>tfw grown out of 4chan but have nowhere else I hate how

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>tfw grown out of 4chan but have nowhere else

I hate how the pseuds are so in my head I'm going to finish reading books and that I find boring (manufacturing consent and guns germs and steel and snow crash). I don't even have the balls to live life how I want. I feel the need to go through SICP even though I'm about halfway through and it has stopped feeling as useful. If I lived according to my tastes I would immediately postpone SICP and stop reading those books or other boring books. I simply don't have the balls to live according to my intuitions.

I have no short, easily rememberd, always correct life philosophy that will tell me what to do and I hate myself for it even though I know it could never be created.

People who espouse philosophical beliefs or lifestyle beliefs are all hypocritical snake oil salesmen astrologers. Even the ones who aren't selling you something are like nails on a chalk board when you don't want to be spooked.

I over analyse my life to a stupid degree. Real example: Should I read books on my phone on the train for 20 minute journeys to read more books? Will this type of efficiency simply degrade my life in to an information consumerbot? Is it a sign that I am hard working? What if it's not worth it because I would pick worse books than I'd read at home? Is it worth reading books 3 to 6 pages at a time? What if giving the mind nothing to do is the healthy and smarter option? What if it's not and I bore myself for no reason?

Background:
>aged 26
>no friends or social life since 18
>no female attention ever
>went through university with zero social experiences
>became the loner nobody talks to within two days of my current job
>never been to pub, club, or party
>missed out on all the 16 - 22 formative social experiences that people look back on fondly (teen crushes, school prom, school dances, university fresher's week, any sort of relationships at all)
>know that women all have 5000 tinder matches and think the average male is ugly