OH BOY, 3:00 AM!

>crowbar next to hand

Shoot them.

Also, does anybody have that video where a bunch of guys are sitting in a living room, one of their girlfriends tells them someone is breaking in, and they all rejoice and kit up to start clearing rooms?

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>>31492896
Bumping for interest. Anon pls.

Since I live in the middle of nowhere in Detroit I waste the motherfuckers

>>31492896
>>31493047
bumping as well that sounds great

>3:00 AM
I don't do shit because I'm at work and will be for three more hours.
My wife probably shoots them.

>>31492896
Did that actually happen or was it a joke?

>>31492839
Shoot them

>be me
>awake to glass shattering
>confused by my surroundings
>where the, what was that noise?
>room is nothing but a mattress
>why am i naked
>remember sound that awoke me
>scramble to door its unlocked
>open door
>see stanged childrens
>whisper to childrens where the fuck are we?
>they just motion to door
>notice padlock on door
>for first time begin to panic
>help them break the door open and escape
>go separate ways
>get hauled in by cops, dont belive my story
>pretty sure i was rapped

>>31492896
>>31493047
>>31493121
>>31493241
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhoUQgO2Riw

>>31492839
I'd wonder why it's so bright at 3am

>>31493142
>brushing teeth before I leave for work
>hear break-in happening
>step across hall and grab shotgun
>perforate threat

>>31492839
Birdshot to the legs. At less than 10 yards, it will essentially disintegrate the tibia and fibula.
Now that they're good and immobile, it's off to the artificial insemination basement with them.

>>31493282
That's the one, thanks anon.

>>31493392
>Artificial
Pansy.

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>>31493392
>Birdshot
No. Stop. IDK or care if this is a troll or you're just an idiot. It's poor advice and can get someone killed.

>>31492839
>Wake up at 3am
>Hear glass shatter
>Ba dum ba dum, ba dum ba dun
>Stone Cold comes walking down my hallway wearing one of his signature black vests
>I reach for my HD pistol beside my bed only to be met with a sharp kick to the gut and a Stone Cold Stunner (tm)
>I drastically over-sell the move like The Rock
>It's only then that I notice Stone Cold has a blue steel folding chair in his hand
>He gives me 20 unprotected chair shots to the head
>During the ambulance ride to the hospital, while slipping in and out of consciousness, I partly raise up and do a finger gun pose while uttering the words "bang bang"
>The EMT tells me that I have of my own teeth that cut through my lip and is now lodged up my nose
>I suddenly remember I'm Mick Foley

>>31493468
You've clearly never worked in an ER.

>be inna barracks
>wake up to sound of metal and glass hitting the ground
>find roommate trying to pocket my challenge coins and unit glasses
>begin to slap the fuck out of him with a raging hard on
meh.

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>>31493489
>raging hard on

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>>31493485
Pic related. Throw out slugs if you want, but I'm keep them nice and crippled for the semen dreamin'

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>>31493489

>>31493523
>implying you wouldn't have one at 3am

>>31492839
With 00 buckshot.

>>31492839
Why am I being robbed by young attractive white people? This probably stuns me to the point where I just stand there and stare at them.

>>31493630
You misunderstand, the thought of fighting off intruders with a raging boner gives me a raging boner.

>>31492839

Smile *BRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT*
*Clik phWHOOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*...


*Chick....Pap..... BAM! * )just to make sure.

>>31493447

Well it's not like you can make artificial semen.

>see

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In case a nigga get silly

>>31492839

Bayonet to the chest for the first one. Two rounds center mass for the second if she doesn't flee

>>31493882
Oh rly?

>>31493282
That was douche chilling thanks for sharing that FB quality tier also not enough cool guy tattoos and beards tbqh

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>>31492839
I fire my five shots and then flee behind the smokescreen I laid.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAgxI4fHL80

>>31492839
Well first I'm at work, so I wonder how I fell asleep on shift. Second, my job has banned concealed and open carry, so I'm kinda boned unless I dislodge cable-locked-in-place heavy computers or a rolling offic chair and throw it at him. Last, I'm directly across the street from the police station, so I'm not expecting police for about an hour. If I somehow manage to get to my car for my carry piece and successfully cause the attacker to cease attacking with however many bullet holes it takes to make him quit attacking....I'm looking at being fired and then probably facing jail time, because I would be firing in the general direction of the building and other personnel. I work in a call center where none of the agents can dial out.

I'm fucked.

>>31492839
Shoot the guy and rape the girl.

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>>31492839
I'd probably drop my pants and say, "Let's not turn this rape into a murder, pal. Also tell your lady friend to get on the ground too."

Not entirely sure how it would go since I wouldn't have the intention of fulfilling that threat, but I might have to if he doesn't call the bluff.

That's of course given I don't have a firearm, since OP didn't specify.

>>31497378
calls the bluff*

Get my biggest cooking knife (because i'm a nogun europoor chef) and threatens the fuckers naked, yelling that i will slit their fucking throats.

Hopefully they fuck off and i don't have to get mauled with a crowbar.

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>>31493392
>somebody watched the movie

>>31492839
>3am

Well I'm at work, so hopefully my rottweiler wakes the wife up by being in full on bear mode and then she shoots them. Maybe let's the gril live for some 3 way action.

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You wake up in the middle of the night upon hearing glass break. You step out of your room and see this.

How do you greet your uninvited doggo?

>>31497378
Dude... Just rape the guy and let the lady watch.

>>31498476
5+1 12/76 magnum Brenneke slugs

>>31498476
By sexualizing it until it gets uncomfortable and leaves.

>>31498476
Carefully offer piece of jerky, if positive reaction attempt to study/possibly befriend, if negative reaction, silver .460 S&W I made for fun

>>31492839

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXx9HP-TdMc

Try not to hit the cutie so as to have a rape toy for the rest of her life.

>Glass shatters
>Instantly strip naked
>nogunz britbong so grab my trusty bowie knife and prepare to remember the basics of CQC
>Can hear Paddy Fitzpatrick about to culturally enrich all my belongings back to his caravan site
>They're in through the back door so they've gone straight for the TV
>creep down the stairs on all fours, knife clenched in my teeth, ball sack dragging softly on the staircase carpet
>creep in to living room unnoticed and stand staring at them waiting to be seen
>as soon as Irish McGibsmedat lays eyes on me i scream at the top of my voice and sprint at him, dick flapping in the breeze and holding the knife over my head in both hands like a ritualistic killer
>Pikeys are superstitious as fuck so start screaming about sending another child to the jaws of my satanic master or some shit
>Chase him out of the garden, down the alley and in to the street
>Let him escape when he passes the borders of the cu-de-sac, start howling like a wolf
>Next night go to their camp site and spray satanic symbols on their caravans
>Never see them again

A gun would make life so much easier.

>>31492839

it's white people, so i ask them if they are lost and offer to give them a ride

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I remind them why the haunting melody of the banjo is to be feared.

>How do you greet your uninvited guests?

With AR or Sig in hand and raging fucking boner.

Activate the house wide nerve gas that i've been micro dosing to build an immunity to.

>>31499943
Knowing /k/ I actually don't doubt that...

>>31492839
>see evil burglars, who are probably soulless communists.
>they try to trick me, surrendering unconditionally, crying and begging for their
lives
>not born yesterday, open fire with this, screaming "CONTACT!!!"
>bros come in to help laying some fire.
>America is saved again
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZ-EOg38t1o

>>31499943
>been micro dosing to build an immunity to.
nerve gas don't work like that, but then again, by now you probably are already too dead to reply to this post

About a year ago I chased a niggers out of my house at Mosin-point at about 2AM wearing nothing but my boxers. That was one of my more /k/ moments.
Motherfucker saw some skinny naked white kid pointing six feet of Stalinist steel and wood at him and just noped the fuck out of there.

>>31493142
Unless she's getting another kind of shots in the bedroom meanwhile

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kill him
>rape/fuck her
kill her

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FW2Q0W2V4q0

>>31496171
They're all ex-special ops. Bitch, they operate.

>>31499045
>ball sack dragging softly on the staircase carpet
Thanks for making me kek like an idiot in the break room

>>31492839
Tell him hes free to leave.
Tell her the benis in her mouth

>>31494647
I see you got your grip skiddly