Jokes from your country

stfu leaf

>>77397586
fpbp

>>77397569
Whats black and white and red all over?

A newspaper printed with black and red ink

>>77397569
Kek

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All of the children made it out of the jungle, except Camilla because she was raped by a gorilla.

>>77397586
Die per*vi*n

>>77397569
Steppeth a man on a biscuit, sayeth the biscuit "so what?"

This the story of a fenchman, an englishman and a belgium during the war. They are all prisonners in a german prison in the same cell.
One night they try to escape. The englishman goes first but makes some noise in the corridor.
a german soldier shouts at him : "achtung ! who's there ?"
the englishman tries to hide but he's soon caught by the soldier who executes him.
The frenchman tries to go next. As he is a smart guy, when the german soldier hears him in the corridor and shouts : "ach... who is this ?"
Thr frenchman says "miaou miaou" (imitating the sound of a cat) and the soldier says :"ach! It's the cat !" And the fenchman is able to escape.
Finally the belgian guy tries to escape also.
He makes some noise in the corridor, the german shouts at him something like "who is there etc ?.." so the belgian decides to do as the smart frenchman and says : "it is the cat !"

>>77398353
kek it's so bad especially with the poor english but i laughed t b h

two belgians are going fishing
after a while hey find a good spot so the first one belgian says
'hey, this spot is pretty good, we should mark an X in the bottom of the boat for the next time"
the other belgian answers
"are you stupid ? maybe we won't even have the same boat next time"

>>77399771
>>77399771
Kek

Do you know why belgians take a glass full of water and a empty one when they go to bed ?

The one full of water is because they might get thirsty. The empty one is because they might not get thirsty.

>>77398353
Like this scene from "el chavo del ocho"

https://youtu.be/428CjpkNnQE

>>77400156
Lol

What's the best thing about twenty-seven year olds? There's 20 of them

>>77398353
did a giggle

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>>77397569
Most excellent.

>>77398353
I lost it at "and a belgium".

Do NOT understand any of these belgian jokes

>>77403527
Frogs hate Western chocolate frogs

>>77403527
it's because belgians are dumb lol

>>77397569
What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew? The pizza doesn't scratch the oven

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>>77402846

A Sudanese soldier, a Chadian soldier and an Ethiopian soldier were captured by enemy forces and sentenced to execution

All three are provided one of three options to go out: hanging, a bullet to the head or injection with the HIV virus

The stoic Chadian steps up first and demands the bullet. Boom! And he immediately dies

The passionate and peoetic Sudanese soldier demands being hung. Snap! HIs neck breaks and he immediately dies

Then the guards approach the Ethiopian and he demands to be injected with the HIV. Initially amused, they inject him and he begins laughing uncontrollably.

They inject him again, and he continues laughing hysterically. Perplexed, they glance at each other before asking him, 'Why are you laughing? Are you mad?'

He replies 'You idiots, I am wearing a fucking condom!'

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>>77404087
guards BTFO

>>77404087
thought it was gonna be that he already had aids
good joke either way

>>77404280
>>77404285
Its an adaptation of a British joke, The order is usually German/bullet, Italian/hanging and Irishman, no offense intended

If you're American before you use the toilet, and you're American after you use the toilet, what are you when you're using the toilet?

You're a-peein'.

>>77404087
God bless you, our Sudanese poster

>>77404760
Thanks Chillbro but its originally British, I am pretty shitty at telling jokes (IRL)

>>77404087
wtf I love Sudan now

>>77404087
BTFO
T
F
O

>>77404802
>>77404823
I feel I am obligated to respond kindly but any more posts would be narcissistic and self-aggrandizing

>>77403527
basically fuck b*lgium

who is a money hungry, debt loving, shark loaning , societal cohesion destroying, government infiltrating rat?
a jew!!!!
haha funny joke

>>77404946
where's the joke?

Plus de blagues de Belgium, sil vous plait

>>77404991
Why does the belgian walk in the desert carrying a car door ?
In case he gets too hot, he can open the window

>>77404962
The joke is that it's not a joke

this thread made me realize that all "dumb foreigner" jokes are all literally the same everywhere but with the country names changed

>>77404991
at the swimming pool, why do belgians always swim at the bottom of the water ?

because deep down they're not that dumb

how come italians never barbecue? their spaghetti keep falling through the grill.

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This is an old New Brunswick joke:

>Once while out deer hunting I come across the biggest bull moose I ever saw. Moose tag or not I couldn't resist so I shot it and down he went. Anyways, by the time I got him cleaned out it was getting on pretty late. It being Autumn in the Maritimes she was some cold out and I come up with a pretty good idea. I curled up inside that moose cavity, used my coat as a pillow, and put a couple stitches made from my shoelaces into the moose just to hold things together real cozy. I got a great night's sleep. Well, come morning I went to get out of the moose and my heart sunk when I found him frozen shut. Kick, punch, pull, push, heave as I may, I could not break that frost and get out. Now, I knew another hunting party or a warden would be by before long and I'd be in big trouble. I was feeling pretty low and sorry for myself. In my melancholic mood I got to thinking about all the things I done wrong in life. The more I thought about, the smaller I felt. Then I remembered when I had voted for Trudeau in the last election. That made me so small I was able to climb right out the arsehole of that moose and be on my way.

>>77405294
i wouldn't be surprised if,this was an actual joke in germany..

>>77405058
A Brazilian steps outside his home in the favela into the jungle to get some food.

He finds a macaco that looked like uma delicia so he hit it over the head with a big stick, put it in a bag and brought it home where he shouts for his mama because she always makes the best sopa.

But she doesn't come and even after looking everywhere for a long time he can't find her.
In the end he wants to make the sopa himself but when looking in the bag he realizes he had slain his own mother

What's three swedes in the bottom of a lake?

A good start.

>>77405427
SOPA DE MAMA

>>77405356
i would tell a french joke, but your entire country is already a joke.

>>77405617
t.1 million "refugees" every years since 2012

>>77397569
This is more of an ABC island joke so here it goes.

An Aruban, Bonerian, and Curacaoean get stranded on some distant island and eventually get picked up by the native people who then take the three to their village chief. The chief says he doesn't like newcomers so they have to execute them. However, village law says they can avoid getting executed if they can succesfully fit 10 fruits in their asshole without saying anything or pulling a face while doing it. The three accept the challenge and the first one to go was the guy from Curacao. He brings 10 apples and after fitting the 4th one in his asshole he screams in agony and is soon executed. The Aruban is next and, being the smart guy he is, brought grapes. He fit about 9 in his asshole and as he was going to fit the last one he started laughing uncontrollably and the natives executed him.

In heaven the Aruban and Curacaolean meet and the guy from Curacao asks the Aruban "why did you laugh?? You were so close!". The Aruban replies; " I saw the Bonerian come in with pineapples.

So I'm up at my sister's and I'm having a shower and I'm just about to get out of the shower, but I brought no towels. I hear someone walking and I say 'Who's there?' and she says 'Me, I'm here' so I ask if she can bring me a towel and she says 'Go on, get out. I'll dry you off.' so I get out and next thing you know, we're on the floor fucking and she says 'Wow you're just like Dad' and I say 'That's what mum tells me too'

1. Singaporean loves their cars so much that they dry humping their cars while filling the gas.
2. Why chiney can't drive properly in malaysia? because they can only see the front car's tyre.

Classic one, and very true:

The Presidents/PM of France, USA and Brazil are on a plane.
USA's put his hand out of the plane's window and states: "We have arrived in New York!"
People in the plane were amazed. "How could you tell?"
"Well", replied the President, "I touched the torch of the Statue of Liberty."
Everyone was impressed. Then comes France's PM, sticks his hand out and declares: "Nous sommes à Paris!"
"Wow, how do you know it?"
"I touched the Eiffel Tower!" Everyone applauds.
Then, the Brazilian President sticks his hand out of the window, and, just like the others, announces: "Chegamos ao Rio de Janeiro."
"Impressive! Did you touch Christ the Redeemer?"
"No, my watch's been stolen."

>>77405750
You don't reveal the ass part to the stranded guys up until they have gathered their fruit.

>>77405576
UMA TRAGICA

>>77406146
UMA TRAGÉDIA*

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How do you sink a begian submarine? Just knock.

What do you do if a belgian trows a grenade at you? Pull out the pin and trow it back.

What's that: three Romanians jumping up and down on some old, beat up Dacia cars?

The Bucharest Rave party :DDDDD

>>77397569
A ship sinks somewhere in the ocean, leaving only 16 survivors on a lifeboat. Unfortunately 3 people must sacrifice themselves and go overboard in shark infested waters or else the boat will sink. Sitting beside each other is an American, A Jap, A Filipino and a Chinaman. The American stands up and yells "IN GOD WE TRUST" and jumps overboard. He promptly gets devoured by the sharks. The Jap then stands up and yells "BANZAI". He is devoured as well. The Filipino stands up and yells "MABUHAY ANG PILIPINO" then kicks the Chinaman of the boat.

>>77406229

Oh wow, that submarine joke is the best one I've ever read!

>>77405530
We have this joke about the Jews

>>77406349
We love our lelgians.

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Growing up there were countless native jokes, can't remember them all.

What do you call two natives lying in a ditch?

A sleepover.

So the lads are comming to pick johnny up to play with them
>oi m8, come on less play some football
>can't mate, i'm sick
>oh, what's the matter
>i'm shaggin me sister

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>>77406115

>>77405617
>german humor

>>77404669
Fuggg you :-DDD

What do birds says when flying over a extermination camp?

Coui coui
(the sound of a bird, it sounds like "cuit"="cooked")

what is the ebay description of a french rifle?

"dropped once"

>>77408894
kek

How do you play Iraqi bingo? F18, B52, F18

knock knock
who's there
latvian
latvian who
please open is cold also dark

man & girl go out to drive under moonlight they stop at on at a side of road.
he turn to his girl and say
"baby, i love you very much"
"what is it honey?"
"our car is broken down. i think the engine is broken. ill walk and get some more fuel."
"ok. ill stay here and look after our stereo. there have been news report of steres being stolen"
"good idea. keep the doors locked no matter what. i love you sweaty"

so the guy left to get full for the car. after two hours the girl say "where is my baby, he was supposed to be back by now". then the girl here a scratching sound and voice say "LET ME IN"

the girl doesnt do it and then after a while she goes to sleep. the next morning she wakes up and finds her boyfriend still not there. she gets out to check and man door hand hook car door

>>77406300
Very nice.

Don't know if this exactly finnish but I find these funny.

A boy and a girl were driving on a motorcycle, when suddenly the boy stops the bike and says to the girl "Get off this instant...BITCH!!" and drives off into the sunset. The girl, appalled at the actions of the boy, starts crying and deleting the pictures she has of herself and the boy and posts rude things to the boys social media accounts until she passes out from crying. Next morning she finds out the boy has crashed 160km/h to a brick wall, apparently because the bike had no brakes! Immediately the girl understood what the boy had done; he had stopped the bike to let the girl off because he had noticed that the brakes were malfunctioning, saving his lovers life!!! The girl cried her eyes out, because that is true love!!! 99.3% of people are too heartless to share this story of true love!!!

It must be true that most of the jokes are the same with just the nationalities swapped, but I suspect this one might be genuine from ex yu region.

Peter went to germany to visit his cousin who's working there. He got off his train but soon enough he got lost, unable to find a way to his cousin. He spots a telephone booth and calls the cousin
"I got lost on the way, can you tell me how to get to your place"
"Sure, just tell me where are you right now"
He peeks out the booth, looking for the name of the street, turns back to the phone and says
"Einbahnstrasse"

Protip, some german is required.

A Hungarian child goes to a Romanian school.
The teacher asks him his name
Janos
The teacher says: That's not a very nice name, we'll call you Ionuț instead.
He goes back home and his parents aks him
Janos how was your new school, he doesn't answer.
Janos are you hungry? he doesn't angry
Eventually the parents get mad and give him a good trashing but he still won't answer.
Next day at school the teacher sees the marks on him and asks
Ionuț what happened?
I got beat up by some Hungarians

russian, an american, and a canadian walk into a bar

bartender says: i will give you drinks for free, but only if you answer what's 2+2

russian says: it's clearly 4

canadian says: it's clearly 4

american says: I dont know, I'm retarded brainwashed fucking faggot son of whore white male I wish mom aborted me so there was one less american white male in this world retarded whoreson

bartender pulls out a shotgun and shoots dumb american in face

A Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian walked into a bar. Bartender asked "now what kind of joke is this?"

you know why hitler kill himself ?

because of his gas bills

What animal that's first to the moon?

it's a birb.

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>Malaysian in Space

Dr. Mahathir (Malaysian ex PM) was about to send the first Malaysian rocket into space.

3 potential astronauts were called for an interview - one Indian, one Malay and one Chinese.

Dr. M interviews the Indian first: "So, Muthu, this is a dangerous mission... how much do you think you should be paid for it?"

Muthu thinks to himself and says, "1 million ringgit."
"Why so much?" asks Dr. M.
"Nowadays toddy wery expensive, Datuk (Sir)..." replies Muthu.
"I see," said Dr. M. "Thank you... please ask the Malay guy to come here."

So the Malay walks up, and is asked the same question.
"Uh... 2 million boleh (can) lah," replies the Malay applicant.
"2 million? That's a lot of money! Even the aneh (bro in tamil) before you only asked for one million!"
"You see, Datuk," explained Mat. "I have 4 wives and 15 children...so, 20 of us in the family, we need a lot of money to support ourselves..."
"I see," said Dr. M. "Okay, can you ask the Chinese guy to come up here now?"

The Chinese guy comes in and Dr. M asks, "Ah Chong, this is a dangerous mission... how much do you think you should be paid?"
Ah Chong thinks for a while, and suddenly says, "3 million."
Mahathir is shocked. "WHAT?!?! 3 million? Why so much?!"
Ah Chong beckons Dr. M to come closer, and whispers, "One million you keep, one million I keep, and then one more million to send the aneh into space."

>>77409560
Explain that last sentence

>>77404869
Is this a common sentiment in Europe?

>>77414651
It's just getting bullied because it's a small country with a weird government and short history.
The official anthem of the Legion is about belgians being bad shooters for example
it's just funny

What do you call a beautiful woman in America?

A tourist

>>77414798
There's so much evidence supporting it though.

>Attacks in Paris
>Belgian intelligence: please not us please not us please not us
>"Attackers traced back to Belgium"
>MERDE

a bear was walking and saw a burning car. he sat in it and burnt.

a man bought a hat, and it turned out to fit him.

Anti-jokes and meta jokes are fucking retarded. They're the sarcasm of told jokes. Sarcasm is often described as "the lowest form of wit.

>>77414995
What do beautiful people and relevancy have in common?

New Zealand will never produce either.

>>77415048
nah it's much older than this we've been making fun of belgium forever

also belgium has had its fair share of attacks
those are because they're a very urbanized and poor area, that's the kind of place where non-whites go to usually, urban centers are too expensive for them and require a good job to live in, while rural areas are white, unfriendly to them and don't offer shitskin social environment to evolve in
so 99% of the time shitskins live in the commieblocks in the suburbs, which represents most of belgium's territory, hence why belgium has proportionally so many shitskins, hence why they have so many terrorists

Two Irishmen are out looking for work
While walking through the woods, one of them spots a sign that says "Tree fellers wanted"
He turns to his friend and says "It's no good, Sheamus, dere's only two of us"

>>77415379
In 1917 a French cargo ship blew up and leveled half of Halifax
A Belgian ship was found responsible.

A french and a belgian are sitting next to each other in a pub and are watching the news on the TV. You can see a woman who is about to kill herself by jumping from a building and the firemen on the ground are trying to reason her.

The frenchman then tell the belgian "I bet you €50 she will jump."
The belgian is thinking for a few seconds and finally says : "Ok, Deal !"

Sadly for him after a few minutes the woman finally jump and die.
After collecting his money, the french says to the belgian : "Ok I have to admit I cheated, I saw this already on the news this morning."

"Yeah, me too", says the belgian, "but I didn't think she would do it twice".

>>77415377
Kicked your ass in the "America's" cup didn't we?

>>77415379
>so 99% of the time shitskins live in the commieblocks in the suburbs
I prefer our methods. It'll be harder for them to scatter from their isolated inner city hovels when it comes time to do a bit of cleaning. In the suburbs, they can easily scatter to the hills, like the vermin they are.

>>77406297
What sillier than the Swiss Navy ?
Belgian cultural center

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>>77415636
>gets called irrelevant
>brags about winning "America's" cup
I had to Google that.

>>77415654
T-the day of the rope is coming guys!

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>>77415755
I don't really believe that stuff. I was just trying to fit in.

Most of our jokes are about Lepe people (stupid), Andalusians (lazy), and Basques (strong but not bright). There are also jokes about cheap Catalans and arrogant Argentines.

A Castilian, a Catalan and an Andalusian are walking in the desert and find a genius lamp. They touch it and the genius comes out saying:
"I will grant each of you a wish for freeing me!"
So the Castilian says:
"you know, I work at a factory and my arm has been aching for a long while... I've been to the doctor but the painkillers do nothing, and I'm afraid I won't be able to work anymore if the pain is still there. Can you please heal my arm so I can go back to the factory?"
"No problem!" says the genius and magically heals the Castilian's arm.
Then, the Catalan says:
"well look, I'm an accountant in a lawyer firm. The problem is that I've been suffering headaches for months now, and they won't let me work or sleep. I wish I could get rid of the headache, because otherwise I won't be able to work. Can you please help me heal my headache?"
"of course, after all you liberated me!" says the genius, and heals the Catalan.
Meanwhile, the Andalusian has been silent and distant all the time. So the bewildered genius asks him:
"well, what's wrong with you? Don't you want me to help you?"
"don't you fucking touch me" says the Andalusian. "I'm on sick leave"

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Who was the father of mobutu, the ancien president of zaire ?

Mobuone

A parisian, a marseillais, a hot chick and a nun are sharing a cabin in a train.
Unfortunately the lights in the room are broken so when the train enters the first tunnel it goes all dark, when suddenly they all hear a huge SLAP noise.

When the train finally get out of the tunnel they all look embarassed at the parisian who is almost crying from pain, having a huge red hand mark on his cheek.

The hot girl is then thinking : "Poor guy, he must have tried to cuddle me but in the dark he grabbed the nun instead and she slapped him..."

The nun is thinking to herself : "That satyr must have tried to touch that young girl, I'm glad she defended herself !"

The parisian : "Damn, that guy probably fondled this chick and she thought it was me..."

The marseillais : "Can't wait for the next tunnel so I can slap this parisian cunt again."

How do you make a pregnant arab woman give birth ?

You put cheese in front of the hole and the rat will come out.

5 people in an ambulance: the nurse, the driver, the intern and two doctors.
Night shift. Suddenly, the driver starts to seizure and coughs a lot and chockes. The nurse punches him in the head, and he is back to normal now, everybody is laughing, except moody nurse and confused intern.

Then this happens with first doctor. Nurse punches him, he is back to normal, more laughing, mood and confusion.

Then this happens with second doctor. Nurse punches him, he is back to normal, even more laughing.

The intern says: - Maybe this is normal and I am not educated, but these symptoms and cure are really strange.

Driver replies: - This is not an illnesses, it is only nurse's husband hanged himself yesterday.

>>77405427
That sounds like the end of Rigoletto

Sorry for bad english.
the story of a german tourist in france. He speaks very well french so everyone is very impressed.
one day somz fenchman asks him how he learned french.
The german says :
" you see, during the war I was a jail keeper. Every day i used to talk with the french prisonners and i asked them to teach me two words every day.
I was stationed there for 1000 days."
And so he points a finger to his head and says :
"Wich means today I have 2000 french words, here, in my ass."

God is looking for a nation to be the chosen people, so he goes around the world with the Tablet of the Covenant to offer nations to follow the ten commandments

He goes to the French, but they refuse because of "Thou shall not commit adultery"
He then goes to the Romanians, but they refuse because of "Thou shall not steal"
He then goes to the Arabs, but they refuse because of "Thou shall not kill"
Finally, he goes to the Jews, but before he has a chance to tell them the laws, they ask him how much will it cost
"Cost? It'll be free"
"Free?! We'll take two!"

>>77421890
Based Jewish humour

How do you make 500 jews fit in a mini ?

2 on the front seats, 2 on the back seat and the 496 others in the ashtray.

Why do jews have big noses ?

Because air is free.

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>>77397569
>Germany

What's the jewish dilemna ?

Free slice of ham.

What's the difference between an arab and ET ?

ET knew he should go back home.

>>77422704
>>77422665
>>77422785
You're on a roll, Mohamed. Keep going.

Make holiday in poland, your car is already there

>>77422949
>hurr durr if you don't bow to the jews you're an arab
Alright, Daqueshaun.

Mohamed and Abdul are in a car. Who's driving ?

The police.

A jew gives you a... no just kidding.

What's the common point between an african and cream ?

It's better when it's whipped.

Once they decided to build a pool outside of a madhouse. They finished it in the morning but didn't fill it with water. At the third floor three mad people were awaken. The first one, thinking the pool was a full,jumped into the waterless pool, thus killing himself. Doctors went out to see what's happening. The second crazy man also jumped, dying in the end. The third one saw outside and backed away not jumping. The doctor, seeing how fear struck the third man and how he might be same now, shouted at him:
"Hey why aren't YOU jumping"
The man answers:
"I'm not crazy to get my clothes wet "

There are 3 babies, one german, one jewish and one polish.

Now the doctor wants to have fun and ask the father to go in the nursery and recognize their baby.
The polish dad goes and comes back, but he couldn't find his baby.
The jewish dad goes in and comes back, same, he has absolutely no clues.
German dad goes in and comes back and says he knows which babies all the 3 babies are.
The doctor, the jew and the pole are amazed and ask him how.

"Ach, z'ats easy I just said "Heil Hitler", my son raised his hand, the jewish baby shat himself and the polish baby cleaned it".

It's an african-american that comes back from middle school and tell his mother

"momma momma, we compared our dick size with the other kids and mine is gigantic compared to there's. Is it because I'm black ?"

"No, Deshaun, it's because you're 35".

A gypsy woman and her child enter a bus. Suddenly a man stands up, points at her child an d shouts "jesus christ, what an abomination of a human being!". The gypsy mother, naturally enraged, runs to the bus driver and complains furiously about this rudeness. The bus driver stops the bus and says understandingly "go back and finish off that guy, ma'am! I take care of your ape".

>>77422976
>Daqueshaun
It's actually Armando.

>>77397569
Laszlo had gotten married to a romanian.
Before the wedding night, his father told him:
>Laszlo, carry her into the house when you get home to show her that Szeklers are strong.
>Then undress in front of her to show her that Szeklers are beautiful.
>Then you know what to do.

After the wedding night, Laszlo went to his father and told him:
>I carried her to show her that Szeklers are strong.
>Then I got undressed to show her that Szeklers are butifel.
>Then I masturbated in front of her to show her that Szeklers are free and autonomous!

For context, Szeklers are a group that often ask for autonomy on ethnic criteria.
Think Quebec. Except they're in the middle of the country.

It's in a building with 3 families, a white family, a black family and an arab family.

One day the building is in flames. Which family has survived ?

The white one, because the parents were at work and the kids were at school.

Man goes to doctor and asks how to become American. Doctor says he must go under surgery and remove half his brain. Man agrees
>post surgery
Sorry sir it appears we removed 3 quarters of your brain
Man says Vittun paska kyll

What's a chinese in a suit ?

A nem in black.

A man finds a little girl in the woods, crying hysterically. He asks her what's wrong.

"My parents were just dragged by a bunch of wolves!"

"Whoa," the guy replies while unbuckling his pants, "This really isn't your day".

>>77423504
Thanks. I'm actually going to share the modified version of this with my Quebecer coworkers.

What's long and black ?

The queue at KFC.

>>77423643
k
hope they find it funny

>>77423600
WTF
Is this a popular joke or something only edgy teenagers say?

How do you kill a Frenchman while he's drinking?

Slam down the toilet seat

A argentinian and his sister are fucking
-omg bro! you fuck so much better than dad! -said the sister
-I know sis, mom also told me that! -said the brother

>>77416716
i remember this one with a dutch and englishman

A french flag, an american flag and a fucking leaf are shitposting in a thread.
A german flag come in and starts saying shit about the three other nations for no reason.
Everyone ask him if every german is as retarded as he is.
The german flag responds : I am a Greek.

>>77423829
Funny from people who love being pissed and shat on.

German fin and russian sit at a table
German says that their planes are so fast that you cant see the sky
Brit says that their boats are so fast that you cant see sea
Finn says that has friend Pekka who lives in helsinki and has dick that hangs to knees

German admits that yes you could see a little bit of sky
Brit says that yes you can see a bit of see
Fin too feels he lied a bit and says well Pekka actually lives in Turku

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>>77404087

An old jewish guy is laying on his bed, he is sick and he knows he's about to die soon. In his last moments he calls for his wife :

>"Rachel ? Oh Rachel my dear wife, are you here?"
>"Yes Moshe, I'm here" she says crying, "it's gonna be ok."
>"Oh, and David, my eldest son, you came to see your old father too?"
>"Yes dad, don't worry I'm here too"
>"Oh and Sarah, my only daughter, you came to kiss your old dad goodbye too?"
>"Yes dad of course I'm here" she said, a tear running on her cheek
>"And you Samuel, my youngest child, are you also here?"
>"Yes dad I'm here too, all of us are here with you."
>"What? But who the fuck is running the store then?"

- Pekka, can you see the forest?
- No... There's too many trees in the way.

How do you recognize the belgian in a street fight ? He's the one holding an electric razor.

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What is yellow and waiting ?
Jonathan
>>77398353
lmao cant outsmart the french xD

>>77416304
Genie is the magical, wish granting creature from a lamp. Genius is a very smart person.

>>77426836
Genie means genius.

A Canadian and an American go into a washroom and both pee. Afterwards the American heads for the sink and the Canadian for the door. The American says "You know in the United States of America they teach us to wash our hands after peeing." The Canadian responds: "In Canada they teach us not to pee on ourselves."

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>>77426917
Fucking Latin

>>77406115
I like this one because it's not just one of those generic ones people have been posting that you can apply to anything. I mean like the fruit ass joke and the HIV one, you can use those with anything and it doesn't matter

>>77424742
what did the russian do?

>>77409764
Am I missing something

>>77405294
The joke here is that Germany is trying to make a joke

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>>77397569
An asian, negro and mexican walk into a bar, and the bartender says "get the fuck out"

my cunt is a joke itself

>>77427955
i fucked up but its told sometimes with russian and sometimes with fin

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>>77397569


An American walks into a pub in ASSpain and says ''I'll have a bud light.'' The bartender replies ''You're an American, right?'' The guy says ''How did you know, was it the beer or my accent?'' To which the bartender replies ''Neither, you're the fattest fuck i've ever seen in my life.''

englishman, scotsman and irishman walk into a bar
the englishman and scotsman are normal but the irishman is stupid

>>77426960
your hand is on your sweaty fucking dick and balls though

>>77430083
amazgin

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>>77409560

>>77427665
Yeah, I tried to pick a culturally relevant joke.
Ever heard the build-a-bridge one?

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>>77397569
Where does a gay eagle fly to? His aerie.

a man walks into a bar
"ow"

classic

>>77430148
How fat are you that your penis sweats this much? Also, why do you fondle your balls while peeing? Do all yanks do this?

>>77409560
Shit, I haven't seen that one in a while.

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>>77422002
Here's something you might like.

A child molester and a little girl walk through the dark forest. The little girl says to the man that she's afraid. the man replies, "oh, ask me, I need to go back home alone later."

A Latvian, a Russian and an Englishman are on a lonely island. A beautiful women comes up to them and says: ''If you bring me the most beautiful flower on this island, you'll get fame and fortune. First comes the Englishman with a Tulip, the woman says: ''It's ugly put it in your ass''. The second comes the Latvian with a rose, the woman says: ''It's ugly, put it in your ass''. The Latvian and the Englishman are both shoving flowers in their ass and laughing. The woman says: ''Why are you laughing? Doesn't it hurt? The Englishman and the Latvian respond: ''It hurts, but we're laughing at the Russian. He's bringing a cactus.

I have a few more of these.

>>77409560
i miss that albanian poster

When you go for a vacation to Poland you only need to buy a one way train ticket. As soon as you are there you can find your own car for the way back home

>>77432489
A Latvian, a Russian and and Englishman are flying a plane. The pilot says: ''The plane is too heavy, we have to throw some things out.''. The Englishman throws out his mobile phone. The Russian asks: ''Why did you throw out your mobile phone?'. The Englishman responds: ''We have those everywhere.''.
The Russian throws out a fish can. The Latvian asks: ''Why did you it throw out?''.
The Russian says: ''We have those everywhere.''. The Latvian throws out the Russian. The Englishman asks: ''Why did you throw out the Russian?''. The Latvian says: ''Because they're everywhere.''.

>>77433351
A Latvian, a Russian and and Englishman are flying a plane. The pilot says: ''The plane is too heavy, we have to throw some things out.''. The Englishman throws out a spoon. The Latvian asks: ''Why did you throw out your spoon?'. The Englishman responds: ''We have those everywhere.''.
The Russian throws out a fork. The Englishman asks: ''Why did you it throw out?''. The Russian says: ''We have those everywhere.''. The Latvian throws out a dynamite. The Russian asks: ''Why did you throw out dynamite?''. The Latvian says: ''Because they're everywhere.''.

The plane has landed. The Englishman meets a crying girl. ''Why are you crying?'' said the Englishman. ''A spoon fell from the and killed my cat.'' said the girl. The Russian meets a crying boy. ''Why are you crying?'' said the Russian. ''A fork fell from the sky and killed my dog.'' said the boy. The Latvian meets a smiling boy. ''Why are you smiling?'' said the Latvian.
''My grandma went to the bathroom and farted so loud, that the entire village heard it.'' said the boy.

Two Latvian look at clouds.

One see potato. Other see impossible dream.

Is same cloud.

Three Latvians sit in a bar. They compare their son's achievements.
One says, my son is a cossack. He can rape and pillage all day
The second says that my son is a farmer who grows potatoes.
The third says my son is dead.
The three look at each other and say, ahh your son is truly win us.
But they are all sad inside

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>only know two jokes
>one only makes sense in Brazilian Portuguese

A Pole, a Russian and a German have summoned Satan and he made a following deal with them: "I'll give you two solid iron balls and lock you up in an empty room. After three hours I' ll come back and if you're able to suprise me, I'll give you whatever you want. Otherwise, you go to hell."
As he said, he did and after three hours he goes to see the German guy. The German is juggling, throwing the balls around, balancing one on the other but Satan stays unimpressed and throws him in hell after the show is over. Next, the Russian. He makes the balls disappear and apear in his pocket, behind Satan's ear etc but it's still not enough. He goes to hell. Now the Polish guy.
He lost the first ball and broke the other.

>>77430981
>Also, why do you fondle your balls while peeing? Do all yanks do this?
Do you not? How do you piss, then?

A cowboy from Colorado and a cowboy from Wyoming are out on the range when they see a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. The cowboy gets off of his horse, and he just starts fucking the sheep like crazy.
After fucking the sheep for awhile, the Colorado cowboy asks the Wyoming cowboy, "Hey, do you want some of this?"
"Sure," replied the Wyoming cowboy, "but do I have to stick my head in the fence?"

A jewish, a hindu and a black are travelling, they ask a farmer to stay at his farm for the night.

Sure but i only got two spare beds, so one of you will need to sleep at the barn.
Firstly the Hindu says he has no problem with it, so he goes to the barn.
After half an hour, there is a knocking at the house's door, the farmer opens the door and its the Hindu.
Im sorry, i can't sleep at the barn, there is a cow there, and cows are sacred for me.
So the jewish offers to switch with him and goes to the barn.
Half an hour later, there is a knocking at the door, the farmer opens it and its the Jew.
Im sorry, but there is a pig at the barn, you see, at my religion, pigs are considered impure, so i can't sleep there.
So the black man offers to go sleep on the barn in his place.
Half an hour later, there is a knocking at the door, the farmer opens it.
Its the pig and cow.

Two women are on holidays with their husbands. When the husbands don't arrive on time for dinner, they start suspecting that they have gone to the naked beach and forgotten time.
The start searching for them immediately and finally find two men lying on the beach with their faces covered from the sun with newspapers.
The women walk past them, taking both a short glimpse.
"No that's not my husband. And especially not yours."
"Yes it's really not my husband."
After thinking for a while
"You know what, that's nobody from our hotel"

>>77423292
Similar one:

A German, Austrian and Chinese father are waiting for their women to finish giving birth. After a while the doctor comes storming out, seemingly nervous.
"There has been a confusion – we don't know which child belongs to whom. Could you maybe come in with me, maybe someone of you could recog…"
The doctor can't even finish speaking, when he is interrupted by the German immediately rushing into the delivery room, coming out again seconds after holding an Asian-looking child in his arms.
"Sir, with all due respect, are you really sure this is your child?"
"No, but at least it's not the Austrian either."

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>>77424456
gets me every time

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>>77432811
You don't even need to find your car, your family's house is there, too

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FUCKING SHIT

>>77429424
ClintEastwoodGranTorino.jpg