Execute a hit.

"Alright, everything looks good. You have my services." She breathes a visible sigh of relief.

"And you're sure you want this guy to disappear?"

Her face hardens slightly. "I want him dead."

You give a sly grin. "Anything you want." You stand, shake her hand, and escort her out of your office.

Alone now, you lean back in your chair, light the previously toyed with cigar, and contemplate the act you are about to partake in.

How will you kill him, and what will you use so that the killing can't be traced back to you, or that big titted dame?

>TL;DR read the last paragraph

>>32215422
Shoot her. Bury her in the basement.

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>>32215442

Why does a hitman have an office? She already knows way too much. First time the cops show up at her door she is going to break down and tell them everything.

>>32215475
it sounds better than "some chick hit me up on craigslist an said kill this prick"

>>32215443
>not bricking her up behind a fake wall

Roll diplomacy to talk her out of it

OP here. Im thinking a 9mm revolver like the OP pic, so you don't drop casings everywhere.

if he lives alone, pick the lock to his house (you DO know how to pick locks right?), steal his vhs player, THEN wait for him to come home. That way you can get away faster, and it'll look like a burglary gone wrong.

afterwards melt the gun down, or swap the barrel so they can't trace it to your gun if they find you. And disassemble the TV and toss it in the dump.

>>32215511
>Not luring her there with the promise of a sample of wine

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>>32215442
Shoot her in the back of the head, then fuck her corpse and blow my dick off right as I'm about to climax, take a picture to the results and fax it to the gentleman in the photo.

>>32215422
Infiltrate his house, hide in the closet, when victim is fast asleep, a lethal overdose of heroin. No ballistic evidence to deal with, and it misdirects the police into thinking our victim was an addict.

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>>32215422
>A woman walks into your office, eyes as blue as her tits were large, blonde hair swept over her left shoulder, the end of which trying to cover her cleavage, but failing miserably.

obvious honeypot

Buy a handgun in a private sale.

Tail the mark for a while and find out when they'll be outside and relatively isolated.

When that happens, shoot them with said handgun and a nigger rigged suppressor.

File down the barrel of the gun and throw it into a deep body of water.

Use the killing to blackmail the woman into increasingly degrading sexual favors.

>>32215800

You're simultaneously over and underthinking it I think.

You really don't need a revolver (pick up your casings dumbo or shoot through a bag) and you don't need to go to so much trouble with disposal of the tv. Further TVs have to be disposed of as hazardous waste, not only are you destroying the environment you run the risk of getting seriously fucked if they see what you're doing. Just donate the TV to a local thrift store and it will disappear for good.

Picking the lock to a door? Are you serious? One nosy neighbor and you're fucked. Plus most houses just require a credit card to break into. Over and underthinking it.

What if he has a dog? Shoot it too? Sick fuck.

Plus you're going to shoot him, in his goddamn house? I can't think of a quicker way to start a manhunt for yourself. You're clearly not using a suppressor based on your choice of weapon so good fucking luck with that.

>>32215910
I like your style

>>32215948
This, OP's scenario ends with your door and shit kicked in by the local PD as soon as their undercover female officer is clear.

ice knife

>>32215800
>Steal his VHS player

I know your thread was having a fun little noir scenario but seriously what fucking year is it.

>get a cab to another city thats close by
>put hood on and carjack somebody
>drive back to house in middle of night and keep car covered in garage
>find out where target lives
>drive there in stolen car and burn his shit down
>when he runs out shoot him with a 38 revolver multiple times
>drive away and ditch/burn stolen car at abandoned area with no cameras where my legitimate vehicle is parked
>go home
>if im compromised at any time i shoot myself in the head because fuck prison

>>32216010
>most houses just require a credit card to break into

I've never seen a house without a dead bolt on main exterior doors (except sliding glass doors, which are a different challenge).

Picking a lock leaves very little obvious evidence of intrusion and on most pin lock tumblers shouldn't take more than 10 seconds if you have a bump key and know how to use it. If you have any actual locksmith tools, your job on the average door lock gets even easier.

>>32215422
This is entirely situational, and depends heavily on where the guy lives, what he does for a living, what he drives, if he has a family, etc.

I'd find a way to get him alone for 2-3 hours, and do it somewhere close to his normal routine/make it look like an accident or as part of an opportunistic crime.

I probably wouldn't use a gun.

>>32216010
police response time is 15 min or more, so i would just bolt and be gone by the time they get there. I do like your idea of shooting through a bag, although id be worried the slide would catch on the bag and jam the gun.

and unless you have a better place to shoot a guy than in his home? Unless he's an avid hunter, then you can shoot him with a durr rifle and be done with it.

Use .45 ACP to blow his entire body away, they'll be no trace left of the guy.

Completely wreck is threat on 4 chan and cyber bully him into killing himself.

>>32215511
For the love of god, anon!

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>>32215422
Shoot chick with pic related, rape corpse and store in freezer for future use until I can get it taxedermized. Trace widower and play league with him. Never mention chick.

>>32215422
>Make a dufflebag bomb with ingredients and parts bought at different stores, all with cash
>buy two Trackphones for detanation, also with cash, and 1000 minutes for each so as to not look suspicious
>wait at target's work for him to arrive
>put bomb under his car about 30 minutes or so after he goes in
>putt around the area, checking on the car every now and again
>call the detonator phone as soon as his ass touches the seat
>smash burn phone and throw it in a vat of muriatic acid

If that fails
>go full unabomber and mail him a letter bomb

>>32215422
>draw katana
>teleport behind her
>raep

>>32215800
Breaking in can lead to problems. Silent alarms alerting police, neighbors seeing you and calling police, physical evidence left behind, etc. The whole make it look like a burglary gone wrong thing is terrible, it'll be investigated heavily.

>>32215921
Again breaking in causes a host of problems. No matter how you kill him, when they find the body it'll be investigated as a homicide. If the victim doesn't show previous signs of drugs use it'll cause some questions.

>>32216103
Again holy shit
>Commit series of already risky crimes leading up to a risky crime then risk escape after committing it

>>32216430
>le 15 minute response time meme

Maybe if you live in bumfuck nowhere. Average hot call response time in my suburban area is around 3 minutes. Murphy's Law dictates the most badass cop duo in the city will be right around the corner. Point is don't count on a slow response time.

>>32216010
>sitting there for 5 minutes trying to find your casings

Those things go everywhere and you'll be shooting around furniture and stuff. You'd better count your spent rounds accurately too because the 3 you thought you shot ends up being 5 and you only picked up 3 casings.

>>32216089

>not having a VHS player

Tapes are like 25-50 cents at thrift stores. I find cheesy 80's action flicks and play them on my sony trinitron CRT in the basement on weekends. Have a few beers, maybe light up a joint, and chill out for an hour or two. Got the TV for free and the tape deck was like $4.

Before you ask, I have a blu-ray player and an LED flatscreen in the living room for shows and movies I really care about.

I also have an old walkman casette player in a shoebox somewhere.

>>32217078
I'm assuming a guy who risks life in prison for 10 grand does it often enough to actually make a living. If your modus operandi is blowing up everything in sight your cases will never go cold. They'll be looking for you forever or until they find you, which wouldn't be difficult. There are surveillance cameras where you bought your suspicious goods, records of purchases kept by the stores, and traffic cameras recording license plates around the area of the stores. A detective only has to match the purchase time with traffic camera time then look for a stupid head in a car that matches the idiot in the store.

I'll give him the classic anthrax in the maillbox

>>32217125
Alright, then I'd allahu akbar his ass.

>>32215422
If I'm a hitman with an office (?) I assume I have access to a guy who can provide me a gun and supressor that I can dump afterwords in the ocean or a lake.

Just walk up behind him when he is walking into his house and shoot him under the ear with a supressed .22, then shoot him five more times in the chest or spine when he goes down, which he will. Drive away in your nondescript car to a spot you can dump the gun, replace and dump the fake plates, and then you go home. From everything I can gather the hard part of being an assassin isn't killing someone and not getting caught, it's the getting paid and not getting caught.

>>32215442
>wait til 3 am
>plant bomb under his car
>blow it up that night as he gets home
>laugh as the dumb bitch gets arrested because she's very obviously taken out an insurance policy on him

>>32215501
and said*

Learn english you illiterate fuck

>>32215422

Poison him with pure nicotine. Then unwrap a box of nicotine patches and stick them all over his body.

Authorities will think he was trying to quit smoking and went full retard with the nicotine patches, leading to an accidental death.

Option 1: Kidnap him in his own house. Find out if he cares for anyone. Threaten to kill them if he doesn't write his own suicide note. Make it look like he offed himself.
Option 2: Find out if he goes anywhere particular in his daily schedule no one is aware of. Kid nap him there in a stolen car covered in plastidip removable spray and stolen plates.
Murder him via poisoning or strangulation. Dismember his corpse and incinerate it in purpose built furnace at 1600 degrees to ensure complete burning of his bone. Do this one arm/leg/piece at a time for a few days so not to arouse suspicion.
Take ash and dispose of it in any body of water. Bonus points if you can do this without the car being reported stolen.

>>32215442
>obtain fake id with electrician cert
>Join electric company the target subscribes to
>do mediocre work for a few months
>maybe confess to someone you had a drug problem but you're better now
>get to where you can go out on jobs by yourself
>fuck with his box one night
>go repair it, rig it to eventually burn his house down
>crash your personas car into the river with some used needles and a burner gun locked in the dash
>shoot him in the face the next day

>>32215422
a girlygoo walks into a gun store eyes as blue as her tits were blonde the end of a cleavage failed miserably over her mom's scrambled eggs

she was nerdy but you were used to nerve gas. you motion for her to drop the weapon which she promptly detains. you shit.

so what can a gun like me pay for a guy like you? bill clinton the president put a cigar in a womans vagina and smoked it while getting a blowjob.

she suddenly whips out a huge cock and you start firing your weapon but its too late. you find a picture of a manana and peel it. 300,400 pounds, reall fat. you can see taht the sun has started to set and youre running out of blood.

your mom calls and says son did you make a really gay thread on /k/ but its too late you dumb bitch im a fucking hitman now.

>Learn about the target, his routines, etc.
>when he's alone an vulnerable, suffocate him with a plastic bag
>roll up body in a tarp
>put in trunk
>get a dog from a private owner who doesn't know you
>drive out innawoods
>remove head and hands
>store those in a bag for later
>dig hole, 7-8 feet deep
>put body inside
>cover with dirt
>kill dog
>put it in the hole
>cover the rest, pack it back tightly, and maybe drive over it
>drive deeper innawoods
>remove teeth from head
>bury head
>bury hands miles from each other
>dissolve teeth at home
>wait a month, leave town, then go somewhere else

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>>32215511

>>32215422
>You are a hitman. A woman walks into your office

What hit man has an office?
>eyes as blue as her tits were large,

I'm a /k/ommando, a neckbeard starts shitposting, the thread as gay as the OP is fat

Succinylcholine

Also, this thread is cancer

>be brown and grow a mustache
>stash your passport and id somewhere in mexico or plan to mail it to yourself
>crash your uninsured unregistred salvage vehicle into him make sure hes dead
>guilty of manslaughter get deported back to mexico
>shave mustache grab your id and passport and walk on back home thru the border never grow a mustache again


or

private sale glock 21 threaded barrel and oil filter suppresor shoot him w/ gun in a plastic bag when he's alone and piss off and act normal, random crimes are almost impossible to solve if anything make it look like the broad did it. melt down barrel or go to the range right before or afterward so they dont pin stupid ballistic evidence on you if youre paranoid

>>32216089
You forgot
>disassemble TV
>after taking vcr

Op gives a lot of work man

Tail him to find out his daily routine. Find a public place he frequents that has no or few cctv cameras. 22 derringer, unload into the back of his head. Gtfo of the city/state and don't spend any of that money for at least a year.

>>32215422
>>32215442
Nigga, i aint accepting cash. I accept pussy. If you can put that cunt on me at least 10 times, i aint doin shiieett.

>take money
>possession is 9/10ths of the law
tell her it'll take a while
>wait for natural causes to assassinate him

Concrete shoes, cyanide, TNT.

>>32215422
>Not using cryptocurrency
You fucking idiot.

>>32215422
Wonder why she has a picture of me, and who is Robert Langley

>>32215871
Kek of Amontillado

suppressed nagant revolver

quick and quiet in a secluded place with my face not visible

not that hard

If I live near the ocean in scenario (I do)

Kidnap him while he is opening car door to go out at night. Restrain him and put him in a giant Yeti cooler that people wouldn't think twice about seeing wheeled across dock.

Go 40 miles out, shoot him, weight body and toss it over the side, dump gun 20 miles south, and then head back in deep clean any residues and blood on boat on way back in

>>32217096
>also carries a 1911

Why do you need to file the barrel?

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>be anon
>Finally have enough money for a .50
>Damn this thing is big
>And clunky
>And heavy
>Also where do I buy rounds for this thing
>Doesn't matter
>Learn this guys schedule
>Go set up in some big ass apartment building
>Grab my tactical 40x zoom scope with 2 knives and a grenade launcher attached
>Sexy as fuck
>Wait for an hour or 2
>Ohshitisthathim.jpg
>It is
>Look down scope while cutting myself in 4 places
>Doesn't matter I'm tacticool faggot
>And boom
>Landwhale explodes while taking out 20 nearby pedestrians and 2 food trucks
>Godfuckingdamn
>Realize I have 8 new cuts
>Whatever they will heal
>Admire smoking barrel of this beast
>Hear sirens outside
>It's swat
>These fuckers are trying to be more tacticool than me
>They can't though because im wearing my scorpion jacket with ass chaps
>Fucking Normie's
>Within seconds hear door break down
>Ohshitnigger
>They all line up perfectly
>You dun goofed
>Hip fire
>Arm is broken in 3 places, dislocate wrist
>Worth
>Round obliterates all of them
>Continues through wall
>Hits support beam
>Building collapses
Gotta love the .50