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Anonymous
Writing Judgement Thread 2017-03-13 12:22:38 Post No. 2895962
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Writing Judgement Thread 2017-03-13 12:22:38 Post No. 2895962
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How about we do a poem critique thread, you judge mine and/or share yours for others to judge. Be as hard hitting as you like.
'That Uncertain Affection':
Alone with my thoughts,
I'm drawn back to you,
To passion, confusion,
And fear of what's new,
These truths we do tell,
Of how we now feel,
Escaping that shell,
I've found something real,
And that's all that matters,
Not judgement nor doubt,
Old boundaries are shattered,
Yet remain does the cloud,
This fog that has plagued me,
It's hopelessly thick,
But I'll ignore it, and love thee,
Life was never a picnic
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You'll have more luck on >>>/lit/
That being said your poem is so bad I'm wondering if it's some kind of troll. I'll give my opinion anyways.
It's ridiculously literal, without nuance or subtlety. I prefer something in which I can get lost, eg. approach the subject less directly, maybe combining multiple metaphors / parabolas. Suggest to the reader, and let real meaning form itself in their minds. You can still get to the literal emotional heart you want to express, but not so flatly and immediately.
You shouldn't use an extremely short meter like that, it's the most difficult to write in. Basically consider that each line of verse should be interesting in itself, so start with longer meters.
Use a thesaurus.
That "thee" at the end is like the cherry on the shit cake. If you're going to write in a period style, do so consistently. The thee/picnic contrast is pretty hilarious.
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>>2895962
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Fuck off my board
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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