ITT we pretend to be Americans

"Islam is a lie"
*Doesn't get lynched*

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>>71197729
''YOU'RE NOT WHIIIIITE'
*sharts of rage*'

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>>71198325

just shot myself

sorry for the typo, that's.... just SHART myself....

I don't need to pretend. Checkmate.

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>>71198441

Hey, can you make another greentext american story?

>>71197729
I just accidently shot my daughter. What's a good snack I can prepare before police arrives?

*puts man on the moon*

pssh...nothing personnel commies

Waiter, there be sum leaf in mah soup, ah will tip y'all only 25% if y'all keep be'avin like that
What do y'all mean ah can't bring muh M16 to da rest'raunt? AM I BEING DETAINED?

hurr durrr europe is a failed state hurr no go zones islamic france germany and uk

>>71198592
>Be merican(the best fukin nation on the planet)
>Wake to national anthem
>roll of the bed
>Hit the floor
>*thud*
>Smells bacon through the hardwood floor made 100% in america™
>Rolls down stairs
>*thud* *thud* *thud* *thud*
>Moms cooking bacon
>sit on the table
>Realise its turkey bacon
>*imported from canada*
>Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
>Drop kick mom
>"PLEASE FORGIVE ME ANON THEY WERE ALL OUT OF BACON I SWEAR!"
>"How dare you do this to your little boy"
>Pulls down pants
>This is what you get stupied bitch
>*baaaaaaarrrrppp*
>Watery shit all over moms face
>Mom's screaming and crying
>Rub shit filled ass on mommy
>Mommy passes out
>Chow down on the shit that mom made
>Tears run down my cheeks as I chew on this abomination of imported bacon
>Forgive me forefathers for I have dishonored you by consuming the sustenance manufactured in another nation other than this one
>Go to 4chan
>Shitpost on /pol/ about how immigrants are stealing our jobs

Boy am i glad i mutilated my penis

>>71197729
>ITT we pretend to be Americans
OK

"Why the fuck is that traitorous shit hole Pakistan our ally? Why aren't they on the Muslim ban list? I hope India just glasses the whole country."

we will bring you the Freedom™ by bombing the shit out of you

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>>71199506

>>71197729
let me tell u about who is white or not even though I'm 1/8th black 1/8th hispanic and 1/512th cherokee (proud of my heritage)

yurop is a stoopid cuntry, islam is taking over, it is totally uninhabitable and i know this because i have seen it on fox news even though i've never been there

if we sell guns at every street corner even to people with a psychiatric diagnosis this will not increase the amount of gun murders, only good people buy guns from the street corner and evil guys will just get them smuggled from somewhere for a hundred times the price because smuggling is illegal and evil guys do everything illegally because they're evil and they probably distribute kinder eggs as well

>>71199885
It's been over 2 hours and I still can't get over that thread. I mean I usually don't bully Americans but come on

>>71199627
10/10

>I'LL USE MY CREDIT CARD

Britbong comedy is shit, there's not enough references to sex and weed in it!

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>>71200039
White Americans are fucking retarded and uncultured fucks

>>71200400
>British documentary
>Here, in the jungles of Bhata-Tuthu, the praying mantis is in search of its prey.
>3 minutes of very clean and uninterrupted footage of the praying mantis following a spider

>American documentary
>Guitar riffs playing in the backround
>YOU PROBABLY WOULDNT WANT ONE OF THESE KILLERS IN YOUR BACK YARD
>Rapid jump cuts of the praying mantis
>THE PRAYING MANTIS MIGHT LOOK LIKE A BUG IN CHURCH, BUT THIS NASTY MOTHER-SUCKER IS NOT TO BE MESSED WITH
>More flashy jump cuts
>THIS LITTLE SPIDER DOESNT KNOW WHATS WAITING FOR HIM, THE FURY OF THE MANTIS IS NOT TO BE UNDERESTIMATED
>More flashy jump cuts
>The mantis strikes
>Strange animal growling and screeching noises are dubbed in as it attacks because silent footage is too boring for americans
>Slow mo replay of the attack in black and white
>AND ITS OVER IN A FLASH
>THAT LITTLE SPIDER
>SHOULD'VE PRAYED
>TO THE MANTIS
>Starwipe to next clip

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wGbCNDw-m0

https://youtu.be/cEh-zclVo44

>>71199885
Fucking lol

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>lemme tell you who's white!

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>>71197729
Where can I find a Canadian bull?

>>71200644
You should have posted this one:

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KWJC7RKykE

They dubbed the ants with pig squeals, and the spider with lion roars. Bonus points for all the "experts" who only jump in to say "this is pretty fucking badass if you catch my drift".

I love diversity, so many positives like foreign food. Every week my wife heads out to the local inner city youth center while I babysit my wife's mulatto son.

So nice to know all the good she's doing for the black community.

>>71199736
>Traitorous
We're literally feeding and your soldiers in afghanistan after you left them here to die

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>>71200644
laughed in real life

>>71200888
>the bugle charge sound
kek'd

>>71199885
lel holy fuck

>>71199627
Glorious

>>71199885
A FUCKING LEAF

>>71201000

INDIJAAAA, PAKISTANNNNN

SVIMA NAMA PUSI KURAC PARTIZAN

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>be burger
>roll off of my double-kingsized bed, slip on my crocs
>bathe in my xtrasize jumbo shower™
>drop my big mac on the drain, cry
>get downstairs using my stairlevator™
>mom made me pancakes, tip mom
>make sure to sing the national anthem before eating
>pour half gallon of high fructose corn syrup on cardboard tasting pancakes (no maple syrup, 'cause fuck Canada)
>add a few ounces of "i cant believe its not butter!" because i never learned a reasonable standard international unit, so must use ounces like a retarded kid making up measurement systems
>go to school, tip teacher
>forced to stand and recite pledge of allegiance because we love freedom so much
>get frisked for guns before going to class
>1 hour of pep rally, tip teachers
>2 hours learning about creationism
>1 hour of being molested by priests

>>71201417
>Le epic copy pasta
Kek, remember used this to bring /pol/ on its knees. Good times

>>71200644
I love bbc documentaries.
This is my new favorite clip
https://youtu.be/hpdlQae5wP8

>>71201521
i saw the flag and assumed it was the same paki bro

>>71201525
>The uploader has not made this video available in your country.
REEEEEEEEEEE

>>71201725
>americuck

>>71201725
Search for pufferfish cropcircles on youtube

>>71197930
This desu

>>71201725
Karma is a bitch.
t. seen hundreds of "the uploader has not made this video available in your country"

>>71201618
Don't you mean British
Ugh, so insensitive

>>71201996
evening 'tismo

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>>71202026
>triggered after a single pic

wew lad

Sup guys
New here just bought an 02 Silverado 2500 to haul my ATV when im goin hunting an I was wondering if a Cummins 5.9 will bolt into it. Anyone done this before? Where can I find an engine?

And if you wanna call me a faggot dont even reply, im a bowtie fan as much as the next guy but that Cummins power is just unbeatable at the truck pulls.

>>71200739
I really really really like this pic, mind if I save?

>>71198592
>be American
>go to fuel car
>forget to tip and applaud car-fueler
>car get shot
>forced to walk 1 km home
>get a heart attack
>can't afford the healthcare
>get shot by doctor

>>71202175
>1 km
H-how dare you?!?!?!

I NEED HELP!?!

Had a few beers with the guys earlier an we tried to pull wheelies on my atv in the front yard an I ran into my house wall n now theirs a hole in my bedroom. Any1 had holes in there wall before an can tell me how I can fix this quickly? also I dont have a lot of money for the repairs cuz im still doing payments on the atv. help please!??

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>>71202100
>Luton
Poor lad probably just wanted an excuse to gtfo

Hol up i hear you been talkin shit bout me n my bitch. So wassup square tf up niqqa imma mop the floor wit yo' uglass niqqa i ion playin square tf up you wan sum beef. Oh u fleen now niqqa pussyass baka.

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>Be American
>Wake up and roll out of bed, which takes great effort, as 70.7% of adult Americans are overweight (http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/ obesity-overweight.html
>Waddle into the kitchen and wake myself up with a nice big glass of corn syrup, before turning on the TV to watch the NFL. However, not much of the game is actually played while drinking the corn syrup, as under 6% of a televised NFL match is actually spent playing the game (http://www.sportsgrid.com/real-sports/nfl/pie-chart-actual-football-watching-nfl-game-vs-replays-commercials-etc/)
>A lot of the players are brown, as only 63% of Americans are white (http://www.nydailynews.corn/news/national/percentage-non-hispanic-whites-hits-all-time-63-article-1.1371772)
>Waddle and roll into my oversized SUV -which I've never taken off road- and drive to work
>Accidentally crash into the back of a police vehicle, but don't damage it because American police drive IED proof MRAPs.
>The police -who is wearing military uniforms- gets out and immediately shoots me. This doesn't surprise me, because American police shot 92 times more people than the police in the People's Republic of China did in 2014 (http://thefreethou htproiect com/police-kill-citizens-70-times-rate-first-world-nations/)
>Go to hospital, but first have to pay thousands of dollars to get there (http://articles.latimes.com/ 2013/aug/23/business/la-fi-healthcare-watch-20130825)
>Receive extremely poor care in the hospital, when compared to other first world countries, despite outspending them all (http:// www.commonwealthfund.org/publications/fund-reports/2014/jun/mirror-mirror)
>The nurse is nice enough to wipe away the shart for free though
>Get better through some miracle and go to court.
>Receive plea bargain which I feel that I have no option but to take. I remember that 96% of federal cases are resolved through plea bargains (http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/plea/interviews/mcspadden.html)

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>>71203020
>Only get four consecutive life sentences, which is rather light for the American justice system
>I am amazed at how big the prison is, but then I remember that 2.8% of American adults are under correctional supervision (both incarceration and on parole) and that this percentage exceeds every other nation on earth (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incarceration_in_the_United_States)
>In prison I am sexually assaulted, as is 4.5% of the prison population every year (https:// www.hrw.or /news/2007/12/15/us-federal-statistics-show-widespread-prison-rauel
>As the United States has such a high prevalence of HIV -well over 1.2 million Americans, a rate far higher than other first world nations, and Somalia, are infected- I contract the lethal virus. (http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/statistics/overview/)
>I die and require an extra-large coffin, although this is not unusual in the United States.
>The NSA spies on my funeral.

>>71203020
>>71203230
Go on

>be American
>most powerful military on the planet
>control most of the planet aside from Russia and China
>each American soldier trained to highest degree possible
>defeated literally every important country on the planet
>singlehandedly kicked Germany's ass TWICE
>singlehandedly kicked Britain's ass in 1776 (International Year of Freedoms)
>best soldiers in human history
>going to kick Russia and China and Iran's ass all at once in two years
>best military tech
>most aircraft carriers
>most lethal nukes
>best trained pilots in the history of aviation
>most effective military hardware known to mankind
>defeated Iraq twice in like two minutes lmao
>could defeat Russia in two weeks
>could defeat China in two days
>could defeat Iran in 30 minutes
>everyone wants to be like us
>we have the most money
>we spend half of our money on the military so people know what's up
>we have great allies like Israel
>can invade any country we want
>300k starting

>>71202156
Go ahead, it's all yours my friend.

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>>71202105
>>71202436
>>71202760
>>71203020
>>71203230
>>71203559
>>71203593
>>71203597
Let me tip you some (You)s for all this amazing work

>>71203230
>the life of a black american

>>71203706
So the life of 40% of america?

>>71203780
blacks are surprisingly only 13% of our country, our non whiteness largely comes from Hispanics and Italians

>>71203593
>American soldier trained to highest degree
>lost at nam
>Spent decade in afghanistan
>Left its soldiers in afghanistan
>Took years to acomplish anything in Iraq
>Still can't take down isis

>>71199352
based post

>>71201000
You also kept Osama Bin Laden safe and hidden near military headquarters in a comfy compound.

>>71203890
So there aren't any Hispanics in jail, only blacks?

Why deport them then

>>71199885
Why are the canadians sabotaging our food supply

>>71199662
This

>>71197729
Let's pronounce the words tomato, muslim, vitamins and the letter Z incorrcetly. Not as brits and aussies say.

>>71204131
A mutilatedPenis™ is more aesthetic than natural cock. They even last longer due to noFeel™ technology.

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>>71204080
>still believes this
Look up tim osman

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>>71197729
I don't want to.

>>71197930
"No, I won't sing the national anthem"
*gets lynched*

>>71204356
>make 29.1% more money
That's a significant pay bump desu

>>71200294
>HERE IS MY AMERICAN EXPRESS CHECK

>>71204288
And remember, you'll never have to worry about Smegma© ever again!

>>71204396
But that money would be spent on oil, health care and on dying sooner.

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YEE HAWW
GO GET DAT VARMINT

>>71204396
If you read the string above that, you'll realise that the 29.1% only applies to a very small part of the population. They probably went by the mean wages.

>>71199627
Fantabulous

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>>71203559

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>>71204731

>>71204396
It is a significant bump, but that's GDP per capita, and class divide in the US is much greater and the wealth distribution is more uneven; and then you add on expenditures like welfare, gas money, etc. At the end of the line I'd probably have less money anyway.

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>>71204779

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>>71204827

>be american
>kill someone
>be only punished financially

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>>71204876

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>>71204928

>>71202251
0,87866 ml

>>71204983
T.hank (you)

>>71204928
does it say "white" on his name plate? kek

>>71204356
At least you didn't die in infancy.

>>71205842
>average american man
I definitely respect that man, and I think he's a hero. He's not an average anything. Not an average American, or an average human.That's why he is a hero

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>>71206421
>Let's Roll
>Beamer tried to place a credit card call. With FBI agents listening in on their call, Beamer informed Jefferson that hijackers had taken over United 93, that one passenger had been killed, and mentioned the dead pilots. He also stated that two of the hijackers had knives, and that one appeared to have a bomb strapped around his waist. When the hijackers veered the plane sharply south, Beamer briefly panicked, exclaiming, "We're going down! We're going down!"[3][9][10]
>Following this, the passengers and flight crew decided to act.[3] According to accounts of cell phone conversations, Beamer, along with Mark Bingham, Tom Burnett, and Jeremy Glick formed a plan to take the plane back from the hijackers.[11] They were joined by other passengers in discussing their options and voting on a course of action, ultimately deciding to storm the cockpit and take over the plane.[3] Beamer told Jefferson that the group was planning to "jump on" the hijackers and fly the plane into the ground before the hijackers' plan could be followed through.[8][9] Beamer recited the Lord's Prayer and the 23rd Psalm with Jefferson, prompting others to join in. Beamer requested of Jefferson, "If I don't make it, please call my family and let them know how much I love them." After this, Jefferson heard muffled voices and Beamer clearly answering, "Are you ready? Okay. Let's roll." These were Beamer's last words.[3][9][10]
>According to the 9/11 Commission Report, after the plane's voice data recorder was recovered, it revealed pounding and crashing sounds against the cockpit door and shouts and screams in English. "Let's get them!" a passenger cries. A hijacker shouts, "Allahu akbar!" ("God is great"). The plane crashed into an empty field in Shanksville, Pennsylvania at 580 miles an hour, killing everyone on board. The plane was twenty minutes of flying time away from its suspected target, the White House or the U.S. Capitol Building in Washington, D.C.

>>71206807
how convenient

>>71200739
>BLACK AMERICAN
do you mean AFRICAIN AMERICAN ,ANON
THAT'S FAUKING RACIS

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>>71203020

I'm only 1/8 nigger but im white !!

>>71199885
Are those bay leaves?

>>71204356
Be 100% less likely to have a muslim immigrant rape your 10 yr old daughter