OH SHIT! (which wep is best for home defense-scenario edition)

Four sawn off nuggets taped together.

But fired backwards so the recoil knocks them back down the stairs and onto the four bayonet spears taped together.

>Officer I swear he tripped and fell like this

Of what I have on hand? Stab the upstanding citizen with my SKS, fire rounds into him, then go innawoods.

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>>29189608
This made me laugh more than it should have

No, no.

It was funny.

It was very, very funny.


>>29189651
Will you remove kebab in the process? If not you can leave.

>>29189737
When is that ever not a thing?

>>29189540
Hory shet these forearms, what's his routine?
>Gasp Inc pants
>Bodybuilder/gymrat confirmed

I would beat that motherfucker with a pillowcase full of hi-points.

>>29190093
too poor to afford a pillow i see.

M1 Garand with old M2 ball ammo

>BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM PING ... REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Stairs? Safe? Naw.
It's 2am and I awake to the sound of my front door getting kicked in. As I groggily come out of my gin & tonic induced stupor, the intruder walks the two steps necessary to get to my bedroom and kicks that in as well. In a flurry of blankets I roll off the bed and grab my .38 (loaded with Hornady Critical Defense, since you ask) lying under the bed frame. I empty the cylinder at the intruder while screaming incomprehensibly, likely at a higher octave than I would prefer.

>>29189540
I'd grab the 870 and load up some 00 buckshot. don't own a hand gun :/

>>29189540
PTRD

>DON'T JUST STAND THERE COME IN

>>29189540
>wake up
>no hot wife
>no kids
>in run down apartment
>only a nugget

>>29189540
My AR-15 with PMC Bronze ammunition, because I'm poor and can't afford the gucci stuff.

I've also got my USP .45 with Hornandy Critical Duty, I don't know if that's any better though.

Either way, the redguard is dead

>safe
My ar is ready to go next to my night stand with ear pro draped over it.

>>29189540
In all honesty. I think a submachine gun with hollowpoints would be the optimal choice.
Tactical *short* semi-auto shotgun in second.

>>29191767
>let's do this

Blast him away with an MP40 using hollow point rounds, I don't want him walking after breaking into my home so boom go his knees

>>29189540
>2am
I get phone call from hot wife. Run to sporting goods and buy a box of ammo 9mm hps because i used all mine at the range thenday before and no carry ammo cuz no license. Speed home in 3 mins. Wife has door barricaded and is armed with her choice with ammo since is permit holder. Pick up Smith andnWesson from coffee table in front of TV where I was dry firing day before. Load up and shit then scream for guy to come down police is here. Drop gun and lay on floor while copsmsweep area and drag guyndown. We were prepared for this with home safety features that withstood the intruders attempts and nobody was hurt. Muthafuckin win.

>>29191966
Tablet typos and commissions:

S&W Shield
Sporting goods counter on otherside of 24\7 walmart where I work in.
Wife armed with the 1911 with one of the ammo

>hear noise
>two seconds to reach my 10mm at my desk
>see Tyrone, shoot Tyrone
>kill him, his homies, his dog, and three of the neighbors
>permanently deaf
Worth.

>>29191651
At least this guy is realistic

>>29189540
>be me
>2am
>sitting directly in front of my front door
>just like every night
>5.45 VEPR next to me
>laptop in my lap
>hear banging on door
>burglar doesn't even make it inside before getting ventilated

My patience will pay off some day

>>29192054
The intrude came through a window dumbass. Probably one behind you.

>>29192074
>2016
>having windows
lol

Remington 870 up in this mother fucker

Well I am awake and have my Glock 29 in front of me. I think I'd be alright, and who needs hearing anyway?

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>>29191809

>>29192054
if you don't sight the target how can you confirm that it's not some poor innocent kid or an LEO doing a legitimate enquiry.
How could you ever justify to a court or an investigator that you perceived and felt a legitimate honest threat of death/serious harm?
You must be trolling

I actually don't have a viable hd gun so I guess my .44 or if I can load it quick enough the .50 Barrett

>>29192158

I didn't say I'd shoot through the door

>>29189540
You see comrade I have excellent plan to stop capitalist robber. I have excellent trap of spears made of glorious Mosin with bayonet in wall besides stairs. When stupid capitalist pig goes on stair he is impaled by the glory of mother Russia. In mornings of no trappings I sing of glories of revolution to turn off trap, and before bed I praise comrade Stalin to turn on trap.

My mossy 500 with birdshot in it. Don't want to kill my family members. 00 Buck in the shell holder thing just in case shit gets really serious.

...Don't really want to call it the "shell holder thing" but idk what else to call that shit.

>2am, dogs freaking out, door kicks down
>tyreese makes his way down my narrow ass hallway
>scream for him to get the fuck out of here or get blown away
>FUK U NIGGA LMAO
>ok then
> unload 5 rounds of birdshot down the hallway, virtual meat grinder
>blind, ears ringing, pants shat
>wow that was unpleasant
>fuck here comes legal shitstorm for shooting tyreese
>eventually end lengthy legal battle with tyreese's family (he dindu nuffin)
>move the fuck out of my house
>move someplace where bears are a bigger problem than home invasions

If you have a few seconds to spare why not have electronic earpro on standby?

Quickly get my firearm and apprehend the strange woman in my bed and call the police to come and retrieve her and her children.

Sick whore sneaked into my house, crawled into my bed and put her children in my guest room. What the fuck type of person does this?

>>29189540
>2am
>not awake
Fucking normie GET OUT REEEEEEEEEEE

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>>29189540
100mm BS-3 at the top of the stairs. (its a really long staircase and its camouflaged so they can't see it)

>>29189540

.50 Beowulf converted AR, if it's good enough for good sized trucks it's good enough for idiots

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M1 Garand chambered in 20mm.

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>>29189540
>Grab 870 with birdshot
>birdshot
>Don't wanna rip up that nice drywall I replaced from last time
>Dump my high capacity assault clipazine into him
>Shred the dindu into pulled pork
>Lean over his corpse
>"Pfft. Never liked dark meat anyways"
>Show up at his funeral to protest his dark ways
>Go back home
>Sex up beautiful Swedish wife
>Go hang out at local lgs

>>29189540
>2am
>I am awoken from my peaceful slumber by a noise
>could it be...?
>get out of bed, walk up to bedroom door, listen closely
>I hear the crunch of glass
>Yes, this is it
>this is the moment I have been training for all my life
>a nigga finally did
>I go over to my safe
>open it, and there it is, my beauty, my favorite
>my Cz75 SP-01 Tactical
>grab magazine specially prepared with 135gr Hornady Critical Duty self defense rounds
>for the dindus have invaded my castle, and it is time to defend my territory
>lock and load magazine, do quick function check to ensure my tactical light is working
>tip toe back to bedroom door
>hear melanin enriched gentlemen creeping up stairs
>all I can do is grin as I know the hell that will be unleashed in a matter of seconds
>this. Is. It.
>I open the door
>get on the floor
>everybody walk the dinosaur

>>29189540
Throw tactical watermelon down the stairs to distract him, then shoot him with .45ACP once, should be enough.

>>29191745

This kills the neighbors

>>29189737
Didn't even draw him getting impaled, you get a zero.

>>29192168
>.50 Barrett
BOOOOM-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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This.

>>29191651
>.38
>you just can't rely on 'em to put a man down.

>>29189540
>Your hot wife
I'm a cuckold now?

>>29189540
I keep a suppressed Glock 21sf by the bed with a 16rd mag and a TLR2 laser/light. Seeing as I use Winchester Ranger-T+p 45s, he's gone.

>>29189540
>hear crash
>jump up, probably spill my water cup
>reach for marlin 336W
>cats get spooked and run under the couch
>miss because I'm not wearing my glasses
>hopefully they run out
>make a pot of coffee and wait for the police to come
I'm pretty fucked in the event of a home invasion

>>29191585
Here's your (you) for making me laugh on the train to school.

Several aluminum arrows with 50lbs of draw fucked.

>>29191780
Good advice I read in Boston T. Party's Gun Bible: use 550 cord to attach mil.-issue hearing pro box w/earplugs to your nightstand rifle. Memo to self: Do this.