Most pos weapon you've won a fight with? ....and Go!

/thread

>>31543450
stabbed someone with a pen if that counts

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>>31543477
kinda more guns.... i should've put gun.

>>31543450
*gun

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>>31543450
>had to change schools in fifth grade
>get to new school
>second day
>on swings alone
>kid shows up to try to bully me
>take a page out of my dear, sweet grandmothers book
>pick up a switch and begin lashing him across his legs and arms

>following year
>on merry go round at the far end of the playground
>kid shows up to try to bully me again
>spits on the back of my coat
>pull him by his hair to fence
>hit him in stomach with book
>use his shoelaces to tie him to fence in crucifixion type way
>leave
>back in class, teachers ask if anyone has seen him
>say his mom picked him up early
>nothing came of it

>11th grade
>taking home ec for laughs
>this kid is in the class
>we are partnered up to make a cake together
>herewego.jpg
>things going too smoothly
>paranoid he's been plotting against me for 5 years and this is all a part of the plan
>he opens up to me
>tells me about the cow on his farm giving birth to a calf
>shows me a polaroid
>it's of a blind calf
>he shows me another polaroid
>he's touching its eye in it
>"he's blind, his names ray... ha ha"
>he's hesitant to show me the next picture, but does
>his dick in the calfs mouth
>what.png
>"ha ha" he barely makes out
>another picture of him playing with the sexual organs of the calf
>i ask him who took those pictures
>"kelly jo" he tells me

>mfw his high school sweetheart took pictures of him fucking a baby cow
>mfw that was 2005
>mfw they're still married and have kids
>mfw he still lives on that farm
>mfw when i got distracted by the prompt and the answer to your question is a stick, OP. a stick.

>>31543573
anon you're making me uncomfortable

>>31543601
i really didn't mean to.
i just kind of got distracted.
hadn't thought of that dude in years and it all just sort of flooded back.

i went to a weird school.

>>31543573
wow hohohohohoohoho

my goodness
south Carolina?

>>31543621
close, motherfucker
southwest virginia.

>>31543573
A Magi/k/al Place

Can't compete, but choked a guy out with his backpack strap once. Couldn't snug up to get the rear naked with the pack in the way and inspiration happened.

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>>31543633
hahahahahahahahahahahahaahaHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
hhhhhahahahahahhhhhhhha Got any other funny stories from the hicks?

>>31543649
Single wing choke works pretty good in those cases.

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>>31543649
fuck that is genius
what'd u do with the guy after u won?

>>31543649
my high school was /k/ paradise.
to this day, you can still bring rifles if you check them in at the office in the morning
i could go on all day about this weird place

i have given a few stories in like stalker threads about the town, but not really many about high school.

>>31543678
yeah, like fifteen years worth, but i am on mobile walking my dog at the moment

>>31543683
Yeah, I used a single wing just backpack instead of collar.
>>31543686
Walked the fuck away and got on my bus. Ended up getting suspended the next day, them high school dramas.

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>>31543601
You think that's weird?
>North Bumblefuck NC
>school is right next to a Cotton field and a Corn field
>cool kids would sneak off during lunch and be all cool and shit in said fields
>get invited to hang out with the cool kids because friends with a guy who knows the kids who do
>why the fuck not
>get there
>hear noises in the corn side of the field
>me and friend go to investigate
>it's some guy reaming his ass out with an ear of corn

First and last time i hung out there.

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>>31543703
go to a park and let him run a muck
bumping for rat-tail, sister fucking bonanza!

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>>31543731
hohohohoohohohoohohoho
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

that..... well he skipped the eating part

>>31543731
that's not bad at all.
i have a couple of very similar stories, assuming that we've completely derailed this thread and are now posting OLD SOUTH WEIRDNESS, which i'm all about.

i live in boston now and it isn't half as strange as the south.

>>31543731
Musta been one of them GMO corn fields. Oh wait...ewwee.

I once picked up a Puerto Rican and tossed him at a Mexican.

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Killed a fetus with a coat hanger

pretty boss if you ask me

>>31543782
>i live in boston now
now that sounds awful.

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>>31543787
hahahaha barfights

>>31543802
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Usn_fCKU--o

>>31543811
it's very different
i still got my guns, my dog, my whiskey, and country music

>>31543450
Not me, but...
>inna AIT
>dude 1 is pissed that his girlfriend is dumping him
>dude 2 walks up to the payphone, pushes the lever that the phone rests on so it hangs up
>dude 1 beats dude 2 in the head with the phone handset

A rock.

My friends drunk asshole dad who was 3x my size got drunk and wanted to take my money. I was sitting in a big plush chair. Just minding my own. I had no idea his intentions were ill. He sits on the couch like ten feet to my right, slides closer, mozies over to the arm of my chair, sits there for a few seconds and murmors some shit i couldn't make out. I say, "what did you say"?

At this point I could tell he wanted to be a fuckn idiot. He slides from the arm of the chair onto my lap and sits on me. I'm 5'3", 115lbs he is 6'1" 290. Sits right on my leg and says, "you're going to give me that money and you're goibg to het the hell outta here". To which I replied by saying, "get the fuck off of me". He sucker punches me and I rise up as best i could while punchibg him 4-5 times quickly in his face. I'm struggling to get completely standing. He stands up and I back away. He throws my backpack across the room for his girlfriend to go through as I'm squared up with him. My stupid buddy is video taping at this point. I ran over to grab my backpack as his girl was walking out the door. Run past her while grabbibg my bag, she doesn't leg go as I'm heading down the stone apartment stairs. She falls and is layi g across the top steps flopping arou d screaming. Out comes super tard right behind us. He produces his pocket knife and comes my way. I leave the bag and book it down tje stairs. He is still coming and threatend to kill me. I'm much faster than he and have the advantage of being surrounded by small pebbles and some baseball size rocks. He runs at me and i run back at him as he retreats and tires(quickly). He ends up halfway down the street chasing me before I found my first tool. An empty 40oz bottle. I grab the bottle and charge, he balls up in an attempt to defend. I just throw it as best i can and it bounced right off him. He charges me again and i run a little more up the street. Hes fuckibg exhausted at this point and runs for the stairs...

>>31543954

I come to the stairs and hes laying at the bottom panting like a dog, out of breath. I grab a baseball sized rock and pitch that fucker accurately at his fuckibg bald head and connect. Easily 25mph at appropriately 2lbs of rock. Knocked him good. He is screaming for a gun at this point at which his kids and girlfriend are scrambling around for as i turn to gtfo.

Later i heard he got his eye busted open really good and the cops came after he was out front searching for me...

I should have fucking shot him but that was a cheap lesson not to trust anyone.

>>31543850
nice
>be walking to work from subway stop
>go down alley cause hate foot traffic
>go half-way down really long alley
>see hobo with bags, diggin through garbage
>pass him
>hobo on bike comes passes me
>hear them arguing for a bit
>turn hear one cry out in pain
>bike guy leaves
>hobo walks back down alley
>go investigate
>blood ribbons here and there

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>>31544017
Only person you can trust drunk is you.

Top marks for not dying anon
Top marks

Swingline stapler.

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>>31544153
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0YIJQ1jgEI

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I once fought a black kid with a plastic spork back in high school. He came at me with a food tray and I stabbed him in the chest. It wasn't sharp enough to work great, but I drew blood at least.

>>31544600
for a no gun zone, school implements make moderately effective weapons

a fat retard in my grade back in sophomore year jabbed me in the chest with a metal ruler, didn't notice he drew blood until a few hours later when one of the girls in my class pointed to my shirt and asked me if I was bleeding. Sure enough tomato juice had bled through my shirt, had an inch-long gash in my chest.

Our school handled it's tards like they had diplomatic immunity, fatass got away with it, no apology to me on his behalf, still have the scar.

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Doesn't really count, but in HS (3 years ago) I was an Army JROTC fag and carried an ACU assault pack with the quick releases on the straps.

>Dickhead friend puts on my backpack after German class
>Won't give it back, thinks its fucking hilarious
>Walk up, pull quick release
>Did not think about the chest strap being closed
>Backpack falls, chest strap transfers all of the weight to his adam's apple

He very quickly unclipped the bag, and I got my shit back

Should mention, he also carried an
ACU bag, and had originally grabbed mine on accident, still friends with that guy, still a dick

>>31543573
Dick in a calf mounth sounds great.

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>>31543450
I hit some guy with my phone because he just stuck his hand out at me and said to give him my wallet.

It was embarrassing for both of us.

>>31543450
I've never been in a fight

>>31543450
I lunched a retard in a fucking container until he was out. For my defense, he was dangerous and VERY resilient. Fucker didn't wanted to go down i swear. He was ok, just a but dumber for a few minutes.

>>31548014
pushed against* i'm drunk and not a native speaker, my apologies guys

>>31543450
beat up three spics that ried to jump me with a chewed up ax handle I found along the railroad tracks on the way home from school

>>31544788
>Our school handled it's tards like they had diplomatic immunity
We had a tard like that in my middle school.

Built like one of those dirty Slavs from "The World's Strongest Man" competitions. Used to wear a t-shirt with "Captain Chunk" on it.

Every couple of weeks he'd go on a rampage and tune up some poor normie in the hallway, and not just a kid type fight, either. Like a straight up ass-beating.

Never got in trouble.

>>31543692
Virginia?

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>>31543775

>5th grade
>kid who always tries to fuck with me comes up behind me
>grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me
>turn around and jab my thumb into his neck
>it ended up leaving a bruise
it was good

>>31543573
I'm glad you got distracted, that was interesting

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>be 15
>weather's blistering where I am, decided to head into the school library with friend to cool off
>see autist sitting in one of the booths
>he drops his book and proceeded to stare at me
>friend gets triggered by staring, went over to fuck with him
>autist decides to get mad at me instead of friend, because he's an autist and logic is a difficult concept to grasp when you have an IQ of 50 on a good day
>he grabs a really thin but tall book and hits me in the face
>it scratched me
>I warn him to stop (because he was an autist and I didn't want to beat him up), but he hit me again 2 other times
>I get really mad
>I wander about the library looking for the biggest baddest motherfucker I could find
>foundit.png
>It was an encyclopedia 4.5 inches thick and 12 inchs tall
>I walk up behind him, and smash him over the head with it

I hurt my thumb in the process. Feelsbadman.

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>>31548925
you make grampa /k/ proud anon

>>31544600
Is this before you were in the big leagues? http://gruntstuff.com/ranger-gets-confirmed-kill-with-mre-spoon/

I've only used my fists fingers and teeth to win fights, Anon.
I'm the type of fucker that will dig his thumbs into yours eyes and under your lids in an ordinary fist fight. That happened, too. He had red eyes for a while. Because he was close I ended up bawling like a kid when I testosterone'd down and saw his eyes.

I need to fight more so my body doesn't kick into primal mode when I'm pissed at buds.

>>31553921
> i'm so scared that even when i fight with friends i have to try and kill them. i blame it on rage.

>>31554049
>Try to kill them
This isn't a TV show or 28 days later, anon.

>>31554056
> eye gouging
> not trying to kill or permanently blind someone.

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>>31554066
>Gouging someone's eyes will kill them
Enjoy your popcorn zambie movies and shows Anon, it doesn't work that way
>Permanently blind
Doesn't work that way either. Temporarily blind more like, and it didn't and doesn't even do that.

You're like the Liberals thinking full auto is bad because they see Arnold running around hip firing and mowing down everyone in front of him.

Quit being such a pussy.

>>31554076
>smug anime face
i'm done. enjoy trolling.

>>31552589
fuckin nice!

any blood or gore, bits of hair maybe?

>>31547896
Go out tonight and start one

thank me later

>>31547712
hahahahaha
quick thinking anon
ur slick

>>31543731
>it's some guy reaming his ass out with an ear of corn

Hahaha im fucking dead.

>>31543450
When i was a kid i grew up in a rural area of michigan, and as such a lifestyle would have it we owned chickens.
We also owned about 3 of the meanest cocksucking roosters imaginable.

Tired of their constant shitass spurring I eventually took to crafting some pretty elaborate clubs out of tree branches and jagged flint type rocks i could manage to lash on to them from around my yard.

Fucking assholes could take some serious hits, but after a couple of them had seizures from head injuries they stopped fucking with me entirely.

>for those of you unfamiliar with male tendies, they attack anything that fucking moves regardless of size differance.

>>31543573
It's not every day you find a love like that.

>>31543573

Yeah yeah, dick in calf's mouth, etc. but what did you mean by

>pick up a switch ? Was it a benign light switch that just happened to be sitting about, or what?

>>31554411
A switch is a flexible stick

>>31554411
A switch is a lithe but sturdy stick used for whoopings. The subject of the upcoming corporeal punishment was generally sent to select one as a prelude to the beating with much care taken to get one big enough to not receive additional lashes, but small enough to not cause permanent damage.

>>31554411
a switch is a kind of small flexible branch that sort of has a whipping action when you hit someone with them. They used to be used to discipline children. Its a term only old people and apparently flyovers use

t. Only person i ever heard say this was my grandmother who would be 100 or so now and was from oklahoma.

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>>31554433
>>31554436
>>31554439

So essentially it's a yank version of a cane?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxWg6JDoRFs

>>31543829
>guns

Massachusetts pls

>>31543450
I hit my brother in the face and hed with two swings of a baseball bat

>>31543450
>be me
> be me in middle school
>fucking hatian tries to get fighting
>I run up the hall a bit and see an open locker
>I rip it off the hinges
>removed jamal with a locker door.

They were half lockers and the hinges were millimeter thick aluminum. That would be as ghetto as things got.

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>>31554433
>>31554411

>>31543450
In high-school a friend of mine choked out another friend with a lanyard during a play fight. His last words before passing out were "is that all you've got, pussy?"

>>31543573
good thing you established your dominance at an early age

Not really a fight but eh.

>in hs, class hasnt started (this was years ago fyi)
>friend tosses ball at me cross the room
>hits me, he cracks up.
>toss ball back at him
>qt walks right infront of him at perfect time
>"look out cunt!"
>looks to the ball at last second
>woman down, nose bleeding
>anon ends up in detention with friend

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>>31554411
>>31554733
>>31554433

>>31554550
no you faggot, it's a switch. a thin, green branch taken off a tree.

are you a non-english speaker?

>>31543450
When l was seven l threw a wooden stilt in the head of a guy who bullied me

>>31557272
>refers to Americans as Yanks
>posts vodka rune video
>'are you a non-english speaker?'
how'd you deduce that Sherlock?

>>31554120
>never
Why? Fighting unless you have too is fucking stupid.

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>be me, 6th grade
>new kid, been there for 2-ish months so have a few friends
>late november, recess
>playing basketball, horse or some shit
>2 7th graders start picking on us
>friend gets grabbed, gets thrown to the ground
>other friend next to me smacks one of the 7th graders holding the kid on the ground square in the face
>in shock of what just happened
>theyre pissed now, start chasing me and my friend who smacked one of them
>run to one of pic related on the far end of the field
>grab handful of small rocks as we run to the stairs ladder thing
>go all the way to the top
>give friend a few rocks, we start throwing them at them
>one of the 7th graders picks up one of the rocks i threw
>as he bends down to pick it up i drilled him on top of the head with a decent sized rock
>starts bleeding
>falls over onto his knees, his friend starts screaming
>kid bleeding has his hand on his head, hand gets covered in blood
>is panicing so he gets blood on his clothes and friend
>they run to the school
>shit my pants
we got put in ISS (in school suspension) for 2 weeks with them, was awkward, they never found out who threw the rock that hit him

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>>31552589
If you get a thin novel and crack the spine of it on top of someone's head they'll smarten the fuck up. I know this from experience.

>>31557552
>they never found out who threw the rock that hit him
pansy ass bitch, i would want them to know i made them bleed.

>middle school
>ironically hang out with the emos and goths because they were more entertaining than normals
>one day after school king goth, a 250lb high functioning pseudo-autistic German exchange student, gets approached by a gang of 3 wannabe metalhead beaners
>they want to fight him
>he keeps trying to walk away from them
>they take his Gameboy advance with chibi plush keychain and throw it against the ground, breaking it
>German tard rage engage
>he runs to the buke rack and picks up his man-sized 12 speed mountain bike and throws it, I shit you not, about 8 meters, and hits the leader of the metal beaner squad
>the petal hits the dudes mouth, he loses all his front teeth and rips his lip up to his nose like a cleft pallette, breaks his nose and knocks him unconscious
>with fire in his eyes, he picks up the next closest thing to him - a full large metal barrel repurposed into a garbage can - and hurls it at another one of them
>clips his backpack and yanks him to the ground and then falls on his head and knocks him out too
>the other one runs
>Pokémon cards, loose change and broken colored pencils everywhere on the ground

The 90's were pretty great.

>Be me, 4th grade
>Autistic af
>Still am
>Biking home to friend's house
>Some dindus from class roll up
>They wedge a stick in my front spokes
>I flip over handlebars
>Sperg rage activated
>Pick up bike
>Over head hit one of them with it
>go home to friends house
>Get in trouble

A concrete block

Bitch stood there and took the hit too. He really thought it wouldn't hurt.

It was around the time we got dragon ball z on toonami

>>31557592
>Autistic AF
>Still am
you cannot believe how hard i am laugjigg

>>31547896

they're pretty fun with good friends or family mi amigo, try it, you might like it. I got into martial arts because I liked it.

>>31547888
What happened next?

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>trying to remember a time I used a weapon

>nope just fistfight

>suddenly remember the time I caused my brothers knee to subluxate or something because I bashed it with a wine bottle

Apparently it was like a partial dislocation or something. Fucking bastard deserved it too.

>>31543573
What a twist!

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>>31557591

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m16a4

when I was a sophomore in high school I used a trombone mouthpiece to defend my self from some fucking weird kid.
>be sophomore me
>90lb Mexicant
>it's Wednesday afternoon so no band practice
>my brother has to retake a few tests or else he won't graduate so I'm walking home alone because fuck waiting for his dumbass to give me a ride
>I'm hanging out with some friends before I start walking
>see some weird guy walking, he goes to the same school but everyone knows he's some backwoods crazy
>looks and sounds like leatherfaces brother in the original Texas chainsaw movie
>as I start walking for whatever reason I decided to take a different route home
>this route is down an old semi abandoned neighborhood, lots of trees and bushes
>it was around fall so I guess I chose to walk through because it looked pretty
>while walking down I pass by a house with broken windows and lots of overgrown shrubbery
>"hey anon, hehe, watcha doing here?"
>I get spooked and turn to see creepy guy, I'll call him keeper
>"oh hey keeper, ugh I'm just walking past to get home"
"that's funny anon, I've seen you walk home and you never walk down this road"
>this niggas been stalking me
>"oh, well it looks pretty, with all the leaves falling and stuff"
>"your brother is making up test isn't he? that means you're alone?"
>"sure keeper, that's one way to put it"
>I'm about to shit myself and book it down the road because he was 10 feet away when he started talking to me and I just realized that we was now one foot away
>"okay keeper I'll see you tomorrow at school"
>"wait a bit anon, someone like you shouldon't be walking around here alone, there's a lot of phycos around here, wouldn't want you to get hurt"
>"oh well its still day time so I think I'll be fine"
>I'm backing away as fast I can without him realizing that I'm trying to get away
>"wait anon, I have something cool you might like to see"
>"I should really be going keeper I have lots of homework"
cont.

That moment when /k triggers all of your middle school fight memories

>Some dumb black kid fucked with me for about half a year
>Says gay shit to me in the lockers and tries to fight me
>During dodgeball beats on me with a ball until I'm backed into a corner, but only buffeting me
>I don't really remember much, but 90% sure I entered the red mist and socked him a good few times in the face
Never fucked with me again.
Boy, my middle school was great
>Epidemic of gangbangers beating up white/asian kids in the bathroom
>Some guy gets the shit kicked out of him by 5+ dindus, they all run off with no consequence
>2 of them try to come for me when I'm minding my own business taking a piss in a stall because I was paranoid about this shit even then
>They try to kick the door in, since the ghetto ass hellhole didn't have locks on the stalls (didn't even have AC, so it was also 90 with humidity inside the school)
>Door is also two-way, no stopper
>Realize these fucks have been screwing with me for awhile in gym as well
>Knock the door back and forth, finally smash them against the far wall with it a couple of times, they proceed to run off as someone comes down the hall
Ah, pleasant memories.

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Most people don't know this, but the little serrated plastic knives are actually extremely sharp.

>be 14 years old
>just got moved to new foster home
>sitting on bench eating welcome cake
>this 16 year old comes up from behind and shoves me to the ground
>my cake rolls into the grass
>that was my fucking cake
>he starts walking over to me and my grassy cake kicking dirt at me and it
>pick the plastic knife up off the grass
>start slashing at his bare calves
>he jolts up into the air peddling an invisible bike
>he loses his balance on way down and lands on his ass
>i roll over on top of him
>start slashing at his arms, face, and neck
>feel an extreme pressure on my upper back
>get knocked out for the first and only time in my life
>wake up in handcuffed to the bed in the back of an ambulance
>blood is literally all over me
>first thing i hear after coming to is from this buff mustachioed paramedic
>"how the fuck did you manage that?"
>i tell the man that someone tried to kill me and my cake


Long story short another kid hit me with a log and knocked me out. I was transferred to jail for processing. Was then transferred to a juvenile detention center. Was later transferred to a residential treatment center. Got a psych evaluation that came out just fine. Charge was assault and some other bullshit. All of it got dropped. Security camera from the house across the street caught it all. Mr. Paramedic Mustache explained my head wound and cut/brushed palms and wrist from falling. Got placed in another foster home after all the bullshit was over. I lived there until I was 18.

The cake killing kid ended up with 22 stitches. I know this because when I was told about it I said the most cringe thing I ever said in my life, "I guess the catch 22 caught up with him!"

So yah, a plastic knife is mine OP.

>>31560445
pls deliver

>>31560445
>"my dog just had puppies I thought you'd like to see"
>I'm not too tense because I think what if he's just misunderstood
>"ok, that's cool"
>"great anon! I live here"
>points at house I just described
>i'mgonnagetmurdered.jpeg
>we walk into house and it's covered in graffiti and broken bottles and needles are carpeting the floor
>there are holes in the roof that let in the sunlight so it's not too dark
>"the puppies are over here"
>he points at open door in dark hallway
>"you know what keeper. I've really got to get home"
>"oh come one anon, they're poodle puppies, they're really cute"
>"he grabs me by the arm and starts pulling me to the room
>I enter and see a cardboard box in the middle of the room
>I open it and find a single puppy in it shaking and whimpering
>"ugh keeper, where the rest of them, and the mom?"
>"they're right in front of you anon"
>my heart drops as I look up and see an adult poodle with another puppy dead in front of me
>"they kept bothering me so I put some antifreeze in their water"
>I stand up and book it to the door but he grabs my backpack and throws me to the ground
>I reach into my pocket and find my trombone mouthpiece
>solid metal and a decent weight
>I take it out and through it as hard as I can at his face
>the end that goes into the instrument hits above his right eye and cuts him pretty deep
>he falls from what I think is the shock of being hit out of nowhere
>he's bleeding and looks up and I straight up just kicked him in the nose
>I grab pup and book it out of the house not even caring I just left behind my $50 mouthpiece.
after I exited the house I ran back to school because it was closer and ran into principal, and tell him everything. cops go and find dead dogs and my mouthpiece but never found keeper. later it turns out he was never enrolled into our school, he just showed up and would go to random classes. best thing is I got to keep the dog and got my mouthpiece back.

>>31554411
Looks like someone wasn't beaten when they were a kid

>>31560839
WATHAFACKDOOD

>>31560936
it's been a few years since that happened but I've had nightmares about him ever since

>>31543450
Does brick wall count as a weapon? If it does that wall was pretty shoddy but the other kid learned that brick beats skull.

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>>31561018
You acquitted yourself pretty fucking well. Tell your nightmares to fuck off and carry on.

>>31554683
i chuckled

>>31560839
>>31561018
You didn't actually use the mouthpiece again, did you?
Like, you at least dunked it in some bleach or something first, right?

>>31561151
This
Probably jizzed all over it

>>31560033
this fucking guy

>8th grade
>get bullied constantly all year
>sitting at desks, get a math test back, two pages
>decent grade, i aint stupid
>decide to turn the test into a spitball
>yeah, the whole test. i might have been a little spergy as a kid
>start chewing on two 8x11 sheets
>not enough saliva for this
>go up to sink, wet the sucker good, put it back in mouth
>chew maybe five minutes
> i can't remember what the fuck was going in the classroom that the teacher didn't notice, but she didn't
>sit back down at desk, spin around, and lob that motherfucker full speed straight behind me at the back of the row where the asshole sits who bullies me the most
>missed his head, but only just
>it slams into the felt board and sticks to a piece of paper that's tacked up, instantly tearing it down and wet-slapping the tile floor
>i also just barely missed the girl who sat in front of him
>she lets out a blood-curdling scream
>teacher instantly yells asshole's name because he's a troublemaker in general anyway
>this one time it finally wasn't him
>he gets in trouble
>bullying intensifies but its fucking worth it lol
>sorry jenna

>>31561151
the part that hit him goes into the actual instrument. the part that you put your mouth on didn't have any blood or anything. but yeah I scrubbed that motherfucker with wire brushes and sponges until it look like it had been sand blasted.

>>31560839
Poodles are highly underrated dogs.

My mom had a poodle when I was a kid and I watched that fifteen pound dog single-handedly remove all rodent kebabs within a one mile radius of our house.

Nothing smaller than a man operated in our yard without that dog's permission, even after she got old and blind.

Good job, Anon.

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>>31543573

>>31561212
This to the moon and back
I have two fox terrier mixed mutts and they're the nicest dogs in the world, they've never bitten anyone or anything. but a few weeks after I brought home the poodle (named her dutchess because I wanted the most stereotypical name for her) she was barking full force one night at like 2am and my dad was pissed so he went outside to beat her but she bolted right out the gate and latched right onto the pant leg of some guy who was trying to stea my dad's brand new Toyota Tacoma. I never seen my dad love an animal that much ever since

>>31560796
niggers getting away with this shit at an early age is why they grow up to be even bigger pieces of shit. if they got their asses whopped every time they acted up they'd wise up real fast.

>>31554393
this brings back memories. The barn where we kept our horses was home to a gigantic fucking rooster. I swear it was 4 feet tall, but then, I was probably only 6 or 7.

Fucker would face off against you like a fucking velociraptor and then attack whenever your back was turned.

We had a metal pipe by the back door, and in self defense we'd play what we called Rooster Ball every time we had to go to the barn.

Once i knocked it out, thought I killed it. I went to the barn, did my chores, and as I was walking past it it jumped up like it was resurrected and came straight at me with zero hesitation.

We eventually found it dead next to a dead hawk who had been dumb enough to mistake it for a meal. That rooster was satan itself, but I know if I ever make it to Valhalla I'll see that evil piece of shit again, pecking the eyes of it's enemies.

>>31561300
>(named her dutchess because I wanted the most stereotypical name for her)

My mom's dog was named Fifi, another typical poodle name

No shit, this happened...
>be two days before durr season
>some guy stops to see if he can hunt on our land
>has male Doberman with him
>friendly dog just barely out of pupperhood
>Dobie wants to smell all the things
>hunter talking to my dad
>dad tells him to watch his dog around the poodle
>yeahOK.gif
>Dobie decides he's going to give Fifi a sniff
>horribledognoises.wav
>Dobie is now in back of hunter's pickup
>shaking like a leaf
>one ear hanging in tatters
>dad standing in driveway yelling "Goddammit Fifi!!"

>>31543633
HAHA BLACKSBURGGGGG

Hokies represent, ya faggot

>>31561446

We had a poodle when I was growing up. He was the orneriest piece of shit dog I've ever known. Also the only dog my parents allowed in the house. We had 2 beautiful, well behaved insanely intelligent, German Shepards that lived in a pen and that little runty shit got to live in the house. Pissed me off too because the German Shepards would actually keep him in line around me when I'd play with them in the yard. Some douchebag neighbors that lived above us stole him and moved away to Washington. I was never happier than that day. I don't doubt that he would have royally fucked up a bigger dog though. Those little shits are fierce.

>>31561529
>(some douchebag neighbors that lived above us stole him)
this almost happened to dutchess because I decided to gift her to my bitch ass ex because she was suicidal. it was fine and dandy until she decided to cheat on my and moved in with her white trash boyfriend and tried taking the dog with her. I had to walk 4 miles to his house and grabbed the dog (I started working out after the keeper incident because I wasn't about to get raped/murdered because I had the physique of a 12 year old girl) she was there and saw me open the gate to get my dog. her bf came out and tried to square up but I just pushed him out of the way because no matter the risk I wasn't about to let that dog go.

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>Be 15
>9th Grade
>Be over 6 foot and stocky
>5 foot 5 100 pound manlet keeps messing with me in the economics class
>Keeps pissing me off in dumbshit ways, touching me, flicks me, general nuisance.
>Keeps doing it for like a week
>tries to poptart me and laughs to a friend about it.
>As he's laughing, grab him by both shoulders firmly.
>Ram my knee so hard into his dick i feel pelvic bone scraping my kneecap.
>Dick Richards is on the floor for 5 minutes
>MFW didnt even get in trouble doing this infront of the whole class
>MFW he shut his fucking face after that

>>31561653
what the fuck is a poptart, anon?

>>31561669
>he doesnt know what poptarting is.

>>31543782
Boston is a piece of shit city. I lived in Cambridge for college and it was only tolerable because of my friends. I GTFO back to Texas as soon as i could.

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I'm getting a mental picture of a half-dozen heavily armed anons accompanied by a squadron of battle poodles.

A truly unstoppable force.

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>>31561676
just tell us anon

>>31561676
Found the Mechwarrior.

>>31561756
>doesnt know what a poptart is
>Has never poptarted his friends.

Come on anon, you went to school didnt you?

>>31557495
*fun

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>>31561808
Are you enjoying this?

>>31561837
If you dont know what it is look it up on like urban dictionary or something, that should have it.

>>31553921
I used to have a friend like this. Tried his damned hardest to win fights with everything he had. He stopped though, after he tried to fight me and I just clocked him right off the bat. Broke my middle knuckle. Felt bretty good though, and he no longer fights because it chipped a bone or something.

>>31560445
>sophomore
>90lb
You better be a very small girl anon, or I'm dissapointed in you just like your father.

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>>31543573

>>31561808
I've never heard of it either.

>>31543450
Only fists. No really interesting stories though. Elbowed a kid who was "bullying" me (hit me twice when I passed him in the hall, third attempt earned him a broken nose). My school was pretty shitty about enforcing their "anti-bully" policies and really any other policies.

Almost broke another guys nose and gave him two black eyes, again with elbow to the face. We were having a friendly fist fight and I thought he would have blocked or dodged, instead I caught him off guard and ended up getting a choke hold on him after he decided to continue.

>>31562167
are traps girls?

>>31563346
Dickgirls, boys that dress like girls and act like them.. So, in a way, yes, if you're a tumblrite.

>>31562748
>Faggots dont know Poptarting
>They dont poptart with their friends.

Dickless, all of you.

>>31563379
well looks like I'm not a girl I'm either sense so I guess that makes me disgrace to my proud bean heritage

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The butt of a folding knife, pic related.

>around 16 years old
>chilling with friends at park
>2 kids my age walk up and verbally harass us
>tell them to fuck off
>they do
>5 minutes later come back with like 12 guys vs our group of 5
>hide folding knife in palm of my hand incase they start shit
>one of them tries to sucker punch me
>tackle him
>still have knife in hand, so I flip it open
>too pussy to kill him
>beat his face in with butt of knife till he can barely walk as his faggot friends watch and do nothing
>walk off into the night

>>31563508
No clue what you just said
But in my book if you've got a dick you're a dude
If you've got both then you're just plain gifted

>>31553717
golly gee

>>31563346
fuck off back to the porn boards

>>31561705
Nic?

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>>31553717

>>31554049
I CAN FEEL THE WARP OVERTAKING ME

IT IS A GOOD PAIN

>>31543450
Stabbed a guy in the throat with a thumbtack. It didn't do any real damage, but it freaked out the other guy enough that he ran.

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Beat the shit out of a kid with a 3rd gen digimon digivice.

>school finishes, wait for younger sister so we can walk home
>random kid my age decides to start fucking with my sister
>tell him to piss off and start walking home with sister
>he decides to follow while just talking shit like a retard
>get to the bottom of our street and wait for traffic
>kid gets mad that I've been ignoring him, decides to push my sister so she faceplants
>punches me as I turn around to kick his ass and then kicks my sister while shes down
>I turn into Henry from Goodfellas, brab sisters digimon toy and just bash his fucking face in
>stop smashing his face when sister yells to not break her toy
>kids entire face is bloody, bruised, and his forehead has a massive gash
>have to wash off the blood from sisters toy before she can use it

>>31565311
They just don't make toys like they used to.

>>31561319
you're thinking like a white person, though. a white kid can be told why he's getting hit, understand it, and learn from that. probably as early as age 5. the average black kid doesn't have that kind of mental capacity that early. and on top of that, blacks beat their kids at a much higher rate than everyone else, usually without cause -- there's nothing to be taught, they just are pissed their kid doesn't comply. so those ones just take it out on others when they grow up.

>>31557723
screen cracked and he ran off. ended up costing me more than what was in my wallet.

>>31554550
There is a difference between a cane and a switch. Usually you would tell the kid to cut his or her own switch so they can choose their own amount of pain. But if they came back with a twig like a smart ass you'd make them repick and double the lashings.

Really gets inside their heads

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>>31561844
>>31561837
>>31561756
>Poptarting
>1)When the girl flicks the balls repeatedly until you ejaculate on a pop tart and slap her in the face with it while you eat the other pop tart.
>2)The act of covering the outside of a woman's vagina with ejaculate while she is on her period, then waking up the following morning when it has dried and eating her out. (... like a strawberry poptart...)
3)Taking a dump underneath the covers while asleep.

Just tell us anon. Sorry we didn't have such an utterly shit high school as you

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>>31565311
>beating the fuck out of someone's face with a digimon toy

well done friend, the perpetrator will never forget it

>>31566320

TFW your ass still puckers when you see a willow tree in someones front yard.

>>31566338
obviously he took a dump under his covers

>>31543450
Pencil, broke it off in his leg