post YFW you hear a noise downstairs

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>>29896230

>>29896240
first post best post

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Let's rock

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>>29896230
>"Since when did I have a downstairs level?"

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>>29896230

I'm hoping the intruder had the courtesy to close the door behind him. The cats might get outside and some of them i'll never be able to get back in the house(anti social fuckers). So I would have to kill the intruder extra hard if he causes me to lose a cat or two.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45glq7huJJc

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>>29896355
>tfw renting a house and have creepy ass cellar style basement that I keep locked tight
There was a corn husk doll with human hair and chalk stains on the floor and walls. I don't normally believe in hoodoo but I sure as hell am not going to do anything but keep post outside.

>>29896450
Just send a catholic priest down there.

>>29896469
I'm not Catholic and don't even think they do exorcisms anymore.

>>29896498
How about you post your basement to /x/ and make it something interesting for once

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Can't kill me if I kill myself

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>>29896230

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>>29896576
Alternatively

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>>29896230
>since when do i have a downstairs?
>mfw condo living

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>I hear a noise downstairs
>mfw i am currently downstairs.

>>29896542
I actually made a thread and just burned the doll like they recommended (not like I was going to keep it anyway)

Landlord himself that the place creeped him out and he just avoided it when renovating after he bought it except to do a structure test.

>>29896722

>"No, John, you are the noise."
>And then John was an urban youth

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>LET'S NOT TURN THIS RAPE INTO A MURDER.

>>29896230
Oh jeezuz it's the mandroid

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>>29896795
Forgot the picture

>>29896727
Well, didja at least got yourself some sage and cleansed the place?

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>>29896230
I'm not a morning person.

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>>29897507

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>>29896230

>>29896498
The Catholic Church actually does support exorcism in official capacity, just not very publicly and you have to have a pretty damn good reason for them to go 1800s on your property.

>>29896453
Hey whats this faggot Cheshire doing here?

Manticores are superior.

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I'm -5.50 in both eyes and have to wear contacts in glasses. I have zero clue where my glasses are so i'll have to put in my lenses and get my gun in complete darkness. What are the chances that I won't get culturally enriched before then?

>>29897633
>wear contacts in glasses.
>in
*and
Fuck.

>implying I can afford a downstairs

>>29897633
>get glasses
>aim point of blur after confirming they aren't your parents drunkenly trying to set up a surprise party

>>29897671
Wait, misread that. Skip the first step and continue to the second. Also find your glasses.

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I'm tired as fuck so this cunt is about to learn to knock first

>>29897687
My house is like the bermuda fucking triangle anon. I'm anal retentive about keeping things neat and orderly, but for some reason my glasses and keys *always* disappear.

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>u dun goof'd

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You lads remember the story about that kid who attempted to fuck the man who broke into his house? I'm going to succeed where he failed.

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Does anyone have that webm of the break-in scene from Gunsmith Cats?

>>29896629
Old memes are best memes.

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>>29896230
>rush to next room
>wake up 6ft nile monitor
>proceed to run downstairs with thrashing hungry killing machine
>grab pepper spray and rock salt for flavoring
>mfw use lizard to kill a man

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>>29896230

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>daddahs home :^)

>qt trap btw

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>>29897948
>nile monitor
>implying that it won't fuck you up six ways from sunday for daring to wake it up without offering tribute

You fool, you'd be giving it the taste for human flesh.

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>>29896230
I have prepared for this moment for years

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>>29898066
home invaders are my tribute

between the nile monitor , the mosin , the dog ,
and the oscar that somehow gets out there will
be some much viscera the cops wont know
what hit the invader

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I'd invite him up for tea

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>COMIN AT YA DANICA PATRIC...KA
>DAMN IT

>>29896727
Post pics

>>29897584
Will they send [spoiler]Iscariot[spoiler].

>>29896469
He said he had a voodoo problem.

Not a little boy needing raped problem.

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>>29897898
I got you f a m

>>29896497
So kawaii. Too bad it isnt nip armor

>>29898116
>tfw Anderson will never cleanse your home
>tfw you will never invite him for a cup of tea and some food afterwards, maybe a chat if it's not a busy day

Genuinely nice guy aside from the bloodlust.

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>>29896230
mfw

>>29896403
>muh dick

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>>29896230
>MFW I'm on the first floor
>MFW I realize I'm in a shitty creepypasta

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>>29896230
About fucking time

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I'd probably spend too much time trying to decide which gun to grab and just end up getting raped

>>29897596
>Not liking the ultra smug Cheshire
Get a load of this faggot

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>tfw you just get back from a range trip

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>>29899003
I love how there are posters on here that into /monster/

>>29896268
>dat smug face
>dat wife cool with it

His body is ready. He's a lean, mean, killing machine.

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>>29896230
>mfw

is this what americans do? Just sit in their shitty house holding a gun just waiting for someone to try to break in so they can legally kill a man?

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>>29899066
Yes

>>29899066
yes


you don't? what country and WHY NOT?

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>>29899066
Yea, we all just sit here in our computer chairs specially made for our 200 pound overweight bodies and listen to the Star Spangled Banner, order Mcdonalds food on pallets and coca cola in drums, watch football, read the bible and rehearse verses, shoot out our windows at our neighbors if they're being too loud, and take the scooter to church and walmart on Sundays.

If you see anyone or anything pointing to otherwise, it's a lie told by the media to make it seem like our obesity and diabetes problems aren't real.

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Honestly, pic related. If a noise wakes me up, I always have that terrified feeling until my pisol and flashlight is in hand. Nothing worse than waking up to that feeling that someone is IN the house.

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>grab trench gun
>fix bayonet
"...finally"

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>live on first floor
>no basement
>no crawl-space
>mfw

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>mfw no downstairs
>mfw I have to preform another exorcism

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It's happening

>>29896719
Sledgehammer would be 10/10 were it not for his trigger discipline

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>>29896230
>Downstairs
>One floor house.
>I am the noise.

>>29899277

Sledge doesnt need discipline, he's always with the intent to shoot.

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>>29896230

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>>29896230

>>29896742
>and then John was Jamarquavius

>>29899081
what the fuck i read that as "star wars spangled banner"

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>don't have a downstairs
>fucking raccoons in the crawl space.

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>sleep in basement cause its like free air conditioning
>guard the only way out with my trusty pillow gun
Time to hold the line.

>>29899367
>eastern europe
>two story house
>inna city but big yard and trees with garden all around
>every night around midnight something scratches on rooftop
>I cant fucking sleep what the fuck is going on
>finally one night wait it out outside
>weasels jumping from powercables,trees from rooftop to
rooftop making a fucking mess
>decide not to operate
For a second I though I had space niggers invading.

>>29899066
Jokes on you, I don't have a house.

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>>29896230
mfw

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>>29896230

>>29899825
Underage hasguns /k

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>mfw im down stairs
>mfw I always sleep naked next to my AR 15 next to me

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AAAAAAAHHHHH MOTHERLAAAAAAAND

>>29900199
>have an AK and 30 filled Hungarian steel mags in a wall-space behind my dresser

The unholy wrath of communism will wrap its cold, rotting hands around his throat and drag him back, as he screams pitifully, to the graveyard of life's failures.

>>29900250

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONKNwtlaF44

>>29899047
I want to dom the smug squad.

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>>29896230

>>29898937
>tea
>not to the local pub for a Guinness

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>>29896230
>finally

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>>29896230

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>>29899047
Somebody mentioned monster girls?

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WELL WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR JAMAL

>>29898109
nice

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hide, because self defense is illegal in the once great kingdom of britbongistan

>>29900727
Allah save the queen

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>>29896496

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>>29896630
>be a possibly pigmented intruder
>notice a nice house at the end of the street. Must have something worth taking
>think owner must be paralyzed or some shit
>hardly is ever gone, just a single dim light from upstairs, faint laughing occasionally
>keeps saying kek or some shit, must be retarded
>get the boyz together, gunna steal some this shit
>DanQuan goes in through the garage door and Tyrese and me go through the back door.
>uhhhhhhhh
>whole floor of the house is muck and swamp shit
>tall grass everywhere
>hear screams from the garage
>DanQuan comes running, covered in blood and impaled by a bunch of bamboo
>OH SHEIT
>Tyrese runs to help
>Click
>Tyrese is blown in two by a anti infantry mine.
>knocked on ass by explosion
>hazey, ears filled with EEEEEEEEEE
>Some white fucker in a straw hat standing above me.
>WELCOME TO THE RICE FIELDS MOTHER FUCKER
>Take shitty milsurp SKS stock to the face

>spend the rest of my life as a slave and feild hand in the basement

Don't invade the homes of /k/ommandos. Shit isn't worth it

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>>29896230
>pepper your angus

>>29900826
Hearty kek

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>>29900727
Are you waiting on a happening?

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>live with roommates
>front door occasionally left unlocked/open when no one's home
>have to whip out CCW in view of all my neighbors and clear my house because some dumbass couldn't take the two seconds to secure the front door
at least my neighbors know not to fuck with me

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>Get out of bed take pants off and stroke myself to erection.
>Grab random funz
>Put horse mask and vest on
>Run down stairs doing Krusty the Klown laugh.
>Backdoor is fucked, so only one way in and out.
>Front door and stairwell are right by each other.
RIP in piss

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>>29896230

>>29899856
Source?

>>29900344
>>29900548
>Soviet music playing over an anime gril on a uniform
/k/ in a nutshell senpai

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My entire house is rigged to blow

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>>29900826

Capped

>>29896248
huhuhuhuhuhuh cool!

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>>29900826
Nice post gave me a hearty chuckle.

>>29899335
Your new house words
>"I am the noise"
I'm too lazy to make any heraldry

>>29903432
Clan Anonson family motto: "Et ego a sonitu [I am the noise]"
all we need is a herald and crest

>>29896450
Go to your local ghetto and find the witch woman. I'm not joking, there's one in mine named Mrs Rudolf. She has a monkey foot hanging from her neck and a 3 legged monkey.

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>>29896230

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>tfw 1 story house in Florida

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>>29896230
>"When did i get a downstairs?"

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>>29896230
>hear a noise downstairs
>MFW I live in a basement
Nope, I'm leaving. The mole people can take whatever the fuck they want.

>>29903666
Nice trips Satan.
It would be kinda funny to stop a home invasion with a hand nugget.
I wonder if I can get hollow points for mine...

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>>29896230

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>>29904906
>letting the subterranians have it
>not delaring that this world is under your protection
>not engaging in the most intense battle of your life
>not using hand-to-hand combat alone to spray the guts of your enemies all over the hellscape that your local town becomes when your unstoppable force collides the the immovable objects that are your enemies
>not doing a final battle with the Subterranean King, reigniting your passion for battle
>letting the subterraneans kill the last 30% of humanity left
>mfw

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>>29896230

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>>29900548
>miiafags
>not accepting that polt is the one true monmusu

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>hey /k/ I need smug animu on the down low
sure thing op you should have just said so

>>29900826
kek

>>29899081
>football
handegg*

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>>29896230

>>29905768
Fucking bong.
Australian rules football is the only "man" sport.

>>29902255
That's 0083 pleb lord

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>>29897633
>>29897717
I'm -6.25 in my left eye and -4.5 in my right with a bit of astigmatism and I do fine with just glasses or just contacts, da fuq is up with your eyes son? In any case, it may be worth your while to get a few cheap pairs from Zenni Optical or the like and stash them about the place.

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>>29904999
Check'd

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>single floor house
>crawl space underneath house

>>29899391
Now when you say weasels....

are you talking about the critter or Russians?

>>29896727
Can find no evidence of said thread.

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>>29906179

>>29899066

Yes. Also not all anon, I dunno about EU though.

>>29899066
Not all of them but a lot.

>>29896742
But who was phone???

>>29906145
QUANTUM SHITTING THROUGH THE NTH DIMENSION!

>>29896578
>>29896230
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AC7TJwU4shE

>>29897948
I had to google nile monitor, at first I thought it was some new slang for nigger.

>>29896554
>freedom birds come to take me home...

>live in shitty apartment with 3 redneck roomies
>12 am power goes out
>1215 am loud banging on door
>we all own guns
>2 shotguns, a 30-06, and a handgun are immediately pointed at door

i was mildly disappointed that nothing came of it, but i eagerly await the next power outage. i actually found 8 abandoned gerbils in the forest while taking a leak that night. weird neighborhood

>>29896230
>downstairs
My downstairs neighbor is my landlord so I'm not gonna operate on her.
If it's an inhuman voice then it's go time.
>image limit reached
I was gonna use shiteatinggrin.png

>>29906393
what caliber would /k/ kill a skeleton with?

>>29910307
Fuck this shit imma use a mace not a gun nigga
Like what chances do you have of hitting a skeleton in a dimly lit room with a gun
Hell fuck what if shooting it's skull doesn't do jack shit because it's a skeleton
Nigga maces are the future of anti skeleton warfare
Those niggas never expect a maceman

>>29903170
The anime SOILED HER
SOILED
HER

>>29896240
was going to post this

>fpbp

>Tyrese is blown in two by a anti infantry mine.

Top kek

>>29900727
Are you the MG42 Bong?

>>29910307
12ga slugs
they're weak to blunt damage right?