mfw libtards use canned goods for defense against school shootings

>>24287999
lol kek
what foolish provisions.

>>24287999
This has to be a joke. If not, fear has reached new loftier heights of retardation than ever before.

>>24287999
do these people have brains? that's just laughable, especially since the likely assailant is 99% likely to be a student of the school and know about it too
yeah, that'll really catch him off-guard

>>24288022
Not a joke.

http://www.cchsvoice.org/equipped-with-cans-of-soup-the-alice-drill/

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>We hope the canned food item may never be used, but it is best to be prepared.

Yet they don't understand our reasoning for needing guns.

If only there was some kind of handheld mechanical device that could throw, say 10-17 tiny lead cans of food at an intruder around 1000 to 1200 FPS.

>>24288045
you can't feed starving children with guns

>>24288022
Gun control -- and the absolute supremacy of the state, and the totally going limp and refusing to be your own best provider/first responder -- is a secular religious cult. Once you understand that it becomes much easier.

>>24288047
Anon, please elaborate?

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>>24287999
Let's see your arsenal /k/.
I'm thinking about a can of green beans next, anyone tried one at the range yet? How is the stopping powah and recoil?

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>>24288060
I think he's talking about one of these.

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>mfw this is real life

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No but seriously, this cannot be real. I don't care what internet source you provide I cannot believe this.

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Firearms are bad okay? Instead stone the intruder to death with fucking cans of food.

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>>24288007

>>24288047

Sounds like witchcraft to me.

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>>24287999
>be me
>depressed fag
>sick of getting bullied
>decide to shoot up the school
>have an AR in my hands and a shitty revolver in my jeans pocket
>go through the front door
>light up the receptionist
>gonna kill some kids then an hero
>burst into my classroom
>teacher screams
>shoot her
>aim at some stupid whore on the front row
>get whacked in the face by a can of Heinz Baked beans
>Someone is standing over me
>they have a can of mushroom soup in their hand
>"WELCOME TO THE FOOD BANK, MOTHERFUCKER"
>he smashes it over my head
>the cops faces when they arrive to find my lifeless corpse, covered in mulligatawny soup, tinned tomatoes and baked beans

>>24288064

you don't need high capacity assault cans

all cans should be limited to the size of a tuna can

>inb4 bloomberg finds out and makes certain canned goods 'assault capacity' and lobbies they are banned

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>>24288146

>>24288146
Well helllooo britfag.

>>24288054
You can cute lead deficiency

>>24287999
>Using your survival food as armor

Unlike gear that can be consolidated into one tool/utility like a plate carrier and tactical vest, canned food cannot be consolidated with armor. This class isn't prepared for SHTF. 1/10, maybe some of the food will be left after it's used as armor.

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>>24288064
My humble arsenal

The instant lunch cup raman just doesn't stack up to the competition

>styrofoam cup
>paper lid
>weighs only a quarter of the tin cans

But hey, poorfags gonna poor amirite?

>>24288169
Cure*

>>24288064
>cherry filling
That thing is huge, seems like you're overcompensating for something.

>>24287999
...As a liberal, I find this rather offensive.

Then again, I'm a fairly pro-/k/ liberal, so I guess I'm not exactly standard.

>>24288068
>2010+5
>Not understanding sarcasm

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>>24287999
top kek

>>24288184
uhhh...heh.

anon....just...

Never mind bro. Live on.

I cant wait to see the libtards' faces when being able to put suppressors on their cans becomes NFA regulated

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>>24287999
saved for next humor and/or cringe thread.
even though it's not funny.

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>Non-SAFE Act compliant high capacity clip

And people wonder why the world is laughing at the american education system.

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>"Ghost" can. Notice how their is no serial number or traceable features.

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>Who needs a military style can like the one on the left. If you can't get the job done with a regular can you shouldn't be throwing or owning cans in the first place.

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>>24287999
>canned goods
what's the problem here

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I guess you can say the perpetrator will be CANnon fodder.

>>24288054

Hunting?

>>24288174
read the letter. they don't want to armor the students. the want to ARM them. both ideas are stupid though.

>>24288054
but you can feed guns with starving children

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NOBODY NEEDS A CAN OF FOOD LARGER THAN 4 OZ
BAN ASSAULT CONTAINERS

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Got some good old fashioned CANNED HEAT

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>intruder enters classroom
>students begin to throw assault soup can
>shooter gets some skeet shooting practice
>mfw

>>24288177
>I'm afraid of the future
It isn't the fucking 70's anymore grandpa. Get with the times. Styrofoam allows for a cheaper and lighter container while giving you more ounces. That paper lid is bio degradable
>But muh tin
Sure if you like hefting around metal for the sake of it be my guest. I'll be enjoying my soup.

>>24288064
Meh I just ordered canned tomato paste off amazon for a few bucks. Background check took a fucking week, but it's coming in 5-7 work days. Old pal of mine let me throw his a while back and I was hooked.

I'd go for the green beans, only thing about it is I recommend ordering a few extra lids. Also the label scratches easily.

Stay safe anon.

>>24288316

fudd can caliber

haha what the fuck

do they think they're gonna be stuck in the school for a week?

>>24287999
>The canned food item will give the students a sense of empowerment to protect themselves and will make them feel secure in case an intruder enters their classroom.

O good, they can FEEL secure while they get shot to death, how fun.
why not BE secure rather than feel it?

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http://www.cchsvoice.org/equipped-with-cans-of-soup-the-alice-drill

>English teacher Kate Fleming even suggested equipping each student with a hardcover edition of Madame Bovary.

>Teachers even went so far as to show students a secret dusty tunnel in the physics classroom, as Elaine Picard and Kevin Penucci both did.

>>24288068
Leave it to a tripfag to have the most obvious joke in the world fly right over their head.

>>24288237
>>24288248
>>24288258


enjoy ur party wagon from the BATFECG (Bureau of Alchohol, Tobacco, Firearms, Explosives and Canned Goods)

>>24288191
Alabama

Found the problem

>>24288339
Are you fucking kidding me? Styrofoam is shit. If you throw it and it lands on something sharp you fucking punctured it and have to replace the damn thing.
Tin has superior reliability while offering you a more stable grip and more carrying capacity.

WAIT NEVERMIND

THEY'RE JUST GONNA BASH THE FUCKER OVER THE HEAD WITH IT

anyone got that gif of the kid being hit with the entire classes backpacks

because that'll be the same thing with cans

>>24287999
Guys dont you see the potential...

You could stick tannerite or explosives IN the can and then chuck at edgy shooter insurgent/grenadier style.

>>24288177
Good brands, shit flavors
>Campbell's Chunky Baked Potato with Cheddar & Bacon Bits > all
>Chef Boyardee regular raviolis > all

>>24288394
>I pay more for weight and capacity
Still in the past? Have you seen the new polymer cups? They're incredibly sturdy and allow for more enjoyment of your product.
>inb4 you can get through airport security with it
They have have plenty of tin around the lid area to ensure proper seating of the lid

>>24288234
>Didn't even include the funny as fuck greentext
0/10 shit screencapping

>>24288414
>Chef Boyardee regular raviolis
>Recommending the shittiest canned food item ever
What's it like to drink the fan boy kool aid? I know you think paying more = quality, but you're wrong.

>>24287999
>These people are in charge of educating America's future leaders

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>Sitting in class
>That one quiet kid in class shows up with a gun
>Oh god
>Everyone panics and hides
>I keep my calm
>Now's my chance to save everyone and be a hero
>Look over and see the qt I have a crush on
>She'll love me forever for this
>Bravely stand up and face gunman
>Ready my can
>Go to throw it
>This is going to be the best moment of my life
>Ready my arm for the toss of a lifetime
>Hurl my arm forwards
>No can
>It fell on the floor during my windup
>Can ruptured
>Spaghetti everywhere

Anything above 8 ounces is an assault can and should be banned in schools.

>>24288402
>green bean Beano grenade
The world isn't ready.

>>24288469
Worse than whenever I've dropped my spaghetti

>>24288424
>More enjoyment of your product.
You're joking me, right? I'll have you know I inherited a tin can of beans from my grandfather. It was used in SD when he was a lad. I enjoy everything about it, especially the goddamn feel. Have you felt polymer? It feels cheap and unreliable.
>inb4 tin rusts
Who fucking cares? A little rust can be sanded off no problem. Also, the rust offers superior grip if you're in wet conditions.
>Polymer cups
Cups? No thanks, I would rather have the fucking lid a part of the entire assembly. Polymer cups are weakest at where the cup meets the lid.

I'll stick with what is tried, tested, and true.

>>24288054
>what is hunting

>>24288180

oh shut up

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r8 my carry

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>>24288146

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>>24288531

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>>24288469

I'd say that's pretty up there on the shitty-ways-to-die list

>lose spaghetti in front of hot grill
>get fucking lit up immediately afterwards

oh god this thread. How exactly is a can supposed to stop someone with a gun?

>>24287999
>url links on page

why

>2010+5
>not using an underbarrel grenade launcher and load it with cans
>shiggy to the diggy

>>24288673
It's not. But since the time tested and approved method of huddling in a crowd against a wall and praying for the police did shit all nothing (surprise) in recent shootings, they have to make it look like they're doing something. So instead of encouraging staff and students to come down on an attacker with unrelenting lethal rage they think up another safety blanky procedure to appease scared parents. The sad thing is, they realize there's a problem yet at the same time totally fail to realize the equally obvious solution.

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>>24288064
Armed and dangerous, anon.
Not sure why the pic looks like that.

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>>24288191
>>24287999
>the principal

>>24288719
You don't NEED all that food

you'll get fat, anon

>>24288393
>implying alabama isn't /k/ as fuck

Take your southbashing back to leddit

>>24288531
FDA pls

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>>24288007

>>24288177
Stupid high velocity frangile food containers. Those things are just a fad, barely any energy on the TK scale. You have to buy the heavy for its size cans so you get the stopping power.

So like... do they have the can's on their desk, cocked and loaded? Do they conceal can carry? Should there be a can owner registry? I have so many questions about this... none of which I want answered

>>24288813
Anyone can just walk into a grocery store and buy an assault can. We need universal can background checks

I'm suprised they dindnt just use dragon dildos

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>>24287999
At the end of the school year, the cans will be donated to The Food Closet

>>24288064
>14.5oz

why do you NEED that much pumpkin filling?

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I dont even

>>24288723
And literally no one was surprised.

>>24288124

Funnily enough, a can that incapacitates the intruder can actually kill him; usually it's going to hit him and cause him to fall and hit his head.

Slow death by head trauma is no better than fast death by bullets.

>>24288146

DEATH BY MINESTRONE!

>>24288458
But anon, don't you know: leadership is a direct result of the patriarchal oppression of non-white, non-cis, intersexed niggers.

I couldn't take myself seriously enough to finish that.

>>24288443
>>paying more
>complaining about price for things <$1
What's it like to be forced to ration toilet paper?

>>24288262
I'd prefer to think that the principal got canned for that letter.

>>24288714

why do they still use the "put a desk against the door and wait to get shot" method?

there are plenty of better options

>a security guy with an AR

and/or

CCing Teachers

and/or

>reinforced lockable doors

>>24288248
this is a SFW board you sick fuck

Just give the kids guns.

>>24288064
>14.5oz
You're gonna get a visit from your local ATF agents

>>24288967
BUT ANON, THINK OF DA CHILLUNS

>>24287999
>The canned food item will give students a sense of empowerment to protect themselves and make them feel secure

This HAS to be some sick fucking joke. How the fuck are people like this even allowed to have a job position that deals with children.

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>>24288262

>>24288047
Kek

>>24288947
I honestly don't trust school teachers with firearms, but they should be armed with a minimum of civilian Tasers.

Taser could stand to make a considerable profit if they began marketing the C2 (with re-vamped battery) to school systems in the same way that they market the X26/X2 to police.

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>>24288064
>2015
>not making your own slavshit (canned beets) at home

>>24288068
>IS THAN AN ASSAULT WEAPON?!

>>24289070
OK Dwight

>>24289070
That's a jar not a can.

>>24289184
you mean a fragmentation can

>>24289184
Welcome to the farm, yankee.

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>>24288888
Quints confirm, no surprises.

>>24289070

Called the BATFE. You're in big trouble for those frag cans, kid.

>>24289184
Mason jars are the primary vessel for home canning. Calling them canned beets is correct.

>>24288968

>ATFC goes to raid a Adventist sect suspected of illegally creating 20 oz cans
>Branch Canvidians got tipped-off about the raid
>ATFC tries to storm the compound
>4 agents killed in a hail of cans
>ceasefire
>after a 51 day siege the FBI and ATFC try to force the Canvidians out with tear gas and "accidentally" start a fire

>>24289184
That is a can, it is not a tin.

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>>24288064
>2015
>not keeping your cans in a can rack for easy storing of cans

>>24289278
Jokes on them though, the cans weren't filled yet.

80% finished is NOT a weapon, gtfo ATFC

>>24288045
Fucking this

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>>24289229
call them
>their face when they see pic related

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This picture was taken by the ATF last year in a raid against a can-owner who was unlawfully manufacturing high-capacity rapid-dispensary can magazines in his home workshop.

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>>24288719
>unregistered can of assault beans

reported to USDA

>>24288947
5.56mm can still go through those school walls, even if you have a reinforced door.

>>24289064
Why don't you trust school teachers with guns?

A TASER is a pretty poor weapon against someone with a real gun.

>>24289064

If you can't trust someone who is supposed to be smart enough to teach our children with a firearm then who CAN you trust with firearms?

This just proves that CANS are the only way o protect our children and that firearms should be restricted for everyone.

>>24289363
>5.56mm can still go through those school walls
So can any other lethal bullet.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CoTrWhWkJmA
IVAN FOR ONCE WE ONE UP AMWRICAN TECHNOLOGY

>>24289350
I'm jelly of that

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>>24288007

>>24289363
>Why don't you trust school teachers with guns?

I don't trust the average teacher to devote the time and training necessary to develop any semblance of situational awareness or lethal defensive tactics.

I think that it would be a poor idea to give the the typical bachelor degree holding slacker a gun and say, "Protect the chillums."

A Taser requires minimal training, less liability, and is more effective than a can. I still think that the ultimate solution is an armed security professional/SRO or two, but this may be economically impractical in smaller districts.

>If you can't trust someone who is supposed to be smart enough to teach our children with a firearm then who CAN you trust with firearms?

Clint Eastwood put it best: "I have strong feelings about gun control. If there is a gun around, I want to be in control of it."

Could your average soup can fit in an M203?

>>24289573
>I don't trust the average teacher to devote the time and training necessary to develop any semblance of situational awareness or lethal defensive tactics.
Why not make firearm training and such part of the teacher course. Or alternatively, make it an optional part of the course but encourage it so that it costs less because the teachers pay some.

>>24289573
It shouldn't be mandatory for all teachers but there are enough veterans and pre-existing firearms owners who are teachers that could potentially act as a first responder to shooters.

The best solution regarding armed teachers may be to publically implement the program without disclosing which schools have armed staff or how many. Even if a tiny percentage of schools take on the liability, you still end up with a good deterrence that covers all schools.

>>24289628

>Why not make firearm training and such part of the teacher course.

The only issue I see with this, is that most people who make the conscious decision to become a teacher, either lack or fear violence.

>Or alternatively, make it an optional part of the course but encourage it so that it costs less because the teachers pay some.

This is a good idea and much more realistic, IMO.

>>24289674

Again, this is a good idea and much more realistic, IMO.

>>24289350
Those are some neatly racked fucking cans. I like it.

>>24289587
Average? No, theyre bigger than 40mm. A little 8oz can might could though...

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>>24288301

>>24288260
>someone sends their kid to school with one of these spam cans

>>24289721
>people who make the conscious decision to become a teacher, either lack or fear violence
So liberals? Yea i can see this as a problem, i live in canuckistan, and the teachers here generally dislike guns, But i live in Toronto, the most "multicultural" city. I had this one high school teacher in grade 12 who owned a couple of rifles.

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>>24288064
Check this stoppan powah

>inb4 28oz
>inb4 y u need that much tomato

Lost a friend recently and he was armed with a 16oz Cream of Mushroom, and it didn't drop the assailant in time. You need bigger cans to do the job gentleman.

>>24289363
>Why don't you trust school teachers with guns?
I am a qualified teacher (although currently lecturing at several universities because more money no schoolkids)
I wouldn't trust most colleagues I've worked with in schools with guns. Teaching has a very high burn-out rate (what is it, 80% in the first 5 years?) and I've seen teachers snap many times. Kids can be fucking annoying, and guns would be drawn a LOT in schools if teachers had them. That, or kids will simply take them from the teacher. You think women teachers are competent at anything? I've seen them get cornered in a hallway by a not-even-big kid and burst out crying in fear.

I fucking love guns, I'm a teacher, but I wouldn't trust all teachers with guns. I'd rather see a 30ft barbed wire electric fence with guard dogs and machine-gun-toting guards patrolling the perimeter than that

>>24288054
You can make sure they never, ever have to be hungry again with 'em

>>24289775
But do you think most of the retards would actually seek out the training to carry a gun at work? For whatever reason when "arm teachers" comes up, its assumed we just start handing out glocks to every teacher at the door. Its not mandatory, and they would have to be qualified to shoot accurately and pass a safe handling class.

>>24289350
this pleases my autism

>>24289573
teachers get the same time off as students, and they get paid more than the average full time worker. its easy enough to make summer and winter break practice mandatory.

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>>24288146
>"WELCOME TO THE FOOD BANK, MOTHERFUCKER"
i fuckin lol'd

>>24288260
10/10
>would send my kids with spam can
seriously, i would consider it
>its not very often the teachers at an elementary school speak russian
and if they did know what it is then they would probably be based enough to have a laugh.

You really think food cans aren't dangerous?

When the largest, fattest kid is barreling down on you swinging around a cloth sack full of his entire class' can collection, you just know you're going to become lunch.

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>>24288438
>underrated post

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>>24288262
SHUT THE FUCK UP, CARLOS, NO ONE LIKES YOU

>>24289761
>>24289891
as awesome as that would be, I doubt many kids would be able to throw a full spam can effectively.

>>24290220
Maybe those kids should learn how to lift.

>>24288234
Should have put in the large Cherry Can for overcompensating for a small penis comment and perhaps the humble arsenal.

>>24289363
The point of reinforced doors is to require longer to get through, enabling escape or extended hold out.

>>24290236
>the next generation of /k/ 5th graders all have popeye arms from practicing spam can throwing drills

But wait, doesn't bring all that "unhealthy" canned food to school violate some of Michelle O's new food regs????

>>24289774

Fucking fudd.

Everyone knows can placement is the key factor. With today's modern can technology a 12-16oz is more than capable of doing the job.

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>>24288248
Whatever you faggot. That's just a 80% can you finished on your own, you can see the date mark in the picture. Jesus fucking Christ, kid.

That said, what kind of metal did you go with on the top and bottom and what kind of glue? Are you gonna leave it tin like that, or are you gonna put a sweet label on it?

After Columbine, I just kept a Buck pocket knife with me every day. I didn't care that it was against school code, if someone who is bullied goes AWOL, I'd rather die fighting than die hiding under a desk.

>>24288345
> Not trusting Campbells
> Rich history dating back to 1869
> Came out with the best, most recognizable, and still current design for cans in the US.
Stay, pleb. I bet you buy your soup in those plastic microwaveable ready packs. I bet you get bagged soup.

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>>24288146

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>>24288934

>>24290987
You don't know what AWOL means do you?

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>>24288146
>"WELCOME TO THE FOOD BANK, MOTHERFUCKER"

>>24289831
Well I guess that's where I misunderstood... I assumed people were suggesting that carrying a gun should be another job to add onto the role of teaching in general, not a voluntary thing like a first aid rep.

I agree some teachers carrying guns would be a great idea, if they were concealed and there was a way to prevent any student from grabbing it which is near impossible.

Why can't we just install tesla coils in schools?

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Keep posting yer cans fagits

>>24291303
The same thing as FUBAR, obviously.

/nods seriously

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>>24288064
Keep em pinned down with corned beef hash then flank and hit them with the spam. Works every time.

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>>24287999
I want to see kids get creative with this. I want them to take some Ashen tier canned "goods" and use them. I wonder how those self heating soup tins would fair as projectiles/boiling oil.

>>24291485
>Spam
>2015

Don't you know how aerodynamics work, faggot? Spam is a slow round, It might have stopping power but against armor you might as well just be throwing BAG FOOD at him.

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>>24288064
>low oz armaments
Go big or go home

>>24287999

>knock HIM out

That's sexist.

>>24291643

Silly cyka. With proper bag placement, you can deliver killing wounds with even the lightest of bag food.

>>24288260
And at the end of the year it's donated to the food bank

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>>24288064
>Not having a 29.5 oz can of Mexican made diarrhea chili for self defense

Limp wristed faggot

>>24291622
>bring a can of surströmming
>throw at attacker
>can bursts open
>shooter vomits himself to death

>>24291846
Nuggets need to eat too.

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>>24291884
And my backup can
>inb4 7oz short and weak

Stop carrying that anemic 6oz can girly man

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>>24288146
>"WELCOME TO THE FOOD BANK, MOTHERFUCKER!"

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>>24288881
30BMG anti material high explosive armor piercing incendiary anti children high capacity pumpkin pie mix

>>24288723
And niggers wonder how we were able to enslave them. They literally try to fight guns by throwing shit, spears, and canned food. Bunch of dumb monkeys.

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>>24288064
My CCC.

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>>24292499
And here's my BUC.

I just need tips on how to effectively carry it.

Why not just use fire extinguishers? One for each classroom?

>High pressure stream of Foam/CO2 to blind the shooter
>Foam/CO2 goes right in his nose and mouth, so he really can't focus with any shots on account of choking
>Half full extinguisher still made of solid fucking metal, heavy enough to clobber the unbalanced, off point shooter to the ground

Then it's just deciding whether to restrain the dude for the police/first responders to come, or let the adrenaline and repressed anger flow and cave the shooters head in

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>not carrying a 6lb can
It's all about that stopping power guys.

>>24292831
Nice stock photo poorfag.
>thinking you'd ever have the cash to afford such a bohemoth

>>24287999
>English teacher Kate Fleming even suggested equipping each student with a hardcover edition of Madame Bovary.
>Math teacher Jeryll Kennedy even brought three filing cabinets into the classroom to barricade the doors
>Each science classroom is equipped with cans of soup to be thrown at the intruder in the instance that the intruder enters the classroom.
>World Religions teacher Ethan Hoblitzelle encouraged a calm state of mind during these drills by allowing his students to meditate.
>Teachers even went so far as to show students a secret dusty tunnel in the physics classroom

>hear a crash in the middle of the night
>panic, realizing I didn't barricade my door with the three filing cabinets I bought specifically for that purpose
>stop, realize that meditation is the correct answer to this situation
>after calming my nerves with five minutes of meditation, reach into my nightstand and grab my trusty can of campbells (inb4 get a modern polymer soup can, metal is superior) and my shitty french novel, just like I was taught in school
>head towards the living room, confident in my state approved armaments
>see jamal moving on to the kitchen, since he emptied the living room while I was meditating
>"STOP! I have a zero tolerance policy for stealing here!"
>oh shit, he didn't leave after that stern warning
>lob my can of campbells in his direction, suddenly wishing I had spent more time at the range
>hits the wall beside him, no effect on target
>charge with my novel
>hit him repeatedly with my softcover copy (hardcovers are for criminals who want to kill cops)
>he seems unfazed
>maybe I should actually have tried in PE instead of just collecting my "everybody wins!" medal
>nope the fuck out towards the basement
>gotta get to my escape tunnel
>feel my own carving knife slide between my ribs
>not fair, people aren't supposed to use actual weapons to fight eachother

>>24292861
I think the word you are looking for is "behemoth".

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>>24292861
>implying implicating implications
If I can afford this big motherfucker with a handle for added swinging what makes you think I can't afford a 6lb hominy can?

>>24293027

Dat .577 Tyrannosaur Can with quick dry and assault gloss technology.

Son, that's not a magnum, that's an elephant slayer.

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>>24288146
capped

DAILY REMINDER TO BAN ALL ASSAULT CANS

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i only use the most expensive cans to defend myself

>>24292990
That would be accurate

I'm thinking canned grenades.

Have the top half of your can full of nitrogen triiodide wetted under ammonia, and the bottom filled with dessicated potassium nitrate prills, wrapped in a plastic covering.

Pull the ring-pull on the can and it drops the NI3 solution into the KNO3, drying it out. The newly powdered NI3 will explode almost immediately.

Hell, they could make a science class of making these.

>>24287999
So you're telling me...violence IS the answer?

> mfw dumb as shit liberals are finally coming to a realization

>>24293323
Very takbir, apparently others in the thread had the same idea.

>>24288047
Ban assault soup clips

>>24288153
I did find it funny they requested 8 oz cans when most cans are 14

>>24288947
They would have to acknowledge the usefulness of guns

>>24292499
Omg I visit that web site too

>>24288316
I'm going up the country, Ivan, don't you want to go?
I'm going up the country, Ivan, don't you want to go?
I'm going to some place where I've never been before.

I'm going where the cosmoline is fine.
I'm going where the cosmoline is fine.
Going to oil my weapon 'till it slides and shines.

I'm gonna leave this city, got to get away.
I'm gonna leave this city, got to get away.
All these pussies and libtards, man, you know I sure can't stay.

Now Ivan, pack your leaving trunk, you know we've got to leave today,
Just exactly where we're going I sure can say, and
We won't ever leave the USA,
'Cause there's a brand new game that I want to play.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2t4ChnIWqw

>>24287999
bumping bc 10/10 thread

>>24289857
>teachers get the same time off as students
LOL NO
I know quite a few teachers, and that's far from true. There is so much work that teachers to outside of class.

>>24288248
There's a serial number on it right there, dumb fuck. Look near the top.

>>24287999
>a new way for schools to save money on the food budget.
Canned good drives all over again
When I was in middles school I WATCHED them take canned food from the drives into the kitchen to feed back to us. Fucking jews.

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>>24288177
>Hot and spicy beef
10/10 would operate with.

>>24288673
It's pretty dumb. But it would probably sting like shit to be pelted by like 20 to 30 cans at once. Though there's certainly heavier things they could throw

>>24295920

Julian date coding, dumb fuck.

>>24288054

My grandfather fed the entire family with a .22 during the Great Depression.

>>24296110
I had to re-read that three times before I realized you weren't speaking of homicide

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>>24288054
>eat the contents of your assault can
>can no-longer at optimal defensive weight
>intruder!
>gets pelted with empty cans of beans and spegheti-o's
>mfw muh chilluns

>>24287999

I once had a foreign exchange student in my english class. He'd just gotten out of the Russian army as a conscript and had deployed to Chechnya once.

He proceeded to tell the class about how, while sitting in a bombed out apartment building, he decided to open up a can of goulash for lunch. Just as he was digging out his can opener, a Chechen ran into the room, spotted him, and raised his AK. He slapped the AK aside, hit the Chechen in the face with the can, fell to the floor and wrestled him for a bit, then proceeded to beat the Chechen to death with a fucking can of goulash. Which he proceeded to wipe the blood off of and consume.

"Goulash taste better that day."

Dmitri was a crazy motherfucker. One of our assignments was to pick a complicated process, such as baking a cake or changing your oil or whatever, and write simple instructions on how to do it.

He presented to the class detailed instructions for homemade napalm and the proper way to deploy a molotov cocktail. With photos. Of the Chechen machine gunner he set ablaze with a fucking molotov because nobody issued him any grenades.

Dmitri horrified all the liberals in class, but I thought he was a cool motherfucker. He was less Rambo and more "this shit sucks, I gotta improvise so I don't die" and he got out of the army as fast as he could and moved to another fucking country so they couldn't recall him to service.

>>24288531

You're going to give the shooter the dick?

> Kids sitting in homeroom talking.
>Joey: "Do you really think a can of tomatoes is going to stop somebody from shooting us?"
>Steve: "IDK, maybe."
>Joey: "... Hey Mark, stand up for a second..."
>Mark stands up and takes a 16 oz can of stewed tomatoes to the temple. Mark sleeps now.
>Steve: "Holy shit, that was awesome! Hey Billy..."

Because kids.

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>>24292953

>>24287999
This is like putting a note on your front door telling the babysitter where your hide-a-key is.

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>>24296271
Based Dmitri.

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>>24296271

>>24296271
>totallyreal.jpg

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i have a 6lb 10oz can of corn from sam's club.


i guess thats the equivlant of having like a hellfire or something lol

>my wife is from korea
>she discovered corn one day
>shes on a corn binge...
>ohwellshescute.jpg

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>>24296402

>>24296563
I see a fat Korean wife in your future.

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Alright Ladies and Gents, this is a weapons board so you know what to do!

POST'M!

>Hybrid liquid solid core
>Water adds density and weight.
>Optimal spin on Flight time to school shooters head. Dat Torque.

Beets are the ultimate self defense vegetable. Prove me wrong, /k/

protip: You can't.

>>24296648
>corn
>making you fat

Dude, corn literally cannot be completely digested by our stomachs. You'll shit it out.

>>24296667
>Beets are the ultimate self defense vegetable.
>posts google image
lying no beets fuck

>>24296648
lol never.
shes the most healthy person i know, and has stayed 115lbs since the day i met her.

>dat korean metabolism.

>>24296694
Bitch, do you think I want to confirm to the government just how many cans of this shit I've got lying around?

You're fuckin' crazy man.

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>>24288934

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>>24296563
>common sense regulation inbound

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>>24287999

My mom's a school bus driver. She said they watched a video today about if an armed man comes on the bus. It said to get phones, money, etc from children and give them to him. Apparently they didn't think of the possibility that he's there to kill

>>24296734
No lie sheepdawg i was down there at the farm expo an this dealer told me nobama is fixin to ban all cans over 10oz. He's going to use executive authority to bypass the NRA too.

>>24287999
The most retarded thing is that they're going to be keeping the fucking canned food items safeguarded and then hand them out when an intruder is in the building, so why the fuck not have actual weapons being safeguarded and handed out? How about fucking rocks? How about pointy sticks? Jesus fucking christ how about some niggersticking knives?

Schools are full of the most ignorant and retarded people I have ever had the displeasure of meeting.

>>24291457
>Tacticool shit

>>24297034
>Does not recognize humor

Protip: It's a canned food drive not a defensive strategy. In pretty poor taste actually.

Just picked up this beauty at the market, had to use it as i walked out.
>be me
>be shopping to rearm myself after nigs broke in to my home,
>see this
>impulse buy
>walk out of the market with it in my pants, couldnt bother to get a holster for it
>had just masturbated before going to the store, and i usually just leave my cum in my underwear, so the can was smeared with my seed
>mugger comes up to me, pointing a gun at me
>gimme all yo cash
>i use my pro Kung-Kwon-Do to wrestle the gun away from him, he gets knocked back as i push him away
>i grab the cum-smeared can from my pants, and whip it at him full speed
>he opens his mouth to scream as he eats the can in his nigger lips
>he falls back, knocked out
>call police, officer comes, tell him what happens
>we became cooking buddies after this, but that's beside the fact
>nigger gets arrested and i go back home
>type this

What does /k/ think?

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>>24297532
forgot pic