulbs
>ladder's not tall enough for me to see over it
>unscrew dead light bulb
>Go to screw in new one
>screw it into nothing
>dafuq.watt
>lady talking to my boss right next to ladder
>Still not finding the socket
>Use find to try and find socket
>end up putting finger into socket
>shocked.jpg
>somehow not fall off ladder
>I yell and lady looks terrified
>boss and everyone in the store called me sparky

>>33232758
"Make-a-wish"
I shave my head. Go figure.

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>>33232758

I got three.

Merchant, because I was the guy who actually took some extra smokes and snacks to exercises, bit more than I expected to smoke or eat myself. So I ended up quite often having some to sell to people that are unable plan stuff ahead of. People in nicotine withdrawal were easy to profit from.

Professor, because I as fucking platoon medic got better score from few exams on anti-tank stuff than actual anti-tank guys in anti-tank company. Our instructors kinda chewed everyone else due to that.

Third nickname was my favorite. Other medics at base hospital called me Dr Mengele because I was slightly abusive to skaters who didn't get any sort of service exemptions.

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They called me Pyle in boot

>>33232758
My official call sign with the army and certain parts of the DoD I worked with is star wars...given by others not my idea, but it could have been worse

>>33239454
Ft. Lost in the woods misery....get the name right..

>>33232758
The only one I've had is catfish.
Not bad desu

>>33234331
This guy served

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Ken doll.

They called me that to make fun of me but I always took it as a compliment.

>>33234334
CORPSMAN UP

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>>33244465
WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION PRIVATE PYLE?

>>33234503
This

>>33234468
>anymoose board
>tells lies
Why

>>33235192
>timber
My sides

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>>33239386
>Except i fucked our base commander.

>>33234444
Witnessed, and shit a guy in my basic was called that. He was a really cool dude but ended up breaking his foot and quit.

>>33239476
>Welcome to the second shittiest post in the Army.
what would you rate as the most shity...ests post? I've been to Carson, Hood, Knox, and Stewart. I only had to go to Knox when I was in the reserves, but man, the town outside the gate by housing and the golf course was so sad. Empty decaying strip malls, dry county, shitty housing. I would have killed myself if they sent me there.

In basic: Fuck Lip
Currently: Pegasus
I don't mind either of them, others seem to get a riot out of it.

>>33239560
>thinks 10th Mountain is the black sheep of the pukin' dragon
I was 3ID during the invasion. we were the red headed step child of the 18th. When I was in Kosovo in 2001 doing a joint rotation with 101, they used to point to a poster that had all 4 Div patches on it (101, 82nd, 10th, and 3ID) and sing "One of these kids is not like the other..." We had Kentucky long rifles and PVS-7As for most of they guys in my Infantry squad.

>>33232758
Teacup and Max Steel

I still have no idea why those were my nicknames. I'm not a faggot and my name isn't Max.

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God I'm loving this thread.

>>33232758
CLIMS

don't ask why

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Lab Rat

I was a comms guy, go figure.

>>33239454
Well fuck, be sure to look both ways before crossing the street then

>>33232758
>Jim
Was called this by a few people due to: A. Last name is Morrison, and B. High school photo on my Debit card in which I had long hair similar to Jim Morrison's.

However, it didn't really catch on until our unit had temporary duty in Thailand. Apparently Jim sounds very similar to the Thai word for vagina. So then every single person would call me Jim, all the time, very loudly...

After that I was called Jim for the rest of my enlistment.

Lawrence, or Nazi.

mad dog

no I'm not general mattis

they called me mad dog because whenever I was woken up in my rack to go fix some comms gear issue I would rant incoherently and run around the ship in my underpants and shower shoes while I fixed whatever was wrong

also I drank a lot of MD 2020

>>33238382
A large majority of the lower enlisted would be considered nerdy by 80's and 90's standards.

"Teapot" because I'd put a hand on my hip a lot when standing around

"Shutter Island" and I have no fucking idea why.

>>33234653
I went to WLC with a guy like you. Claimed to have worked with NASA to boot.

>>33246229
Don't let the boys get into you, Jim

>>33233345
Trouser Trout

>>33235192
>Was originally Redwood.
>>6"8 tall redhead and build like a brick wall.
>After I passed out from heat stroke and rode the silver rocket, it was forever more Timber.
>TIMBER

>>33232758

"Pinch"
"John Wayne"
"Bammer"

I don't think they need explaining, I'm a troglodytic Southerner with a tobacco habit.

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>Forrest
cause i walked everywhere fast

>>33245023
they're just jealous.
show us ur boipussi

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>>33243540
hohohohohoohohoHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA

>>33240244
Bob?

>>33239791
you took dick up the pooper for extra rations?

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>>33238382
Have you been living under a rock for the past 3 decades?
Even my older brother who enlisted in the Marines back in the late 80's and served throughout the rest of the 90's was a weeb himself who was the one who told me that literally 90% of enlisted men in the Marines, Navy, and Army are weebs. Didn't mention the Air Force though.
My point is is that it's not uncommon and it certainly doesn't affect your mental and physical capacity to pass requirements and score well on tests.

Huck

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"Manlet"

>>33233129
Yeah, I also have a Basque last name no one can pronounce.

So it was cut down to just "Sauce", the beginning of my surname.

First started out in sports in middle and high school, and followed me to the army some how. Never really minded it.

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>>33248478
Jesus christ this. I had seen some Toonami anime before joining, stuff like Cowboy BeBop— but after the porn overload phase of deployment, after the movie binge phase came the "Twenty-five infantrymen MST3K-ing Sailor Moon together" phase. So much weaboo on deployment.

Scorch because during training I burnt the eyebrows off of an instructor while trying to use a flamethrower

Joker because I came up with a few good names for other guys. My best one was when a guy was talking about all of his skank girlfriends, and I said "shit dude, we should call you "racoon" because you're always digging through trash!"

Come on, there must be at least five Kowalskis in this thread.
Every platoon has a Kowalski.

>Big John
>6'5

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GeZi Schlampe

>>33234468
lying cunt

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vitto the guido

the idiots in my platoon called me "brother Google" because i knew my shit about weapons and other military related things.

>>33234041
You might get lucky.
Mine was Freight.

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>>33235836
> whole convoy could hear me making duck noises

The only way that'll be better is if you were talking like daffy duck.

>>33232758
Nigger Killer Miller

>>33251288
Miller get back to pretending to look at paper work while boss is gone from mother base

>>33232758

Snafu

>40mm into car IED starting a fire making them abandon in flames and run into a crouded market place

Never stopped shooting
Brass looked otherway, convoy kept rolling

Teflon. Shit slides right off me apparently.

Smitty, because my last name was Smith

low energy as fug

bloodhound

because im great at orienteering/navigation and often by pure coincidence lead us past bakeries in urban terrain

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Something so cheesy as "Rambo"

The platoon sergeant made sure my name was edited to Rambo every god damn time on the shooting range electronics.

Guess it was my love for guns and a knife always strapped to my LBV.

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Spooky or Casper.

Day job was an assistant at a mortuary before I enlisted.

Somehow they found out.

>>33250423

Sauceido?!?

>>33232758
Faggot, (>tfw no one would play gay chicken with me)
american history x, (they thought i looked like a skinhead waaaaaay back when i first came in and my head was shaved)
macgyver (i was always making improvised weapons out of stuff that i could find at work and they were making fun of that)
>>33234051
>>33234421
Tranny (later on)

>>33232758
Wasnt me but theres this guy in my co. everyone calls pussylips

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Big Mo'

Because my last name just starts with Mo.

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>>33248558
>Tfw only 6'2
when will the pain of being a manlet stop?

Some of these names sound kind of cool, I thought they were supposed to embarrassing or funny

Babyface because I can't grow facial hair.

>>33253866
aka 5mins extra in bed before parade

highfive.jpg

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>>33232758
My Warrant Office would refer to me as "that twiggy alien bastard over yonder."

>/k/ told me weaponized autism would make me a man
>now I'm just a meme among men

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Cube
Like the shape

>>33232758
Got called harry potter cos of the glasses and hair it was when the film first came out i didnt realy care much for it so no one called me that and i only once in a while people called me that but still didnt care

>>33233359
No just happy to see you

>>33234522
Have you ever played euro truck sim? Maybe you could get that truck modded into the game and relive some memories.

>>33234598
67 what?

>>33232758
I had several.

[Surname] Suave. It rhymed with Rico Suave.

Spiderpig. Came about after I tried climbing an obstacle and ended up in a very awkward position because I didn't let go. The Simpson's movie was new at the time, so there ya go.

Lucifer. Some hyper Babtist fuccboi found out that my first, middle, and last names all had six letters each. Made a stink over it and I ended up with a nickname over it.

Napoleon. Someone managed to dig up an old highschool photo of me back when I had a jewfro. I looked very similar to Napoleon Dynamite.

There's a few others, but I can't remember them right now.

>>33232948

This happened to every red-headed guy between 2006-2010, from elementary school kids to guys in their mid 20s. Shit sucked bro.

>>33254520
dicks sucked

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>>33237662
i'm a communist and i'm enlisting m8 grow a pair

>>33256396
also my nickname was red and whiteboy (spic school) in highschool

>>33233345
probably jerked off once and left a snail trail on your sheets or uniform right?

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>>33256396
>i'm a communist

>>33232758
Squirrel

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>>33234791
What an edgy little cuck you are.

Try killing yourself next time.

>>33232758
>Dodge
and/or
>Caravan
shitty play on my last name

Rudolf
(Last name's Riddoch)

Spud

>>33232758
"First generation of children not required to enlist"

We need to bring conscription back.

>>33242529
Why?

Ale. Same reason as >>33253336

Not much imagination.

Matches

>>33232758
>Gadget
As in Get Jack! Was rather quick when doing tasks and every time someone was slow and underperfmorming it was always "Get Jack for help", which just became Get Jack and in the end Gadget.

>>33232758
Criminal/Daesh
That's what happens when a /k/ommando with an unhealthy firearms obsession gets thrown in with POGs. It was pretty obvious that if you wanted to rig up an IED I was the guy to talk to.

>>33234331
Kek

>>33234334
Doc is a title you earn, the Doc isn't just a medic, it means more than just passing AIT, it means everyone who's counting on you trusts you with their lives.

>>33239112
I used to live in Woonsocket...

>>33232758
>HEY ELLTEE
Every NCO ever so far.

In Iraq, they called me 'snake'. I used to lay around all day doing nothing and eat whatever was put in front of me.

>>33232758
whopper jr.

>>33260702
HAY ELLTEE