>order pizza >its a bomb What do?

>>32572891
allahu akbar

>>32572891
Just order hot dog insted do not worry it is not actualy dog very tasty

>>32572938
t. pizza merchant

>>32572963
I do not sale pizza I sale sheths besides pizza not American I only sale good American sheth

>>32572938
ya lumploaf

>>32573128
I AM NOT LUMPLOAF YOU ARE LUMPLOAF P!$$ OFF GOBNUCKLE

>>32572891
What are toppings?

>>32573191
pain or suffering with pineapple you have no choice on pineapple

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>>32572891
>Ask the pizza guy why the box is so heavy
>His nervousness intensifies
>"What's in the box, pizza bro?"
>Spaghetti begins ejecting from his pockets
>"Oh is that from another delivery?"
>Vomit on his sweater he's nervous
>"No-o-o" He stutters "Just take the box"
>"Hold on, pizza friend, I'll get you some cash"
>"It's free, ju-ust take it" He begs
>"THAT'S STRIKE THREE, PIZZA ASSASSIN"
>I kick the box into the air, it explodes and a shower of hot steel pellets rain on us both
>I raise my bracer mounted coldsteel wrist blades to protect myself, he does the same
>We lock eyes for the half second of shrapnel rain
>We immediately lock blades
>"I WILL NOT FAIL MY MASTER" the pizza enemy yells
>I twist my heel and as if to judo hip throw him, he sees the opening I create and attempts to stab my side
>I twist back and pierce his wrist, pulling his arm upwards and twisting him so his back is to me
>"You already have..." I whisper as my free blade pierces his heart from between his shoulder blades
>"Others... will... come... for... you" were his last words
>I will be waiting

>>32572891
>>32573221
If I order a pizza, it will not have pineapple on it, that's fucking heresy. Any of you fucks who put pineapples on your pizza are fucking weak and a disgrace to mankind.

>>32573230
Kek.

>>32572891
Tell them to check for extra pepperoni like you asked.
>protip, if it has extra pepperoni it isn't a bomb. Who would put pepperoni on a bomb?

Everything is bomb

>>32572891
EODfag
Crap mass-produced training aid that unrealistically hypes the risk of boobytrap IEDs.
Who the fuck would call the bombsquad if a pizza delivery turns up at doorstep and holding them at gunpoint because pizzabox is suspected as being an IED?
>Flexible cardboard pizza box with microswitch firing switch to activate when box opens a few millimetres - box flexes and moves as pizzaboy is driving to venue, lifting it out of car and pulling arming strip, cardboard softens from heat and moisture of pizza, needs constant downward pressure on lid of box, has to keep pressing down while walking up to front door, taking the cash, making change, then handing box over at doorstep...
Assessment:
Functional=Marginal. Safe to Arm=No. Safe to deploy=No.
Fail.

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>>32572938
>tommy is back

>>32573366
This, and nice dubs.

>>32572891
pizza is bomb
delivery guy is bomb
doorbell is bomb
even bomb is bomb comrade

nyet i will not be of order american grease disc

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>>32573230

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>>32573457
>even bomb is bomb comrade

>>32573230
Forgot to place pepperoni slices over his eyes.
Payment for the gatekeeper to the underworld and a warning to others.

>>32572938
kill yourself

>>32573042
kill yourself

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>>32572938
a w fuCK ye tommy tha MAN@!!!!

>>32573165
kill yourself

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>>32573588
EODfag
>even bomb is bomb
Yep, but just because you can put an IED circuit in anything, it doesn't make everything a useful IED.
>picrelated. German zus40 the original even bomb is bomb

>>32572891
Does this make the pizza delivery guy a VBIED?

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>>32573768
It's a hard life when you realize bombs are harder than a round bit of metal and a fuze

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>>32573842
EODfag
But a lot more fun

>>32572891
Ask him to open it first to see if he got my order right or if he took a bite out of it.

I wouldn't tip.

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>>32573366
The whole website has crazy stuff like this, booby trapped mres, flashlights, soda, etc. Its a goldmine of bad ideas.

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>rock or something is a bomb

>>32574592
EODfag
Yep.
Hajjis make roadside IEDs camouflaged with glue and dirt to look kinda like rocks when driving past at speed
>need ied rock simulation training aid
Officer answer = engage procurement agency to source inert fake rock ied training aids with multimillion dollar budget and cost over-runs
SNCO answer = get Pte to collect rock from training area, drill hole, 20cents glue, 40cents old comms wire
>ied rock breaks during robot driver training
Officer answer = initiate oh&s safety case, maintenance alert, restart procurement contract for new training aid, cease training until new reengineered rock is issued and installed by specialist tech contractor
SNCO = Pte go get more comms wire...

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>>32574818
Forgot
>picrelated compared to granite training aid

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>>32573230

>>32573638
kek

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>>32573230
>"THAT'S STRIKE THREE, PIZZA ASSASSIN"

>>32573230
*slow claps*

*steps out of the shadows*

Heh... not bad, kid. Not bad at all. Your meme, I mean. It's not bad. A good first attempt. It's plenty dank... I can tell it's got some thought behind it... lots of quotable material...

But memeing isn't all sunshine and rainbows, kid. You're skilled... that much I can tell. But do you have what it takes to be a Memester? To join those esteemed meme ranks? To call yourself a member of the Ruseman's Corps? Memeing takes talent, that much is true. But more than that it takes heart. The world-class Memesters - I mean the big guys, like Johnny Hammersticks and Billy Kuahana - they're out there day and night, burning the midnight meme-oil, working tirelessly to craft that next big meme.

And you know what, kid? 99 times out of a hundred, that new meme fails. Someone dismisses it as bait, or says it's "tryhard," or ignores it as they copy/paste the latest shitpost copypasta dreamt up by those sorry excuses for cut-rate memers over at reddit. The Meme Game is rough, kid, and I don't just mean the one you just lost :^). It's a rough business, and for every artisan meme you craft in your meme bakery, some cocksucker at 9gag has a picture of a duck or some shit that a million different Johnny No-Names will attach a milion different captions to. Chin up, kid. Don't get all mopey on me. You've got skill. You've got talent. You just need to show your drive.

See you on the boards...

>I didnt order a pizza
>Shuts door in face

I mean unless the guy got a pizza delivery job and in your delivery area and waited for the day you happened to order a pizza from his specific place on a day he was working and happened to get assigned your delivery. Talk about deep cover.

>>32573248
I usually also call it heresy, but if you use cured meats with a strong salt taste as a topping, the pineapple takes the edge off the salt taste without removing it, while adding a subtle layer of sweet under it.

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>>32574818
Thats the other thing all this is super expensive most if its 500-1000 per unit that has to be more than what it costs to make a real ied

>>32574855
Seems rather dangerous to train people to disarm something that doesn't actually look like the thing they're supposed to work with

>>32577406
... what?.... it's an explosive in a rock. The most basic and dangerous ied.

>>32577426
>jesus christ marie

>>32572891
>order pizza
>its a bomb
>What do?

>Go to comet pizza, order a pizza, exchange your pizza bomb with their pizza, leave.
>Watch the news as the police investigating the scene brings out sexually tortured children.
>????
>profit

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>>32573230
PUT ME IN THE CAP

EVERYTHING IS BOMB, SERGEI

>>32572891
die in an explosion

>>32572938
that armed date thread was legitimately good.

>>32572891
eat the pizza, become bomb

>>32573366
I was wondering why the hell they would make it look like a pizza if it is just going to blow up when you lift the lid anyways?

>>32581957
Because there needs to be some levity in the bomb factory. Would be like asking why we make pie shaped bombs

>>32574571
Do they have boobytrapped toilet paper?

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>>32581957
EODfag
Because the amateur procurement geniusses that buy these crap training aids have zero EOD experience and are impressed by fake pepperoni slices.
Its the whole concept of buying 'standardised' dummy IEDs because they have a lockstep regimental mindset that can't cope with the concept that their million dollar battletruck got taken out by a PP made from carbon rods from a flat AA battery and an old busted inner tube from their own garbage pit.

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Eat the goddamn pizza.
>Die
>Go to hell
Eat the goddamn pizza.

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>>32572891

>>32574571
>Its a goldmine of bad ideas.
That's kind of the point of disinformation. They want retards to fail.

>>32574571
>I would fall for this trap
This requires introspection.

>>32580017
Thank you I take defence very seriuosly can not trust every one

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>>32573248

>>32584430
>slices
They are neat little triangle shapes.. can you really call them slices?

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>>32573230

>>32573457
But comrade, what if bomb is actually not bomb?

>>32584249
Pls post sheths

>>32585817
Then Not-bomb is probably bomb

>use jumps to keep the circut through the charge complete
>then disconnect the charge from the circut

congrats

>>32572891
Hah, joke's on them! I don't order pizza.

>>32573248
Hawaiian is the best pizza and you're just blind.

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>>32586150
EODfag
And how do you put 'jumps' on the circuit while the box is still closed, because lifting the lid about 5mm (less than the depth of the box edges) will trip that microswitch?
>hardmode without a portable xray to locate the det and power sources

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>>32586491
EODfag
>Had two numbnuts with a similar bright idea. One was to lift the lid on a shoebox reeeeally fast, and the other one was to put his hand down on the switch reeeeeeeeally fast to replace the pressure from the lid....
Hello Lefty!

>picveryrelated right bottom corner

>>32577406
Heads up, genius.
An bomb can be disguised to look like just about anything.

>>32584451
They're slices of pineapple that are then sliced again like a pizza.
Yes they're slices

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>>32586536
EODfag
Yes, but try calling your local cops to bring the bomb squad because some dick delivered you a pizza you didn't order.
As a Tech you would only see an exploding pizzabox IED as a postblast analysis and forensic reconstruction, not as a rendersafe task while some /k/unt is holding a suspect pizzabox on his front lawn.

>>32574592
What a devious trap. Drop some real MREs near some explosive rock or somethings!

>>32572938
I need some holsters Tommy. Help a guy out

>>32586658
911 operator asks you what kind of pizza is it?
>line goes dead
Call terminated.
Ignored until neighbors ring to complain about loud kaboom and smell of roasted pineapple

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>>32573230

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>EODouchefags
would this work if you couldn't get tnt?

>>32589576
Just use primer powder instead of black powder with SENSITIZING compounds

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>>32590019
what are some household sources?

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>>32573248
Fuck you bitch ass nigga I put pineapple and mushrooms on the pizza.

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>>32590520
you're all kinds of strange

>>32573805
BIDBI-VBIED
bomb in delcious box in-VBIED

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How can you tell who the bomb maker is after the bomb has detonated?

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>>32589576
EODfag
Not without a shitload of ANFO.
Bp is a low explosive, it doesn't detonate it just burns.
Detonation is the molecular breakdown occurring at over 1-2000m/sec as a pressure wave.
Burning BP will just ignite ANFO not detonate, the only way this might work is if your mass of ANFO is large - at least a few tons in a bulk container - where the burning rate may build up enough pressure that the burning rate accelerates to cross the threshold to detonation velocity. As happened with major non-nuclear detonations like Galveston Port explosion.
>https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Texas_City_disaster
>>32590958
Postblast forensics - fragments recovered will have bits of the pizza box, the bits of the battery wire and switches etc etc. All of them can be run for DNA, prints, toolmarks, solder types, maker signature marks, where parts were purchased etc
>http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-32841700
CEXC found his prints on IED components recovered, it doesnt all evaporate in the blast

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>>32572891
>order pizza
>open box
>its bees

>>32591370
damn... well there goes my smile.

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>>32591370
so handle all components with gloves and a mask?

or would an alcohol bath be enough to dissolve any oils/hair/skin traces?

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>>32573230

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>>32573248
Haha bitchboi. Pineapple pizza forever.

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>>32574571

I genuinely thought you wrote fleshlights for a second

>insert dick
>hear a click

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>>32573230
>>Vomit on his sweater he's nervous

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>>32572891
>>32573230
>>32579914

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>>32592465
and here's the non-retard edition

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>>32592349
>>insert dick
>>hear a click

>>32592349
Why would anyone use a fleshlight they find on the ground?

>>32594029
i think you underestimate soldiers

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>>32573230
>Such is life in Santa Destroy

>>32586229
>Does not include garlic
>Best pizza
Objectively wrong.

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>>32591370
What's with the French and blowing shit up in allied harbours?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halifax_Explosion

>>32572891
This is why you always take a knife and cut out the pizza from the box like a man

>>32594209
#NotAllFrenchMuslims

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>>32573230

>>32587267
I only sale law enforsment sory not sory

>>32594159
>Not including garlic in your sauce
Pssssh.......... Amateur...............

>>32574571
>tfw get lucky and grab some chili mac
>tfw it's actually a bomb

A bomb's a bad choice for close range combat

>>32573230
That was overdone and unfunny.

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>>32592349

>>32573230
ill post this on reddit XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

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>>32573230
Was at the edge of my seat through the whole thing

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>>32572891
>>32573230
Quality. Capped.

(I'll shoot the nigger who posts this on leddit.)

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>>32594209
EODfag
Sometimes even the Froggs get it right.

>>32573042
>sheth
Ohhh, now I remember this fag...

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>>32575650
Mah niggah! I like to drizzle a little barbecue sauce over the cheeze before it cooks, it bakes in pretty well that way

>>32573706
>>32573379
Dumb frog posters need to burn in a fire

>>32591370
EODfag. Your posts have been enlightening.

>>32573230
This was great

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I don't find this thread very funny.

>>32600577
maybe you should get better friends mr wells

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>>32573230

>>32572891
Pepperoni or cheese!?