How do I survive a home invasion with /noguns/

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>>30794434

Add a set of deadbolts (that go top and bottom) and a properly strong door to your room. Lock this door if you suspect a home invasion, call the police, and wait.

Then the police arrive and the guy has been gone for 20 minutes. You fill out a report and then mourn the loss of your TV. The police then do nothing.

Have fun.

get a sword
or visit a home depot with $20 and build a shotgun

I read FBI crime statistics and besides firearms, it's all knives, all the time for 'justifiable homicide' more knife-kills than shotguns and rifles for home-defense.

Idk if a club or baseball bat disables less than 'homocides' but a knife seems to work pretty good for home defense, statistically.

>>30794434
As edgy as it may be, a short sword would work nicely. Most burglary incidents don't have an armed suspect, as Jamal usually won't make it a murder case over a flat-screen. Being a total fucking madman with a short sword would probably scare Jamal. Load noise would do it to. Throw down firecrackers, unless you live in fucking Chicago or Detroit Jamal doesn't know what gunshots in a building sound like.

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>>30794434
Like this.

>>30794434
Buy some shit fising rod (literally at $10 one) and then two spearguns and pump the psi up to just above recommended. You can do some damage to a person if you hit them in the correct spot, and if the first one doesn't get them to realise that they messed up then shoot them with it again.

>>30794533
>N-NANI?

>>30794434
don't hesitate.
while gun might be the best tool for home defenses, pretty much anything can be used as long as you're not afraid to use them. a friend of mine once used a fucking plunger to beat the living shit out of the burglar.

>>30794434
Go /berserker/ mode. Most people would run the second any opposition arises. For the ones that don't, grab literally anything and try to kill someone with it in any way you can think of.

Constantly yelling AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA will help. Being naked helps even more. I'm not kidding. Who wants to fight a naked guy who is letting out a guttural yell while sprinting at you with a stapler?

if you can legally buy a gun, BUY A GUN. Used pump shotguns are very cheap.

otherwise, a dog, foam pepper spray, and a fucking sword

>>30794434
Buy a gun.

Or a baseball bat and hope for the best.

>>30794434
Grab a knife or try to come to terms with your fate. Simple, really.

Pepper Spray and Gladius.

>>30794714
Best advice ever uttered on /k/ bar none.

A roll of duct tape. When you hear signs of forced entry, strip your wife naked, duct tape her hands behind her back and her mouth shut, push her onto the bed, and run and hide in the closet. That should be enough to keep Tyrone and Jamal busy while you silently dial 911 and wait for the real men with guns to arrive.

Keep a ski mask.

Put it on.

Confront burglar.

"Fuck off man I broke into this house first."

Why are you nogunz?

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>>30794434
Get a knife.

bash their heads in

>>30795055
Canada

dragon dildos
just dozens and dozens of dragon dildos

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>>30795106
These edits are great.

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>>30795204
No excuse. Go full out paperwork. Get SKS. Has the rugged.

>Where at comrade? I was in Toronto last week

>>30795294
also Toronto, lived here my whole life

no race riots here, at least for now

we're close to the US tho, it could come here which is why I made this thread

I have a gun at my cabin for hunting but can't really keep one in the big city

>>30795314
Is toranto full nogunz? If not you should, and introduce your friends to the joy, and have your friends show their friends and so on.

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>>30794434
>>30794520
>>30794934

>anon hears a crash in the night
>thisismymoment.jpg
>swiftly dons Lorica Hamata and Centurion helmet
>grabs Gladius and Scutum
>Short step marches towards living room
>2 nignogs double take at the Roman staring them down from the hallway while they cradle anon's flat screen
>AVE NEX ALEA
>Anon advances at the enemy
>Nignogs uncertain what to do, one of them tries to body slam anon
>Anon knocks out nignog 1's front teeth with a solid strike from his scutum, and then hamstrings nog1
>Nog 1 shrieks in agony, which is immediately silenced with a hobnailed sandal to the face
>Nog 2 shits himself while grabbing at his waistband for his glock 40 problem solver
>But anon is upon him
>Anon remove's nog2's hand and then stabs him in the belly
>As nog2 begins to bleed to death anon whispers into his ear
>"latrones es crucifigi"
>police arrive 15 minutes later to the sight of anon nailing both intruders to crosses on his front lawn

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>>30795314
What is your concern there? I was just there and have never felt safer in any city. Everyone was actually a decent human being and the only black people I saw were definitely not nigs. If shit goes down in your house intimidating presence and a blunt object should do the job. Home invasion comes down to getting that fucker out of there fast, and going all batshit insane with a desk lamp would scare anyone shitless. /k/ just has you paranoid, and even then it is fear of the nig, not anything you would encounter.

>>30795353
It's not that Toronto is no guns, it's that Southern Ontario is pretty fucked for crown land to shoot on and also lacks a lot of shooting ranges. It's not uncommon to have to drive 1 or 2 hours to go shooting.

According to the RCMP (so take it with a grain of salt), the number of shooting ranges and gun clubs has dropped by roughly 25% over the last few years but the number of gun owners has increased by roughly 50% so the problem is only going to get worse. It's great to see more Canadians getting into shooting and firearms ownership but dense urbanization makes it inconvenient.

>>30795015
underrated post

>>30795433
Not the OP but I used to live in Scarbiorough (now WINdsor). I have fond memories of an addict stuffing his 7 year old kid through a small hole in the security grates of our windows so they could steal everything, including the frozen orange juice in our freezer. The cops found out he used the kid (we weren't home) because his prints were on everything.

Or the time my friend was held up at shotgun-point in broad daylight on the way home from work.

Or the time a group of Somali kids curb stomped an Afghani kid to death and sparked a mini jihad on jihad.

A lot has changed since the 90's but there are still areas that aren't great.

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>>30795384

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>>30795486
Noted, but I live in a fairly small town and we have had 4 home invasions, two drug related murders, three major-enough-to-war gangs and more drugs on the street then I care to consider. Your problems are about on par with a couple months around here and I'm in the hick ass end of nowhere.

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>>30795384
>finally got a use out of this pic

>>30795384
>AVE NEX ALEA
Hail... murdercube? Between the two of us, who is the retard here?

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>>30795384

>>30795610
>doesn't know what the murdercube is

Hello newfag. You might want to lurk for a while longer before you call anyone a retard

>>30795610
You.

Ave nex alea

Saluto nex alea

War is the way of man

Man is the means of war

Murdercube allows us war

Our worship is our readiness

Ave nex alea

Saluto nex alea

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>>30795610
so, newfriend, the murdercube is an anti gun piece made up of lots of guns, that /k/ started worshipping at a martyr

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>>30794434
Bees

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>>30794434
Thus.

>>30794972
Kek

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>>30794434
sword, big, scary, can cut a mother fucker

>>30794434
Buy a gun obviously

>>30795384
All memes aside, a spear or short sword like a gladius ( meme steel actually makes a decent one for cheap https://amzn.com/B004MMS0PE ) is your best option. That is unless Canada doesn't restrict blackpowder (ie. cap and ball) revolvers, then I'd recommend you pick up one of those and keep your powder dry.

Alternatively, I know for a fact that Canada doesn't restrict antique firearms so long as they don't chamber certain rounds, might want to troll around https://www.simpsonltd.com/ and see if you can't find an old antique pistol or shotgun to keep around the house for nogs.

>>30794434
A hatchet in your right, a kinfe in your left, a dirty tanktop on your top and, boxers and any slippers or flipflops
A baseball bat needs both hands and room to swing but a hatchet is faster and deadlier and you can even throw it.
Its somehow more personal to attack someone with a hatchet.

>>30797406
I second the hatchet. You lose some range vs a bat but it is much more effective if you sharpen it properly. But for the love of God don't throw it. You're losing your weapon that way doing something that don't work well even if you know what you're doing.

>>30797497
*wont. Fucking autocorrect.

>>30794434
Keep your door closed

>>30794533
>>30797406
A good hatchet works That or prepare your anus for annihilation.

>>30794434
lube up your angus

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>>30797062
The Cold Steel Edgius Memechete

You can own a Cold Steel Metal Throwing Dildo for just 29.95
http://youtu.be/sU1P55Z4eD4

>>30794434
bow with broadheads right in the ass, that'll teach Jamal to not break into houses

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A big 18 inch dildo would do some damage

>>30797497
Would a hatchet really deter an invader?
I have doubts it would be that effective against a knife armed man.
A knife is faster and the hatchet has just a little more reach if you use it with one hand, none if you use two.

>>30797676
You need level 4 schild, too.
>tfw no schildwall defending my flatscreen

>>30797584
lmao what a fat fuck, exactly the kind of person I'd expect to use those.

>>30794434
Sabre Military Tear Gas spray in one hand. Ball peen hammer in the other.

>>30795380
Believe it or not, booby trapping your home is illegal :/

>>30797808
would setting trip wires that wake me up when theres an inturder be illegal?

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>>30795791
*MONOLIT INTENSIFIES*

>>30794434
Get a big dog, keep your cell phone close.

>>30797775
what the dildo part or throwing part?

>>30797899
NO! Get a nigger that'll fight the nigger trying to steal your TV

>>30797775
A fat fuck that's strong. He may be the one who benched your mother last night, which I've heard, REQUIRES A LOT OF STRENGTH :D

>>30794434
A fucking door lock?

>>30797935
People have legs to kick doors. Or brains to go through open windows.

>>30797926
Kek

>>30797885
No, but setting trip wires that wake you up when intruder is no more, is illegal. It's actually considered murder :(

>>30794464
Not OP, but what kinda design are we looking at here? One of those double pipe, one-inside-the-other shotgats?

>>30794434
Get the baddest shit that is legal to have

Though if guns are illegal where you are, then defending yourself at all is probably highly regulated as well.

>>30797979
The type of the design that'll explode in your face when you try to shoot it

>>30794434
Yell Allahu Akbar really loud.

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>>30797406
>>30797497
>>30797529
>>30797676
Substitute the hatchet for a fire axe and maybe some fake blood (for effect, real blood will come later)

>crash in the night
>anon is ready
>anon is wearing a wife beater and ranger panties
>anon pours fake blood all over his head and chest while dabbing his face as if he were wearing war paint
>anon grabs his fire axe and sneaks towards the living room that he hears his intruders in
>anon flips a light switch to activate the strobe light that he had installed for this very situation
>anon rushes out into the room and screams
>HERE'S JOHNNY!
>and he comes in swinging
>dindus don't even know what hit them
>2 dindus down, blood spurting everywhere
>entire room looks like a jackson pollock
>third dindu runs for the front door, but in his confusion he accidentally runs straight into the bathroom
>anon finishes the other two and heads towards the bathroom
>andherewego.gif
>HERE'S JOHNNY
>anon begins to hack open the bathroom door while the dindu trapped inside literally shits himself and begins frantically looking around for escape options
>there is no escape from this hell
>police arrive moments later
>anon is sitting on the doorstep, covered in blood
>the bathroom door has been shredded
>there are only pieces left of the 3 outstanding gentlemen that came into anon's home in order to sell candy in order to raise money for inner city youth basketball teams
>anon has the most warped expression on his face
>not even the police want anything to do with whatever the fuck this is
>police not-so-tactically nope the fuck out

>>30798009
But what if the home invaders are allahu snackbars?

>>30799095
Then they'll all break out their prayer rugs and start chanting towards Mecca.

At which point, anon can then take a knife to both of them.

It's the perfect plan.

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>>30799397
You're a silly doublenigger anon.

( . Y . )
) (
( . )
\ | /

>>30797885
I'm pretty sure in some states the intruder can make you pay for their medical bill for falling and breaking their nose right before they're carted off to jail. Or is that Eurpoe only?

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>>30799631
I've heard this too, that's why you want to go lethal.

Dead man tell no tale.

>>30795015
This desu

>>30794434
A heavy chain with a heavy padlock

>>30797661
They start to tear after a few hard blows to someone. They can also be slippery, wrap the part you're holding in duct or tennis tape

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>>30795841

>>30797926
lol I just imagined a homeless nigger living in your doghouse, running out barking at a home invader and chasing them around biting them

Tiger traps, if you live in the nowhere.

Or just set up some kind of fake bomb in your living room that looks very convincing before you go to sleep every night.

>>30794434
easy
> dont own a home
> they cannot invade what is not there
> you survive everytime

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>>30799918
>Noice

>>30794434
Silence and violence

Or be loud and try to freak them out

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>>30795264

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>>30794434
You wanna go up into crown land, buy a good parcel of land then build a large house with thick stone walls and no windows except for arrowslits. If you can afford it, buy in city. Of course, you'll have building codes to deal with, but after your house is done you won't have to worry about that.

Dig a moat around your stone house, and fill it with water, as nogs are known to not be able to swim. Keep some sort of retractable bridge for the front of your house, a drawbridge will do nicely

Hire some roof koreans, and give them bows with broadhead arrows. Bows are technically not guns, so we still are fulfilling the letter of your post, if not the spirit. Next, hire some rednecks, and train them in the art of sword fighting. If you can afford it, give them proper plate armor as well. Buy some horses, and train them to be ridden into battle by your rednecks.

You'll need some rank and file infantry as well, mexicans are pretty cheap. Give them polearms and crossbows, and train them in basic infantry tactics. Buy some dogs, large ones, german shepards if you can. They'll alert you of intruders and in a pinch can be set upon Jamal.

Finally, since you're not allowed to set up booby-traps, set up a cooking station above your main gate with a easily tip-able cauldron of oil. Deep fry when its not needed, when it is, pour boiling oil on the heretics who dare invade your home.

Finally, declare for your monarchy of choice. I'd suggest the English Crown, now that brexit has gone through since they won't be sending saracens into your newly formed castle to culturally enrich you. If you can get enough men, go on a crusade to retake the holy lands from the saracens.

Since you're in canada, the government will be unable to do anything against your newly established feudal rule, as killing you would only make you win. Conquer the surrounding countryside, and have your new serfs provide half their crops for your consumption.

Deus Vult

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We will weaponize the bees

crossbow OP

you dont need a licence to buy them here, and you saw what happened to the king on game of thrones.

>>30799704
You sound like you speak from experience, something you wanna share anon?

>>30800391
>Next, hire some rednecks, and train them in the art of sword fighting. If you can afford it, give them proper plate armor as well. Buy some horses, and train them to be ridden into battle by your rednecks.
>Be marching onna castle
>Enemy knights charge us
>Camo patterned Plate and lifted saddles
>The last words we hear are "Git R Done!"
Truly you are a monster.

>>30794434

> have dog or professionally installed security system
> kill interloper with a firearm

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>>30794449

>>30795384
Kek, Roman defense force. Nogs won't know what hit them.

>>30794434
begging, pleading

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>>30794434
You can with a knive but in europe they throw you to jail for it.

http://www.infowars.com/finland-man-thrown-in-prison-for-using-excessive-self-defense-against-home-invaders/

>>30794434
Use the time you have to make peace with any God you may believe in

>>30794434

Arm yourself with whatever improvised weapon is closest to you, hide in a closet or locked room, call 911 and hope they leave before the cops get there 15 minutes later.

Or go *CHHH-CHHHKKK* really loudly because everyone knows the sound of a shotgun racking is enough to make any intruder brown their pants and exit the premises immediately.

>>30803025
>You can't defend yourself in Europe

A hunter shot a burglar in the head and it looks like he is getting away with it because of self defence.
Happened in Affeln, Germany.

>>30805109
>intruder in house
>frantically search youtube for someone racking a shotgun without any commentary/music

>sneak up behind Jamal
>steal his wallet
>find his house
> rob him blind while he robs you
>cum on whatever you decide to leave behind.

You gotta beat them at their own game

>>30794434
>keep your windows/doors secure and with proper locks
>get a shiny machete and run screaming at anyone who breaks in your house

>>30795204
Lazy shit. Get a shotgun.

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>>30794434
> not owning a gun
>posting on /k/

>>30806072
>making fun of people who contribute to our cause

>>30805294
/k/ likes to believe that Europe is a unified 1984 authoritarian state instead of being comprised of different countries with different laws.

>>30806072
Last time i checked /k/ was "Weapons" not "Guns"

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>>30806113

>>30794714

>dindu breaks in apartment
>it's dark, his head hits something rubbery and somewhat springy
>him and his friend bring their flashlights up towards the ceiling
>there's dragon dildos glued all over the ceiling
>not all of them are clean
>they continually hit their heads on the dragon dildos as they advance towards the tv
>injuries sustained
>as they carry off the cheap LCD tv, they hear footsteps by where the tv should be
>it's a person
>they flash the lights at his enormous figure
>he's totally naked, in a backwards g-string and a red-cap from an old sheet
>He's holding an extra large, black dragon dildo
>"nigga wha da fuk"
>he begins charging towards them
>he lets out his battle cry
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>they drop the massive tv, it's made in china so it shatters upon impact
>they run, run into the collection of dragon dildos
>dindu #2 breaks his nose on a particularly stiff one, trips and falls
>as his mate gets the window, he looks back at him, but alas he's last as the caped hero mercilessly beats him to do death with the black dildo
>he has no choice but to run
>hours later, as the police investigate the scene they have to pry out of the dragon dildo from the anal region of the burglar
>caped hero is alas arrested for defiling a corpse
>the cops crawl out of the apartment to avoid the dildos and whatever may be on them

>>30794464
how do i build from scratch? let me google that for you led to no results

>>30806115
To be fair, to the casual eye is does resemble a 1984ish tier continent with varying shades of grey in each country

>Places like England have CCTV literally everywhere so that Big Brother can keep an eye on you.
>Free speech is restricted, but it's okay because muh hate speech is mean and therefore racists should go to jail.
>You need permission to own guns and can go to prison for defending yourself
>Places like Germany and Sweden get caught not reporting crimes by 'refugees' during election time because they don't want to give right wing parties any ammunition for elections. But that's democracy, rite guis?
>There is a state of perpetual conflict of some kind or another with Russia, and tons of time, money, effort, and energy is devoted to reminding the population why Russians are evil subhumans who cannot be trusted and must be fended off
>The same people like Merkel seem to stay in power forever and basically do whatever they want
>Places like Germany are so tightly indoctrinated to apologize for the sins of their grandfathers, etc that any dissent towards the common think or evidence of national pride is quickly stifled by the thought police. Not 1984 is the lack of nationalism, but the power of the indoctrination and doublethink is pretty 1984 tier
>Strongly ingrained desire to suck the cock of the EU and bow down to a greater power and surrender your freedom

etc. Some of that was obviously inflated for a little extra flavor, but you get the drift.

>>30794434
Put a strong metal wire in any doorway that leads to a tile floored room.and a bell on the wire too.
>Man breaks in
>Enters kitchen or something
>Falls and breaks nose
>Bell rings
>You wake up and beat the ahit out of him with a bat/brick/anything really
>Remove wire, call police.
>Say you tripped him and beat his shit in.

>>30806171

>dragon dildos on wall
>fat man in reverse g string

top kek

since I live in europe I have to use a blunt weapon with excessive padding and use about 0,5 kilograms of force

>>30794533
> Nani
> To be continued
Top quality

>>30795610
You


Our gunfather, who art of hell

Hollowpoint be thy name

Ah Nuuuuuuuuuuuu

Cheeki Breeki Iv Damke

Give us today

Our daily /k/ rations

And forgive not our misfires

As we forgive not those who misfire against us

And lead us all unto Destruction

And deliver us from Peace

For Thine is The War, the Power, and the Gore,

Now and Forever

Ave Nex Alea

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>>30794434

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>>30807728

>>30794434
depends on how alive you want the invader to be

>>30795384
For an extra dash of kek, set crosses on fire.

>>30794464
I was thinking about building a shotgun, but i always wondered, where do i get shells for it? Im Czech so i cant just buy them.