/fug/ - /fr/+/brit/+/deutsch/

1st for fuck the finns for stealing our rightfull general name

Fuck you, there are enough generals, no need for another useless one.

>>76168678
Come back when /fug/ has intresting memes

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>>76168678
England > France

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Previous thread had Charlemagne so I'll give you a triggered Charlemagne after seeing what became of his Empire.

Hi

>>76168886
/int/ is all about generals now. Deal with it. /bant/ is for everything else.

>>76168935
>Charlegmane's """empire"""

>>76168886
/fug/ is superior to most of them

>>76168958
tl;dr nice reddit comic senpai

Can we invite Austria? We have almost more history with them than we do with Germany...

>>76168534

>>76168886
The other generals are worse, though.

Hello

>>76168935
>lazy eye

>Hitler gave away half of Europe to soviet gommunism
best leader

>>76169030
Hello, my Iberian friend.

>>76169039
Mussolini>De Gaulle>>>Churchill>Roosevelt>>>Hitler

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>>76169014
>Can we invite Austria?
But Germany is already in the title

*invades your thread*

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anime

>>76169086
>De Gaulle that high
fuck off

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>>76169135
*hides in the forests*

>>76169155
why do anglos hate de Gaulle so much?

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Would you have sex with Amélie? :3

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>>76169136
lewd

>>76169194
Before you ask what the Anglo did to de Gaulle, you should ask what de Gaulle did to the Anglos

>>76169132
But you're not allowed to Anschluss?

>>76169210
>>>/vg/overwatch
Go be cancer somewhere else.
[spoiler]yes i would[/spoiler]

>>76169210
>low body temp
>your dick shrinks
>she makes fun of you
>she ties you up in spider silk
>she pegs you with her nedle heels

>>76169132
Do Austrians get mad if you say they're German?

>>76169214
Why especially Ireland and Wales?

>>76169239
what did he do?

>>76169194
>"waaaaaah he kept us out of the EU even though we were going to leave it anyways"

>>76169256
>not allowed
Oh you.

>>76169300
my fetish in particular
can we have a /few/ general just for me to harass celt boys?

>>76169307
Don't you make me come here and rub soap in your mouth again.

>>76169155
I don't know about his military prowesses, but he's the reason we enjoyed being considered winners of WW2 even though we barely fought
I mean that's something

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whch 2hu wud u hug? :D

>>76169180
lol'd

>>76169277
Many do
There is an interview between Gauland (AfD candidate) and an Austrian reporter where Gauland mentioned that he feels more connected to Austria than to other European countries because of the common history; "we were even one country up until 1866" (referring to the Deutscher Bund). The reporter was kind of triggered by that, funny to watch

>>76169135
*cucks your thousand year old royal line*
What you going to do about it, huh?

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>>76169415
All, but Parsee in particular.
>>76169411
At the detriment of American and British domination over France (especially American ,frankly, De gaulle was kinda an ass to Churchill that genuinely loved France)

>>76169453
Austria is not for bullying. They have been our greatest obstacle to continental domination since almost forever before Germans picked up the slack.

>>76169490
>Churchill that genuinely loved France
>la phrase "un anglo qui aime la france"

haha

>>76169509
There is no real bullying between Germany and Austria. We're friendly neighbors with a common history and some tainting is a necessary ingredient in a friendly relationship.

>>76169415
murasa

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>>76169032
You're mocking our King?

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>>76169277
Austrians are less masculine Germans.
This man is probably their next chancellor and I'd love to rail his boipucci and call him Dumbo.

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>>76167521

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>>76169541
It's not the 18th century anymore anon. We've had more than 200 years of cooperation with the UK.

>>76169601
>There is no real bullying between Germany and Austria.
Doesn't it seem like you're dismissing how you abducted one of their own citizens and put him up as up as your leader so you could extort his special Austrian French-killing powers so you could conquer Europe?

But seriously though, are they to you what the France-Britain thing is?

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>>76169601
>There is no real bullying between Germany and Austria.

Drop your Proxy you inbred Almöhi.

>>76169601
>No bullying
>Call her Disloyal province

You just want to keep Austria for yourself.

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>>76169541
>he doesn't like the de Gaulle/Churchill power couple
They perfectly embodied each other's countries hilariously.

>Churchill
A pudgy drunk shrilling at the top of his lungs about muh colonies, bantering against fucking Stalin because he thought it was hilarious.

>de Gaulle
Tall, gaunt arrogant military man, obsessed with "muh honor", made easily insecure but that went against all odds stacked against him anyways.

It's perfect.

>>76169792
I'm no Ösi
But don't let them know I said this

>>76169752
>Doesn't it seem like you're dismissing how you abducted one of their own citizens and put him up as up as your leader so you could extort his special Austrian French-killing powers so you could conquer Europe?
Fun times
>But seriously though, are they to you what the France-Britain thing is?
Can't really say it, I know too little about your relationship. I don't think it's too comparable, though

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I see no difference between Austria and Germany...
What's the difference between the two?

>>76169859
>Tall, gaunt arrogant military man, obsessed with "muh honor", made easily insecure but that went against all odds stacked against him anyways.
Sorry but I'm afraid you've been diagnosed autism and anglo induced french bashing

>>76169896
Austrians are as inbred as Bavarians and basically just as backward.
Their country is basically Vienna & some villages full of people with congenital dissorders.

>>76169014
/deutsch/ is already in the title. Our General includes the German part of the Swiss, Austria and us.

>>76169896
One is Catholic, the other is heretic.

>>76169958
t. Charles

>>76169896
Hozzerhollerns are autistic Prussians who could only derive sexual fulfillment from seeing regiments march neatly in uniform.
Habsburgs are cunning masters of diplomacy that put the HRE on its knees to them, and managed to own half of Europe once.

One founded Germany, the other Austria. That's all you need to do.

>>76169958
>ne pas savoir rire de son propre pays alors que j'en ai dit bien pire sur le RU
C'est comment l'autisme anon?

>>76169995
>the German part of the Swiss
please no

>>76170027
>managed to own half of Europe once
And we all know how that played out...
They lost even more clay than us and are a nobody today.

>>76170084
This, it's annoying. We don't need foreigners with an inferiority complex frankly, France-UK-Germany is enough

>>76170027
C'est pas rire de son propre pays. C'est se moquer de de Gaulle. J'en ai juste marre que tout le monde crache sur de Gaulle. Il s'est fait constamment humilié par les anglais et les américains et maintenant même vous croyez en ces conneries.
les gens nous manquent constamment de respect et vous êtes d'accord

>>76170084
>>76170130
Yeah. I just said it as it is. The Swiss in /deutsch/ are horrible and I am glad that no one found his way to /fug/.

>>76170135
>>76170027
Speak english to let others profit from your autism guys.
>>76170187
We don't have much of them in /fr/ sometimes one will come, boast about how richer he is and how France is poor, get ignored and leave.
I really don't like Swiss. Most of them are vapid and arrogant. Worked 3 years there. Never again.

>>76170104
In my heart, they are still our greatest enemy. Thank God the Germans unknowingly assisted us in putting down the greatest slaugtherer of French there has ever been. It's for the best, but they have to be left in statis like this while we figure out how to tame them.

>>76170135
Et ça t'as échapper que je fais aussi jouer de l'hyperbole sur Winston, qui mérite bien qu'on dise de lui que c'était un saoul incapable. Qu'on aime de Gaulle on non, ça en reste une personne assez arrogante, mais pour qui son arrogance a aidé à lui faire combattre pour la France. Tu en as plein d'autres qui se seraient tus quand on leur aurait annoncé que la France n'appartiendrait au conseil de sécurité à l'ONU. La même arrogance qui lui a faire pourfendre ce que lui ordonnait FDR et Winston, et l'a fait rencontrer Stalin pour établir la France comme une puissance 'neutre' pour la Guerre froide. Après "grand", oui. "Ténébreux", oui. Et oui, il s'est battu contre des énormes chances contre il est partit en Angleterre pour fonder les FFL.

>>76170342
bien mieux*

>>76170294
no u

>>76170187
Yeah. Austrians are ok, though. They are weird without exception, but I'm fine with them.

>>76170294
>Worked 3 years there. Never again.
Banking?

>>76170294
>I really don't like Swiss
Nobody likes them tbqh.
>>76170394
*the Austrian

>>76170404
No, for a luxury clocks craftsman
Comfy winters however, coming from the South, it's a real change to actually have snow.

>>76170342
>be me
>in Switzerland for holidays
>go to the train ticket office
>lady smiles at me "Grüezi"
>say "Grüezi" back, continue speaking in standard German
>smile instantly disappears

>>76170342
tu parles quelle langue sale autiste

>>76170519
Would've reacted the same way

>>76170525
Ouais me relisant, beurk. Ca me fait ça quand je parle anglais et français en même temps. Les expressions qui se brouillent et toussa toussa.

Ca va, soit pas méchant. Là c'est "bully"-tier.

>>76170519
Hmm, don't think I get it?

>>76169014
Ok but no Slavs.

>>76170510
>coming from the South
Don't you lot have Ars like 1 hour away? Used to head down there for the weekend when I lived in the SOuth.

>>76170574
The Swiss don't like using the intelligible version of German but she had to use it because I don't speak the moonspeak that the Swiss call "German"

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Les autres français du fil, est-ce qu'il a raison: >>76170525?

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>>76170614
Ars refer to several town in France, so probably.
https://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arse_(rivi%C3%A8re)
Also found that. Should make Brits chuckle.
>>76170681
You'd have less of a problem if you kept speaking english, or fuck off to >>>/fr/

>>76169300
Well, I don't mind de Gaulle personally, but calling for Quebec independence and blocking our EEC application the way he did was a bit distasteful

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>>76170669
Holy shit, you're right. This is terrifying.

>>76170705
Ars, the skiing station? Is it the name I'm butchering? And I'm asking to know whether my French really is weird to read through.

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>>76170745
Vars*

Désolé.

>>76170745
>>76170784
Oh yeah it is, but I don't go skiing so no snow for me. Only the warm embrace of the sea.
Your post >>76170342 has some faults but it isn't that horrible. Standard pisspoor french by someone that talks english more often. Anon was overreacting because he is a moron.

>>76170892
>Standard pisspoor french by someone that talks english more often.
Meh, I don't know how this came to be though... Think here is the only place where English's really needed from me, but I speak French from day to day life. Kind of sad I would have weird French even despite it.

And it's not that pisspoor. I use pretty words!

>>76170972
Where are you from in the first place?

>>76171174
France.

>>76171174
Alegria

>>76171174
Which is why it's jarring to me.

>implying Great Britain is the same as the United Kingdom
acronym doesn't work lads

>>76171174
Morocco

>>76171455
>implying anyone cares
The French call us Allemagne, too, and nobody has a problem with it

>>76171709
That's not really the same thing in that instance.
Great Britain and UK are not the same thing. It's not a question of name

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpiCvl3bOVc

>>76171455
So we really care about Northern Ireland though ?

Guys, next edition has to be /fgg/

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>the entire planet isn't british pink

>>76171926
We will become, /ggg/, Gaul, Germany, Great-Britain.

An inverse of "666", you will have noticed. Truly our countries are the devil trio.

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>>76172025
It's not pink !
>>76172103
More like Gaul,germany,gutter

>>76172103
Actually not too bad an idea, but it would imply giving up to the finno-ugric general which we cannot do

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>>76172103
/bgg/
Britannia, Germania, Gallia

Bretty Gud General

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briddish btfo haha

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S T O P
T
O
P

/fug/ is our name and /fug/ will stay our name.

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Still haven't slept

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who do you vote for when your most important topics are climate change and immigration?

the parties that are hard on immigration invariably have a retarded position on climate change and vice versa

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>>76172366
me neither
woke up yesterday at 6.10 AM

France Allemagne Grande-Bretagne with guest from Suède (Sweden)

/fags/

>>76172282
To be honest, our economy is in a kind of unhealthy black hole situation with the singularity centred in London. Workers in London are some of the wealthiest in the world whereas the rest of England outside of Surrey is pretty much here be dragons land.

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>>76172409
I woke up yesterday at 15h30 so it's barely been 26 hours asleep, I'm still on easy mode
I'll do some sport, eat, take a shower, smoke and joint and then the hard part will begin

>>76171926
What does those Gs mean?

>>76172399
If you ever figure this out do get back to me, because I don't know either. It really feels like choose your poison right now.

>>76172399
>who do you vote for when your most important topics are climate change and immigration?

Well, we had only one choice to try and regulate immigration with Le Pen but my brainwashed people voted against it.

Then again the bitch was anti Euro so I guess it was all set up to be like this

You know we aren't gonna make it through this shit as a white nation, it's becoming brazil here

>>76172282
what countries are the purple ones in north Italy? beneath switzerland

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>25°

I wanted to buy shoes but none of them fit me ;_;

>>76172620
Licht.

>>76172496
>I'll do some sport

nice, take it easy though

>>76172692
What size are you?

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>>76172637
It's been 35°C all day here and it's fucking great, love that heavy and warm feeling you get when you are sitting under a tree in the garrigue surrounded by insects and bird noises, the wind, and overwhelmed by the pine scent

>>76172713
It's ok, I'll be inside lifting stuff away from the sun
I don't mind the heat though, it feels more like I'm making an effort. But I don't trust the sun, I'm too white skinned for the south

>tfw only french posters frequent this general
sad

>>76172946
I don't know why, /fr/ can be shit but it's not as cancerous as /brit/ or the German speaking general as far as I know
Maybe we're the only neets

someone PLEASE be my friend, I don't have any

>>76172907
did you take this pic? Where do you live?

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>>76173190
Yeah I did, it's in the Aude departement, but I'm from neighbouring Hérault

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>Britain and France used to be noble and feared rivals, colonizing the world and bringing civilisation to the savage
>now two crocked old men getting murdered by islamists every other week and apologising for it

>>76173381
>colonizing
yank

>>76172907
You must be made of sterner stuff than I am, anon. I just nipped out to bants my dad a bit and caught the Sun at full blast and now half my face feels irradiated. Like, it literally felt like being on fire.

>>76173068
we're all friends here lad

>>76173068
How come, lad?

>>76172769
I dunno. Usually something like 43

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>>76173727
Yeah don't worry the coastline here is full of Africans and gypsies, and beaufs from all over Europe during summer
But where the hills and mountains begins it's perfectly fine
Where do you live ?

>>76173645
Well I suffer from the heat too but it's been this way since I was born so you just accept it and move on with the fact that whatever you do you're gonna be dripping sweat

>open kitchen door
>stagnating overheated air hits me square in the face
i just wanted a drink

>>76173899
Same everytime I enter my studio

>>76174010
ouch
they did a real number on that region

>>76173899
Kek this, went to get a yoghurt and this huge block of heat almost felt like a concrete wall

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>>76174010
I used to spend winter vacations in the Ile-de-France countryside, I really loved it because it was veeeery different from Languedoc. And I love Paris itself too, although I wouldn't want to live there unless I have lot of money
I can't imagine living in a shitty suburb tho
I hope you'll move soon

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>20 minutes walk to the store
>Not a single shadow
T-thanks Maman, could have asked me to do that this morning when it was 37°C
At least I found some Coca cola lemon and cherry

>>76174265
When it was 27°C*

>>76174114
île-de-france has countryside ?
when i go there it's by train from the west and all i see is endless fields with small woods inbetween

On dit souvent que les Anglais ont développé des qualités de sang-froid et de réserve, une manière aussi d'envisager les événements de la vie - y compris les plus tragiques - avec humour. C'est assez vrai ; c'est complètement idiot de leur part. L'humour ne sauve pas ; l'humour ne sert en définitive à peu près à rien. On peut envisager les événements de la vie avec humour pendant des années, parfois de très longues années, dans certains cas on peut adopter une attitude humoristique pratiquement jusqu'à la fin ; mais en définitive la vie vous brise le coeur. Quelles que soient les qualités de courage, de sang-froid et d'humour qu'on a pu développer tout au long de sa vie, on finit toujours par avoir le coeur brisé. Alors, on arrête de rire. Au bout du compte il n'y a plus que la solitude, le froid et le silence. Au bout du compte, il n'y a plus que la mort.

>>76174443
Well if it isn't a city I guess it qualifies as countryside, or perhaps I should have said "rural Île-de-France". It was a tiny hamlet near La Ferté-Gaucher in Seine et Marne. It was all frozen fields, flatness and woods but since I grew up surrounded by vineyards, the sea and rocky hills it was a whole new world as a kid

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>>76174644
PROFOND

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>>76174692
L'IDÉOLOGIE *sniffs*

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>>76174265
>Dad asks me to buy some bread in peak sunny hours
>I gather courage and go outside
>Reach the bakery
>My dad's inside chatting with the owner
>"Oh shit sorry Anon I forgot to tell you I went by myself eventually"

>>76173686
I'm ugly and kinda dumb

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Are French people white?

>>76168678
Are ex-colonies with Stockholm syndrome allowed?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOZzFXolGJc

>>76175575
gib tunisian gf pls

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>>76175575
Are Tunisians white?

>>76175568
No we're not

>>76175595
Come here and I'll help you get one

>>76175568
>Are French people

Fixed it for you

>>76175647
her right eye is abnormally large in comparison with her left eye.

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>>76175647
Yes we are

>>76175660
I am too autistic to leave my homecity.

>>76175575
Why do you like France?
Did they not slaughter your people en masse?

>>76175568
french people yes
"french" people probably won't remain past or so

>>76175813
>Did they not slaughter your people en masse?


now if you start making shit up

>>76175842
2050 or so*

>>76175813
i wish we fucking did honestly

>>76175842
Yes. The native population of europe is being displaced by third world immigrants.

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>>76175568
turns out this is the average french apparently, so no, I guess

What is this

>>76175927
>so no
?

>>76175813
>Did they not slaughter your people en masse?
Don't talk nonesense, we didn't do that much awesome thing in North Africa

>>76175990
Recreational weaponized shitposting

>>76175998
He is some Varg tier retard, don't pay attention to him.

>>76176000
why even colonize them then?

>>76176041
I'm not a Varg retard
the guy just looks like a fucking iranian or something
I don't see people like this in the streets

I want the feels to end

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>>76176135
I said Varg tier you cretin.
>Iranian
Top kek so it really is you, rambling about seceding from everything under the Loire, and how we only share a language with the south ?
You're a fucking joke mate.

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>>76176225
>I said Varg tier you cretin.
and I said "a varg retard"

>Top kek so it really is you, rambling about seceding from everything under the Loire, and how we only share a language with the south ?
never said that

but look at that iranian photo then the french photo
they look really alike

when i'm in town people look more like pic related than the "french" one

>It's another "there is only one type of French people" thread

Not the other guy and not sayong Maghrebi magically became French, but from north to south we have a lot of white diversity, it's retarded to expect people from Perpignan to look like Normands

>>76176640
This is not what I said. I said the "average french male" photo does not look like a french male

>>76176640
Absolutely agree with you, I won't even spend time to respond to ignorant asses
My compatriots do you homework about your country and that'll be good

>>76176722
Well I guess my point is that I don't really see what the "average French man" looks like.
Granted I can spot foreign tourists where I live and I don't want any of that bullshit like "black Celts" etc, but walking the streets in any city you'll see plenty of different looks, with some preponderant colours of eyes/hair/skin depending on the region but always very diverse.
I agree the guy on the pic doesn't strike me as an average French, but for me it's because I can't picture an average French to start with

>>76176000
Serious question. Why did you colonize Northafrica?
There is nothing but muzzies and sand.

>>76176960
For prime Morrocan hash I guess
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Club_des_Hashischins?oldformat=true

>>76176960
It's much more than sand anon. The coast is fertile and rich + control of the Mediterranean sea.
Islam in NA wasn't as much as a problem as it is now (since it was pretty weakened and SA didn't have oil money to fund mosque everywhere)

>>76177073
this, plus it's just next door

Why is /fug/ so ded? It's infinite times better than /brit/, which is full of homosexuals and communists

>>76178522
Yeah, it's also better than /fr/.
I don't know why it's dead though, there's no reason for me. I thought it was because people would want to speak their language but that doesn't explain why there's no british ppl here either

>>76178522
It was active earlier but conversation died down.
A shame but well, such is life

>>76176960
Well, if you think of it in terms of political space it makes a lot of sense
Someone will occupy North Africa, so rather it be the French than the Turks

>>76178522
we should be asking that desu it seems only frenchbros post here

>>76178601
>>76178613
I'm the OP of most /fug/ threads so I usually bump these threads a lot whenever I can and contribute to the various conversations but because I have a sort of normalfag life I'm not on 4chan for large chunks of the day, especially weekends

/fug/ just needs more active regulars who would prefer posting here over their national threads. That's how we secure the existence of our threads and a future for /fug/ children

>>76178779
It depends on the time. Sometimes only Brits are there with one or two Frenchies, other time it's Brits+Germans with not French around.

>>76178522
I like that it goes so slowly, it's more comfy. But that also implies, that it's not really anyone's "default" general as it's not reliable yet, so to say.

>>76178895
In /fug/'s first week there were late night periods where only Germans posted and they basically treated the place like /deutsch/

I think /fug/ works better with mostly Brits and French posters with a handful of Germans

>>76178982
I remember that as well. It's surprising that germans seems so few on /fug/, /deutsch/ is really quick.
Perhaps it's a bit inflated like /brit/ with posts like "did a poo" or things like that.

Which cities of France and Germany really capture the national spirit/culture now that Paris and Berlin have become metropolitan multicultural hellholes, shadows of their former selves?

London is the same, and I'd say a better city of capturing Britain's culture is York or Bath.

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One british gf please

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>>76180076
I'd like one, too, but it seems they are out of stock

>>76179999
Nice quads.
Frankly I don't know. Lyon perhaps, or Bordeaux.
Marseille is Marseille, it's its own "Southern French" identity.

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>>76180076
>>76180116
Are you lads posting from inside a time warp? Why on Earth would you want one

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWF2JBb1bvM

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>>76180272
They're cute

>>76180272
only northern British gfs are grim

Southern, Scottish, Welsh and middle class gfs are lovely

>>76180272
Grass is always greener anon.
But frankly a nice middle class girl from Bristol sounds like bliss.

>>76169239
What?

He just told burgers to fuck off when they wanted to make us their bitch and said 'vive le Québec libre', it's fucking nothing

>>76169300
because we wuz celts, I guess

There's a canadian constantly shitting on us on this board everytime the word "french" is written I wish he would stfu desu

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>>76180405
>middle class girl from Bristol

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>>76179999
Bordeaux, Lyon
I've been to both, they also have their share of problems but they are also huge cities with many interesting remains of French history and culture, museums, UNESCO world heritage sites, gastronomy...
There are still many good French cities of lesser sizes, but for the biggest ones those 2 come to mind
I still consider Paris a must see tho, and better go in february/march, it's devoid of tourists

>>76180116
Can I have 1 german gf please

- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.]

- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War
- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

>>76180673
FOY

>>76180683
- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you."
With only an hour and a half of research, Jonathan Duczkowski provided the following losses:

Norse invasions, 841-911.
After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) who gave them Normandy in return for peace. Normans proceed to become just about the only positive military bonus in France's [favour] for next 500 years.

>>76180683
Get that pasta out of here I'm hungry

>>76180726
Mexico, 1863-1864.
France attempts to take advantage of Mexico's weakness following its thorough thrashing by the U.S. 20 years earlier ("Halls of Montezuma"). Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). Booted out of the country a little over a year after arrival.

Panama jungles 1881-1890.
No one but nature to fight, France still loses; canal is eventually built by the U.S. 1904-1914.

Napoleonic Wars.
Should be noted that the Grand Armee was largely (~%50) composed of non-Frenchmen after 1804 or so. Mainly disgruntled minorities and anti-monarchists. Not surprisingly, these performed better than the French on many occasions.

Haiti, 1791-1804.
French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. Shows another rule of French warfare; when in doubt, send an ally.

India, 1673-1813.
British were far more charming then French, ended up victors. Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine...). Ensures 200 years of bad teeth in England.

Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830.
Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Meditteranean. France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. America's solution: kick their asses ("the Shores of Tripoli"). [America's] first overseas victories, won 1801-1815.

1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S.
French privateers (semi-legal pirates) attack U.S. shipping. U.S. fights France at sea for 3 years; French eventually cave; sets precedent for next 200 years of Franco-American relations.

Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s.
Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. Hide behind Pyrennes until the modern day.

>>76180799

French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair):

1208: Albigenses Crusade, French massacared by French.
When asked how to differentiate a heretic from the faithful, response was "Kill them all. God will know His own." Lesson: French are badasses when fighting unarmed men, women and children.

St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572.
Once again, French-on-French slaughter.

Third Crusade.
Philip Augustus of France throws hissy-fit, leaves Crusade for Richard the Lion Heart to finish.

Seventh Crusade.
St. Louis of France leads Crusade to Egypt. Resoundingly crushed.

[Eighth] Crusade.
St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. See Seventh Crusade.

Also should be noted that France attempted to hide behind the Maginot line, sticking their head in the sand and pretending that the Germans would enter France that way. By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). French ignored this though, and put all their effort into these defenses.

Thomas Whiteley has submitted this addition to me:

Seven year War 1756-1763
Lost: after getting hammered by Frederick the Great of Prussia (yep, the Germans again) at Rossbach, the French were held off for the remainder of the War by Frederick of Brunswick and a hodge-podge army including some Brits. War also saw France kicked out of Canada (Wolfe at Quebec) and India (Clive at Plassey).

Richard Mann, an American in France wants to add the following:

The French consider the departure of the French from Algeria in 1962-63, after 130 years on colonialism, as a French victory and especially consider C. de Gaulle as a hero for 'leading' said victory over the unwilling French public who were very much against the departure. This ended their colonialism. About 2 million ungrateful Algerians lost their lives in this shoddy affair.

>>76180683
>>76180726
>>76180799
>>76180832
just so everyone knows.

Frogs and ouiaboos BTFO lmao

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>>76180565
C-come on anon, I said a girl, not a goblin.
>>76180597
I see you're a man of fine taste as well. Paris is still very French I found, it just has a massive,gigantic cancerous tumor. Very different than how multicultural London is. French at its core, covered in shitskins
So yeah, not really a cancer patient, more like an morbidly obese person
>>76180683
...What are you doing ?

>>76180428
Well, he always seemed much angrier at us than at the Americans, and I was never sure why, I mean the Americans wanted to rule France like occupied Berlin after the war

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>>76180683
>>76180726
>>76180799
>>76180832
I thought France actually had an impressive military history though

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>>76180327

>>76180993
Well, as you can read, this is false.

>>76181308
How did we get away with it

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>>76180327
In Brigadier General S.L.A. Marshall's book, Men Against Fire: The Problem of Battle Command (1947), Marshall states that during World War II, 75% of soldiers did not fire their rifles, even under immediate threat, and most of them, when they actually fired, aimed above the enemy's head.

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>>76181493
(I know the video was of WWI not WWII I'm just making a point that in times of war, European brothers do not relish killing each other)

>>76181659
>European brothers do not relish killing each other
That's why we fought each others for two thousands years amirite

>>76182199
Hey feudal allegiances are serious business

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GOD IS AN ENGLISHMAN

>>76184557
Jésus est né en Provence
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZYYyi6yTkQ

>>76185304
Rather enjoyed this

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Music time https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLX4NYrW1bI

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>>76187572

>>76187963
basically they don't need cutlery (Bratwurstzange) for turning around their bratwurst

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>>76187572
saved that gigaronny pepe
>>76180329
tfw no british gf

>>76187572
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZAt-_gwvXY

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>>76189230
Imagine having fun like the guy at 3:00