ridiculous home defense weapons

>>31313206
>Dindu is terrified of my impressive RPM
>YO WUT THE FUK IM OUT HERE
>Bravo 2 niner you are clear for take off
>Barrel into Dindu, poop covered KA-BARS mow the dindu down
>Imagine that scene from 28 weeks later with the helicopter
>First dindu is dead, the other two are moaning in agonizing pain
>Sirenes in the distance as neighbours gather outside house
>Terror on their faces
>Police show up, are visibly sick
>ItWasSelfDefenseOfficer
>Cops transport dindus off my soverign land
>they reccomend me to a specialist
>I am a hero now

So /k/ if you could have any over the top, ridiculous sized weapon for home defense, what would it be?

>>31313212
A bolt action 20mm anti-material rifle

>>31313206

MK19 or any MANPAD.

>>31313212
M198 Howitzer

>>31313261
I too was thinking about artillery but instead of that a nebelwerfer came to my mind

>>31313206
>>31313222
>be me
>late at night
>live in studio apartment
>wake up to the noise of my door being fucked with
>have had issues with burglary before, but i've never been home for it
>luckily, i'm prepared
>recently bought my first gun
>roll over, wake up and take the blankets off the misses
>she's so cold, but makes me so hard
>ooohh man the curves
>20mm Lahti anti-tank gun, already aimed at door
>tactical roll into position
>hear doorknob slowly turn
>grab grip and disengage grip saftey
>CLUNK
>sexy, sexy lahti
>door opens all the way
>three african gentleman
>scream TALVISOTAAAAA
>BLAM
>building shudders
>caralarms go off
>Jamal, Tyrone and Martel all have their torsos vaporized like the rear armor of a t-26
>round penetrates wall
>exits building, lodges itself in an embankment after perforating two vehicles


Remember lads, Always keep your rifle ready to go, you never know when you might need it

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>>31313317
>recently bought my first gun
>20mm Lahti anti-tank gun

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>>31313206
Schwarzlose MG07/12 in 8×50 Austrian

>2 am
>browsing /k/ and drinking mountain dew
>suddenly hear banging on the door
>itstime.gif
>walk over to closet
>open door to reveal mint condition davy crockett launcher with warhead
>hear heavy footsteps
>the time has come
>reach into pocket and activate remote
>the star spangled banner starts playing at full volume through eight speakers around my house
>load warhead onto launcher
>set blast yield all the way up
>set timer all the way down
>footsteps get louder
>three sweaty methheads start pounding on my bedroom door
>activate remote again
>door swings open to reveal a thirty-year-old man dressed like major kong from dr. strangelove
>only without pants
>and holding CONCENTRATED FREEDOM
>scream YEEEHAWWW at the top of my lungs
>pull trigger
>warhead fires
>hits methhead no. 1 square in the chest, breaking his ribs and shoving him into his buddies, who all fall down the stairs
>single second of dazed confusion passes
>hear a click
>warhead detonates
>house vaporized
>entire neighborhood irradiated
>52 people die of exposure
>bald eagle flying above the scene sheds a single tear, then dies as its intestines turn to liquid

>3 am
>on /k/ masturbating to milsurp
>hear negro chatter outside
>timeisnigh.mp3
>combat dive into bedroom
>Tiny air matress sitting next to giant tarp
>pull tarp to reveal GAU-8
>already pointed at door
>"It costs $400,000 to fire this gun"
>Hear angry BLM protestors chanting up the stairs
>put on ear protection
>safety first
>BLM Safespace protestor breaks down door
>Tyron Biggums freezes like a deer in the headlights
>recite the pledge of allegiance
>fire
>BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT.avi
>Protestors are liquifided
>I always wanted to paint the hallway red
>Sound causes all the vets in a 2 mile radius to have flash backs and think they're in Iraq
>War erupts between the VA and BLM
>Make some mac and cheese cause its my cheat day

>>31313317

Holy shit...I kek'd so hard

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>>31313317

>>31313852
beautiful

>1am
>awoken from drunken stupor by noise at back door
>cyka.jpg
>wade through bottles of cheap vodka
>bedroom built around my restored OT-34-85
>climb in and start engine
>group of methheads finally kick in the backdoor
>rewired security system begins playing Soviet national anthem through surround sound system
>methheads shit themselves when 26.5 tonnes of Russian engineering crashes through living room wall
>pryvietcomrades.webm
>fire 85mm cannon, obliterating first blyat and the remainder of my living room
>other two disadvantaged gentlemen attempt to flee
>nyettoday.gif
>fire coaxial flame thrower
>130 meter stream of burning death engulfs the fascists and my house
>drive tank into the street as neighbors look on in awe
>"Is OK Sasha, now we will be together always."
>masturbate then fall asleep on the ammo rack.

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>>31313206

When the dog barks and I get up and check out side I either grab my revolver or tomahawk, I don't really care if I go to prison so long as I know I did the right thing.

>Without property rights you will never have the prosperity of a first world nation.

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>>31313967

8.8 cm Flak anti aircraft gun

>0230 hours
>sound asleep, dreaming of kebab removal
>suddenly a great SMASH awakes me
>hear dindus chimping downstairs
>iwasbornforthis.mp4
>jump out the window, head to backyard
>untarp my M1 Abrams and assume gunner's position
>give an autistic scream as I fire the 105 mm turret in the vicinity of my house
>fully erect
>miss, hit my neighbor's car as it explodes in a hollywood-esque fireball
>whatever, I didn't like him anyway
>reload, fire at house
>hear shrieks of pain as the house becomes a wooden frag grenade, sending shrapnel and chunks of drywall flying everywhere
>oh_fuck.tiff
>re-tarp tank and pretend I didn't see anything
>as the cops start asking me questions, I yawn loudly before pleading the fifth
>16 casualties, 5 dead
>get sent to motel because cops are bros, relocate soon after

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God bless the anon who made this story

>>31313206
I usually have my snub out. I should be fine with a full size handgun indoors but once again the snub is just easier to have in my pocket and easy to put away since its small if its a popo or not dindu.

>>31313259


A MANPAD? Are you retarded?

>>31313261
>M198 Howitzer
M19er8 range 30,000 meters.
21 cm Nebelwerfer 42 range 7,850 meters
15 cm Nebelwerfer 41 range 2,200 meters
i have a big yard

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>>31313317
beautiful