get in here Ameribros, lets politely discuss the fine ancient

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get in here Ameribros, lets politely discuss the fine ancient art of pooping in public
>be me this morning
>go to the local grocery to stock up on pop-tarts, ho-hos, tendies, and other essential food items
>while picking out my favorite flavor of sugar coated bacon donuts from the isle, i feel the urge to take a number 2
>stop what im doing and squeeze out a little mud monkey in my pants, a few drops get on the floor
>old lady next to me sees it and joins in, we have a nice little poo party right there in the store
>at checkout the store manager sees the stain on the back of my XXXXXL grey heavy duty sweatpants and asks if the sharty party has started without him knowing
>its only just begun my freedom friend
>everyone in the store drops a load in their pants right there and engage in the time honored American tradition of fecal fighting
>after the fun winds down, store manager gives everyone free XXL bowls of ice cream as thanks for the fun family entertainment
>i leave the grocery covered in poop and packed with delicious snacks, for a moment, simply euphoric
>the Indian immigrant across the street at the gas station smiles and nods respectfully toward me
>my mfw face when i realize third worlders and yuropoors will never experience the undiluted sense of freedom that a nice shart in the mart gives