/brit/

just saw a qt go into the contraception clinics, slag

Just saw some runt lurking in the bushes outside the contraception clinic.

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quite comf

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sat behind my desk right now

shift starts in 18 minutes

Woke up and had a good old chuckle at suicicidelad

Freak

just bought £20 worth of scratchcards and won 10p

just did a lovely shit

one of those that leave you feeling empty and deflated

i still had a crt tv until 2012

I was first in line to inherit my father's title and lands in the Hebrides, but alas, the bagpipe whose melody is my own crying voice--its threads be torn by the relentless growth of mine own cells. Oh, a prince such as I, to be doomed to such a quick end 'tis a tragic thing.

>>74003075
good goy

>>74003076
>that leave you feeling empty and deflated

Haha I feel like that every day mate

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A MOMENT

A LOVE

A DREAM

A LAUGH

A KISS

A CRY

OUR RIGHTS

OUR WRONGS

A MOMENT A LOVE

A DREAM

ALOUD

A MOMENT A LOVE

A DREAM

A LAUGH

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I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows, I’m miserable now

*picture of fraser's head in the sky*

LO! MY LUNG IS AFFLICTED BY DISEASE DESPITE MINE OWN PROMISING FUTURE! DESPAIR!

>>74003130
Shit song

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>>74003163

>>74003163
bit rude

Healthy young man goes to doctor gets pumped with massive shot of many vaccines, doesn't feel good and changes - CANCER.
Many such cases!

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>tfw never had any loyal friends who actually liked me

>>74003215
what about us?

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>>74003215
ah ha this!

>>74003215
Jesus likes you

gordon ramsay is sexy

>>74003234
bit gay

>>74003226
we don't like him either

>>74003210
been vaccinated my whole life and all it got me was this non-lethal autism

>>74003215
Same but I have two brothers so it's alright.

>>74003245
Sad.

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It's time to look back at every past event in your life and to re-frame it into a narrative which supports your self-pity.

why is cancer so prevalent?

>>74003281
because it seems like basically everything causes it.

>>74003279
I look back and realise that it was all my fault.

business idea: blankets that are thick and warm enough that you only need one

>>74003296
Much prefer to undo all my failures by accepting determinism and mental illness.

>>74003304
why would an aussie propose this of all people

>>74003279
im not wrong though my friends used to physically abuse me because i am small

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hows that job application looking anon

>>74003314
not healthy

>>74003329
Should have eaten your greens.

>>74003304
its called a duvet

>>74003324
oh fuck off

most of the civilised parts of the country are temperate

>>74003339
https://youtu.be/40UlHBUzJDw

got a good business idea lads

im gonna invest in it :^)

australians don't have duvets?

*poos on the poster below me*

>>74003304
doona

>>74003347
>>74003360
not thick or warm enough

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>>74003368

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AHHHH!!!!!
EEEEEEEEEEEK!
MY LABOR IS EXPECTED ON THE MORROW!

>>74003360
It's called a doona mate

>>74003373
the fuck are you on about?

i have a heavy goose feather one that is all i need in winter.

>>74003347
thats called a doona

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>>74003368
>poops on you're benis

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WOOOOOOORK

>>74003383
>>74003388
you mean a dyne

>>74003382
>LABOR
FOY

quite like the british isles overall

>>74003401
Next time you win a war you can choose the name

MAGA hat emoji when?

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>"how much do you make hourly?"
>$31.50
>....

>>74003386
i disagree but i'm not in the mood to continue this line of conversation

wish i was passionate enough to go on a normie killing spree

In winter you need a blanket and duvet.

>>74003433
2 blankets are the best, 1 mink 1 doona and your set

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>>74003423
im currently doing an UNPAID internship haha

Do you dare me to buy 1kg of assorted cheeses?

>>74003500
pls send cheez

sister's having a tantrum lol

not even sure why and i'm too scared to go ask because she'll be mean to me, i'll walk away and then she'll try to make me feel guilty for doing so, claiming that i'm "abandoning" her in her so-called "time of need"...

she's 20 btw, this happens at least once a week lol

>>74003522
that the prozzie sister?

>>74003522
You make these posts all the time. Your sister sounds ill.

>>74003538

ya

He doesn't even have a sister.

>>74003555
you should probably listen to her
if she doesn't use you as an outlet she'll probably explode one day

>>74003522
pls go to her with vocaroo and say "fuck off yank" thanks x

>>74003025
Its hard to find girls where I live. They find me.

>>74003546

i think she got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder

>>74003586

but if i say anything she doesn't want to hear she'll verbally abuse me :/

>>74003522
STOP BEING ABUSIVE, YOU'RE ALWAYS LIKE THIS! WHY ARE YOU BEING SO DEFENSIVE? YOU NEVER LISTEN, JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE! YOU NEVER CARE ABOUT MY FEELINGS YOU'RE SO SELF-CENTERED, I DO SO MUCH FOR YOU BUT I NEVER FEEL ANYTHING FROM YOU IN RETURN! YOU DON'R CARE ABOUT ME, YOU DON'T RESPECT ME, DON'T MY FEELINGS DESERVE MORE THAN JUST A PASSING MOMENT? WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS TRYING TO JUST GET RID OF ME? I'M NOT SOME KIND OF PROBLEM FOR YOU TO GET OUT OF YOUR WAY!

STOP BEING SO DEFENSIVE!

Interview Homebase soon to be Bunnings on Thursday lads

mad how Russia is behind all the politics I don't like

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wahey

>>74003640

wouldn't be surprised to hear that word for word from her haha

what's it from?

>>74003621
>borderline personality disorder

tell her to choose the personality that isn't childish

>>74003669
I just typed it out then

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKq70iWklAjMKNppCbISL2g

Anyone listen to this guy? He seems like the type that might post here.

>>74003664
jelly

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your thoughts?

https://youtu.be/3xT9ZPE1SYk#t=127
>It's just a prank son.
Imagine growing up in this house.

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>>74003522
>>74003538
>his sister is an escort
tell us more please

need a wank but am in a hostel dorm with 18 people

>>74003621
just agree with her you mong
she doesn't want another perspective she just wants to be heard

>>74003621
I once made a horrific mistake

>gf asks me to be completely honest with her about whether we have any problems
>she's already going to a psych
>tell her it's possible that she has symptoms of of histrionic personality disorder and that I feel those symptoms might be affecting our relationship
>'I suppose I was expecting something a little more human, but was instead psycho-analysed. Congratulations, this is called “Gaslighting” and I really want you to look that up. It was here that I cried, took about 5 minutes to regain composure, and here that I decided I’d probably never talk to you again after this, because you so eagerly point out that I’m reacting too much, feeling too much, and now there’s even a diagnosis to go along with it. You’ve hurt me before but this was flatout degrading.

I feel like that was the point things took a turn for the worst

>>74003722
Are they still doing this, thought child services would have been round by now.

>>74003683

would rather just stay in my room and ignore her tbqh

don't want to prolong her tantrum

>>74003754

nah, i feel like that would just encourage her to have another tantrum when she wants attention and a pat on the back for being insufferable when she's a cunt to everyone else.

i've got schizotypial, avoidant, and obsessive-compulsive personality disorders

>>74003664
enjoy your mad cow disease

>>74003772

> >tell her it's possible that she has symptoms of of histrionic personality disorder and that I feel those symptoms might be affecting our relationship

screaming, did she actually have HPD?

>>74003812
It seems they posted this the day before that video was published(Yesterday).
https://youtu.be/WoYTdYRPPpw
I don't even ..

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>>74003722

>>74003772
>gf
FONT

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>>74003867

>>74003843
I don't know man, she was fucked up. People initially don't believe me when I told them about her life history.

>>74003877
If it makes you feel any better she was a long-distance gf

>>74003718
Pretty sexy.

I'll share.

This one chick, someone who used to be a friend, his sister wanted me to quit smoking. She runs after me and steals my pack of cigarettes. I chase after her and start groping for the pack and she hides them in a way that has me hugging her and feeling her up. Somehow we both end up on the ground outside at night. I'm on my back and shes on top of me holding the cigarettes (at this point I couldn't give a fuck less about smoking). We lock eyes and just look at eachother for a few seconds.

wanna know what happens next?

Good morning, my little plankton bloom.

alri thailad

alri

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>>74003718
Anon please you're making me think of her

>>74003902

> People initially don't believe me when I told them about her life history.

Tell me, I think I'd believe you after living with the sister lol

Never met anyone like her...

>>74003664
Got one in the fridge haha

>>74003834
>trying to ruin a man's enjoyment of cheese
literally unironically hitler

What exactly is an "O level?"

fartlad rnore like innit

Might go to Australia and shag this Aussie's sister up the bumhole

>>>/pol/122559533

just acted like a Jewish shill and dumped evidence on the Holocaust to /pol/

they didn't like that one bit

>>74003980
like an a level but loads better

The absolute state of my social life

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started noticing my forehead is becoming more prominent in photos

just realised I might be very slowly receding

on $1k a week lads yeww

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>>74003997

mine is nonexistent and has been for a number of years

>>74003992
>53 replies
I suppose congratulations are in order.

>>74004018
THICC juicy pussy

>>74004020

How'd you manage that?

>>74003956
Raped by her teacher in such a way that she can't have kids, but apparently she wasn't able to prove it because she waited to long to talk about it afterwards
Sent to a mental asylum afterwards, consequently never finished school
Mother, father, sister and brother have all either killed themselves or died in 'accidents'
Moved to her Aunt's, whereupon the Aunt died of a terminal illness, leaving no further living family
Now lives off life insurance in her aunt's house and shuns the very idea of work
Keeps a band of online orbiters for adoration
Has clinical depression and God knows what else

>>74004047
what did you just call me

What's for dinner lads ?

>>74004085
wanted death but mum said no

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>Raped by her teacher in such a way that she can't have kids

>>74004048
got a new job 30 bucks an hour, my current employer wanted me to stay so they offered 25 and I took it lol

>>74004079
It's dripping of extreme excitement

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>yank obnoxiously asks 'wanna know what happened next?' at the end of his story
>literally nobody wanted to know

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*Blocks your path*

>>74004132
You seem to want to know.

I finished the story already dumbass.

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>alright anon we'll be offering you $50,000 starting
>alright!
>get to the contract
>($50,000 includes super, actual salary $45,000)

>>74004132
didnt even read that rubbish haha

need succ

ah yes

Evening lads. Evening nonce.

Got a 5% pay increase for my first year on the job. Maybe I'll get a little more this year.

haha

oh no

>>74004199
*gently smothers you with a pillow*

oh dear

oh my

oh gee wiz

oh blimey

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toni_Erdmann
> On 7 February 2017, it was announced that Paramount Pictures had signed Jack Nicholson and Kristen Wiig for an American remake of the movie.[80]

there is no way the yanks can pull off this movie

oh gosh

GALLOPIN' GARGOYLES HARRY YOU CAN'T BE DOING THAT

>>74004212
>>74004224
>>74004229
>>74004232
>>74004246
>>74004257
>>74004259
what happened??

>>74004066

all of that is believable except for the entire family dying, she probably just didn't want to introduce you to them for some reason

the horrific mistake was ever dating someone like that in the first place, although i guess it's kind of hard to judge character before you really get to know someone and by then it's probably too late :/

>>74004252
always have a laugh when yanks are so spastic they just remake a movie scene for scene for the droolers who cant read subtitles

>>74004273
he opened it

o
s
n
a
p

"he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"

>>74004292
who opened what?

>>74004273
he opened it!!

>>74004306
i opened my anus

Should I have some more coffee?

wake and bake time bitches

>>74004277
I thought so too for the longest time but it's true, she lives by herself in this incredibly dirty and unkempt house.

>>74004317
who opened what?

>>74004116

nice, what do you do?

i wouldn't mind working the night shift at a petrol station if my business idea doesn't work out, i remember some lad in /brit/ said he got paid like $28/hr and you could probably get away with browsing /brit/ for most of the shift really late at night.

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>>74004317

>>74004321
yeh

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QyoRzZrF00

woi

>>74004321
I think you should go to work

>>74003722
how the fuck are they still making these

>>74004347
Week off la.

>>74004339
OK will do.

>>74004343
didnt the intro or outro to everyone loves raymond have this in it?

>>74004331

poor thing :/

hopefully she gets her shit together but waiting for someone your dating to change for you is usually a recipe for disaster, or so i hear.

>>74004337
nightshift destroys your brain though

>>74004343
I M G O N N A R E A C H O U T A N D G R A B Y A

>>74004331
>she lives by herself in this incredibly dirty and unkempt house.

literally me

20 people in front of me at the airline office. In African time that's 2 hrs

>>74003722
the family reddit

>>74004368

www.apa.org/monitor/2011/01/night-work.aspx

That webpage makes it seem doable for a couple of years until you get a better gig.

>>74004334
I was just copying bruce, nothing is happening affik

>>74004400
>2011

You might want to look at some more recent studies desu.

got shaken down by a mob of abo teenagers for my phone and wallet and they punched me in the stomach for not having any cigarettes

might kill myself now

>>74004331
why the fuck is she your gf then

Quick someone call Thailand based

>>74004423
Lmao how common is this? What city?

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>having a laugh with the ol' gf
>ask her how many kids she wants
>she says "as many as possible anon"
>"with six months' break between them that's fourteen by the time the first one is 18!"
>"I've done the math see haha"

s-she was just having a laugh too, right lads?

>>74004424
She's my ex

>>74004432
brisbane

i just moved here from the suburbs so i dunno

>>74004447
dont care

>>74004447
>math
fuck off yank

>>74004359

they aren't, on their actual channel they made an apology video and deleted the all of their other videos, probably got scared of CPS with all the negative attention their youtube channel was getting.

>>74004420

probs will if i decide to get a night shift job when my business idea fails.

>>74004463
>>74004464
t. very rude people

>>74004474
that video was uploaded yesterday

>>74004464
She is French tbqh.

>>74004462
Brisbane? More like Shitsbane

>>74004462
Jaysus. Always carry spare ciggies and quarters for the abo toll

been stroking my willy more frequently and the phimosis is coming loose

>>74004498
i genuinely dont care

giv succ

>>74004462
where did that happen

>>74004498
does she "hon" instead of normal people laugh?

>>74004514
pics?

>>74004493
It's not their channel, it's someone else reuploading their stuff.

Gotta go on a plane later lads #scared

>>74004337
I assemble cabinets for kitchens, no qualifications but I been there for years started on 17p/h. also did nightshift there for about 3yrs. I loved that shift

does the inside of the mouth feel like the inside of the fanny?

mate is in cairns now

turns out he got the visa that stipulates a certain amount of time in country must be spent doing farm work and he's doing that now

>>74004527
No but she has an annoying laugh and cooks with a stupid amount of butter.

>>74004540
yes exactly

>>74004423

haha greentext your experience la'

i once got a pocket knife pulled on me for selling $30 worth of weed to a friend of a friend a few years ago, the friend of a friend thought i was out of line selling him weed because it was his friends "territory" or something.

was just trying to do him a favour :/

>>74004540
Yeah except there are more teeth in a fanny.

>>74004547
Ah yes, the sanctioned foreigner slavery visa
Farmers pissing themselves laughing every day because of it

>>74004553
You can never have too much butter. Butter is delicious.

it's that point in the morning when the neighbours go out and the dog barks endlessly reeeeeeeeee

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>Went camping in Lyme Regis last week with the bird who friendzoned me two years ago
>Managed to give her a cheeky finger up the twat, we kissed and would have fucked if she hadn't been on her period
>Fast forward to a week later
>She hasn't initiated conversation since, when I'm the one who starts a conversation on messenger she jujst replies uninterested and short

>>74004578
Her mashed potatoes are like 1/4 butter by weight. That is just Not Done.

>>74004536

sounds like something that would get so tedious after a few months of doing but at least the pay's ok :p

breaking convention

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>>74004595
>fingered her on the blob

skatty cunt

>>74004595
>still orbiting a bitch after being dumped 2 years ago
pathetic.

>>74004602
I stand corrected

>>74004602
yeh bit much. at least 1/8 needs to be double cream.

>>74004611
That's when girls are at their most desperate. It's worth a bit of blood.

pröööt ;_;

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>>Went camping in Lyme Regis last week with the bird who friendzoned me two years ago
>>Managed to give her a cheeky finger up the twat, we kissed and would have fucked if she hadn't been on her period
>>Fast forward to a week later
>>She hasn't initiated conversation since, when I'm the one who starts a conversation on messenger she jujst replies uninterested and short

hell(o)

Off to work

>>74004584
poison it

>>74004584
poison them

>>74004640
Unique twist on a well loved gimmick

>>74004584
poison yoruself

>>74004653
>>74004662
hmm

>>74004595
similar thing happened to me except i did fuck her

don't really get it desu drove myself mad trying to figure it out

mum said she was bringing maccas for dinner, said she was 15 minutes away
its been an hour
not a happy chappy

>work starting at 9:00
>only just getting out of bed

Ah yes there's no holiday like your boss' holiday.

just poisoned a dog

>>74004584

purchase some earplugs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNXaIOV57rg&list=RDdNXaIOV57rg

>>74004686
does a dog whistle work through walls?

>had lots of good friends and a gf at uni
>decide to go traveling for a year once i graduate
>can't find work in town i used to live in when i return
>half friends have left the city
>move back with parents in small town
>hairline starts receding
>single neet
fuck this travel meme wtf my life was sorted

>>74004611
I know I didn't even think it through we were talking about maybe doing a WWOOF in China together next thing you know I'm giving it some
with my hand between her thighs
>>74004612
We are good friends and just happened to have a moment which she now apparently regrets lol

got some anti depressants off the doctor hahahaha!

>>74004606
it is, VERY repetitive, only so many times u can build the same standard cupboards but we get to listen to earphones so thats cool, but nighshift gets to blast music at dangerous levels its like a party on that shift

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Business idea: drive through mcdonalds to get a $1 frozen coke

Thoughts?

>>74004704
couldn't you play the same note through loud speakers, assuming he/you already have some?

>>74004724

> but we get to listen to earphones so thats cool

saved, could even listen to a cheeky podcast as well ;o

just found a fiver in my wallet i'd forgotten about

best morning in a long time

unpopular opinion: I enjoy yank posts

>>74004730
good lad

>>74004730
KFC does frozen mountain dew for $1

>>74004523
new farm

https://youtu.be/kQXFw6JFbVQ
I can't hear past 13000 H but it makes me feel weird.

Was meant to be in work 10 minutes ago and not even on my bus yet.

What am I like??

business idea: create a bot which randomly replies to posts in brit with "bit gay" and then kill myself if the reply is appropriate >50% of the time

>>74004560
don't feel like it

completely sapped of energy, just want to get drunk and see if i can muster up the courage to hang up the ol' noose

dog stopped barking .

must be tired

>>74004770
hmm yeah new farm has the real nice gay part then the part that needs gentrification haha

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need thicc gf

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Cannot for the life of me fathom how 40% of voters are planning to vote tory

The british serf is a peculiar creature. He sacrifices his own interest for that of his master. He takes pride in the stability of his monarchy, stability born out of the fact that he unlike his brave cousins in europe, never dared to challenge the powers that be. He takes pride in the self-interested conquest and exploitation of other peoples, although they brought him no personal gain or liberation from his exploitation. Hed sell his own brother out for extra crumbs from yhe table of his master. Why? He has delusions that someday he'll leave his decrepid societal position and join what he assumes to be his rightful place in the upper eschelons of society. And like any good syncophant, his delusion means he is inclined to set up his position in the aristocracy, making sure everything is ready for when he makes what he believes to be his inevitable departure from the drudgery of his lower classification, to the elite. And why should he be woken from his dream, kate middleton did it (so did the footballers and allan sugar still even has a cockney accent!), so of course it is possible for the other serfs. Not all of them csn join or else the elite wouldnt be the elite. So in his preparation for gilded status, the societal runt, believes pulling up the ladder out of the grasp of those behind him will only serve to cement his future genteel status and prosperity.

Lo, what a fool he is. How he allows those above him to pull wool over his eyes, and encourage his selfish personality for their exploitation. It is the duty of the thinker to moderate man's carnal passions and to ground them im reality by taking the scales off his eyes, lest he is duped by those more conniving than him

>>74004795
just dont go in today

>dating a few girls but not that interested
>talking lots to a girl in belgium who is very cute
>she says shes going to move to england soon
she better or this is a big waste of time :/

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>>74004761
I enjoy this plot.

>>74004765

Damn, I prefer KFC but the mcdonnies is only a few blocks away from my house and i don't know of any KFC's that have drive-thrus near me

>>74004523

strathpine

>>74004795
fired i suppose

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hahaha whats the duck even doing in gamestop

other dog started barking now

>>74004828
Lol a girl from an absolute non country, how desperate are you.

started barking and can hear this runt reeing from here haha

More like Divided Queensub lmao

>>74004877
try a runt whistle

>>74004843
>gamestop
foy

>>74004825
shan't read a word

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>>74003381

sounds like bloody animal farm over there

>>74004877
Is the "dog" bothering you? Are you that easily riled?

>>>/o/17078284 dora's please

remember: no anime

want to be a doctor but i dont have the patients

WUAHAHAHA

THE PATIENTS

>>74004952
I'm not sure what you're trying to say with this image if I'm being completely honest.

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>the patients

>>74004970
wahey!

What happened to suicidelad?

>>74005016
>>74004994
>>74004980
mongs

want to be dead but don't have the patients

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>the patients

>grandpa dated grandma's older sister
>broke up with her and married grandma
>grandma's older sister killed herself a few months later

Family stories lads.

>>74005037
omg just because you don't get it!

New joke: want to be a surgeon but don't have the patients haha

>>74005046
why do you keep posting this boring story? no one cares

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>THE PATIENTS

What are the bookie odds for a Labour victory?

Might make a cheeky bet, won £1,300 from Brexit & Trump last year.

>>74005024
which one

>>74005046
care very much for this story in particular

>>74005088
If the pisstake piece in the FT I read was right, 130/1

Noone bloody responds to anything I bloody say because of is flag. I'm visiting friends in Los Angeles.

I'm from bloody liverpool m8s

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>FT

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>>74004970
>the patients

>?>74005116
Nice try yank

>>74005088
mate

I know I said this about Trump but Labour will not win

>>74005088
Name three seats Labour could even plausibly win back from the Tories

>>74005124
Crikey that's an old one

want to be a junior doctor but i'm not greedy enough

>>74005088
looks like 40/1 is the best you can get on a labour majority

>>74005131
Well you might say that but I won't miss a tenner but would appreciate the £1000 before Corbyn taxes it 90%.

\o/ GIVE JEZZA YOUR ENERGY \o/

>>74005169
shan't

>>74005181
>>74005181
>>74005181

dumb cunts. they give you patients when you become a doctor

Where can I get a racist gf lads?

>>74005116
Tell me about it lad