How does /k/ start its job application cover letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am a man of action. I have been practicing action on this continent for almost five years now.

This is the thirtieth I've applied. I have an extensive resume of combat experience and tactical training and a degree in Art History. Please reconsider making me the ball-pit manager at Chuck E. Cheese's, I am great at isolating and extracting small crawling targets from deep cover.

-MOLON LABE

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>>32794133
Although I have yet to get any action from a member of the opposite sex, I aim to rectify that soon.

To whom in may concern,

Firstly, I'd like to start off by saying, oh man, I am so screwed financially if I don't get this job.

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>>32794124
the fuck is a cover letter

The term 'war-criminal' is thrown around a lot these days and I'd just like to start off by setting the record straight.

First and foremost, it is required by law I inform you that I am a registered sex offender.

Now that that is out of the way, etc...

Dear Sir,

I am enthusiastic about this position because I live in constant fear of black helicopters coming over the horizon and carrying me away. For you see, I too am a Reservist.

Hire me or I'll fucking kill you from 1200 meters.
Regards, your future employee or murderer.

>>32794265
What, like Biblically?

>>32794181
If you're applying for a job that requires an education, the cover letter is the opening address to the company or hiring employee that summarizes your goals and work history before they slog through a list of dates and companies that they don't care about.

>>32794248
This is far too true.
Captcha: Auschwitz.

I'm just a huge fan of not starve to death, you know?

>>32794283
The fact that he asked that tells me he won't understand your answer

>>32794283
Actually, that list of references is far more important than any kind of retarded bullshit you can put on your "motivation" section because it allows any future employer if you're a potential psychopath that will come back to the building after being fired just so you can mag dump your gun on your piece of shit ex boss.

t. former HR rep from a shitty recruitment agency.

>>32794124

Very simple:

Anon
Intelligence and Security Professional

>>32794159
I think the biggest perk of that job is that you can play at the ball pitt at night and pretend you're in nam and you walk slowly through the swamp chest deep while expecting charlie to come out of the water to slit your throat.

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helo momy said i have to get job

i am 26 years old

my favrite things to do is colering and play vidio games and i also like shoting my step dad sumtimes take me to go shoting with him and his frends

i have never had a job bafore but rest ashured i am motavated and redy to work hard

love,
anon

>>32794381
How much does a mall cop job pays?

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>>32794309
Sorry, I have a hard time connecting with poor people sometimes

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>>32794124

Dear Sir,

Prior 0311. I was in charge of a fire team. Combat yes.

What do you mean killing people with brown skin isn't a job credential?

Fuck you anyway (GI Bill) I'll be OK). Take your job and shove it.

Dear Sir,

Toby Keith is dreamy. Don't you think so?

>>32794452
>Combat yes
Try "very yes" better, it gives it an edge.

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Dear loser,

>>32794634
You lost me twinkle toes.

>>32794452
this is perfect

>>32794645
i wish that was greentext, it would be so much funnier. still good though.

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>>32794187

>>32794391
Someone might actually have sent such a letter.

>>32794181
I refuse to believe you don't know what a cover letter is.

>>32794930
Not him but I don't actually had a cover letter or even a resume. All applications for meme tier jobs are done online with simple forms now. Welcome to the X dimension.

>>32795204
What meme job (whatever the hell that means) do you perform?

>>32795277
I pressure wash floors in a supermarket while normies slumber. It's a nice college job because it never interferes with my school schedule.
Meme jobs are any jobs that have no real prerequisites. Janitorial, customer service, general labor assistant, etc.

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>>32794181

>I've never held a big boy job, the post

>>32794124
what kind of job is it OP?

>>32794124
Dear hiring lady, give me job and I'll give you the dick. pic related.


>write for your audience.

>>32794391
I'd hire the heck out of you, you adorable little shit.

>>32795277

Not him, but I'm a Paramedic and damn near everywhere does online applications these days. Irritating as hell and it seems to make everyone expect HR unhappy.

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Anyone else try to slip operating in their resume?

>>32794405

Wouldn't know.

But my life does suck, just not in that way.

Have gun.

Will shoot nazicommies.

>>32794124
My degree is in neuroscience. How many of those do you see?

>>32794344
I believe you, my bitch sister-in-law is a hiring manager.

Does anyone care about me blogposting a bit about a poor mexicunt sap who can't get a break regarding my job and my country's shitty gun laws?

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>>32795611
shitpost away!

>>32794452
Team leader can actually be played off well if you use enough buzzwords. "I have extensive experience leading a diverse group to objective completion, under a variety of internal and external stresses"

To whom it may concern,
As I lay here on this grassy knoll watching you go about your day, I couldn't help but notice the pictures of your cute children to the left of your monitor. If I were to guess, your wifes son will be an outstanding basketball player some day but if you don't reply to this letter, your mother will die in her sleep tonight.

Sincerely,
The guy whose resume you are currently looking over.

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>>32794124
Hello (potential employer),

I am writing to you about the job position you have posted. I am highly interested and capable, so long as I may have my rifle at my side. Her name is Veronica and gets along well with most. She is there mostly for my support and to provide me with advice, should it be needed. Within your organization, both Veronica and I would be of great service to you, as I am very competent in my technical field, and Veronica has always given me quality advice as to how I should operate within an organization...