/brit/

love having one or two pints every hour.

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the asexual bf

cheap alcohol gives the worst hangovers. drink premium stuff and you wont feel shit in the morning

absolute SICK of britishers showing up during real bruce hours and complaining about aussie posters

reminder that if you like friendly jordies you should jump off the west gate

pint sentiments: positive

wog sentiments: negative

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>>74164573
karelia

Fingered a bird who shat down me arm

hate one or two foreners every hour

>>74164318
>>74164395
had a similar situation once, had drank a lot and just couldn't do anything with this girl, eventually I just gave up

she was also a little self conscious, wanted the lights to be turned off. she was half black and had a beautiful thickness about her, only issue was the american accent

also I had fapped earlier that day so reckon I had no juice left in the tank

>>74164607
rorke

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found it haha

>>74164617
FONT

Have never once in my life let alcohol touch my tongue

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Not gonna lie, the pipes keep me grounded. They're comfy and authentic in a world that can be uncomfortable and inauthentic.

you need to be a mong to think your one vote can make a difference.

think my one vote can make a difference.

>>74164648
you cant say the same about cocks though lmao

>>74164635
Lmao

hesd feels weird. kind of dizzy and disassociated

hope the work day goes quickly

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just had a haircut

>>74164671
that i cant x

>>74164682
shit nigga you look fresh

>>74164624
that's just one of those situations you can't get shitty over. it was out of your control really. i was lucky in that i managed to get the girl keen before i committed to sinking piss too much and went off the deep end. you had wanked already and you were really drunk.

better luck next time m8

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doing a purchase

>>74164624
>also I had fapped earlier that day so reckon I had no juice left in the tank
i made the mistake of following the advice the guy gives in Theres Something About Mary about how to increase duration during sex when I was 15 and about to shag my first gf for the first time (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9p3j294sqM8) - but followed the advice like 10 minutes before coitus, not a few hours.
Worst bit is that I didnt explain what happened, I just let her think I was impotent.

*votes* There, that should make a difference.

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the wife

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>tfw had a dream I got spaced
>couldn't breath
>woke up gasping for air

Why the fuck would my body do this to me

love cocks and pints

Have to say thanks to Jordan for the meet yesterday was a brief chat but enjoyable. I am available today for a quick chat if someone can meet

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been sinking longneck fannies like there's no tomorrow lads

love pints and cocks

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>>74164696
squealing

that's one of those stories that is a great tell with the lads desu

Fuck the goo goo dolls they can suck my balls

wait, is there another bank holiday coming up?

pints on the house

>>74164691
yeah she was fine about it, said she understood and she'd experienced it before. would've messaged her to try again sometime but I was even more of a social mong then than I am now so I never did it and she's gone back to yankland. REALLY enjoy black qts and I let one of the few I come into contact with slip

>>74164696
>10 minutes
that's fucked ahahahahahaha

>>74164759
May day on Monday

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>>74164652
It's also pretty cool that I've made part of my daily routine something old school that a lot of people don't understand anymore.

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>that first sip of the night

>>74164759
who knows mate. let the fucking bankers worry about that. all I care about is seeing the bottom of my pint glass mate.

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>i post bradley walsh reaction pictures

>>74164714
yeah I was pretty lucky in this case, just sat together and walked to lectures for a while

still can't tell if she's into me or just likes talking though

>>74164786
Why would you rename an image to make it as though you had taken a pic mate

>>74164786
Enjoy the limp dick.

>>74164696
just realised the advice he gives is about feeling less anxious and not about increasing duration at all lol. oh well, was still a clever idea by 15 year old me. just didnt implement the plan well.

quick rundown on alcohol?

cheers

post is here...

It'd be a shame not to find a meet today, the young lad yesterday will tell you we had a good chat and nice time

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>>i post bradley walsh reaction pictures

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>who knows mate. let the fucking bankers worry about that. all I care about is seeing the bottom of my pint glass mate.

post may not come on sundays but the pints come every day lads

>>74164759
labor day/maharastra day on monday

>>74164808
always thought it was about duration as well
and thought it was russell brand telling him to do it

just had an absolutely dire shit
can go into detail if anybody wants x

>>74164840
>post

FOP

>>74164568
>making a thread in my honour

i appreciate the gesture but i drink alone in my dark room while shitposting on 4chan, i haven't attended a party since i was 16

yeah yeah politics is nice and all but id rather the the bottom of a nice cold pint

>making a thread in my honour

i appreciate the gesture... NOT!

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>>74164786

love having pints with foreners

>>74164855
We could arrange this?

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>>74164803

>>74164879
could we?

love pints
hate conference pears

>>74164889
no just kidding haha

>>74164838
squealing

>>74164809
been a part of human society for tens of thousands of years. has an important and symbolic position within virtually all cultures. has importance for the rich and influential in charge of everything but also is important for the lowest of the low. a double-edged sword that can easily turn on you if abused.

one more reason why I think muslims are external to humanity.

>>74164881
hooting

>>74164846
yes pls x

i pretend to like beer but i actually fake it so my friends will think i'm cool, and also because i'm an alcoholic who will take any drink he can get

could neck a pint right now

>>74164881
pattering

>posting about shit instead of pints
absolute STATE

>>74164881
who is this

>>74164881
screaming

literally something from a horror movie

>>74164919
alri
was going ok until i started wiping
little chunk of shit was stuck to my arse and when I went in for a wipe I smeared it all around me arse without realising

took about 20 minutes to get clean again ffs

>>74164809
> Beer
95% grain-water. Keeps you hydrated, doesn't get you too drunk, and makes you drowsy.
> Wine
The red stuff is good. Fruity and earth, sticks to your teeth, a lot of pretention around it but it all tastes mostly the same. The prefered drink of poshos and many of the homeless (ironically).
> Hard-liquor
Straight ethanol. You eventually forget the burn and it sort of grows on you. Best neat and at room temperature, although normies do a whole lot of shit to it that defeats the purpose of drinking 40% ethanol with distinct flavours.

>>74164889
Where are you living?

i could easily glass any cunt itt

>>74164881
pissing and shitting at this

some guy once said that home is where the heart is.

i guess my heart is at the bottom of a pint glass, because i'm always returning to it.

do not drink because its for plebs

smoke weed on occasion

what kind of fucking runtid doesnt actually like the taste of beer? its the most entry level alcohol

got that urgent feeling of needing a poo but its one of those deep bowel pressure feelings that makes me think its going to be a sloppy one. dont like it.

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>ethanol

got that urgent feeling of needing a poo but its one of those deep bowel pressure feelings that makes me think its going to be a sloppy one. like it.

>>74164970
rasheed

>>74164971
>its the most entry level alcohol
that'd be cider

>>74164972
i always get giddy when i sense a sizable sloppy shite brewing within

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>>74164838

got that urgent feeling of needing a pint but its one of those deep throat pressure feelings that makes me think its going to be a sloppy one. like it.

>>74164999
caterwauling

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>that first nang of the night

>>74164838
>>74165021
that's not fucken where's the gold

>>74164999
who is this

>>74164971
it tastes like fucking earwax

i mention this all the time but everyone i mention to says they don't know what earwax tastes like

liars, all of them

>>74165035
I don't partake in your working-class games x

got that urgent feeling of pissing and shitting at this but its one of those deep bowel pressure feelings that makes me think its going to be a sloppy one. dont like it.

>>74165057
the pokies have the highest ironic private schoolboy engagement except maybe horse/doggies m8

>>74165002
i've got like two australia tattoos jog on champ

>>74165070
who the hell is this runt

>>74165086
phimo

>>74165086
it's jordan knight. has phimosis and wears turtlenecks.

>>74165085
degenerate bogan

>>74165086
me mate you got something fucking say huh?

>>74165085
alri brickie

which is your favourite pokie?

far too many aussies in this thread

this has been a very banterous thread so far

some would say too banterous, and i would count myself among them

>>74165116
how the FUCK did you know i was a bricklayer lol or was that an educated guess

dont gamble work too hard for that

>>74165116
What mate?

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are there any Australians here today?

>>74165148
Poms need to fuck off
This is REAL /australianhours/

I have pics of myself with my pipes, but I don't want to post them because I don't want to identify myself on 4chan. I've gotta say, I look exceptionally good with them. Especially the straight pipes. I do look a bit sillier clenching the bent ones.

used to always piss when i shit

much less common to piss when i shit these times

>>74165138
there's only one bruce that posts on /brit/ lad

>>74165154
Right here habib

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nciZ8SKqG4U

>>74165143
you've posted pictures before of your tan and you were covered in tattoos m8 so it was an educated guess

>not enjoying a cheeky poke

m888888

>>74165169
i always shit when i piss

Always piss when I shit
Sometimes shit whilst standing up to piss, too

used to always shit when I piss

much less embarrassing at the urinal these times

>mathundred and ateyatethousand atehundred and atey ate

i sit down to piss (max /comfy/) so if there is even a gram of shit lined up it will come down no two ways about it

>>74165162
just do it mate, this is the graveyard shift - no one cares and I'm curious to see the man behind the mystery

might boot up the ol' vampire the masquerade bloodlines

i'm going to be a toreador this time, unless anyone has any objections?

>I do look a bit sillier clenching the bent ones.
doubt it

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>ywn hang with blokes, have some smokes, get on the pokes and get some free cokes

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This is me in the morning, basically.

if you don't take your pants completely off when you shit, you are nothing more than cattle watching the ground as you walk to the slaughterhouse

if you don't take your clothes completely off when you shit, you are nothing more than cattle watching the ground as you walk to the slaughterhouse

GENTLEMEN,
THIS IS

DEMOCRACY

MANIFEST

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>>74165180
fark true

pokies are honestly really dumb, australias got a big problem with gambling man but w/e

wankings better than the pokies

sos choccy milk

getting up and having energy

kissing girl

dog


pic related, the labourer, half man half animal

GET YOUR HAND OFF MY PENIS

i never thought i'd see the day when there were too many australians in /brit/, but here it is

some of you fuck off

>ywn be a brickie

>>74165227
> the man behind the mystery
Hahaha. Good one.

>>74165323
nah its only like 3 dedicated shitposters.

BO is a made up problem

>>74165277
have you had norco choccie milk m8?

it's fuckin frothing

>>74165339
there's literally only one lad

will be doing a wank in the shower alri?

>>74165325
isn't bricklaying a euphemism for doing a poo?

parking ticket formal appeal rejected. reckon they'll take me to court for £100?

>>74165340
> deodorant
Great way to eliminate pheromones and ensure perpetual virginity.

Body odour is a man's #1 tool in attracting a mate.

>>74165373
yes

>>74165382
>>74165340
some people fucking stink like shit though and should clearly use deoderant.

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>Body odour is a man's #1 tool in attracting a mate.

>>74165340
alri stinky pete hahaha waheyyy look everyone its stinky pete hahahahahaha stop stinking up the thread you smelly bastard hahahaha

having a laff >>>/fit/41234505

>>74165405
what makes you say yes?

>>74165430
local councils are proper jobsworths

>>74165410
if you stink, deodorant isn't going to make the difference. You need to bathe regularly. For those who already do it won't make you smell better, just different

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>>74165425

nothing gay about two male housemates sharing a shower

if i was rich i'd walk into coffee places and buy everyone there coffee and pastries.

>>74165425

the simple solution is to just never have sex

>>74165466
what a waste
most people in a coffee place will already have coffee

>>74165457
nice cup

>>74165457
*does a poo in it*

>>74165447
it's not a council. if it was council it wouldn't be £100. It's a private car park. I forgot to get a ticket in a free car park (FREE). I was gone 12 minutes and they gave me £100 fine

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She doesn't look too bad

>>74165425
>/fit/ - internet doctors

>>74165492

She somehow looks 8 years old and 30 and the same time

>>74165491
oh right, well don't quote me on this but I'm pretty sure private companies have no legal jurisdiction over you, they'll use scare tactics but you can ignore it

>>74165491
We literally had a discussion about this a couple of days ago

Here's a legal-aid article from Australia

http://www.legalaid.nsw.gov.au/publications/factsheets-and-resources/private-car-park-finespayment-notices

>tfw will never get to put my willy in a female unless it's a hooker.

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>4 days until work

>>74165491
they could but it's not worth their effort when they can just go after someone else who will pay up

>>74165455
Psuedoscience nonsense. You can eliminate body odor by having a healthy lifestyle and staying fit, you'll sweat but you wont stink. Body odour becomes more pungant when you don't sweat regularly, actually. Yes you can argue that using anti persperant is bad because it blocks your pores. But if you're one of those people that stinks when they sweat, and you have to sit on a bus or something, you owe it to everyone plug your pits

love pints
DESPISE litres

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Capricorn is the most powerful star sign.

have to go out in 2 hours. spent all morning worrying about it, bit of a wasted day

>>74165533
there's someone for everyone m8, no matter how fucked up, ugly, unemployed, and malodorous they are

love pints, hate pitchers

i die free

I need a Taurus girlfriend lads.

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lunch today

>>74165559
sweat doesn't stink badly enough to mask it. the stains just look unprofessional .

bad smells come from other poor hygiene factors mainly not washing or bathing

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friemds

>>74165612
Wait

Stephen?

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Capricorns are the bedrock of human civilisation. The rest of the star signs leech off of our success.

not as funny when a /brit/ poster looks normal

Canadians

>post 'power levels' for liquour
>post pipes
>post star signs

>>74165524
yeah your process is largely the same as ours. it looks like they will transfer me to a debt collection agency, who will double, then triple the debt, then they will take me to a small claims court for £300 debt, plus legal fees.

Gr8

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>>74165649
nah thats the german man

this pic is him on a cold day

>>74165650
Pices is the most beta

>>74165690
You can argue that they're overcharging

Alejandro's, uh, prepared a delightful menu for us: Chilli and sea bass, I believe.

Aussies

>can't handle straight bourbon
>post repetitive memes
>have phimosis

What you lads think the new board being created should be called?

might message an older geezer later to see if he wants to fuck my arsehole lads

>>74165750
isnt repetition the point of memes

Anyone got that tradie wojak holding his back in the worksafe building
deleted mine but it would be v. useful with these brickie plebs itt

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I'm cancer star sign.

>>74165774
Don't bother trying to talk to a Canadian m8

>>74165706
yeah I did that in the informal and formal appeal. it says right on their site that there has not been a single case they have lost on that basis since a case two years ago where a man argued the charge was not an accurate pre estimate of loss. it went all the way to the high court and they won. the small claims system has also been stramlined so they use it more often, it's just paperwork so no man hours unless there's a hearing. also read that if both your appeals are rejected, it emboldens them to take you to court because an independent body already ruled in their favor.

i'm livid. cant afford it, and i'd pay if the fine was reasonable. £10-£20, that's what it would have been at a council car park.

>>74165751
/brit/

>>74165760
Hello I'm available today

>>74165751
/get/

It should be dedicated to getting gets

Miss working on site with the lads.

Now I'm a miserable uni runt.

>>74165814
>>74165803
Cringe worthy cunts that /pol/ are they're all asking it be called /kek/. Fucking mongs

>>74165810
you gotta be like over 36 though with fat and be hairy

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Oh wow look a Canadian post lol

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>>74165838
I am almost double that age, I'm at this location

mentioned one of the prospective /gf2017/'s friends was cute in a photo with her and now she's suddenly in the mood for dirty talk and skyping
wonderful

bet im older than you runts

im 23

>>74165909
i'm 23 and a half

>>74165909
im 42

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The future wife.

>>74165909
born 1999 here
shan't say the month

im 19 yr 7 months old

>>74165909
25 here.

I'm 18 today. Never been here before. What's it like?

January 1996.

fucking children in this thread

>>74165799
Well sounds like you've done your research mate, shame to hear.

>>74165909
36 with a fat hairy belly

>>74165958
awful

>go on /his/
>say that there has never been an atheist civilisation
>never get any replies
its like they're afraid of something lol

>>74165864
hot. if it wasnt so far id sit on that dick

>>74165895
I don't really like dirty talk

>>74165849
britishers shocked

making some cauliflower pasta cheese bake x

oh no what did i do to the thread

>>74165995
knock it up a notch buy doing 50:50 brocc and cauli

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>>74165994
Greedy Britishers never understand deep philosophy of Baharat!

>>74165993
reckon she can sense my autism when i try to do it but i quite like hearing it
helps the imagination

>>74166040
>buy
*by

>>74166040
but i like cauliflower, it's like a tiny tree
i have broccoli but dont feel like using it x

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Hmmm...

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youre in the club and this guy slaps ur girl on the arse. what do you do?

>>74165799
citizens advice bureau might be able to give you a hand. there's also an MSE article about fines:

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/reclaim/private-parking-tickets
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/parking-tickets/appealing-parking-tickets/when-to-appeal-a-parking-ticket/

>>74166092
Steal his rock.

kill all straight white men

dont want to get married because of all the legal bullshit that happens if you divorce and being forced to give over money sometimes. fuck that.

but now i've learned all that still applies even if you just have a long-term partner who lives with you.

just going to stay alone forever i think lads

Might alleviate my long-felt lack of gf by having a wank

>>74166146
would never get married unless it was to a submissive religious girl

>nah mate blacks don't have bigger cocks
>Asians have small tiny cocks!
How does rorke reconcile this?

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Every political angle turns genocidal when you take it far enough.

> people who aren't like us
REEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>74166181
reckon you need to stop thinking of cocks so much mate.

>>74166181
literally the only ones who care about bbc are rorkes

>>74166190
En wa

>>74166222
on wee

>>74166190
(memearrow)(redditspace)(text)
A VERY Canadian post this

normies don't know about the racial dynamic to the cuck meme. They think it started with trump calling the gop conservacucks

>>74166181
get your mind out of the gutter! you've got cocks on the brain!

djdjerkdkaht
(just got a big black cock in my brain)

>>74166248
that's one of the funniest aspects imo
it all started with /pol/lets insecure over their tiny willies contrasted with the bbc they wank over all the time

>rorkes cannot explain themselves
Typical.

Ah yes, it's a 12 hour shift for the paki reeeeeeeing about rorkes

redpill me on redditspacing

Girls don't all like big willies anyway. Only the whores do

I think it was Einstein who said something along the lines of "you can't reason someone out of something they haven't reasoned themselves into". Basically, people who don't think can't think about why they think what they think, because they weren't thinking when they thought that to begin with. Runts.

>>74166181
literally saw a post the other day saying that blacks have bigger cocks than whites flaccid, but are equal erect

the WEWUZing was great

>>74166326
Bait

>>74166326
bit like how some blokes say they dont like big tits
liars the lot

honestly they need to permaban the greek german
he ruins every fucking thread

>>74166313
think people are just ignoring him now. which is good. he can take his autistic screechings elsewhere

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MY SEX JUNK IS
SO OH OH OH
MUCH MORE THAN
EITHER OR OR OR

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listening to a jazz playlist on spotify

>>74166348
he was contained in /balt/+/ausnz/ for a few months a while ago
has he escaped

I am Greek.

Gib back Constantinopolis. Britishers and Frogs betrayed their Christian brothers, just like they did in the Crusades.

Love masturbating to ugly/plain chubby girls. The fact that they're so slutty and they're the best I could get does it for me

>>74166404
same, I like a bit of variety

>>74166388
dont like /balt/
lithuanian poster had the cheek to tell me to get out of "their" thread

>>74166404
Think I've been cursed just in the last year when it comes to women

>>74166461
left when the russian became a regular fixture and they started roleplaying as lesbians and shit 2bh
quite a while ago now

Jazz is the only art form that expresses the deep confusion I'm experiencing at this stage in my life.

my neck hurts

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alri

>>74166481
they're a bit esoteric for my taste

>>74166515
didnt know you lads had plain packaging as well

>>74166481
i dont know what it is but theres no animecunts
the weebs ruin /éire/ and /balt ausnz/

just had a wank didn't I

>>74166515
very feminine hands you got there lad

>>74166515
ooooh gimme a wank darling

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>"hey anon, what are you listening to?"
>*take headphones out of my phone*
>"this is elevator music, anon"
> Just keep listening...
>*a few minutes later*
>"It doesn't go anywhere, anon"
>Exactly.
The beauty of Jazz.

>>74166515
>sex pistols mug
cool dude :)

what is worse for my friday night?:

go pictures alone
sit in pub alone

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That's jazz. Moody, artful, meandering.

Can't figure it out, man.

Bip bop zoopity zip!

now im in the closet

>>74166685
pub is worse

>>74166685
i was in a pub alone last week because my friend was running an hour late
Felt like a bellend sitting there by myself

>>74166685
concealed booze at the movies

>>74166685
find it too humiliating hiring a hooker to bypass the no-singles policy, the ticketman always gives that look to show he knows.

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what kind of pathetic cunt goes to the cinema alone HAHAHAHAHA

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Really miss smoking desulads

>paying for media
>paying to destroy your liver

>>74166751
i'd honestly rather pirate the movie and just stay in alone

>hurr drinking destroys your liver i don't want none of that evil alcohol
Grow a pair

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This is a jazz piece I wrote when I was a very confused single young man out in a vicious world that ran on dollars and broken dreams. I call it "untitled". *plays various blues scales for an hour*

conference pair

seatbelts are for people who have time to die

Moved out of my mum's house yesterday, bit scary

Moved in with this fit MILF after she kicked her loser son out. Ride her all day long

uhh... talking ... apple

>>74166847
Have you gotten into Jazz yet. It's the sort of thing you listen to as a single young man in a confused, cold world. It's just sort of notes and chords and bits that make sense, but mostly bits that don't. It lets people know your deep, but the depth is cold and difficult to figure out.

kicked my son out the house yesterday so i could get some Big British Cock

>>74166905

I have spent $2150 this year

$560 of that was on transport
$390 of that was on food and drink
$340 on misc paypal stuff
$860 on haircuts, clothes, ATM withdrawals, etc

>>74165604
>how will I murder all the jews today?
the road to hell, anon.