Navy Circlejerk Thread 2: Fanroom loving edition

Is it true you can order shit off Amazon on a ship? That seems like witchcraft for someone who hasn't been on one.

>>32344145
Sure, just takes fucking forever to reach you, and the pallet with your mail may accidentally get dropped in the ocean.

>>32344145
Yeah you can, it's going to take 2 to 4 months to get if your underway, but that day the ship gets mail in the middle of a long time at sea is like fucking Christmas

So, anyone gonna dump some navy related greentext/screencaps?

>>32344070
If not for the jizz stains that would probably be the comfiest skating spot on the whole boat.


The story in the pic reminded me of a time we had a security alert.

>Security alert! Security alert! Away the security reaction force, backup reaction force...
>Response team makes way up topside
>O4 smoking like nothing is going on
>"show your ID"
>Officer he thought he was too important because he started to talk back to the guys with guns
>Security team throws him on the nonskid and proceeded to treat him like a prisoner

That officer actually tried to send them to mast for that. lol.

>Be in Navy
>playing war games with Aussie Navy
>off the coast of Aussieland
>aussies don't want us shitting on their protected reefs
>have 4-6 hour periods of time where we can't flush the toilets
>by hour 2 you are just shitting on top of a pile of shit
>unwritten rule that you leave 1 stall in each head for piss only
>always one person too good to shit on someone else's shit, uses piss stall
>Only thing worse then shitting on others shit is pissing on other people's shit
I am not talented enough to hit the mark with my eyes closed

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Also Aussie bants never end, just try doing an UnRep with them. They fire dildos at you to pass over lines

>>32344231
Oh the horrors.
We had the pipes on our toilets break one day. The entire deck was covered in pissy shit, absolutely one of the worst navy-feces experience of my life.
The other was probably when I was painting the side (lol deck) and idk what happened but I guess somehow the VCHT was accidentally discharged because shit starting shooting out the side and onto the barge I was working on.
Told my BM1 I'm done painting for today, and yall gotta buy me new boots.

>>32344070
>Be Navy
>Have 9 years in
>Never stationed on a boat
>Currently set to make it to 11 years never being on a Boat
>Such is per diem life

>>32344266
Dat AUG though.
I wonder if their guns are all rusted to hell too.

>>32344300
You sound like a female Senior Chief I had, 22 years in and first time on a boat.
Wasn't even a shore based rate...

>be onna carrier
>fucking O-7 on board the entire time we're in the Gulf
>workcenter is responsible for a hallway under the officer's quarterdeck
>asskissing department head insists it be kept immaculate, because the Admiral MIGHT walk through if he should descend to the second deck instead of going up to his quarters when coming onboard
>never see the Admiral, EVER.
>spend nights awake after 2200-0200 watch stripping, waxing, and buffing the linoleum to a mirror finish that'll last 2 hours in daytime
>get into extended shipyard repair period, expected to be years long
>ownership of the ship passed to the Admiral in charge of the shipyard
>Admiral comes through on initial tour prior to work beginning
>chews the CO's ass BECAUSE the floors are shiny
>rants to the CO about how keeping people awake just to make the floors look nice on a WARSHIP destroys morale and hurts readiness (b/c everyone's fucking tired!)
>shipyard workers destroy the linoleum and pour epoxy floors that don't need shining

>>32344340
Glorius P-3C/EP-3E Navy.... sad to see them go.
AT-O level... or stupid fucking A210 now. Currently working at an Embassy.

>>32344352
that's pretty based tbqh

>>32344352
Related story. The Reactor Officer in this story is the same one that helped cause Muddy Sunday ( >>32336099 ) by not backing up the Chief Engineer, who he knew/should have known was right. This was the Christmas before then.

>be just before my time
>onboard USS Enterprise, holiday season approaching
>work is behind schedule
>work is ALWAYS behind schedule
>Pentagon is screaming at the CO
>CO screams at Chief Engineer (ChEng) and Reactor Officer (RO, aka Crazy Joe Creed)
>ChEng explains that his men are meeting/ahead of schedule, but can't make progress due to shipyard obstructions
>RO decides a better idea than accepting blame/pushing back against blame is to cancel all Christmas leave in his department
>fast forward a few weeks
>Admiral is coming on board for a tour
>walking through plants with CO, XO, RO, ChEng, CMC, aides
>approaches a group of Reactor Mechanical MMs all working on a piece of equipment
>comes up behind them and says "Are you gentlemen excited for Christmas?"
>mechanics all turn and look
>not a one calls "Attention on deck!"
>not a one says "Good morning, Admiral!"
>the junior 2 just turn away and go back to work
>the senior one, an E-6, makes eye contact with the Admiral
>"WHAT Christmas?!"
>turns his back on him
>gets back to work
>dead silence
>pause
>Admiral turns to CO
>"Larry, why did that man just ask me 'What Christmas?'"

And that's the story of how the Admiral saved Christmas.

Reminds me of the arcane joke from when I was doing my 6 months. What's the purpose of the fences around military bases? To keep the common sense out.

>>32344836
Oh, definitely. We loved that guy. He also came down on the shipyard when they tried to play fuck fuck games with us, unlike his predecessor.

For the non-Navy, this is how Norfolk area shipyard periods work
>shipyards are in the absolute shittiest part of town, they tell you not to walk anywhere away from the fence line or bus stop or you'll be mugged/shot
>shipyard workers are only called in to work/paid when there's a ship to work on
>no ship, no pay
>no pay, no meth/crack/weed
>work NEVER progresses if there's not another ship coming in soon
>disgusting, unwashed, toothless bums (shipyard workers) hide and sleep everywhere in the boat
>they'll pick locks and cut chains to access new sleeping areas
>if a worker is disciplined or fired, the union goes on strike, and NO work gets done at all, so none are ever fired
>no parking at the shipyard, so everyone parks in remote lots and is bussed in
>busses only run when there are passengers
>a standard work day is set up everyone has to be in place from 7:30-4. Add to that commute and bussing time.
>almost no early liberty, b/c fewer busses midday, and it makes the department look bad
>"why are your people off early when we're behind schedule?!"
>end up being tasked with pointless busy work instead of training/meaningful work/going home
>however, because work needs to be done, they always want people on the boat, so compressed duty schedules
>every 3rd day, you're on the boat for 24 hours. The next day, you MIGHT get to go home at noon, and then the next day's another 12 hour shift.
It's ALL fuck fuck games, and nothing's EVER the Shipyard's fault.

>>32344070
My brother was on the GW when that fire happend, he got some award for helping put it out.

>>32345255
That was a no shit hardcore fire. Kudos to your brother. Firefighters had to pull some ballsy shit during that one. I used the final report as a teaching tool for why not to fuck around with HAZMAT.

>>32344985
boom, roasted

>>32344985
Huh... I swear I've heard this same story, only with the e6 balls deep in a turbine and can't even see who it was that was talking.

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>>32346223
Similar. I don't think the RMs own any turbines. Maybe the CTG ones...

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>>32346397
Found my cap of the admiral saving christmas, I goofed and mixed things up with that one it seems.

>>32346559
>>32344352
Holy shit. Admirals are fucking based.

T. Neverserved

>>32345204
Not in the Navy, but I live in Newport News, can confirm that you will get mugged/shot outside of the shipyards, it's rare that the area goes a day without some event.

>>32346559
Ahh, looks like I may have mixed up a few of my own details. Hell, it was 12 years ago, oh well. >>32346687

>Holy shit. Admirals are fucking based.
Well, sometimes. The CO of a ship doesn't have to deal with much oversight of their day to day dumbassedry, and the bigger the ship, the less intense the oversight. Also, since carriers have problems like active drug rings, prostitution, nuclear weapons, and securely storing 10000 plus cans of beer (which you don't want, since it implies you're not getting shore leave any time soon), there's even less protection from daily horseshit. So, it creates a lot of opportunities for any higher up who gives even 1/32 of a fuck to make some serious contributions to morale.

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>>32344070

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>>32348324

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>>32348332

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>>32348346

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>>32349416

>>32344300
know that feel.
t. sand sailor

>>32349428
Holy shit... how have I not heard that rickover story before.

>>32349569
Rickover was a nutter. Call would interview officers and tell them to do stupid shit like stand in his closet and then ignore them as he would invite in others for their interviews. If they did it, good on em, if they questioned/refused then they got the boot.

He told one candidate to "do something to piss me off". Rickover had himself a very nice detailed little sub replica on his desk... can't remember if it was a gift or not.... well the Candidate walked up, grabbed it and chucked that bitch out the window. Passed the interview.

>>32349718
The version of "piss me off" I heard was that the candidate just swept everything off Rickover's desk onto the floor. I like your version better.

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>>32349718
>He told one candidate to "do something to piss me off". Rickover had himself a very nice detailed little sub replica on his desk... can't remember if it was a gift or not.... well the Candidate walked up, grabbed it and chucked that bitch out the window. Passed the interview.
absolute madman

>>32349824
I heard this version too, just swept stuff off his desk. Heard it while I was preparing for my nuke interview funnily enough. Thank God I never actually had my interview.