What's the closest you've come to being dog food?

I(9) once tried to climb over my neighbor's fence w/ ma friend to get to his raspberry bush. I climbed over first and watched him climb over. As he was half way through he suddenly shouted: "anon, there is a fucking dog in front of you" i turn around and see a bamf 9k pound dog with like 50 skars on his face looking straight into my eyes. He just watched us climb over. I craped my pants and rushed to the fence but that stupid ass dog also started running towards us. His front teeth were like an inch away from my leg. I never actually knew people could jump over a 7 feet fence. Scince then i cant eat raspberries.

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>>32538548
not literal dogs
baka!

>>32538395
I pet a hungry dog once.

>>32538395
It involved peanut butter, that's all I'll say.

When I was a kid there was a mean dog we'd always walk by on the way to school. He would bark a bunch and chase us down the fence line. One day the gate was open and the dog ran out and chased me. It jumped on me and knocked me over but fortunately didn't bite me.

I used to work at a factory which canned various products, including dog food. I nearly fell into the machine once, which I consider the closest Ive come to becoming dog food.

>>32538395
Recruit let go off his live grenade during basic
boy were we quick to get in the ditch

>>32538686

God damn it

>>32538686
>t. gif

>>32538749
the gif was of chinks
I'm german

>>32538395
I fired a first gen Glock 22.

>>32538686

>goto range to throw grenades
>everyone is supposed to throw 12 grenades
>I'm a boot
>after 2 or 3 grenades senior marines just want to smoke in parking lot
>keep making me get in line for them
>throw about 30 grenades that day

Get out. Civilian friends ask "what's it like to throw a grenade?"

>its fucking boring man

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>>32538395
hard to tell
maybe when I smashed my bike into that car
maybe when I was so far gone on cytostatics I almost forgot to breathe
maybe one of a few fights I was in that also included knives, maces, broken bottles
I seriously don't know which was objectively the closest I've been to her, but the time I really felt her breathing down my neck is the time I almost did myself in.
> pic related, death in a titanium tube

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>>32538395
>19 years old
>On 2-lane freeway in 90s Thunderbird
>Turn and crest a hill
>Suddenly a camper van is dead stop ahead of me
>Can't swerve, anti-lock brakes do their thing
>Get love tapped on the rear bumper by a plumber van, kills my fuel pump cutoff switch
>Traffic crawls around us
>Get out of car to assess damage since car won't start
>Go to grab cellphone from car to call for tow because I don't know where the switch is
>Wake up on pavement, foot hurts
>Minivan went full speed into plumber van, pushed into my car, crumples my trunk
>Fuel switch is in the trunk, glad I wasn't looking there
>My totaled car ran over my foot on the freeway

fuck vans

>>32538846
Lel that's me and when people ask me about shooting the 240 or the 249
They expect it to be full of excitement
All I'm thinking is "I got 900 rounds to go and all this fucking brass and linkage to pickup after this. Smite me Chesty, end this suffering!"
Inb4 the ghost of Basilone brings me more ammo

>in middle school
>walking to bus stop in the morning
>coyote about 50 yards in front of me crossing the street
>stops dead and just stares at me
>ohfuckwhatdoido.png
>just figure it's probably more scared of me than I am of it
>keep walking towards it, acting as natural as I can
>it goes into the woods and does coyote things I guess

>>32538848
yea knives sound fucked
did your bike survive?

>>32538846
I know this feel. Had a demo Spendex when I was in LRS once upon a time.You can only throw so many grenades and blow up so manu claymores in a day

>>32539195
bike's pretty fucked actually, front fork and wheel are gone

>>32538848
Kill your faggot self

>>32540118
I decided against it
what now?

A jack russel terrier bit me once

>>32540003
well it's good the frame survived. hard to get a decent one.

Probly when my father was gunna double homicide suicide the family and i fought him for the gun which he just tryed shooting me with. 5 rounds went off next to my ear that night. Ringing for days.

>>32538395
German Shepherd mix fucked my face up as a two year old got neat scars still

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>>32540536
damn
did he fuck off after that?

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>>32541292
do you hate dogs nowadays? I would.

>>32538395
>helping cut down a tree with julio and franz
>Big Fucker of a tree.
>tree starts to swing on its axis
>bottom of the tree taps my lips as it flips up in the air and over.
>julio didnt say anything because he doesn't speak english and he was holding the chainsaw
>franz didnt say anything because he is austrian
>I didnt say anything and dont feel the need to.

>>32538395

> be Paramedic
> get bitten five times by dogs in 20 years
> twice was because of the same partner
> work with Stu, Stu forgets his run book in the unit
> I go back to get it so we can RFL and get the fuck back to the station
> walk out in yard...
> a dog just runs the fuck up and bites me on the leg, I dart back in house
> owners get dog under control, Stu laughs
> ten years later.....
> be working with Stu again
> be in front yard of house dealing with teenager who is retard-drunk
> Stu gets in argument with teenager's mom, I'm busy assessing the kid
> kid's sister opens the trailer door, says "Git 'em!"
> some pit/lab/yorkie/whatever mutt about 20lbs big runs out, runs around Stu and gets me on the same fucking leg
> we evacuate the scene and Stu can't call for LE because he was laughing too hard as I screamed at him
> Stu died this year
> fuck you, Stu

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>>32541792
your face ok?

you should buy a lottery ticket with that luck!

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>>32541854
lol Stu sounds like a chode.
RIP stu

>>32538395
>What's the closest you've come to being dog food?
I have two.

>Be young kid me
>Living on a high-traffic road
>Go out to get mail after school
>Look over the road before I cross
>See a large farm tractor coming up the road
>Grab mail, wait for tractor to go by
>I didn't see the fucking sedan that was too close to it
>Car stops short of me by like two inches
>I am shitting myself as I bolt back to my house
>Stupid bitch has to come by later and cry at my parents about how her being stupid almost killed me

>Senior year of high school
>Be in band
>Senior band members are offered a special trip to Essex, Montana every year basically just for fun
>Nearly 2-day train ride out there
>Stay at the Izaak Walton inn
>Inn is trackside along the BNSF Marias Pass route
>Essex is basically their pitstop, with at least four tracks
>Everywhere is mountain, but there is a peak right across the tracks from the inn
>We climb that fucker on Day 2 of our stay
>Fucking nice sunny winter day in warmer-than-Minnesota Montana
>Fast forward to the trip down
>No way down but to slide on your ass or take the slow crawling way
>Slope is relatively clear but there are trees
>Lose control of myself while sliding
>I hit something and up flipped around on my belly
>Very VERY nearly slam face-first into a tree, like centimeters away

>>32538846
I agree its boring as shit, throwing grenades is a fucking chore.

>Canadian reserves, somehow get the money for a week long live-fire ex during March
>go to grenade range because some people aren't grenade qualified yet
>get to throw 3 frags each because we're so fucking rich
>after about 2 hours we still have 2 platoons to go
>someone throws a dud, have to wait 30 mins for someone to get C4 and blow it
>not even 30 seconds after the dud is cleared, someone else throws a dud
>engineer has to drive back to the ammo dump to get more C4
>this process repeats itself for 4 hours

>>32541919

Yeah, he was a great guy. I miss the fucker.

>>32541652
We put him in rehab and i took all the firing pins out of the guns in the house and put them in my safe

>>32540253
Well, dammit

>>32541907
just had the slightest half moon cut on both sides of my bottom lip.

>>32540460
yep. just need to scrounge the money for parts.
engine's turning over nicely too

>>32543019
don't beat yourself up over it. at least you tried

>>32538395
>What's the closest you've come to being dog food?
I put peanut butter on my penis and... you know.

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>>32542665
nice

>>32538548
You triggered some memories anon.

>leaving/entering home one day
>landlord's dog is triggered by us for some reason
>I'm like... 7 years old
>BARK BARK BARK
>run like usain bolt, don't get bit

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>>32542046
it amazes me the good fortune you enjoy.

>>32543718
also the stupid fucking drivers in cities man

If someone distracted me I would eventually get hit by fucks speeding through red lights