Almost died thread

Op here, I'll start:
Tonight I fell 40 ft free fall when my belated had some fucking episode. Only one of my close friends who managed to jump on the rope in time saved me from some injury.
Nearly strangled belated when I got down.

I was in the Ozarks riding UTVS with no helmet and I nearly tilled over twice , those giant rocks could of crushed my skull

Car wreck. Almost slammed into a oak tree. Paramedic asked how I didn't shit myself.

>>32000188
Does it have to be /k/ related?
>delivery driver driving back from last order of the day
>fuck huge snow storm the day before, 3 feet tall half frozen snow everywhere
>tires lose traction right before the last right turn to the restaurant parking lot
>sliding car rammed into a tree on the sidewalk
>behind the tree is a dried up pond full of snow
>car could have dived in there upside down buried by snow
>freezing weather and shock made me speg like I've never sperged before

>>32000188
Here we go.
Another LARP thread.
GET OUT

>>32000188
>Crashed into car with my bike as a kid
Wasn't paying attention and hit a car that was stopped.

>Flipped my bike a few years later (still a kid)
I slammed the brakes because a car did a "rolling stop" at a stop sign. Bike flew across the intersection and I slid about halfway through it. Was doing at least 20 mph.

>"Drifted" around a corner after hitting ice when I first started driving, managed to correct before hitting oncoming traffic
Self explanatory

>Hit a deer at 80 mph, side mirror flew through my window and struck me in the face
I live in Iowa and we have some fucking huge deer. This was a doe that was at least 150 lbs. My car was wrecked.

>Ran a PFT while still drunk
Yeah....got black out drunk the "night" before and then two hours after I went to sleep (according to roommates) I had to get up for PT.

>"Drifted" again, not sure why just that roads were wet
This time was a truck. Worst part was that I was driving in a big city so I had vehicles on both sides of me. Thankfully the area ahead was clear so they just hit the brakes while I went down the road sideways.

This is before all the instances of me falling out of trees or a number of other stupid things that could have resulted in serious injury. I just pointed out the ones where I felt that I was closest to actual death.

>>32000363
no u

>>32000340
Another BuffaloFag?

>>32000393
Since when were people from Iowa buffalo fags, I'm from Kansas so it fits Anon

>>32000411
I was asking if he was in Buffalo New York since I live there

>>32000213
Pap?

>>32000340
>>32000393
nope, not from New york

>>32000490
Just asking its sucks living in Jew York but since I live south of the city (not to far but far enough where cops don't give a fuck) area cops don't give a fuck about the safe act as long as you aren't retarded

>>32000188
i was a kid with no adult supervision in the countryside with access to farm and domestic chemicals

after watching an episode of simpsons that had chloroform in it, the one where homer controls half of the town and there is a massive berlin esk wall. so i tried making this chloroform out of rubbing alcohol and hyperchlorate but at the time i didn't understand exothermic chemistry and i didn't use an ice bath.

long story short, it blew up in my face, i breathed in a shit load of brown gas and was in hospital for weeks.

plus side is that since i have scar tissue all the way through my throat, i don't feel the burn from alcohol or smoke. makes me a made cunt at parties

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I stepped on a snek.
Couple of car accidents.

I almost ND'd a .410 into my foot as a kid, i guess?

>>32000188
>Be Me
>Deer Hunting
>Tree Stand
you get the idea

>>32000235
Unmanned Terrain Vehicles?

>>32000529
What state are you in? Damn sounds horrible

>>32000549
Manned, it was my first time driving on something jagged or slanted. Kansas is all flat

>>32000550
I'm an Australian, thinking of immigrating soon though.

>>32000574
Explains it kek. Where to?

>>32000476
?

I once tried to kill myself through willful dehydration. I made it two days before I broke down and went down the hall to the bathroom for a drink of water and a shower.

almost ripped my arm off on an engine lathe.

when they say don't leave the chuck key in a lathe, don't leave the fucking chuck key in a lathe.

>>32000583
I have plenty of money and good qualifications in chemistry now so i hope i'll be able to make it past Trumps immigration laws but if i get in i'm thinking one of the northern states like idaho or north dakota

>>32000609
That's fucking terrifying.
You wanted to kill yourself so you didn't drink water while surrounded by it.
That takes some real will power right there.
You are a frightening person.

>>32000626
Yeah, desolate as Fuck

>>32000188
>Be me
>Visiting parents
>Been having weird dreams at night
>Not sleeping well
>Can't tell real life from dreams
>Ask to go to hospital
>Wake up 4 days later
>Intubated
>Can't talk
>Find out that my CO2 levels were off the charts and I stopped breathing
>Almost died
>Stay in ICU and intubated for 3 weeks
>Now have a trache
>Forced to stay with parents until it can be taken out
>Will probably be a year.

>>32000188
>Talk about the times when you almost died.

I walked past a black person once.

>>32000697
And you lived?
How close did he get to you?
Was he playing his rape music?

>>32000655
I don't think North dakota would be to bad, id honestly like to buy a hobby farm out that way and with far less restrictive gun laws then australia it might not cost me an arm and a leg to go hunting every now and then.

>>32000741
>And you lived?
>How close did he get to you?

Not close. Thankfully, I was quicker on the draw than he was that day. He never even managed to get across the street before I put him on the ground.

>>32000188
I work around molten metal on a daily basis so i'm always in a state of almost dying

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Had appendicitis. ER thought I was drug seeking and only took it seriously after I passed out and didn't move for 8 hours. At some point I was transferred to another hospital, got a CT, and had surgery. Doc said my appendix was like tissue paper and I was incredibly close to dying. Staff at the ER were put under investigation. I'll never forgive the dumb fuckers.

Worst pain in my life honestly.

>>32002586
I know that pain. Mine ruptured at 10 at night so I got to wait for the surgeons to come back in. But I also got loaded up with morphine so it only felt like two

>>32000673
dang that sucks man, sorry to hear it.

What the hell caused your CO2 levels to be so off?

>>32000264
car wreck, flipped an S2k.
not a scratch. but fuck man my car..
nearly hit by 60 mph motorhome
tree limb broke from tree that i didnt evne fucking touch, while doing minor-league logging

>>32003014
im only 20 even..

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>>32000235
Were you the fucker scaring all the deer away from Kilgore Cemetery?

>>32000673
I'm suspecting sleep apnea?

>>32000673
Wait, what? You ask them to take you to the hospital and then you passed out?

>>32003080
I have it, and it was a factor, but they never did find the cause

>>32003118
Yes

>>32002996
They don't know

>>32000188
>Trod on tiger snake about 100km from help, sank his teeth into my boot 'nearly through'. Sorry snek, I didn't see you
>Rolled a tractor down a hill, still have no idea how I managed to eject
>Been mortared more times than I can count, but mostly indirect fire + 3rd world education and triangulation skills so dunno if that counts
>Had an AK round hit me centre-mass, plate ate that one but fuck it hurt
>Blown up by RPG, bit of shrapnel in jaw, sliced up underneath chin... few inches more and it would have been my throat
>Blown up again by RPG, back full of shrapnel and more stitches than frankenstein and lost a lot of hearing
>Attacked by irate bomb maker's assistant armed with a shovel- ok that wasn't really near death, but he really tried
>Fell out of a helicopter about 10ft up, same reflexes that can get me out of a rolling tractor also works for not landing on head
>Made a joke to Soviet Wife that she looks funny when pregnant
>Fallen off farm shed roof and managed to not break anything

Can't be smart, may as well be tough

I came within a few yards of a midair collision when I was first soloing as a student pilot. I was a fucking idiot and it almost cost me my life and the lives of a dozen others.

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>>32003241
>>Made a joke to Soviet Wife that she looks funny when pregnant

>>32000188
An F-4E Phantom II crashed about 1000 feet from my house when I was 6 months old.

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chasing a ground in a 440 system

weeeeeeeee

lost faith in all LOTO systems after that. now i have my own: i shut down everything harder than president madagascar

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>>32003267
No, you don't understand the 'cold rage', its like being tied down in front of a glacier

>>32003278
>440 system
I used to work with this yank elec engineer, who also somehow managed to at one point in his life worked for NASA. His way of finding bad grounds was to lick his finger and slap the offending bit of machinery.

This is stupid kids, don't do it even if old fellas think its safe

I was almost killed in a Fire at fast food chain
> Crew going out for bottle swap
>Last one out.
>Got tangled in hanging wire, by the time i realized, i was cinched up like a fucking hog.
> Couldnt reach radio or tools because tied up.
>Vibralert.wav
>pass alarm.wmv
>"D" pipeman finds me, asks if i want help
>Har har
>Extrication
>~10 mins later roof collapses where i was trapped a/c unit would have killed me.

been taken to the hospital for alcohol intoxication a couple of times
been told I'm lucky to be alive but I barely remember it so it doesn't feel like it counts

I don't visit this board much

i got shot by my best friend
AMA

we are still friends by the way

>>32003996
accident or on purpose? how much alcohol in blood?

>>32003380
Meh, at most he's only getting 277 VAC.

Guy I worked with managed to electrocute himself with three legs of 480 VAC plus the ground. How? he was showing his customer how unsafe having a live piece of SO cord is...and turned to talk to someone else. The SO cord slid in his hand and he got hit with all three legs.

He said it felt like his upper body was completely paralyzed, so he ran, and the wires fell out of his hand. He collapsed and was hospitalized for 24 hours and released. No heart damage, some burns on his hand.

The best part of the story was how my normally stoic boss completely lost his shit over it.

>>32000188
OK
>Be me, around 5 or 6
>Swimming in a creek with family
>Don't know how, but get drift into a concrete pipe
>Don't know how long I was in there
>Somehow come out the other side with coconut shells filled with small crabs

I never asked them how that happened, but the thought of that pipe possibly not having an above ground exit bugs me.

>>32004027
if that was for above
.518 the first time .44 something the second
Neither were intentional but I don't have a very high regard for self preservation

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>>32000188
Getting a 5 ton vehicle with a 2 ton trailer up those goddamn mountains in Korea. Almost died so many times.

Ever open your door as a driver to see how much clearance you have because the other side of your vehicle is scrapping along the cliff wall on the passenger side to see nothing below you but a sheer vertical drop of hundreds of feet and feel your fuck huge vehicle start to sway over the edge just because of you leaning out the door? Fun times.

dumped two big spoons of dry milo into my mouth a few years ago

>>32000529
That sounds AWESOME

Reserve training is fun, especially with 25 year old LMG's.

>doing live-fire exercise one weekend
>solo, jungle-lanes, section, etc.
>doing jungle lanes with a new private who has the C9
>everything's going smooth, taking bounds and shooting the targets
>take cover behind a concrete barrier to cover gunner
>he fires off 1 more burst before getting up to bound again
>notice his burst is long as fuck, glance to see what the fuck hes doing
>see the firing C9 start to point towards me as he yanks on the belt to stop the runaway gun
>fucking dive around the concrete barrier just before a burst of rounds hit where I was

Turns out when buddy squeezed off the burst before bounding, the entire trigger-mechanism + pistol grip came right off as he lifted the gun and it just started spraying like a garden hose. The retaining pin had broke somehow.

>>32000549
"Utility Task Vehicle"

It's a catchall for just about anything that's a side by side 4 (or more) wheeled vehicle with a rops cage. John Deere Gators, Polaris Rangers, shit like that.

dunno why stuff like the arctic wildcats fall under the umbrella though, all they're good for is racing around dunes, can't carry hardly any tools in them.

Anyway, back on topic, fell off a flatbed truck and a lawnmower damn near rolled off the truck after me once.... that's actually happened to me twice now that I think about it.

Let's see..... another one I can think of off the top of my head, fell off a moving catamaran at scout camp. got caught up in a line and ended up getting dragged for a half mile. Managed to "climb" up the rope, back onto the catamaran and punched the guy who was supposed to be watching so no one fell off and nearly got killed that way in the back of the head.


Slid down a 80% slope consisting of of ninebark ceanothsus and soft dirt. Finally stop at the bottom and something just screams "move away from where you are" in the back of my head. Jump out into the creek and a few moments later a yellow pine log the size of a fridge lands where I was. Did find an intact jerry can in the creekbottom though.

>>32003241
I took a few rounds of x39 to some of the fancy ceramic plates and was up and running in about two seconds, I took a pistol round with issue plates and needed CPR. What the duck is wrong with those things. I'm glad to hear I'm not just a bitch.

>>32000188

Was driving on the highway at 70 mph, sudden downpour put enough water on the ground for my car to Hyrdoplane, went into the railing instantly, and only the side impact airbags deployed. front airbag didn't deploy (Got the Notice from Honda 2 days before the crash saying the front air bag might be fault).

There where cars all around me but I didn't hit one. I went strait into the railing bounced back into the highway and then back slid back into the railing....


The worst part about it is that if the railing wasn't fucking there I would of just drove into an Empty field and my car would of been fine.... And Hurray for having to pay the city $1,400 to fix that part of the railing

>>32000626
Pretty sure we want immigrants qualified in sciences. Pretty sure all those illegal mexicans crossing over are not neurosurgeons.

>>32003241
Is this your theme song?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=n3Mn6V1IzHw

>>32004171
>
Ever open your door as a driver to see how much clearance you have because the other side of your vehicle is scrapping along the cliff wall on the passenger side to see nothing below you but a sheer vertical drop of hundreds of feet and feel your fuck huge vehicle start to sway over the edge just because of you leaning out the door?
funnily enough, I know that feel. Never had to do anything like that with a vehicle as big as yours, though

>>32000188
almost got eaten by a bear while camping since i left my m9 in the car like a dumbass

>>32005060
all i want is immigrants who value the constitution and western civilization. i could care less about their technical qualifications.

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>>32000536
what? did some one think you were a tree deer?

>>32000536
a deer charged you?

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>>32000747
NoDak here. Come on up. These old farmers are running out of people to banter with. It's becoming a lost art here.

>>32005135
Thats fine and all, but the ones with no means to really put themselves into a job and finacial security will more easily fall prey to liberal candy and lollipops.
Not to mention when you're in some different country and no money, you tend to stick with your bubble of other struggling countrymen, less exposure to American values.

Got food poisoning

Started shitting my guts out at 3am
Looks like I have to puke too
Don't really feel like throwing up all over myself on the shitter
Climb in shower
On hands and knees spewing out of both ends
Dry heaving
Literally shitting clear liquid after awhile

Jesus fucking Christ

Turn water on and just sit and think about my life for awhile

Round 2

Assume the position and dry heave and shit more liquid

Fuck is this how it ends

Clean myself up

Go back to bed

Go to ready medical in morning for anti diarrhea or anti vomit medication to at least put a lid on one end

Proceed to blow more liquid shit out my ass in their toilet

Jesus Christ can't even wipe my fucking asshole anymore it's been so wrecked by the last 8 hours of high pressure shit spray

Get meds

Go home

So hungry now that my bowels are literally empty

Eat yogurt

Intestines now disbacteriosis because shit and vomit was so violent literally cleaned me out too much

Spend next few days liquid shitting

Over 4-5 days drop 18lbs

Over next 6 months disbacteriosis sucks ass and have weak stomach

Couple years later here I am. Stomach never quite the same though

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>>32004449
>What the duck is wrong with those things.
Dunno if there's some flex in them where the ceramic has none, they're a "slightly better alternative to being shot" might be the best description. No real lasting damage but it was like taking a really good punch to the solar plexus left me low on gas for quite a while. CPR I could easily believe because a severe blow to the heart can fibrillate it

>>32005060
>not neurosurgeons.
"Hi everybody!"

>>32005161
Fargo here. Nice place. Lots of immigrants

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>>32000188
>heavy rain after a few months of dry heat
>roads slick as fuck
>tires had plenty of tread, didn't realize the rubber was rock hard
>driving to work through the twisties
>taking the corners faster than I should have
>rear end loses traction
>fwd shitbox decides to start going sideways
>try to keep it in my lane so I don't hit anyone
>smash the front into an embankment
>DO A BARREL ROLL

No joke, I managed to flip a Starlet.

>>32005171
Any idea what you at that would cause that? Sounds a lot worse than your average case of food poisoning.

>>32005253
It was pork or chicken or both from the previous night from a restaurant I had been at

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>>32005249
Landed it on its wheels, facing forwards, and kept on driving with an arm full of glass until I could park it up somewhere safe.

That was about two and a half years ago, still got scars on my arm and hand from having all the window glass removed.

I can distinctly remember thinking right as the car started going sideways, "Is this really happening? This is really happening. God, I've fucked up."

>>32005122
>m9
Bear would have stuck that thing up your ass and then eaten you

my sister pushed me down a flight of stairs when i was ten and she was 8

>>32000188
The helicopter I was riding crashed. Only got few scratches though

>>32000609
>suicide by willful dehydration
That's fucking brutal, any other stories about that?

>be cook working at beach club
>starting up the kitchen at 10 Am, first to arrive
>expected to be the busiest day of the week
>sniff sniff
>smells kinda funny here
>don't fire up stoves just yet
>manager arrives, normally chill, but he had a shit night last night with some drunken brit bongs
>he's pretty pissed I didn't start up yet and tries to fire the stoves
>body block him and he finally gets the message
>sniff sniff
>holy shit
>check the gas
>the connection tube slipped off, wasn't connected properly by part timer
>0 gas pressure
>the freshly refilled gas container was emptied over night in the building
>manager was 10 centimeters off lighting the fire
>rinse and repeat with the other staff arriving, have to keep fucking telling them not to light up a cigarette like a retard
I have no idea if there was enough gas in the building to actually light fire, since its been open all night but it sure smelled like it.

>>32005241
Go to bed cuz

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>rainy day in april
>just picked up birthday present for sister
>driving to work in shit ass 93 accord manual
>low on time so speeding like a mofo
>go around a freeway interchange ramp that's shaped kinda like a flower petal
>suggested speed 30mph
>my speed 50 mph
>turning wheel when I realize I have no traction
>tokyo drift mode
>somehow drift around the turn
>gain traction again
>car swerves hard to right,
>right towards edge of over-pass, probably around 50ft drop into 80mph traffic below
>correct and somehow manage to not swerve into lane of traffic on left of me
>let out a few vulgar phrases
In retrospect it was kinda fun, the rush afterwards was amazing. I made it to work on time and I still speed.

>>32000188
>First day doing IV's in one of the local trauma 1's green rooms (ER prep)
> IV after IV with no problems.
>don't apply enough pressure to skinny nervous looking guy who bleeds all over the damn place.
>guy says HIV+
>heart pounding while mopping up liquid death with paper towels after securing hemostasis.
>always follow protocol
>No AIDS/HIV for this anon.

>>32005268
That's crazy man, nice fucking 10 point landing.

>Innastan onna VCP
>VCP other side of the COP, 500m away, starts taking fire
>Not my problem.
>Cpl says, hey I think we're taking fire
>Says I, nah man, they're shooting at [other VCP], we're good. They never shoot this side.
>Cpl says, I hear the rounds going past
>Says I, they're shooting high across the way, no where near us
>Back and forth a couple times standing maybe ten meters apart before
>Bullet skips across the dirt between us. Cpl looks at me, I open my mouth.
>Bullet two is much closer
>Much, much closer. My sandbags close.
>Haul ass into the MRAP and tell the up gun to scan the area we think it came from
>Nothing else comes our way for 20 mins and we open back up for buisness
>I light a cigarette "They still weren't shooting at us, cpl, this is the good side of the canal"
>Shut the fuck up, anon

>>32000529
>plus side is that since i have scar tissue all the way through my throat, i don't feel the burn from alcohol or smoke. makes me a made cunt at parties
baller

>>32005623
it is really cool but whenever i get a cold, fuck it destroys me.

I've had some not so great experiences with boats and thunder/lightning

>be kid
>visit uncle that lives next to lake
>go fishing with even younger brother and uncle
>after a while "hm those clouds doesn't look to good..."
>BANG
>lightning strikes like 10m behind us
>uncle begins rowing like a mofo
>fuck the dock we're just want to get to land
>RUN back to the house as thunder strike all around us

>be older, 18 or so
>me and my friends go out, on the sea this time for some fishing
>cut the engine and have good time
>just for a short while
>"hey what are those clouds?"
>"maybe we should head back?"
>"fine"
>boat doesn't start
>nervous laughter
>no oars
>more nervous laughter
>see more clouds approach from 2 other directions
>this is exactly how stupid young men die
>i get actual anxiety, only time i've had this
>we get super lucky that the clouds just avoid us

>>32004324
fug

>>32005122
how being absent minded saved anon from being a retard


>>32005171
happened to me once in asia
I suspect that bacteria repopulation of my digestive system would help a lot; but it's something western medicine shies away from

you should have been on IV early on though for the fluid loss

>>32000188
I was riding out of my high school when I was 15 (i'm 23 now). My bike had those curved end pieces coming off the straight bars, like pic related.

My school had a small pathway exit, with two log posts planted into the gate entrance to stop motorbikes getting in (weird as fuck desu). I was coming through those fairly fast, and there's signage for cars to slow down around that area at the times we kids got out of school.

So here I am zipping out as fast as I can because I wanna get home and play some WoW and CnC Generals, and some arsehole comes speeding down the road at 90km an hour on a street that is 60kph in normal times, and 40kph at start and end of student school hours.

As i hit the slight ramp to go down the car speeds into view, and as my brakes were fucked (they slowed the bike down, they didn't stop it), I had to option but to turn my front wheel so I would instead fall down on the spot.

Two things happened: My head smashed into the curb, and my bike's bar (which had lost the cap years ago) swung around and stabbed into my knee.

I lose a good chunk of flesh off my knee (could see bone and tendon underneath, it hit the corner of my knee and basically scooped the flesh away) and got knocked out straight away. Car didn't hit me though, it was less than a meter from hitting me.

Was out of school for two days. I got to play fuckloads of WoW and CnC it was great.

Got another one as well. Nothing firearms related though, unless you count the time my buddy put the bolt in his dad's enfield and pointed it at me, and I grabbed it off him on instinct. Pulled the bolt up and back and a .303 shell bounced out onto the floor.

>inna suburbs
>in woods behind friends house
>looking at tree for tree house
>hear vaguely familiar sound of bullets spinning by
>look at tree
>rounds passing through the leaves randomly at face level 2 feet away
>dip

turns out his neighbor was just busting ass at some squirrels a few houses over with a .22

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>>32005820
Forgot pic.

Second time I almost died was a bit less of a story.

Was carrying by brother down the stairs in my mum/step dad's flat. He was only about 6-8 months old, had to carry him on some blanket wrap thing that's all I remember.

After taking the first step, we had another step that was a bit wonky, so I normally take an extra step instead of stepping on that one. Only problem is I don't normally carry a small child down the stairs, so I missed the step and started tumbling.

I fell head first into the wall on the landing in the middle of the staircase. Hard brick wall. Didn't feel much to be honest, but I was bleeding a lot. I was like, 10? 10 or 11. Didn't feel much pain but my head was wet and warm.

My brother was perfectly fine. As I fell, I held my brother close and basically clenched up into a ball. At least, that's what my mum said. I was knocked out for a bit after I hit the wall.

My mum's always said I had a thick head. Guess she was right, head wounds just don't affect me much.

she took us straight to the doctors. My brother was fine, doctor said if I hadn't held him like I did he probably would have died. He was surprised I didn't have a fractured skull (they did a quick XRay IIRC.) I needed something like 10 stitches on my head though, so my mum had to shave my head because I had a ridiculous chunk of hair missing.

I got to have extra ice cream so it was worth it.

I got a unique one, /k/inda related

>be me, white teenager in rural northwest
>late at night, left party to drive home super drunk "friend"
>totally sober, just doing a favor
>driving all over town because 1) Lenny is really drunk and doesn't give directions well and 2) I'm not a townie, I just go to school there.
>drive across tracks, Lenny says for the 2nd time "no the other side of the tracks"
>decide to cut through alleyway, surprised to see like 4 dark cop cars on each side of alley.
>all the cops in Elmore county
>tight fit, but squeeze through like a boss
>cross tracks again, barely get to the other side when...
>cops surround my car on all sides, lights blazing
>oh shit I scraped one of their cars fuck me
>cops jump out with guns drawn
>ruh roh raggy
>staring down the barrels of shotguns and pistols
>wtf did you do Lenny?
>lenny is passed the fuck out
>hands up, gulp

If you've never had a bunch of guns pointed at you by twitchy county cops hopped up on adrenaline, it's a terrifying prospect.

>cops just stand there, don't approach
>finally one approaches and I recognize a state trooper whose wife was my teacher
>he recognizes me and goes ghost white, tells all the idiot cops to lower their guns immediately
>had his wife's star student at gunpoint
>doesn't even ask for my license and registration, sends me on my way
>apparently mistook me for a local miscreant who was trying to run over Mexicans walking on the sidewalk
>too bad there isn't some way for cops to determine the identity of a car based on some item required to be on the car at all times...Oh wel

These same dumb cops tazed a buddy of mine for making his girlfriend scream and not in a bad way. They had to pay out pretty hard on that one.

>>32005268
>kept driving with an arm full of glass

Bad-ass or just too fucking stubborn?

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>>32000188
My little brother found one of my uncle's gun's outside of the safe somehow and played pretend with it, pulled the trigger. Safety was on. Snagged it from his hands. Was loaded.

Nearly shat myself right there. I bitched at my uncle so much I made him change his safe and told him that if something like this happened again I would never visit again.

Just thinking about it makes me angry.

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>>32000188
Hit a Roo at 120kmp/h in the middle of bum fuck nowhere in a Hyundai van, fucker went through the dead centre of the windshield and flew right past me and coworker into the back of the van. I reckon a foot either way and it would have killed one of us, some how the cunt wasn't dead on impact either.

>>32005893
Adrenaline, I didn't even notice my injuries until I was able to pull over, which was probably only half a km. The scariest part was driving in heavy rain with a windscreen that was basically 50% visibility thanks to all the cracks in it.

>>32005561
I'm lucky I didn't go sideways into a tree or fly off the road and into the valley below.

>>32005897
Fgt

>>32005917
When you have a .45 pointed at your face by a trigger happy kid with a loaded gun you don't think it's funny at all.

It was much more infuriating and scary than any of the car accidents I've had.

>>32005897
>played pretend

>letting him develop an impression of guns based off of tv and video games

>>32000574
To Antarctica?

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>>32003241
>>Attacked by irate bomb maker's assistant armed with a shovel- ok that wasn't really near death, but he really tried

>>32005897
Why would people store their guns loaded?

>>32000363
>tripfag
You go and stay go

>>32005923
I don't live with the kid, he was 6 and at the time I was 20 and already living away from home for almost two years.

>>32005945
I have no clue, I kept asking him why he had a loaded gun lying around the house when he knew the kid was coming over.
I don't care if the kids are not around, but if you know a 6 year old is coming over you just don't leave your guns loaded. Hell don't even leave ammo nearby, children are not dumb and they might actually figure out how to load a gun if they've seen enough tv and games.

If I lived alone though I would probably leave my guns loaded, instead of with a loaded magazine lying nearby.

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>>32000393
>>32000443
>>32000518
I'm a fellow Buffalofag. Just getting into funs so I am interested in where you shoot and what your collection looks like.

>>32000188
Bought a used Remington 870 with 200 shells of assorted slugs, buckshot and some snapcaps.

>We're all 21, hanging out at my place playing video games.
>Play a lot of airshit. We're all knowledgeable enough on guns.
>Though, strangely enough, Simon's sorta nofuns allowed. Was totally against me buying an AK, but is finger fucking my newly purchased 870.
>I go to restroom.
>Come back into my room, Simon points my 870 right at my face.
>He tries to pull trigger.
>I freeze for a moment, unsure how to comprehend this.
>I snatched the gun out of his hands, safety is on, rack the slide, a slug comes flying out.
>Everyone in the room is silent.
>Have to give him the whole "Never point a firearm at anything unless you intend to destroy it." lecture.
>He gets real defensive., and says he thought it was a snapcap.

That day, Simon almost ventilated my face. Luckily enough, we all stopped hanging out with him, he's a dick.

Another one
>Be cleaning AK in my room.
>Friends like coming over a lot, since I'm the "asian guy with lots of cool guns and airsoft".
>One friend brings along another friend "Jason" that wants to see my guns too.
>Jason took his dad's revolver.
>Wants to show it off to us.
>Starts waving it around, I try to get him to stop.
>Points it at me, pulls the trigger 3 times, and laughs.
>Ijustdon'tknowwhattodohere.
>Jason: What? It's not loaded.
>I kick him out of my house.

>>32005975
Shit like this is why attending firearms safety and handling courses is mandatory to get a license in 'straya.

>>32002586
>didn't rule out the most basic fucking diagnosis

>>32002630
>having to wait for surgeons after a perf'd appendix

damn, which shitholes do you guys live in

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>be 10 years old
>figure out if I lay under my bed and push it lifts easily enough
>rofl so stronk
>brother comes into the room and jumps on the bed while it's descending, landing feet first
>bed leg nearly crushes my face in


Now that I look back there's a lot of times that I could have died being stupid as a kid. Everyday a friend and I used to jump over this uncovered pit that looked pretty deep. Dropped a rock and it took 2-3 seconds to hit bottom.

>>32005648
I know these feels.

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>>32005975
This is how I got shot in the face. Incompetent idiots with guns, man.

Never nearly died, but I've had a few close calls with major injury or possibly dying.

> 200ft above the sea, 90NM from a suitable airport in a piston-engine twin, engine failure. Single-engined transit back to that airport, with max power on the remaining engine just barely enough to maintain height. 90 minute transit, climbed up to 800ft on the way.

>Passenger in girlfriend's car, on a snowy motorway. She hadn't been licensed for very long - was functionally a decent driver but not an experienced one. I was looking ahead and saw brake lights coming on rapidly; a couple of cars had collided. Was watching the cars in front of us skid to a stop and hit each car in turn. We were doing 110km/h as she rolled off the throttle after noticing the brake lights. She's hit the brakes hard, and we're slowing under ABS but it's abundantly clear we're not going to stop in time. She had tunnel vision - was hard on the pedal but not looking for other options, so I grabbed the wheel from the passenger seat and steered us around the crash into the next lane. Read later a couple of the people (probably the first couple of cars) died.

>Night circuits in a remote airfield, shitty weather in the terminal area. 100ft off the runway and an engine failure occurred. Held to burn off some fuel and wait for the volunteer firefighters to make it out to the field, landed safely.

>>32003014
That poor S2K :(

>>32000574
Fuck off were full m8.

>>32002586
After my old man went through cancer, I learned the hospital system is total bullshit. I had a few times that I wanted to pull in the nearest staff member into the room for an ass kicking

>>32003241
>He really tried.
For whatever reason I pictured a man let just hitting you playfully with a plastic shovel.

>>32004324
I had a PKM do that to me a few months back at a private area. I'm not a big dude, but thankfully I was crouched when firing like Rambo - so I yelled to my buddy, "push my fucking back!"

I fell forward into a super ugly prone position where I was more like chesting the stock than shouldering it. - I shot the living fuck out of that berm though.

>be 11 inna bahamas
>swimming with dolphins is cool as shit
>about 50 yards from shore chillin
>feel a sting across my chest
>holy fuck the pain
>wake up on the beach to some local pouring ammonia on my chest
>and something that smells like piss
>what the fuck it is piss
>apparently that shit helped, maybe i just got pissed on
>pass out again
>wake up in car speeding down a dirt road
>arrive at the only doctors office on the island
>doctor isn't there, some local says he's at the bar
>pass out
>wake up on a bar with a bunch of drunk bahamians staring at me
>pass out again, wake up hours later in cabin i was staying at

Apparently I got stung by a deadly sea creature and some drunk doctor saved me on a dirty bar in the Bahamas.

>IED Goes off
>Shrapnel size of my fist smacks my gun truck behind me
>Could've easily been a high femoral laceration

Wew lad. Still get sweats from it today.

Pretty tame, but it could have been way worse.

>working at scout camp in OK as lifeguard
>BFE, shitty mountains, small river
>small undamed river
>camp's only swimming area is said river, facilitated by floating docks secured to either side by rope
>partly cloudy, but hear weather reports of big storms to north
>kids are swimming, some canoeing a bit downstream, normal day pretty much
>nope
>afternoon comes, free swim
>water moccasin comes casually swimming by
>call kids out of water, get machete ready if it gets close, pretty normal occurence because river
>about to let kids back in water
>another comes swimming by
>and another
>and another
>what the everloving fuck
>water is pretty murky normally, but starts to take on a red-brown color
>oh shit, here we go
>close swimming area, other lifeguards start hauling in boats
>water is noticeably higher now, maybe a foot
>water all muddy now
>call for other staff to help haul canoes and rowboats up hill
>mild floods happen every other year or so, so most of the time we leave docks in water, as they usually ride it out
>this was not one of those times

Cont.

>>32006671

>water getting higher very quickly
>up 2 feet now in a few minutes
>start to see small debris coming down river
>3 feet
>ok, boys, this is gonna be a good one
>make the call to bring in the docks
>all hands on deck because these fuckers weigh a couple hundred lbs a piece
>start unbolting sections so we can drag them out
>two smaller docks floating out 75 feet from main docks
>normally we just untie them and let them float to other side of river until flood passes
>let them loose
>haul big dock sections up onto bank
>staff starts carrying sections up 15 foot embankment
>shouldbefine.jpg
>almost done hauling everything up hill
>water is up 4 or 5 feet now
>look across river at other docks
>one nearly completely submerged by force of water
>have to untie them and bring them back otherwise rope will break and we'll lose them
>grab two other guards and a canoe
>water moving fast now, debris looking bigger
>we paddle across to the upstream mooring, they let me off on a 20 ft rock outcropping we secure the docks to
>they start moving to second tiedown about 150 ft downriver
>climb up rock outcropping
>rope is tied to 2 inch iron pipe hammered into crack
>start untieing the clusterfuck that some dumbass tied around this post, because apparently lmaowhoknowsknots?
>water rising much faster now

Cont.

>>32006829
>rope is ultra taut now, hear creaking as it stretches tighter under the force of the 300 lb dock being fucking blasted by the water
>takes for fucking ever
>we had towed a long rope with us to haul them in from the other bank
>tie it off to mooring line, other guards have finished untieing other line
>they start trying to paddle back to my rock
>hear sudden pop
>rope snapped off the dock, can only watch as they go flying off downriver
>well shit
>other guys still trying to paddle back up to get me
>not making any headway
>river is rising very fast now
>my normally 20 foot outcrop is now only 10
>behind me is a 50 foot rock face, water is already up over gap between them, so no way I can climb up that way
>this is only gonna get worse
>small tree goes floating by
>water is raging hard now
>no way the canoe is gonna make it back to me
>no way to know how high water is gonna rise
>well, time to go
>tie rope we towed over across body
>staff on other side ready to pull me in
>climb down and make it into water
>start swimming my hardest toward other bank
>all the sudden feel a thump on my chest knocking my breath out
>dragged under water
>hit by something else
>big ass log probably
>no sense of direction, cant tell which way is up
>under water for indeterminate period of time, panic
>knew this was it
>hit surface
>they manage to drag me ashore
>no injuries but a few cuts, lifejacket a little fucked

Turns out the water rose over my rock outcrop, nearly 25 feet of water. Everything we had moved up the hill floated away that night without our knowledge, so we had to wait until the water went down to go try to recover our stuff. We canoed about 10 miles downriver and found most of our rowboats and canoes and half of the dock pieces.

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>>32006303
In hindsight it was a slightly more comical run of events, at the time it sure as hell wasn't!

>Roll up on the supposed bomb factory at 4am
>I've got half a platoon of mildly psychotic lunatics charging in and ruining someone's house looking for bombs
>Stuck on the radio back to base to check in with CO about some shit or another and it just a corporal on another truck covering the perimeter
>Various screaming and yelling inside
>Being default 'wtf is this stuff' and full time 'sir I busted my stuff, please fix' guy for the team, Sgt Cranky has found something and would like me to have a look
>Climb up on the truck, jump on top of the surrounding wall, drop down in Mohammed McBombs backyard

>Halfway across the yard, Cpl on the .50 yells something, I turn around
>A wild eyed manlet has come screaming out of Mohammed's back shed armed with a shovel that was almost as big as he was
>He gets 4 paces, trips arsehole over earhole on some junk, shovel goes flying and hits me square in the left knee
>Stepped 2 paces forward and sink my boot in Mohammed Manlet's face
>I have honestly never kicked anything (or anyone) as hard as his head to the extent it still kind of disturbs me a bit
>He doesn't move, Cpl has it covered and go inside

>Sgt Cranky lost his shit with the guys who where doing backyard clearance
>Some are near tears
>We find bomb bits and managed to successfully (by more arse than class) capture 2 IED manufacturers

There was also the time Sgt Cranky rammed a motorcycle off the road which had its panniers full of enough mortar shells to vaporise us into moon dust. That was also incidentally the last time I let him drive my truck, crazy bastard used to get so angry I reckon you could have cooked eggs on him at full hate mode if he stood still long enough.

>>32006972
Sgt Cranky is my hero

As for me
>going about 75mph on the freeway
>changed lanes without checking my blind spot
> then hear a ton of honking and see a car furiously braking behind me
>I almost hit him when I changed lanes
> we were going fast enough that I really don't know what would have happened if he hadn't reacted quickly

Always always always check your blind spot, even when you're in the middle of bumfuck nowhere

>>32002586
Had mine start getting to the "Oh God I'm dying" stage when I was around 10ish, on a Monday night. Mom almost made me go to school the next day, but caved when I could barely move. Doctor said if she had made me go, it would have ruptured and I'd be dead or some shit.

>>32000213
belated?

>>32006964

What camp? I worked at Slippery Balls for a while.

>>32005470
I was a nogunz on Long Island on a college campus at the time. It was pretty much either that, jumping off something, or playing in traffic on the expressway.

>>32007055
your mom sounds like a cunt

when I was infant, some dickhead test firing his new hunting rifle at tree, missed tree, bullet travels across valley and hits my grandparents house, passes under chair my dad was sitting on, over my head, hits fireplace. Obviously I don't remember any of this but was showed the bullet hole in the house, chipped fireplace bricks, heard the story many times over the years. I'm told the bullet passed through space where my head was a second or so before.

>>32000188
>be like, I dunno, 6? (how old are you in first grade?)
>someone T-bones the school bus I'm on at nearly 50mph because stop signs are just a suggestion, 42 kids in ER, broke both my legs when the bus rolled, somehow nobody died

>be in 5th grade
>riding bike no-handed back from yard sale dicking with 110mm camera I scored for a quarter
>rear end a parked car
>rip my knee open and gouge the patella with the wingnut holding my gear shifter on the handlebars
>mom just puts a bandaid on the 5"x1" gash, throws the visible bone shards away
>it gets infected
>mom ignores the literal chunky green pus running down my leg for a week
>school counselor finally ends up calling CPS after calling me into his office because I stank like rotten meat thinking I wasn't getting baths
>end up in ICU for a week and have to get patella ground out and partially replaced due to infection being in the marrow

>be freshman in college
>goddamn I have bad gas
>why can't I crap?
>bloated to the point of looking pregnant
>pass out in anatomy 101
>you have appendicitis, get thee to the hospital
>ruptured 2 days ago, is septic, small intestine resected/large intestine resected/gallbladder removed/put on dialysis cuz kidney failure (they started working again but aren't 100%)
>gutted like a fish, big-assed scar from bottom of sternum to top of dick

>decide with my luck I should totally enlist right at the start of Iraq
>get through OSUT, immediately get deployed
>in country 8 days, some goat herder with a nugget shoots me in the gut
>misses bottom edge of plate by a cunt hair, penetrates soft armor, exits just above ass cheek
>lose some more small intestine but joke's on you everything in there was fugged anyway from above issue

I was on a hydrate remediation job and we were the retard company man almost sank our boat. It's hyper technical, but here you go:

In offshore oil and gas, hydrates, or frozen chunks of natural gas, form in the subsea infrastructure because the pressure is high and the temperatures are low.

For hydrate remediation, you pump methanol (and in our case, toluene because there were asphaultenes) through the subsea equipment to melt the ice block and flush it into 550 gallon bladders.

The ice freezes again inside the bladders until you start to recover it to a shallower depth.

Our bladders were almost entirely full of hydrate slush and once the gas disassociated at around 3,000 feet and the bladder went buoyant and rose above the crane block (huge issue since it could work its way out of the hook). The hydrate also froze over all of the relief valves so it had no way to off gas.

Basically, we had a torpedo pointed directly at the hull of the ship ready to go off if the crane let go.

The dumb ass company man (guy who works for the oil company) gets on the radio and tells the crane to come up at full speed. "Fuck it, we'll deal with it on surface." This is all while me, the superintendant and the flushing tech are discussing what to do about it.

Long story short, the superintendant spartan kicks the company man off the radio and sends the bladder back to bottom. If he didn't stop him, the bladder would have come loose and sank the boat, or blown up on surface and killed a few deck personnel.

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>>32004171
reminds me of pic related, great movie

>>32007327
Purple heart for a bloody fart lel

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Mine aren't too crazy or anything.

>be on patrol in Iraq around 2007 when shit got real bad
>haji pops out if field, AK busts, he drops to surrender
>SSG gonna go detain. Hop out of humvee to provide security
>ohshittrap.jpg more hajis pop out of ditch and shoot
>75' between us. .50 bolt fucking straight up breaks on second shot. Gunner pinned in humvee
>SSG hauling ass back to truck. I get back first. Open door for cover. Toosmartforthis.png use crook of door to aim
>hajis return fire, full auto. pingpingpingpingping in window, engine, door. PING! Doorframe. Getting closer. PING!! Other side of door
>finish firefight, haji with broken gun survived, ambush bros did not.
>Check damage. 1" to the right balls, 1" to the left face. Pull out steel cores from door armor fr souveniers

>>32005897
>prison school
good taste

>>32006190
Damn dude, I hope you get well soon

>>32007327
did you get his nugget at least?

this sounds kinda retarded but it happened

we had climbed up this really steep eroded thing, kinda like a river bank but bigger, not like a god damn mountain but pretty high maybe 50-60ft. it was just steep enough to not need a rope but it was hard as fuck to get up.

when im coming back down like the second thing i grab just pulls out of the wall and i lose my shit

im sliding down this fucker basically standing vertically, parallel to the wall, pretty just my heels touching. i see my salvation, a large rock jutting out of the wall, and there is a motherfucking huge rattlesnake just relaxing on it.

i basically land one foot full force on this rock right next to the snake and go spinning off the rock

i managed to slow down enough and roll through some bushes and roots enough to not full force die into the bottom of the ground but i was pretty fucked up

i've almost died a few other times in obvious shit like a car missing me by inches in an ice storm but that was my only harrowing adrenaline filled life flashing incident

>Be muhreen
>Be a nerd
>Be a nerd Muhreen POG 6414
>Be fixin Nam' era hueys in Iraq 09'
>Be fucking hot
Shit explodes on the flight line.
>Be pissed because ordiance retards probably misfired something.
Shit explodes on the flight line again, closer, and without any sort of rhyme or reason.
>Be yelled at by my Staff Suhrgent

"THATS INCOMING MORTAR FIRE, RETARDS, GET IN THE BUNKERS!"

>Scramble into the shady bunker and look at everyone else.
>Suddenly remember that I have a whole tool kit checked out and sitting beside a bird.
>Look at QA guy and ask if I'm accountable for lost tools from battle damage.
>All laugh.
>Nothing happens for another 15 minutes. All clear sounded.
>Go back to work turning wrenches and playing with wires.

WAR IS HELL

>>32004602
Rip

>>32007327

How the fuck'd you sneak that med history past a recrui- wait. Wait. You were in the surge, weren't ya.

i saw someone almost get some final destination shit a few days ago it was a trip

two lane left turn
bitch in left most lane is texting and drunk or some shit and doesnt even turn
bitch in right-left lane is hauling ass and turns real hard
they dont even really crash that bad even tho both were going fast
if the crash didn't happen the bitch that was texting in the leftmost lane wouldve gone off a 30ft drop where they were doing construction, it was a bunch of exposed steel beams and vertically pointing rebar
if she was going like 2mph faster or slower she would've just flown off it and been identified by dental records

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>be on a raid in Iraq with IA
>spend week practicing. Our job is merely long range mobile fire support for IA
>Arrive at compound in convoy. SNIAFU: situation normal, Iraqi Army all Fucked Up
>change of plans John, you're the assault team
>boxed into alleyways, use humvee to jump over wall. Surprise! Other side isn't alley, it's a 2' wide goat trail dropping 50' into river. Luckily no one falls.
>running along goat trail, full kit, trying to find obj house and not fall into gorge
>finally finished find the right street, kick in gate, buttonhook around, hauling ass, full adrenaline... ohshit who dug a fucking well right inside the gate?? Manage to jump over well hole and not fall in
>clear obj house, waiting for SSE. IA finally unfucked, comes streaming in assaulting the compound we just cleared, almost lighting us up because no one told them we assaulted without them...

>>32007907
>Wait. You were in the surge, weren't ya.

Not him but, It's funny because it's true.

>be autistic
>playing CoD way too much
>try to join National Guard during surge

Luckily, the seargent wouldn't even send me to MEPS because I was such a splerg.

Got a 98% AFQT though, so I think he was kinda sad about that.

>>32000188
Sitting at a train track waiting on train. Gravel truck comes barreling up behind me. Realize he isn't stopping. Steer hard and put it in the ditch. Gravel truck just barely takes paint off my back bumper and goes through the gate, into the train. Truck got dragged like half a mile down the track, driver died.
Never did find out why he didn't stop.

>>32007958
I tried getting into the Army during the surge, but couldn't because of depression, ADD, and asthma, all as a kid.

Maybe I just had lazy recruiters...

>>32007907
Funny thing is I was ROTC in college for 2 years so the military already had full documentation of everything that was wrong with me and they took me anyway without even needing a waiver.
>you were in the surge, weren't ya
3 years prior actually. When I said "right as Iraq started" I meant it. Enlisted in October 2003.

>>32000529
I bet you could deepthroat like a madman

>>32002586
>drug seeking

FUCKING SCUM OF THE EARTH RUINING IT FOR THE REST OF US

THEY ALL NEED TO BE FUCKING NEUTERED, EVERY SINGLE ONE, THEIR GENES NEED TO STOP BEING PASSED

>>32003241
Dude, is your name Pete? Are you that Dutch dude who went to SA College?

>>32005161
>>32000747
SoDak here. Come here instead. It's warmer longer, alternatively they have Fargo and are closer to Canada which is pretty alright

>>32003275
Bergstrom ?

>>32005171
this reminds of a time i spread some horrible virus interstate. i honestly cant believe this didnt destroy enough people to make the news, it was really fucking bad. it started with my cousin, other cousin got it, uncle got it, first cousin and uncle go to hospital for a few days, aunt gets it, my mom gets it, im about to go back from holidays and i start shitting.

its just literally not stop shitting and vomiting and 100 degree fever. for the first few days i dont even know where the fuck it was coming from because you couldnt even eat or drink anything, im pretty sure every particle in my digestive system was finding its way out my ass and all the water in my body was draining into my stomach to be vomited out.

then i get home, my girlfriend, her mom and dad, her brother, my stepmom and dad, 2 of my friends get it. it was really fucking bad illness and it had to be airborne, its not like we were all going around kissing eachother and being extra unsanitary. it wasnt like when one of your kids or your wife gets sick and you may or may not get sick, everyone that came into contact with the infected got sick within 2 days despite our best efforts.

im really surprised it didn't kill the whole fucking town but i think it was like that game pandemic, if you make your virus too strong all the infected just lay in a ditch and die and the virus dies off.

also my girls brother is severely autistic and just walked around not sleeping for 4 days shitting and vomiting everywhere and had to be sedated and put on an IV.

to this day i am paranoid of a pandemic because i have experienced it.

>>32008015

>ROTC records
Fuck'n kek.

Yea that shit hasn't continued. People are getting hammered out of careers left and right for that kinda shit now. The Army got real ugly about it. Hope you managed to avoid that or EAS'd without issue

>>32004027
it was on accident, i waqs teaching him how to handle firearms and he swept me and squeezed,

inch away from my kidney infact.

>>32008111
i just remembered that also literally every single person shit their pants at least 3 times because we were passing out from fever and dehydration but the lavapoo didnt give a fuck

The last time I went to a gay bar, I had sex with upwards of 30 dudes and drank probably my body weight in liquor. I didn't make it out of the bar until 3 in the morning and I passed out in my own vomit on a sidewalk a few blocks away.

The only reason I know the details of what happened is because the friend who took me out found me and literally carried my unconscious body into a taxi and took me home.

It's a really good thing I wasn't carrying.

>>32008111

>>Autistic kid wandering around spraying things occasionally from either end

THat's the worst, laziest kind of zombie I've ever imagined.

Thank you.

>>32000188
Fell of a cliff while snowboarding in a whiteout, stuck the landing somehow and wasn't injured.

Fell of a cliff while skiing in bad lighting conditions, fell face first, was winded but otherwise ok.

Someone's protecting me.

>>32008133
I was medically retired 10 years later for a completely unrelated issue.
>helping destroy mustard gas artillery shells in 2011 in Mosul left over from the Iran-Iraq War
>the IA's idea of "destroying" chemical munitions is "throw it in the desert in a giant pile, dump a can of gas on it, and light it on fire"
>inhale huge quantities of mustard-gas-smoke-with-asbestos when the pile (surprise) detonated and scattered burning artillery shells over a half-mile area, lungs scarred to shit and back with near-guarantee of either lung cancer or mesothelioma by 40

>>32007327
You have a shitty mother.

Reading this thread made me remember one of my own.

>I was 17 at the time and it was the dead of winter
>I would sneak out Fridays to spend the night with my girlfriend who lived a few towns over
>I generally had to leave around 4-5 in the morning and go to work
>I was driving a 94 blazer that I had bought for 400 of my frycook dollars
>The two-lane highway was normally deserted this time of the night/morning and my car didn't have a radio or a heater
>I guess I fell asleep, I couldn't have been going faster than 55 (top speed)
>I wake up to a car horn as I began to drift out of my lane
>If that car hadn't been there, I think I would have drifted into the next overpass

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>>32006230
>Piston twin
I bet your opposite rudder pedal foot was tired as fuck

Topic:
>Head on collision with an unlicensed driver casually cruising on the side of the road. She realized she was on the wrong side of the road and I decided she wasn't going to figure it out at exactly the same time, so we played the supermarket aisle dodging game back and forth a time and a half before meeting head on at 45 mph, '90 Miata vs 200X shitbox Camry. The instant before impact I didn't expect to survive. The instant after I wanted nothing more than to know what the fuck the other driver was thinking. Managed to limp about half way to the other car; turns out my foot and collar bone were both royally fucked. Upside: got to miss more or less the entire second half of senior year.

Other, less dire ones:
>Rudder spring failure on my long cross country solo. Two airports and 120 miles enroute I heard a nice loud snap and suddenly had to throw constant, heavy pressure on the right pedal. Thought the trim tab had fucked off initially. This was largely inconsequential until landing at my home airport. I went for a side slip for crosswind, but the rudder behavior was continents away from what I was expecting and that + windsheer pushed me out over the dirt during round out. Long runway though, so I hauled it back over for a craptastic landing. Worst case I might have spun, but all in all it wasn't too bad.

Relatively minor oh shit
>Near birdstrike on final. Tower advised there was a huge flock of birds on final, but I was following a massive Citation X and figured they would have fucked off. They didn't. Birds have brass balls man.

Plain confusion
>Flying to island airport, just switched to their CTAF frequency. Some guy announces his taxi and later his takeoff sounding like he just consumed a pound of weed or was a skinwalker.
>Beeeeeeeeeeeccchcraaafft echchcho leeeeeeeeeeeeema wooone seeeveeeen (random tail number.)

The skinwalkers are flying now. It might be time to worry

>>32000529
You are so fucking stupid it makes my brain hurts.

Ow.

>>32000673
damn dude good luck.

>>32000609
>I once tried to kill myself through willful dehydration
What the fuck, why?

>With new work friend out shooting
>We find a spot hat has a nice concrete barrier to use as a firing line/rest
>Agree to safety rules, never shoot while someone is forward of the barrier
>About an hour later
>Go to change targets
>Hear *CRACKCRACKCRACKCRACK*
>Mongoloid is magdumping MY AR at a target ten feet to my right
>Drop to the ground and scream
>He burnt through all 30 rounds in MY FUCKING MAGAZINE
>Get up, yank my rifle out of his hand and leave

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>I took too sharp a turn on a 4 wheeler in a corn field, somehow managed to clear myself of the canal and avoid being crushed by the front end of the 4 wheeler
>My friends and I (ages 13) used to take an old .22 revolver in the woods and go plinking, maybe shoot a squirrel, and just go exploring. We ended up stumbling on some old abandoned house and joked around that it was a methlab (at the time our county had a really really bad influx of meth labs and the amount of people on the shit was staggering). All of a sudden we hear yelling and some dude starts popping shots at us from the window. I swear I've never run faster in my entire life.

>>32000188
i almost died for the first time when i was 4 and pluged in half of a extension chord that was severed and i didnt know.
i almost drowned when i was 6 or 7 when the rubber boat i was fishing on deflated somehow.
I almost died at 15 when i did a backflip on a jetski.
I almost died in a mid air accident with 2 helicopters when i was 21

>mom goes to abortion clinic
>dad say "maybe it'll be a cool guy"
thanks dad, saved my life

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>>32009006
>I almost died in a mid air accident with 2 helicopters when i was 21

>>32008721
I was incredibly depressed and didn't have access to many better options.

>>32005146
>>32005151
gravity you niggers

>>32005151
probably almost fell, pretty common.

>>32009018
Under rated post. Bumping this thread. Some good reads.

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>>32000188

A nogunz tried to become hasgunz almost killed a biker

>few friends and I go out to hills to pew
>one friend brings should-be-no-gunz who just bought a .308 because "it fucking badass"
>this is gonna be stupid
> take him to a pretty normal bermed area
> were shooting 25-50 yard targets but on the left there is mountain ranges
> were all on shooting line plinking 9
>all of a sudden .308 goes off behind us
> we all hit the floor and fudd is up in the back of the truck shooting into the mountain range
>mfw 200 yards away there is a mountain biker yelling wtf at us in the direction he was aiming
>take gun from him and tell him to gtf in the truck
>he starts crying saying he almost killed a guy


never again

>>32005553
people with fucking HIV+ are the scum the earth

>>32003278
>>32003380
>>32004066
I almost electrocuted myself with 120V AC. I was replacing a light fixture, and when I looked down at the instructions the hot wire shorted the exposed ground line. That's when I realized I hadn't opened the circuit breaker yet.

>>32008701
mate i was a 12yr old kid. ofcourse i was stupid then.

>also bamp 4 stories

Just learned I have had 2 "situations" which have all the signs of being "Sentinel bleeds" according to my doctor. Fast tracked me for a lumbar and CT.

Never seen a doctor go from "how's your day" to "holy fuck you might have a big problem here" so fast.

>mfw when I find out what I thought were just really bad headaches could be a near future brain hemorrhage.... Still kinda in shock from this morning.

>be earlier this year
>opening day for duck season
>first year hunting without a dog
>bought bib waders to compensate for lack of man's best friend or boat
>went by myself and didn't notify anyone where i was going (strike 1)
>left my phone in the truck because i didn't want to get it wet (strike 2)
>go innafield
>shoot duck
>lands in a slough that appears to be shallow and surrounded by cattails
>is actually knee-deep mud with a foot of water on top
>didn't realize this until i was too far in to go out the way i went in
>get stuck in the middle of the slough
>try yelling for help
>nearest house is at least 1/2 mile away
>try to flag down someone from the highway
>realize I'm wearing camouflage surrounded by cattails
>struggled to the edge of the cattails over the course of 30 minutes
>get to the stage of exhaustion where legs start involuntarily shaking
>debated to just eat a shotshell and be done with everything
>fuck it, i'm this close: let's struggle to the end
>foot gets caught up on roots/submerged cattail
>almost trip
>if I fell out there I'd never be able to get my arms out of the mud
>start praying to every/any god that'd listen
>manage to get to solid land
>bail out of bibs and walk barefoot to truck
>have not gone duck hunting since

>>32009487
Anon... sometimes you just need to give up on getting home clean and dry.

you should've been able to bellycrawl through that with no problem. yes you'd lack solid footing, but you'd have been less exhausted by the time you got out. Muddy as fuck though.

Did you at least manage to bring the duck out?

not really /k/ but
>in college choir as sophomore
>go on tour
>start getting sore throat
>don't want to complain because upperclassmen are cunts who had to win the "oppression/struggle olympics"
>breathing is hard
>eating anything other than pudding/liquids feels like swallowing glass and gravel
>surviving off of ibuprofen and antihistamines
>first day back from tour
>tear dick to student clinic
>turns out my exgf gave me mono
>which in turn gave me tonsilitis
>i had a very small gap between my tonsils and should've had surgery
>but god forbid those upperclassmen think I'm a bitch

>>32000188
I had my first Ulcerative Colitis flareup in the middle of basic training and went anemic because I thought it was just a really bad combination of diarrhea and hemorrhoids and never actually got any help until I was dragged to the hospital. I bled internally and shat blood for days. Caught a medical discharge unfortunately.

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>>32000376
Fellow Corn-fused Iowan. Waterloo here.

>Tree-stand w/o safety harness.
Was peeking around the tree watching and lost balance. Managed to grab at last millisecond.

>140mph on Buell motorcycle and family of coons run out.
I ended up running right through the pack, luckily didn't kill any of the young ones.

>4am, taking high school girl fuck buddy home on icy road (I was in college and she would 'sneak-out' and i'd pick her up and fuck and drop her back off.)
Hit black ice and did a full 180 doing 50mph. Managed to keep it in my lane.

>Downed a 6 pack back in HS and decided to "booze cruise" with a bottle of Jack.
Taking swigs while driving. Never doing that again.

>Decided to show of to my buddy on a gravel road and "not take heed to the stop sign" on a gravel road T-intersection.
Wanted to stop at the last minute and give him a scare. Ended up fishtailing and rolled it in the ditch a few times. Step-brother in back wasn't buckled in. Tackle-box opened up and he got stuck in a few places. Had a few laughs.

>>32009568
i don't know if that would've worked or not. I'm not opposed to getting dirty to get out of a tight spot, and i've clearly brexited that situation without getting dirty so it's a nonissue right now

i did, young gadwall. definitely not worth the trouble

>>32009199
No, those poz chasers and that whole community are the true scum

>>32009487
>international signal for aid is three rapidly fired shots. Even during hunting season thats pretty god damn regonizeable

>>32004602
How were your tires? Did car have stability/traction control?

>in uni
>my campus is a few miles out of town
>carpool with some friends to go eat
>in some old as fuck tempo with bald tires
>sleet earlier in the day, highway is slick
>car darts out of a stop sign way too close for how fast we were going
>driver swerves to avoid t-boning the faggot
>in an attempt to correct from the swerve, driver lost control
>on a 4 lane highway
>went from the far right lane to far left lane on the opposing flow of traffic
>caused 3 other cars to lose control and go off the road
>asshole that caused this wreck hauled ass to get away from a ticket
would've murdered that fucker

>>32004324
Are LMGs that complicated that they fuck up so often or are they poorly maintained or what. I always read and hear from everyone I know in the militaries about them just randomly going off because something fucked up.

>>32005552
Hong Kong fuck me

>>32009681
>3 rapid shots
>during hunting season
>in a state where the legal mag capacity is 3 shots for waterfowl
the odds of some bystander recognizing my 3 shots as distress/aid and not some fudd trying to get a triple are astronomically low

>>32009738
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiBcrYYJVlM

shit happens

>>32009756
>side arm
Either way that sounds like a fucking awful situation.

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>watching brother's house
>come home late from work
>unlock door
>part of porch explodes
>another round makes cartoon zip
>immediately realize it's my fudd uncle and dive on the other side of the house screaming
>"I thought it was ya- I was jus tryna scare you in case it werent, anon"
>"haha are ya cryin boy?"
>mfw trying to rationalize how I can legally shoot him at this point

>>32000188
Not me, but I witnessed it
>doing platoon live fire in Yakima
> we're using A Bangalore to clear c-wire obstacle
>fire team moves up with e6 combat engineer and the Bangalore
>places the Bangalore, but the engineer purposefully used half the amount of det chord in the timing system
> they get up to move off the obstacle but the team leader gets his webbing caught in the c wire
> the seconds are ticking away and like three people are trying to get him unstuck
> gets free and the Bangalore goes off like 5 seconds later

>>32009623
It's been a while since I did a slog through a slough like that, but you should be able to half drag/float your way through the mud and reeds,

>>32009815
yeah fuck all that.

I nearly rolled my jeep once
>driving on back roads
>50mph because lolnocops
>turn coming up downhill
>it's a lot sharper than I expected
>don't brake hard, try to just turn through it
>felt one side of the car lifting
>had to pull over and catch my breath

>>32009738
It's a combination of them being relatively complicated with a lot of moving parts, and being older than SHIIIIIIT.

We legitimately had M2's from Vietnam.

>>32005965
It's me the buffalofag and I live south of the city in the Evansgola area no neighbors around since I live on the edge of that so I just shoot innawoods behind my house. As for guns i have a Yugo SKS, a AR-15, a AK, a Mosin, a Type 99, a Browning Sweet 16, and assorted other durr rifles and shotguns, for pistols I have 2 para arms 1911, 2 .44s, and 2 38 specials shrouded hammers, I personally use my 38s for ccing.

>>32009885
forgot to mention it was rainy as fuck
still to this day I don't know how I didn't end up as a tree

>>32000188
>be me, livin in shitty southern Illinois town
>really close to STL, right on the river
>muhporksteaks.jpg
>shitty town has shitty levees to prevent shitty floods
>shitty river is rising from shitty snow melting up north
>shittily
>two of my friends grandparents lived just outside of town, beyond flood gates
>we need to move all their shit out
>parents are busy, friend picks me up and we start driving out in his s10
>water everywhere on sides of road
>water on road ahead
>slow down Matt
>it's fine anon, ju-OH FUCK AAAAAAAAAAA
>hit puddle on side of road, had no idea what was happening
>windshield covered in water
>thought he was fucking with me
>laughing my retarded ass off
>windshield clears
>in ditch now, still going 40mph
>ohshitnigger.gif
>FUCKINGBOOM.png
>slammed into telephone pole, windshield smashed, I have glass in chest, he has fractured leg
>the telephone poll is at a fucking 45 degree angle, with water everywhere in the road
>my door and my side of the car are underwater, it's leaking in through windshield
>friend had anxiety, having a panic attack
>literally smack his bitch ass to move
> we climb out, as I'm getting out, I lean forward on glass, can't stop, push it in an extra inch
>fucking screaming
>friend can't stand up straight, with his leg
> we both manage to make it onto the road, waiting for someone to go by, both phones ruined In truck
> red dodge pulls up, some cunt looking at the truck in the ditch
> can we get a ride maam?
>remember, glass in chest, fractured leg
>nah I'm pretty busy, I need to get somewhere
> just take us to town, please, Matthew can't walk and I'm bleeding really bad
> I really need to go
> can we borrow your phone real quick?
> I really gotta go, sorry
Cont?

>>32010094
Cont faggot

Also what a fucking asshole

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>>32008246
You are the unluckiest motherfucker alive.
Hope things get better.

>>32000188
I once passed out whilst out drinking during winter.

A passer by called the police. The police found me and called an ambulance. Survived with only minor frostbite to my hands and feet.

I regret nothing 2bh.

>>32009018
>>dad say "maybe it'll be a cool guy"
Too bad he was dead wrong, faget.

>>32008698
>I bet your opposite rudder pedal foot was tired as fuck

Haha yeah - the old "dead pedal, dead engine" rule might be accurate while you're airborne, but fucked if opposite leg wasn't dead by the time we got out.

>>32009681
3 shots is what you are limited to when duck hunting. You'd have to blow through a lot of ammo to get someone to "maybe" notice.

Still good advice for non-duck hunters tho.

>>32009199
Only ones I can truly blame are those creepy gay AIDS breeders that do it as a fetish. Now even regular gay guys know better than to fuck a casual dude without condom. HIV/AIDS scare them straight.
>Pun intended.

>>32010094
definition of a fucking cunt

>>32010334
I had a cousin do the same thing in Denver.

He lost both his feet and part of his left hand.

He later killed himself.

>>32008246

jesus man thats some heavy shit.

>>32010466
Well I was in southern Finland it wasn't really that cold out at the time.

Also passing out in the city is generally pretty safe.

>>32009020
my bet is it's service related

>>32010314
Thought that was the guy who got nuked at hiroshima and Nagasaki, or did he finally pass on the torch?

i sat on a crate of ammunition

>>32009814
Fuck your fudd uncle.

>>32000188
got stuck up to my neck in quick sand playing on a Breton beach. Don't really remember much of it aside from a wet lukewarm sticky feeling all over my body.

>>32007061
Probably autocorrected from belayer (person who controls the rope on your harness).

>>32003380

When will people realize that you don't have to ground generators?

Fell of cliff, friend grabed my hand saving my life and not a damn day goes by I don't think about it. I'm literally a dead man walking


>>32009906
Hey I'm in OP come over for Bills games man

>>32004079
Read a book kinda like that once except the kid got trapped underground for a few months

>>32010094
FUCKING CONTINUE THEN CUNT.

>>32000615
Fuck dude, saw a dude get seriously fucked up when his shirt sleeve got caught in a wood turning lathe. Then my dad used to be on my local volunteer fire dpt and he was called with the squad to help a farmer who got his jacket caught in the PTO of a tractor. The guy lost his arm from that, ever since then I stay the fuck away from fast spinning objects.

>>32010266
>>32010094
Cont.
>still fucking bleeding
>did I mention it was winter?
>both freezing our asses off
>town was a mile off and neither of us could really walk
> repeating that bitches license plate to myself to pass the time
> started getting dizzy
>semi pulls up
> "holy fuck are you ok"
>look up and smile
>you tell us
>gives us ride to grandparents, our parents are there
>two hours after we left my house now
>get past several areas where the water would have been over the top of his truck
That always fucked me up, the fact that if we hadn't wrecked right there, we could have fucking drowned out in some cornfield
>roll up on these old ass crackas
>still glass In my fucking chest
>thank the driver, he offers to call an ambulance again, but we figured out parents would figure it out
The driver was awesome, and we drink with him every once in a while
>parents fucking flipped out, I'm still bleeding
>dad hauls ass to take us to a hospital
>got stitches, had some glass that was broken inside my chest, nothing important hurt, but came close to my lung and heart.
> we both make it
>had to get truck out with a fucking wrecker
> still remember bitches license plate on the way home, and out of nowhere, a miracle happens
>same bitch stranded on side of road
>tell dad
> he gets out and fucking screams himself hoarse at her for abandoning two injured teenagers in the side of the road.
>bitch gives zero fucks
> we drive off, dad came extremely close to breaking out the truck gun
> we go get something to eat, and dad comes back for the hell of it, maybe there would be some cops or something
> trucks abandoned
>oh fuck yes
> doors unlocked, found out she ran out of gas and left the keys in
>we look through her shit
>find a bag of weed
>citizens confiscation
> put the car in neutral and push it into the dish, and leave some of the weed in the pipe in her glove compartment, and put it up on the dash, take the keys with us and leave

I was walking along a cliff overhanging a patch of white rapids. The ground underneath of me, on an official state hiking trail, went out and I had to hang onto a tree root until my friends pulled me up.

Some dipshit at a public range pointed a loaded, chambered AR15 on fire at me while showing off to his dipshit girlfriend.

I once fell off of a 30 foot balcony into a bush while I was drunk and walked away fine.

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>Be /az/ fag Hiking in Arizona
>walking down trail deep in sand
>Didnt hear rattlesnake rattle
>luckily it was an autist and was sleeping
>jumps up out of no where
>SHIT.png
>jump off little cliff and somewhat fracture my thigh bone.
>everything in arizona is fucking camoflauged better than a gille suit man in a tall grass field.

>>32010621
good fuck that bitch.

>>32000615
This.
>be in gunsmithing school
>very first class is intro to machining
>very first day is intro to the lathe
>very first hour was a 21-chuck-key salute as half the class left their chuck keys in the lathe at least once
A 36x20 floor lathe at 200rpm will throw a chuck key hard enough to shatter a cinderblock or crack a cement floor.

Wear your goddamn safety glasses too.

>>32010597
>>32000615

You have to have seen this one right?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XD6I_xQUc7I

not gore but damn close

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>>32010622
>Some dipshit at a public range pointed a loaded, chambered AR15 on fire at me while showing off to his dipshit girlfriend.
every
time

>>32005904
What happened when he was in the back alive??

>>32006009
Fuck off, it's because of your libtard-esque politics and the fucking port Arthur massacre

>>32005919
I have had to pull my .45 on a few meth heads. Tried telling me some bull shit story of why they were there. Scared the shit out of them.

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>>32000188
Oh jesus christ OP. I almost die every day from people and their stupid fucking shit
>Just got my LP
>like 3rd call of the shift
>40something male acting bizarre
>show up with PD
>son walks us to the "man cave" where dad is saying all kinds of weird shit
>son is frantic and yelling about how he's not safe
>walks over and starts digging into dads pants
>pulls out a fucking .357 Revolver
>starts waving it around screaming "WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH THIS?!"
>PD officer hasn't noticed yet because he's talking to the wife room over
>Calmly but sternly yell something out about he needs to put that down and stop flagging everyone
>"It's okay it's not loaded"
>he pulls the trigger
>loud bang followed by a feeling of dust and wall smacking the side of my face
>mfw

>>32009694

I had 2 new tires and 2 old tires. the Fuckers from AAA put the old tires on the Front wheels instead of the rear wheels (Car was a front wheel drive) which is why my front left is the one that Hydroplaned instantly. and it was a 2006 Honda Civic and it had both.

>>32005268
gotta watch the snap-skid in them light FFs

>>32008153
Wut

>>32010792
I gotta go into work so I'll drop like 2 more if I can
>Been working as an EMT for 2 years
>roll up to a wreck where a car flipped into a ditch
>patient is walking around crying about his new TV in the back
>park infront of the firetruck
>FD has already put cones out and all that safety shit
>check my mirrors before stepping out
>All clear
>open my door
>step out
>close door
>turn just in time to see and dodge the side view mirror, which was at face level, of some jacked up coal spewing Dodge
>Driver was in such a fucking rush he was weaving in and out of traffic and didn't care about the firetruck, 1 state trooper, 1 city PD and Ambulance parked in a row on the shoulder
>Faggot driver has the gall to slam on his breaks and pull over
>he has to brace himself as he hops out because he's like 5'7 and has chubby man tits while wearing those "I want people to think I work out" clothes
>I'm too pissed off to care that I shouldn't fight with civilians
>Start going at him calling him a blind cunt
>He says something in a deep southern drawl but gets physically cut off
>State trooper practically clothes line his ass and puts his knees in the guys neck
>Guy is face down in the dirt with a State Trooper leaning over screaming in his ear
>Dude starts crying and trying to apologize
>He has to be medically cleared since he's claiming the State Trooper "hurt him"
>he's sitting in the back of my ambulance looking at the floor as I take his vitals
>he keeps trying to apologize and is still crying
>just keep telling him to shut up and to stop crying
>really wanted to just kick him into oncoming traffic

Put a thick plastic bag around my head, sealed it tight by wrapping tape around my neck, was holding my breath til I passed out to die.

Pussied out at 2:30 mins in, it was unbearable. Is it even possible for an adult to hold their breath til they pass out?

>>32010908
Last one
>respond to a wreck
>4 guys in a tuck that was going 80mph down a residential area and lost control
>4 fatalities
>helping pull the last guy out of the back of the truck
>absolute retard firemen who somehow managed to make it up to LT, picks up a downed power line that had been collected away from the wreck
>hear someone point out "that's a power line dude"
>He screams, throws it away from him, and it lands in the truck I'm in and flops against my foot and leg a couple of times

>>32010094
man thats fucked up, fuck that bitch. People around St. Louis are awful

Okay here's mine. Kinda /o/ related but whatever . So this car is a two seater convertible. There's my friend driving who owns the car. I'm 16 driver is 17 and my other friend is 16. I'm sitting in middle on center console, other guys are in seats.
>Going down a long straight highway in rural Florida.
>5 miles of straight road then a slow curve that tilts as it turns
>He decides to push the 5.0 V8 to its limit, a light rain has just started.
>Tires not new, car isn't in great shape, decent on the outside, interior messed up a bit
>Hit 100mph
>120
>140
>160
>I see the needle hit 175 when we get closer to the curve
>Idiot starts to steer thru the curve without even braking
>We keep going straight
>Launch over the median to the other side (4 Lane divided)
>Land hard, blow out front tire
>Spin back across, narrowly missing street signs in the median
>Spin to the original side of road, probably still going 80-90
>End up BACK on the other side in a ditch
>No one dead,
>Drive car to my house in nearby neighborhood
>My dad helps him change tire
>Tires are like 180°F
>Somehow not dead

>>32008153


Sounds wild. Are you pozzed?

>>32009413
Wtf are those?

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>>32010943
did he died?

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>>32010973
If he wasn't he is now.

>>32010793
Ah shit mane that's nuts

>>32000188
I was working for a fish farm. My boss was already known as a drunk and an ass, and he would take any of or our service boats for his pleasure, ram and slam them whereever he wanted. Let it be random mainland shore, random islands, our bag rings or other boats, he did it.

Some of our smaller glass fiber made open outboard engine boats had a metal tow ring integrally laminated at low angle in the outer bow. Reasonable and sturdy by design, but easy to break if you don't care about anything and ram against it constantly. Which our boss did.

The break of this ring with the laminate causes a leak straight in the forward hull. The boat becomes nose heavy. Add cargo with a half of a ton of food for zeros (freshly added newborn trout), another half a ton of supplies for the facility, and you have a small open outboard that would float maybe five inches off the water from the edge. Except your boat is now slowly but drastically leaking from the front thanks to the tow ring fracture, thanks to my fucking boss.

I made it for about two miles off the harbour before it sunk.

The nose dived first, and when the boat filled halfway the sea, it capsized unbelievably quickly. Really, in seconds.

I was under the boat. The rope attached to the anchor floated out from the bow compartment, wrapped once my left ankle and then the anchor dropped.

I may have been drawn 30 feet under before I cleared myself off the rope and got back to the surface, also thanks to my life vest.

I had to swim back to the shore for about those two miles. Luckily the sea was very moderate and quite warm. It was the mid of the summer.

The boat was recovered and the tow ring fracture was well noted and documented by insurance officials. I got no compensation (I was 16 yo at the time working for a summer job considered as part time), but the company did.

For a note, I've ever since taken good care of what my work benefits and insurances are, in case of trouble.

>>32009784
my state's kind of fucked where i can't carry a sidearm while hunting unless the barrel is over 4" or a handgun chambered in a traditional rifle cartridge
it was terrible, always check the mud before proceeding!

>>32010973
No actually I have no fucking idea how but I'm not. I think the experience should've made me find god or something but nah, still just a standard degenerate. I haven't had sex (unless blowjobs count) since that night but I still drink pretty regularly.

>>32011093
Even waterfowl? That's fucking stupid man. Idk man, maybe a fucking flare gun and tell the Mounties to piss off.

I know you said you were being stupid but a adjustable freq radio is always a must for me when im /out/ and about

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B007H4VT7A/ref=ox_sc_act_title_3?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER

>>32000673

Respiratory Therapist here, we intubate and manage ventilators.

What happened?

Will you have a stoma after it's removed?

Are you using a Shiley or Portex trach?

>>32011012

I'd let Pierre give me his Canadian bacon without the wrapping

>>32005268
I rolled my first truck driving to the DMV to practice parking. A dodge wouldn't let me onto the highway and I went into the ditch. I rolled up then back down a hill. No airbags, and not a scratch in me. Poor truck didn't make it.

>>32009815
You don't use det chord for timing. That makes no sense. I mean you could use a shit ton of det chord but really it would maybe give them +/- a few seconds. As far as I know all the demo I've used has been command set with an m81 and shock tube. Soooo I don't know why that was a close call...

>>32010535
I'm good man, I'm not one for sports. That reminds me as I was driving home yesterday I had to go innacity I saw an orchard park bus while at a stop sign full of kids throwing shit at their driver

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>>32005171

Food poisoning is the fucking worst. I got it from some pub grub a little while ago, thought I was gonna die.

Basically boiled down to "Wake up, vomit, shit liquid for an hour, lie on the couch and don't trust any farts or burps" for four days.

Ended up dropping a pant size, but could barely walk up stairs for the duration of it.

Weird side effect though, it seemed to cure my lactose intolerance. Had mac & cheese once I'd recovered, which I love, but it usually makes me shit (Figured, I'd spent so much time shitting, wouldn't be any different), but it didn't have any effect, and no dairy has since. Must've changed some of the cultures in my stomach.

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>>32009487
>>first year hunting without a dog

>>32011316
Btw I'm not talking about paper, they threw water bottles and anything else the shits could get their hands on

>Be me
>Firefighter
>Searching home for people
>Suddenly "Crash"
>Floor gives way I fall into the fiery depths of hell
>Immediately V line back manage to get away from flames
>Grab hold of the first door handle I can find bail into that room to escape the heat
>Radio Mayday
>Luck has it bathroom has a tiny window radio command
>30 seconds later chainsaw rips through the window making it larger
>Later get put in and I climb out
>Minor burns 2 days in hospital

Such is life

>>32011449
>v line
It's 'bee line' you tard.

>>32011503
Ahhh same shit

>>32010930
Lol idk I can do 3 mins

>>32005135
This may sound weird, but the Mexican and Asian immigrants I've talked to have had much more respect for the constitution than any libcuck in our country.

>>32010621
i hope she got fucked to the fullest extent by the long arm of the law

I almost stepped on what I thought was camel shit but soon found out to be a rusted Russian land mine. Kinda wish I had stepped on it, assuming it didn't kill me or destroy my ballsack and dick I'd be getting a lot of Veet bux.

>>32010954
Not really.

People from East St. Louis are awful. People from the richie-rich suburbs up in St. Charles County (30-45 minutes north of STL proper) are awful. You'll occasionally run across an honest-to-god racist in Jefferson County south of STL (the kind that actually no-bullshit hates all black people, the government as a whole, and all that crap--typically live in a trailer on someone else's land).

The city itself isn't too bad, South County is fine, West County is fine, North County is fine as long as you're not trying to drive anywhere during a Cards or Blues game.

>>32011287
He probably means time fuse, which looks remarkably similar to detcord if you ignore the hashes on it for, y'know, timing.

Having never personally used Bangalores I'm not really sure how they're initiated though.

>>32000188
1. scared GF with daddy's pistol in HS; talked her down
2. hit a patch of gravel on a back country road learning to ride my first motorcycle, bad road rash and a 1/4' deep gash in my helmet; got back on an rode it home, dammit.
3. I-285 Atlanta going 70 on my 2nd motorcycle in the rain, surrounded by semis, lost a contact lens
3. pulling an M1 with my 88 with blackout drives only on tank trails, washout at the bottom of the hill at the rear entrance to 1-97th motorpool, Ft. Benning
4. caught in a rip tide, Kure beach (NC) fishing pier
Have a wife and kids now. Happy with my boring life.

>>32002586
Hi kate

>>32012430
sorry; forgot #5: wrapped a 67 mustang around a tree stump head-on, brother was driving. 1/4 mile from home, of course...

>I tripped over my own helmet in Afghanistan during a firefight
Sadly the only action I ever experienced.

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>>32012493
Unfortunate

>>32002586
When I had appendicitis, my pain started at noon. I thought I was just constipated at first so I shrugged it off. By 11:30 pm I had spent the last few hours curled up in pain and went to the ER. Weirdest thing of my life, I felt incredible pain in my nuts and they did an ultrasound on them first. Had to wait for two more hours to get a CT scan and when they figured out it was my appendix, they finally gave me some dilaudid. Biggest relief ever. Got surgery the next day around 5 pm and spent the next two weeks in bed playing Fallout 4 cause it was brand new

>>32010972
What two seater convertible has a 5.0 v8 and can hit 175?? The only ones I can think of are 5.7L