Attack Geese

>>31596808
Guard geese exist, but their primary purpose is to be loud and obnoxious as hell so you can take out the bad guys yourself.

>>31596808
>training a migratory bird
>to guard your fucking property

Just how fucking stupid are you?

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what do you do when attack ganders try to kill your pupper?

>>31596808
>Do geese make good battle buddies?
I kek'd. They can fly recon for you too.

>>31596826
Did it just bite that dog's dick?

>>31596826
>attack ganders try to kill your pupper?

That pupper was weak

C'mon, guys- you've never seen the film "The Wild Geese"?

A bunch of wild geese overthrow an African government in the 70s.

Wild geese are hard as fuck.

>>31596871
Roger Moore played the alien and Natalie Portman was the shark. It might have been Tom Cruise who was the shark, though. I get those two mixed up sometimes.

>>31596820
If you feed them, they stop being migratory.

>>31596841
Nope, that was the skin flap on its belly.

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>>31596808
Geese can seriously fuck you up.

>>31596820
>I have no clue why these animals migrate

>>31596826
Jesus that thing is tied up and is still going after the pupper, how horrifying.

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>>31596808

GEE

I WONDER WHO COULD BE BEHIND THIS POST

>>31596967
A four clover leaf?

>>31596943
Geese are fucking dinosaurs that were too stubborn to go extinct, they are hard as fuck.

>>31596808
This shit is no joke. Ive actually seen attack geese in action.well they were more like alarm geese

>>31596808
domestic geese are about as smart as dogs, and live much longer. They will fit your POU. Also you don't have to worry about going to jail after your trained attack rips somebody's throat out.

>>31597006
Also, They.
Shit.
Everywhere.

My hometown has a guy on the payroll that doesn't do anything but clean goose shit out of the parks all summer when those fags are in town.

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>>31596967
What the fuck did you just fucking honk about me, you little gosling? I’ll have you know I flew top of my gaggle in Canada, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret migrations in Mexico, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in aerial warfare and I’m the top waterfowl in the entire US armed geese. You are nothing to me but just another kernel. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this flyway, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with honking that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of honkers across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare wings. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Goose Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable tailfeathers off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” honk was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking bill. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

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>>31597117

>>31597117
What the say did you just say fuck me about, you bitching a little? I'll have you graduate I know top of my Seals in the Navy Classes, and I've been raided in numerou Al Quaeda secret involvements, and I have killed over 300 confirmations. I am a trained gorilla. In warfare, I'm the sniper arm in the entire US force tops. You are targeting me but I'm just another nothing. I will fuck you with precision the wipes which has never been liked before on this scene. Earth, fuck my marking words. You can get away with thinking that shit over me to the Internet? Fuck again, thinker. As we spy I am networking my secret speaking across the trace and your IP is being prepared right now so you better storm the maggots. The wipes that storms out of the little pathetic thing. Life you call yours? Your fucking dead kids. I can be any time. I can weigh you in over seven hundred kills, and that's my bear hands. Not only am I extensively accessed by trains, but I have no arms for combatting the entire arsenal United States, and I will use it to wipe your miserable ass. You shit the faceoff of the continent. If you only could have commented what unholy cleverness your little "retribution" was about. To bring down upon you, maybe you would have fucked your tongue. But you wouldn't, you shouldn't, and now you're holding the pay, you goddamn idiot. I will drown in shit fury. Sincerely, your dead fucking kiddo.

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>>31597117

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>>31597164
>I am a trained gorilla. In warfare, I'm the sniper arm in the entire US force tops.

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>>31596938
Imagine the instant satisfaction of blasting one of those cocksuckers with a 12 gauge when it honks at you?

I hope you aren't stealing eggs. There are plenty of attack animals you can find that don't involve them shitting on your car roof and biting you on the ass. I myself have two elite honeybadgers on my property. They've picked off the evangelists and are working on eating a nearby otter colony.

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>>31596938

>>31596808
>training a goose to be an attack animal
>thinking you can be friends with it
You get to pick one and only one.

>>31597164
Yes, we got that reference anon was making. We know where it's from. Thanks.

>>31597261
To be honest I fucking hate the shit out of eagles, they're functionally no different than vultures and I'm pretty sure Ben Franklin was on to something. What likely happened in that picture is the eagle was being a dick, the geese honked menacingly at it, and then when it didn't take the (many) warnings to fuck off and instead got closer. Then one of the geese got sick of it's "oh hurr look at me so ~majestic~ bro" shit and decided to show the eagle how water birds deal with adversity and why you shouldn't fuck with their young. So the eagle gets chased, bounced, and then narrowly escapes a watery grave all because it couldn't leave well enough alone.

Fuck eagles.

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>>31596808
>Can you train them to attack or ignore specific threats, like you can a dog?


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_the_Allia

>(...) The Senones found footprints that the messenger had left by the Capitoline hill and found out about a tract which could be climbed. They reached the summit at night and were not heard by the guards and the dogs. However, the geese sacred to Juno (the goddess) did and alerted the Romans. Manlius Capitolinus, a former consul, rallied his men and pushed the Gauls back down the hill. Manlius was praised and one of the guards was thrown from the cliff for the negligence. Meanwhile, a pestilence broke out among the Senones. It was caused by diseased cattle, which they cremated because they did not have the energy to bury them. This led to a truce.

tl;dr - guard geese and sick cows saved Rome

>>31598090
>Fuck eagles.
t. goose

The only advantage to kepping an attack goose would be so you could say THE GOOSE IS LOOSE

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>>31598250
No. No anon. If you ever raised chickens you will know.

>be me years ago
>oh great hawks
>get wild ideas about rigging up remote-controlled turret armed with Saiga shotgun
>abandon it because neighbors are anti-gun faggots and would ree
>have to invest in bird netting
>realize my enclosure is four fucking acres so I need to buy four fucking acres of goddamn net to keep the hawks out of my shit
>spend a day and a half putting it all up

>week later, come home
>oh what's this, mail!
>I never get mail, I better go and...
>see HUGE mass of black shit in the ditch
>recognize it immediately as netting torn off
>oh great that fucking wind must have done this somehow
>nope
>eagles
>two of them
>two goddamn motherfucking eagles got caught up in my net, tried to escape, hobbled to the ditch
>see one of them has a GPS tag so I can't just bury them in a hole
>call DNR
>DNR guy gets there and yells at me for trying to trap eagles

Do you know how much bird netting costs, anon? Do you? For four acres of it?

I do, so fuck eagles.

>>31598390
>DNR guy gets there and yells at me for trying to trap eagles

I fucking kek'd

>>31598562
Go-rilla dindu nuffin. He a gud boi

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>>31598562
>be rhino
>two tons of armor, horn and bad temper
>BTFO by goose
>just cut my horn off and turn it into boner powder for old Chinese men

>>31598532
Anon you don't know how much I was raging internally at that moment, I just let him vomit out his "you know you can GO TO JAIL for this OFFENSE" and when he was done I pulled up a Youtube video where I ~vlogged~ about my "hawk forcefield" (my words) a few days earlier and asked him if he wants to take this shit to court because I'll win.

I can laugh at it now but at the time I was deeply triggered by his words.

>>31598707
None of this would have happened if you had guard geese.

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rip Goose Bro

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can't believe this hasn't been posted either

>>31598090
>Yes, we got that reference anon was making. We know where it's from. Thanks.
Did you read the second copypasta carefully?

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>>31598773
I had to kek

>>31599111
Dubs and trips confirm subtle humor first missed is best appreciated when examined more closely. In thanks, have a pic related.

I have only once in my entire life been approached in a hostile way by geese. Every other time I had been doing the approaching. Not once have I been attacked, and they're even friendly on some days.

This might have something to do with my habit of running after geese every time I meet a new pond, but still, I don't see why people are so scared of geese. Don't get me wrong, I hate them to death, they're the niggers of the pond, but I haven't the foggiest why people are scared of them.

>>31599225
>Asian
HNNNGGGG!!!

Why would you want a hollow boned Bird to guard you? All you have to do is throw your coat over it and kick hard as Fuck until it stops moving.

>>31596808
>>31596819
I have very friendly domesticated geese, all they do is squawk. They won't engage.

>>31596820
Not all geese fly and migrate buddy.

>>31597051
And Anon means, EVERYWHERE!

>>31597164
Nothing gets past you, does it....

>>31596826
That's fucked up.

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>>31597051
>everywhere

>walking back from chow
>see fatbodies running instead of eating
>walking past flock of devil geese
>startle them
>whole pack takes off and flies over fat bodies.
>shitting the whole time
>every single fatbody hit with at least two goose shits
>bald friend hit square ontop of head 10/10 aim

>>31596820
lol he thinks canadian geese still migrate

here in chicago they are year-round shitting machines

>>31597576
a better strategy is:

>grab that cunt by it's slender neck and whip it around like a stupid fucking honking morningstar

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>>31596808
>>31596819

>Be grampa
>Have guard goose
>Son comes over with his new doggo welsh spinger.
>Tell son,"My goose is pretty mean"
>Son looks at me with such disrespect "I don't know dad".
>He lets the leash off in the pen.
>Dog is now chasing flightless goose around as it honks in circles.
>Yell and scream like a dumb bitch in a silent film to my son to stop his dog from killing muh goose.
>Sold the Winnebago this year instead of giving it to my son and his siblings because of muh goose.

Pretty cool grampa.

>>31596808
i had one in my garden since it was just a little birdy, you gotta check on them everyday and spend a long moment with it so that he can be familiarized with you, otherwise once it grow up it will attack you because it see you like an intruder and you'll just chop his head from anger

>>31596808
They're hard to train because they only come around every November and March.

Not worth it IMO.

Steal one when it is still yellow, well steal a few some will die, just have it follow you around and shit, feed it bread and grass and keep some open water around. It won't want to leave and will get pissed at anything that it doesn't like and geese don't like anything.

I had a goose for a while it was a fucker. stole it from a field and raised it to a full goose. Thing beat up anything that it didn't like, mostly cats that wandered into the yard. Had to make sure it didn't see me get into a car or else it would follow the car by flying near it.
Evenutally had to get rid of it because I couldn't keep any water open for the winter so I took it to a flock of geese near were i lived, I like to think it made it, but I'm not sure.
Also it once followed my grandpa into town and harassed the local gas station until the herded it into the small carwash with bread and called the sheriff. Who knew it was my goose.

Geese are actually quite cool once they're at ease with you. A friend of my wifes had a house way out in the woods and they had two huge geese as pets. We were sitting around the firepit out in the yard that night and I looked to my right and one of the geese was sitting right next to me- just enjoying the fire.

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>>31596938

>>31596905
If you feed them, they win.

>>31606102
t.Justin Trudeau
The famous Ornithologist.