International jokes thread

What's the difference between a white jew and a black jew?


The black jew has to sit at the back of the gaschamber.

I would hug you, but I'm scared I can overhug and fuck you.

the serbian empire

Argentina is white

How do you fit 20 Jews in volkswagen kafer?

4 on seats and 16 in ashtray.

>>73798194
Even better!
>Taringa

An american walks into a bar


Orders a big mac with large fries and a gallon of coca cola

An american walks into a doctor's clinic


Orders a big mac with large fries and a gallon of coca cola

An american walks into Spain


holy shit i love Mexico

>>73798071
Sweden today is much funnier, Jamal.

An american walks into moon


holy shit its not a ball of cheese???

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1520

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>>73798071

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were in a pub talking about their children.

'My son was born on St George's Day, 'remarked the Englishman, 'So we obviously decided to call him George.'

'That's a real coincidence', observed the Frenchman', My daughter was born on Valentine's Day, so we decided to call her Valentine.'

'That's really incredible', drawled the Irishman, 'Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.'

>>73798957
Shrove Tuesday?

>>73798957
>born on valentine's day
>not conceived on valentine's day
unlikely. ruined my immersion 2/10 joke.

>>73799061
Yeah. We call it Pancake day here.

>>73799176
My mum was born on Valentine's day desu

why do brits have holes in their caskets? so the maggots crawl out to vomit

>>73797866

Why a black women pregnant of triplets was arrested?

Gang formation.

Why do jews have long, big noses?
Because air is free!

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A ball rolls around the corner and falls :DDDD

>>73798014
That's bullshit. We don't have such a joke.

>>73797866
Don't post my fucking elephant

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Poland is not yet lost

A man tattooed the words "I Love You" on his penis and was eager to show it to his girlfriend.

She looks at it for a while, shakes her head and then says:
"Are you trying to put words into my mouth again?"

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>>73797866

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>>73800154

It is not the fart that kills, it is the smell

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>>73800092

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>>73798309
>>73798360
>>73798442
>>73798495

I had sex with an English girl yesterday, but it was really awkward, because she kept calling some other guy's name. Who the hell is Rape?

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>>73799242

Why don't Jews ever lick pussy?
Too close to the gas chamber.

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Comic version of a German joke

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Why does the swede carry around a car door in the desert?
So he can roll down the window when he gets hot.

On a train in czarist Russia, a Jew is eating a whitefish, wrapped in paper. A Gentile, sitting across the aisle, begins to taunt him with various anti-Semitic epithets. Finally, he asks the Jew, “What makes you Jews so smart?” “All right,” replies the Jew, “I guess I’ll have to tell you. It’s because we eat the head of the whitefish.” “Well, if that’s the secret,” says the Gentile, “then I can be as smart as you are.” “That’s right,” says the Jew, “And in fact, I happen to have an extra whitefish head with me. You can have it for five kopecks.” The Gentile pays for the fish head and begins to eat. An hour later the train stops at a station for a few minutes. The Gentile leaves the train and comes back. “Listen, Jew,” he says, “You sold me that whitefish head for five kopecks. But I just saw a whole whitefish at the market for three kopecks.” “See,” replies the Jew, “You’re getting smarter already.”

What do you get if you cross the jews with cockroaches?

Dunno, but at least they couldn't claim the holocaust happened


How many Swedes does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just turn off the other lights to make the dark room feel welcome


What did the Saudi Arabian visiting America buy his wife for dinner?

Happy Meals

Why do Jews have so big noses?
Because air is free.

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>>73800651

>>73800651
aren't they in a plane in the original joke?

people say that that hitler ordered the execution of the jews, but what really happened was hitler was giving away free gas and the jews were so greedy they not only filled gas tanks with gas but also tried bring some back in their lungs and then millions of jews died because of their greed

An infinite number of physicists walk into a bar
First orders 1 pint of beer, the second 1/2 pint, the third 1/4, the fourth 1/8 and so on.
A bartender tells them: "Get the fuck out of here"

This bartender was an Einstein.

What is a woman doing in a space station?

Cleaning up lol

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>>73800805

A man walks into a bar.
"O-o-one b-b-b-beer, p-p-please"
The bartender says:
"Hey, friend, I used to have problems with stammering myself, but it got fixed after my wife gave me a proper blowjob. I recommend you the same".
So the man drinks his beer quickly and leaves.
The next evening the man comes back.
"O-o-one b-b-beer, p-p-please".
"I guess my advice didn't help you?"
"N-no, b-but y-you've g-got a b-b-beautiful home".

>>73800873
I don't get it but I laughed.

What does a Polish jew on a swing do?

Pissing off the German snipers

>>73798232
que buen post y yo sin puntos
que picardia!

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>>73800747
Doesn't make much of a difference, but you reminded me of another one:

A Rabbi, a black man and a priest fly on a plane. Suddenly it starts to crash down, but there's not enough parachutes for everyone. The Rabbi says: "We must save the children!'. The black man replies: "Fuck the children". Next, the priest asks: "Do you think we have enough time for that?'

A man bought a hat an it was just.

What do you call a jew that can fly?

Fume

>>73800154
A Brazilian and a Chinese man are peeing in urinals besides each other. The Brazilian guy notices a weird smudge on the Chinaman's dick, and inquires about it.

- Oh, it's actually a tattoo. When I get erect, it reads "Love".
- Wow, I got a similar tattoo a while ago. When I get turned on, it reads "Memory of my vacations in Itaquaquecetuba".

a black and an arab are in a car who one is driving ?

the police

Man went to store. Shovel.

A man and wife drove over a skunk.
The wife was an animal rights activist, so she wanted to save the skunk.
The man said: "put it between your legs to keep it warm".
"What about the smell", asked the wife, to which man replied:
"I don't know, put your fingers in its nostrils or something."

What is the hardest dare?

Shitting on the doorstep of a niggers' house and then telling him "hey your kid has melted"

>>73800313
Non-scandis won't get it, mon

>>73800695
Dårlig, svenskevitsene våres er jo bare idiotvitser med et annet offer

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>>73797866
You know what's the easiest way to write a polish novel?

#include <iostream>
int main() {
for (int i=0; i < 1E6; i++) {
std::cout << "kurwa";
if (i%10==0) std::cout << "\n";
}
}

A man walks into a bar and says "Ow!"

Why do arabs ride camels and swedes drive volvos?

The arabs got to choose first

A man arrives at a traffic control.

The police tells him "you can keep driving, we're looking for a rapist"

a couple of minutes later the man comes back and says to the police "i thought about it, i'll do it"

>>73799242
How would they get in if there wasn't a hole already?

>>73798309
>>73798360
>>73798442
>>73798495

CRACKING jokes mate. Really good stuff.

>>73801416
Would be funnier if you set it in Mexico

>>73799882
Lmoa

What do you call a belt made out of watches?
A waist of time

>>73801575
kek

>>73800805
Is that reallyajokefrom Colomvia

Q: What's the value of a contour integral around Western Europe? A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe.

An Englishman wanted to learn Russian so badly he was ready to become a Russian himself. He traveled to meet the best brain surgeon to ask if it was possible.
"That can be arranged, we just have to remove 20% of your brains"
The man agreed and the operation began immediately.
When the man woke up he saw the surgeon with a very worried look on his face.
"I deeply apologize", said the surgeon, "but a terrible mistake has happened. We accidentally removed 80% of your brain".
"Det gör ingenting", the man replied.

>>73801374
Always loved this one. It's so quick to say and is hilarious, usually takes people a few seconds to et it and you can see it in their face when they do.

>>73801416
Pretty good.

>>73801245
Pretty kek

>>73801143
Pretty good

>>73800741
heard it many times

>>73800154
good

Can't be asked to read the rest.

Here's some,

Some old Japanese couple gave me a very nice camera down by the Washington Monument. I couldn't really understand them but it was very nice.

Brits are more inbred than a toast sandwich.

My wife and I have decided that we don't want children. So we dropped them off at the fire station.

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>>73801818

A german, a norwegian, the pilot and a swede were onboard of a plane when something went wrong. The plane was about to crash, so everyone was required to jump. But there were only 3 parachutes. The swede exclaimed towards the pilot:
"you can take mine"
"why did you give away the parachute?" asked the norwegian
"dont worry", said the swede. "It was only the carrying bag"

>>73797866
Typhus Tuberculosis Cancer, Vagina

This is seriously a dutch joke. Diseases are kanker funny.

How do you know your sister has her period?
Your dad's dick tastes like blood.

How do you turn a cat into a dog? Pour gasoline on it and set it on fire. Woof!

>>73798309
>>73798360

I dont get it

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>>73798520

>>73798309
An american walks into a bar
he sues the owner for a million bucks

>>73800975

nice

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>>73797866

What do you call a group of blacks hanging from a tree?
Mississippi windchimes

How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the jaw.

How was copper wire invented?
Two jews fighting over a penny

Why is there cotton in the tops of pill bottles?
To remind blacks that they're cotton pickers before drug dealers.

>>73798360
man, great jokes, you could be a stand up comedian

Three friends, a Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian are cast away on a large desert island. After days of wandering around, starving, they find a genie's lamp. The genie grants them each a wish.
The Norwegian wishes he was on a cruise ship in the Caribbean having a nice drink. Poof! There he goes.
The Finn wishes he was in his summer cabin drinking a cold beer. Poof! There he goes.
The swede felt sad and lonely: "I wish my friends were here".

Only donkey of a village got sick. Being fucked by a human was her only cure. Nobody wanted to do it as expected, so they found a Kürt from a neighbour village and asked him if he wanted to do it for 40 gold coins. He said "I will be right back" and came hours later with a bloody pouch of gold: "I was able to get 20 coins for now, is it okay?"

>>73802375
>Nobody wanted to do it as expected,
not very realistic, 2/10

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"How do you say loudmouth in Belgian?"
"MOUTH"

>>73802291
>offended

>>73802476
>Belgian

I thought they spoke french

>>73801711
>nip humor

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>>73802450
you make a good point

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Two guys meet at the French-Belgian border:

"Hey, I'm gonna tell you a joke about Belgians"
"No way mate, I'm Belgian"
"Don't worry, I'll tell it twice for you"

A jew, a gypsy and a robber enter in a bar
The barman kicks him out

>>73801374
Better as "Two men walked into a bar; the third guy ducked"

two girls go to Africa and they see a crocodile. One ask the other: "What´s that?" and she responds: "Oh, how dumb you are! That´s obviousy a Lacoste original!"

Women are stupid amirite kek

Someone told me the story pf a chair, it was bent

Why do americans have niggers while italians have mafia?
Italians chose first

>>73802701
Kek

This is dutch classic:

Why do muslim immigrants always massively go to the mosque on friday?

They are praying for the welfare bureau to re-open on monday.

>>73802939
lol but it doesn't work in english

What is the apex of courage?

To shit in front of big nigger's door, ring the doorbell and tell him that his son melted.

Why are there a lot of teenage pregnancies with muslim immigrants?

Because they are only allowed to have sex from age 16.

>>73802375
What

This is a French/English one because my family is bilingual and shut the fuck up.

There are two cats swimming a race across the English Channel. The English cat is saying "One, Two, Three, One Two Three ..." and the French cat is saying "An, Do, Toi, An, De, Toi ...".

Which cat won the race?

The English cat won an' de toi cat sank.

Did you know they have trains that run on herbs and spices?

Yeah, Mussolini made the trains run on thyme.

>>73803189
The village was going to pay a Kurd $40 to fuck a donkey but the Kurd went and got money because he thought they were charging him to fuck the donkey. This is false as others pointed out because the Turks would have already been fighting over who gets to fuck the donkey.

>>73797866
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice.

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>>73802992

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American runs into a bar


Breaks his ribs and dies in the hospital, unable to pay the fees

>>73799882
These jokes sound funnier in German

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>>73803293
10/10 bilingual joke
not That funny but make me laugh a lot idk why

How do you call a zoo? germany.

Old jew is dying, familiy came to say goodby to him.
Old jew is saying: -"My dear wife are you with me now?" - "yes my husband im here"
- "my dear daughter are you with me now?"
- " yes father im here"
- "my dear son are you with me now as well?"
- " yes dad i am"
- "then who the f*ck is watching the store?!"

What is the peak of recycling?
To restore a jew from a soap.

>>73801848
kill urself pls

>>73803706
I'm sure

>>73804384
Someday somebody will love you anon and then you'll feel whole.

>>73804428
never reply to me again

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>>73804075

>>73804487
Rustle'd

Rabbit went to store and asks:
"Do you have any carrots?"
Salesman said, no carrots today.
Same happened the following day, and the day after, and the day after that.
The next day, the same happens and the salesman says "If you still come asking for carrots the next day, I will nail you to the wall from your ears."
Next day rabbit comes and asks if they have any nails. Salesman says "No." and the rabbit replies: "Ok then, do you have any carrots?"

>>73800873
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
First orders 1 pint of beer, the second 2 pints, the third 3 pints, the fourth 4 pints, and so on.
The bartender tells them: "You owe me 1/12th of a pint of beer"

This bartender was an Riemann

>>73797866
>"Bro, can you spot me five bucks?"
>"Sorry, I tipped my Uber 53,000 dollars."

A Finn, Russian and American were discussing their advances medical science. The American starts:
"Over in my country, a man lost his arm, and they rebuilt it from steel and he became so efficient they fired 5 people because he could do their jobs in addition to his."
The Russian replies;
"Well in my country, a man lost two arms and a leg, but they replaced them so well that he made 50 people unemployed because he got so much work done."
The Finn tells:
"In my country they found a turd in the woods, rebuilt an intestinal tract around in and then the rest of the body. This man who rose from the shit is called Juha Sipilä, and he is now prime minister and half of the country is unemployed."

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>>73798309
>>73798360
>>73798442
>>73798495
>An american walks
Lol good one

Why can't the fortune teller see a negro's future?

He doesn't have one.

>>73805218
this is fucking great

>>73805331
This I never go anywhere without my fat scooter.

When does a nigger go up in life?

When his shack explodes.

An African tries to walk into Germany.
He gets stopped by the border police, and they ask "Do you have a valid visa or entry permission?".
The African says "no"
The border police then asks "Do you have refugee status?"
The African says "no"
The border police then asks "Do you at least have a passport?"
The African again says "no".
Then, the border police says "Welcome to Germany!"
The African thanks him and then rapes a 15 year old girl right behind the police.
The African gets 1 year on probation, meanwhile people go to prison for not paying the mandatory TV tax.

A man walks into the doctors office with a steering wheel attached to his crotch.

The doctor asks him how it happened.

The man replies "I don't know doctor, but it's driving me nuts!"

>>73801575
Heh

I got a recommendation of a horse in the grand national, called Car Digan. I don't know much about it, but I hear it's a good jumper.

What do you call a black woman who has had 10 abortions?

A crime fighter

>>73799906
it wasnt a joke im afraid ruskie friend

Here are some Mitch Hedberg jokes. A comedian who basically did only one-liners.

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read.

My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the fuck’s really going on down there?

I like escalators, because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. There would never be an “Escalator Temporarily Out of Order” sign. Only an “Escalator Temporarily Stairs… Sorry for the Convenience.”

Once I had one anchovy. That’s why I didn’t have two anchovies.

You know, I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just gonna ask where they’re going and hook up with ‘em later.

One time a guy handed me a picture, he said “Here’s a picture of me when I was younger.” Every picture of you is when you were younger.

I got some tartar control toothpaste. I still got tartar, but that shit’s under control.

I haven’t slept for 10 days… because that would be too long.

I saw on HBO they were advertising this boxing match, it said “It’s a fight to the finish”… that’s a good place to end.

>>73806672
also forgot the joke:
A man goes to prison.
His inmate tells him that he will get fucked and he got 2 choices. Fuck with or without spit. The man decides to get fucked with spit. The inmate says:
''Spit! he wants a threesome! ''

sit down grandmother

no i am grandfather

>>73806861
LOL

A portuguese wakes up his boss and says:

"Its time to take your sleep remedy"

Someone asked a portuguese: "Hey, is your wife good at sex?" and he answer: "Some say yes, some say no..."

A penguin is driving his car across the country whenever the engine begins knocking. He pulls into a small town and leaves his car with a mechanic. Being a penguin in the desert, he heads straight for the ice cream shop and has a delicious vanilla cone while he waits.

When he returns to check on his car, the mechanic says "I figured it out. I think you blew a seal." To which the penguin replies "Oh no, it's just ice cream."

a bear wanders through forest and sees a car on fire

he climbs inside the burning car and burns to death

>>73805218
This is the best joke ITT and I will still this one.

>>73797924
ur getting v& -___-

>>73804868
duck song?

>>73798360
*Diet coca cola

Remember MUH DIET

If you accidentally drive over a Swede, what should you do?
Reverse.

Why could Jesus not have been a Swede?
Because you can't find one virgin or three wise men in Sweden.

Why is it so hard for a Swedish woman to find a free, sensitive, loving, honest man?
Because they all have boyfriends already.

If you drop a Swede and a brick from an airplane, which hits the ground first?
Who cares.

>>73811465
Oh yeah, of course, diet. Clinics are healthy places.

>>73797866
never liked Jordanians
here is proof why

calling jay haad on you mate
Allah Akbar

A man walks into a bar and orders a diamond. The bartender says smashed a truck against a beer made out of diamond. Abd that's how scientifics discovered diamond being the strongest bar.

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What does separate the man from the beast ?
The Mediterranean Sea.

Get this

UGay

>UK

Get it?

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>>73798957

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>>73798309
>>73798360
>>73798442
>>73798495

A man from Belfast starts his car.
10 injured and 2 dead

>>73803293
I don't understand the last sentence

A Moroccan and a Turk are sitting inside a car, who's driving?

The police.

"I just want to warn you that I have five penises."
"Five penises? How do your pants fit?"
"Like a glove."

>>73799176
Tfw i was

>>73816052
un deux trois quatre cinq
The French cat sank so the English one won.

>>73803293
Here's a good bilingual one.

Why doesn't it flood in France?
Because the water's so l'eau

>>73801711
I keked

>>73811765
>implying you're not probably worse off than us in honor killings