>americans keep their roundabouts in the fridge

File: 1484585900948.jpg (133KB, 776x678px) Image search: [Google]

133KB, 776x678px

>americans microwave their kettles to boil water

File: 1482651118914.gif (2MB, 251x232px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 251x232px

>American store they their foreskin in the microwaves

File: 1489942678319.png (17KB, 529x481px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 529x481px

>americans are stupid and fat lol

File: 1484797048041.jpg (17KB, 250x245px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 250x245px

>>73903033

>murcians store their murcans in the mrca

File: IMG_3507.jpg (38KB, 755x621px) Image search: [Google]

38KB, 755x621px

>mfw all of this is true

File: 1490029807066.png (1MB, 912x905px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 912x905px

>be american
>get shot by microwaves
>refrigerated to preserve body

Everything said in this thread is fact

File: 1491598893382.jpg (102KB, 746x500px) Image search: [Google]

102KB, 746x500px

>>73903033

File: golden lel.png (794KB, 423x475px) Image search: [Google]

794KB, 423x475px

>Americans tip the doctor after having their tip removed

>americans eat dog food for breakfast

>be me, American
>European cousin coming to visit
>excited to show him what my country has to offer
>waiting for him at the train station
>he arrives, draped in a burned, feces-smeared American flag
>I greet him and ask about his clothing choice
>He replied
>”Murrifats. Culture.”
>”E-excuse me?”
>”Murrifats. White”
>I ask him what a Murrifat is.
>He begins obnoxiously clapping in my face, as if he’s referring to something I’m supposed to understand
>I shrug it off
>He asks where my mobility scooter is
>Inform him that I don’t use one
>A look of utter confusion comes across his face
>Take him on a tour of my hometown
>Entire time, he has a disgusted scowl on his face
>Asks me why there aren’t poor people dying in the streets and gunfights around every corner
>I tell him I don’t understand
>”Murrifats. In charge of speaking English”
>We get to war memorial at park
>He spits on it
>I tell him how rude that is
>He begins bleating on about American imperialism and how the Soviet Union were the true liberators of Europe and Asia
>He then starts clapping in my face obnoxiously again. I still don’t understand what he’s referring to, but he evidently thinks it’s hysterical


(to be continued…)

File: 1490661762084.png (209KB, 618x694px) Image search: [Google]

209KB, 618x694px

>>73907585

>Feeling uncomfortable, I decide to take him to get food
>Small sandwich shop everyone in town loves
>He orders first
>”Where are the burger?”
>Old lady behind counter looks confused
>I explain that he’s from Europe
>She asks which country and he reluctantly answers
>”Oh yes, that’s a beautiful country” she replies, “That’s where my family came from”
>I see blood vessels bulging on the back of his neck, beads of sweat forming at his hair line. He’s breathing heavily.
>He slowly leans into the old woman’s face and without warning screams “MUH HERITAGE!” at the top of his lungs
>Starts furiously clapping in her face
>I have to restrain and pull him back. I apologize to the old woman
>Visibly shaken, she meekly replies “H-have a nice d-day”
>This comment only seems to make him angrier
>Our food arrives and we initially eat in silence
>”Fatty” he says, ostensibly addressing me, despite my relatively low BMI, “where is Albania?”
>He has an incredibly smug look on his face
>”Albania? It’s a tiny country across the Adriatic sea from Italy, south of Serbia and Montenegro, north of Greece”
>The color drains from his face
>His expression is now one of extreme distress and paranoia
>”M-murrifats. Education” he replies, sheepishly
>I still don’t understand what a Murrifat is


(to be continued…)

File: hours-days-since-last-muslim-terrorist-attack-0-0-0-3153154.png (109KB, 500x684px) Image search: [Google]

109KB, 500x684px

>>73907628

>Decide to smooth things over, ask him if he’d like a beer afterwards
>”Murrifat beer. Pisswater. Pick both” he replies
>I continue
>”I know the stereotype about American pale lager, but things have changed a lot in the last 20 years. There’s an excellent ale I know of that’s produced by a local brewery just down the street”
>My cousin goes completely stoic
>I instantly realize that I must have crossed some sort of line
>He just sits there for a minute, occasionally twitching
>It’s almost as if his brain has been overloaded
>He drops to the floor and begins writhing
>I’m about to get help when suddenly he leaps back up to his feet and takes in the largest breath of air I’ve ever seen
>”MUUUUUUH MICROBREEEEEEEWS!”
>restaurant windows shatter
>my eardrums nearly rupture
>He is now ripping off his clothes and shrieking
>Old lady behind register is going for phone
>He promptly shits into his hand and chucks it at her, knocking her off of her feet
>He leaps out the window, still in the throes of defecation
>Police arrive
>Yell at him to surrender
>He lunges at them, grabbing one officer and mauling his face
>Grabs disabled officer’s gun and starts to raise it
>Other officer fires, hitting him in the chest
>My cousin falls to the ground
>I rush over
>He’s barely clinging to life
>I ask him why he did it
>He motions me closer
>”Be Murrifat…” he begins with his last dying breath, coughing up blood
>”…Get shot”
>Falls to the ground, lifeless

File: IMG_6587.jpg (102KB, 420x420px) Image search: [Google]

102KB, 420x420px

>BE AMERICAN
>SNIP THE TIP

File: Metrotog.jpg (1MB, 1920x1280px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1920x1280px

>>73907585
>waiting for him at the train station
already there we know it's bullshit

File: Screen Shot 2017-04-21 at 10.05.24 PM.png (64KB, 520x470px) Image search: [Google]

64KB, 520x470px

>>73907695
>BE BLUE PERU
>GET SYPHILIS

>>73907697
ok irrelevant country and language

>>73907650
Thats what you get for not tipping the waitress.

No hospital bills for you!

File: 3595164619_00ab8d9a60.jpg (177KB, 500x375px) Image search: [Google]

177KB, 500x375px

>>73907833
majority by far of that is rail freight you massive faggot
my dinner table is older than your country btw

>>73908050
Famous rail journeys in America:
>the nation builder

Famous rail journeys in yurop
>the cuckhold (orient) express

Really fires up my synapses

File: unionstagl30772.jpg (699KB, 1500x998px) Image search: [Google]

699KB, 1500x998px

>>73908297
>this is the major train station in the 2nd biggest american city