ITT: surreal experiences while traveling abroad
>be in Lisbon this past August
>be hungry, decide to get lunch
>find a café in the Baixa which looks authentic enough (no english on the signs)
>Order my bifana and beer, all in Portuguese
>old dude next to me at the counter just starts talking to me
>"Tu és francês?"
>"Não, sou Americano."
>he starts speaking to me in a weird mix of PT and French
>I ask him if he's Portuguese
>He says yes and shows me his PNR (far right party) membership card
>He goes into this incoherent rant about muslims and chinese and starts bragging about how he fought in the colonial wars
>Doesn't seem to mind me, an obvious foreign tourist
>Walking through shopping center
>Turn the corner
>See a midget pushing a wheelbarrow full of bread rolls
>I smile at him
>He turns to me and says "No croissants today, boss"
>wat
>>68453362
Which cunt was this?
>be in britain
>everyone is driving in the wrong side of the road
>we rent a Ford Focus to try it too
>do ok in the road, completely forget in a roundabout
>see like 5 guys putting their hands in their head
>smile at them and wave
>>68453382
USA
I am Greek
>>68453246
It's my grandpa, sorry.
>>68454161
Something tells me there are other insane war veteran PNR supporters in Lisbon.
>>68453362
This is an old one.
>>68453246
>how he fought in the colonial wars
>Anyone alive from the days of the colonies
Lad....
>>68456474
Are you serious?
>>68456522
African countries don't count.
>>68456628
There were still colonial wars, mate. And people who fought in them are still alive (about 65-80 y.o.)
Plot twist: we won.
>>68456664
>Fighting against malnourished Africans
>A Victory
>>68456664
hehe usa china and ussr team up on portugal
>>68456693
Armed/sheltered by the US, the USSR, China and most of their African neighbours.
It was basically Vietnam, except we actually won. I don't think anyone but us ever really won against guerrilla warfare.
>>68456715
Typical global superpower bantz.
>>68453246
>be in Ameriba
>go in Walmart to find if memes are real
>most people are fat but no one seems to poop themselves
>go outside and get shot
>go back netherland
boring
>>68453246
>be American intellectual in Russia
>scruffy, bald dude approaches me and says "would you like go to the zone"
>"s-sure"
>not sure what to make of it
ive never left australia never ucking will fucking hhopefuly i never have to go to the fuckign eastern states
>>68456870
did you shart in the zone
>>68456910
that's classified
>>68453246
>Be in Canada
>Completely unable to have fun at all
Really makes you think...
>went to italy
>try and be nice
>90 of% all people are utterly rude
>eat nice pasta
>nice beach
what is up with them? not my fault that I am more better looking than them. is it insecuirty?
>>68456664
>Africans supported by both the soviets and the americans
wat
>>68453382
r9k
>>68453246
Murrika
At a party
Grill in the group ask where I'm from (British surname with obvious accent)
I say chile
She ask if my dad was murrikan
Told her that my dad's family was from ireland
She replies that I totally got the black Irish look
I went into a drunk rant about how all niggers in Chile were killed, my ancestry, used the word mongrel, say something about the Jews, and that I don't look like the singer of thin lizzy
my murrikan friends are laughing
The girls are shocked
And I felt like a total retard when I remember what a black Irish is.
>>68457008
I went to Italy and found it to be the other way around, most of the Italians I've met were surprisingly nice. The only people who were rude were the pakistani/indian immigrants.
>>68453246
I was shocked when I took a cab in Uruguay, they have this meme partition between the passager sits and the driver, it was bizzare, didn't knew Montevideo was so dangerous
>>68457354
It's to prevent the accidental transmission of gayness from the driver to the passenger(s)
>latvia
>jump fence of strawberry farm to steal some
>head towards the greenhouse
>in the distance theres a shed in the far corner of the farm
>continue to the strawberries and fill a small shopping bag full of them
>speed walking back towards the part of the fence i jumped over
>see legs on the ground near the shed that i couldnt see before
>change my course slightly to get a closer look
>looks like someone's taking a nap?
>got a closer look and the see the colour of the skin on his hands were like purple
>he ded
>cold chills run down my body
>nope
>run off with my strawberries
>be in Itaaaaliaaano mammimmatti Monte bellucosmosos
>Strolling through a tomato farm
>See a 9.97/10 walking by
>Have to wank, had to wank, wanked
>End up jizzing on a tomato vine
>See qt coming back from afar and falling near the vine I wanked
>She ends up pregnant from my jizz and still doesn't know who is the father
Mamma Mia!
>>68457258
kek