/brit/

doop

doop

egg

You're either a runt or a grandad if you watch TV except for sports, whether it's free or not

Imagine being some bogan cunt who pays for Foxtel

Reckon I need to stick my big English cock in some qt aussie girl

rorkes? not a fan

>>74163118
this

coalition of chaos

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RFwyobtnKA

>>74163086
why are you spykidsposting while I'm watching this on tv, awfully suspicious

stop monitoring me

violence in war movies stays true to the narrative and actually makes war more real instead of like some grand adventure

saving private ryan is a good example of the sheer violence almost serving as an anti war aspect

i'm not some sort of peacenik mind you but by realistically portraying the violence it provides a more substantial message and a better picture of what soldiers actually experience

>>74163118
>not watching tv

runtsheed

>>74163136
Have you been espousing leftwing ideas on /brit/ recently
Police are known to monitor people who do that

conference pear

>>74163120
>girl
stopped reading right there

why are you spykidsposting while I'm watching this on tv, awfully suspicious

stop monitoring me

>>74163118
strewth

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at work

gdp grew at the same rate as this time last year

didn't stop the grauniad having a spazz over it

negotiation mango

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>>74163156
So you read all of it?

*baracks and harasses you*

>>74163145
So either

A) you watch 5 minutes of ads for every 15 minutes of actual TV
B) you pay for something anyone can easily get for free, and it STILL has ads

>>74163178
thats the joke

discussion apple

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>FyreFestival
>Rich liberals paying up to $12,000 to get culturally ENRICHED

symposium satsuma

>>74163142
war was less violent than pictured in films mate. most soldiers saw little action compared to the amount of time they spent off duty or just sitting around. most soldiers also willingly chose to shoot above the enemies heads because they didnt want to kill another man in the same position as them.

>>74163154
absolutely crease when I think of that runt

actually believed local police have the resources to monitor his /brit/ posts 24/7 and all because he called one of them bourgeois

>>74163208
so you read all of it

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>watching telly

conversation banana

interested in this fuit based corporate-lingo meme

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The pipe.

About to sit down to watch this 2-hour movie lads

Should only take me 3 hours if you include the ads haha

>not watching tv

hello sheedtard

top economic growth numbers la

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telly is for losers like you lot, I prefer books haha

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>>74163154
>>74163235
christ dont make me remember

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Better pay 10 quid for the extra movie cuz FUCK TV's LMAO.

Not watching TV is a sign of sheedtardery

I just turned on tv and saw spy kids was on, thought I'd watch it for a laugh because I'm a shutin and have nothing to do friday nights

what's wrong with that

>>74163296
The fuck you on about paying 10 for a movie?

Paying who? Paying for what?

still LIVID that some cunt mugged me off for drinking bourbon and cokes

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>things not on my face: a fanny

just mugged off a kangaroo fucker on bourbon and coke

>>74163326
you're the cunt if you're mixing bourbon you gay insect

>>74163302
This image made me erect because I am a heterosexual man with yellow fever and biological females with oriental phenotypes barely dressed entices my sexual desire to breed with a women of that race.

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>Bourbon and coke please!

(Yes I know he actually says Bacardi fuck off)

>>74163232
depends what war really

>>74163347

TOUGH CUNTS drink it over here

blokes with criminal records and gambling addictions

>>74163232
>most soldiers saw little action compared to the amount of time they spent off duty or just sitting around.

of course they did but then you had things like the normandy landings


>most soldiers also willingly chose to shoot above the enemies heads because they didnt want to kill another man in the same position as them.

patently false
you're in a kill or be killed position you're not going to intentionally miss or just try to pin your enemy into some sort of stalemate or allow him to retreat where he could regroup and launch a new attack

>>74163381
>in aus homosexuals are TOUGH CUNTS
reckon the sun is getting you boys, over here tough cunts aren't gay

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Fuck's sake she sounds like such a runt

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With the so-called colleagues

Can't believe how many runts I have to work with

Went for a quick shit. Instead it turns out to be one of those that takes 30 mins

https://www.reddit.com/r/CatTaps/comments/67wdlq/nice_beard/

anime is really fucking gay Tbqh lads

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>say communism is the reason uni students are the way they are
>get yelled at for being wrong
hmm

>>74163408
i like to imagine what that would look like if it was a lads bio

150% runtoid

>>74163408
Wouldn't bother, 99% guaranteed her inbox is already full

>>74163403

bet ya wouldnt say that these blokes faces

>>74163410
absolute runts, the lot of them

>>74163213
howling at the shitshow rn

>>74163410
you 4th from the left I assume?

All these unemployed British youth

Disgusting

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When I go to bars I alternate between gin and lemon iced tea (1 parts gin, 7 parts brisk) and budlight. They're the only things I can drink on a night out.

>>74163408
She sounds like an interesting person.

>mfw majority of girls profiles are like this on dating sites

Do they not have any hobbies?
>>74163427
It's the female equivalent of saying
>I like watching footie with my mates and playing fifa

>>74163410
me in the back

>>74163410
The chick on the far right looks fine, the anon posting is obviously the manlet

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>Bourbon and coke was it sweetheart?

I'm a zany, eccentric and maybe even outlandish boy once you get to know me.

>>74163457
oh sorry, just grab me a job from the job-fridge while you're in the kitchen

cheers

>>74163410
The women are all munters

>>74163467
even footy and fifa is more interesting than that though

>>74163493
i'm witty, nihilistic, and have a wicked sense of humour

>>74163498
I've unironically had sex with one of them

ummm maybe cool with the homophobia sweetie?

>>74163478
good post

>>74163493
get this tough cunt a bourbon and coke

>>74163389
war is geared around suppression and forcing the enemy to retreat, not blind murder. massacres are rare. war is significantly more boring than your films mate.

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these are the types of bloke that drink bourbon and coke

the type thats been glassing cunts since they were in year three

>>74163507
Mate you don't know what football lads are like, it's literally all they fucking talk about.

>>74163467
>Do they not have any hobbies?
literally no

> watch vlog by really attractive and intelligent female
> "marriage? I want to marry an outlandish guy. The type of guy most women don't consider,"
> *there's a chance*
> "Someone exciting with an interesting job."
This is why I hate women. They say they're into weirdos, but then they want someone "exciting". I'm not fucking James Bond, bitch.

>alright mate what's this game about kicking a ball called?
>YE WE CALL THAT ONE FOOT BALL
>right, and the one with bases?
>YE THAT'S BASE BALL
>and the one with baskets?
>HAHA YE THAT'S BASKET BALL

Imagination

>>74163548
*kisses you*

that's right sweetie, you're a big tough man!

now turn over, I'm taking you up the shitpipe again

>chance at some well paying work next week
>it's an hour and half+ drive away

The money is good but fuck I don't want to have to get up at 5

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>>74163494
*hands you this*

>>74163548
tramps and queers?

>>74163521
which one?

11>1>POWERGAP>9>6>2>8>5

>>74163569
reddit spacing but truth
no women want anybody more than 1 standard deviation away from the average

>>74163521

which one lmao. can only be far right

>>74163569
Meanwhile they're a recruitment consultant

big willy stylie

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the nonce has replied to me again

>>74163529
i'm aware that it's 95% sitting around and of course massacres are rare and it's not blind murder to kill someone who is trying to kill you as was the case in most wwii battles

>>74163612
>he's a grumpy neet
well colour me suprised

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good thread last night, tbf

>>74163549
but that's something to talk about

her bio is literally just "go clubbing and go to parties", there's no substance to that

>>74163548
me, far right half out of frame, coming in to punch the fuck out of your dad

>>74163086
This general is complete fucking cancer.
Kindly fuck off and die.

>>74163410
far right would get it
lady with the scarf has an eccntric art teacher vibe that makes me diamonds for some reason so she would too
bloke in the gray longsleeve shirt looks scottish, dunno why he just does

>>74163529
it doesnt matter if you spend 99% of the time sitting around waiting for orders, the other 1% of the time will really fuck you up

especially in WW1 with the never ending threat of death from artillery, and everyone else

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not gonna argue anymore with cunts that know fuck all about drinking culture here

>when a girl describes herself as 'loyal'

>>74163598
>>74163600
Second from the left

>>74163590
>Jew's ear
someone plz confirm this. do you guys really call the black jelly fungus Jew's ear?

>>74163640
If /brit/ was a band; the first album was good, the second album was better, then they put out utter dogshit because they got complacent for about 3 albums, and now after the band had a crisis (the drummer died) we come back even better with a great sound but still true to our roots. We'll never be what we were, but were alright for what we are, I guess.

>>74163648

havent you got some anime pics to post or something

fuck off 'ce

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When keepin' it narcissistic goes wrong

>>74163692
means she had the opportunity to cheat on a past bf but decided it was too risky and feels really proud of herself for it

Bent double, like old beggars over sacks
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags we cursed through sludge

>>74163700
had a feeling it was her

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was looking for /pol/ meetup pictures but found this

oh shit, I'm sorry

>>74163714
where was that?

one bourbon and cock please

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>>74163710

>>74163641
True

>>74163647

*teleports behind you*
pshhh....nothin personnel cunt
*glasses you*
yeah and fuckin stay out of dubbo ya maggot

>>74163738
did the man hit the other man?

>>74163741
You sound a tad jealous, virg

>>74163759
Get some fucking hobbies then, not difficult

>>74163752
JANNY, BAN THIS ANTI-SEMITE FUCKHEAD

>>74163759
they should've pushed you to do the ones you showed an aptitude for

wish my parents did that but they just did what yours did

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>>74163752
Thanks, i'm somewhat shocked

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>>74163798
*revs oven*

I quite honestly don't even know what to say to a girl who looks like she's just looking for sex, wouldn't know where to start

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>>74163759
>tfw dad tried to get you into sunday league when you were a lad
>wanted to stay home and play battlefront 2 instead

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>>74163759
>have hobbies
>shite at all of them

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In Canada, cosmos are considered a hard man's drink.

>>74163759
Get a motorbike

>>74163830
Pretty sure all Canadians love a hard man's drink if you know what I mean

>>74163793
? all I said was I thought it would be her
you a little sensitive la?

>>74163711
Canadian tier post

>>74163686
have you ever hung out with these people?

because they're fucked
>>74163718
gas, GAS

>>74163826
Worst kind of son.

I despised my dad at the time for refusing me more time on games but I'm very glad he did now I look back.

>>74163870

eh fuck it, why not

>>74163759
my hobbies were mountain biking, lurking the internet

now they are kickboxing and lurking the internet

>>74163874
same. developed a conscience about pissing hours away on vidya as a result. my biggest loser m8s are the ones who were allowed to play as much as they liked.

>>74163854
Her tits were PATHETIC and her vagina smelled quite bad but she was so keen and rode me a good'un. Think she did horse riding when she was young or something.

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>tfw aged 24 and just about to graduate from an ex-poly university with a degree I have no interest in using, no friendships or memories from my time there and still a virgin

is drinking a hobby?

usually get a gin and tonic

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buy a motorcycle

>>74163927
Thighs too thin

girls like me but im still a virgin

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>>74163924
feel sick

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>Most of the governments of EU countries are supporting banning the burka now, no matter how cucked their governments are in other regards

>to even suggest that in Britain gets you called a BNP skinhead Nazi

why is this country obsessed with wrapping up rasheedas in carpet ninja cloaks and making our steeets look like Islamabad

Bartender: what can I get ya mate?
Aussie: I'll have some bourbon
Bartender: right you are, one bourbon coming up
Aussie: w-wait, could put some coke in it?
Bartender: on second thought mate I'm gonna need to see some ID
*Aussie hands over his passport*
Bartender: hmmm says here you're a male. Who'd have thunk it eh?

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>tfw no extra-terrestrial xirlfriend

>>74163924
grim beyond belief

>>74163960
same except I'm not a virgin

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>tfw extra-terrestrial xirlfriend

Remember when I was about 8

Led in bed crying because I wasn't the best at anything

Me the young psycho

>>74163962
Fuck Islam, but people should be able to wear whatever they want. As long as you're on public property anyway. You're chipping away your own freedoms advocating this kind of stuff.

>>74163931
And you use facebook frog as well, sad

>>74163899
not lurking if you post. hint hint.

>>74163989
reeee

>>74163948
Motorbikes are shit mate

>>74163862

lel yeah you can almost guarantee they'll have :

>got done for drink driving
>a barely manageable addiction (ice, gambling, weed lmao)
>tried to kill themselves
>fucked multiple bushpigs (and probably a bloke at some point)
>a terrible relationship with their dad
-dropped 3 grand on a tv even though they're broke

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>>74163948
Can't be sad when you can go real fast

Tbf pic related is ded but yeah

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me and the gf

Imagine being addicted to ice

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'ere, wanna go on muh cunt?

>>74164000
GERMANY of all places is banning the Burka now

even the cuckiest of Europe are realising that Islamic cultural wear should not be blatantly commonplace in Europe

I can see that pear shaped body through her clothes too

and you brits always have that cellulite skin lacking definition, she'd have those fat sats out front I reckon

>>74164015
fuck off

>>74163931
>no friendships

How do you even manage that? Universities are such a large collection of people in the same boat. Even the biggest losers I knew of when I went to uni had friends because all the losers just stuck together.

Review of My First Sexual Encounter

Her age: 29. She was probably going through a mid-life crisis and was using me to feel like she could still be young again.
Her appearance: Dressed somewhat slutty, but not like a stripper. Well proportioned face, slightly overweight, medium height (for a woman), bit of cleavage.
Clothes off: What you'd expect from a slightly overweight 29 y/o woman.
Was she good in bed?: I got hard, I stayed hard, and we fucked for a solid 5 minutes. Owing to her experience, she knew exactly what to do to my cock to heat it up or cool it down. Was not disappointed.

Final score: 67/100

If you have the opportunity, I'd recommend it. Aging women need love too.

>>74163975
wil lthe first time always be awkward.
im scared

not replying

>>74164051
english women are so deformed and flabby- poor diet and lack of sun exposure, many such cases

Sad

girls don't like me and im still a virgin

>>74164043

is this that chav slag babestation noises twat gets really upset about when you mock her?

>>74164000
first sensible thing the nonce has ever said tbph

>on a date
>say your english is really good
>she says shes lived in england since she was 6
what the fuck is wrong with me

>solid 5 minutes
wew

>>74164046
I don't care what Germany does, I want the UK to be more free than it is, not less. We can do away with those shitty hate speech laws whilst we're at it.

jesus I'm watching the footy and they got a disabled person to do the coin toss from a wheelchair

she couldn't even use her hands, the umpire sort of when "when you're ready" and she dropped it under the chair so she had to move backwards for him to read it

who allowed this to happen

>>74164024
kek

>>74164067
not necessarily, if you're confident you should be fine

mine was pretty much like most of the subsequent encounters except some small differences, like better control, and coordination.

>>74164080
Nothing. She probably thought nothing of it and if she did take offense then she's a sensitive cunt and youre better off.

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feel ill

>>74164077

just be yourself dude

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>solid 5 minutes

just fucked the footy over by getting a girl in a wheelchair to flip the coin haha loving being rich

>>74164051
>>74163924

>>74164059
my uni had a wide-spread get in get out sentiment

>>74164092

should be happy ya sister got that opportunity lad

>>74164113
i dont like meself so why should anyone else tbf

BBC News online is so fucking clickbaity.

>You won't BELIEVE what Donald Trump just said about gay people!

>>74163924
absolute state of your life

>>74164092
Unaccepting bigots will NOT be tolerated in MY /brit/
She is BRAVE and STRONG

>>74164143
I don't like myself but that didn't stop the ex-gf form liking me

some people just have lower standards for likeability

never lasted less than 20 minutes
would feel unbelievably embarrassed if I came in 5 minutes

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Feeling well

>>74164092
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTLgeMqjKAs

what's an acceptable length of time to fuck
t. virgo

>>74164175
More than 5 minutes at the least

t. libra

>>74164109
thanks mate needed that

>>74164175
a good 2 hours

>>74164175
are we just talking about benis in bagina or are we including foreplay

(your height-her height)x8 minutes

>>74164175
10-20 minutes is fine

40 minutes pus gets really boring and less than that the girl will be wondering why she bothered

>>74164174
>blocked from displaying on this website
ah yes
like that they immediately forgot about him and excluded him from the circle afterwards

>>74164166
ye well bit fucked now arent i

>>74164175
probably like 20 minutes to 60 minutes

t. capricorn

After five minutes of shagging I start getting tired and the girl usually starts looking like she's losing interest.

Might just be because my willy's small though haha

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>>74164201

>>74164174
she must've had cerebral palsy or something, took her ages to flip it, was worse than that

I can't last long while wanking
very depressing situation

Aussie "banter" really is fucking awful

>>74164208
White #18 shook his hand at least (video cuts off before but i remember it)

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>After five minutes of shagging I start getting tired

>>74164135
yeah

all my pals I made at school

met no one at uni

>>74164208
was thinking the same thing, bet those darkies hate bush

>>74164231
>spend an hour edging
>finally cum
>it was shit
>realise you've just wasted an hour

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Listening to ambient tunes while the rainy season sets in. Gonna be a comfy winter.

>tfw last girl i fucked went for nearly two hours
>she's just asking me what she can do to make me cum and i'm just smashing her constantly

felt really bad desu don't want to make a girl feel like she regrets fucking me

>>74163759
>dad gave me all sorts of career options (specifically asked if you need training)
>i chose the dullest one(minus commerce)

>>74164213
do some exercise you emaciated runtoid

>>74164255
have the same experiences
dont know where this edging meme comes from

>British Banter

>*BRAAAAAAAAAAAP*
>OOH ME BOLLOCKS, GIVE ME A GOOD SMASH
> 'G 'D 'O 'E 'S 'S, 'E 'T 'G?

>>74164210
go for the depressed and moody angle
might work if you aint a tubby mong

>>74164265
stop watching weird porn

I remember I once shagged for nearly an hour and when I finally came I almost passed out it was so powerful

>>74164292
this didn't happen

>>74163989
a guy on /x/ had

>>74164265
yeah do this too
feels bad, reckon the ideal is 30 minutes of willy in fanny and then whatever length of foreplay you feel is appropriate

>>74164289
i aint fat
currently doing that angle but i reckon it just puts anyone off from talking to me lmfao

>>74164265
fucks sake, that's grim

>>74164288
sounds like a laugh tbf

>>74164291
i don't, i was just a bit drunk and never experience whisky dick but just take ages to cum. iirc i hadnt even wanked for like 2 days prior, it was just a bit too much alcohol.

not my fault she came after 20 minutes though

>>74164307
had what cunt?

completely incapable of holding a conversation longer than a few minutes if i dont go into it with some questions or topic

>>74164255
>>74164287
its great for me, way better than normal cums

>>74164318
Those bourbon and cokes really take a lot out of the male vitality.

>>74164241
they lets the memes about them having a great sense of humour go to their heads.

they're unfunny annoying thin skinned creeps

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new gimmick: determine /brit/ posting based on the virgo horoscope

>>74164305
obviously I didn't literally almost pass out you idiot, I was just emphasising how good it was when I finally blew

completely incapable of willy in fanny

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>Anthony Joshua has a tattoo of Africa with the words "Wisdom" above it

Oh I am laffin

Put £25 on Klitschko win by KO

>>74164288
'netto

>>74164345
none of it happened, stop lying. no one is impressed

>>74164318
>drunk
fair one, happens to the best of us lad

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Who won the derby last night? Cbf to duckduckgo it

don't like fannies

Post below me has swallowed my semen on 4 occasions and will be seeing me on Sunday

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>>74164343
>get together with one or two people who know you inside and out and talk about it
haha alri ill just go call them up

>>74164366
kafkaesque

>>74164323
some nice alien lady lied beside him every night. he asked /x/ for advices and they told him to lie naked. he listened to their advices and it worked and she got impressed but after that he was never heard

>>74164361
I lied when I told your mum I had a condom on

>>74164313
gotta find the right crowd

normie girls in a normie bar take note of lads with positive body language i.e. not you

>>74164317
yeah had a laugh about it after with her but she told her friend that it was a bit of a put off having me last so long. i get the impression she's a bit self conscious (had to fuck with lights off even though she's cute and got a really good body) so she probably took it the wrong way even though i was so chuffed when i was fucking her and she knows it.

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I'm a Capricorn. Any other Billygoats in here?

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>Klitschko
>KO

>>74164388
i.e. me

fucking hilarious outing all the billy bullshitters on /brit/. they start sperging out.

voddy or whisky lads?

>>74163086
That moment fucking traumatised me as a kid

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scorpio desu

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>>74164398
>tfw virgo

>>74164417
voddy (mixed)

I have completely given up politics. Instead I am writing the obituary of the country. Do what you like. Nothing will come of it.

>>74164408

don't know who this is

could be datelad

>>74164339
it was a combo night of canadian club, jack daniels and biff syrup desu

the willy was doing an outstanding job even reaching 60% erect which is what i was giving her for like 70% of it hahahaha

>>74164445

>>74164445
>>74164445
No one cares. You're an unimpressive and uninteresting dribble of shit

>>74164447
its me, phimo turtlemong date lad

had sex once would probably do it again if i had the chance

a glass of wild turkey contains as much alcohol as a 6 pack of beer so what's the point of beer?

>>74164417

bourbon (coke)

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>>74164313
I've been in a mellow mood for the past few months and a girl from one of my courses has been literally inviting herself over at times and we talk for two hours or so (we live in the same student housing area)

have no idea how to approach her for hanky panky though ha

>>74164364
still sucks. i'm not someone who likes to disappoint so if i find out a girl regrets it, i feel really bad and like i've let them down

>>74164483
>this

Fucking state of the ozzies ITT.

Roll on the aft when all these cunts are in bed

Hard-liquor Power Ranking:
> Powerful-tier:
> - Whisky
> - Rum

> Alright-tier:
> - Brandy
> - Gin

> Shit-tier:
> Vodka
> Everything else

love fannies
hate bints

>>74164481

hello jordy

>>74164483
Easier to modulate how drunk you are.

>>74164508
I'd except a Canadian to make this kind of fucking post

how do I be more edgy

>>74164483
for spread out drinking

I like to have beer over a 6 hour period in the evening, it's better to have a pint or two evey hour

anyone got the comic with wojak and pepe going through the B.E Yourself stuff haha would like to see it cheers

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>>74164495
Yeah you need to sort that out too. sounds like performance anxiety. Find your relaxed self.

vodka tastes vile but it doesnt stop me from necking it en masse

>>74164519
modulate my fist as it vaporises your jaw mate

>>74164528
love pints

>>74164489

>>74164519
i disagree

i also find that beer causes hangovers while spirits don't

a gin man me

sky news australia is the only good news channel in australia

Can't imagine having a foreskin that can't roll back over my bell end.

love having a pint or two every hour

>>74164550
rorke

>>74164535
your mum tastes vile but it doesnt stop me from necking her en masse

>>74164483
i genuinely enjoy the taste and texture of a nice cold beer

>>74164568
>>74164568
>>74164568
>>74164568
>>74164568

>>74164530
please respond

capricorn here

>>74164507
ummm excuse me but australiophobia will NOT be tolerated in our peaceful, diverse, multicultural and tolrant generalx

>>74164318
had a similar situation once, had drank a lot and just couldn't do anything with this girl, eventually I just gave up

she was also a little self conscious, wanted the lights to be turned off. she was half black and had a beautiful thickness about her, only issue was the american accent

also I had fapped earlier that day so reckon I had no juice left in the tank

>>74164585
no one made you the boss, so fuck off and kill yourself, you paki poof

>>74164488
ffs i dont even know any girls

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>>74164417
only correct answer