Imperator edition
did my wank
going to the pub now
*walks toward you*
new comedy night game on steam lads, it's a right laugh
hahahhahahahahaha please continue oxford gimmick in this thread also its so fun hohohoo
I reckon Tim Wonnacott would have been a good host for Crystal Maze
>>79326583
reddit: the game
The pay for Dean of Oxford was too low for me, rejected it and created a hereditary royal title for myself instead.
Recycle this when this thread is done:
>>79326575
Reminder that if you didn't go to Oxford you cannot post in this thread.
new comedy night game on steam lads, really good value for money tbqh
>>79326597
virgin: the post
>when empornium knows me better than any of my friends
>>79326579
*shoots*
Didn't do uni, didn't do A levels, got 5 GCSEs
22 years old, on 30k, shagged somewhere around 25 girls
Next poster didn't even go to Oxford.
A girl talked to me of her own volition
Am I a Chad now?
pulled myself up by the bootstraps and gave my interviewer a firm handshake and became a partner at Clifford Chance
didn't even need to attend Oxford
Oxford Oxferson's the name
built like an Ox I am
Oxford said I was wasting my time there, they couldn't teach me anything I didn't know and that I needed to start helping the world at large with my considerable talent instead.
Might wank lads
Interesting
>>>/sp/78171877
>>>/sp/78171877
>>>/sp/78171877
ACCIDENTALLY SENT MY OXBRIDGE APPLICATION TO OXFORD AND THEY OFFERED ME A SCHOLARSHIP
Wrote a piece for my student paper on how multiculturalism and mass immigration is vital to the growth of the economy
got accepted to oxford the same afternoon
6'5 and 130 IQ
AMA
Oxford called, said they were willing to expell all their current students so they could dedicate all their time to me.
reckon if Nazi Germany was never defeated in WW2 it would have just run into the same problems as the USSR, a bloated state run by a faceless bureaucracy.
they never would have been able to capture the hearts and minds of the people after Hitler, whoever his successor would have been would never have been able to hold a candle to him. Fascism (and fascist communism) essentially needs a cult of personality to keep the populace motivated
>>79326671
Posted a box with a niggers head in to Oxford and got arrested within hours.
just rejected oxbridge collage six time this week
realised the old man is a brainwashed left winger and isn't really as clever as I thought when I was younger. The illusion is broken.
anime
went from oxford to cambridge to southampton solent
qualifications are like broaches and badges to me
6'3, 165 IQ and a Korean pop music idol
ama
>girl talks to me of her own volition
>give awkward one word responses
>go home and wank
ahh yes, the 'tism
Oxford rejected me because they were worried all the women on campus would be too distracted by my immense beauty and intellect, as a 7ft 10/10 12 inch cock man I had to agree.
I've read every book there is at the libraries in Oxford and even wrote hundreds of my own, literally dropped out because there was nothing more to read
how do i learn to cope with being alone?
printed out this thread and stuck it to a railing outside Oxford University
acceptance letter should come any day now
What is oxford
>>79326716
Oh, so you're average
good for you I guess
Oxford said that there was nothing they could teach me that Inalready know and said that I should spend my time enjoying life instead as my time on this beautiful Earth is both precious and fleeting
>>79326782
figment of the imagination
>Oxford just phoned. begged me to go. crying, said he'd be my dirty little slut and do anything i want
need to find a bf sharpish or I might just off myself haha
>>79326807
that was the worst one
just got accepted to oxford health
Trying to remember some Aussie comedy song that was quite catchy. All i remember is its associated with the word Nugget, it mentions the civil service at one point and the singer dresses up as a cowboy at one point. Anyone know it?
>>79326757
DID YOU ATTEND OXFORD?
I'm so clever that Oxford decided to start me on year 4 of my course so I only had to do a year
>>79326813
OXFORD
X
F
O
R
D
anyone else remember this?
Oxford Brookes accepted me with my 3 btecs
>>79326813
*walks into your room*
alri
>>79326765
wile away the hours in the halls of oxford
>>79326722
Don't care
>>79326756
are you ever going to get a job or are you just going to spend your life going to various universities
>>79326765
you don't, you end up killing yourself.
>>79326777
took this pic and tweeted it to oxford and got accepted
Scared to message anyone on dating sites
new comedy night game on steam lads, it's the best purchase you'll make
>>79326777
ghastly
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCZ0QdDCHYs
why is he like that
>>79326846
I remember writing, directing and starting in all roles while I did my 4 masters degrees at Oxford.
Told oxford that I would only go if they let my muslim boyfriend go as well.
They were fine with it.
>>79326765
starts with n and sounds like moose
Went to Edinborough uni instead
I TURNED MYSELF INTO A PICKLE
>>79326840
got offered a place but with all the Chinese students there I decided not to, I didn't want to be hounded due to my Korean pop culture prowess
>>79326877
have you played it
i'm applying for jobs and i just applied for one in McDonald's, but i have emo scars on my arms. I know McDonald's employees wear a short sleeved uniform, so would i be allowed to wear long sleeves under the uniform to cover the scars?
>>79326902
Nigger on the loose?
housemate just asked me to go sit outside and watch the game with him
really dont want to. but he lets me live in a flat he owns for very cheap and i dont pay for any utilities
how do i say no?
Found out that my DNA is 7% neanderthal, apparently that's unheard of. Does this mean I'm a minority now/endangered species?
*playing amazing grace*
>>79326846
do you remember this?
Came to my Oxford interview in track suit bottoms and a reebok jacket and burberry cap, got rejected for some reason
went to Liverpool John Moores and now have a job in the UN.
Why do Americans pretend they aren't just overseas British people?
>>79326940
nigger on the noose
>>79326557
that's a big bust
>>79326902
news?
>>79326949
it means youve got a place at oxford!
*claps you on the shoulder*
well done lad!
>>79326944
Tell him you fancy him.
>>79326973
>>79326938
>failing to kill yourself
Pitiful desu
Oxford health called just want them gone want a green card keep getting hacks
>>79326607
>>79326618
>>79326654
>>79326656
>>79326664
>>79326672
>>79326704
>>79326708
>>79326720
>>79326743
>>79326756
>>79326760
>>79326764
>>79326766
>>79326782
>>79326790
>>79326807
>>79326831
>>79326840
>>79326843
>>79326845
>>79326847
>>79326898
>>79326961
*Notices your posts*
*strokes chin*
*Flips open my notepad and begins jotting, resting my pen on my chin in thought halfway through*
hmmm... yes yes
>>79326861
always finish my courses a couple of years early so I'm planning on going to 60-70 different ones before I die
literally gonna have more qualifications than the rest of you combined
>>79326961
that kind of outfit pretty much guarantees you a place there you daft bastard
T-17 minutes until we enter the post-wageday timezone !
Oxford university called just want them gone want a PhD keep getting hacks
sue
do you like oxford
>>79327035
remember making these for a girl in my highschool
My life is like having 5 stars in GTA but instead of cops, the army and FBI, it's admissions secretaries from Oxford, and instead of bullets it's acceptance letters. Fuck off guys.
NEED a jada stevens GF
NFL today lads
who you got
>>79327018
sounds like what happened at my Oxford interview
>>79327036
It's good, but I just wish there was a better Uni which could keep up with my insatiable intellect and thirst for knowledge
Oxford just phoned up and asked me to be their head Rocket Science professor
told them I'd rather stay home and play football manager
>>79327035
after all these years I still don't understand these pictures, is it to make it easier to imagine them naked?
>>79327055
'ce
>>79327035
stormed into another persons oxford acceptance interview, got accepted on the spot
>>79327055
post
>>79327103
no it's to make them seem more curvaceous
>he didn't go to ETH
sure is pleb in here
brought a bomb to my oxford interview and they called it extracurricular brilliance
>>79327055
>>79327103
>>79327109
he also made a full nude shop of sue
>>79327109
>>79327103
no it's because circles are sexy
mong
>>79327109
very impressive turnaround time
>>79327109
creasing
Boom boom boom boom i want you in my room
>>79327126
Should change the baby to a crate of Tennents Super.
>>79327159
ah, my bad. apologies for not being able to understand why you'd place circles over some random bint's photo and wank over it
>>79327109
literally cackling at this
apparently there was a blackout in florida, but thankfully someone lynched the bastard
Went into my oxford interview in a k-hole. The interviewer was amazed at my groans and now I am on my way to getting a 1st in that jurisprudence course
YOU JUST MADE SUE A LAUGHINGSTOCK OF /brit/
the gf last night
>>79327109
screaming
went to bolton institute and now work for Pornhub
>>79327169
https://a.uguu.se/RzqacMNbYZex_bedtime.m4a
/mu/ is a shithole but I go there anyway
got into Oxford easily, just had to perform a fire spell at the main gate
>>79327251
are you actually screaming?
Oxford called me for the fifth time today and I told them that I wasn't in.
>>79327273
wait what
shouldn't that be the other way round?
Lads help me out unironically. I can get into Durham, Manchester and Kings for next year. Master in law. Which one desu?
I went to Blackpool Polytechnic and I haven't left prison since.
>>79327266
yeah same honestly
/brit/ is a shithole but I go there anyway
>>79327227
youd never even heard of banmon rubbishy little jap
oxbridge collage is a shithole but I go there anyway
>>79327288
Durham or Kings, I'd say Durham. A lot of queen's counsel barristers get made there.
browsing the ol' 'ddit
How do I assert my dominance as pack leader and alpha male amongst a group of males
oxford uni is a shithole but I go there anyway
OXFORD IS SENDING ME DEATH THREATS FOR REFUSING TO ATTEND THEIR UNI AND I HAVE JUST KILLED ONE OF THEIR ASSASSINS
>>79327295
what do you listen to lad
>>79327269
>>79327205
but you did understand. you got it in one
walked up to the ceo of oxford university and gave him a firm handshake, my unconditional came through the post the next day
Made a new YGYL webm!
http://i.4cdn.org/wsg/1505058563195.webm
http://i.4cdn.org/wsg/1505058563195.webm
http://i.4cdn.org/wsg/1505058563195.webm
(The proper choonage begins at 00:30)
Please tell me what you think!!!
>>79327309
Openly weep.
like cats but they dribble too much when theyre happy
Oxford sent me a letter begging me to go but I turned them down because I had already been accepted to an unremarkable American university
in the market for a winter jacket
>>79327288
Durham
like fannies but they dribble too much when they're happy
What do you think she is looking at?
just accepted a position as head diversity officer at oxford
>>79327265
thanks
>>79327331
experimental hip hop
trip-hop
ambient
jazz, free jazz being my favourite variety
and to british rock occasionaly
>>79327288
Durham
>>79327365
Like my willy.
>>79327335
Don't post my gf
i love movies, music, reading, art and cooking. i'm a massive movie fan and studied film and media at university :)
>>79327288
knew a lot of very fit girls doing law at manchester
having said that it's not a very good course i think
durham is for kids who couldn't get into oxbridge and couldn't get over it
kings will have a stupid cost of living
hard one that, lad
>>79327335
>haven't been on /brit/ in almost a year
>pictures of this absolute rotter are still posted
baka
ah yes
like downs syndrome kids but they dribble too much when they're happy
>>79327288
Durham and we can meet and be friends with each other
>>79327400
i said i have nude fake of sue
oxford acceptance letter got lost in the post so I had to take up MIT on their offer
>>79327288
durham is an extremely boring place
>experimental hip hop
>trip-hop
>ambient
>jazz, free jazz being my favourite variety
and to british rock occasionaly
>>79327335
lovely eyes tbf
like black people but they dribble too much when they're happy
had to perform a bunch of mundane tasks at polytechnics around the country before they declared me an apprentice and let me into Oxford
OXFORD UNI HAS KIDNAPPED MY FAMILY AND ARE HOLDING THEM HOSTAGE UNLESS I ACCEPT THEIR UNCONDITIONAL OFFER TO ATTEND
lol pewdiepie is BASED KeK MAGA /OURGUY/
https://oddshot.tv/s/g_05U6
>>79327288
durham for the career
manchester if you dgaf about academics and just want to have fun
>>79327406
nice
if the word 'swans' appeared in your post I would have obliterated you
>>79327422
What a lad
Applied to be a cleaner at Oxford, next thing I know I'm doing a PhD in Mathematics and teaching at the same time.
like Oxford but it dribbles too much when it's happy
>>79327422
He was dressed up as a character from the pure Kino show 'Allo, Allo'. Literally did nothing wrong
enjoy going to the park to look at the swans
load of gypos have moved on to the uni of nottingham main campus right before everyone goes back LOL
arrogant students btfo
>durham for the career
>>79327355
you are terrible at matching music with visuals. is it autism?
My cat killed oxford accidentally
some paki dentist just asked me to drive a DPD van and park it at some guy's flat in high wycombe
>>79327432
im proud of you
>>79327468
oxford offered me a stipend to do my undergrad there but i turned them down
>>79327413
dad works in the industry, absolutely hates melts who come onto set expecting to be treated like royalty because they have a degree in something media related. most quit when they realise they'll have to start as a runt runner like everyone else.
>>79327438
post what you listen to then
>>79327478
yeah swans are a meme
>jazz, free jazz being my favourite variety
>>79327468
oops
>>79327540
i didnt make it ky did
jazz literally sounds like you have a vuvuzela blowing into your ear drums
tfw you go to a club you can't remember going to with a friend you can't remember meeting... fucking 5 hour blackout
Jazz?
oh, you mean progrock?
oxford saw my luxembourg world conquest in hearts of iron 3 and one week later I was studying for my masters
>>79327493
I had a similar problem but when I explained I was actually dressed as the main character from the documentary Hitler In Color, they let me off.
>>79327576
haha yeah #justLADthings
got stuck in rush hour traffic going through oxford, got an unconditional to study physics in the post the next day
(something about going to uni in Oxford)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLIv2zjRGDg
Failed my driving test by driving my vehicle at 150 mph down a village road. Next thing I know Oxford rang and currently in my second year studying Classics at Oxford
I prefer freeform scat
>5 days on, 2 days off in a call centre
>for the next 50 years
>renting an apartment because will never be able to afford a home (on land which I wouldn't own even if I owned the house)
>no mates, no gf, no hobbies, no purpose
ah yes, quite the existence
why do i never seem anime irl?
>>79327630
Typical lazy Irish cunt.
so last nights party was alright although it was a litlte bit weird. So as you guys know i had to buy 50 quid of alcohol to enter and this was at 8 and then more people kept coming but at 10.30 the host told me that he is gona shut up shop (which I thought is a bit early) so I left anyway. What was weird was that no one else seemed to be leaving and i even waited a few minutes after i left to see if anyone else left, in fact i saw more people join how strange oh well i went home after that
>>79327656
try going to oxford lad
>>79327109
>>79327109
>>79327109
In the midst of a completely shit gimmick (oxford acceptance) comes an incredible post
oxford told me I could go but only if I promised not to do any work because I would just show up every other student there and make them look like low IQ retards
>>79327643
I know someone who does classics at oxford
>>79327656
should have worked harder in school then
>>79327564
ky is a brand of sexual lubricant
do you like having autism?
i rmb going to a teacher when i was 15 and saying do you think i can go to oxbridge and she laughed at me and said not even close lol
watched herbie hancock play in detroit
took a few minutes for me to remember that jazz is terrible
>>79327684
You might know me then
>>79327656
>don't own the land the house is built on
What
>>79327733
haha
>>79327656
*hands you an oxford acceptance letter*
adopt an orphan
thats a good thing you can do with your life
>>79327728
It got me into Oxford, so yes
funny thinking about how that lad that made the chinky eyed buble post will feel good all day because he got some (You)'s from a bunch of lonely autistic virgins
He will literally sleep well thinkinghe had a good day because of that post.
>>79327684
classic
geddit haha
cambridge man myself
>>79327705
i think you might actually be too newcunt to know who ky is
the somerset poster
the shop is of this pic. imagine that pic but it is a naked pic
stubbed my toe in oxford WHSmith, they made me store manager that night
you need a first from oxford to be a call centre manager
>>79327742
well the guy I know who does classics at oxford has a wiry frame and curly hair
i'm a bit of a mess at the minute lads
i'm obsessed with the idea i'm a dysfigured freak to the point i can't even talk to my family anymore without thinking they hate
i keep getting mini freak outs where i become hyper aware of my own existence
i keep getting confused between dreams and real memories and i keep getting flashbacks to things i'm pretty sure never happened
i can't stop thinking everyone i know browses /brit/ and laughs at my posts and also posts on /brit/ pretending to be me to frame me
not quite sure what's going on desu, i'm going mental or ascending to the 6th dimension
called a big black lad a faggot instoke newington last night and almost got beaten up lol
went to oxbridge
>>79327759
Especially a cute little brown girl that you can bathe with.
5.5% of posts ITT are replies to me
>>79327801
hahahahahahahahaaa
Was a bad boy in school, used to do horrible things, bully and belittle the teachers to the point of tears sometimes. When the bell rang I'd be immediately dismissed for being such a hard cunt. Oxford found out somehow and said they needed me to bully their professors in check, it's a good job.
>>79327765
hello roastie
>>79327684
>>79327768
>>79327789
go to a psychiatrist srs
uni of nottingham full of gypsies lol
>>79327789
tim do you need help
screeching at this disfigured freak
lads when I click a torrent's magnet link it doesn't start downloading in the client like it used to, no idea why it stopped suddenly
I have to manually copy and paste the torrent link into the 'open torrent link' section of the client
any way to fix this so I can just click the magnet link and it starts downloading?
>>79327824
we super bullied this one teacher who was bald
literally went to cambridge lads ama
Gf bouncing on my cock as I type, lads. Pretty good. She was just a 'gin before this too.
men are absolute monsters desu.
why are you the ones raping, murdering, stealing, causing wars?
>>79327116
i obviously don't still have them. that was like 5 years ago. i remember shopping her bikini off as much as i could first. was pretty good at it, think i could've gone into graphic design or art if i wasn't such an intelligent person like i am
dont care
>>79327884
Did you all get Oxford acceptance letters?
imagine actually thinking that the allies were the good guys in ww2
>firebomb german cities, killing up to 400 000 civilians just to break the german war spirit
>atom bomb two japanese cities killing ~200 000 civilians
ah yes, the allies that has regard for human life
>>79327840
A family of gypsies ransacked the garbage bins at my Nottingham student accommodation.
Really bizarre.
we used to stub out cigarettes on our biology teacher's leg, dumb bitch ahahah
got a masters in black women's literature from oxford. got offered a job as professor from 20 different big-league unis across the world
>>79327924
We sawed off the wood work teacher's leg thinking it'd be funny
>>79327918
>DUDE KILLING PEOPLE DURING WAR IS BAD
>>79327918
epic, simply epic
>>79327918
germans had it coming
don't care
You arrive at oxford halls
>>79327918
the virgin opinion
>>79327918
me mam always said "if someone hits you, hit them back 10 times harder"
this is the way of the anglo
got let out on parole last week (GBH for nonce bashing) and while i was down at the local some knob tried to start some shit, i gave him a crack and when he recovered he apologised and introduced himself as the boss of oxford uni. he said he admired my assertiveness and can-do attitude and offered me a generous stipend to do a PhD in advanced theroetical neutranomic quantum phenomena
>>79327910
1 did actually lol
>>79327920
notts is a fucking shithole
gypsies on BOTH my local parks at the minute
>>79327964
what is going on here
might apply to exeter uni
>>79327964
what is this la
currently reading reddit
>>79327978
what is that demon spawn on the left?
just remembered the time me and the boys murdered the home ec teacher in cold blood lmao hah
>>79328006
abysmal post
>>79328005
chinaman
no medical care b/c China
family have to make him a makeshift sling to restrain him as he seizures
>>79328026
It's a kettle
>>79328022
reply to my post
>>79328044
boring
was hoping it would be some torture device
chemistry teacher is dissolving in acid as we speak
might go uni of leeds
hate oxford
>>79328006
good lad
>>79327777
thjank you
new food I invented, put a thin layer of butter on a toast, then spread thai sweet and sour sauce on it
works well
>>79328032
>home ec
what's that then mate, like personal finance stuff?
might apply to oxford
dissolving in acid as we speak
>>79327852
>>79327837
i-is it that bad?
>>79328031
>modern women
made a guillotine in my metal work class and got a first
remembering the time me and the lads diffracted the physics teacher haha
>>79328085
now am i annoyed at you
dont reply to me for 5 minutes
>>79328091
>new food I invented, put a thin layer of butter on a toast, then spread thai sweet and sour sauce on it
fuck oyuo
Oxford Brookes?
Yeah I went there
>>79328094
yes
Remembering the times we used to fire Higgs Bosons at the physics teacher
might go to the university of aston (birmingham)
>reflection
>refraction
>diffraction
can you tell the difference?
>>79328094
it's like cooking and shit i think, never took it
personal finance is it's own class
>>79328102
TIM DO YOU NEED HELP
when a lad at my school killed our history teacher with an axe he said 'ur history miss' before he did it, was proper jokes
Dropped 6000 gallons of acid on Oxford. Reading acceptance letter as we speak.
>>79328102
don't want to alarm you but it could be the onset of paranoid schizophrenia
Been accepted to ferarri gucci uni myself
tempted to get a motorbike lads
convince me not to
>on the Oxford Tube
>mfw we arrive at the Oxford Brookes stop just before Oxford Uni and all the runts try to sneak off the bus without anyone seeing them
>>79328131
exceptional post
>>79328159
a post that is trying way too hard to be funny
>>79328109
mediocre
>>79328111
exceptional post
>>79328181
new
just got my acceptance letter to the university of life lads
>>79328140
he reflec
he refrac
but most importantly
he compton scat
got accepted to the university of life
ยจ
(got kicked out of my mams house)
>>79328094
housewife training essentially
burning acceptance letters as I type
talked while the teacher was talking during history once
slipped and fell over outside the camera while i was visiting the gf, some old bloke helped me up, i shook his hand to thank him and he offered me a place on his course. unconditional for a masters in theoretical maths came through this morning
will go get some sleep to toil
haha
state of me
AHAHHAHAHAHAH
AHAAHAHHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-bristol-41167296