MRE horror stories thread

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>>29387893
short story

>be inna field
>feel the grumble in my gut
>3 minute warning sounds
>gather my courage, wet wipes and pistol
>head to row of porta shitters
>beg god for forgiveness and open door
>smell of blue water and sun boiled shit hits you in the face like reality hit bruce jenner
>drop trow and center myself
>"wagner loves cock" emblazoned on everything
>shit comes out without issue because i suffer from intestinal problems that makes me never have solid poops
>spend rest of time in field laughing at the only time my problem has benefited me
>mfw i will never suffer the wrath of MRE shits... sour grapes... sour grapes

I thought that the military required you to hydrate yourself frequently enough to make it easy for you to pass MREs.

The only thing that could cause constipation like that would be medicine.

I've suspected they secretly mediate troops or use them to test covert pharmaceuticals...

Never had any evidence aside from the legendary MRE shits.

Maybe it's just the powers way of punishing people that don't hydrate properly? Or do MRE shits happen regardless?

>>29387928
hey you must be a scientist.

but no hydrating yourself is an uphill battle when you sweat just as fast as you can force water into yourself. Most soldiers and marines are indeed taking meds like pain relievers or the like. You CAN prevent MRE shits by drinking a fuck ton of water and not holding it in for days on end but thats easier said than done

>>29387953

I'm no scientist I just try to educate myself about a wide variety of things and I have an unfortunate tendency to act like I know more than I actually do.

I was thinking opiates would be the only thing that could cause constipation like that.

But, troops get drug tested frequently enough, and dosing MREs with opiates for some obscure combat benefit could be derogatory to wounded soldiers, what with building up tolerances.

Or, maybe it's some very obscure and little known opioid that gets past screening... it'd have to be if MREs are secretly spiked, because civilians can access them.

>>29387893
don't MREs come with a chewing gum laxative to help you shit?

>>29387893
I know that the gum is a mild laxative but have any of you guys tried chewing it to avoid really bad mre poops? It usually helped me despite not hydrating enough many days

>>29388019
no the chewing gum is just off brand chiclets gum

>>29388031
the gum is not a laxative but chewing gum helps keep you from further dehydration

>>29388003
>Most soldiers and marines are indeed taking meds like pain relievers or the like

I'm doing a 100 mile hike in the highlands in a couple weeks time. It'll be 5 days long and we'll be eating nothing but ORP. How fucked am I?

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4000kcal in a day's package.

>Inna FDF
>Eat maltodextrine dryfood for weeks in a row whilst sitting innawoods
>Tastes bland
>Loving all these peanuts, Johnny West and meat-in-a-tube
>Shit in the woods comfortably, drop pants, hug a tree, let it drop
9/10 experience, would do again.
I've still got a few hundred packages of the dryfood left in store.

>>29388040
The gum in mres is sweetened with xylitol so it helps to some extent.

Anybody got the one where the guy finds out the rice he was eating was actually maggots?

>>29388972
More protein than in rice. Sounds pretty good to me.