/brit/

2016 has been such a solid year

dropping a bollock

having a wank

want everyone who posts ITT to die

wanking a bollock

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Going to london next week. I was wondering if escort agencies in London are reputable. Anyone know which ones are trustworthy?

invest in a cheap pair of wireless headphones lads, trust me

needed a shit 20 minutes ago

>>67519720
>>67519676
same fag

>>67519746
no I am not the one they call Matthew Ludford

>>67519720
which ones

whats with all the threads about black qts on /int/

I'll invest your penis into me.

making an arrangement

>>67519713
>leaving netherlands to fuck prozzies
pourquoi

>>67519756
dunno haha just went on amazon and found the most popular pair for £20

>>67519771
he probably started watching British JOI videos and got hooked on the accent

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I like you, /brit/

>>67519771
Amsterdam is a fucking hell for prostitues. Majority is ugly and imported from the east.

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>>67519713

>>67519788
fair

taxation is theft

idea for a gimmick: seamlessly integrate pink floyd lyrics into my posts and see who notices

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>>67519795
>gifts

>>67519795
would rather fuck a junkie for 50 quid than that

>>67519771
Have you seen the fucking state of Amsterdam's whores? Absolute munters. Half of them are fat niggers.

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>>67519795
why would anyone pay that much money for sex
for 4000 dollars i could get 400 goonbags

i love this fucking man
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYoY37jcW24

if anyone doesn't recognize the first clip, it's when he mocked a disabled reporter who was doing hit pieces on him

>>67519850
lies

>>67519879
I was I was lying.

remove the slug immediately
add more yeris

>>67519834
we don't need no education to see that coming mate

>>67519790
>>67519850
>actually GOING to the red light district
the state of both of you, you can just call them for them to come over

>>67519889
*wish

>>67519655
if British Empire stands for world peace, why did you start WW2?

>go to Amsterdam
>get a bit drunk at a bar
>locals pull my willy out
(this is referencing another thread on /int/ and did NOT actually happen, I am NOT gay)

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really makes you think huh

>>67519910
I wasn't looking them to shag em lad, I was there with the lads.

>>67519910
its a tourist attraction dumb nigger

>>67519786
link

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YmwrJW8f90

Got called a kafir in east london lads

>>67519795
>£4000 to stick your dick in a fat old loose argentinian plastic junkie cumrag
dunno why when you could just get on tinder, or spend like 3-5 quid on a drink in a club/bar.

>>67519949
I went to a bar in Amsterdam and one of the locals whipped his nob out and started shouting NOTORIOUS CONOR MCGREGOR at us.

if caffeine is legal then speed should be too

>>67519952
man the far left really has to justify to itself its in the right haha

>>67519952
accurate and thought provoking

>>67519999
literally all me haha

I've only ever did sexual things with one (1) girl I met at a bar (not including making out)

She was on her period so she sucked me off in some park near by

who /anarchocommunist/ here?

>>67519999
>can't even pay a woman to let you fuck them

>>67519999
so glad irish nationalism is inclusive doesnt take the form of superiority like english nationalism does

Lads, found my friend is trying to fuck some married woman this saturday.

I've doxxed all concerned parties, what do /brit/?

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hmm

>>67520052
Fuck up, you stupid nigger. You're not Irish.

>>67520052
>brits out pakis in!

>>67519953
the ones dancing in front of a fucking window will be the bottom of the barrel desu

Got an easy lay lined up for this Saturday lads haha
Cheeky older lady as well

>>67520066
I am though

i'm an anarcho-capitalist

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>tfw to smart to reproduce

>>67520053
Inform the husband, of course.

>>67520061
i don't listen to music much 2bh i don't really care for it

>>67520066

>only northern irish unionists are truly Irish despite hating Irish culture and roleplaying some 19th century fantasy world of the biritsh empire

ok

>>67520099
rather think I might

Anarcho-fascist here

>The UK High Street is losing another brand following the sale of Staples, the stationery specialist, to a restructuring company.

ah yes, the brexit

Do northern irish and ireland proper have the same accent?

>>67520066
>>67520075
bigots
race has nothing to do with nationality You're probably just angry because a nice irish-nigerian boy stole your gf :)

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We are the Anglo

Lower your borders and surrender your people. We will add your technological and cultural distinctiveness to our own. Your people will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile

ARYAN sentiment. Compassion, guilt, empathy - they're irrelevant.

You question us about the ARYAN but why would we assimilate that which is of no inherent value to the COMMONWEALTH. They were weak, they were troublesome, they were better off destroyed than allowed to live. I will continue aboard this board to speak for the ANGLO. While they continue, without further diversion, to the ARYANLAND, where they will force their unconditional surrender.

ARYANS! We used to be exactly like them. Flawed. Weak. Autistic. But we evolved to include other peoples. Now we use both to attain perfection. Your goal should be the same as ours.


I've overseen the colonisation of countless millions. You will be no different.

We are the ANGLO. You will be colonised. Resistance is futile.

Prepare to be beaded

http://www.strawpoll.me/11671886
http://www.strawpoll.me/11671886
http://www.strawpoll.me/11671886

>>67520061
>tfw one of my "imagining situations that will never exist" scenarios actually happened
>tfw it went even better than I imagined
>until I blew it and she stopped talking to me
Hahaha life is great haha

>>67519973

I think she's Hungarian mate but your point stands

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Should I make this my profile picture?

what compels a woman to become a so-called slag?

>>67520141

People living along the border have the same accent

>>67520141
no its literally only in America and Canada where everyone has the same accent no matter what part of the country they're from

>>67520115
I'm a Northern Irish Fenian. The only true Irishman left.

>>67520155
Fuck off back to Africa, nigger

Fuck the queen

>>67520159
i am anglo

>>67520167
elaborate please i want something to imagine tonight

>>67520159
shan't be reading this

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>>67520207

>>67520188
no reprimand for promiscuity

you'd do it too if you could

>>67520138
>putting materialism above the future of the british people

*hangs you*

>>67520188
jew controlled media

>>67520202
Thats not true though

>>67520250
Why are you posting a picture of your family's mud hut, nigger?

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"I-It's just an image of a roasted barley malt grain! I swear its not a vagina!"

>>67520202
no that's Australia and New Zealand

>>67520202
It's the same here 2bh
There's some differences between classes but by and large they're pretty much the same, a bogan from Perth will sound the same as a bogan from Brisbane

Only real difference is the poncey twats in South Australia

>>67520291
gonna have a wank to this

lads how is drumpf becoming president being recieved in the UK?

Got assaulted by the police today lads

Was selling mushrooms and the pigs said i wasnt allowed

Asked for a lawyer and they refused

Pepper spray and everything

>>67520340
Can't go selling mushrooms in public Rick

>>67520291
mmmmm
beergina

>>67520338
evil racist bigot islamophobe

>>67520240
It was just one of my girl meeting fantasies, where she did all the work. Me minding my own business, she approaches me, starts talking, gets my number, asks me out. And she did all of that, but there was stuff in there that I hadn't imagined, like her confessing how badly she wanted so much as a hug from me, or begging me to carry her around on my shoulders or thar time we started spontaneously slow dancing together.

I fucked it all up though.

>>67520188
some girls just like to play around
a girl once told me she loves the feel of being pumped full of cum and went into quite a lot of detail on the actual feeling. was a bit awkward if I'm honest, especially when she told me she never uses condoms because she can't feel the cum inside her

>>67520291
did they misspell extra large for extra larger

>>67520390
All women like the feeling of being pumped full of cum

Can we stop using the n world please

Thank you

>>67520188
If you had the option to get laid literally every time you went outside you wouldn't take it?

>in America you get thrown in jail for committing murder

lolol land of the """"""free""""""

>>67520401
lager* oops

>>67520423
what planet do you want to inhabit instead

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>All women like the feeling of being pumped full of cum

>>67520389
>like her confessing how badly she wanted so much as a hug from me, or begging me to carry her around on my shoulders or thar time we started spontaneously slow dancing together.

I have two thoughts
i) wtf how can i get this to happen?
b) she was probably a bit mental

>>67520401
Lager is a type of beer
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lager

>>67520389
alri chad

>>67520390
know a lad like this. massive tattood muscled bloke. i said i wouldn't fuck him without a johnny though so he just sucked me off

things women are good at:
deceiving men
spending money

feel free to contribute

>>67520459
No idea on the first point, given it was so unlikely that it was literally fantasy until it happened. On the second point, she was probably the most well-adjusted person I've ever known, in truth.

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>>67520338
forgot pic

*starts spontaneously slow dancing with you*

>>67520514
was she an uggo? or are you just incredibly attractive?

>>67520390
how do you start a conversation with a girl about this sort of thing?

>>67520525
*goes in for a peck on the lips*
whoops, haha.

>>67520517
Just whining facilitated by the media given that December is historically a slow news month. It'll probably die down in the months after inauguration.

A lot of self-styled pakis have been moving into the neighbourhood. It's a rich area so seeing a driveway with 2 black cabs in is a tad disconcerting.

>>67520550
*charges across the club, knocking no less than three different women careening onto the floor*
*run between you two*
HEY, BUD! FUCK OFF, that person does NOT exist solely to be the subject of your sick and unwarranted sexual advances
*kicks your kneecap*

>>67520548
idk, not be autistic?
have you never flirted with a girl before?
helps if women are attracted to you

>>67520517
>drumpf wants to bring back jobs
>modern """socialists""" still fight him because he said a mean thing about stupid smelly pakis

Ahh yes

reckon I might give OkCupid a go
the other men there seem pretty shit

>tfw living within my means

16 year old girl keeps following me around at work
im 30
getting a bit awkward

don't get me wrong, she's fit, I'd shag her, but I'm 30 so there's a 14 year age gap

would you?

>>67520640
modern socialists still fight because they'd have to work

>>67520669
yea

>>67520669
yeah just don't tell anyone

>>67520669
How do you get followed around at work?

>>67520669
haha alright granddad

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>Nah look, women LOVE talking about having unprotected sex and feeling the cum being pumped into them. Just a bit of flirting

>>67520669
well for a start I wouldn't be 30, grandad haha
*turns cap backwards and takes off on a skateboard*
*kicks your petunias on my way past*

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feels like friday but it's only thursday

>>67520669
>would I shag a fit 16 year old
Yes, what kind of a stupid fucking question is that

daily reminder: haters try to keep me down but you'll never beat me

>>67520495
>Lying awake at nights fantasising about talking to girls
>Chad
Pick one.

>>67520539
She was easily an 8. Lads would actively try to approach her on the street and shit. I'm about a 6 on my best days.

>>67520669
you'll be a pseudo-nonce

>>67520669
posts like these make me feel like there may be light at the end of the tunnel yet. thanks anon

>>67520669
she's legal
what's the issue here?

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>>67520669

*beats you*

>>67520669
thats illegal in ireland so no i wouldn't you giant nonce

>>67520745
in sweden you can shag 14 year olds legally

>>67520769
17 here
I think spain its 13 haha

>>67520728
except I'm slim, good looking and look about 24, not 30

how about you?

>>67520717
maybe you were a 10 to her cause of a fetish or preference for something unusual

how'd you fuck it up

Why do orange juice labels say "cold pressed oranges"?

Don't care what temperature you pressed the oranges

>>67520745
Whats the age of consent in ireland?

>>67520805
pressed my dick into your mum last night, gayboy

>>67520805
it's to give it an even number of syllables

things sound better with an even number of syllables

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doing a listen to nostalgia-inducing songs lads

>>67520804
I'm a big lad, so maybe she could have a fetish for that, I don't know. I suppose my height is "something unusual".

>how'd you fuck it up
That's not a door I want to re-open.

>>67519938
an empire needs clean toilets

work coach wants me sectioned

>>67520825
17 for a girl
15 for a boy

>>67520851
Listening to soulja boy

>>67520805
haha what is the deal with that

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>>67520873
how does this make sense

>>67520873
wew
14 here

>>67520857
deep down you do or you wouldn't have brought it up :^)

>>67520825
I think the forumula is ((your age / 2) + 7)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrmMDVMq9pQ

doing a listen

>>67520918
I only brought it up because of your image m8.

Going to Estonia to shag a 14 year old

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Ballbusting posting has gone too far

>>67520945
nonce

>>67520964
>b-but the legal a-age is 14!!! its totally OK

>>67519973
but you need game to do that

was playing civ6 but the ai is dogshit
bit annoying

was at the supermarket last night and i told some girls "bet that's an unexpected item... eh girls?" and they screamed haha

>>67520988
civ 4 will always be the best

civ 6 multiplayers is great though

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCY3PZ-fL2k
;_; wish I kept my gamecube lads

>>67520988
playing as vicky atm 2bh

>>67520833
>be 3 syllables
>make it 5 syllables
>even
fuck are you on

>>67520979
have you never been in a club
easy pickings
as long as you're not fat and/or ugly

Business idea: Use the same amount of shampoo for smaller and bigger sizes, but for the bigger sizes add a load of junk that isn't shampoo but still sell the bigger size for more

>>67520896
i dunno we have a few weird laws leftover from when we were heavily religious

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>>67521068
>>67521068
>add a load of junk that isn't shampoo
like what

>>67520669
FONT nonce twat

>>67521094
like biscuits

no one cares about your morals lads

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>no one cares about your morals lads

Just stepped in urine with bare socks, lads

>>67521094
some sort of thick liquid idk

>>67521114
idk
any of these mongs saw this girl, given the chance, they'd be putting their penis in her bagina

>>67521094
sodium laureth sulfate desu

>>67521113
better make it digestives

i heard they're the most versatile biscuit

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me in the booth with the glasses and yellow shirt

>>67520945
estonian mafia heading to your house as we speak

>>67521162
Me in the white shirt

>>67521148
why not

delicious biscuitty hair

nomnom

>>67521162
me in the painting on the right

>>67521193
you're hot. x

>>67521171
Im Finnish police lad, i'll fuck them

>>67521162
>pizza

Eyes WIDE open people

>>67521162
me with no eyebrows about to mongle Hillary's cock

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>>67521214
cheers babe

>>67521162
me on the wall surfing on a pizza

>>67521223
why finland police fuck estonia???

>>67521162
>all those ugly feminist girls voting for Hillary solely because shes a woman

important poll
http://www.strawpoll.me/11672087

learned left and right in school by pointing my index and thumb finger into an L, the one with a correctly orientated "L" is the left and the one with a reversed "L" is the right

thought i'd share this bit of information with you all free of charge

>>67521272
Thats wrong you idiot

>>67521162
ah yes, the self-hating white male manlet, aka lefty

>>67521162
>Darkie is the only one even approaching qt in the entire room

Really says something to me on a deeper level that does

>>67521272
my misses still can't tell her left and right without checking which of her hands has a mole on it (it's the left one)
I catch her checking every time I give her directions

>>67521269
the men are worse
the nu male meme was the most spot on thing from /pol/ in a while

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>>67521270
>girl

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>>67521272
>tfw never been able to remember left from right

>>67521304
implying hilary isnt qt

>>67521293
you blind?

>>67521310
fuck off normie TWAT

IN:
Good lads
OUT:
Nonces

>>67521324
look at her left hand
you really want that pork scratching wrapped about your cock?

http://www.strawpoll.me/11672109
http://www.strawpoll.me/11672109
http://www.strawpoll.me/11672109

am suicidal me, but most of the methods are shit and dno how to get nitrogen and make an exit bag

>>67521270
don't understand why guys want low-maintenance girls
it's like choosing primark or armani

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put in an FOIA request on my own work to see everyone's emails

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>fantasising about giving a girl your number

Whats the longest you've gone without wanking?

Currently 3 days without a wank but believe the longest was a week

>>67521372
btw im a girl :3

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>>67521223
kek
You sure you wanna deal with them, lad?

I'm about to move to UK next year, what's some good city to live in, low rent and easy to find IT jobs?

changing the gf's colostomy bag

>>67521406
like 13 years

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>>67521403
give girls my number all the time, it's just that 90% of them never call back lel

genuinely feel sorry for you if you haven't slammed a 16 year old while in your mid 20s

>>67521419
Would heem any of those old twats

>>67521420
Peterborough

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkRY_kA2Aaw

>>67521420
hull

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>tfw beyond wanking for pleasure and now just do it to pass time

>>67521448
how do you even meet someone 8-10 years younger than you

>>67521403
this ad doesn't help
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3OXWL4F4iw

>>67521420
Jamesborough, Peterborough, Kevinborough or Johnathonborough

>>67521448
ive been there, but theyre always insecure and clingy

not liking this thread boys

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>>67521448
How do I come into contact with 16 year olds

>>67521463
You gotta do it slower and more gently lad

>>67521468
Work at a job so shitty they actually employ 16 year olds (read: minimum wage in a supermarket or fastfood)

>>67521448
>Implying I'm even in my 20's

alri grandad

>>67521468
>>67521491
nonces that can't get girls their own age, this was NOT the target audience for my original post
>>67521475
you're doing it wrong mate

>>67521471
the runt in this ad is so fucking ugly

what sort of race is that?

>>67521475
>but theyre always insecure and clingy

NEED a 16 year old gf

>>67521491
Go to highschool sporting events

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>>67521463
tfw watch porn just for entertainment rather than pleasure
tfw you write reviews on porn and rate them on artistic integrity

>>67521514
british

>>67521491
just hang around outside of highschools

guarantee I'm the only person ITT that's actually had sex

can tell by your runty replies

>>67521529
nah he's like half gook as well

>>67521513
what am I doing wrong exactly
i make it pretty clear im only looking to shag them, not date them

>>67521410
>not a single dab
haha alri gramps

how do i become better looking lads?

>>67521448
>britdegenerates

bit perplexed on how to make a function that can tell if two strings are one or zero edits away, where an edit is removing, inserting, or replacing a single character

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>>67521569
take hormones

>>67521569
by not eating so many big macs

>>67521569
Watch queer eye for the straight guy and take notes lad

>>67521569
Die and hope to reincarnate as a better looking person

>>67521569
Get a trendy haircut
Dress nice
Take care of your skin
Beard stubble
Fix your eyebrows
Workout

genuinely feel sorry for you

>>67521569
take tren + testosterone for a couple months and then dnp + testosterone for a couple months, then just testosterone

>>67521603
>Beard stubble
literally impossible for me

t. runt

>>67521590
google global edit distance (levenshtein distance) algorithm.

it's a "dynamic programming" (buzzword) solution that involes iterating over a 2D matrix and filling it in given a set of rules and initial integer values

the edit distance is the value in the bottom right cell.

>>67521553
hmm maybe you just picked a shitter then

>>67521623
be interested to see what would happen if you did this and didn't lift

>the children of tommorow will grow up with numale fathers and grandads

Absolutely tragic

>>67521553
this girl called laura was really into me for some reason, despite me treating her home like a hotel and her like a prostitute.
took her out once, shagged her, then told her I wasn't looking for a relationship. she said it was fine and we could just have fun and in the future if I changed my mind she'd be "there for me"
got bored of her and binned her off like a month later

i have a 16 year old fuckbuddy but its a lad

>>67521547
So australian?

>>67521623
>go bald
>get acne
great

>>67521590
first check whether the length of one is two or more characters longer than the other, then loop through the characters of each and compare to the other

Women deserve higher wages than men because of how much they have been put back through generations of oppression

@67521661
gay nonce

I'm so low that I can see under the skirt of an ant

>>67521661
turbononce

>not having a high maintenance 6ft slim mid 30s gf
im 24 and she's 37
looks better than most girls my age and she buys me shit like clothes and watches all the time

>>67521657
SUPERB lad

>>67521653
there's been studies comparing roids + no lifting, roids + lifting, and lifting without roids. roids without lifting got about the same upper body gains as roids with lifting, both much more than the no-roid group

>>67521689
>>67521700
you will NEVER know how good his tight twink arse feels on your cock

>>67521731
Lad how is it dating a cougar?

>>67521661
bit gay and a bit noncey that

>>67521032
cold pressed oranges is 6 syllables

>>67521731
shagged a 34 year old chubby alcoholic 7/10 last week

didn't realise I was into that sort of thing but I ended up cumming like a fucking fire hose

want a skinny yank gf

i am a virgin

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>when you spend your time off from work watching the history channel and shitposting on brit

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>>67521761

>>67521761
hot

>>67521666
i don't think that'd work, because they can be the same length but entirely different. and if one is just inserted, ie "abe" and "babe", the comparisons would all fail because of the offset

that cunt that was near dan murphys still here?

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normans roooooooooooooo

>>67521653
You'd die

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>normans roooooooooooooo

>>67521372
>7:3
the meme is true

>>67521788
well it's true, older women are better in bed
>>67521772
I'm basically being used for my body and receive monetary gain in return
ngl though, I'd do it for free
she's got these incredible legs and she's a genuinely nice person who goes out of her way to make me happy

think it's because she's so career focused, she's never had children and doesn't have the time for a real relationship
also lonlineless

NOTHING COMPARES TO (A QUIET EVENING ALONE)

>>67521800
But you don't have a life so....... what else would you do?

had enough of you lot for one day. hopefully i don't wake up to endure you tomorrow

>yesterday i was saying i wanted to fuck a 35 year old and everyone called me a bizarro nonce

>now everyone is claiming they've done it

hmm

>>67521731
How is she high maintenance if she's buying you stuff

the gf thinks she can play mind games with me. thinks she can test me and i wont notice. she literally thinks she's smarter than me, but she's actually dumb as fuck. i'll show her mind games.

>>67521903
you wont
90% chance you die of spider venom

>>67521911
I was running the "shagging a 34 year old this afternoon lads" mini-gimmick last week

get out my fucking face

>>67521873
how attractive are you?
>>67521912
high maintenance doesn't just mean a girl who is expensive to maintain for a man

>>67521925
roaches

>>67521932
i wish spiderbros were the monsters you believe them to be

shagged more than all you lot combined

haha i'm playing mind games with the bf. i'm going to test him and he won't even notice. i'm literally smarter than him, and he's actually dumb as fuck. mind games coming his way.

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>pottyville

>>67521971
based woman

>>67521925
Start calling her a mere pawn in your grand chess game and tell us how well it goes down

>>67521971
yaaaaaas queen

could do with a haircut, might take a stroll down to Abdul's later

>>67521971
haha nice try keith but the gf is not australian, nor residing in australia, and would be too dumb to use a proxy. nice try though you nearly got me haha

time isn't real

>>67521781
1 cold
2 pressed
3 or
4 ang
5 es

>>67522017
The seed of doubt has already been planted