There's something Reimu wants you to know!

>>15748791
"I dream about having sex with money."

>>15748791
"Bored handjobs 500 yen only today."

>>15748791
"5000 Yen to use my armpits however you please."

Touhous in anything other than bloomers disgusts me.

>>15748791
Today I'm not a drawer?

She just came to say hello?

I want her to use her hairtubes on my dick

"I recently discovered that my vagina is actually a deep cave system with karst topography. I sent a party of Kappa in last week to see if they could find some jewgold, but only one made it out alive, saying something about treasure. And demons. But treasure!

If you can 'solve' this 'incident', I will totally give you 1/100th of whatever you find. How about it, big boy?"

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>>15748986

>>15749883
This could be a fanfic that reads like House of Leaves.

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>>15749899
Such a fanfic would probably be more academic in tone. So, no big boys and replace "jewgold" with something about DARPA funding grants.

If I had the time and money, I would write the whole thing as part fanfic, part ARG. Insert telephone numbers linking to voicemails in footnotes via acrostic poems, hiding whole chapters in obscure pay-to-publish open access journals.

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>>15748891
>>15748903
Reimu prices correct as of August 2016

Facial = 1000 yen
Handjob = 2000 yen
Buttjob = 4000 yen
Footjob - 5000 yen
Sumata = 6000 yen
Hairjob = 10000 yen
Vaginal = 100000 yen (+5000 raw)
Anal = 12000 yen
Paizuri = 500000 yen
Threesome with Yukari Deluxe Package = 1 Million Yen.

>>15750346
I want to take a walk in the park with Yukari while she tells me about how good things were back then, how much for that?

>>15750381
I forgot to say we'd be holding hands the whole time.

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>>15750381

Yukari reminisces about her human farms during the edo period!

Humans raised to live a life of terror and pain and eventually be eaten!

By Yukari!

Price: 3 occult orbs or free but she eats you after

>>15750346
Too expensive. Why pay for her when I can go and use one of the free fairy onaholes as I wish.

>>15750411
Sounds a bit extreme for just a walk in the park, it's not like she's the only cute hag in the block.

>>15750411
What a fatty! Does she know how many calories are in people?

>>15750637
Too many!

Can you help her burn them?

>>15750657
I don't think so. She's a murderous freak, after all!

>>15748986
Todays it's not knickers.

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>>15749883
>A deep cave system filled with demons and treasure
ive got this

>>15750346
1 hairjob please.

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>>15750346
>tfw I am able to get handjob at most

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>>15750346
Reimu is expensive!

>>15750812
Which 2hu is most like a vending marine?

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>>15750812
I hope you've got enough beads for that trip.

>>15750346
>Paizuri costs more than Vaginal and Anal combined
Why is that?

>>15748791

"You must be exterminated, outsider."?

>>15754182
It's extra humiliating because of her small chest.

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>>15750346
Surely her prices are negotiable! Right?
I mean.. that price for paizuri is insane.

>>15751316
I would sell my soul for a disinterested-Reimu handjob.

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>>15754616

>>15754616
This man gets it. Disinterested non-penetrative sex is the only way to be lewd with Reimu

>>15754616
>"Haan~ ...can you hurry up already?"

>>15750346
How much for impregnation and motherhood?

>>15749899
Will there be cute cripples?

>>15750812
What alignments would the 2hus be?

>>15755130
Reimu- Law
Fortune teller - edgy chaosfag
of course law always prevails

>>15750346
You can tell whoever wrote this has no experience with the actual sex industry.

>>15750346
Where's the marriage option

>>15756183

Yukari will only allow a legendary youkai hunter to marry and breed with the Hakurei maiden

>>15756195
What if I want to breed with the Yukari?

>>15756241
You're like a thousand years too late.

>>15755970
Enlighten us on realistic pricing, which is not time-based.

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>>15756241

>>15748986
As for today, there are no drawers, y'know
That's what I got
What does she need drawn? I'm no artist but I can draw a little

>>15750346
>no Blowjob
you had one job

>>15765185
>you had one job
And you can say she really blew it.

>>15750346
I can buy 125 superior buttjobs for the price of 1 inferior paizuri. I love this dumb Miko!

Sex with Reimu!

>>15765207
What is Carlos doing on /jp/?

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>>15765207

>>15748791
"You're a faggot"

>>15748791
"It's free real estate."

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>>15754501
I think you must be talking about someone else, because "small chest" most certainly didn't describe any Reimu I know.

>>15756195
A legendary youkai hunter could just impress or subjugate one of the countless youkai beauties in Gensokyo. Reimu just can't compete with a girl who will never get old or die in childbirth.

>>15767445
Spend your whole life hating and fighting youkai

Someone like that would be more likely to want to contribute their seed towards the next youkai extermination machine than towards more youkai.

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>>15750381
Not even the most affluent could afford true compassion.

>>15770371

Uh oh.

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>>15750346
I can afford a facial every single day, so I'll go with that! I hope she is up for it.
(Had to delete my previous post because there was a nipple I didn't see in the thumbnail.)

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>>15766122
Those breasts are just begging to be impregnated.

>>15750346
Why is anal so cheap? It would make sense if there was a pregnancy danger since Gensokyo doesn't have condoms, but then there's the extra fee for raw.

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>>15748791
I want the college normies to leave /jp/ with their "japanese" threads

>>15748791
"You're a Dork."

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>>15784400
Vaginal with Reimu is the only way to cleanse your soul of impurities.

>>15791021
It sounds like Reimu is after my vital essences. I must deny her!