> POLICE WE'RE COMING IN you have 10 seconds /k/

>>28097952
well, you could just use doorbell

>>28097952
Thats why I've designed the first room of my house to look just like the front porch entrance, just reversed. In case of a raid I would dress as law enforcement breaching through from the other side, and then in the confusion would slip out in the confusion.

>>28097995
Fuck, meant to say I'd slip out in the confusion. Damn, my plan worked too well.

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>lie down on my stomach
>hands behind my back
>they undoubtedly use excessive force
>obviously wrong house since I dont do anything worth a fucking raid
>have a family friend who is a bigshot lawyer
>sue police department for millions
>move out to wyoming or alaska with new found nest egg
>live the rest of my life in glorious solitude with all the guns I could ever want

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I am ready. I got my fleshlight to be used as a supressor, weaponized wasps, cosmoline, and slavshit all ready to defend my anus. Oh, and Hickok's in my closet waiting to pop those pigs like two liters.

>>28097952
You guys are way late, the illegal shit is gone and my dog died months ago

>>28097995
this is the greatest thing i have ever heard

>sprint to kitchen
>grab jumbo bag of powdered mini donuts from my pantry
>dump all over floor, grab AR, and hoof it out the back door to hide in the cornfield behind my house

>>28098060
How do you get gains to carry all your gear if you don't have weight on the squat rack?

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>>28097952
well I sexually identify as an attack helicopter so they're going to need a fucking army to get me out

>>28098149
>Fleshlight go on rifle
>Cosmoline go in rifle
>Slavshit go in arms
>Wasps go in air
You see comrade squats are not of need

please cap these 3 fucking immortal Chihuahuas I'm dealing with

>>28098294

How nice of you to ask. We were just going to do that anyway.

1. jump out window
2. run like hell

I have never met anyone in my life that can sprint faster than me. Assuming they don't just shoot me I think i actually have a chance of getting away.

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>>28098330

>>28098373

>Implying cops don't cover every exit
>Implying you can outrun a bullet

You open your gun safe (otherwise they'll wreck it prying it open), put your lawyer on speakerphone, and lay down on the floor with your hands behind your head in this situation. Unless it's during an open insurrection/civil war, fighting the authorities anywhere but open court is retarded.

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>>28097952
Grab onto the chest of pic related from the last thread about something I had 10 seconds to prepare to defend my apartment from and have him fly me out.

>>28097952
I'd just let them in, I'm not a degenerate with child porn laying about or whatever else you autists got.

>>28097952
open the door as they swing battering ram

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Daily reminder that child sex abuse is not a joke and a serious problem in society

Well I live on 100 acres and have a bunker and escape shaft that is 1000 feet long so I go inna shaft then shoot at the window in my attic, why you ask? I have 2 50 gallon drums of tannerite in my attic which I use for my explosive targets.

>>28098379
top kek

>>28099014
Are you implying being raided is fine if you have CP? Fuck you.

Joke's on them, I'm not even at home

>>28099196
You're on 4chan, anything can be a joke.

>>28097952

>be me
>has reinforced doors and smash/bullet proof windows
>gets on the intercom and laugh at the pigs
And while they are trying to figure out how to get into the house I'd either gear up and get ready to die or call the cops and act like a group of men are trying to break into my house and kill me

>>28099196
I'm turned on

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>>28099196
Like, what even is this post?

>>28098101
The greatest thing i ever heard (today) was your mom moan as i fucked her worn out asshole

>>28099196
What if she wants it?å

>>28099328
>small child
>old enough to make that decision

>>28099295
>Chooses Cholula over Tabasco

Well, that's something not unbased.

>>28099338
What 'decision'? It's just sex. Also she probably masturbates on her own anyway.

>>28097952
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnKuATDRsBs

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>>28099426
Thank you, I have a webm of that but it isn't as good without sound and is apparently also over the max file size.

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DON'T JUST STAND THERE
COME ON IN

>>28099339
cholula is the best, i always have a bottle in the house.

>>28097952
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CiBI0yrtHUo

>>28097952
Slam my bourbon, grab my 9mm seven feet away and an hero.

I'm not shooting any LEOs

>>28099392
Shit like this is why /k/ is on the NSA watch list.

>>28099339

tabasco is good but cholula is better.

Also, real talk, go to pizza hut of all fucking places and ask to buy their honey sriracha sauce. That shit is the tits, I got one place to sell me a whole case once.

>>28099323
it might have been hard to hear her, didnt she have her mouth full?

>>28099261
If you don't encrypt your shit you deserve it desu

>>28097995
Do you have an outfit for every police unit? What if you wear the wrong one?

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>>28097952

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>>28097952

>>28100747
>>28101226

>doesn't even Louisiana Crystal

fags

open the door for them
just boiled the kettle
come on in lads

>>28097952
>put away cock
>wipe off hand
>log out of browser
>stand up quick
4chan.

>>28097952
I step out on the porch and talk to them. I haven't done anything, so I got nothing to worry about.

Assume the party submission position then when they realize I don't have anything illegal I ask is that a FAMAS.

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Hi officers, come on in.

>>28097952
>dress up as a police officer
>leave through back door
>join team at front door
>shoot police dog
>profit???

>>28097952
fuck off coppers, this is my dumpster. go find your own

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>>28099196
>serious problem
kids run faster nowadays, and I'm getting slower.

also: keep your projection to yourself

>>28097952

Tell them to go away, they haven't showed me their warrant.