>be American >get shot

File: 1434158563085.jpg (43KB, 302x299px) Image search: [Google]

43KB, 302x299px

>>70106989
>be Australian
>pee by the tree

File: 1460940674021.jpg (301KB, 1080x1283px) Image search: [Google]

301KB, 1080x1283px

>>70106989
>by auss cunt
>get emu'd

File: abs.jpg (386KB, 1600x1200px) Image search: [Google]

386KB, 1600x1200px

>>70106989
>be Australian
>drink gas

File: IMG_1137.jpg (363KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

363KB, 1920x1080px

>>70107140
>Australia
>First world

What didja just call me, mate? I’ll have ya know I graduated top of my class in the Australian Army, and I’ve been involved in numerous beer sculling contests in Carlton, and I have over 300 slabs of XXXX drunk. I am trained in vocal abuse towards umpires and I am the top snag eater in the entire city of Carlton. You are nothing to me but a Collingwood fan. I will drop ya the fuck out with VB bottles the likes of which has never been smashed before on this Earth, mark my fucking words, mate. Ya think ya can get away with saying that bullshit to me over the Internet? Think again, mate. As we speak I am contacting Malcolm Turnbull and the Australian Federal Police and your IP is being traced right now so ya better prepare for the thunder, mate. The thunder that wipes out the pathetic little thing ya call your life. You’re fucking dead, prick. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can drop you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with by smashed bottle of VB and a cricket bat. Not only am I extensively trained in dropping pricks, but I have access to the entire shed of cricket bats of the Melbourne Cricket Ground and I will use it to its full extent to hit ya for out of the outback, you prick. If only ya coulda known what bullshit your little “clever” backchat was about ta bring down upon ya, maybe ya woulda held your fucking tongue. But ya couldn’t, ya didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, mate. I will shit fury all over ya and you’re gonna drown in it. You’re fucking dead, mate.

>>70106989
>be Australian
>fall into space

File: 1438920602929.jpg (17KB, 250x245px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 250x245px

>>70106989
>be australian
>housing bubble
>games are good $50 more expensive
>tramp stamp on flag
>everything is venomous, from dogs to sisters
>mommy has a belly pouch
>ping 400+ with data cap to slow down on that supersonic 1.5 Mb/s """"Internet""""
>struggle to load up about:blank
>smear vegemite on your wooden cables to boost the signal as petrol shaman instructed
>have a Gaytime that is hard to have on your own
>celebrate National Sorry Day
>go to Canada as a girl, get drunk and frostbitten during a nap outdoors in February
>go to Bali and get burned
>be tasmanian, be inbred
>get cancer due to the lack of ozone layer
>get glassed
>get fucked by Wei Long
>get shot by Muhammad the Pinoy
>get stomped by emus
>get kicked by cassowaries
>get stung by platypus and live in horrible world of pain for months
>get bitten by spiders in your closet
>get in the water and step on a venomous sea urchin
>get stung by a 4mm jelly fish
>get curb stomped in kings cross
>get privilege checked in lelbourne
>get chlamydia from koala
>get anthrax from wombat
>get fucked by kangaroo
>get rused by NBN Co. site
>get invaded by chinks
>get bit by snake in shower
>get kids stolen by dingos
>get laughed at by two Polacks on /int/
>get nuked by fucking Brits of all people
>get mocked by New Zealanders
>get outside and fall into the pit because the world literally hasn't rendered yet
>lose all wars, even against allegedly lesser beings
>huff petrol, bubble and drink cow piss from a goon sack
>2 0 1 6
>0 * * 1
>1 * * 0
>6 1 0 2

>>70107263
Took a poo in the loo before at work, didnt flush it because our cleaner is Polish haha, wanted to welcome her to the new building

File: keks of heaven.jpg (80KB, 831x960px) Image search: [Google]

80KB, 831x960px

>be australian
>be sorry

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Sorry_Day

File: 1470519187726.png (246KB, 327x316px) Image search: [Google]

246KB, 327x316px

>>70107323
>Australians can't flush their toilets due to water shortage
>they're flushing with sand and spider husks instead

>>70107366
We flush it down your country men and womens mouths lad

>>70107492
>being this ass blasted

File: 1478203540179.jpg (23KB, 640x559px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 640x559px

>>70107492
>Australian ministry of damage control at its finest

File: 1459125190754.jpg (13KB, 213x270px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 213x270px

>>70107073
>>70107238

WTF? I love Poland and Mexico now.

File: images.png (7KB, 240x210px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 240x210px

>Be Aussie
>Throw boomerang
>It doesn't come back

File: sparkle.png (156KB, 330x319px) Image search: [Google]

156KB, 330x319px

>>70106989
>be american
>get shot
>be short
>take shart