How does an Americunt like me become British?

>>67514345
You get a job in Britain.
That means you first get a job, preferably one in high demand in the UK, then you get hired there.
Easy.

>>67514392
But they want university graduates and I haven't the slightest clue of how to obtain a degree that would get some traction with British employers.

>>67514345
If your granny is British then you can probably get citizenship if you so desire, but you won't understand our habits and manners.

1)If you see somebody you know in public but you have not arranged to meet them- avoid them at all costs, for you will find it embarrassing and awkward and be unsure about how to greet them or if to.
If you do say hello you must avoid at all costs bumping into them again
If you share a train and you don't know them well, you must take a different train.

2)If you don't catch someone's name you can never speak to them again

3) Never say what you mean exactly , there are phrases to express everything in a more understated and polite way
"you have to excuse them mess"- i spent 7 hours cleaning
"Sorry is anyone sitting there?"-move your bag
"well this is fun"- i hate this
"right"-used before any statement of intent, especially when saying you should be leaving

4)If your hairdresser ruins your hair you tell them its fine

5) tap your fingers at the cashpoint so everyone else knows the situation is out of your hands

6) waiting for permission to go after paying with exact change

7)forming queues for everything

8) Glaring at people and stewing in silent anger (but NEVER saying anything) when people jump queues or do something irritating


4)If someone sits next to you on the train you can now not eat whatever you were eating

5) You can't turn around or wait without first looking at your phone in order to not appear conspicuous

6)If you accidentally enter a shop yu cannot immediately leave, you must pretend to look around

7)If you do enter a shop to have a look around you are obliged to buy something if the shopkeeper sees or talks to you.
If you break these rules you will be exiled to australia

>>67514345
Bongland of today is little like the old bongland. Unless you want to be immensely disappointed, don't bother

>>67517194
sounds like any nordic country desu

You posted this same thread in /pol/

Fuck off.

>>67517194
Why are Brits so Autistic?

Do Brits make white lies a lot to try to make things better or less awkward somehow?

I just remember on Gavin and Stacy when Gavin's mum lied about being a vegetarian and then went through great lengths to play up to the farce.

>>67517280
You can't make eye contact with strangers too? You are like us?

>>67517315
Yes, that sounds like something which would happen

>>67517315
>Implying your Japanese social norms are not 1000x worst

Oi Bongs, my parents spent close to 20 years abroad in the UK, and I was born there. Would I be eligible for citizenship if I applied? (My dad didn't apply for citizenship or residency or whatever was necessary to make me a full citizen)

>>67517194
>that last point
It's actually true. We're perfectly happy walking straight out of a shop even if the shopkeeper is being nice. We say "Oh, no thanks, I was just looking"
We're savages.

>>67514345
If its possible I will swap places with you.

I live in a family home in south london right by the thames, not far from london bridge. What about you?

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>>67518080
>Not even allowed knives

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>>67518173
So what do ya call this?

>>67518393
Skin cancer m8

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>>67517194

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Start watching cuckold porn

>>67517315
My housemate from Manchester drunkenly told a taxi driver she was vegan - she then saw him around town while she was eating a sausage roll and was so ashamed she committed to veganism for life.

>>67517194
am i secretly british or something, i do all of these
i don't think it's british culture i think it's autism anon

>>67519936
We are all like that anon, apart from chavs. Maybe you are secretly British?

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>>67517194
>5) tap your fingers at the cashpoint so everyone else knows the situation is out of your hand
>4)If someone sits next to you on the train you can now not eat whatever you were eating

>>67520177
y-you don't do this?

>>67520869
Never
I've never heard of this happening

>>67517561
You would get a passport no problem I think

>>67520975
which part of england do you live in?

>>67521259
Manchester

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtcLh_8eOic&list=PLnGBcsajZuOCOvRya_zbkCEXkW2h1yEmz

TIL Japs watch Gavin & Stacey

>>67514345
you will never truly be british but you can be an immigrant I guess

>>67521303
I live in Surrey, maybe a north/south divide?

>>67521641
Yeah
it seems that way

>>67517194
>Brits have a habit of not knowing how to count
No thanks

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>>67514345
Why would anyone want to be British? This nation has no redeeming features.

>>67517674
>walk into store
>shopkeeper makes eye contact with me and starts a conversation because business is slow
>sheepishly buy a 5 dollar item because they didn't have what I wanted and I didn't want to walk out empty handed

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>>67517194
Lmao