Would you a spider?

i totally want yamame to tie me up and then use me as a receptacle for her eggs

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Give me one reason not to and you will be right, because consorting with a monster and a Plaguemother is equal to courting death.

>>15344421
Would I what?
Smush?
Sweep up and flush?
Spray?
Or lovingly impregnate?

>>15344452
What if all I want to do is pet her head?

>>15344421
No no no no I like living thank you very much. But I say she's cute? Yes.

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>>15344482
Hope she doesn't get scared and split into many tiny Yamamamamames.

>>15344490
That's cute

>>15344421
I want to fug this bug.

Dude, she's got Super AIDS.

Yeah, definitely. I want to make her feel loved

>>15344605
She doesn't HAVE Super AIDS, she can GIVE you Super AIDS. Get the lore right.

>>15344671
The only 2hu who can give you anything that can do bad things to your dick is Okuu, with her nuclear vagina.

That might explain why her arm is wood.

>>15344671
I thought she could only get you ill if you're already sick?

>>15345294
Nope, she can spread any disease.

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Breathe deep, fools.

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>>15344421

Only if she keeps looking like that. Actual spiders are fucking scary.

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What would you do in this situation?

>>15349673
Look at boobs.

>>15349673
Translate it weebs.

>>15350200
I transcribed it into Hiragana and Kanji. Here ya go.

私にできることでしたらなんでもします

是非恩返しさせて下さい！

いや。。。　落ち着いてセマメちやん
ち。。近いですよ！

But since you called me a weeb and hurt my feelings, I banish you to the fate of copy-pasta'ing into Google Translate. Have fun with its shitty machine translation.

If you apologize I might just translate it into English for you.

>>15350413
Well aren't you a smug little weeb.

>>15350413
Not that anon but I'm sorry

>>15350444
>>15350449
These two posts cancel each other out.

Because of this, the only form of apology I will accept is you two fucking.

>>15350461
the deal is off

>>15350461
Remove thyself, degenerate.

>>15350413
Minor revision cuz I messed up Semame's name.

私にできることでしたらなんでもします

是非恩返しさせて下さい！

いや。。。　落ち着いてヤマメちゃん
ち。。近いですよ！

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Yes, please!

>>15344421
Would our babies be Nerubians?

>>15349514
where's that from?

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>>15361260

>>15367483
Why would she go full-Spiderman in her normal dress? Spiderman's spandex (or whatever material and form-factor it is) is made for swinging and shit. Yamame doing Spidey-shit in her normal clothes is like having a Chinese umbrella in a heavy storm.

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>>15367523
> Chinese umbrella in a heavy storm.

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I'm gonna marry Yamame! I'll overcome any diseases with love! More like, love is the strongest disease!

yamame yamame yamame yamame yamame yamame yamame yamame yamame yamame yamame yamame yamame yamame

>>15349673
>>15350200
>"I do have pusspuss!"
>"Spiders do have pusspuss!"
>"no"

>>15367523
A parasol is a type of Chinese umbrella, but a Chinese umbrella is not a parasol.

I think people would just use cloaks in those situations.

>>15369145
Wake up with the queen of illness and disease. Have you got a sore throat?

>>15344421
http://exhentai.org/g/300596/67ea4d6246/
hell yeah I would

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>>15389449
I don't harbour any special fondness of Yamame, but that there blonde Plaguemother is a damn fine specimen.

>>15390255
I want to make her the mother of my children if you know what I mean

>>15369774
So you're going to overcome your love?

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>>15390546
This love is incurable!

>>15344421

I love spiders, but that's because they are small. A human sized spider is literally the most terrifying thing imaginable. They have the most brutal and painful method of eating on Earth.

>>15391271
i am never going to forget that one doujin with shinmyoumaru and the spider

>>15391271
>I love spiders, but that's because they are small.

I saw a cutesy spider crawling around on our living room furniture the other day. It was adorable, and I just decided to leave it alone and watch it scamper about.

I normally take spiders outside into the garden when I see them, but I think I'm gonna leave 'em alone from now on.

>>15391628

I always leave spiders alone. They brutally murder the annoying shits like flies so they are okay.

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>>15391698
Spiders are real human beans honestly, pun not necessarily intended. They eat stuff like ants and bugs, they keep my house safe from them. It's rare for me to capture live bugs and whatnot, but when I do I like to give them to the spiders.
Keep the hood safe, Yamame.

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>>15391271
Spiders are scary because they're small!

>>15392687
Heh, that just reminded me of when I took a vacation to a much warmer part of the country I live in.

Spiders! Lots of spiders. Big ones, small ones, some as big as Yukkuri. Fucking loved it.

I'd throw random bugs into their hoards of webs, and even once managed to trap a giant-ass housefly in a bottle and then release it so it flew directly into their webs.

I miss my spider friends.

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>>15392954
Spiders are fun friends. I do my best to make them feel home. The poisonous types are bad news, though. They don't really visit my house much, if at all, though.
Watching a spider consume a bug is an interesting experience. The word 'consume' was a deliberate choice of wording, as the process is rather lengthy. It's pretty interesting. Almost makes you feel bad for the prey.

>>15393422
Out of all the insects in the world, only one deserves my unconditional hate: horseflies (and deer flies).

Even mosquitoes are subtle about it, while horseflies will make you constantly aware of their presence while circling about, and their bite gives me hives.

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>>15393467
It's as if God just went and said 'ok we have lots of flies but we need a few to specifically piss off humans' and created horseflies and deer flies. There should be a special kind of hell for those fucking cunts.
That buzzing sound they make is the sound of pain and misery. I had once managed to catch one of them off-guard and gave it a pretty solid smash. The fucker wasn't dead, but it was too confused to fly. What I did was get a thin needle quickly, and detach its wings first and foremost. Then I got to stabbing it one by one, neither too fast to kill it, neither too slow to let it die by bleeding. I had lots of fun with that bastard.

>>15391275
If that doujin is as horrific as it sounds then I'm interested in it.

>>15393553

Here's something you should try:

1. Trap a few of them in a jar.
2. Put the jar in the freezer for a little bit, until they get knocked-out.
3. Take a popsicle stick and razor-blade it so it's half as thin.
4. Hot-glue the unconscious flies onto the popsicle stick.

Then later you can release them somewhere fun, like a shopping mall, or take pleasure in the fact they'll eventually starve with that setup.

>>15393590
Hot-glue as in?

>>15393553
>deer flies
I too have fun destroying those unholy abominations. I can deal with getting a rash and a minor amount of blood loss, but breaking up the skin and infecting me with some horrible disease is completely uncalled for.

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>>15393603
As in pic related.

Or just regular, old super glue.

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>>15393590
Holy hell, that sounds great. Many thanks, I'm definitely trying that out.

>>15393604
I like to burn those fuckers when they die as well. Smells like victory, know what I'm sayin?

/jp/ - insect bullying

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No horseflies or deer flies where I live, but the mosquitoes are the stuff of nightmares. They estimate that spiders eat 6.79 billion pounds of insects a year in my state but apparently it's nowhere near enough.

>>15393467
>>15393553
>>15393604
What about the botflies that lay their eggs in your skin?

Fuck spiders.

>>15393730
Would Yamame laying in a bed in lingerie and with a "YES" pillow, whilst waiting for you, qualify as a "fuck spider"?

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>>15393730
L-literally?

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>>15393729
Yeesh, those fuckers give me nightmares. The thought of insects doing nasty things with your body is a pretty terrifying thought to say the least. I'm just thankful that those fuckers don't seem to pop up where I live much.
But then I remember that ticks are common here.

>>15393729
The disease-carrying ones are definitely stuff of nightmares, yeah. Gives you a lot of reasons to take some drastic measures against mosquitoes.
Where I live most of the ones aren't disease-carrying, and are honestly kinda dumb. They don't even try to hide. All the better for me.

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>>15393669
>spiders eat 6.79 billion pounds of insects a year in my state
My fellow Alaskan.

I get enough wind off the mountains and ocean where I'm at to keep mosquitoes from being too aggressive, but in the Interior those bitches are thick and hungry.

I choose the spiders over any insect.

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>>15393854
Spiders are based.

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>>15393553
>It's as if God just went and said 'ok we have lots of flies but we need a few to specifically piss off humans' and created horseflies and deer flies.

Look at it this way, they are called horseflies and deerflies for a reason.

Humans can swat them away, and they are only unavoidable if they land right in the middle of your back. For horses and deer...

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Woke up with a spider just chilling on the wall adjacent to my bed. Was moderately freaked out, until I noticed there was also a bee in the room, staying well away, banging its head against the window.

Thank you for keeping the bee away, spider bro.

Torturing bugs is mean. Just kill them if you're going to kill them.

>>15396477
That's usually what I do, but sometimes you need to set an example to deter others.

>>15393737

She would probably eat you afterwards.

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>>15396539
I'd eat her, if ya know what I mean.

And I mean actually eating her, since I heard Arachnids are high in protein, and that's been something lacking in my diet lately.

Sorry Yamame, but spiders are just too crunchy.

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>>15396539
It would be motivation to prove to Yamame that you'd make a better lover/cook/husband/father than a meal.

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>>15396574
That's one way of getting yourself super AIDS.

>>15396399
I was once doing my usual thing, browsing 4chan on my computer. Not that I do much else but that's a different topic. Anyway, I noticed out of nowhere there was a spider on my right arm. One of the really small and cutesy ones, not really poisonous or the bitey kind, it wasn't even tickling me. But I kinda panicked (the whole 'outta nowhere' part y'know) and just swinged my arm, throwing the spider away to somewhere.
I couldn't find the little guy around but I really hope I didn't hurt my spider friend badly. I don't think it can read, but really sorry for that one, spider friend.

>>15396477
Seeing as my preferred killing method for bugs and flies is electrocution or bug spray, I don't think I'm being too kind on those guys anyway.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yi0_jBHObqs&t=7m43s

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I think artists depict her with bigger breasts than they should.

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>>15397173
She's not the only touhou to get that treatment, but yeah.

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>>15397173
>>15397312
That is because fluffy Yamame is seriously adorable.

I am fine with Yamame of all sizes however.

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>You free today?
>Where should we go, the two of us?
Well, /jp/?

Spiders are are absolutely not cool. They are horrifying monsters. I don't want them anywhere near me.

Camel spiders are something torn from John Carpenter's nightmares.

>8" long
>mandible the size of your thumb
>hissing and shrieking
>attack humans out of predation

Their venom is anesthetic. They bite while you sleep, you don't feel your flesh dissolve. But you will feel the hole left behind in the morning. And it will probably get infected as well.

The truth is that most of the so-called "harmless" spiders have venom that will leave behind a painful infected abscess. People are right to avoid them.

I'd fuck a blonde qt though.

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>>15397616
Camel spiders aren't spiders, you bigot.

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>>15397639
I just Googled camel spiders, and multiple sources say they are arachnids.

They also seem cool as fuck.

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>>15397453
The local fair!

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>>15397616
You're blowing it out of proportion, frankly. For you to be get bitten by a non-venomous spider you need to be either really and I mean REALLY asking for it, or plain simply unlucky. I mentioned the latter because well, they do happen occasionally. And even then most bites aren't really anything more than your average mosquito bite.
All they really do is put on some webs on a place that you'll rarely, if ever, see, and go fishin' for some bugs and flies. They keep your house safe. Keep them safe, and they'll keep you safe.

But of course for good to exist there must also be evil. And because of it you have black widows and recluse spiders. Apply liberal amounts of physical trauma and fire against them, that would be my advice against any encounters with them.

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Big the 'Mame

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Touch the 'Mame

>>15397659
Scorpions and ticks are arachnids, too. Still not spiders.

>>15397616
"Camel Spiders" don't have venom and they don't attack large animals. They eat other arthropods, reptiles, small birds, and rodents. The worst one would do to a human is give a painful nip and spook them as it chases their shadow to stay cool.

They do make an awful chattering noise with their mandibles, though.

I just stomped around 7 of those mothers flat around the house.

You best believe that lubricant will not be involved.

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Do NOT bug 'Mame!

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>>15399021
>As it chases their shadow to stay cool

Aw man, that completely changes a scary idea in the cutest possible way.

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>>15400270
Camel spiders are just misunderstood, honestly. They're kinda cute as long as you're alright with their size, which admittedly does make them look rather intimidating at first.

>>15349514
Sauce on this one?

>>15397917
>All they really do is put on some webs on a place that you'll rarely, if ever, see
If by that you mean "lay those goddamn bridge threads all over the place fucking hell I got another one in my face" and then they build on the ones I don't stumble into.
Fucking bridge threads.

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>>15406238
Bridge threads are annoying as hell, admittedly.

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>Her power makes everyone she meets hate her. However, she herself wouldn't inflict disease on someone without reason. She's a bright, fun-loving youkai if you get to know her, so she's popular among the youkai that live underground.

Why haven't you gone down to the Underworld to befriend Yamame yet, /jp/?

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>>15406374
Due to the Outsider Act recently passed by President Yukari, illegal aliens are not to be given any protection or shelter by the government.
I'd love to meet her, though. But even then it probably wouldn't hurt to keep an NBC suit around, in case of work accidents and whatnot.

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>>15406479
Just come down here. She's not gonna bite!

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>>15406576
She'd probably be more afraid of me than I am of her to be honest. Or more creeped out, I should say.

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>>15406576
Well, if you insist!
I should give her a gift, though. What kind of gift would she like?

>>15407208
A nuptial gift, of course.

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>>15407074
Why would Yamame be scared of a shitty human?
>>15407208
Your life perhaps?

>>15407305
Spend a weekend at Knob Creek, and you'll have your answer.

>>15407305
I have a dick and no face. She'd be right to fear me.

>>15407305
Every anime girl knows that faceless men with dicks are they're natural predator, no matter how powerful or scary she is in canon

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Why are Yamame threads so much better than Sekibanki threads? They're about equally unknown.

>>15412049
Because Sekibanki threads always get derailed by a faggot asking for fanmade shitty stories

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>>15412088
He got one now. Hopefully that means we can have normal Sekibanki threads again.

But this is a Yamame thread, which brings me to the question: spider legs or no spider legs?

>>15412217
Both

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>>15412234
Retractable spider legs then? Shapeshifting? Explain yourself, man.

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What sort of lewd things would you do using her spider web?

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>>15412283
What sort of NON-lewd things would you do?

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>>15412293
I can only think of lewd things!

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>>15412293
I want to have a nice philosophical discussion with Yamame!

>>15412661
I don't know what's more fucked up in this picture: her arms, the size of her head or this face

>>15412283
She has pretty nice nails there. I wish more touhous and girls in general were drawn like that.

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>>15412673
It's the latter here. It fucks up the picture pretty badly. Look on the bright side, though: Take it as another lesson of how not to draw stuff.

>>15412293
Take her to a fancy restaurant and give everyone Dysentery.

>>15412661
Suffers from Truncated Skull Syndrome.

>>15344421
As long as it's Yamame

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Hang in there, Yamame!

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What a cute spider!

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I let two different creepy scary spiders that surprised me in my bathroom live these past two days. One was even just a couple of inches from my face when I saw it. I feel like I deserve something, Yamame!

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Since a Sekistory has now been written, perhaps someone should write a Spiderstory?

>>15440925
This meme was never funny and you're a horrible person for trying to force it. At the very least go with the other Touhou character the guy promised to make a story about before he went full furry.

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Parsee have 0 threads!

>>15440938
Who would that be?

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>>15440911
I bet they just wanted a kiss!

>>15412217
eight legs, seven vagánias.

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>>15449050
...!!!!

Oh shit, I've just realized that I had a dream today that had Yamame in it

Sure why not?

I'm scared of spiders ;-;

>>15453831
pussy

>>15453981
No, spiders, not pussy.

>>15453988
ur a pussy

>>15453992
You wanna lick on me then?

>>15454173
Nah dude, I'm not gay to lick some pussies

>>15454216
You seem the type.

A woodlouse spider died next to my bed.
Out of respect for the spider, and because I hate roly polies, I have not moved its corpse from the spot.

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bemp

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cumspider
spins semen

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spidery spider

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>>15473884
!

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As long as she wears that cute bra the whole time.

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I like sweater spiders.

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>>15474902
Turtlenecks are cool.

>>15474534
Woah...

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>>15475527

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I'm gonna marry the spider and nobody can stop me.

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As an Aussie, yes.

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>>15475749
Please stop that.

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Spreading diseases with Yamame!

>>15483448
But I'm into bondage....

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>>15483448
Is something wrong, anon?

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>>15483532
>>15483980
I like bondage too, but people that get tied up by Yamame usually end up dying horribly or going crazy. Neither is good!

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>>15484949
>people that get tied up by Yamame usually end up dying horribly or going crazy. Neither is good!
Speak for yourself dudester!
Slowly and methodically getting devoured by Yamame!

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>>15485942
Well if you're okay your insides getting liquefied, then that's fine, but these birds here definitely aren't. So it's bad.
Don't eat birds, Yamame. Or at least not bird people.

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>tfw crippling arachnophobia but attracted to Yamame
Those gosh darn monster girls.

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>>15486089
I think I'm slowly getting over mine thanks to Yamame! Though I don't think the trauma from having a spider in my face will ever completely disappear.

What kind of spider is Yamame?

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>>15487223
An earth spider!

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>>15487223
You could hazard guess her species, but I'm pretty willing to bet that the pattern on her clothes comes from pic related.

>>15488293
OK, no blood test necessary.

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>>15488310
Even back in her days, she still was the cutest spider. She's the cutest spider ever!
It should be noted though, that generally speaking, the argiope genus' venom isn't that big of a deal for humans. But that doesn't mean you should bully this spider! Because spiders are cute!

A spider in my house managed to catch a firefly. It is still blinking while being wrapped.

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>>15491422

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>>15491422
Wriggle's up to no good again, sheesh!

Which hole do you go for first?
http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=31143274

>>15500380
The one that makes babies

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>>15500380
Who says I can't go for both?

>>15500380
Her mouth, with mine

>>15500380
I hope God gives you cancer of the cock.

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>>15500380
The upper one so we can be face to face for our lovemaking!

>>15344482
Contact dermatitis