/brit/

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Rasheed Wank,

Will you let me Wank your Willy? Ever since I have laid Willies on Cara, I have Wanked madly in love with her. I wish that she will be the Willy of my Willies and that someday we will Wank happily ever after. I have a Willy as a/an 'Sheed that pays $69 Lel each month. I promise to Wank Cara with kindness and respect.

Sincerely,
Wank Timothy James Byrne

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/6897il/im_about_to_turn_26_next_month_and_ive_just/

I enjoy long, bent walks on the beach, getting wanked in the rain and serendipitous encounters with willies. I really like piña coladas mixed with wee, and romantic, candle-lit fannies. I am well-read from Dr. Seuss to Pooey Lynx Lad. I travel frequently, especially to /brit/, when I am not busy with work. (I am a Janitor.) I am looking for Polish roommate and beauty in the form of a Paki goddess. She should have the physique of Maisie Williams and the poo of kentqt. I would prefer if she knew how to cook, clean, and wash my gimmicks. I know I’m not very attractive in my picture, but it was taken 1 days ago, and I have since become more poofy.

My solicitor said he's received police statements and a CCTV DVD in relation to my case and arrange an appointment

I don't understand why there's a CCTV DVD, maybe it has another meaning here?

>>36643020
They're savages

ey up lads

DO

NOT

REPLY

TO

IT


DO

NOT

REPLY

TO

IT

was just playing some Fifa
love Insigne

>>74214472
probably just you on cctv

creased up when i heard tim call kev a revolting looking person in his camera test

>>74214512
DON'T FUCKING REPLY TO IT

>>74214547
fuck off yank

>>74214456

Generally, yes. They admire wealth and want to know how to get some of their own.

But there are loads of people here who are mentally unstable due to harsh living conditions.

The shit people endure at tines here is nuts speaking from a western perspective.

>>74214560
fuck off paki

>>74214606
I'm not a paki
fuck off yank

FUCK OFF

>>74214272
just want to say, what a fantastic post

>>74214623
fuck off paki sympathiser

>>74214438
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Bill Wilson,

Will you let me file a flight plan with your agency? Ever since I have laid my hothead on BANE, I have crashed the plane madly in love with her. I wish that she will be the masked man of my hired guns and that someday we will raise the fire happily ever after. I have a CIA as a/an mercenary that pays $4U each month. I promise to ground BANE with kindness and respect.

Sincerely,
the plane crasher Dr. Pavel

mine didn't really work lol

>>74214671
I'm not a paki sympathiser either

fuck off yank

>>74214594
Is there kid napping danger? Do you speak Ethiopian?

Dear School Nurse:
Atheism James Byrne will not be attending school today. He/she has come down with a case of Heterosexuality and has horrible Poos and a/an Reddit fever. We have made an appointment with the 190kg Dr. Master Race, who studied for many years in Flat Spracklen House and has 42 degrees in pediatrics. He will send you all the information you need. Thank you!
Sincerely
Mrs. Kafkaesque.

>>74214440
>why didn't my 16 year old boyfriend know how my vagina works
ah yes women

>>74214688
fuck off paki replier

any plans for tonight lads?

https://twitter.com/cattocomunista_/status/858342991869751298
Haha

>>74214706
>pediatrics
fuck off yank

>>74214715
Going to my lads 18th birthday

haven't got a (you) in a fortnights time

what is aishas new twitter
is it no longer private
NEED new photos for the wank folder

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>>74214784

>>74214781
see >>74214729

>>74214697
There is danger of being kidnapped in certain regions towards eritrea and in the Ogaden region where there's been discovery of large oil reserves.

Google British kidnapping ethiopia. It was big news several years back.

But I've seen Chinese lads riding bicycles down the road in remote areas and there are Irish folks living in the mountains up north doing deforestation awareness, not to mention the odd 40 something white woman working for women's rights all over this continent

>>74214784
coalburner

>>74214769
coalburner

>>74214826
coalburner

>>74214729
christ how dense is she
https://twitter.com/cattocomunista_/status/858335819614085120
aisha, i know you're reading this, stop being dense

>>74214802
hmm
bit of a coincidence
you monitoring my posts after my communist roleplay sesh yesterday?

>>74214867
I wasn't browsing /brit/ yesterday

>>74214794
ugly

hate pakis, love pints

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NJZre-2QBE

doing a les claypool

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>>74214894

stop bullying Tim.

like cats

*bullies Tim*

I'm pickle rick!!!!!!

just rimmed myself

>>74214958
nobody's bully tim
just one guy keeps going "don't mess with me sunshine" on tims videos

it's been 6 weeks I can finally touch my ear again

>>74215029
alri

>>74214939
thats some serious p-funk influence there, but not bad.

Two Friends, both alike in dignity,
In fair This Plane, where we lay our scene,
From ancient CIA break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross`d Survivors take their life;
Whole misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their Hired Gun bury their parents` strife.
The fearful passage of their Masked love,
And the continuance of their parents` rage,
Which, but their children`s end, nought could Crashing,
Is now the Six hours` traffic of our stage;
The which if you with Extremely Painful Mask attend,
What here shall Pull That Off, our toil shall strive to mend.

>>74215004
not true
some cunt's sending him pizza

*rims a cat*

>>74215045
has it happened again?

>>74215045
it's his own fault for giving them the time of day in his videos
(and also for doxxing himself occasionally)

vet had to circumcise the cat

>>74215095

fuck off

>>74215083
>it's his fault for being mentally ill and paranoid

not being funny but I've got no time for people who "do" the london marathon over multiple days. Just seen a kid with cerebal palsy "complete" the "marathon" by walking it. Mate, fair play if you've got special needs and that but it doesn't fucking count, that's just walking 26 miles. Another lad has crawled it in a gorilla costume.

If Thersipus back in the day had turned up to Athens 6 days late to announce that Persia had been defeated at the battle of Marathon I doubt anyone would have made a note. It's not a fucking achievement.

>>74215152

eating a nature valley bar

>>74215083
don't get tim 2bh

by nearly all accounts he's a vulnerable person who should be looked after by the state except he sounds like a bank manage and can apparently look after himself . it's not evident in his any of videos or social media but his life hasn't fallen apart like you'd expect

It's either all an act or he has family/carers behind the scenes

reckon i would rim a lad if i ever had the chance

>>74215188
bender

>>74215142
>If Thersipus back in the day had turned up to Athens 6 days late to announce that Persia had been defeated at the battle of Marathon I doubt anyone would have made a note
what about if he lost a leg at the battle and hopped home 6 days later than expected?

hungry

>>74215183
bit gay

>mouyes

>>74215209
wouldn't bat an eyelid

>>74215159
Those things are way too thin for how tough they are. Not a fan

>nobody wished me luck
Very rude! ;_;

>>74215183
could never go near poo 2bh . might lick his cock though

>>74215239
alri cunt

>>74215220
both legs and an eye?

Have never seen my own anus

>>74215252
leathermeN

>>74215272
mong

*wishes that lad good luck*

>>74215245
that's fair play

>>74215259
take a picture and post it

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gonna be eating this very soon
will report back later

>>74215281
thanks

tell me about robin seplut

>>74215281
thanks

>>74215300
wanker

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>>74215287

>>74215310
cat fucker

>>74215314
why do you need luck

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oK7TYhqZMuE

>>74215373
dipshit

>>74215356
because fuck you thats why

>>74215288
need updates

>>74215252
me on the bottom

Ah yes, the so-called 'newgimmick'

>>74215257
saved ;]

>>74215363
kss kss kss kss

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>>74215366

>>74215420
fuck off

>>74215420
finally

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Stop believing in binary genders

>>74215419
cuck

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>>74215384
i didnt give permission

>>74215452
nonce

>>74215463
LOL

>>74215478
shithead

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stop believing in science

having a walk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbi6E8Medb4

shit gimmick

>>74215459
>>74215464
>>74215431
>>74215421
>>74215415
>>74215366
>>74215322
>>74215278
>>74215238
>>74215184
>>74215153
>>74215474
this gimmick is shit

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STOP IT

>>74215507
wrong

>>74215542

FINALLY

>>74215497
>>74215484
decent gimmick

The year is 2017, and /brit/`s Well Good Morning with Enfield is History.

In his continued efforts to outdo the Service Station of Enfield, His Majesty, King Thailad VIII, has invited some of the country`s most Cold Out Janitors to create for him a Gimmick fit for the most Rorkesque of all Custodians: himself.

Unfortunately, His Majesty`s Uncompensated Doormen are turning his once-Reddit kingdom into /brit/`s Pooiest Lynx Lad. In an act of desperation, Queen Aisha has convinced a/an Pakistani Dutch Concierge to Destroy her husband`s beloved country with a much-needed Shart. Only three things stand in the way of this happening: the Concierge`s easily offended Caretaker; a pair of Janitors who may not be who or what they seem; and the king himself.

Report all this and some Straight and Gay Yanks in our poleaboo.wordpress.com.

>>74215428
This fucking reminds me...

Just walked out of "The Lost City of Z" half way through

Never seen a hollywood film with such blatant propaganda. Every other line was about prejudice against brown people or the marginalization of women.

Cbf to google the lines but it was painfulky heavy handed.

>>74215578
DO ONE CUNTS

sunderland finally dead lads

>>74215623
good post

>>74215483
Deserved it for virgin walking

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stop checking them

>>74215639
AT LAST

>>74215560
dolph should have been a medieval swedish king or something.

>>74214512
How?

My crimes were digital

>>74215560
Dolph was born in the wrong decade. He would literally be a 10/10 model at that age if it weren't for the awful 80s haircut

>>74215720

My solicitor said he's received police statements and a CCTV DVD in relation to my case and arrange an appointment

I don't understand why there's a CCTV DVD, maybe it has another meaning here?

don't give a fuck what anyone says, Titanic is a great movie!

>"im an engineer!"
>doesnt have his p. eng

actually, sweetcheeks...

if one of the birds in my office tried this nonsense she'd be next on the menu
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYvZUDO9Ni0&feature=youtu.be

got served at a clothes shop by a VERY qt black girl before and can't stop thinking about her

my inner rorke is on suicide watch

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Buzzing for @anthonyfjoshua to do the business at Wembley! #blessed #stayhumble #TellMyManShutUp :fist emoji: :bicep emoji:

>"I'm an engineer"
>isn't chartered

umm sweetie... just... no... xxxx

>>74215790
I know a paki cunt that's a town planner, with a degree in town planning that claims he's an architect on Facebook

actually, sweetcheeks...

amer hussain just admitted to committing cybercrimes

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>>74215560
>this will never be you

fuaaark

Anyone else rage when they see trees and bushes get cut down?

My city has loads of spots on the side of the roads and pavements where stuff is just left to grow wild and it looks really cool. But now the trees are being torn up so it's just soulless patches of grass

Literally why?

>>74215847
Just couldn't be bothered typing "alleged" again

>>74215560
wonder which one has done more to help children get interested in science

>>74215863
bet he crushed a lot of pussy

Was borderline obsessed with this girl I saw in my uni class. Utterly gorgeous. Cutest giggle I've ever heard. Caught the oneitis HARD despite never even talking to het. She comes up to me the other day out of the blue and asks me if I want to come out with her and her friends at the weekend. I said no. Bloody hate having the 'tism.

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>>74215790
I'm brimming with p.eng senpai

>>74215867
Maintenance costs mostly. Grass is easy to maintain.

wish a lad would rim my tight pink hole

>amer hussein
>amer
>pronounced "ARRR MURRR"

hmmmmmm

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>>74215892

>>74215893
>When your 15 minutes of fame end after 11 minutes

>>74215923
E X E T E R
X
E
T
E
R

Sister threatened to reveal my gender dysphoria and is now doing facemasks with my other sisters while I look on

She's such a bitch

>>74215924
Ah-mur

>>74215914
You don't need to maintain anything though? It's just trees and bushes

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>>74215881
>wonder which one has done more to help children get interested in science

>>74215892
You're a fucking mong. I'm an absolute social retard but even I wouldn't fuck that up. Expire yourself

>>74215968
hook me up with your sister please

>>74215998
Don't reply to it

post high quality grime

>>74215980
ah yes, the bogger rorke

>>74215998
She wants to marry a paki (Muslim), or so she claims

>>74216029

https://youtu.be/CbnLIf-S5PY

>>74215966
coming to yours right now
I'm all yours all night

>>74215982
Probably will lmao

>>74215969
They'll eventually end up overgrown, and it will start spilling into the roadway or start cracking the tarmac (roots). Also it ends up usually filled with rubbish. Best solution would be well maintained and tended verges filled with greenery, but given that councils are strapped for cash it doesn't surprise me that it's the first thing to get cut in the budget

>>74216029
doesnt exist

UKHH>UK rap>grime

NEED a bitchy paki gf to have my bollocks in a vice

>>74216073
I'll put the anime figures away

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the senpai and I

would go communist if aisha let me put my willy in her

>>74216029
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9K23uzHjus

>>74216060
how does she compare to the smiling brum girl

>>74216144
is that aj tracey doing gunfingers behind gosbornes head?

>>74216144
How can mandem afford to shop in Waitrose?

thundering outside here in the south of thailand

>>74216089
Never seen anyone tend to them in my entire life and they never grow onto the pavement, the first metre is always just grass to stop that. Really hate it desu, makes everything look so yankish. We even had 2 massive roundabouts that were literally just forest in the middle, in the middle of a city. It was so cool

>>74216144
are these guys famous

Got no clue what exactly a "cash & carry" is

>>74216173
le first grime track meme

>>74216204
thats tescos you muppet

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me with the hand

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Neil here?

cheesy chips for din dins

>>74216181
There's not much variation in pakis

If they're good looking, they all look more or less the same

>>74216221
>Never seen anyone tend to them

They are extensively managed and maintained. You'll know when you see something that is genuinely overgrown/

>>74216248
bit gay

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>>74216144
>let me just put down my 3 beers

very hungry but don't have the energy to cook

>smellypoo has internalised society's racism

>>74216141
oh, turns out I have something to attend, can't make it, sorry x

>>74216243
Well then what the fuck is are george doing in tesco?

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*shakes fist*
BRRREEXXXXXXXXITTTTT

>>74216330
>white muslim
actually, sugarpie...

>>74216248
looks a bit like Dejan Lovren

>>74216218
sun is out though
hopefully it'll warm up a bit

>>74216327
sortin the lads some beers cos they forgot their id

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ah yes
the so-called north

early 00s garage was a million miles better than fucking grime

garage at least was original and unique and had origins in the UK rave/jungle scene without any major US rap influences (some yes, but not overwhelming)

grime is literally just london niggers imitating US niggers and almost nothing else

>>74216423
okay

New dj khaled choon

Ft bieber, quavo, chance the rapper, and lil weezy

>>74216423
okay

>>74216423
okay

>>74216373
What a good lad

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>>74216324
you will regret this, wench

>>74216423
Grime is a development of garage. The grime revival that we got starting in around 2014 is very heavily influenced by US hip hop/trap though admittedly
Early grime is very garage-y
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bMQTU2iI1E

>>74216423
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXJkLBj6G1k

>>74216465
>>74216480
okay

>>74216423
alri

>>74216600
I don't like you.

>>74216549
bit mean this

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Just a quicc thicc poast

>>74216567
Search for amyelrad on instagram lad

>>74216506
Don't call me a wench or I'll ram my thick cock down your throat

>>74216567
can you speak and write amharic?
COOL

>>74216567
blimey

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>>74216567

>>74216567
Could've done with this before my wank la... although looks shopped af

>>74216628
kim has really let herself go

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Why didn't anyone ever mention that emma watson had a fit ass

ALL THE FEDERALES SAY
WE COULD HAVE HAD HIM ANY DAY
WE ONLY LET HIM SLIP AWAY
OUT OF KINDNESS I SUPPOSE

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>>74216592

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>>74216590
Howling at her face with/without makeup

>>74216603
Conversant. Taking lessons.

there's a time and a place for pints...

in my hand and right now!!

need depictions of the prophet muhammad

>>74216692
dyou grow up speaking english then? is that common in rich bits?

>>74216665
lil kim?

>>74216718
I'm from nyc

>>74216706
hate pints anywhere outside house parties

>>74216738
the plot thickens...

graduated from the school of hard knocks

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>this is a 10/10 in yankland

yep, think I'll wank

my cock thickens...

>>74216754
gay

thoughts on the death penalty lads? (hint: there IS a wrong answer)

love me a good pint of strongbow cider

>>74216809
barbaric and glad it doesn't happen anymore in civilised countries

>>74216809
love pints

https://youtu.be/bBIubgsfK8E
>Australian culture

>>74216805
am i the only one who doesn't find that remotely attractive?

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>>74216857

>>74216868
in your country? yes
in the civilised world? no

>>74216868
No you complete idiot

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>>74216857
>Thought the tranny was the joke
>Then the wolololo abos come on

>>74216669
because we're not fibbers here

>fug
>cum
>balt + ausnz

these traitor generals shouldn't exist

>>74216805
Looks bad like that but imagine her bent over infront of you

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>>74216857
*Mashing sticks together and incoherent babbling intensifies*

wonder how many people actually think of transwomen as women and how many are just being polite

just bummed a lad

>>74217006
>everyone must be secretly a bigot like me!

>>74217030
yeah that's what I'm saying

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>>74216857

wish aliens would vapourise earth

mad to think that a slight variation in where you put your hand or foot at any point in the entirety of your life could have killed you
always prepared to shit myself and tap into adrenaline reserves when fumbling about in the dark

Craving some smoky bacon crisps

>>74217030
this is true m8

>>74217103
haram

>>74217078
what

checking the weather to help me decide what to wear tonight x

openly bigoted

hate pints
*sips on a sherry*

>>74217016
wish that lad were me x

>>74216857
gunfingers.jpg

Anyone know if Quick Draw is around?

>>74217223
you gay?

>>74216809
don't think a government should be able to kill its citizens in such fashion 2bh

don't care about the morality aspect (seen enough docus about death row suspects in the US to know they pretty much all are guilty and deserve to die) just the legality of it

police don't shoot suspects 20+ years after they've committed a specific crime

When you're walking next to me, feels just like it's make believe

>>74217188
what a time to be alive

Name: Barry "Pintman Baz" Howard
Age: 56
Occupation: prefer not to say
Likes: pints, footy, pub, pints, tarkovsky
Dislikes: end of footy season, when gunners lose, empty pints, last orders
Skills: Downing pints, wearing my heart on my sleeve, giving it some welly

Alri lads how do you do

>>74217246
fuck off phimo

>>74217169
7 years ago when you got up late at night to wee
if youd stepped funny on your way off the bed or walked into something it could have led to you breaking your neck
how have any of us made it to legal 4chan age without catastrophically ending ourselves

>>74217233
very gay

went a bit too far back on aishas twitter
dont think shes 18 in some of these
hmm

>>74217179
>white people ''''dancing''''

>>74216248
sauce me please

>>74217241
So your argument is that time makes a punishment less justifiable?

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>>74217254

>>74217277
disgusting

>>74217179
>this is how white people dance

>>74217277
bit gay

>>74217305
He's home

>>74217299
*sauces you with a look of disgust on my face the whole time*

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>>74217290
>>74217321
Now for da real ting man

>>74217275
>not using a chamberpot

>>74216354
i was thinkin it looks a bit like ur da

>>74217305
rude cunt

>>74217337
give me sauce to the webm please

brrrrr
very cold
brrrrr

Things I hate: marmite, cats, spiders, white people

>>74217358
NEED a black gf

she didnt like the film

>>74217290
>>74217299
She's quite clearly slav, not white

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>>74217417
Why, when you could have this

white people BTFO

Australia day?
I think you mean Invasion day...

Name: Pete Smith
Nickname: Pillhead Pete
Occupation: Part time DJ
Likes: Mandy, eccies, Red Stripe, Garage (the music kind not my mum's)
Dislikes: Avicii, topknots, shuffling, the criminal justice act of 1994 (fuck u john major free castlemorton)
Skills: decks, double dropping garies, gunfingering

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The only good thing from England

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>>74217439
>cumskin trying to lecture me about races

>>74217301
no. its that a govt-ordered execution of a citizen is never justifiable, but an on-the-spot police shooting is not the same as an execution

>>74217493
You're from one of the very few European countries where you're actually more likely to be a shitskin than me

nother goff choon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQDduSL15nQ

FUCK WHITE PEOPLE

>>74217583
>>74217583
>>74217583
>>74217583
>>74217583

irish subhuman

cheesy chips arrived

just finished hacksaw ridge. what a fucking load of cheese. fully stoke things from saving private ryan and band of brothers too. good action though.

6/10.

>>74217524
Well at least I'm actually European