I have never posted or browsed /k/ and my knowledge of weapons

>but the clowns are beginning to appear in my area and i'm afraid of my and my family's safety
#justamericanthings

>>31451078

Get a gun.

Pretty sure I've heard of this shit, whats your budget?

>>31451078
AFAIK those clowns haven't hurt anybody yet, good situational awareness will probably serve you the best.

I wouldn't want to take a clown on in a knife fight. You don't know what those fucks have been through, man.

Also knives are statistically more likely to result in harm to the victim than doing nothing. If you're going to defend yourself, you need range and decisiveness. So a gun. Or maybe really, really strong bear mace. But if a nigga's on PCP and really wants to kill you mace isn't gonna stop him.

>>31451078
>the clowns are beginning to appear in my area
kek

>>31451078
Get a bat and pound a bunch of rusty ass crooked nails into it. If blunt force trauma and blood loss don't kill Bozo, tetanus will.

Clown infestations can be minimized with regular patrols of 10-20 small children. The clowns will become deterred by exhaustion and typically leave the area within three days. Removal of problem clowns may require a small pack of adolescent boys. The boys should be lightly armed in case of the rare Gacy.

>>31451078
Where exactly is this area? All it takes is one nervous /k/omando sticking a gun in ones face or 'I fealt threatened' and Jelly-Bean taking a hot meme-load to the face and no one will ever see these faggots again

>>31451078
>the clowns are beginning to appear in my area

Truth is stranger than fiction folks

File: 1422780648750.gif (834KB, 440x248px) Image search: [Google]

834KB, 440x248px

>>31451147

Clown detected, don't listen to this red-nosed gigglefuck OP, you bite the bullet and you get yourself an AR-15 asap

>be me innawoods with dad
>we're plinking with new AR I just got for my 19th birthday
>dad says he is proud of the man I am becoming
>soniamproud.gif
>suddenly, the buzz of a 150cc engine fills the air
>a bright yellow car in multicolored polka-dots darts out from behind a tree
>it's about half the size of a smart car
>the door flies open and like 20 clowns surge out
>i have to dive to the ground to avoid the initial barrage of spraying lapel flowers and flying pies
>a cacophony of forced laughter and bike horns envelops the entire forest
>it must be a raiding party, scouting for new territory miles from their hive
>as I clamber to my feet I hear a shrill "GAHYUCK-HYUCK"ing rapidly approacing from my 7:00
>a gangly looking one is rushing at me in oversized shoes that fart with every step, attempting to garrote me with a long string of tied multicolored hankerchiefs
>I whirl and put five rounds into his chest
>his momentum catapults his lifeless corpse into my side and knocks me to the ground again
>vaguely register the whoopie cushions hidden in his pink-striped blue dress coat blasting their last raspberries into the chilled forest air
>after getting to my feet a second time I desperately look around for my dad
>The remaining clowns are all grouped in a frenzied huddle, spraying seltzer water and windmill slamming rubber chickens onto an unseen victim in the center of the melee
>Know it's already too late, choke back grief and rage and empty last of my mag into the horde
>The clowns try to retreat to their car, bullets send blood and gore laced with confetti and silly string spraying into the air
>manage to kill last of clowns before they escape with an expert tactical reload (thanks dad)
>rush to my dad
>lifeless eyes staring to the sky from beneath a pile of balloon animals and whipped cream
>mfw

>>31451078
Christ here we go again with this dumb bullshit.

>>31451078
Hockey mask, and machete.

Be the scarier thing in the woods.

File: 1365464211208.jpg (33KB, 400x266px) Image search: [Google]

33KB, 400x266px

>>31451596
for fucks sake someone screencap this whole thread

File: image.jpg (3MB, 3264x2448px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 3264x2448px

Include me in the screencap.

File: 1460142924138.jpg (94KB, 847x313px) Image search: [Google]

94KB, 847x313px

Once these spoopy woods clowns are dealt with, please do something about gym clowns.

THIS IS A VIRAL MARKETING THREAD

DO NOT REPLY, DO NOT SPREAD

>>31451790
There a remake of Night of the Killer Clowns in the works or something?

>>31451819
A remake of "It"

Fun fact: you can't run in clown shoes.

Get a hockey mask and a machete and chase those fuckers...

>>31451596
A sad story if I ever read one
My heart aches for you
This bastards deserve to burn in clown hell

>>31451189
Fucked up thing is this is happening in my state. Guys dress up like clowns and do some creepy ass shit like stalk people and just wait in really odd dark areas and just watch people.

Some Hollywood octogenarian is planning a "reboot" of something, so some MBA-weilding numale thought this would be a good market-test.

I don't normally condone violence, but someone call the worldstar kids already.

>>31451951
Oh yes
> clown killer chases teenagers back home
I like it

>>31451078

I don't normally bitch about other people or make claims to be some kind of genius surrounded by people who are inferior to me, but this clown situation has really made me start to reconsider.

Conveniently around the time that a new It movie is going to come out, a bunch of cities have some asshole news station or faggot on a Facebook page for a moderately but not huge city post that they're seeing clowns. Nobody seems to be able to piece two and two together. It's not like I liked It or even keep up with movies in particular and I was still able to figure it out just fine. A bunch of cities are having people post the same picture and the source is almost always some nobody page that pops up almost out of the blue.

I guess they really don't pressure kids into learning "connect the dots" as aggressively anymore.

Saged for being faggot from a marketing team. 4chan shows you how to buy ads, retard. It isn't the "Post" button, either.

>>31451863
They gonna show them kids fucking in the sewer this time?

>>31452053
you god damn retard this is a satire thread making fun of the viral marketing, you literally have no reading comprehension or you're just an idiot starving for attention so here's your (you) go away and stop ruining everyones fun

>>31451159
This, you know rednoses juggle knives for fun right?

File: anigif_enhanced-buzz-27404-1374869293-2.gif (2MB, 500x275px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 500x275px

>>31451159
>Also knives are statistically more likely to result in harm to the victim than doing nothing.
Whatever you say!
>Anybody seen Richie?!

>>31452087

Is the marketing man too good to share ad space with pantsu or something?

Also good going there with the self-bump.

>>31451340
This anon knows whats up.

If they're juggalos they might have a hatchet.

File: clowns-dreams-gotobed.jpg (51KB, 500x593px) Image search: [Google]

51KB, 500x593px

>>31451078
I wouldn't worry about it.

>>31452065
Considering the orgy scene in sausage fest it's possible.

File: 1449010701668.png (260KB, 596x456px) Image search: [Google]

260KB, 596x456px

>>31451078
Go with 10mm, minimum. Clowns are known to laugh off smaller projectiles.

I'll be real glad when this movie comes out and flops hard enough that the sequels are direct to video.

>>31451957
I read somewhere they've been trying to lure children into the woods as well.

File: Batman-JokerRevolver3.jpg (128KB, 1685x945px) Image search: [Google]

128KB, 1685x945px

>>31451078
How heavily armed are the clowns in question?

File: PennywiseEW_Full.jpg (46KB, 650x867px) Image search: [Google]

46KB, 650x867px

>>31452852
Probably is gonna flop. There are 7 protagonists, Henry (and his gang), and It itself that you have to equally incorperate into a feature length run time. Additionally, you have huge scenes taking place all over the town of Derry in the present and past. There is not enough time to both understand the characters and the plot of the original source material. It's gonna feel rushed and forced into the horror genre. The novel worked because it was just as much a story of coming of age as it was straight up horror. The movie will lean toward only the latter and flop.
>Pic related shows what a jumpscare piece of edgelord shit this is going to be

...Either way, dumbasses going "clowning" better not fuck with me unless they've got an immunity to hollowpoints.

wow another fucking clown thread

does this board have mods?

OP, I've spent a couple of years as a security officer in a fairly secretive research station. Experience says you want to go with tasers and stunbatons, then cuff the clown and remove his mask.

File: IMG_1581.png (173KB, 400x400px) Image search: [Google]

173KB, 400x400px

>>31453270
If you take of their mask, will they die?

>>31453991
It would be extremely comical.

File: IMG_1582.jpg (77KB, 564x847px) Image search: [Google]

77KB, 564x847px

>>31453994
Pour vous

>>31451596
10/10

>>31452822
This.

>>31451596
69/10

Would cleanse rednoses with

File: 1470446103914.gif (176KB, 333x286px) Image search: [Google]

176KB, 333x286px

This is no laughing matter you guys, get it together no more clowning around. How in the hell are we going to be down with putting down the clown?

>Be me
>out in White Mountain National Forest VT with my buddy Mike and his gay-ass english friend called Jonno
>We hiked out there to get shitfaced on Mike's dad's home-made hard cider
>take guns because why the fuck not
>poorfag so I have my nugget, Mike has his Swedish Mauser and we've been teaching Jonno to plink with a 10/22
>been out there for a couple days blasting trees and getting backwards-ass drunk, now gathering up our gear to head home
>see something off in the brush a ways out
>it's white
>wtf?
>see movement, white thing has red and yellow too
>it's a fucking clown, similar to OP pic but less of a fatass, red pants like fucking ronald mcdonald or some shit, pointy hair and blue shirt
>wtf
>he comes a little closer until he's maybe 10 yards away then starts laughing his ass off and running away
>we've not said a word, too busy wondering what the fuck is going on
>Jonno makes some joke about meth tweakers or whatever, tell him to stfu and we finish packing
>still not sure what the fuck this clown was down but who the fuck cares
>10 minutes later
>same dude is back still laughing his ass off in a high-pitched voice down the trail
>yell at him to fuck off, not in the mood to play
>he screams something back and runs off
>10 minutes later hear giggling in the bushes
>decide to make this cunt soil his panties, grab my nugget and blast a round off in the air, yell "get lost you dumb cunt" into the brush and walk off
>all quiet, stay on the trail and get back to the truck
>just as we're loading up hear one of those party whistle things in the brush
>Jonno picks up Mike's Mauser and fires a round into the brush, me and Mike both wtf hard
>Mike takes the gun off him and tells him he could've killed the moron in the thicket
>it's all quiet, go to investigate
>no sign of Krusty
>decide that if Jonno did hit the clown we'd have heard something so shrug shoulders and get the fuck back to civilization
I guess clowns don't like 6.5 Swedish?

File: clown.png (621KB, 727x1500px) Image search: [Google]

621KB, 727x1500px

HONK

File: 1474685965467.jpg (45KB, 410x490px) Image search: [Google]

45KB, 410x490px

>>31451596
I want to don a set of power armor and go clownhunting. Thanks for the inspiration anon

File: poorfag defense.jpg (4MB, 3900x5008px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 3900x5008px

>>31451078
>part time college student.

Here ya go OP

>>31451078
A decent sized pocket knife and a can of mace. Spray works, trust me. It's not ideal but it'll stop them for a good while. That should suffice until you can get a gun.

>>31452065
That was a seriously lame excuse for some sewer fucking.

"Oh no i cant remember the way ohh nooooo come fuck me"

>>31454983
Don't be a nigger

>>31455006
Im just saiyan

>>31451596
if you wrote a book i would buy it.

File: sadpenguin.jpg (5KB, 212x249px) Image search: [Google]

5KB, 212x249px

>>31451596
>>lifeless eyes staring to the sky from beneath a pile of balloon animals and whipped cream

>>31455017
I'm just saying as well. Quit being an alex

>>31453994
For you

>>31454766
I'd honk her cunt with a knife

>>31454566
REMOVE HONK

>>31451078
Greenville SC?

File: listen dipshit.jpg (28KB, 442x341px) Image search: [Google]

28KB, 442x341px

>>31454983
...you realize it was another ritual for them, right? like the smokehouse scene? for them to bond together and rally forth, instead of being panicked children? and that it's a whole thing with Bev to allow herself to become an adult after years of her father controlling her sexuality?

>>31455281
Can I control your sexuality?

File: 1474092823521.jpg (26KB, 210x341px) Image search: [Google]

26KB, 210x341px

>>31451596

>>31455314
why, wanna fuck?

>>31451957
that sounds like a great way to get shot.

>>31455340
Eh, I'd rather just chain you to my radiator while I make you watch me re-enact scenes from golden girls as a one man show

File: 1318015842533.jpg (82KB, 917x900px) Image search: [Google]

82KB, 917x900px

>>31451078

File: JumanjiCinema_Header-1136x492.jpg (116KB, 1136x492px) Image search: [Google]

116KB, 1136x492px

How about a /k/ meetup?

Lets shoot some Clowns!

I prefer .308 for clown defense. Those poofy suited ones more often than not can take multiple 5.56 rounds and continue to throw confetti. A good double tap of real freakin nato hasn't let me down yet.

>>31451596
> Performing a tac reload when you've got an empty magazine and wounded honkers in the vicinity...

Do not trivialize the horror of clown encounters with your imaginary BS...

(I literally switched from mobile to PC just so I could reply. Well done.)

>>31455552
I like to hit them with a brick and tickle their taints

>>31451078
Molotov cocktails or flamethrowers

>>31455419
don't threaten me with a good time

File: 1468056198088.gif (92KB, 300x300px) Image search: [Google]

92KB, 300x300px

>>31451078
Don't slip on Banana Peels while hunting Clowns.

>>31455625
Who's your favorite golden girl, anon? (Also on Thursdays I play out the nanny for my captives)

>>31455678
Beatrice, dude. she was tsundere as fuck, and quite a cutie back in the day

>>31455725
You sound fun. Wanna watch the complete works of Kevin James which includes a sneak peek at his new show Kevin can wait?

>>31455761
will i still be chained to the radiator?

>>31452357
Animation is different than on screen real children acting out a gangbang. Even if it's clothed or fades to black...or whatever. More so in this day and age of all things, a filmed underage orgy is not going to happenin a hollywood movie or if it dose it will be the shit storm of this century and cause massive cultural upheval.

I mean, they couldn't have the real age of the characters in game of thrones and show 1/4 the shit the Mountain dose like spanking Arya's ass bloody.

>>31451078
buy a shotgun SHOTGUN, their relatively cheap if you live in easy state they don't care,
buy 12 double buck you will be fine

>>31451078
Only CHÜD can save you.

>>31455790
I mean I'd have to move the TV to the dining room and I'm too fat for that. I could chain you to the viewing spike. It's this truck axle I buried in my living room as a reward for watching my one man shows

File: IMG_2350.jpg (98KB, 559x470px) Image search: [Google]

98KB, 559x470px

>>31451596
10/10
would operate with

>>31451078
I'd say get a Ruger Mark IV Stainless and dozen magazines.

File: 1463367879512.jpg (148KB, 800x579px) Image search: [Google]

148KB, 800x579px

>>31451596
CLEANSE PURGE KILL BROTHER

>>31455826
>actually reading the book
Good job, mang.

>>31451078

My area is having a "clown wave" as well but I'm confident that it's all bullshit fortean mass hysteria like every other "clown wave", satanic worship scare, or whatever. I study the paranormal and shit like clown waves are a reoccurring theme in the folklore of the US in the past 60 or so years. No one will be hurt and no clowns will ever be caught by police, this is all people's imaginations running amok.

File: 111014112138-lucille-ball-04-treatment-horizontal-large-gallery.jpg (73KB, 446x552px) Image search: [Google]

73KB, 446x552px

>>31451078
Fight fire with fire. Stockpile seltzer and cream pies. Wouldn't hurt to have a bucket of confetti handy either.

>>31453092
Holy shit, joker bought a bong pistol!

>>31451078
If your cat is trained in squashing, he might be able to deal with a clown.

>>31455281
Her remarks about how she banged each one of them to wake them all up. which means the first ones were aware of her banging them all. Her remarks about how big the fat kids cock was. Cringe worthy.

File: Untitled.png (614KB, 587x586px) Image search: [Google]

614KB, 587x586px

>>31451596
thank you

>>31456295
We talked about this before alex, stop being a nigger

>>31455281
Shut up Steven, go be a pedo somewhere else

>>31455828
This is me moving the viewing spike into my house

DO YOU SEE

>>31456425
THATS NOT ME YOU FUCK

>>31456502
here is me at my sister's wedding I was the maid of honor
DO YOU SEE?!
>>31456507
Shut up Alex you double nigger

>>31451102
Better than muslims
Unless....

>>31456634
Oh my god.....

>>31451078
You gotta have 5 or 6 friends, and ya gotta perform the ritual of Chud, dont fuck up or you will get cast into the deadlights outside the universe to feed the consumption with your eternal screaming.

>>31455419
you sound like someone i'd like to hang out with

>>31455987
This.
I had a clown infestation on my land a while ago and this seemed to help out in driving them away.
I have also set up various tiny cars that have locks so the clowns can get in, but not get out.
My record is 50 clowns in a car.

File: 1464909716917.png (101KB, 283x302px) Image search: [Google]

101KB, 283x302px

>>31456634
>>31456676
oh fuck

>>31452053
Yeah, well they fucked it up and got one of their guys arrested in KY.

File: 18j16w7xikv8ejpg.jpg (661KB, 960x540px) Image search: [Google]

661KB, 960x540px

>>31451078
>i dont own guns
>im basically a child
>i dont even own a knife
>my knowledge of weapons is maybe a bit higher than the average person's

>>31455987
this level of "going native" is simply unacceptable, anon. We're going to have to pull you out if you don't desist and return to protocol immediately

File: 1316610319964.jpg (23KB, 362x372px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 362x372px

>>31456634
>muslim clowns
that's it, I'm sleeping with my nugget tonight

>>31452053
>Marketers are committing felonies for a film

Hmmm

File: maxresdefault.jpg (88KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

88KB, 1280x720px

>>31458287
i'm not pleased either, but you may be overestimating average.

File: clowns2-full.jpg (3MB, 3000x2000px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 3000x2000px

>>31458421
it's a felony to be a clown?

>:mimes: am i being detained?

>>31451596
Top fucking kek anon

File: IuBQfM1 (1).png (772KB, 1280x1844px) Image search: [Google]

772KB, 1280x1844px

I've been training for this day almost all my life.

File: 34355225.jpg (50KB, 425x402px) Image search: [Google]

50KB, 425x402px

You're 21. Just get a fucking gun. Why do you need to ask your dad? If they oppose it, do it discreetly and CC. They can't prevent you from doing it.

You're an A-D-U-L-T, fucking act like one

File: Nanotrassen.png (117KB, 452x635px) Image search: [Google]

117KB, 452x635px

>>31458646
Get the proper gear.

>>31458531
Is...is that cop carrying a deagle?

>>31458836
NYPD so it's probably a S&W 5906.

File: purpose.jpg (7KB, 134x200px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 134x200px

>>31451147
>i wouldn't worry about it.

>>31458646
At last

A use for all those hours spent playing autism manifest

>>31458730
I mean they could just kick him out if they don't like it, that's why he wants his permission.

>>31451596
It's like Stephen King (not /k/ approved btw) and Tom Clancy had a literary baby.

File: muhstoppinpower.jpg (169KB, 1440x1440px) Image search: [Google]

169KB, 1440x1440px

>>31451596
REMOVE HONK
REMOVE HONK
REMOVE HONK

>>31451596
Top shelf stuff man

>>31455376
Exactly what I told my sister and my girlfriend once we started seeing the reports

>>31451078
Everyone's out seeing clowns and I'm just sitting here wishing Dr. Rockso jumps out of the woods with all his cocaine

>>31457398
You sound like someone I'd like to keep forever

>>31451078
Fuck clowns, shoot on sight. Shoot to kill.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2016/09/25/lurking-clown-arrested-in-kentucky-woods.html

http://www.al.com/news/birmingham/index.ssf/2016/09/nine_clown_arrests_so_far_in_a.html

>>31460963
Kek.

File: jp-and-gertrude-at-the-computer.jpg (12KB, 300x297px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 300x297px

>>31451147
>AFAIK those clowns haven't hurt anybody yet, good situational awareness will probably serve you the best.

>>31458421

2007 Boston Mooninite panic

File: 1456107816479.jpg (145KB, 696x552px) Image search: [Google]

145KB, 696x552px

>>31451630
>>31451630

>>31451078
Clown lives matter!

>>31458318
I feel like clowns are haram.

File: Banana Cream Pie.jpg (186KB, 1478x979px) Image search: [Google]

186KB, 1478x979px

>>31455987
This is the only way to truly defeat the clown.
Break his spirit, show no mercy, honk his women.

Razor wire in the pies helps too..

>>31458531
S&W 5946, DAO variant of the 5906 that NYPD officers can choose to carry

>>31451630
yessss

>>31451951
...hhhow do you know this, anon?
Unless you are a rednose...

File: image.jpg (60KB, 429x410px) Image search: [Google]

60KB, 429x410px

>>31451596
Ja ja gut

>>31451756
fuck off with your marketing shit its so fucking obvious

>>31458876
you really are a special cookie

>>31451102
They were happening in France as well, faggot.

>>31453270
What about greysuits?

>>31458646
>>31458926
What game?

>>31451078
Buy a hipoint pistol, a pack of Marlboro reds and 3 magazines.

That should be sufficient enough to ward off the clowns

>>31451957
One has already been arrested.
More to come, I'm sure.
It's not exactly the smartest pastime.

>>31452822
>laugh off
heh

>>31459012
They could, but then they would be bad parents.
>my child bought a gun and I didn't feel safe so I kicked them out of house and home while they were in school bettering their own life (probably on my dime)
What is self-defeat?
You'd have to be pretty fucking anti-gun (inanimate object) to give the boot to your child over it. I can see not allowing them to keep it in the house (this is some retarded-tier logic that parents might come to rest upon, defeating the purpose of the gun in the first place), but to disown them? I would be fucking amazed.

I feel like at some point during the hop between Berenstain and berenstein I ended up in the meme dimension.

File: D1EBFFAE-orig_zpsc2e66ca1.jpg (91KB, 1024x768px) Image search: [Google]

91KB, 1024x768px

>>31451078

>>31465492
>One has already been arrested.

They need to round up a dozen of them and pack them into the back seat of one patrol car.

File: maxresdefault.jpg (85KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

85KB, 1280x720px

What's wrong anon-kun? We're just going for a walk in woods at night. Hmm? Oh, don't tell me you're scared of clowns.

File: omai.jpg (15KB, 441x408px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 441x408px

>>31465519
I am now imagining a dramatic scene where a child is coming out as pro-gun to his staunchly liberal family

>>31452053
>Well, they’re doing a lousy job, since I haven’t heard about a new IT movie.
>marketing team
Well, they’re doing a lousy job, since I haven’t heard about a new IT movie.

>>31467846
Very
Enthusiastic
Walks

File: Is Your Computer Turned On.jpg (103KB, 371x460px) Image search: [Google]

103KB, 371x460px

>>31468062
You haven't heard about Clowns and Computers?

It looks like it's going to be a moderately funny comedy about a group of down on their luck clowns who are forced to take jobs on a Geek Squad knockoff and wind up stumbling upon some sort of giant corporate conspiracy.

File: k_on_clowns.jpg (791KB, 1680x836px) Image search: [Google]

791KB, 1680x836px

>>31451639
ere you go anon