Can I get more of these?

>>33165130
>Green Bean is out of whipped cream
>war is hell

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I have a bunch of crap like this I guess.

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>>33165130
Does anyone have the story of the marine who had nuclear levels of explosive diarrhea in front of a bunch of generals because he had too many MREs?

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>>33165130
You are in luck, I made a good amount of the originals (if anyone knows me from MP.net, please respect my PERSEC).

I'll dump the ones I made, those two are mine as well.

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>>33166337

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>>33166352

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>>33166369

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>>33166384

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>>33166403
You still around OP?

Anyone monitoring?

>>33166403
This. This was me in afghanistan.

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>>33166419
Going for a smoke, and a drink.

Will keep posting if anyone cares

>>33166384
fucking kek

something similar happened when I was deployed and the cherry's lost their shit. Some dude had firecrackers and lit em off next to the hooch at out OP and when he stepped in, he said 2 of them were under their beds freaking out

>>33166441
this is best

>>33166441
Also fucking me.
Story time anyone?

>>33166419

Me, keep going.

>>33166441
I would love some more Corporal Fuckatelli, please

>>33166369
Kek

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>>33166441

>>33166449
This happened when we were training some IA on the FOB, it was their two-week graduation test, and final test was an early morning attack.

We didn't tell any of the other units nearby what we were doing, they lost their shit.

>>33166513
wilco

I am going to skip over ones that are potentially PERSEC.

Captcha is fucking with me.

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>>33166556
Nice, 556

>>33166419
I don't understand
You can formally address any officer as sir

>>33166337
I'd like to believe you know the guy in the photo and decided to make him a meme

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>>33166577

>>33166579
Really just bantz, making light of their position/authority as a butterbar, which is basically being babysat by the platoon sergeant.

My LT. was pretty cool dude, but he was not in charge.

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>>33166625
I actually I asked for help from other users on MP.net to help make a general template.

Guy does kind of look like I guy I did OSUT with.

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>>33166646

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>>33166667

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>>33166686
I apologize if these don't seem funny, to the uninitiated.

>>33166686
I remember in OSUT this kid stood outside the DS office and asked for a band-aid. The DS was like "why, you gotta fuckin boo boo?" and the kid said yes. So the DS said "Okay, say you have a boo boo." And the kid belts out "I HAVE A BOO BOO, DRILL SERGEANT!" And the entire company, DS's included, started howling with laughter. I think that was the only time everyone laughed together, and no one got in any shit for it. One of my few genuinely pleasant memories of that place

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>>33166711
Before anyone asks, yes, this did happen.

Best looking officers are always medical corps, at least my experience.

>>33166711
These are fucking hilarious.

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>>33166720
Where did you do boot at?

>>33165493
But thats not how that works

>>33166734
My experience with female medical officers is that they don't understand that there is a war happening.

>>33166711
No these are fucking amazing lol

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>>33165130
>tfw the boot starts crying "p-please don't rape me"

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>>33166741
>>33166748
Glad you like them

I'd like to remind you all that I was very drunk when I first wrote these, as I am now.

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>>33166747
Medical officers are oblivious in general.

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>>33166760

>>33165218
As an LT I fucking swear we aren't doing this on purpose. We got mandatory training to get done and unfortunately this shit is apart of it.

These memes suck and you should feel bad

>>33166791
Fuck you bro I'll suck your dick

>>33166745
Benning's school for boys

>>33166771
I had a female captain look at me and say: "Aren't you a bit young to have a cane?"
I was shot ma'am.
"Oh my, how'd that happen?"
There's a war......

Just to give some context this was at our demob station just after coming home.

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>>33166772

>>33166775
Every shit thing our LT did, I later found out, came from over his head.

Guy looked out for us for the most part.

>>33166791
>yeah, well, that is just like, your opinion, man.

This has been the typical response I have gotten when posting these.

>>33166775
We know.

We still grow to hate your voice.

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>>33166814
She was saying this to myself, and nearly another dozen wounded vets at Balad, waiting to fly to Germany.

Literally everyone of us was screaming internally, could see in all their eyes.

>>33166814
Getting deployed a few times should change her outlook.

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>>33166848
Be back after a drink, and smoke.

The meme should say.
" be platoon Sgt's gay lover,

Don't get put on details "

>>33165218
>saturday
What? Do soldiers get the day off?
Why don't they just attack on the weekend then?
Unless you mean NG.

>>33166870
When you're on base, and not deployed anywhere overseas, you usually get weekends off unless you have a special detail or a really, really shitty job

or, if that image happens. Which happens a lot.

>>33166870
>thinking it is all something all the time
>mostly down time as the higher ups jack each other off finding something that needs to be done

>>33166857
I deployed four times. My current and hopefully last battle is with the VA.

>>33166848
I just couldn't understand what this woman was thinking.

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>>33166870
outside of deployment, and deployment-training, being in the Army is basically like a 9-5 job, except 5-5, and you are all doing fuck-all usually.

>>33166906
Don't get me started on the VA, godspeed buddy.

>>33166935
Whats the spoon for?

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>>33166935

>>33166959
"So you can eat my ass"

>>33166935
Neverdeployed here. What is it for?

>>33166865
This ones a little more sad

>>33166935
I've been going to comp and pen since October 2014 and haven't seen shit yet. I recently reached out to my congressman.

>>33166745
fuck me, this one had me rolling.

>>33166969
Shovel those rock solid MRE shits out of your ass.

>>33166935
You'll have to tell him eventually

>>33166935
So what is it for? Non American here.

>>33166421
Do you fill your pockets with USB sticks or what?

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>>33166966

>>33166974
This incident pisses me off more than a lot of the stupid shit we experienced.

Winter was coming, and CA thought that was a swell idea. We see a sudden rise Propane-IEDs, and learn of this about two weeks after those dumbasses pulled that stunt.

>>33166980
Admittedly this did not happen, as stated. We were doing PSD for a bunch of POG officers assigned to train the IA.

Douche colonel in charge flipped his shit one day when we took very light SAF, a couple pot-shots at most.

He gets on the net, and only aircraft in the area was a B-2, which sounded mystical to us. Colonel was losing his shit the entire time, think I have one or two that reference his antics.

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>>33167042
>>33166969
see
>>33166966

>>33167051

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>>33167067

>>33166734
You're damn right.

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>>33167080
I did not realize how many of these damn things I made.

These are all gold.

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>>33167102
Spent a month in LRMC, and eight months in a WTU.

Something I noticed pretty early.

One I was about to post was already posted by OP.

>>33167168
Glad you like them, all true stories. Either experienced by myself, or those I served with.

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>>33167186

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>>33167195


Think I posted pic related a little while ago in some thread or another.

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>>33167206

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>>33167226
Be back in a little if anyone is monitoring, need to concentrate on my drinking for a little while.

>>33167049
A few of us had a couple TB externals.

>>33167226

The Seven Rip It Challenge...

>>33166966
Shit like that actually happen? Because that is pretty bad ass.

>>33167186
Our whole battery did this to our BC. Every day till he left from change of command.

>>33167051
Regardless, very American solution to a very foreign problem.

>>33166775
so how was your highspeed speech to your platoon when you first go them? My old pl, no shit said "don't mistake my kindness for weakness."

>>33166421
I still have a couple hundred gb of poor quality disgusting porn

>>33167186
>>33167286
What does this accomplish?

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>>33167651
GOOD MORNING, SIR!

GOOD MORNING, SIR!

GOOD MORNING, SIR!

>ad nauseum

it's a great way to drive CO's absolutely fucking insane

>>33167651
He has to salute endlessly

>>33167651
You pass an officer, you salute, officer has to return the salute. Groups can salute as a unit, but if you space yourselves out, as everyone passes and salutes, the officer is stuck returning salutes until everyone has passed.

>>33167651
No serve but I assume if they are less then 5 meters the officer can just hold his salute as everyone passes by but if they're more than five metres apart then he has to salute them all individually

>>33167674
Kill me.

>>33167704

But even if he holds a continuous salute he has to realize he's being fucked with, and torn between following tradition/protocol and knowing he's being fucked with, it has to wear on him, which is the goal

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>>33167276
Yes, there is fuck-all to do on COPs than eating shitty food, if you are lucky.

That COP, we were meant as an counter-ied element on a MSR, very hostile. Got blown up myself, within two km of that COP, which marked my exit from theater.

Good news though, Iraqi forces recently retook that position from daesh after nearly three years.

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>>33167777

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>>33167791
Have an actual immediate follow up photo attached to this story, will post it since no PERSEC

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>>33167842
Long story short, we were escorting some big wigs, and their entourage to talk to the LNs, following a huge fucking bombing by AQI.

Had some lady-officer in the back of our truck (MAJ, again IIRC). Anyways she seemed freaked to know end, like it was her first time outside the wire.

Driving to the site, we ended up mudding up our windows pretty well, as driver that day it was my job to clean them when the moment presented itself.

Seeing she was freaked, I drew bulls-eye in the window from the mud.

Like an hour later, I start getting half-heartedly chewed out by several of my NCOs after she apparently complained.

Had me do flutter-kickss outside my driver's seat, while outside the wire.

Anyone still monitoring? Story took me awhile, and bourbon is now taking effect.

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>>33167842
What a dick move

>>33167928
>flutter kicks
>outside the wire
I don't see how this is OK.

>>33167928
what's with that nig rigged shield on top of the humvee?

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>>33167977

It's not

>Be me
>Be innaafghanistan
>Be on a tiny shithole FOB on top of a base
>like less than a platoon there
>village below us

every day, i pissed in the stream that flowed into the village. :)

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>>33167940
Dick moves are very relative in the military, mostly it is just laughs.

>>33167977
Meh, turned out okay.

>>33167990
These were during the days where we were constantly updating trucks with new armor kits (like every other month).

Problem was they were slapping the shit on so quick, they were short of all components (no ballistic glass panels). We (our truck) prided ourselves on have a turret-shield that provided no real cover.

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>>33168039

>>33168037
COP life sucks in a lot of ways, but it is a wonderful freedom compared to garrison life.

Accountable to next to no one, I miss that too be quite sincere.

>>33168076

I was actually Air Assault, but see, it seems Blackhawk pilots don't understand fucking time. Because it'll be like 3 AM and I'll just hear..

>"WUSHWUSHWUSHWUSHWUSH"

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>>33168076
Anyone still monitoring?

Otherwise I'm quitting for the night. As I said before, I did not realize how many of these I made. Hell, I'm only on F.

>>33168094
Know that feel, the nicest fob we were on, our CHUs were right next to a helipad.

Another COP we were out of (I honestly did not have much time there), had the helipad basically on top of the conex containers we had for shelter.

Those who don't know sleeping in a shipping container is like sleeping in an oven.

>pic related
dumbass Colonel I mentioned before.

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>>33168155

I slept next to the motorpool and pulled nightguard a lot. nothing better than finally getting to sleep and hearing "VRRRHMGMGMGMHMGMGMHGMGMHMGMH"

>>33168155
im here anon

>>33168155
i'm still here

>>33168155
post moar

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>>33168155

get the fuck back here anon

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>>33168182
>>33168205
I prefer hospitallers

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>>33168155
>>33168195
>>33168197
>>33168201
>>33168205
Word, back for a little. Wild Turkey is starting to catch up with me.

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>>33168243

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>>33168253

>>33168253

One bitch stayed in my barrack's closet for like a day and a half until she got found in inspection

so many flutter kicks

so many ruck marches

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>>33168267
We actually got a slap on the wrist verbal warning for this one, mostly in jest though.

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>>33168281
Sorry didn't clarify, we got bitched at for not going to shelters, and talking shit to those "who were doing the right thing".

>>33168277
I am too drunk to get into this subject now, I am just thankful I was combat MOS, and mostly heard about these shit antics second-hand.

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>>33168305

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>>33168315
This one wasn't me, but one of my NCOs, and how he essentially became a lifer.

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>>33168327

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>>33168327
>pic related
Again, wasn't me, just a madman I knew.

>>33168356
How did that go for him?

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>>33168367
Far as I know, guy is still doing alright, and that was not the only boom he sent home through mail. I was shocked by how brazen he was, and mostly that he got away with it.

Customs (military customs, navy fags ime) is pretty huge on what comes out of theaters of conflict, not what goes in.

Again, guy was crazy, and that is my only explanation as to how he got away with it.

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>>33168412
>pic related

The only way that we were able to smuggle porn into theater, Navy customs snooped, and tried wiping all our smut.

Those assholes, buddy-fuckers if there ever was a better definition.

I will admit though that contraband bins are extremely interesting to see opened.

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>>33168460
Another, and my last smoke&drink break.

Kind of feel like I'm just posting this crap for my own entertainment, which is partially true.

>>33166449
top kek, but more curious about how do you get firecrackers deployed out to a warzone? dont they check your shit when you fly into deployment to prevent contraband like booze and juvenile shit like firecrackers?

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Muhreen here.
I feel there's too many damn hoo-ahs in here.

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>>33165493
I am too lazy to find it. Have this one instead.

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>>33168515
see>>33168460

Again, customs was mostly concerned with what left country, with little care as to what went in.

>>33168516
>was in the army
>have army stories

Should I make a power-point presentation?

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>>33168650

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>>33168675

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>>33168683
>pic related

One of our AWOLs

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>>33168692
Officially out for the night, can post more in the future if thread gets pruned.

>>33165130
Wherever you are OP, you're welcome.

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>>33165218
>It's a few weeks after Academy graduation

Look at all these fucking butterbars

>>33168675
>M107 scope bite

I bet you fuckers knew that shit was going to happen. I like it.

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Keep them coming.

>>33168709
thx brah

>>33168709
I did this
Not on Dog tags though, but on any documents where it was needed. Nobody wears dog tags

>>33168650
>>was in the army
>>have army stories
Was in Muhreens
Have muhreen stories

Boot loses penflares, possibly fell in trash bag
Police call burn pit (while still lit) for missing fucking useless pen flares.
Oh and It's easter. Happy easter, here's some asbestos for you while you breath in human waste.
At least I found some partial nudey mags

Be on post inna Afghan and hadji boy rides up on bike selling cigs and monster.
Get called a nigger and flipped off. Through piss bottle at him.
Kid calls my fucking chain of command, this fucker knows better english than some marines I know and knows the entire fucking command.

Be on post inna Afghan, bored as fucking hell trying not to get shot by the ANA with a M240 next to me
Talked about sex with a 10 year old boy. This boy gets more than I do. He jealous of Americans and their shaved pussies.

Be on post inna Afghan, Jacking off into corner before relief ANA comes back.
Watch hadji porn with ANA soldier on his flip phone. I fart and he points his M249 SAW at me.

>>33168770
We did, guy talked himself up as a bad-ass combat medic, even though his previous tour was in Kuwait with some logistical unit.

I have pictures of him getting stitched up, but won't violate his persec.

>>33168837
>Nobody wears dog tags
fuck off

>>33168837
What happened with the bike kid?

>>33168838
Blur them

>>33168837
fucking top kek

>>33165493
At least here in Australia, most of the Muslims I know celebrate Christmas. Plenty of people in non-Christian countries 'celebrate' it too. Mostly through the timeless medium of karaoke.

It's just a fun holiday, and there's plenty of non-Jesus tradition around it. It's kind of like table salt, you can add as much or as little Jesus as you feel comfortable with.

>>33168859
We really don't.
Except boots.
>>33168886
I'm sure he made a small fortune selling shit to muhreens but I guess his customer base is a bit dryed up now.
>>33168935
Tango

>>33168838

Sick shit to do to your brother. Should be ashamed.

>>33167651
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LowVhCfLm68

>>33168650
>customs was mostly concerned with what left country, with little care as to what went in.
Canadian customs inspector here, this is pretty much true. We turn a blind eye to a lot of shit and regs when CF personnel come back from overseas.

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>>33166720

>>33166403
I know a guy in commercial shipping who does this at sea.

British coast guard gave up after half an hour of going through his hard drive.

>>33168709
not OP but thanks man

>>33168709
all the ones I could understand (civi scum) were great dude, thanks for the fun night

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switching gears to /k/ humor general

>>33167159

This is the only one I found funny as fuck

>>33169707
is it operable?

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>>33169765

>>33168305
Kek

>>33166804
Ha, GAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!

>>33167265
Can i get a quick rundown?

>>33168243
Kek

>>33168512
topkek

>>33168526
Fucking maximum kek

Great posts OP, post more when you wake from your drunken stupor

>>33166505
go ahead

>>33167688
If that officer has any balls at all hes going to tell you all to fuck yourselves, you get 1 salute.

>>33167777
Good news, for Marines Drug test day is also sobriety test day!

>>33168627

my fucking nightmare right here...

i was a staff NCO and every single time I went into a company briefing I always got looks.

>>33167990
Until it's a legit armor kit, due to regulation bullshit and red tape you can't just weld these things to the turret, and make it nice. Instead you have to use already existing bolts to bolt it on temporarily. This really limits what you can do on top of probably having shit materials to do it with.

On one side this makes sense to prevent mad max type shit, but on the other it makes doing needed upgreads a complete pia.

t. Metal worker

-this might have changed, should be getting retrained into 91E so I'll find out soonish.

>>33166772
>your
Fucking americans

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>>33165493

>>33165493
>>33166337
>>33165130
Holy shit, these new soldier memes aren't even funny.
I've gone through half the thread and haven't even got a smirk going.
Is this what passes as funny now days?

>>33170565

Each to their own. I laughed my ass off at many of them. They, or some of them anyway, represent a specific military culture and is worthy of noting. WW2 humor and Nam humor have different accents.

>>33170634
Well, having been in for 4 years, they seem to be all of the faggot everyone hates and just make me cringe and get pissed off.
Maybe that's my problem.

>>33166760
> BETTER THEN

>>33165139
Them brownies tho.........I can still remember.

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>>33170648

Have you considered making a countermeme? Different figure, same topic, different jokes. I would enjoy seeing what you could come up with.

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>>33168709
I'm back for a little while.

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>>33171759

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>>33171772

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>>33171793

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>>33171803

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>>33171815

>>33167235
>thestruggle.gif

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>>33171830

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>>33171841

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>>33171856

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>>33171869

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>>33171883

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>>33171894

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>>33171907
Be back in a little while, doesn't seem like anyone is monitoring at the moment.

>>33171919
Oh no, I am

>>33166760

Military grammar on point.

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>>33171955
As I stated earlier, I was really drunk when I first wrote these.

>>33171943
word

>>33171793
>your
You fucking idiot.

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>>33171990

>>33166403
This. I used to send my bud a couple flash drives a week filled to the brim with all sorts of stuff. Every fetish, race, you name it. We made a mint. Not just off cash but shit people were willing to trade.

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>>33172003

>>33171907
>your
...brain is deficient.

>>33171919
lurkin'

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>>33172020

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>>33172032

>>33166711
It's not about being uninitiated: the punchlines are so basic that they aren't funny at all. There is zero wit.

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>>33172044

>>33172056
Guess that joke went over your head, if you do not like them, feel welcome to fuck off.

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>>33172069

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>>33172077

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>>33172083

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>>33172094

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>>33172108

>>33172069
Are you going for a Hunter 2-1 Fagtual thing or something?

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>>33172122

>>33172123
No, I'd being Trip-fagging if that were the case.

I made these years ago, and just happy that some people still enjoy them.

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>>33172135

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>>33172143

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>>33172151

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>>33172157

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>>33172169

>>33168837

Bike kid probably intelligence asset.

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>>33172179

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>>33172189

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>>33172194

>>33172179
this sounds like its own story

>>33172135
>I made these years ago, and just happy that some people still enjoy them.
Who?

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>>33172203
All right, that is all the ones I feel comfortable posting.

Glad some of you enjoyed these, believe someone over at MP.net made a facebook page for these. Smartass Soldier is what it is named.

>>33172211
Wife in this instance was like 300lbs, not very enjoyable tape.

>>33172216
hon hon

>>33172216
me

>>33172226
>>Wife in this instance was like 300lbs, not very enjoyable tape.
why would he have that tape instead of some standard porn

>>33166791
then leave the thread LCpl fuckface

>>33172216
Some of them are fine.

He needs to work on his English though, the >your s are fucking annoying.

>>33172235
Guy was a big fan, of big ladies.

Same guy in this one
>>33168253

>>33168305
this was me all day

>>33168037
you deserve ever bad thing that happens to you

DOD, USAID spends millions on outreach to afganistan civilians. All effort ruined by retard soldier pissing in peoples drinking water.

>>33167688
I guess that's why the superior can return the salute with a nod in Finland.

>>33167777
lost my shit to this one

>>33169906
imagine shotgunning seven super redbulls and trying not to go full trombley

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>>33172377
We were partial to Wild Tigers ourselves.

>>33172438
Fucking Shock coffee and the Shock bean candy in late OND MREs was the shit.

>>33168512
not true many lurking

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I'm 24 and currently in the Navy. I want to go inna sandbox. I do not want to re enlist or switch branches if it means extending. Is there any hope for me? What are my options?

>>33172194
nothing wrong with brotherly bonding

>>33167347
My speech
>hey guys, excited to be you pl, I'm not high enough rank to give a big speech so I'll keep it short; zonk.

I cleared it with my psg, and it was right before pt. 10/10 first impression.

>>33166441
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlGdmJ39ZW0

>>33172657
>wants to go inna snad box
> signs up for branch that serves on boats

>>33165218
>boot trigger happy accidentally lets out a bullet
>SAFETY LECTURE FOR EVERYONE

>>33172890
I realized I fucked up after it was too late. I planned on going marines but was talked into navy.

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>>33166848
still possibly better than liberal hollywood shitting on you constantly and calling you baby murderers and shit though, right?

>>33167000
Jesus fc, eat your meals with more water.

IV saline every couple days, eat laxatives like candy.

And stop using the local opium too.

>>33171998
>>33170678
>>33170473

Hey buddy I've got some news for you. If you're expecting 0311 and 11b's to get spelling and grammar correct, you're in for a fucking ride.

>>33173134
That's no excuse. And that was also two different people.

>>33172940
just giving you shit, maybe try for corpsman?

>>33173146
well in that case, it appears there are two of you faggots.

>>33173156
Anyway, are you saying that boots skip elementary school?

>>33172657
We'll need you in the SCS soon enough.

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>>33168526
>>33168627

>>33173150
Don't plan on cross rating and then staying in longer, would be a good option though, could be a RP as well. I was hoping there was a program (like IA) or base I could go to that would be more "involved". I'm a yeoman (pls no bully) so I can go just about anywhere if its open.

>>33173376
SCS?

>>33173428
South China Sea, soon to be renamed South American Sea.

Jerk off in porta John for months

>Get erections to the smell of shit

Salute warrant officer

>He waves and says "hello."

Start secret fight club

>Third meeting 200 people on a base of 1000 show up and the commentator is wearing a suit.

Go on mission

>Drink tea and argue philosophy with locals

Piss in bottle cap and throw from turret.

> 3 year old little girl picks it up.


Is my format correct? Are these acceptable?

>>33169788
when I was a little kid I went to one of my uncle's houses for easter one time, me and my cousins were playing in the back yard when we noticed a bit of loose earth moving, when we kicked it up we saw about 8 baby rabbits squirming around, we were so confused and told our uncle who sent us inside while he beheaded them with a shovel

>>33167674
There are simulators?

>>33166711
I get the gist of most of them

>>33173502
That practically my area of operation already.

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>>33170534
Thank you anon.

>>33168797
So what happened here, somebody doing an angry search through everything or just rampaging?

>>33172083
That's some captain America shit right there

>>33173041
I fully agree, one of the RNs did let me borrow her personal phone, so I could try to beat the Red Cross message.

Call probably costed her $10 at least, I'll never forget that.

>>33173146
No, those were both me. As I have stated before, I was very drunk when I first wrote these, and kind of a dumbass.

>>33173751
It was mostly in jest towards the POGs we were escorting at the time. Guys would hear gunfire (miles away), and act like we were about to be overrun.

When they lost their shit over comms, we would just reply "broken arrow".

>>33174751
>No, those were both me. As I have stated before, I was very drunk when I first wrote these, and kind of a dumbass.
The guys who made the comments about the poor as fuck English in those meme macros were two different people, not you.

brilliant thread, thank the /k/ube for drunk vets

>>33165493
He must have sucked to many Ranger dicks. MREs are quite gastrically stable and while they constipate some people, getting the runs from them is wildly unlikely. I never heard of it during my career.

TCNs using non-potable water for koolaid OTOH gave most of Al Dhafra the shits at once.

>>33168155
Classic thread. Monitoring thoroughly!

>>33167767
>>33167704
i thought you didn't salute in the field?

>>33175365
This was in garrison.

Every once in a while I got stopped on some FOB or another by some offended officer, usually WOs, for not saluting them.

>>33175072
>>33175248
Appreciate it gents, but I do not have any more at the moment.

>>33166775
We know, but we still hate you for it. (sorry)

>>33168837

I heard about them hating farts but enough to point a gun at you? WTF

>>33173514
How do you piss in a bottle cap?

>>33172377
Who needs caffeine to go full Trombley?

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>>33169712

>>33172657
Used to be you could get orders there for fob security, GMs could go over and maintain land based CIWS. But you know, that was when we were in a war.

>>33166667
bullshit, no one ever gets that close r-right?

>>33176504
Rip-its, Wild Tiger, and snorting stackers was literally all you could do at times not to fall asleep.

My worst week, we were on operations/patrols for 150 hours of the week.

COP life sucked the same since pulling patrols/security, we also had to do a fuck-ton of COP maintenance.

>>33176801
This did happen to me at NTC, and I let out a big "Yeah!", twirling around with my hands in the air.

Turn around, and there was one of Irwin range NCOs, looking at me like I was an idiot savant.

Guy couldn't take it away from me.

>>33172774
I like you sir

>>33173690
Not op but we had this happen anytime we left something out of order. Or say a locker unlocked.

>>33176493
very carefully

>>33168692

I once did this during a training operation. A week with no sleep and food does strange things to a man.

When I realized it I just pretended I had gone mad from starvation and sleep deprivation. It worked.

My gun was actual in my ground hole but I somehow forgot about it as I leaped out to have my first mean in a week.

Fun times.

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>>33178175
Guy who did this was a functioning retard, and that is about the nicest thing I could say about him.

This idiot once showed up to PT, with an electrical cord as an PT belt, the wrong shirt, and no socks.

Your story, just reminded me of another story.
Generated new image, pic related.

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>>33178307

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>>33178374

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>>33168627


>shit on myself and 11 officers in 45 seconds flat

fuck i don't care if this is fake, after read this i found the will to live again.

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>>33178420
Follow up photo, that goes with this one.

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>>33178496

>>33176493
He forgot to punctuate
Piss in a bottle, cap, and throw

>>33178420
>Tired of waiting for bomb squad, I'll just take care of the IED myself
jesus christ, well I guess you survived, how complicated is it to disarm one of those?

>>33178636

Depends on how smart the guy that made it was.

It can be as simple as cutting a wire, removing a battery, or it can have anti-tampering measures that will probably kill you if you try to move or disarm it.

So if someone was dumb enough to try and disarm the IED on their own, they got very fucking lucky.

>>33178636
It was not disarming, but proper identification of the supposed threat.

A lot of units (mine included, multiple times) will sit on site for hours, waiting for EOD to approach a POTENTIAL ied.

More times than not, it turned up being literally fuck-all, that could be seen easily upon closer examination.

On some sites, you are more worried about staying in a shit neighborhood, more than a possible IED.

>>33179065
Follow up to this, if you are in an AO long enough, you start to learn the IED spots (at least in Iraq, they targeted the same spots multiple times).

My NCOs would have never let me do this sort of thing in areas where we expected boom, just did this in the more unlikely situations.

>>33171894
Wait something seems off

>>33167977
Punitive stupid shit in dangerous places is a military tradition. I remember Ernst Jünger wrote about having to stand watch in the dark fully exposed not far from an enemy trench for one of his fuckups.

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>>33179205

>>33167928
I had a captain that pissed me off. Wasn't my CO, just some peckerwood from Battalion. I kept stealing shit off his HMMWV and putting it in the burn pit. First his seat(battery cover). Then his door. Then I took a shit on the floorboard on his side. I don't think that they suspected me since none of my trucks were HMMWV's and I didn't work for the guy.

>>33178496
>>33178512
>telling a qt washing girl to fuck off from your truck when she just wants some freedombucks