Unconventional Arsenal Thread

There's a really big bag of almonds on my desk.
I have an umbrella that's kinda sharp.

Fuck I need more "totally not weapons".

>>32730491
A paper weight that totally isn't actually brass knuckles.

>>32730519
this post has been reported to the UK Center for Sharia Law Reform. Please lie down and assume the party escort position and wait for the authorities to arrive

I've got one of those big plastic Lego containers full of knives on my desk.

My gun safe also contains a can of silly string.

Basically I try and have one gun for every voice in my head, but johnny is a mean sonofabitch and the others all decided he shouldn't get a real gun.

>>32730598
>Give me attention the post.
Kys cunt.

>>32730519
>There's a really big bag of almonds on my desk.
Are they activated?

A bunch of caltrops
A can of OC spray with military grade CS gas
6M Volt Stun Gun
About 1 gigabyte of software for various purposes

>>32730491
I'm my gun safe I have a few ounces of heroin that is highly adulterated with fentanyl. any ammount would be enough to completely incapacitate if not kill a 250 pound man.

File: swordfu.webm (1MB, 640x640px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 640x640px

> swords are considered conventional now
cool

File: 0121172124.jpg (3MB, 4160x2336px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 4160x2336px

>>32730491
One is a broken piece from a metal school desk and the other is an adjustable dumbbell set with all the screws on one side obviously making it into a mace.

>>32731368

Not surprising. Fentanyl laced heroin is a growing trend that's resulted in countless overdoses in the past year or so.

>>32731554
>an adjustable dumbbell set with all the screws on one side obviously making it into a mace.

that looks like it could do serious damage

>>32732547
The kicker is that it actually doesn't produce as strong of a high, but has a much higher overdose risk. I've heard of people OD'ing after chewing fentanyl patches.

>>32732547
>>32732547
Yeah it weighs about 3 or 4 pounds

>>32731569
>>32732590

>>32730491

>Big maglite
>3W 445 nm laser
>hammer
>ceramic dagger

I like the dagger, since its easily concealable, and can get through metal detectors and is easy to hide from x-rays.

Where my hammer boys at
Claw hammer will fuck shit up

>>32731459
What the fuck is the point of twirling a sword around like that

Wooden Louisville slugger
ASP Sentry 21" baton
Fox Labs 5.3 OC spray
Kubaton

>>32732776
Show and to practice control.

File: Spike-Nail-Galvanized-12-spike-nail-59939.jpg (13KB, 500x500px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 500x500px

can i use big nails?

A 3'' diving knife and a compound bow. a bowl, a mason jar with rhubarb bits soaking in vodka, and a set of defunct Denon AH-D5000 headphones, I reckon I could choke a cunt out with the wire on those.
If you just mean improvised weapons I have access to right now.

>>32731459
>That telegraphing

I would beat her in 2 seconds

>>32732810
how big is that big nail?

File: 1466544010881.jpg (86KB, 634x495px) Image search: [Google]

86KB, 634x495px

>>32730491
Crowbars. Motherfucking crowbars. Or anything with some large reach.

File: IMG_6814.jpg (61KB, 320x240px) Image search: [Google]

61KB, 320x240px

Sjambok. It is yet to taste flesh.

>>32732847
It is a big nail.

>>32732886
for you

>>32732886
biggest nail ive seen is like 3 inches long. you can't do anything with that alone

File: $_3.jpg (58KB, 647x800px) Image search: [Google]

58KB, 647x800px

Big as fuck tent stakes?

>>32732776
>>32732829
What is dancing?
It's meant for asthetics, like those people that do ballet or whatever with ribbons on sticks

File: Flammenwerfer.jpg (554KB, 1215x1620px) Image search: [Google]

554KB, 1215x1620px

Would this be considered conventional?

>>32732547
It looks like a purpose built mace too.

>>32732958
I dunno man, tent stakes aren't particularly durable, probably even less so when you're trying to ram them into some dude's skull.

>>32730640
>Sense of humor: the post

It was funny, fuck off

>>32730491
a 50cm long dildo for wiping
that actually really hurts

>>32730491
I've been working on something

>take a bunch of strong peppers
>bake 'em up real good
>concentrate the Capsaicin (the thing that makes it spicy, also used in industrial strength mace and riot control gear)

>make colored smoke bombs (sugar+potassium nitrate+I like to add green dye to make it scary)

>stack layers of smoke powder with layers of finely ground capsaicin powder so that the smoke carries the capsaicin along with it

I've made the smoke bombs before, and I've concentrated a very small amount of capsaicin, but have not had the time to add the two together yet and find out the right combination fo the two. Also have a surplus Israeli gas mask in the mail, so hopefully after I'm done with that I can start fucking around with it.

Basically I plan to use it in case these BLM fucks ever come to my city (my city is pretty diverse (codeword for all the whites have been chased out), so far nothing bad has happened and everyone is actually pretty well behaved but all it takes is one cop shooting for the buses of professional rioters to come in and light the spark)

I took a 2x4 plank carved out a handle and sanded it to make a make shift club.

>>32734217
>used to be a chef at a country club
>had to make like a million fucking jalapeño popper things for some event
>These were fancy make from scratch things
>ended up with a giant bucket of nothing but jalapeño seeds and membrane
>alcohol extraction /reduction

The product was literally hotter than fucking hell. Not even safe to handle. I have always wondered about weaponizing it. I think some cs grenades would be handy things to have but good ones are hard to find. Would love to discover a home brew.

>>32733925
it really wasn't though. Unless you have an infants sense of humor

Long lock padlock with a hanky tied through it. wicked flail.

Assorted knives, and a slamgun if i need to make one.

I got windows 10 and some rope

>>32735491

hahaha literally lol'd. I've been drinking....

File: flamenwerfer.jpg (34KB, 398x334px) Image search: [Google]

34KB, 398x334px

>>32733571
does it werfs Flammen?

>>32730491
Cold steel special forces shovel. A crowbar. A bat. A machete

>>32735463
jalapenos arent that hot even seed oil.

>>32732913
The biggest nail I've ever seen was about a foot long

A coleman mini foldin>>32735583
g spade that doubles as a mini pick

>>32735690
... I hate my phone

>>32733571
Where do you put the bayonet?

>>32730491

A fan. Damn those blades sting.

lego pieces landmine field.

>>32731459

>Spinning is a good trick!

>>32736370

>The bottom of our foot can have over 200,000 sensory receptors and, because the Lego doesn't give way when we step on it, it instead forces the pressure of your weight back up into your foot, causing pain.

Fucking devious danes.

>>32736387
>invented just after World War 2/Nazi occupation
>Denmark hasn't been successfully invaded since
...Coincidence?

An empty Arizona bottle

>>32732865
Poo
In
Loo

File: 1.jpg (182KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

182KB, 1280x720px

Made this the other day, haven't finished the nozzle so it doesn't spray far yet, and I just used kerosene for fuel.

>>32730640
It was a joke, calm down bitch.

File: 1.jpg (2MB, 3552x2000px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 3552x2000px

>>32738228
Should I fill it with some jet fuel, and take down some towers?

>>32730491
A small pry bar, a mag light and the shit load of electrician tools I own.

>>32730491
There's a roll of quarters in my desk, I have a frying pan, I can dual wield my Nordic ski poles, liquor flask and lighter, a metal bottle opener, and a jar of pen ink for blinding the enemy.

>>32738537
Oh, and a fawn call for confusing the intruder.

>>32730491
Let's keep this glorious thread alive boys.

>>32738489
Kek.

You're supposed to use brake fluid though, it's flammable but not explosive so if the flame goes backwards the tank won't explode.

(I think it's brake fluid, in any case you're supposed to use whatever I can't remember and not fucking kerosene)

I've got two 20 pound dumbbells. However, let's be honest, anything can be a weapon if you're creative enough.

File: 1484556119358.png (201KB, 900x900px) Image search: [Google]

201KB, 900x900px

>>32731554
>That dumbell mace

God damn anon, that's a great idea. I'm going to make one myself!

File: 55-119-4.jpg (22KB, 600x354px) Image search: [Google]

22KB, 600x354px

>>32730491

>>32730491
I have a pickaxe that I use to remove hardened ice and soil to get my car out of my driveway. It'd kill a guy no problem.

Also a hammer but everybody has a hammer.

>>32731554
Holy shit, I'm making a dumbbell mace right now

File: Marriage Advice.png (48KB, 1331x341px) Image search: [Google]

48KB, 1331x341px

>>32736968
Fill it with piss, after eating asparagus.

>>32732865
thats conventional in poo in loo terms

>>32738898
T.Redfaction

File: sjambok-advisory-k-01.png (850KB, 600x1500px) Image search: [Google]

850KB, 600x1500px

>>32732865
Spotted the 'Frican.

File: 61DUEUZTYLL._SL1500_.jpg (64KB, 1500x1500px) Image search: [Google]

64KB, 1500x1500px

I took the straight portion of this pull up bar, removed the foam on the ends and it made a pretty nice short staff.

File: ed5db99f5c562df7d80ee740e853395e.jpg (19KB, 500x281px) Image search: [Google]

19KB, 500x281px

>>32730491
My favorite non-weapon weapon is definitely the climbing axe.
>looks sick as fuck
>lightweight
>won't break easily
>useful tool when not braining motherfuckers

Yeah. I know I sound like a faggot.

>>32740081
i could see problems if you were facing a horde. one head shot with the axe and its lodged in there and difficult to remove.

>>32740081
Ah yes, the Trotsky-stopper.

I once made a monkey's paw out of the lace of my shorts and put pennies in it.

>>32740296
>Improvising ugly stripper

I'd still fug you.

>>32730491
A car.

>>32735463
I once put some hot indian peppers in some grain alcohol and let it sit for a few months.
Everyone I gave it to cursed me :^)

>>32738587
brake fluid? I've heard diesel, but not brake fluid. I'll have to try that some time.

I have a section of steel fencepost, disguised as a functional bong

>>32730491
A stick.

File: Consider the following.png (681KB, 909x626px) Image search: [Google]

681KB, 909x626px

>>32738587
>>32740514
Brake fluid is super corrosive though, not the best idea

>>32741225

kek

why not just make it actually functional so you can toke while you knock someone the fuck out

>>32733571
Fuck off Kyle

>>32730491
big old vacuum cleaner tube. sturdy as fuck and telescopic, defo better than that asp shit.

intelligence is the only weapon I need

>>32739122
>broken marriage: the post

Thank fuck I wasn't a stupid inbred who knocked up some high school slut.

File: Screenshot_2017-01-22-17-25-24~01.png (377KB, 1440x767px) Image search: [Google]

377KB, 1440x767px

>>32732865
Pic related

>>32740259
>the Trotsky-stopper.
Not the best testimonial given he manage to fight the attacker, break his hand and then lived for another day.

Not the ideal outcome when using a weapon

>>32741375
it is famalam it looks like a hippy skater toy, but it will crush a skull figuratively AND literally

File: Lægtehammer.jpg (194KB, 1024x768px) Image search: [Google]

194KB, 1024x768px

>>32732776
I want this.

>>32741481
There is no ghostbuster coveralls in the picture, how do you know.

>>32730491
Potato gun
Use it to launch hand grenades beyond throwing range.

>>32741814
The wacky blue paint job

>>32741868
True, though he has wood floors in his office but maybe its somewhere else in the house.

>>32731554
ive made a dumbbell mace before. most models are pretty heavy, and the screws only make it heavier. you better be swole if you think you can do anything with it

of course, just putting it out there that you can use the screws to keep many other things in place, anything that happens to have a hole the size of the weight, or something that can be tied on

>>32741830
you could use potatoes as sabots for arrows or something.

Rheinmetall's 120mm ain't got nothing on bubba's 76.2mm po-sabot gun

>>32730691
Kek

>>32731554
weld that shit together, weld some big ass nails to the mace and bam, you have a sledgehammer with spikes and a crowbar in one

>>32735471
And what is it you find funny cock-mongler?

>>32731459
we should make sure you pick something well suited to you. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA NOPE!

>>32730491
I've got a cue-ball and a boot sock.

>>32735471
it was funny you hopeless autist

>>32730491
>Eastwing hatchet
>Eastwing Claw Hammer
>Maglight 3D cell x2
>Tire Iron
>Chisel
>Machete
>8x8 inch dildo
>9x9 inch dildo
>Solid steel prostate massager that would act like a roll of quarters

>Dildos make my gf cry when I beat her or shove them in her.

You best kill me if you're coming for us, otherwise you're liable to explain to the paramedics that you lost a fight and now have 17 square inches of American made white silicone shoved in your colon.

A deactivated M49A2 mortar shell. The fins on that thing will bash through a man's skull well enough

File: witcher2.webm (2MB, 1000x563px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 1000x563px

>>32731459
psh, amature.

>>32730491
I have the paper tube left over from wrapping presents.

You know, just incase.

File: BeefSplitterBW.jpg (169KB, 960x640px) Image search: [Google]

169KB, 960x640px

>>32730491
Beef Splitter

>>32733878
I recognise those stakes. They are solid steel and about a foot long.

>>32745105
Knives are cheating.

>>32745270
No

And it's technically not a knife.

>>32736775
Holy shit...

>>32733571
whats the range on that baby

>>32745422
It was specifically designed to chop flesh. It's basically a weapon already

>>32741940
Like a circular saw blade?

>>32730491
I use my nihilistic cynicism to wear away my enemies spirit.

>>32730491
a defective flare gun without any flares

a stabber made from a metal broom shaft and steak knife

>>32744115
My godfather has a deactivated Tomahawk in his tool shed/workshop. Uses it for talks and such. Joys of working in weapon manufacturing I guess

File: image.jpg (2MB, 3264x2448px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 3264x2448px

I have this little beauty by my bed.

File: coldsteel.jpg (96KB, 780x770px) Image search: [Google]

96KB, 780x770px

>>32735560
>Cold Steel

File: wrench.png (77KB, 965x290px) Image search: [Google]

77KB, 965x290px

>>32730491
How would a wrench such as pic related work for self/home defense?

The paper cutting end on a paper cutter
I just remove it with a few screws
Doesn't look like a weapon
You can use it like the punisher

>>32740081
It worked in Walking Dead 1

File: ss20160316at06.52.17_0.jpg (48KB, 498x528px) Image search: [Google]

48KB, 498x528px

>>32748780
>deactivated tomahawk
Have European blade laws really gotten that bad?

>>32747481
SO is everything

File: IMG_0756.jpg (82KB, 459x500px) Image search: [Google]

82KB, 459x500px

>>32730491

>>32741365
Brake cleaner would probably be better than brake fluid.

Also, it sounds like you are going to blow yourself up.

Good luck, be careful

>>32742256
Just use a smaller bore for arrows. Pack some trash in the bore, for a wad. Then just ram the arrow home.

If you use a portable air tank pressurized to 120 psi, it will put a cheaper fiberglass arrow through two layers of 1" thick plywood, and "something else" we never got that arrow back.

>>32730491
A frying pan.

Say what you want, a frying pan to the head is going to fuck you up. It's probably going to fuck you up if you put your hands up as well.

>>32751280
True my mom hit a nigger with a cast iron pan once when I was a kid. Fractured his skull pretty bad probably ended up with brain damage. Serves his ass right for breaking in during breakfast.

>have aids
>slice knuckles before a fight

come at me

>>32748957
How does Court Tennis compare to regular tennis?

>>32752035
>be clothed
>don't have open wounds
What now?

>>32752717
use the knife just recently bathed in my aids blood i guess

>>32752755
This ain't funny anymore because you triggered my assbürger's.
First, the virus doesn't survive that long outside, so if you recently bathed your blade, it might be inactivated already when you stab someone with it.
Second, each additional layer of clothing rubs away some of the blood which naturally won't enter the body.
Third, the few particles that MIGHT enter, provided they don't get stuck on the outer layer of the skin, may or may NOT cause an infection.
And last, before you can draw your blade I have punched your face in.

>/k/ in charge of being informed of anything

>>32730640
Why are you here

>>32749170
You'll need to be really close to make it work. Chefs knife would be better imo

>>32752831
not all of us actually have aids m8, sorry for you
how about a knife covered in dog shit then

File: 20170123_173810.jpg (3MB, 4032x3024px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 4032x3024px

Easily the deadliest thing in my bathroom right now

my bills, heavy af

>>32734217
I have never seen a successful coloured smoke bomb using KNO3 as the oxidiser. Link to the dye you use or have you not tried it yet?
If you want smoke bombs for clearing areas look for hexachloroethane/ZnO/Al based mixtures.

File: broken glass bat.jpg (206KB, 576x864px) Image search: [Google]

206KB, 576x864px

i dont think anyone would survive a strike from this. And if you did survive, you would probably wish you hadn't

>>32730491
im more a lover than a fighter so i tend to keep a dragon dildo handy

>>32748780
>deactivated tomahawk
What the fuck do you mean

>>32753715
He has a big ass missile in his shed designed not to go boom.

>>32730491
>Conventional weapons
>Swords

Pick one

File: boner bot.gif (2MB, 636x345px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 636x345px

>>32733571

>>32752387
Completely different game. Only similarity is that it has the word tennis in the name. "Real tennis" as it is known here. It's more like rackets and squash. Chases and hazards add to the complexity. Lots of fun but far more complicated. Often prohibitively expensive too

>>32750242
"Now Snake, try to remember the basics of CQC"

>>32730491
I could empty the contents of my coin jar into a sock.

File: 1480293902935.jpg (31KB, 600x712px) Image search: [Google]

31KB, 600x712px

>>32730519

>>32732886
For you

File: beatstick.jpg (1MB, 2081x2697px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 2081x2697px

>Go to Home Depot
>Buy a replacement handle for a tamper. They're made of ash, nice and thick and heavy.
>Cut off the bottom 30" or so, leaving the "handle" portion that narrows a bit
>Cut another inch off the business end
>Core out a few inches of the body with a 1/2" drill
>Melt down some lead and fill the cavity
>Screw the inchlong "cap" you made back onto the top using screws with aggressive heads, leave a bit sticking out the top. I also screwed on a brass strip to hide the seam.
>Find a store that sells furniture nails, basically short, fat-headed studs
>Nail them down the shaft in a regular pattern
>Don't be afraid to choke up a bit when persuading home invaders to vacate the premises

>>32753902
I'm literally retarded
I actually unironically thought you meant a hatchet and were in some cuck shithole. God I hope I accidentally kill myself before I breeed