Untranslatable jokes

que animal tiene entre 3 y 4 ojos? el piojo

ojo= eye, so 3,14 ojos.

Do you want to hear a joke? The cat with the tie.
I'm not sure your lesser minds can appreciate superior norwegian humor but I'll try to explain it to you.
In norwegian, "joke" and "tie" rhyme, making it hilarious.

I couldn't find the patty, guess why ? Because he patty.

ketä eläimellä on 3 ja 4 välillä silmiä? piisilmä

slimä = eye, so 3,14 eyes

Your dad is arumku?

The joke is that the other person says ''lo'', which means no, and ''arum kulo'' means ''totally naked''

What did Michael Jackson do in an elevator? Had sex with a child.

painaa means "to press" but it can also mean "to have sex with"

nappula means button but it can also mean child

A: "oh, can you really speak English? Then translate peixe, bola, gato"

B: "easy: fish, ball, cat"

The trick is that those words are similar to "fiz boquete", fiz = did, boquete = blowjob.

File: 1363135076412.jpg (5KB, 226x250px) Image search: [Google]

5KB, 226x250px

>>69828771
Spanish comes from Latin too, so it makes sense that the joke still holds, However...

>>69829049
wtf, Finland? talk about a coincidence...

- Say 300
- 300
- Suck a tractor-driver's dick

>>69829606
What is the most indecisive animal? The donkey (in italian it's "asino" and sì/no mean yes/no)

File: hNxX3TJfnHk.jpg (79KB, 770x716px) Image search: [Google]

79KB, 770x716px

>>69829606
Also if someone says "no" you can reply "faggot's answer" because it rhymes "Nyet - pidora otvet"

>>69829606
I got a simillar.
-How much is 100 + 1?
-101.
-Haha you seat in what?

What happened when the policeman looked at himself in the mirror?

The civil policeman,

The joke is that civil police is a type of police in brazil and the civil policeman is pronounced the same as the policeman saw himself.

- What animal is a double animal? The cat, because it is a cat and spider.
- Then your mom is one too, because she is a fox and cobra.

*explanation*
Spider is "araña" in Spanish, but "araña" is also the 3rd p sg of "arañar" (to scratch), so the sentence says "it's a cat and it scratches".
The female fox (zorra) is another word for "whore", and we have the snake's name "cobra" like English. However, "cobrar" means "to get paid" -> cobra = she gets paid -> you mom is a whore and gets paid for that.

File: ayylmaoo.jpg (32KB, 318x308px) Image search: [Google]

32KB, 318x308px

>>69828984
>>69829870

>>69828984
This reminds me of...

"Want to hear a piada (joke)?"
"Piu."

Uma piada = a chirp and piu is the sound of a chirp.

>>69829337
the fuck, how you end up having the same word for both button and child is beyond my understanding

>>69830133
because it was a custom "to press some button" in small villages, if you know what i mean.

How old are you? (Or more literally how many years do you have?)

15

Oh, so you have 15 anuses :--DDD

The joke is that anos (years) and anus (anus) have the same pronunciation.

>>69829337
> can't tell if serious

>>69830205
luckily I dont

>>69830133
Why do (insert people with a stupid stereotype here) never cook? Because once they enter the kitchen, they see a pot with the word "salt".

We have the same word for "salt" and "get out" :-DDDD

>>69829911
This reminds me of a Hebrew one

''Why are an elephant and a horse three animals?''

There is no answer, the joke is that the word for ''why'' in he Hebrew is ''lama''.

>>69826353
A man buys a hat.
Is is just to him.

>>69830381
How do you call a Jew in space?
Ufojudek
Because ufoludek is a silly name for an alien, and judek obviously is jude.

>>69830224
anos :::::DDDDD

>>69829789
Explaining:
100 = cem
1 = um
101 = cento e um
"cento" has the same pronunciation as "sento", which means "I sit". So "cento e um" sounds like "sento em um" (I sit in a...). From here, you know the deal.

An infinite number of physicists walk into a bar
Barman tells them:
- Get the fuck out

>>69829047 has an African accent and pronounces "parti" as "patty".
Parti, here, means "to leave". He couldn't find the patty because he left.

File: 14452558336230.jpg (47KB, 595x530px) Image search: [Google]

47KB, 595x530px

>>69830566
my game is over
with sauce

>>69826353
A bear walks in the forest
He sees a burning car
Bear sits in it and burns

When I was 15 I used to take a shit and my dad had been ocasionally hanging out around the toilet asking me why I was so silent. First time I didn't respond so he tried to force open the door shouting: "Why are you keeping silence, what's going on there?" He started swearing and tellong me he's gonna knock down the door, also he used to swear when I forgot to flush the toilet, not only after I took a shit, but even right after the shit left my asshole saying that it stank. He used to tell me: "When I just took a shi I always flush it down and you have to do the same!" One day I was sitting on the toilet and heard that my dad stood right next to the door, so I wipe my ass and got on my knees - there's a chink under the door - so I watch through the chink and see my dad on his knees looking at me through the chink saying: "What's wrong with you? What the hell are you doing there?" By the way dad always drinks some decoction which makes him take a dump often, like 5 times a day, then he complains his ass is sore and farts. That's fucked up! That's a real story I'm not a troll.

>>69830224
You reminded me of another one:
> What did one slide say to the other one?
>The years fly (the time flies).
Explanation: "Ânus" (anus) has the same pronunciation as "Anos" (years), so people's asses go through the slides really quickly, therefore "os ânus passam rápido" (the anuses pass by fastly), which sounds the same as "os anos passam rápido" (time flies).

What is the world's biggest rice?
Paris.

riisi = rice
Pariisi = Paris

File: what have i done.jpg (22KB, 277x213px) Image search: [Google]

22KB, 277x213px

What did the acorn say when he grew up? or What is a tree's favorite subject?
Geometry!

>Gee, I'm a tree!

>>69830985
Your a big rice.

>>69829606
- Say 300
- 300
- My dick is a bike and your ass is a race track

- Say 200
- 200
- I will place my dick in you

- Say 100
- 100
- I will fuck you under a leaf

>>69830985
>>69831015
>>69831030
kek

>>69830741
It sounds funny in English, but what does it mean in Russian?

>>69830876
Is this a pun? Because I heard this a few times and I always assumed it was just some sort of collective Russian autism

The little Pepa goes around Prague during socialism times and yells: "Lenin! Lenin! Where are you?"
A policeman goes by and stops him: "Pepa, why are you screaming here like that? Comrade Lenin is long time dead, don't you know that?"
"But comrade officer, our comrade techer told us, that Lenin is eternal."
"Yeah Pepa you see," says the policeman "you are here in Žitná street!"

hahahaha

>>69831264
>I always assumed it was just some sort of collective Russian autism
it is

Here's a chemistry one:
>Why are the hammer and the scissors hydrocarbons?
>Because the hammer is propyne and the scissors are propane.

Explanation: "Propino" (propyne) sounds like "Pro pino" (for the pin or "nail") and "Propano" (propane) sounds like "Pro pano" (for the fabric), so the hammer is for the pin/nail and the scissors are for the fabric (to cut it).

>>69831289
the joge pun explained:

eternal is in Czech "věčný"
and there are two main famous streets in Prague, one called Žitná (Rye street) and the other Ječná (Barley street). So when Pepa says that teacher told him "Lenin je věčný" = Lenin is eternal, the officer understood that as "Lenin je v Ječný" = Lenin is in Barley street, which sounds completely the same. But Pepa and officer were in Rye street instead.
It's a joke on policeman being dumb.

>>69830794
Je trouvais pas le steak, parce qu'il steak haché.
ptdr tu piges ?????

>>69829789
How much is 100 + 1?
101
Do you feel what?

>What is the fastest place in a house?
>The hallway.

Explanation: "Corredor" (hallway) also means "Runner".

>>69831612
>brazilian home with sonic-themed hallway walls

>>69831676
keku

File: 1471123959043.jpg (198KB, 512x512px) Image search: [Google]

198KB, 512x512px

>>69831676

two hunters meet each other in the forest. both dead.

the joke: in german the word for meet and hit as in "hit a target with a shot" is the same. epin

Schrödinger and Heisenberg are driving to the the conference.
Schrödinger is behind the wheel.
Suddenly, they hear a bang and stop the car.
Heisenberg looks out on the road:
- My God, it seems like you run down a cat!
- Is it dead?
- I am not really sure.

>>69832006
It's not the funniest joke ever but still a joke

>>69826353
I think this one doesn't require an explanation
Which turkish city has the most car? Kars.

The most overrated joke in Brazil:
-Hey i made pavê
-But its to look or to eat?

("Pavê" sounds like "para ver/pra ver/pa ver", it means "to look" in english)

>>69826353
Here is a famous Russian prison riddle:
There are 2 chairs. One has blade-sharp peaks on it's seat, another one - erected dicks.
Which one would you sit on yourself, and other one leave for your mother?

Why did a student bring a space suit to physical education class?
Teacher said the class is once per month

What kind of food one can eat on both Earth and moon?
Hot food

>>69832178
Hey, uncle.

>>69832205
top kek we have the same here

>>69832205
Ur mum on ur dick ur ass on razor blades

>>69831531
this will not work in Spain

What do you call a guy who thinks he is a knife?

Janusz.


Janusz is a name, and it sounds pretty much the same as Ja nóż, which means literally I knife.

>>69832519
holy kek

Who do you call when a child falls out of the window?
the childcare
childcare = kinderopvang
kinder (child) opvang (to catch something)

File: Patty.jpg (164KB, 820x612px) Image search: [Google]

164KB, 820x612px

>>69829047
>>69831491
I couldn't find the beef, because it ground beef.
I couldn't find the steak, because it hamburger steak.
"Il steak haché" sounds like "He had hidden himself" in French.
>Patty

>>69828984
want to hear a joke?

two tits in an envelope

in dutch

>>69826353
Somewhere in america:
- How many people are in your party?
- around 150000
- You fucking commie spy

Woraus werden deutsche Autos gemacht? Aus deutschem Stahl.
Woraus werden französische Autos gemacht? Aus französischen Stahl.
Woraus werden polnische Autos gemacht? Aus Diebstahl!

What are German cars made of? German steel.
What are french cars made of? French steel
What are polish cars made of? Theft!

The joke is that steel is Stahl in German, which is also present in the word Diebstahl (theft), and Poles stealing everything is a meme here in Germany

File: hahaha-classic-1165541.png (146KB, 500x440px) Image search: [Google]

146KB, 500x440px

>>69830965

>>69826353
In Portuguese:
How do you say AIDS in Japanese?
>Darokumata

Why?
Because the dog's name is Rex.

What?
A row of shit.

>>69829606
Similar
-Say tulip
-Tulip
-Ur mum sucked a cock

-Sakyk tulpė
-Tulpė
-Tavo mama bybį čiulpė

it just rhymes well

>>69830133
Because children are small and so are buttons usually

>>69830250
It's a well-known joke

>>69829571
Ye mane I was thinking the same

>>69830593
i don't speak bulgarian but doesn't 'ufo' just come from UFO and not just because it sounds weird

>>69832512
An ancient Roman asks another:
- How was this TV show about aliens called? The one where they ate rats?
- V.
- I stick it into your ass

a guy enters into a coffee. *splash*

>>69832519
>az noj
>anything to do with ya noj
nice going cucklad

>>69834719
that was easy

>>69834458
dont think he's bulgarian

AN-12 havada partladi.
Translated as "AN-12 exploded in the air", sounds exactly like "Your mum's cunt exploded in the air".

>>69834937
>muslim
>jokes about explosions
that escalated quickly, Narim

>>69834719
AJAJKSJAJKS

>>69834798
what was a spit doing on a ladder? it climbed

>>69829606
trista-traktorista? don't know what the first half of the sentence would be though

>>69835049
AN-12 is a russian plane, so it's bound to malfunction and explode in the air, Ivan.
Nothing muslim about that.
Also, that's not a name.

File: tuber.jpg (241KB, 800x600px) Image search: [Google]

241KB, 800x600px

>>69834456
What did Michael Jackson do on the potato field?
- Planted his seeds in children
"Mukula" means tuber but it can also mean a child

>>69834798
if you put the muzzle on the maw, where do you put the trowel

a guy goes to the doctor and says:
doctor, doctor, look, a lot of hair grew on me ! look on my arms, on my legs, on my hands, even on my face ! what is this? what do I suffer?
doctor: you suffed a bear

there's no explanaition, it's just a pun with the doctor speaking like a retard.

>>69835182
>Antonov
>Russian plane

>>69831800
in irish the words for "meet" and "hit" are the same, so i kinda get it

File: kek.jpg (504KB, 2048x1536px) Image search: [Google]

504KB, 2048x1536px

Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7, 8, 9!

>>69835327
Antonov was literally born in russian kingdom, ivan. You're not fooling anyone.

>>69835444
>444
>trips
nice!

>>69835377
>watching dubbed dexter's laboratory when I was 7 or something
>there's one episode that's entirely about this joke
>they translate it literally
>I don't understand anything

A businessman steps of a train and sees an Amerindian holding a sign. The sign says "will remember anything for $5"
The man hands over $5 and asks the Indian what he had for breakfast on 10 July, 3 years before. The Indian thinks for a second and replies "Eggs and bacon."

10 years later, same man gets off the same teain, and the same Indian holding the same sign is there. The man has completely forgotten him. He walks up, puts his hand up and jokingly says "How". The Indian replies, "scrambled."

>>69835516
>dexter
>was 7
You have to be over 18 years old to access this website.

>>69835620
Not sure if it was censored in soviet union, but dexter's laboratory exists since 1996.

>>69835620
I'm 27 and I grew up watching dexter's lab m8
I was 6 when it started airing.
stop being retarded.

>>69835620
It was released in 96, so he's at least 28, m8.

>>69835683
>>69835700
He probably thought about Dexter tv series.

>>69835516
>dexter's laboratory
Brings back so many memories
I miss being a child without a worry

Katt åt hink, spann
Cat ate bucket, purred
(Spann also means bucket)
Katt åt linjal, blev mätt
Cat ate ruler, became full
(Mätt means both full and measured)
Katt åt elskåp, blev proppmätt
Cat ate power supply junction box, became full
(Proppmätt means very full, propp means fuse)
Katt åt glödlampa, lös i magen
Cat ate incandescent lightbulb, diarrhea
(Lös i magen means both diarrhea (lit. loose in the stomach) and shone/lit in the stomach)
Katt åt fjärdedel, bråk i magen
Cat ate ¼, fight in stomach
(Bråk means fight as in conflict, disagreement as well as fraction)

>be a little kid
>be watching the simpsons
>famous Uruguay joke happens
>he just pronounces it weird
>people loved it
>I don't get it, ask people
>you're just to young to get it anon

I think my fellow countrymen are genuinely retarded.

>>69834458
Yeah, I'm not Bulgarian, and yeah, the ufo comes from the UFO, but "ludek" is a silly way of saying "guy" or something like that. So ufoludek means literally ufo-guy.

>It's black and has white leafs, what is it?
>A negro postman
in Hungarian "levél" can mean both leaf and letter

What do you call a Japanese prostitue?

Nagasuka

The joke is that nagasuka sounds like a legit nip word, and naga suka literally means naked bitch in polish.
There were plenty of those "what's a Japanese X called" jokes, but I can't recall many now. You get the point. Polish and Japanese seem to have similar pronunciation.

Nice thread favelamonkey

>>69836479
We've got many of those in France as well

>>69837084
Tell some. It's hard for me to imagine French sounding Jap/Chinese or so.

>>69836479
>"what's a Japanese X called" jokes
Luso's have those too >>69834093

We wanted a hi-tech, but eventually left it as it is.

The joke is that to leave something alone without even trying to improve anything would sound similar to hi-tech - 'хaй тaк'. Sorry untranslatable stuff.

>>69836479
What's the name of the japanese wrestler?
Yayami Omate.

>>69836479
Kek we have something similar
Do you know why can't you make a water mill turn just by carrying water? Because tashimasu is a Japanese name.
Taşıma su means carried water

>>69837084
Yamamoto Kadérapé xDDDD

>>69837703
>yayami omate
which kinda sounds like (to hit) with testicles on the mat

>>69837902
Give is the chinese egg seller

>>69833183
The kekest

> what is the best type of cheese to get a bear out of a cave?
> camembert

>>69839365
Quality dad joke tbqh.

>>69839365
You say it "come on Bear" ? :S

>>69839365
does it work better in an aussie accent?

>>69833183
Lel

>>69835516
They subtitled it here and i also didn't get it at the time

>>69841144
What the heck? Cartoon Network never had subtitles or dubbing, mate. I watched it in English. Heck, CN and Pokemon was how I learned the language, pretty much.

Vai um preto a um bar e pede um chá.
O bartender pergunta 'chá verde ô preto'
Ao que o preto responde
'pode ser'

>>69841202
You're absolutely correct. I guess i mixed memories or something. I remember it also airing on rtp2 a few years later and indeed subtitled i reccon

"doctor, doctor, I feel bad"
"Then remain standing"

Me siento in Spanish can mean both I sit or I feel.

>>69841469
Sinto and Cinto (pronounced the same) mean (I) Feel and Belt.

File: 23435612344.jpg (79KB, 312x434px) Image search: [Google]

79KB, 312x434px

"What?"
"Your trousers are wet."

We germans are fucking hilarious

>>69841202
>Cartoon Network never had subtitles or dubbing, mate
What? We had a polish dub on everything. And it was very good, too.

t. Pole

>>69841693
It was a cable channel, and it was literally the same as the American channel, ads and everything, only 1 week late, I think. I think it was one of the only ones.

Most cartoons are dubbed, but nothing else. Subtitles are the usual way.

Why does a pedophile ha e a cellar?
To store potato sprouts.

Potato sprout = mukula
Mukula also means a kid.

>>69829504
If you say the words nice, ten, rice, cows out loud in English you just said "the raping of the women (plural)" in Finnish.

Naistenraiskaus.

Then there is "translate black fire gay to Finnish"

Black fire gay = musta tuli homo = I became a homo

A woman comes to a doctor
- doctor, I am extremely tired
- and I am from Star Wars

The joke is that extremely tired = skonana, which sounds like z Conana, so "from Conan". I assume you're familiar with Conan the barbarian?

>>69841693
>>69841780
Here CN offers both dubs and subs. I usually go with the subs because they pick some random niggers for the voicing that can't even speak Portuguese.

>>69841993
>random niggers that can't even speak Portuguese.
Really set yourself up, there, didn't you?

But yeah, documentary narrators and cartoons aside we only use subtitles.

A guy from belgium and germany are sitting at the bar, the german Asks "wats deine werk?" the Belg replies "timmerman" german guy says "was sagen sie?!" belgium guy replies "planken" the german guy replies "was magst du?!!?" belgium guy says "houten kisten"

Xdddddddd

Two grandmas went to a berry, the other one could not fit.

To go gather berries in Finnish can be said as to "go inside a berry"

>>69829504
>fiz sounding like fish
>>>/sugar cane farm/
fucking severinos

A major police mobilization takes place due to a bank robbery by a Japanese gang driving a Kombi. When the gang is jailed and interrogated, they say their names:

>Sartamo Obanko = assaltamos o banco = we robbed the bank
>Matamo Okasha = matamos o caixa = we killed the cashier
>Kontiro Nosako = com tiro no saco = with a shot at the balls
>Katamo Osnique = catamos os níqueis = we grabbed the nickels/money
>Saimo Koreno = saímos correndo = we left running
>Fujimo Nakombi = fugimos na kombi = we run away in a Kombi car
>Osguarda Pararo = os guardas pararam = the cops halted us
>Tomamo Noku = tomamos no cu = we got wrecked/fucked