/brit/

>>67362786
first for stay safe NZ

good edition

>on the tram yesterday
>never buy tickets
>4 ticket inspectors get on at a station and ask to see all tickets
>walk off the tram
>get the one 2 minutes later
>never paid in 3 years

you cannot catch me
i am the tram phantom

>being early to be first

rip island of shitposters and sheep

>>67362786
cryinggggg at this op

love these sad gits with dashcams who spend all day looking for trouble to upload on youtube 2bh

THIS is what a TRUMP PRESIDENCY looks like you racist bigots who don't take refugees and deny immigration visas.

THIS is KARMA.

how many are dead lad

>>67362807
Fuck off I don't need your advice

>>67362842
SHITTING PEUGEOT

>>67362834
kiwis dont shitpost though I only ever see intellectually stimulating posts from them

>>67362842
Helmet cam bikers are worse.

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>>67362825
you are the reason we need bike locks and other unnecessary things u lil shit

get out of my high trust society

Going for a walk today, hope it's not too wet

>>67362825
Sod's law dictates that if you buy a ticket, there won't be inspectors, but if you don't buy a ticket, there will be inspectors

>>67362786
was it always split like that or did the earthquake just do it

>>67362853
honestly hope you die and your home gets destroyed mate haha

>>67362868
Just did it right now this is LIVE aerial footage. I

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>doesn't drink alcohol or do drugs
>doesn't eat pork
>3 wives
>gold toilet
>wants to cut the interest rate down to near-zero
>doesn't like Jews
>doesn't like women and gays
>keeps railing on about the Iraq War

Is this nigga a secret Muslim or what?

ill ride with you NZ

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>>67362786
rip

>>67362853
fuck you you sheep shagging cunt if I say stay safe you fucking stay safe ok

good looking women have it SO SO EASY

*blows a raspberry on your tummy*

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just found this in the garden

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hahahahah this just popped up on the old facearooney

Pls send help

>>67362850
2 thousand sheep and one horny cunt died it's literally nothing

>>67362873
Same haha
Hope a pile of bricks falls on me bollocks in the process xx

>>67362881
>doesn't like jews
>every single adult child of his is married to or converted to Judaism

hmm

Do you think we're as patriotic as the yanks?

I kind of feel like we are but we do it in a more understated way.

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Why are all these cyclists/motorcyclists perpetually angry?

I swear in all their dashcam or whatever videos they're always looking for fucking fights

Couldn't fathom being a bike runt desu

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>Lefties now care about Remembrance Sunday because BBC showed an interview w/ Le Pen

>>67362900
brazilian wanderers are adorable but I'd never hold one

the gf didn't sleep until 6am for some reason so the lazy cunt is still in bed

she looks so cute when she's fast asleep, honestly just want to rape her

>>67362914
because motorists are cunts to them for arbitrary reasons

>>67362900
wandered quite far to get to the uk haha

can't survive in this world of networking and nepotism

>>67362911
maybe that's why he doesn't like jews

>>67362914
Cyclists in cities are complete mongs for some reason, especially London. Motorcyclists are just angry they don't have a car

>>67362786
Still here, just waiting for the tsunami to hit.

>>67362825
sheffield

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>Shitterton

When will the working classes realise no level of protest vote can change anything?

>>67362904
apparently it isn't worse than 2011 you should be fine yea

>>67362898
*spunks a fat wad into your eye*

hehe soz

POPPED A MOLLY I'M SWEATIN

WOO

POPPED A MOLLY I'M SWEATIN

WOO

>>67362945
London cabbies have a vendetta against bicyclists. If you mention bikers they go ape shit. They absolutely despise them

>>67362967
leaf normies can't banter
send them to /brit/ for education

>>67362967
literally playing osrs as we speak

just did a 90 kg 1RM bench press lads

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Ah, excellent

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>>67362962
When the rustbelt goes red and labour leave is successful

oh wait haha

I want to suck on Kate Middletons toes

>>67362956
something something inland epicentre

>>67362989
osrs went to shit after nightmare zone

might get on the bus into town even though I drive.
just for old times sake

>>67362975
FOY

shower of benders in this thread

>>67362924
What did Le Pen say

Wew, bell-end feels a bit warm

*removes foreskin*

ahh, much better

>>67362967
What happened on the stream?

>>67363003
Orange Tsunami alert I'm gunna go with the government and not you on this one kid

>>67362996
RIP mate

>>67363037
this is what you get for making fun of us flooding

>>67363033
nothing it's a meme you dip...

:3c *nuzzles*

poop!
haha!!!! poooop!!!

>>67362997
>trump and brexit will change anything for the white working class

delusional

>>67362912
Nowhere close, they sing their anthem at every public event and make their kids swear allegiance to the flag at school

I think people here are more proud of their regional culture, pointlessly so but still

>>67363003
Something something high ground avoid coastal areas something

Gf caught me on 4chan haha

absolute fucking STATE of the lot of you

>>67362996
put them mountains to use lad

pitch a tent and wait for it to blow over

going to walk to the station x

>>67363031
congratulations on your american citizenship

Standing on New Brighton pier with my testicles angled at the tsunami

Quivering with excitement

>>67363022
aee le france le pen foux de fa fa hon hon ménage a trois hon hon le remembrance honhon world war un hon hon

>>67363010
too casual still to even know what that is

>>67362930
literally couldn't date a girl without her consenting to letting me sleep assault her

>>67362996
>Christchurch
WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW

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>>67363051
If you notice my flag I'm not from New Zealand so I don't need advice from your toothpaste eating clog wearing hand me down of a non-country

>>67363095
degenerate ponce

ahh yes lets wank to cartoon girls that look like children

>>67363087
the first new content update they did

set a precedent of ruining the game and making it easy mode

>>67363063
>>67363081
r u ok

>>67363108
think its called nonce if you like kids and ponce if you like waitrose

>>67362996
holy fuck
RUN KIWI RUN

>>67363095
think I might be a nonce lads

>>67363113
nonce

>>67363103
both chinas overseas territories soon

if you look closely there is a british flag in the top left corner haha

mental

how come sometimes the function keys work by themselves on my laptop but sometimes i have to use the FN key

seems to change randomly and i have got a clue how to turn it on or off

>>67363135
I kind of want to die tho

>>67363132
whatever's more denigrating tbqh

>>67363125
just don't use nmz then? It's not hard

>>67363103
Howling 2bqh

>>67363131
Glugg

>>67363037
>>67363063
O FUGG

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>>67363149
Says the country just gushing to hand over their military to Merkel

>>67362996
*activates my almonds in the red dot*

>>67363113
nonce

Sex buyers are parasites that feed on misery

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>>67363125
>you now remember Reach

writing malicious code and selling currency, the absolute maddan

New Zealand is getting fucked up by an earthquake. this is what they get for even considering posting here

>>67363175
ah yes all three soldiers without ammo v impressive

>>67363156
Grab your surfboard then

>>67363156
if singles get to higher ground
if dubs you have to kill yourself by old age

>>67363192
you mean husbands? x

>>67363163
Cola

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AHAHAHAHAHAHAH POOLAPSE

>>67363202
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=686A5yPMWrs

>>67363198
The quake will be over soon.
You fuckers are stuck with trump FOREVER.

>>67363077
BANTA

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>>67363095
Nice body, girl!

fucking hell cant find an album on the 'seek
might have to buy it on discogs

stuck a milky bar up my bum to check if I needed to wipe, lads

came out clean so I ate it

playing a video game

>>67363240
wrongun

>>67363210
>thru

FOY

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AAHHHHHHHH AUSTRALIA CHINA HELP ME OIM A HUGE FAGGIT

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>>67363210
>If you cannot escape the Tsunami climb up a tree and hang on until help arrives

Reminds me of the south park volcano eruption episode

>>67363156
run towards the earthquake then you mong

>>67363258
runtlife

i love sucking my bf's cock clean after he's fucked my arse

>>67363210
>second last paragraph

scary AF

>>67363289
mmm, chocolate flavored :3c

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>>67363260
>british slang

>>67363210
>if you cannot escape the tsunami

might as well just be honest and say you're fucked

Honestly just happy that NZ might be on international telly for once

>>67363283
what do you do for fun? read? lmao nerd

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/donald-trump-lastest-news-jeremy-corbyn-grow-up-us-immigration-mexico-andrew-marr-a7414576.html

haha

>in the club staring at my feet
>500 Miles comes on
>normies go mental and start shouting as if they haven't heard the fucking song in 20+ years
>let out a deafening REEEE before furiously pointing out it was literally on the radio only a few hours before
>bouncer kicks me out

>>67363210
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6U9T3R3EQg

honestly tsunamis don't even look that scary, if you can swim in a swimming pool you can swim in a fucking tsunami

it's just a bunch of water

2 METER HIGH TSUNAMI JUST HIT KAIKURA

ITS GOING TO HIT KIWIS SOON

Ever since winning a ton of money through betting on a Trump victory I have now caught the betting bug. I have placed £25 on Bolton winning today against Peterborough.

>>67363328
good move lad

>>67363335
have you forgotten the 2011 japan tsunami already

and 2008 thailand tsunami

>>67363340
>meter
FOY

>>67363328
fucking meme songs, sick and tired of em

Combine Harvester, Frontier Psychiatrist, fucking all of em

Tenacious D songs were memes back in the day too

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>67363335
coastal tsunami hitting you would be comparable to a car

>>67363358
plenty of swimmers survived those, have you not studied the footage

>>67363360
Copy and pasted from /pol/ sorry

I unironically may be read tomorrow along with the other crumblechurch posters haha xo

>>67363323
You're like one of those countries we wish would sink so we could pretend we care about a global crisis. However I know uou as the guys that got shorted in the 1981 cricket incident

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>the city of Poo Peeland
>destroyed by fucking water

they dont know my pain

can someone spend 7 yank dollar for music for me

>>67363311
Wrong'un
Wrong one
one = person

He's a wrong'un

Ahh yes the 2008 thailad tsunami

>>67363328
were you attending an under 16 club or something? what kind of godawful venues play that kind of music? jfc

>>67363383
Please continue watching our sports

>>67363340
>2m
waveleys, when will they learn

gf is doing an anxiety again the daft bint

>>67363398
it was in 2004

i just guessed to be honest hahah

>>67363383
BIG STRONG AMERICAN THANK U FOR WATCHING OUR SPORT

>go to a club
>knock a girls drink out of her hand
>drenches her
>bouncer tells me to buy her a new drink
>do so
>end up chatting the girl up
>shag her at the end of the night
>escape her flat in the morning without her knowing
>never talk to her again
ah yes

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>they don't know my pain

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>And finally, in lighter news, an island off the east coast of Australia was completely destroyed in a large earthquake and tsunami today

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>>67363323
I'm just happy you're making an appearance on /brit/ for once haha
kiwis never come here anymore dor some reason

bellend stinks of semen

oficial ~brit~ survey

http://www.strawpoll.me/11641190

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I fucking hate it here

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>>67363373
yeah no big deal mate

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>>67363394
Will this be on the test?

>>67363323
just happy youre posting here

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>>67363436

I can hear a lot of cars even though it's the middle of the night
Probably a sign I should leave but I'm quite comfy in bed apocalypseposting

>>67363417
bout what

>>67363436
is there a bigger failure of a politician

>go to a club
>dance in a sweatbox from midnight to 8am
ah yes

>>67363452
They all emigrated to Australia because we're better.

>>67363289
gay that

>>67363469
just come over here already mate, we all know it's inevitable

set you up with a nice ute and woman to bash on the goldie

>>67363467
I do post here a lot, just not this late at night

>>67363096
Same

>>67363513
It's the middle of the day you dozy cunt.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9XWus9GE2c choon

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breaky lads

>>67363466
git tae fuck ye wee Estonian shite

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Ah yes

>>67363533
Will heem you

>>67363328
>club
>playing 500 Miles
lmao

>>67363527
ponce

>>67363479
>establishment candidate
>Bush family member

yet Trump destroyed his career in one evening lmao

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>>67363538

>>67363466
bade awa frae /brit/ richt nou

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brekky lads

thought this Estonian nonce was just here for a one off yesterday

think he needs to fuck off now

six hundred 666 census of a judgement night

>>67363547
why not just build a train/tram?

>>67363576
nah hes alri

>>67363534
didnt find out he died til like 3 months later lmao

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>>67363565
fite me, lad

hope every last stupid little kiwi gets crushed by a teutonic plate!

>>67363575
>salty stuff for brekkie
shan't

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xD

>>67363610
tectonic plate you fucking weapon

is there anything worse than being drunk and seeing the morning light creep up on you? Makes me want to die

looking out the window

>>67363381
read by who mate

>>67363547
upper deck looks like a right barrel of laughs

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would bounce the missus' head off the wall if she done shit like this

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>>67363610
>teutonic plate!

>>67363527
Nice batty

>>67363534
Love that Memphis stuff I do

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brekkie lads

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>teutonic plate

>>67363575
yanks....

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>>67363599

what porn site should i look at?

>>67363672
pornhub

>>67363513
absolutely mong it's the middle of the day

>>67363594
t. fellow nonce

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STpUUuiMzuw chivering from that legendary intro

>>67363662
rash heed

>>67363672
xvideos

>>67363639
women are mentally ill

>>67363667
SCREECHING

JUST realised it's the middle of the night in Kiwiland
FUCK that makes it about 2x as scary

>prop pillow up against headboard
>sit down, back against pillow
>pillow goes flat and can feel the headboard on my back

ah yes pillows

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>>67363610
>teutonic plate

>>67363610
>teutonic plate
FFS lad

got called a window licking bellend by the woman in mccoll's

Lads a Teutonic plate just ruptured

>>67363667
clever

>>67363672
Pugybabesgonewild.org

>>67363639
Where's that post from Chloechatty or whatever saying she saved her money then spent it all on clothes

oh my days

thought I lost the metal filter for my aeropress but it was at the back of the cupboard.

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how can the other even try?

howling at teutonic plate

utter dropkick

>>67363615
>sweet stuff for breakfast
Nah not a fan

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Stayed up watching the fights last night
Absolutly shattered

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>ugly manlet with high standards
anyone else know this feel?

>>67363672
feti072

entire site devoted to japanese girls spitting in each others mouths

>>67363750
fascinating
*walks away*

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ahh yes "fearless" journalism

>>67363732
Kek

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>>67363671
come at me bruv

>>67363697
Very underrated all these rappers

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Had a cheese toastie for breakfast

>>67363771
how tall are ya

>>67363672
www.rosebudjessica.com

>>67363724
Was literally just getting to sleep, mega comfy in bed

Just wish the earth would fuck right off with the aftershocks at this point, they're not fun and exciting anymore just fucking annoying

>>67363771
no I'm a ugly lanklet with no standards
still hardly get shags

>>67363697
did the black man talk fast about doing crimes??

Unfortunately alive

>>67363667
>>67363719
>>67363743
Don't get it

quite hangedover

>>67363784
>implying you have a friend to hold the barrel for you

>>67363804
173

>>67363828
And? Are you looking for me to hold you hand? Stop bothering me son

>>67363823
shame
maybe next time ay?

>>67363822
ah yes, let's have a sample of your intellectual and thought provoking music

>>67363814
how bad are the aftershocks?

>>67363828
Rope you'reself

>>67363840
Friends are a shitty social construct ya mong

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gf wants me to come to bed

>>67363798
honestly don't care lid

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all I could think about on the ride over was my beautiful wife, in tears as I told her I may not be coming back, the smell of the roses we had just planted in the front garden, and the beautiful newborn daughter I may never see again.

It was the mountains that caught my eye first, breaking me out of my stupor, piercing the heavens as if to stand up proud to the incoming waves crashing on the shore of the Christchurch coast. Their help was appreciated, but this was a battle they could not hope to win, indeed, this was one that occurred deep underground, between the tectonic plates of the earth.

The helicopter door slid open and I was greeted by a fat, swarthy gentleman who appeared to have covered himself in felt tip marker. He did a little dance and screamed at me, before introducing himself as the Commander-in-Chief of the New Zealand Defence Force. We skipped the pleasantries and moved to an armoured truck where I was briefed on the situation.

Arriving at the bottom of an abandoned quarry I was greeted by men in suits, who forced me to sign an NDA, this secret would be taken with me to the grave. I told them to shove it, I fuckin hate suits. They looked at each other nervously and brought me over to an industrial drill, moments away from reaching the tectonic level of the earth's crust.

A morose looking assistant held a black umbrella above my head as I took a drag on what could be my final cigarette. As I felt the heat begin to sear my fingers I stubbed it out and muttered "no time like the present."

>>67363881
me on the left

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I'd like to take this moment to apologise.... TO ABSOLUTELY NOBODY
THE DOUBLE CHAMP DOES WHAT THE FUCK HE WANTS

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>>67363889
Put two different cheeses in it

>>67363856
u'll be okay m8, you could be a lot shorter than that :)

>>67363891
shan't be reading any of this

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>>67363891

By this time the drill had retreated and a rope ladder installed so that I could access the tunnel, more like a grave. The spectators were silent as I removed my trousers, followed by my underwear, met by gasps and horror - perhaps from the sight of my gangrenous scrotum or perhaps the smell. Regardless, I made my way (unescorted this time) to the ladder and down into the hole.

The journey down the hole was a long one, giving me time to reflect on my situation, how I wound up here, my wife and child, my ballbag's inhuman ability to elasticate, resist destruction (despite my best efforts) and repair itself, all whilst delivering me other-worldly pleasure from its repeated batterings.

Reaching the tectonic level, I had never felt so at peace - it was as if time had stopped. The hole at the surface by this point had disappeared and I was left in total darkness, total sensory deprivation - that is, of course, apart from my goolies acting as a diving rod for the narrow gap that separated the two plates beneath my feet. I won't lie to you, I was scared, but I knew that my sacrifice would not only save the lives of millions, but it would also deliver me a purest nirvana, a high I have been chasing since I was chosen to explore the surface of Jupiter in a specially designed space suit that left my boys unrecognisable.

I squat between the two plates and dipped my bollocks in, right as they made their final push together. As my eyes rolled into the back of my head and a long strand of saliva dripped down from my mouth, my gangrenous penis leaked a mixture of pus and ejaculate down my thighs, as my chums took the heaviest battering of their lives. The staples holding them together began to rip and explode out, rattling around the tunnel like bullets but my plums stood strong. The plates halted their advance, cushioned by the elastic skin of my sack and the earthquakes halted.

Did not pass through the iris hahah

>>67363891
>no ballbusting
absolutely fuming

cant come anymore lads

>>67363861
>not making your own

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2GNXpxQYeE

me in the white peak

>>67363915
i'm white not chink

>>67363912
haha that was me posting while taking a shit xx

File: %D0%9F%D1%80%D0%B8%D1%82%D1%87%D0%B0-%D0%BE-%D1%87%D0%B5%D1%80%D0%B5%D0%BF%D0%B5-%D0%B7%D0%B0%D0%B4.jpg (141KB, 1200x898px) Image search: [Google]

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>>67363891
>>67363919

A statue was later erected in the city centre of my bollocks to thank them for their continued service to the country of New Zealand, and on this day every year children throw sweets and thank you cards down the hole where I now live. After much convincing, my wife and child moved in with me, and we celebrate her 4th birthday this year. For the first time in my life, I am happy.

literally put the gf on mute while she tells me about her dream last night

>>67363921
This, praying for a beam to land square on my bollocks during an aftershock

>>67363940
you're gonna make it

>>67363891
didnt read one word

>>67363862
none as bad as the initial shock, they're just strong enough to shake you awake but nothing else. Fucking earthquake blueballing going on

>>67363921
erm? x

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>>67363950
so do you care or don't you?

>>67363926
is the kid in blue wearing two hoodies?
the funny similar video was the one with kids walking through an alley and rapping "fast" then an older bloke joins in too and stuff

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y/n?

>>67363891
>>67363919
>>67363953
shant be processing a word of this rubbish

>>67363981
what are you my therapist?

>>67363995
I didn't originally but I'm curious about the filling now

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biblical

H O N E Y G
O
N
E
Y
G

absolutely STARVING but I don't like the taste of any food
nothing is appealing to me

>>67363904
>human cockfighting

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>>67364028
cheddar and red leicester

just cut up some bacon and put it in my scrambled egg

>>67364073
would schlick myself to literal version of that

>>67364067
>I don't like the taste of any food
You are a problem

>>67364056
Me and the potato LG x

>>67364067
joylent 2bh

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Sunday morning, just had a nice Wank to Kate. No better feeling.

>>67364111
TOWOOMBA
O
W
O
O
M
B
A

>>67364027
just b urself!

*charges you $150*

having a marks and spencer's spaghetti bolognese ready meal for lunch

hashtag middleclass runt

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>>67364073
the truest test of human endurance
yet again the celt comes out on top

actually disgusted by the treatment I get here

will be taking my OC elsewhere

YOU LET ME VIOLATE YOU

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>>67364080
on a cob?

new
>>67361621
>>67361621
>>67361621

>>67364073
*whips out knob*

fight me hehe

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMlFct_AV43/?hl=en

me

>>67364139
it's toOwoomba
>>67364144
yeah but I get 63 back from medicare :^)

>>67364199
>>67364199
>>67364199
>>67364199

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Gf yelled at me to come to bed

>>67364155
Conor is literally THE Barratt new build life man

>>67364056
MANCHESTOR